Tag: To be a man

If The War is Won, Why Do I Feel Like I’m Losing? 

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If The War is Won, Why Do I Feel Like I’m Losing? 

I am no stranger to defeat. I am no stranger to heart break. I am no stranger to physical pain. I am no stranger to major health problems. I am no stranger to hard feelings to express and share. I am no stranger to feeling beat down. I am no stranger to being lied too. I am no stranger to feeling guilty for just sharing my feelings. I am no stranger to the darkness, or loneliness. I am no stranger to the feelings of doubt. I am no stranger to the war, or the battles. 

But like the darkness rising again from the fires of mount doom, darkness threatens all of middle earth again. Over the last year the relationships in my life have gotten complicated, strained, and has left me broken hearted. I feel alone in the battle. When I stress how I feel the response is empty. When I express my concerns, or hard truths, I find myself in the midst of conversation by myself. It seems I walk this path alone. The moment the battle is tough, I look around to see those around me are gone. 

How does the messiah feel with his disciples fleeing for their own safety rather than follow Him to the cross? We know that Jesus knew everything. We know that He knows the hearts of those around Him. But when everyone who claimed they loved Him were gone, how does the Messiah feel? Alone, just His mother, Mary, and John. Does He feel betrayed? He went to the cross for the ungrateful. He went to the cross for the liars, and the broken promises. He went to cross for the murderers, and the cheaters. He went to the cross for the selfish. He went to the cross for me. He went to the cross for you. 

In this life I have often found myself facing the darkness without someone next to me to help me. I have often found myself alone, crying out to the Lord to not leave me. I have often said I’m not afraid of anything, but today I find myself realizing that’s not entirely accurate. I’m afraid of myself. I’m afraid of the sin within. I’m afraid of the monster that wants out, that’s clawing at me to break free. I’m afraid of that monster busting through and showing the world the sinner within. The one thing I truly fight is the anger within. When outside forces push me, beat me, whip me, and the darkness rips and tears at my armor to get inside. When loved ones betray me, loved ones lie to me, loved ones abandon me, loved ones know the buttons to push, and push them, the monster breaks free. I’m afraid of myself because I know what I’m capable of. I’m afraid of myself because I know that while I usually have control over it, sometimes, it comes out to play, and when it does those around me see what I try so hard to conceal. God knows my monster, and has helped me keep the emotions in control, but sometimes my flesh is weak. They say that meekness is not weakness, but rather the strength to have power but to have it under control. After years of training and war, I was a changed man. I learned how to take that anger and direct it at my discipline and fierceness on the battlefield. In my civilian life, I put the monster away. But for a long time, it came out every argument, every disagreement, and I would yell and scream. Even if I was right, in the argument, I would get to the point where I’d yell and scream. Sometimes when I was younger, I’d punch and throw things in my anger. Today, that person is few and far between. Today it takes a lot to bring that monster out again. Today, the Lord has given me a spirit of calm, of control. But I am still a sinful fallen creature. While I am better today than I was yesterday, sometimes the monster within breaks through and wreaks havoc in my life. 

I feel like since heart surgery, the emotional part of me has not been comforted. I feel like, while my physical needs are being managed, my heart is being left alone. I cannot share my feelings, or my hardships without it being my fault. I cannot share, without major repercussions. It’s a lonely road, and how I feel doesn’t matter. 

Dax speaks the truth in his Song “To be a Man”

Yeah, I know this life can really beat you down, uh

You wanna scream but you won’t make a sound, uh

Got so much weight that you’ve been holdin’

But won’t show any emotion, as a man, that goes unspoken

That we can’t cry when life gets hard

Unconditional love for women, children and dogs

We know that we just have to play our parts

And don’t nobody give a damn about our broken hearts, yeah

As a man, we gotta pave our way

Our only function is to work and slave

There’s no respect for you if you ain’t paid

You’re disregarded as a human and you can’t complain

And if you ever make it up and actually reach that place

And find a woman that you love and give her your last name

You’ll feel the things that you provide is only why she stays

And when you try to explain, you’ll say

I can’t hide myself

I don’t expect you to understand

I just hope I can explain

What it’s like to be a man (what it’s like to be a man)

It’s a lonely road (it’s a lonely road)

And they don’t care ’bout what you know (care ’bout what you know)

It’s not ’bout how you feel

But what you provide inside that home

Don’t give up, keep fightin’

As a man, our son is our horizon

And our fathers’ actions play a role and we end up like him

So they can’t let us see them hurt

‘Cause we’ll embody what we do and start a generational curse

No wonder most men are so depressed

All the things that they can’t express

They go to war, get thrown on the shelf

Then go back to war with they mental health

Then grab that bottle and ask for help

Try to pull themselves out of hell

Then fall back down and then realize

That they gon’ have to do it themselves

It’s the circle of life, as a man, you provide

They don’t know what you’re worth ’til the day that you die

And that’s when they start cryin’

Then move on to a man to confide in

That’s why we feel

**

They don’t care what you feel. To be a man it seems today you have to hide it. Today you can’t share the hardships inside without them turning on you, and not showing you support or love, or empathy, or even some sympathy. 

