Life in the Fast Lane

Life in the Fast Lane

As Americans we devote almost every minute of our day focusing on trivial pursuits. We are busy so much in our day we often wish for more time, just to do more. The problem with more time is we never use the time we are given wisely. We squander it in our own pursuits, but not in ways that would be pleasing to God. We may not be a bad person, but are we really doing Gods work? Proverbs 21:5 “5 The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness; but of every one that is hasty only to want.” When we rush through life and we react from one day to the next it’s easy to get swept up and carried away with the world. Do we take the time to have silent reflection? Do we take the time to talk to God through prayers? Do we hastily make decisions without putting thought to them? Do we make those decisions based on feelings or are those decisions based on what would be pleasing to God?

The world tells us all of the feel good things that we should try, or experience. The world expects us to always be full throttle, from dawn till dusk work, push yourself to the limit, sleep and get up and do it again. If we are running around so much where are the moments of clarity, where are the moments of peace, where is the time for prayer? Ecclesiastes 3:1-14 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth? 10 I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it. 11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end. 12 I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life. 13 And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God. 14 I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.” I firmly believe that working hard is a Christian’s duty. I also believe however that working hard and enjoying the fruits of that labor is important. God wants us to enjoy our lives. We only get one of them. We need to make a difference with the time we have. There is a time for everything and we must be able to know the difference.

Americans it seems have a hard time taking the time to slow down. Do parents slow down and spend the quality time with their children? Do married couples take the time to truly love one another? Do we take the time to speak to our friends when they are in need? When we are so busy in our lives we forget the common decencies we have failed. Do we get so busy in our lives we can’t respond, take 10 seconds to send a text to let them know we are busy and that we will get back to them. We don’t return calls, we don’t send letters, we don’t do the smallest simplest things the let someone know we care.

Some people on the flip side of the coin do pay attention. Some people make the time to make sure their closest friends and loved ones are taken care of. Some people are so generous it’s unbelievable. Some people even as busy as there life is, they take the time to love and be generous, and live life, live a Godly life.

For me, from an early age I found it easy to take time for others. Sadly I failed in other areas. I’ve had more then enough life altering events. The day our life ends we forever loose the ability to make things right. What happens if the day it ends is also the same day it begins? If you were given a second chance to change the way you live your life, would you? How quickly do we forget what’s important in this one life we get? If we woke up one morning and found out someone we neglected wasn’t there anymore would you feel you did everything you could for that person, be there, talk to, signs of caring? Sadly in life we often miss out on the small opportunities we have to make a difference. It’s not just the big things that matter; it’s the same things also. Everyday we have the chance to reinvent ourselves, to be a better person then we were the day before, if only we realized and respected how short of a time we have, or how short of a time our loved ones have. Do not take the gifts we are given for granted. Do not underestimate the time we have. Be a joy in someone’s life. Love your life and love your friends and family. Don’t take them for granted.

Take your life out of the fast lane and slow down. See the beauty in the world around you. See the trees, the grass, the flowers, the animals, and the wonderful creation God has made for us. It only takes a few moments a day to make a difference. How will you make a difference today?

Slow down and listen.

Survivors Guilt

Survivors Guilt

It’s been 12 years since the day it happened. 12 years ago the way I perceived time and life, the way I viewed my enemies, and the day I questioned my own self worth all changed. I don’t recall the time of day, or even the day of the week, but in Iraq none of that really matters unless you have a mission briefing, or a start time for the mission. The mission itself was simple, Early morning sunrise our mission started. Due to my injury I was a dismount during the mission. I was moved from my normal truck to dismount for someone else. We where looking for ways insurgents might be smuggling weapons into Ramadi. Our mission was to travel along the railroad tracks, and mark on GPS possible points small cars could fit through, and bypass our checkpoints. My knee killing me, and still slightly swollen I sat in back of the Humvee looking out the window. We where coming up to the railroad tracks, and the dirt cross over when a sinking gut feeling came over me. I’d never had a feeling like this before, but I felt I had to say something. I told my driver to look out for wires. He responded “Are you afraid of IED’S?” My feeling in my gut wouldn’t go away. The mission continued as normal. We went from point to point logging them, and noting them on the GPS. On our way back we stopped at a house to talk to the owner. Waiting outside and keeping watch I could hear the discussion going on at the front door. He had a single AK, but several magazines. According to law he could have 1 rifle, and 2 magazines. He argued they where for alibaba, or thiefs. Regardless, the man was forced to give up the rest of his mags. It was about that time I was looking over toward the railroad tracks. I didn’t know what I was looking at, at the time. I saw the plume of smoke first, and then the sound wave hit me. The biggest boom I’d ever heard, and the biggest bloom of smoke I’d ever seen. In the midst of the black smoke I could see a tan object 200 feet in the air. I refused to believe I saw what I thought I saw. Then our squad leader yelled IED. That’s when I realized what was had happened.

