Tag: Trust in the Lord

Trial by Combat

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Trial by Combat

If you really think about it often times the attacks we face from Satan feel like we are in the middle of Trial by Combat. This isn’t far from true. While there are some instances where we may experience the occasional poke, the intermittent frustration, but on some occasions we are in full-blown combat. There are some instances where we enter a season in life where war is on the horizon. It’s not always avoidable, and when the season does come, are you ready for it?

Trial by combat is an old custom in which legal matters were settled by hand-to-hand combat. One of my favorite episodes of Arrow was called “The Climb”. In this episode Oliver Queen challenges Ra’s Al Ghul to a trial by combat. If we really think about the troubles we face, is it so different from days of old? We may not be fighting for some legal matter, or honor, or even a bride, but we are fighting for the witness of our souls. When we face troubled waters we show the world what we’re made of. Satan wants you to fall to the ground bloody and broken. Satan tries to beat you down, punch after punch telling you you’re weak, you’re worthless, and your faith is nothing. When things get bad and your life is falling down Satan will whisper “Where is Jesus now? No where to be seen.” He tries to divide you, to make you feel alone. He preys on your suffering, on your pain, to make it about you, and not bout Christ.

The whole world can be crumbling down and the moment the focus turns away from God and we are focused on the “I” in a problem we have already sinned. The Devil has so many different ways to try and break you down, but when you’re in that ring with him, you need to stay focused on the fight. Don’t loose sight what you’re fighting for and why. Don’t loose hope if the fight starts to go badly because no matter how low you may get Christ is always there with you. There is no doubt that every challenge we face is a fight for who we are in Christ. Even when it seems like it’s the world that is beating you down remember since the fall the Devil roams the world creating dissention at every turn. Know that this is cosmic warfare and take heart we know who’s stronger. Ephesians 6:12 (ESV)“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” We are soldiers on the front lines, and we are at war. We are at war with the attacks from the outside, and we are at war with the attacks, the sinful nature within. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (ESV)“For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,” We must train our minds, and our bodies for the fight. We must be ready when the day comes that we stand toe to toe with Satan that we can resist the temptations, resist the anger within. We will be attacked and it will be relentless. We will face evil and there are day’s evil will wear the face of those we love. The Devil may take everything from us we care about, and try to convince us Jesus let it happen, or worse ‘If Jesus loved you he wouldn’t let it happen.” The lies the Devil tells are always bending the truth, to distort it, to make it sound reasonable, but it’s always 100% lie.

Ephesians 6:10-18 (NKJV)10 “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the [a]wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of [b]the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—“

 No matter the flavor of the battles we know that God is still in control. We know that we will be tested, and we will face many adversities, but we have the Holy Spirit with us always. We shall not fear in this life because no matter what happens in this life, tomorrow is promised in Heaven. Jesus Christ is the only way, and when we trust in Him, we know his promise will never be broken. It doesn’t matter if you fight fear of a hurricane, fear of a job, or fear of an illness, this life will pass one day for all, and tomorrow the glory of Heaven awaits you. I struggle with fears of loneliness but I know that is my trial by combat. Feelings of isolation, of being trapped on an inescapable island away from life is what I often face. I know what my trials by combat are, do you?

 

 

 

The Days Are Numbered

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The Days Are Numbered

The days come and for the first time in a while the sun was shining with low humidity, and a nice cool breeze felt amazing. With no storms in sight it was finally a day that wasn’t horrible just stepping outside. Not a bad day at all to be out running errands. It’s days like this that even when there’s so much to do with appointments all day, I feel at peace. Even with my new sessions of EMDR trauma therapy, and finding out one of my doctors is leaving their position, I have still found a sense of joy in this day. How often do we make it through the day, the weeks, the months without feeling that sense of joy? When we get caught up in the world, we forget that every day we wake is a blessing and a gift of God. How often do we forget to take a moment in our day to appreciate the little things? Psalm 118:24“This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.” David often found himself dealing with struggles, life changes, depression, and even amidst all of these things, he always remember where the little gifts came from. God, of course is the giver of all things, and we are commanded not to be conformed of this world, and we are told to live within our day, not worried about what tomorrow will bring. This doesn’t mean not to make life plans, but certainly not to become overwhelmed when something knocks the train off the track. Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow for it will worry about itself. Matthew 6:25“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one [aa]cubit to his [ab]stature?” We will not add one day, not one hour to our life by allowing ourselves to be overworked, overwhelmed, overtaxed. We cannot always change our circumstances in the moment, and yet we allow ourselves to be worked up, stressed often to the point of crying or shaking, which there’s nothing with crying, but we should not allow ourselves to worry so much. This is of course easier said then done, but in our struggles every single day, we should make a good effort towards trusting in our Father, and allowing our worries to be passed to God and trust that in all things the details will be worked out.

