Top Gun – The Arrow Preacher

Holding On Too Tight

In the movie Top Gun, (spoilers ahead) Goose dies after a tragic training accident. Maverick is stricken with guilt and remorse and can’t move forward. He’s told by Viper, “You gotta let him go.” We often hold on so tightly to the things in this life, we struggle to move forward. I’ve seen this with the death of friends, relatives, loosing jobs, etc. I’ve seen what holding on does to people, and I’ve watched as it destroyed lives. On the flip side I’ve also seen what holding onto power does to you. The Bible is littered with Kings and Stewards that abused their power, and God showed them the arrogance of their ways.

2 Chronicles 10:6-11“6 Then King Rehoboam took counsel with the old men,[a] who had stood before Solomon his father while he was yet alive, saying, “How do you advise me to answer this people?” 7 And they said to him, “If you will be good to this people and please them and speak good words to them, then they will be your servants forever.” 8 But he abandoned the counsel that the old men gave him, and took counsel with the young men who had grown up with him and stood before him. 9 And he said to them, “What do you advise that we answer this people who have said to me, ‘Lighten the yoke that your father put on us’?” 10 And the young men who had grown up with him said to him, “Thus shall you speak to the people who said to you, ‘Your father made our yoke heavy, but you lighten it for us’; thus shall you say to them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s thighs. 11 And now, whereas my father laid on you a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke. My father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.’”

Had Rehoboam took the counsels advice and lowered the taxes and spoke kindly to them; the people would have loved him forever. Sadly he turned to his friends, who were Godless sinners, and he followed their advice. The whole of the nation rose up in violent rebellion forcing the King to flea. How we hold onto our principles, which may not even be Godly. We are stubborn and we are prideful. We ourselves our sinners, but how rarely do we actually seek and follow the counsel of Godly advisors in our lives? We turn to power and greed instead of the Lord. We’ve all heard the saying, “Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”Which for most I’d say that’s true. We look at most of the Kings and Lord throughout history, not even just in the Bible and we can see how power grows paranoia, and with it, cruelty. Scripture is full of this, and we saw Kings like Harod, and how his rule was terrifyingly brutal. The events in 2^ndChronicles highlights two major points. 1^stpower is dangerous if we remove God from our presence. 2^ndseeking wise Godly counsel is important because without it Sin has a way of interfering in making the right decisions. Both of these are important not just in positions of influence, but also our everyday lives.

When we are leaders within our household especially men, what kind of leader are we? Do we run our house with an iron fist? Do we hold on so tightly that no one has any room to breathe? Remember the other well known saying, because it’s just as important, “With great power comes great responsibility.” (Spiderman) It’s important that we allow the creative mind to grow and prosper. The innovations to all aspects of life is so important because it allows for personal growth. We are not just drones to be bossed around or controlled. Often times in home or our work environments and overbearing individual may eventually push everyone under them to leave abruptly because they feel suffocated. This kind of leadership doesn’t usually allow for fresh innovative ideas or creativity to flourish. They are close-minded, and often fail to recognize others for their achievements. Negative reinforcement is rarely affective and should be used sparingly, but with micro managers, it’s the first go to for most. Same thing applies with parents who are that way.

We see in children who are raised in overly strict homes, the first taste of freedom they receive, they are more likely to get themselves into trouble. So how do we realize we’re holding on to tightly? Well, the first thing we need to do is evaluate our words. When we talk to those around us do our words edify them? There is a difference between correcting bad behavior and being controlling. We must remember, we are to train up a child in Christ. So when he or she is older they shall not depart from it. But we as adults don’t like the idea of being told what to do. We don’t like the idea of God pushing us or correcting us. We must learn respect and that’s for everyone. God may move our course by putting someone in our path who will correct our bad behavior, and if we are to grow, we should be receptive of ideas, and not so quick to dismiss them. We must have faith that God is always trying to teach us, so we need to let go of the reigns a little and let God drive, and we need to let go of some control in order to take a good look around. If you let power drive you, next thing you know, you’ve snapped your fingers and half the universe is gone.

To All: I want to thank each and every one of you who read my posts. For those of you who are regulars my heart goes out to you in deep gratitude. For those who are new, I’d like to thank you for taking the time to read my work. As a token of my appreciation, I’d like to share a free 30 day trial to a travel shopping website. Use the promo code, and take a look.

Also, I will be on vacation for a few days. My next post will likely be Sunday the 20th. In the mean time, please feel free to go back and read older posts. Comments are always welcome.

Do you want to win the battle or do you want to win the war?

“Better to retire and save your aircraft than push a bad position.” Viper We get into fights and arguments all the time, for all kinds of different reasons. Most of it is a different point of view based on ones past and not knowing how to truly listen and understand the other person. We as a society have lost the simple ability to listen with any kind of empathy, or even care to the other person’s point of view. Our differences are important, but understanding and respecting those differences is equally as important.

When we talk about marriage and long term relationships, or any relationship for that matter it’s important to realize conflict will come up in every relationship. When conflict comes up the key is not to avoid it, but to learn how to successfully iterate your point of view, accept the other persons, and find a common ground solution. I personally have not been very good at this in the past. I’m not usually the type to go into hulk mode, yell and scream, hulk smash sort of thing, but I would instead use a logical approach, use data and facts to back up my argument. Now most would say that’s a great way to go at it, however, while sometimes it’s a good way, others it can be a great determent. When the argument has an emotional side and the other person has an emotional response to the argument, not asking or understanding that POV can be hurtful to the other person. If you are like me, and in the past I would say well these are the facts, and because of that, everything else is wrong, that can make the other person feel rejected because you didn’t take the time to listen or understand the how or the why they feel that way.

If we take just a little bit of time to question if the argument or disagreement we’re in is important or now we can avoid a lot of problems just by throwing in the towel sooner. One of my major faults was to approach the argument by way of evidence and if it were rejected I’d try to give the evidence a different spin and present again. Sadly, repeating an argument doesn’t usually get you anymore, so learn from me, and don’t do that. Maybe once or twice, but even that second try of repeating may not be a good idea. A Christians we are taught in James 1:19 “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:” This isn’t a suggestion, this is what we are told to do. When we listen, and listen with empathy we can learn a great deal about the other side of the table.

When we are at the table we should learn one particularly useful trait and with the empathetic listening we should also use the art of negotiations. If the debate is getting out of hand we should learn how to back up, and open the table to negotiations for a compromise. Trust me guys and gals, it’s better to both loose something in the negotiations rather then loose each other. If we for just one second try to look through God’s eyes and use God’s heart we may just learn it’s better to just let go, because whatever you’re arguing about may not be important in a few days, or even a few hours. Some big decisions should be handled with lots of prayer and open lines of communication, but always learn to compromise and negotiate. Always learn why the other person feels the way they do.

If you want a long, strong, healthy relationship it’s best to learn the skills of how to effectively present your side of any discussion and learn how to ask for the other. Get all the facts. When you’re angry or frustrated check the facts, see if your emotions match the level situation. We can often be more frustrated then we should be, we can be more angry than we should be, and it’s important to be able to catch when those things happen.

Remember when you love someone whatever the argument is, it’s probably not worth the fight. Once we get to fighting we’ve lost track of the point of love. Love your neighbors as yourself which means fighting with them is hurting you too. As Viper said in top Gun it’s better to retire then get yourself into a bad situation.