 

                                    NOTE THE FOLLOWING IS VERY GRAFIC

 We all raced back to the truck, and before the doors where shut we where hauling our butts back up to the tracks. We rounded the corner at what seemed like 60 mph. It came over the radio that Saber 4 was the truck hit. Coming up the hill we could see the truck. It looked to be in two pieces. (Out of respect of the families I’ll be keeping their names private.) I jumped out and went to the back of the truck to grab the Aid bag. Running as fast as I could with my knee still swollen, I came to the first person I could see. I recognized the mangled body instantly. A close friend of mine lay there lifeless, pale, and unresponsive. His wounds where extensive, he had massive lacerations on both legs, cuts on his neck and arms. He had a very low pulse, but before starting compressions I wanted to tie off his legs. If he where to survive I knew he’d loose his legs. I tied the tunicate as tight as I could, but it didn’t seem to matter how tight I pulled. The rope just wasn’t getting the job done. I did the best I could with it, and moved on to compressions. I check again for a pulse but this time I felt nothing. I started compressions. I pushed hard over and over. I counted each thrust, and then felt for a pulse again. I felt a low pulse, and waited for a medic. A medic I thought, our medic was in this truck! Where was he? Again feeling for a pulse and there wasn’t one. I needed to keep his heart going. I started compressions again, this time I wouldn’t stop. I pushed and pushed. I don’t know how long I pushed but eventually one of the other medics came up to me, and knelt down next to me. He reached for a pulse and said there wasn’t one. Based on how soft his chest was, and the lack of blood, Doc called him gone KIA, killed in action. I screamed at him that he wasn’t gone, but doc told me I had to let him go. I screamed no at him again, that I felt a pulse. He said something to me again, but I wasn’t listening, I was doing compressions again. Doc grabbed me from behind and pulled me off and held me in his arms. “He’s gone (My Name) .” He said softly in my ear. He held me while I struggled to get free. “(My Name) he’s gone.” He said again. I relaxed my muscles and he let me know. I leaned back to my friend. I closed his eyes, and covered his face with his fractured vest. I stood up in a fog. I looked around for our medic. Where was he? I was still unsure at what all was happening. I asked my squad leader. He was still missing. Looking around I saw a tan object about 40 meters away in the water. I asked if that was him, and was told it was too far. Leaving my rifle behind by my fallen friend I walked the road looking for my missing medic friend. He had to be in the water. He was driving. He was on that side, but wasn’t on the hill. I slid down the side of the hill, and left my vest aside. I slipped into the freezing cold water. Another buddy got in on the other side of the pond and swam to the same tan colored object I saw. I looked at his face when he got there. It told me everything I needed to know. He was gone, but I just didn’t know how bad, or the images that would haunt my dreams. He swam to me to get our friend out of the water. Lifting him out I saw how bad the injuries where. The explosion severed everything from belly button down. By this time several of the guys met us at the top of the hill to help lift our fallen medic out of the water. The side of the hill was mud, and while lifting my footing slipped, and I fell forward. I landed face first on doc’s stomach. Barely holding it together I pushed myself up and after they got Doc up and on the stretcher, a few of the guys went back to the water to look for more remains. I was helped out of water and up the hill. I grabbed my vest, my rifle, and still in a haze made my way back to my truck. I put my vest back on, and stood there looking around with a fog over my head. The captain who looked at my knee just days before was in critical, the only survivor. Our platoon Sergeant was also killed. We mounted up to escort our friend back to camp to get him off on a helicopter to Baghdad. In the 5 minute drive back radio traffic told us Doc didn’t make it. The first physician assistant to be killed during the war in Iraq. By the time we got back the Charlie med we were greeted with two of our great female medic friends. Getting down from the humvee they asked who. I didn’t realize how I said it till it came out of my mouth, but it was cold, and blunt. I couldn’t feel anything, I was still processing. All the medics much like the scouts where close friends. The girls cried, and us guys where angry. My truck commander crabbed me and swore we’d find um and kill um. I nodded in agreement. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to think.