While I often wish my life held less stress, more play, more love, less obligations, and way more fun, I realize that we must take time to be adults and face each and every day with one question, ‘no matter what today brings me Lord, how can I glorify you?’ Matthew 6:31-3431 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” It’s hard enough worrying about all the big stuff in our lives, yet we drive ourselves to worry also of all the small insignificant stuff. We must learn to resist the worry. Think about why we worry so much, we worry because we don’t’ know what we are going to do about a problem, or a situation. We have doubts it can be taken care of and handled, but if we truly say we have faith in the Lord, it’s in that that we should be able to let go and let God. We cannot beat blood from a stone, and we cannot move a mountain all on our own.

Life is so short, and we spend so much time being angry, we are resentful, and we hold onto that for months, years, or even our entire life. There’s no reason to allow that to remain in our bodies. We would never want to allow poison to stay inside our bodies, so why do we allow ourselves to carry so much negative energy? Why do we allow ourselves to fuel our heart with so much hatred, and pain? We never know how much time we have, and one thing we must remember is the true nature of forgiveness. Matthew 6:15“15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” We do not want to hold onto that cancer that festers the longer it’s in our bodies. We may encounter things in our life where we don’t feel like justice has been served, but it’s not our place to find justice, or revenge. Justice is paid by God, and we must trust in God that no one gets away with anything in this life. Everything we do good and bad is cataloged and categorized. We must believe that if we cannot let go of that anger and hatred and forgive those of the wrongs they’ve committed against us, we also will not be forgiven.

It’s hard when you feel cheated, when you feel let down by someone so close to you, but as we are all sinners in a fallen world, we must understand that we learn from every situation, good and bad. For every bad situation we can learn what not to do on someone else’s actions, or learn what not to do again from our own. We can learn, and we can grow, and we must always grow closer to God with every breath we take. One day this life will end and we will get to go home, if we love and accept our savior Jesus Christ. This life is just a short time, but our real home awaits us, don’t sacrifice that home by holding out in this one.

Slow is Smooth, Smooth is Fast

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Slow is Smooth, Smooth is Fast:

When we get up in the morning we are on the go from dawn till dusk. The rush of life seems to have gotten much more busy, hectic and we now find little time to focus on the words and will of God. Don’t try to rush through life because you’ll miss God’s small blessings.

I remember when I was in the military preparing for my deployment to Iraq, we were training to breach into houses and buildings, it’s called mount training. A saying we had was “slow is smooth, smooth is fast.” The idea is that when one rushes into a situation mistakes are made. If we just slow down a little, the mistakes can be lessened. As we have read in scripture, life is a marathon. We must learn to slow down to see our blessings and hear what God is telling us, we are but faithful servants of our Lord Jesus Christ.

We must come to learn how to move through life with purpose. Moving with a purpose for which God has called. We have a glorious purpose each and every one of us. We have been blessed with intent to do our work with our gifts, glorify the Father who has shown us grace and mercy. Proverbs 16:4“The Lord has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble.” Do not be afraid of tomorrow. Do not fear the road for even in darkness there will always be light. Do not look towards tomorrow and miss today. Every moment we live in this world we have an opportunity to better it. We have chances to spread the Gospel and preach the truth of Jesus Christ. We cannot expect to We live, we live for the Lord. We Die, we die for the Lord. Whether we live or die, we do so for the Lord. Ephesians 2:10“10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” We are made perfect in the Lord, sent here to live this life in a mission that only we can do. Each and every one of us plays a part in God’s plan, and we must be willing to hear it, to live it, to act on it every day of our lives.