Life is hard and it beats you down. Life isn’t fair, and in our struggles as a man, sometimes our walk is just You and Christ. Sometimes this world turns it’s back on good men, and all we can do in our brokenness, and loneliness is to turn to our Abba Father. Since no one, it seems cares about our broken hearts, we can only turn to our God. When I need to explain how I feel, and it falls upon deaf ears in this life, I turn to my Abba Father, and He understands my pain. My God tells me to don’t give up, and to keep fighting. My Abba Father tells me to put on that amor and stand tall. My Abba Father, tells me to look behind and I see my Savior Jesus in the midst of the battle with me. I look around and see the legion of Angels the Lord has sent to comfort me. I look around and see the demons fleeing before a mighty and Holy Jesus. How I feel may be broken, and sometimes I feel alone, but Jesus tells me not to listen to the lies of the Devil. The voice of truth tells me to get up. The voice of truth tells me I have been given a spirit of courage, not of fear. The voice of truth tells me to tighten that armor and continue to resist Satan and his lies. The voice of truth tells me I am a child of God. The voice of truth tells me not to be afraid. The voice of truth says to keep sharing the Gospel of Jesus. The voice of truth tells me to keep living for Him, the Holy one, the one worthy to open the seals. The voice of truth says a legion of angels is ready to fight for me. The voice of truth says I am not alone. I’m not alone in this fight and I never will be. People may fail me, family may forsake me. But my Lord will never leave me nor forsake me, for it is written Matthew 28:19-20 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” 

Jesus told us He will be with us. The Holy Spirit sent to guide us, comfort us, protect us, chastens us, corrects us, heals us. It may be dark, but Jesus is the healer of brokenness. For it is in my brokenness that God’s strength will shine through me. I am a cup hoping the Lord will fill us up. Jesus is who He said He was, and it is our faith that heals us in Christ. My hurting heart, my broken heart, cries out for my Lord and Savior, to come comfort me. To show me the way, and to hold me in His hands. My body is broken, and battered, I am here on the ground, praying for your guidance, your love, your mercy, your peace, your forgiveness, and your holiness. Jesus please walk with me, walk beside me and lift me when I fall. As I sink beneath these ways, please sanctify me, and please lift me up and put me on dry land. For your glory, for your will, will be done. God, you will never leave me nor forsake me, and I am grateful. Jesus, I’ll follow you till the end, till my last breath, I’ll walk this path you have me on. You’re close to the broken hearted, and you’ll make me new. I’ll follow you till the end. Your glory, and will. 

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Held to the flame 

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Held to the flame:

Sometimes in life we are pressed and the pressure feels like more than we can bare. The fire rages on around us and we can’t stand the heat. Like a moth to a flame, we circle it and circle it until we are consumed by it. Or we are surrounded by it when it engulfs us. We are either made brittle by the experiences, or forged into something stronger. 

Life can be difficult and some people have more losses than people think we could bare. The truth is, they are probably right. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, God gives us a way out. What does the scripture actually say? Why, thank you for asking. “13 No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. – 1 Corinthians 10:13” It can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, but when that happens, and it will likely happen to all of us at one point or another, we need to lean on Christ for our comfort and guidance. We need to learn to rely on God for everything we do, not just when the going gets tough, do we call in the ‘big guns.’ We need to focus on our relationship with Jesus, and know that in all we do, we turn to him. Sin and temptation are more than just what’s found or seen in the big trials that befall us, but also the little stuff. Sin is littered in the Internet these days. One simple scroll, and there’s sin staring you in the face. It’s difficult not to get pulled in and tempted. Sin rears its ugly head while driving in the city. That slip up inside your mind, when you say the quite part to yourself. It’s still a sin. Why do we only turn to Jesus when we need something, or when life’s so heavy we are trapped in our choices, our actions, or our circumstances? A life of service to our Lord and Savior, is more than just going to Him when we need something. If a child only called home to their parents when they needed help or money, the parents wouldn’t feel very good about that. So, what makes us think this behavior to our Holy Heavenly Father, is, okay? It is not, yet we do it on a regular basis. 