Since then I have found myself replaying that day over in my head from time to time. The days where my anxiety is higher, or something happens to remind myself of worse times. I was then and occasionally now suffer from what’s known as survivor’s guilt. Along with the events of that dreadful day, I have an abundance of other trauma’s and my own run ins with Hell on Earth. I felt guilty for years that my gut was telling me something was wrong that day. Even though I did say something, it didn’t matter though the outcome was the same. 12 years later I still feel guilty and ashamed. I know in my heart there was nothing more I could have done to save anyone, or prevent the tragedy from happening, but my head lies to me. Now I have gone through my own physical traumas and I am faced with a new problem every day. I do hope and pray that one day I might find myself more at peace, not just from my time in Iraq, but times from before, and after.

It’s not easy loosing loved ones to cheating, or other means. The first thing is to evaluate reasonably the level of guilt that is owed to you. No one is innocent when a relationship ends, but to what level is the culpability of guilt. When we look at the Gospel we see a man Crucified that was innocent of any wrongdoing. He died to free us from eternal damnation. His death left us with hope. It is in that hope that I find comfort. No matter how hard my day, no matter how badly I feel I remember that I am a faithful child of the King. I will one day take up my place in the Kingdom and live in peace and harmony. I will not only see my loved ones who’ve died before me, but all my friends from Iraq, not just the 4 from that day, but everyone we lost. I will also see my friends who’ve died over the years. With as many people as I’ve lost close to me you’d think I was in my 60’s or 70’s. Sadly that’s not the case.

There are several lies the Devil tells to us and it’s our job to fight them.

Lie #1 You were supposed to die.

This couldn’t be further from the truth. If it were your time God would have taken you. If you’ve survived it was for a purpose, a greater meaning. We never know what our worth is, and what our part to play is. We may not always be directly responsible for something great, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t have a role to play.

LIE #2: YOU OWE A DEBT TO THE DEAD.

You don’t owe the dead anything. You owe it to yourself and those around you to honor the deads memory. You must continue to live so the memory of your friends or those you couldn’t save can live on in our hearts.

LIE #3: YOU COULD HAVE PREVENTED THE DEAD FROM DYING.

Unless you’re God, which you aren’t, you cannot control if someone lives or dies. Firefighters can’t save everyone. Police can’t save everyone. Paramedics can’t save everyone, and it’s not practical to think we have the power to alter the plan. We may not always know why God takes a little child, or the honor roll student and not the drug dealer, but again the big picture we can’t see. We must have faith in God.

LIE #4: YOU ARE LESS WORTHY THAN THE PEOPLE WHO DIED.

This is just utter nonsense. Feeling down about your own self worth, thinking they were a better man, or woman then you, thinking the world would have been a better place without you and have them instead is just nonsense. Even if we could see into the future, we are all special. We’ve all overcome great odds just to be born. The Lord doesn’t make mistakes. When the world is hard, and we feel low and discouraged, that’s when it’s most important to turn to the Lord and ask for help. Seek Godly counsel from close friends who live for the Lord.

LIE #5: YOU ARE DEFINED BY YOUR PAST.

This is the one I struggle with most. In my past I am worried that telling people of my past they judge me on it. That somehow everything I’ve gone through will one day come back to haunt me. My past is what has molded me to be the man I am. I wouldn’t be here Blogging, or helping others, getting involved with ministry, had it not been for the horrible things that happened. Why was I bullied as a child, why did I move around so much, why did I loose so many friends, why have I lost two loves in my life? The answer is never simple, but it was part of the plan. We must not be our own worst critics in defining our future by our past. Make every day a new day and believe in yourself. It’s hard for others to believe in us if we don’t show ourselves the same amount of respect. Don’t let your past define you future. Put your past behind you, and focus on the good you can pull from it. Focus on the stories the testimony you can offer to those struggling through similar times.