Matthew 28:18-20“18 And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” We must remain vigilant in the fight for Christ. We must walk in love and in faith, and never return hate with hate, violence with violence. We must love because love concurs all things, because Christ loved and concurred all to include death. We must go forth and spread the word not because we should, but Christ commanded it to be done. We will suffer along the road, and we will face all manner of persecution, but there is nothing this world can do, to ever strip us of our salvation. There will be days when the attacks are many, and the hurt runs deep, but I say to you do not fall into the trap the Devil has laid before you, stand tall, stand firm, and resist. Be slow to speak so we do not douse the flame with fuel. A quick turn burns bridges, but a slow tongue extends resolve. James 1:19 “19 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;”

Though we will suffer long as promised by the Lord, we shall do so as Christ also suffered and died for us. We are blessed by grace and love, and with the abundance our cup should always be overfilled. Galatians 5:22-23“22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Spread this love every chance you get. The spirit loves and washes over us, and we must slow down and focus on the relationship with God, so that we may share with others our blessings and truth. Hebrews 12:1 ”12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,” Slow down and see the temptations and the sins of the world. Be focused on the righteous path. Always be precise in your conversations and your communications. When we’re quick to speak we often make matters worse. Do not rush through your bible study. Go through the word with meaningful purpose. Read, read and reread the Bible and study the language. Learn the truth and share it.

Climb the mountain one careful step at a time. When climbing Mount Kilimanjaro  there’s a saying by the guides, “Pole, Pole” which means slowly, slowly. Rock climbing is an activity where slow deliberate movements are done to ensure reliability and safety. Each move can be the difference between life and death. Understand that in life there is a need for smooth paths and steps. Always be in control of your tongue, your actions and your directions. While the only thing needed for salvation is Jesus Christ, I cannot imagine someone who would follow Christ and not have a desire to share the good news with others. Philippians 1:6“6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” Walk in peace my friends, my brothers and sisters, and remember, slow is smooth, and smooth is fast. God Bless.

 

 

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Setbacks

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Setbacks

“Make a plan, execute the plan, expect the plan to go off the rails, throw away the plan”(Captain Cold)The path we follow and the plans we lay, one brick at a time on that yellow brick road, can only go so far so long as God wants us to follow that path. I don’t know what to say exactly except Captain Cold was a wise, wise man. I have laid the foundation to walk and expecting I knew my plan, but God had other plans. While I can’t say I understand, because Lord knows I don’t, I now have to throw away the old plan, and begin the research for a new one. I can’t say with any level of honesty I’m not hurt by recent events. Although that new job started off rough, it was just starting to smooth out, and I was excited for the prospects that by the end of the year I’d be able to follow through with my home buying goals. Now, I must figure out a new plan, and hope I am able to remain positive.

I’m not trying to make excuses but I find this kind of set back frustrating. Largely I am annoyed because I just can’t seem to go 10 feet without being knocked back 6. I have given my all to the Lord, and I am preaching and teaching every chance I get. I’m not engaging in reckless behaviors. I’m going to church regularly, and yet I just can’t seem to get to a point where I am in the life I have always dreamt of. I know that God has a plan for me, and my faith tells me to be strong, but the personality type doesn’t do well without closure, without answers. I am a logical planner and I need to know the why when something fails because without the why I don’t know what it is I’m to learn. I have struggled in the past with my faith and trusting in the Lord to lead me out of the struggle. I’ve never stopped believing in God, but I won’t lie, God and me haven’t always seen eye to eye. Obviously I have never won any arguments. I feel a little like Bruce trying to figure out why I keep rolling snake eyes, getting the worst of the luck, and having plan after plan fail in front of me. The future is as blurry to me now as it ever has been. All I can do now is dry my eyes, tighten my boots, and get ready to start a new trek.

Isaiah 35:8“A highway will be there, a roadway, And it will be called the Highway of Holiness The unclean will not travel on it, But it will be for him who walks that way, And fools will not wander on it.” Even though I wander, and I don’t know my path, I trust in my God. That does not take away the pain, but it means I can keep going. I feel like anyone else, and I have my questions, and sometimes I question God, but He’s always understanding. 2 Corinthians 5:7“7 for we walk by faith, not by sight.”  Though I don’t know my direction I walk strong and tall. I’ve got pain by my Lord heals my wounds. I walk in the darkness and I cannot see my way, but I feel the warmth of Jesus as the light guides my way. I don’t know where I am, and I don’t know where I’m going, but I know my way home. My savior promised a paradise waiting for me one day. I believe I am saved in the blood of Christ, and I know that no matter where my steps take me, one day I’ll reach that golden finish line. Isaiah 43:2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you.”