I personally feel a great pressure upon my life. I feel the pressure to provide for my home, even if I live a simple life, a paid off car, one that’s aging, with no air conditioner, in the south. I live in a canvas tent behind my aging mother’s house. I live paycheck to paycheck struggling to put food on the table with the outrageous prices of food. Daily life is a struggle, and a stress, but God tells us, Jesus tells us, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry for itself.” Matthew 6:34. God always provides my needs for myself, and my family. While it’s a struggle, and the pressure is real, God’s grace is sufficient. We cannot expect smooth sailing as a Christian. The world is starting to reject those who follow Christ, and exalt evil for good, and turn what is good and treat it as evil. The world is turning upside down, and much like the depiction of Atlas, we men seem to have the weight of the world on our shoulders. 

As I alluded to in the opening statement, we Christians are called to be forged by Christ. We are called to allow the flame to heat us, to break down and push away the impurities of what we are not, and mold us into a sharpened weapon, a sword of Truth. Not truth of our own, but to bear witness to the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We merely hold fast to His word, preach His word, teach His word, share His word, and live His word. We offer nothing of ourselves, but that which is already His. We preach the kingdom, the power, and God’s glory. We share the Gospel to plant the seeds for God, to make disciples for His glory. We bare the burden of the worlds attacks, so we may offer the same choice God gave us to those we encounter, the choice to follow a holy and loving God. Living as a Christian man in todays world isn’t easy, and I say, the winds of change appear to be blowing and may make being a Christian in this nation more difficult. None of that should be surprising though. Christianity is headed for tough times, as seen in scripture. We must hold fast to the teaching of God’s word. We must beware of false teachers, and the preaching of the minions of Satan. Those who try to preach and teach the false Gospel are everywhere, and we must know scripture to see those teaching and preaching, who are not teaching God’s word. 

The hardships to remain steadfast are real, and we must remain true. We must not compromise or bow a knee to the whims of the world, but stand fast on the word. We must lift up our families, and keep being the head of the household. We must continue to hold worship within our homes during the week, and not just rely on Wednesdays and Sundays to provide the spiritual meals. Praying and study should be a daily part of the walk of a Christian. If the only time we pray is during church service we may not know Jesus like we should. If you don’t pick up your bible other than at church, you may not know Jesus as you should. We cannot fight against the onslaught of the world if we do not know the defenses Jesus gave us in His word. We must know scripture to fight against false teaching, lest we be swept up in the lies of Satan’s minions who teach these falsehoods. 

Do you follow your father the Devil, or do you follow Jesus? Make no mistake, there are a myriad of people who follow Satan, and many do not realize that’s who they follow. They hear false teaching, and rejoice in the words that lead them away from God. They do not know the difference because they do not see God’s words in scripture for themselves. They are blinded by the Devil and love their tickled ears, and put their own salvation in their own hands, thinking they can do more than the finished works of Christ. We are sinners, and we are saved by Christ, in Faith, by his Grace, for his glory, taught and worship by and through scripture alone. Let us lean to God for our strength when the world gets heavy. Let us not circle the flame of sin lest we get burnt by it. Let us flee from the love and lusts of the worldly things, and let us cling to Jesus. Have faith in Jesus and let us be wary of the world creeping around. Let us reject the false teachers, and hold fast to the truth of scripture. Let us not pick and choose scripture, but adhere to all of what it calls for us. Have faith, and always, seek first the kingdom of God. 

Go in peace and love. 

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Would You Care If You Knew The Truth?

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“Would You Care If You Knew The Truth?“

There was a new artist on the scene recently that released a new song called ‘To Be A Man’. In my own humble opinion, this hits to where men are right now. I was talking to my wife in the car recently, and for me, it looks like this: 

A man is either too emotional for people and told to man up. Bury the emotions and pretend like they don’t exist. 

“It’s the circle of life as a man you provide, they don’t know what you worth, till the day you die, and that’s when they start cryin’, then they move on to a man to confide in.” ‘To Be A Man.’ “It’s not about how we feel but what we provide inside that home.” (To Be A Man by DAX.) 

The other man, is that who by societies terms is full of toxic masculinity. To be a man is to be hostile to today’s ideals. As a White Conservative Christian Man I check all the boxes for me to not just be an outcast, but enemy. Today’s society looks to men as if they are worthless. They are not needed, they are not appreciated, they aren’t even wanted. The famous line from Cher was this, ‘Do you need a man?’ She replies, ‘For what? Today there are videos circling the internet of women saying how much they don’t like men, how little they need them, how little they want them around. We have a push in many areas to de-masculinize men, by changing them fundamentally into fem-boys. The future is a scary place, and for the first time in my life I have questioned the idea of bringing life into this world. I have looked at the world, and I am fearful for the future of the kids I tend to in the church. Revelation is a scary place, and knowing that’s where we are going, the only reprieve I have is the knowledge that Jesus wins the war. But for those who may not know Jesus yet, and for those who are perhaps left behind, their lives are not an easy road. The ‘Mark of the Beast’ is coming, and whether it happens in my lifetime or not, it could. This world has gotten dark, and hostile, and sadly, ‘it’s a lonely road.’ 