After loosing two loves from my life I often feel similar symptoms to a death in the family. Someday my princess will come into my life. Someday I will find a place to build my castle to call Camelot. Someday I’ll find my peace in this world. Someday the battle will be over and God wiling I will be able to make and have my own family. Patience if seems is my biggest fight. I have faith.

Don’t let go, don’t give up because you may have lived to leave behind a great legacy. Don’t stunt your own growth by living in the past. When you live in the past you miss your present, and destroy your future. We only get one shot at this life, and because of it, we need to have fun. Enjoy life, and God will provide for us the fruits of our labor, and replace the suffering with adulation and love.

 

The Man in the Mirror

The Man in the Mirror

Do we look at the world and expect it to change on it’s own? How often do we look at the hungry, the sick, the disparaged, the homeless, and think someone should do something to change that. We roll up our windows and drive off, pick up the pace to walk quicker, and look the other way as to not make eye contact. Are we embarrassed by them, or are we embarrassed that we live so much better? Are we ashamed of what we have, or is it the shame that we don’t give like we should, that we ourselves don’t try to make a difference? My personal thought is we don’t try to make a difference. We see a problem, but place the responsibility on someone else to fix it.

We may just be a drop of water in the bucket, but from the first drop water follows the path of water. Once the water starts moving in a direction more water will follow. You can be the trend setter, you can be the voice that’s heard in the dark. To borrow a line from Michael Jackson, “If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself then make that change.” It’s amazing how one voice can change the course of history. King David, Martin Luther King. Jr., Eddison, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, all who’s voice was heard, all who were not born into what they become, but were molded into it. Billy Graham’s voice is one of the loudest voices we hear in the Christian world.

When we see wrong when we see the error in someone’s ways we have been told in today’s world to accept people, to be tolerant of other world views. I say this is a load of crap. Will I try to push my beliefs on someone else by force? NO! Will I however call you out if you are sinning up a storm? You Betcha! James 5:20 “remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.”

We can reach hundreds just by volunteering at soup kitchens, relief shelters, and not just to make status, or to gain favor in God because God will know the true reason you do it. You have to do it because you generally want to, that you want to make a difference. Hebrews 13:16 “And don’t forget to do good and to share with those in need. These are the sacrifices that please God.”

Hebrews 10:24-25And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” We must encourage others by being there for them. Unlike Job and his friends who abandoned him, we must fellowship and bring others up especially those in need. It’s amazing how fast we leave someone and return to our lives isn’t it? A funeral we might see the one who lost their loved one get support for a week, maybe two, then it’s back to business. Does the pain and loneliness stop after a week? What about a broken marriage? Someone who lived with that spouse for years is all of a sudden on his or her own. In today’s world how hard is it to send a quick text? How hard is it to call for 5 minutes just to let them know you’re thinking of them? The difference that one call or text could make is beyond comprehension. I won’t get into to suicide in this post, but a quick note, that one call, that one text could be the difference in total despair or hope. Just keep that in mind. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” Don’t be afraid to help others. Even if all you can do is talk for a bit, or listen, it’s more than enough for some to have that connection. Galatians 6:2 “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.”

 You can be the change this world needs even if just in your own little world. Never underestimate your own worth, your own voice. If you are doing God’s work the rest doesn’t matter. God can and will use you to do great things. We should never underestimate the power of the Lord through us. Make the change by being the change. Change yourself, and give the Glory to God.

The Mask

The Mask

Do you act and behave differently in public then you do in your own home? How about with friends or even different friends, do you treat people differently based on the group you’re with? The sad fact is even if it doesn’t happen as an adult, it does happen at some point in our lives.

As we go through life our life do we hide away our true thoughts and feelings? What about with the people we have sworn to love and cherish?

No matter the mask we wear the lord sees through us. The ill intent of your heart cannot remain hidden from. God. 1 Samuel 16:7 “7 But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”

In our own space do we harbor evil thoughts for someone or a group of people? God sees what we do and think. We may hide away our feelings forever, but the worst is when you pretend to treat others well claim one thing, and lie to them, showing your true nature. For some people the truth is hard to handle. Proverbs 26:24-28 “Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly. Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling. A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin.”