Today I don’t feel strong. Today I don’t feel courageous, so my God give me faith. My God give me courage. My God show me the way so I may walk without fear. My God today I feel alone, and today I am lost, so my God my God please stay with me tonight. I feel broken, and I don’t know where to turn. I have walked through the valley, and I have pain coming from every direction, and I feel as if the whole world is standing against me today. My God you protect me when I face my battles. My God your love is pure light, and my God I need faith to trust in you tonight. I feel the storm it’s all around. I know you have the power to calm the waters, to be fear for the storm, and you could make it all go away. My God can you stay with me, I will lift my hands, I will praise you, I will worship you. Tonight I’m on my knees and my tears flow to the ground, and I need you with me today.

If you feel like me, and the world is just heavy, take a moment to step back and pray. Every day we need to remember that attacks will come and if not towards us, then those whom we care for. We must remain vigilant and keep the word in our hearts. The world is designed to break us, to tear us down, and pull us away from Christ.  “Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.”  (Alfred, Batman Begins)We will have setbacks in our life, and we will fall. We will encounter struggles we never imagined, and we will face a world we don’t recognize. Our true strength doesn’t come from our own determination, but from the Lord above. Our true purpose is to Love our God and to do the works God would have us do. “Whatever you do, remember that. You’re going to make a difference. A lot of times it won’t be huge, it won’t be visible even. But it will matter just the same. Don’t do it for praise or money, that’s what I want to tell you. Do it because it needs to be done. Do it to make your world better.” (Ed Brubaker, Gotham Central, Book One: In the Line of Duty) Every day you wake is a new day to get out there an make a difference. Quitting is letting the Devil win, so keep pushing, keep moving, keep fighting, and don’t ever doubt who’s in your corner.

The Dark

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The Dark

The darkening cave surrounds you, the air thick and heavy, the pounding in your ears and the fear takes hold. Close your eyes, and extend your hand. Even in the darkest of days, a connection with faith, and you can be pulled from the deepest abyss. I have often felt as if my solitude were some kind punishment. I felt as if my inability to explore and make friends was something I had done wrong. Nothing seemed to be working and I felt as if I were in a cave all-alone. I have felt as if the darkness was overtaking me, and I never knew how far I’d slip. As the darkness spread it seemed as if most of the areas in my life would be affected. The truth was, and is, when pain is what causes the darkness it’s hard to find the light. The darkness is like an infection. Once it gets inside it’s hard to be rid of it. There are many things that can cause the darkness, insecurities, jealousy, and several forms of fear. There’s a fear in me of being alone. I fear I will be along for a long period of time. One of my biggest issues is basing my self worth on what others perceive in me. I have always allowed others acceptance of me to bring me down when they don’t.

The loneliness I’ve been dealing with seems to be a lingering problem. I know for sure, an undoubted fact that the Devil has been working overtime lately, feeding me lie after lie. I have sunken into a more depressed state, feeling alone, and questioning my own mortality. I’m not talking suicidal thoughts, but the wondering motif of the past, and thinking I missed out on a more deserved fate. These lies come straight from the pits of Hell, and it’s important to at least realize the source if we are to better fight against it. The Devil will try to attack you, finding the cracks to get in. Once the Devil gets in, the small speck turns like a seed to a plant spreading it’s evil fines throughout your life. What line of defense do you have to protect yourself from the trails and tribulations that will befall you? We know that scripture teaches us to turn to God for our strength. We are taught to guard our heart, and protect our mind. We are taught to use the armor of God and not allow ourselves to fall victim to the spiritual warfare that we are actively engaged in. The dark cannot exist when you shine the light on it. The light can only exist if you choose not to sit in the darkness. You have to choose to leave the darkness behind and fight to stay in the light.

Fighting depression, anxiety, hopelessness isn’t ever easy, but it’s something we must endure, and learn to fight back against. The darkness is in all of us. We all have the ability for great evil, but also great love. We will always have a choice in this life to follow the path of light or dark. We will make choices every day, and sometimes we may actually believe that what we are doing is what’s best, but I heard a sermon recently, your heart can be deceived and therefore you shouldn’t trust it. The heart can be fooled into feeling a great many things, and it’s in Christ we find our Godly wisdom. We won’t always make the best of choices, and we won’t always follow the right path, but if we truly trust in the Lord, and believe that we are doing what would be bring glory to God, then we stand a chance to living our life in the light, and not the dark. I’ve seen men and women walk a path, and just at the snap of your fingers something or someone comes along, a viper in the weeds to lure them to the dark side. Lust presents itself as love, and how often do we as a people try to do what’s best for us in the name of love? When we are fooled by the feel good emotions, the drug in which many marriages, and friendships have fallen into ash, then we see the darkness that has covered our very world.