As the man of the house and the provider, I’m not sure I am doing a good job. While there are meals on the table, and a canvas roof over our heads, it’s barely scraping by. Every day, I’m dealing with chronic pain and it’s a struggle to get out of bed. I have to muster strength that is not of my own to stand in the morning. My will, my strength is gone, but it’s okay, because I was born for this. I was born in 1984, to live in a certain time, to do a certain job, and I know that I am unsinkable. I know that while the blood is in the water, and the sharks are circlin’ round. (Unsinkable: By Sail North) God put me here to fight the good fight here and now. God put me here to take care of an ailing mother. He put me here to be husband to a wife. The Devil circles round poking at my defenses. I am a man and while there are cracks in the armor, you can knock me down, but I’ll always get back up. It’s not I that stands up, but God who stands me up. It is God whose strength flows through my body, and His will that pushes me forward. To be a man is to be a leader, to be the spiritual guide for the home. To be a man is to have the courage of the Almighty God running through your body. I may be bleeding into the water, I may have my sails torn in the storm, but I will still reach the golden harbor of Heaven. I shall reach my destination with my head held high. I will finish the course He put me on, and no matter the hits the Devil, the deceiver, the enemy, the wolves at the gate pound on me with fierce ferocity, I will fight till my very last breath. I will fight and keep fighting till the day God calls me home. My job here is not done, and God, the creator of all is with me, and my mission here, is to do what he has called me to do. I cannot rest, I cannot be complacent in my life, for the enemy circling round does not rest. The enemy seeks to destroy, to break down, to rip the life from my lungs. God the Father’s Son, shed his blood to provide protection for me. The Holy Spirit, and God’s Heavenly Host of Angels fight for me in a realm I cannot see. How grate is our God who fights for me using the greatest warriors ever created. 

I have been blessed to feel the Holy Spirit with me with a physical touch, a warmth and comfort in the midst of battle. I have been blessed to hear the voice of God and feel his electric touch of life, bringing life back to my body. I did not die that day to live a life of peace. I died that day to spark a warrior to life. I did not die that day to live in the pastures sipping tea watching the peaceful sunset every night. I was brought back to serve, the fight, to be exactly what God wants me to be. While my body never died in the medical sense, something in me died that day. Recently I was exposed to an old quote by a famous author. “My hope is that when I die, all of hell rejoices that I am out of the fight.” C.S. Lewis. I was born for this. I was born to fight here and now, to continue to fight against the darkness that rises over the land. The Soldier in the Armor of God under fire from the flaming arrows, the millions of arrows fired daily, taking shelter under the shield, then using the sandals of light, advancing. Where am I supposed to be? I advance to where the Spirit guides, let the storm roll on wild, let the fight come, let us not cower in fear, for we were not given a spirit of fear, but one of courage. 2 Timothy 1:7. We can stand firm because while we may look small, a Lioness looks small, till her Lion stands behind her and he roars. We have a great and mighty God in our corner, and the demons flee and tremble at the name of Christ. How great is a name, that we don’t just speak his name, but He is with us, standing over our shoulder, and with God with us, who than can be against us. Romans 8:31. 

The life of a soldier is not easy. It’s a calling for those who do it as a profession. Having been a soldier, having fought in combat, having seen the horrors of it, I know the sacrifice that comes with. Being chosen by God automatically made me a Christian soldier. I was chosen before the first dawn on this world, chosen to live here in this time for a purpose. God makes no mistakes, and he waists nothing. My ship recently may be getting pummeled by the army of Satan, but I know that no matter what, I will make it to my destination. The Golden Harbor, the Pearly Gates, the everlasting paradise with streets made of Gold, an eternity with God, await me. Until the day the Lord calls me home, I shall fight the good fight. I will continue to make life hard for Satan, I will continue to take his attacks, for I know who’s with me. Men, society may not want you, but God does. They may not value you, but God does. Society may not love you, but God does. 

What is it to be a man? It’s to be the spiritual leader of the home. The provider. It’s being a living example of Jesus Christ in our homes. It matters not what society says about being a man, or men in general. What matters is what God expects of you. It’s being a soldier for the Lord, and fighting the fight to keep the family safe against the enemies at the gate, the sharks circlin’ round. It’s a teacher, teaching the ways of the Lord to your family so they may resist the Devil’s attacks. Be an example of Christs love and mercy, and discipline. I’m more than my parts, I’m a child of the King, I’m an Heir to Heaven. I’m unsinkable, I’m unbeatable, for as long as the Holy Spirit is in me, No one can pluck me from His Hands, I am HIS. 

I Can Only Imagine

 By Mercy Me

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk by Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes would see
When Your face is before me
I can only imagine

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