We must not bear false witness and it is this author’s opinion that means lying about who we are to others and ourselves. We cannot claim to love and harbor ill will towards others. We cannot wear the mask forever. One day our true nature will come shining through whether it’s good or bad. Luke 12:1-3 12 “In the mean time, when there were gathered together an innumerable multitude of people, insomuch that they trode one upon another, he began to say unto his disciples first of all, Beware ye of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. 2 For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known. 3 Therefore whatsoever ye have spoken in darkness shall be heard in the light; and that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets shall be proclaimed upon the housetops.” 

Finding out one day someone was not who they claimed to be is perhaps the hardest upset someone can ever go through. Believing so faithfully, so truthfully, so blindly that the truth was so devastating. The day the mask was pulled away and the face that was no longer recognizable is beyond words. The upset not only tore the house down but shook and cracked the foundation of everything I believed in. (That’s a hard lesson for another time.) The truth that was reveled to me that day would have a resonating effect through my whole life. Never again will I let a mask break me. Placing faith in all the wrong places. I have taken off my mask, have you taken off yours?

God sees all and knows all. How we treat others, and how we reveal our true selves will be judged in the end times. We cannot hide away behind our different masks forever. Treating others with respect and love all the time. Be not a hypocrite, and be not a wolf spreading lies and deceits, but live honestly, live life with love, and compassion. Let the world see you for who you really are because God sees you for who you really are. Take off your mask and be the Man God wants you to be. Do not be the ill intent, the liar, the deceiver, and the cruel. Matthew 22:37 “37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.”

You cannot hide the evil within forever. The true nature of your heart will shine through eventually. The person you try to hide from the world, the truth will have its day. Change your heart by allowing Christ into it. Who you are in deepest caverns of your soul should also be what the world sees. Be remembered as someone of absolute beauty outside and inside. Take off the mask.

When the Flood Comes

When the Flood Comes

When the waters rise and the world around you is being flooded what then shall you do? The beauty of the ocean, the serenity of the lakes, the peace that comes when you are out on the calm water, yet how quickly those water can turn deadly when the banks can no longer hold back the raging waves.

We fear the water at times, but in that what we fear is our solitude. The raging floodwaters are destructive, and beautiful at the same time. When you can watch safely from a bridge at the power, the sheer magnificence of waters rule over nature it’s amazing. The world’s problems can be like a flood. When so much happens all at once the flood isn’t necessarily the events, but the emotions caused by them. When the worlds spinning out of control and every emotion we feel seems to wash us further down the river and we get to a place we don’t recognize it’s like being swept into the undertow, or a raging river.

We must know that just as Noah before us we are given safety and refuge. Our God can save us from the waters just by extending a hand. 2 Corinthians 1:4 “Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” The Lord will always send us help when we need it, but we have to see the signs in front of us. The Lord will always try to get us off the destructive path we’re on if we only quiet our lives to hear what we are being told. Ephesians 2:8 “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,” Our success is never of our own doing. Our failures however are.

Isaiah 54:17 “No weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall confute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their vindication from me, declares the Lord.” No matter the troubles we are in we must face our trials with dignity. As Moses split the Red Sea we know that in our own way, we have the ability to overcome our adversities. Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Do not fear the flood when it comes. Do not be afraid of the storms. John 16:33 “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Floods will come and go, and the waters can recede as quickly as they come. As I have often used as an example, God will save you, we just have to realize the gifts sent to us and embrace them. Fight to live, and don’t be afraid of the water when it rises, just build a bigger boat.

 

 

 

Duality

Duality
When something is liked and disliked at the same time, loved and hated, and okay and not okay at the same time.

When you wait all day for an absolution that would never come, when you look for peace that never seems to come. Waiting for God to send His Angels to pull you out of the wreckage of your life. When the Angels never come, but that voice inside your head tells you God’s with you. The snakes are nipping at your heals and you keep climbing higher and higher to get away, the beautiful escape. We never plan for the world to crumble, and we never plan on falling to our knees at the brink of a broken world, screaming to the heavens to save us. You’ve been a good soldier, a faithful man and in that moment the snakes, the vultures are tossed away. Saved by God, moved from broken to mending.