While I find myself fighting the darkness from rising, and I have considered myself a failure by all right, I know where those lies come from. The struggle is real regardless. Your feelings should always be lined up with the situation to know that your feelings are validated. We all have good and bad feelings, and sometimes our life’s struggles cause us to feel badly about ourselves. It’s hard to manage what you feel, and what you know you should feel. I know I shouldn’t feel worthless, and I know I shouldn’t question my own mortality. The fight is real, and the challenges don’t necessarily get any easier as time goes on. We know we need to turn to others in our time of need, but more importantly the Lord. We know we can’t keep ourselves on our own island, keeping us secluded. Isolation is unhealthy and we are easily picked off when we’re alone. We are weakest by ourselves, and we need to find strength in numbers. Don’t keep yourself secluded, go out and find yourself in the light. Stay out of the darkness because the darkness can take hold, and if we aren’t careful, it doesn’t let go easily.

Mile High

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Mile High

Here I sit, the roar of the engine echos throughout the cabin. The ground is obscure by a thick layer of fluffy clouds. The sky is a pink with the morning sunrise. How beautiful is God’s creation from this perspective. How blessed I am to be given the chance to see this sunrise. The start of my journey, one I hope to be one of self exploration, a journey to find something within myself perhaps I’ve not lost, by merely misplaced.

It’s so easy to allow the world to distract from the beautiful chance we have to live. Living as it’s said is not for the weak. It seems almost unfair that we live our whole lives to work, to make money, to pay bills, and we can get stuck in a place within our lives where we are merely existing, not truly living. Someone asked me not to long ago where all I’ve been. As I began to think about it I had to check the map to actually make a solid list. Now as I’m flying over the beautiful blue planet of ours I find myself thinking how many places I’ve gone on the silver wings. Even if I were to die tomorrow, I’d would go with peace knowing I had seen much, experienced a great many wonders, and have loved deeply.

From a mile high or several, or somewhere in between, I am full of comfort and joy that God has blessed me. Even though I don’t make the best decisions always, I have always attempted to live a life that would bring a smile to the King.

Sometimes to gain a little perspective you just need to gain a little altitude. Let us all remember that in the weeks coming into the Holiday season. Don’t let the negativity the Devil loves to send as gifts to all, get you down. Rejoice that even in the darkness we’ve seen in our nation as of late, that Gods still in control, and even when it’s hard to see, have faith that it’ll all work out.

I know many of you are entering into, or have been on a season of hardship, but no matter the storm, it will pass. Storms always do and even if they leave a wake of distraction, know that you can rebuild. No it may not be easy, and yes there will be stumbles along the way, but you can build if your foundation is solid. Let your foundation be the God that makes all things new. Trust in the Lord and let God take your hand and guide you through whatever storm you face. If God doesn’t call the storm there’s a reason. If God keeps you in the storm, find the why. Learn, and grow, and be at peace, because no matter what, the sun will rise tomorrow.

As cloudy as it is on the ground beneath me, from where I sit the sun rises. The colors are bright, and here shows the truth, God’s Kingdom is beautiful and His Son, did rise and from a mile high, there is no doubt.

Rediscover

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Rediscover

The song plays in the distance, Moon River by Melissa Benoist. I have a dream to cross over the rainbow to find my Oz. A journey of discovery to find who I’m meant to be, I walk a path that seems black and white and without color we aren’t truly alive. Over the rainbow lies a land of magic, of color, of wonders beyond our wildest imagination. How do I get there I wonder, how do I take the step, then the leap to see if I can fly? I find myself scared to do what is necessary. I struggle to think about what if I’m making a huge mistake? The butterfly’s in my stomach doing summersaults, and as I watch a part of my life close, I wonder how did all this happens, I’m left with no answers. Life was good, moving forward, and I liked where I was. It’s so difficult closing a book when it’s over. A book that caught you, that grabbed every bit of your essence, and knowing that it’s done, it’s hard to grasp the finality of what’s come to pass. It’s clear now, that where I’m meant to is not where I thought I’d be. My life changed in an instant and in a year I found myself fighting a duality. I feel as if I’ve been split into two people and I barely recognize either of them. The man I see in the mirror I don’t recognize. The family that never would be, the career that ended before it flew, the awards that now gather dust in a box, all for nothing.