The faith it takes to overcome the world is Jesus. So why do I hate myself so much? Why do I feel so low about whom I am? The going gets rough and some hate God, some hate people, some hate themselves. That’s where my own duality comes into play. I both love and hate who I am. The fact that God loves me I know I’m special. I know I’m someone worthwhile, but I’ve largely not been treated well by others throughout my whole life. I’ve not been beaten and tortured, I’ve suffered loss, and blame. God thought tells us that we cannot put our faith in mankind because man is sinful and that sinful nature will let you down, will hurt you, and the Devil through Sin will find any little chink in the human armor and infiltrate like a virus, replicating, until sinful desire is all that’s left.

The same goes with the little whispers inside my own head. The negative whispers I hear are the Devil or his minions telling me lies, that hidden war going on all around us that we cannot see. The truth is the helmet is supposed to help, and it does so long as we keep our head in the Bible and don’t let ourselves get distracted by the world.

Don’t shut God out; don’t keep the gates closed from God. God doesn’t want us to be alone, God wants us to have someone, God wants us to know that He is always with us. God’s blessings and guidance, and the army of Angels are always by our side. When we finally realize this, when we finally tear down the walls we will realize that Love has been there all along. The season of love is always. We can’t let the trials of this world build walls and defenses. Love concurs all. Love is the strongest of emotions, strongest of actions, and that Love shows me that there is no Winter of love, no Fall of love, there’s just love. We will suffer heartbreak from love, but Love is a gift from up above, and that’s the only Love that really matters.

Take the duality inside and shatter that mirror and let God take up both sides in your heart.

The Passage of Time

The Passage of Time

We are all here for a time. We never know how long we have, or even how to spend the time we have. We are often plagued with missed chances, regrets can plague us, regrets of the things we do, and the things we don’t do. What drives us to go to bed and wake up every morning? We wake up in the morning because of Romans 5:6 “For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.” We aren’t helpless anymore. We are free from our chains, of our bondage, and we are still just as free to make our decisions as we ever were. Of course however for every action there is a reaction, a consequence. Our actions in this world have consequences and we will one day be led to answer for them. Galatians 6:99 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” If we spend our time treating others badly it’s only a matter of time before that catches up with us. If we pursue Godly avenues and Godly pursuits, we will be blessed by it.

Ecclesiastes 9:12 “Moreover, man does not know his time: like fish caught in a treacherous net and birds trapped in a snare, so the sons of men are ensnared at an evil time when it suddenly falls on them.” The only thing we know is death is certain. We will never know the when, or how, but one day our hearts will stop, our eyes will close. When that day comes and we are face to face with the creator and we are put on trial for our sins, how will we say we used our time?

No matter the distance we’ve traveled, what’s important is how we’ve handled the travel. Have faith that no matter what happens good or bad in our lives, 1 Peter 5:66 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:” We should not find ourselves impatient. Things may not go as fast as we’d like them to go, but we do live in a fast food society. We want everything right now, and we want it our way. We are spoiled. We need to find patience for our patience. It may not be in our time, but it’ll be the right time.

Heartbreak

Heartbreak

The word isn’t one to get tossed around lightly. I believe there are different kinds of pain associated with loss, and even that loss has different levels. When we loose a loved one, family, we feel the sinking hole left in their absence. What happens when the loved one is a spouse? This type of loss can be the most painful. There’s a difference in pain from where they die, and lost by personal choice. That is a different kind of pain entirely.

When you find yourself in deep love with someone, and you believe in your heart that love is by definition 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 “4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.” The only source of truth that’s suitable is this. Love is a tricky thing. We all say we feel love, but I dare say most do not ever live up to 1 Corinth. I would say the biggest issue is that of loyalty. When the loyalty fails, the so called love one used to feel disappears, and all that’s left is the bitterness of years passed, a pesky reminder that’s more like limb or appendage being removed by force.

After 7 years and overcoming as many obstacles as any family could, it would seem that the journey to creating a family would finally be on its way when fate it seems would hold a different direction indeed. We never truly know what would happen in given situations, but rest assured, when the time comes to be tested, sometimes a bad situation a dire event can cause a chain of events that are capable of taking everything you’ve ever built to the bedrock. It’s in those moments when your character is most tested.

After one set back after another, one crushing blow following another, the heart can only break so much before rebuilding must occur. Many people deal with heartbreak in different ways. Some will recluse themselves from the world. They hide in their comfort zone for how ever long and they don’t let anyone in to help them. They want to be alone in their pain, and for some this is okay. Others bury their pain and seek comfort in others. Some seek sexual comfort in many partners, and they do this long enough till one day they find themselves out of control, or worse pregnant or an unexpected father. Some people choose substances to hide or manage their pain. Substances like prescription pills, alcohol, or elicit drugs to name a few. Other forms of addiction may form, this includes gambling, throwing themselves into sports or video games, some instances sex becomes the addiction. Regardless, these addictions, these methods of coping do nothing but hurt in the long run.

Some resort to self inflicted harm. Most women use small razors to cut themselves, the legs, arms, some place that can be easily hidden from the world. Self-harm or mutilation is an extreme coping mechanism. This also is the unhealthiest one. Men however use more violent measures, guns, different kinds of pain.

No matter the form of coping you find yourself in, no matter how far along you’ve gone down a road of self destructive behavior it’s never too late to change your life. The road to recovery especially when we are hurt intentionally over and over again can be incredibly difficult and time consuming.

There are many passages of scripture that can be found to help those in need, those who suffer from a broken heart.

Psalms 147:3 “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.”

 Psalms 73:26My flesh and my heart faileth: [but] God [is] the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.”

1 Corinthians 13:7Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”

Psalms 55:22Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.”

 Whichever course your life has gone down, whatever coping mechanism you have, however deeply you’ve been wounded know there is always help out there for you. The future though cloudy and uncertain for us all may not be what you had envisioned, but you can build any future you wish. It’s said God does not close a door unless it’s for a good reason, and with that reason a window shall be open for you instead. It’s not for us to know why sometimes, bad things happen, but instead embrace them. Today’s pain may lead to great and wonderful things tomorrow. God isn’t Santa but with prayer and showing we can handle the blessings, the many gifts God has to offer us, we may find joy once more.

The pain felt in a single message can be horribly tender to our heart. The heart can ache with an intensity we may feel is never going to go away but in reality it always heals, even if the scar is an unsightly one. The sorrow from knowing she’s at the very least on the surface happy is a tough pill to swallow. How can we expect to live a happy life when the little things remind us so much of what we’ve lost, what we had? Distance yourself from external pain sources, but remember we can rebuild, and we can build new memories. Love is a cherished emotion, but it’s not something to come around lightly. God doesn’t want us to be alone, but understand the time and place far better then we do. Love if we are not ready for it will just turn out disastrous. Love when we are susceptible for great things, will be a beautiful gift.

No matter where you are in the process, just remember we must grow we must be ready for love and believe when it’s our time we will not fail. Love is a gift, and we should not be too impatient, even if that’s all we want to do. The future may not be in focus, but the turn around the bend may be greater then you know. Have faith.

 

 

Pushing Buttons

Pushing Buttons

Do you ever push someone’s buttons just to see where it goes? Do you ever try to get under their skin because you can? Do you ever get them aroused because you can? What about someone you aren’t close to anymore. Do you try to hurt someone out of spite? When you love someone how does that love turn to contempt? What happens to someone to create so much anger or hatred or contempt?

Ephesians 4:22 “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;”

Ephesians 4:29Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”

Anger breeds from sin. Anger can also come from your own dislike or hatred for yourself. Being miserable in your own life can cause you to lash out at others. James 1:20 “Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.”

 Proverbs 16:7 “When a man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.” No matter the buttons that are pressed or the anger that it may bring, conduct yourself with honor and a manner pleasing to God. Remember to love thy enemies, and take no vengeance for yourself. Romans 12:10 “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” Loving your enemies is possibly the hardest things you will ever do. Luke 6:27 “But I say to you people who are listening to me, love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you.” Matthew 5:44But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

 No matter the pain inflicted, as much as we can love one another, forgive like Jesus asked to have us forgiven. As we did not deserve the forgiveness of our Father we received it just the same. Never give up on love, and never give up on those who hurt us. A lifetime is a long occasion, and through God all things are possible. People can change through Christ. Have faith, and pray. All our life will be accounted for and we must answer to the Lord for everything we do, every word spoken. Be right with God for we never know when the day of judgement will arrive.