I know I never followed the typical path, but now I question why. What is it about me that so much bad have happened in a single lifetime? I look down at the cross I wear on my finger. The words of the armor are the reminder to remain strong and to fight the urge to crumble. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, and the urge to cry comes. I don’t know what’s waitin’ round the bend for me, and I don’t know if I have a friend waiting for me. I feel like I’m falling apart. My resolve seems to be shaken, and now I question everything. Of course when the going gets tough the answers are found in only two places. 1. Scripture, 2. Godly counsel.

Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

 My Lord, you must think I’m strong because I feel like the weight of the world is crushing me. Where is the light at the end of these hard times? Where’s the grace when the world isn’t fair? Where’s the faith I need to stand strong in the raging storm?

Rediscover 3Looking back at the person I once was I liked who I was back then. I look back and see the strength to take on the world, to overcome anything that came, and I was. I was a happier person, I was full of joy, and life. Today I feel so removed from then. I feel like the scars have built up and now I don’t see who I was any longer. I survived a war and through that I felt more me then I do now. The suffering from combat left me looking at the person in the mirror and I saw someone new. Now I look into the mirror and I see so little of my old self-looking back. It looks like me, but broken, fogged over through the steam that covers the glass. I wipe away the dew on the glass and I see the mask looking back at me.

God, I am broken today. I feel lost and I feel broken. My God I ask for healing today, and could healing happen today? My Lord on high you’ve watched me fall, you’ve seen me cry, you’ve seen me bleed, so I ask you on this day, to stand here with me broken together. Help pick me up and guide me along the right path. I don’t know which way’s up, or which ways down, I’m lost at sea with no stars to guide me. My fairy tale has broken down and like Humpdy Dumpdy I thought maybe I couldn’t be put back together again. Today I fall to my knees and I pray and pray, and I know that there’s only one hope for me, God’s love and God’s healing grace. I know that in this trial I’ve been tested. As many have before I me, I lean upon the words of prophesy.

Revelation 2:10 “Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and for ten days you will have tribulation. Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.” God you’ve never left my side even in the storm, even as I faced death, you carried me back on wings of grace. You saved me for a purpose and even when I don’t know what that is, you do. You have given me a second chance to praise you in the storm, and no matter the waves that pound against me I won’t back down, I won’t stop fighting. My God my God, you have seen me through the war, you have seen me loose it all, you’ve seen me stumble, you’ve seen me fall, but today as I cry and feel like I can’t go on, I feel the strength come from above. As I sit and write I cry and the moment I start my dog lays her head in my lap. You use her to remind me you’re still there.

I am reminded that I need you Lord because the worlds to big. I stop and I listen, I quite my mind, and I reach down deep to hear your voice again. It’s with me always but sometimes I forget. Lord you cover me with the grace of your Angels, you protect me from harm, and you lift my soul. You rescue me from the Devil’s snare and one day you will call me home. While today is not that day, and nor was it yesterday or the times before, you have watched over me.

While I sit and seek tomorrow I pray the rainbow is bright. I see my wonderland and through the keyhole I ask if I seek, someday will I find, someone to watch over me. The future is a question we can’t be afraid of. We must grab life by the horns and must learn to leap so we may fly. While I’m not sure where I’m going, or what I’m doing, I know that I must take the leap of faith, and I know this journey will be one for me to rediscover who I am. Often when a chapter ends, or even the book the next phase is to relearn, rediscover who you are, or who you’re meant to be.

Rediscover 2

I Can Go The Distance

I have often dreamed of a far off place
Where a hero’s welcome would be waiting for me
Where the crowds would cheer, when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying this is where I’m meant to be

I’ll be there someday, I can go the distance
I will find my way if I can be strong
I know every mile would be worth my while
When I go the distance, I’ll be right where I belong

As I keep going in this life, I know I will one day find that welcome. I remain on the path, and one day I will finish the song.

I will search the world, I will face its harms
‘Till I find my hero’s welcome waiting in your arms