22 Veterans a Day

22 Veterans a Day

 On a daily basis there are 22 veterans on average in this country that commit suicide. The number of veterans who try per day is a number that’s not even known. Sadly the amount of people who die is vastly too many. Why is this an epidemic in our country? The life a veteran lives after the military is never an easy one. It’s full of pain, and loss, and a lack of self worth like few will ever know or understand. What kind of pain can someone feel that would be enough to override the simplest of functions, self-preservation? When the world beats us to the ground, when our value seems to go away the notion of self-preservation is the farthest thing on our minds.

Sometimes it’s a single trauma that can cause enough pain to force our hand. I’m not saying it’s ever right, but I do understand. When you feel you’ve lost everything you once held dear to your heart, everything in your life you rated as being who you were, that loss can be strong enough to wish it all away. As a soldier we are trained to do. We are trained to react and do so without feeling, without questioning the decision, so why not when it comes to our personal lives. The training isn’t like a switch you can turn on and off anytime you wish. What happens is sad, but true. When threatened the brain automatically kicks into fight or flight response. As a soldier our flight response doesn’t usually kick in it’s always fight and never stop fighting. When we feel as if the mission is done, and or lost, that flight kicks in. We are trained to avoid emotional attachments, so when something happens that’s extremely emotionally charged, we don’t know how to handle.

2 Timothy 2:4 “4 No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him.” This of course defines a big problem with today. Soldiers of today’s wars will go from war to home in a matter of a week. This is never enough time to decompress, to deal with the horrible things we face in war. When we get home and the real battle begins so few understand. We struggle to open up and let others know how we feel and what we think, sadly we often fail.

The true nature of the struggles is we just don’t know where to look. There are plenty of people who may not know exactly what we feel, but have struggles of their own. It’s not for us to push people aside. The mission isn’t over it’s just different. When we return, the mission is no longer to seek and destroy the enemy it’s to be there for our fellow brother and sister veterans. We must have faith that whatever battle we face, the battle will not be waged alone.

Psalms 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”

Help is all around us. There are people there who are willing to and want to help. If you’re a veteran and having financial troubles there are organizations to help. Facing PTSD there are places that help. It’s just a matter of using the resources that are there for you. Do not place your self worth on a temporary pain. When the mission doesn’t seem so simple anymore, when life seems bigger then we can take, we feel alone, realize we aren’t. What’s one soldier to do when life is so big? When the pain we face every day is a solitary one it’s more likely that we will loose the battle and sadly we can loose ourselves. The only truth that matters is we aren’t alone. The pain we face in basic training is only temporary. Sadly when one war is over and the next begins something about civilian life is harder to face. We feel as if the world no longer cares about us. We feel as if the problems will never go away, but the fact is they will and they do.

Joshua 1:99 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” God is always with us. As we may feel alone, we must not loose our faith. If we look hard enough God will always send someone to be there for us when we need it. God expects us to be proactive. God is not Santa Claus, things won’t be gift wrapped and left on the door for us. He will however give us exactly what we need, when we need it. Romans 8:38-39 “38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” No matter the fight ahead, no matter the fight behind we have hope. There will always be hope as long as we remember where to look.

As for me, I know who my friends are. I know where my support is. In the last 8 months my close friends have come out of the woodwork to help me. My close friends have lifted me up, supported me, helped me, talked to me, hugged my neck, called me, written me, and have gone out of their way to help me change my future. I can never thank all my veteran friends, or tell them how much I appreciate or care about them. Faith in the future may not come easily for some, and some days that faith will be tested to the absolute max of it’s limits, but no matter what is going on, PLEASE reach out and let someone know if you need help.

You don’t have to be a victim anymore. Take control of your life and start to live again.

I’ve Got Your 6.

I’d like to dedicate this Blog to a few people very important to me. (Galyn, Tabby, Doc, Brian, David, Paul, David, Michaela, Thacker, Chelsey, Dustin, [just to name a few]) You know why your name is on here.