Tag: the Lord

Why Do You Keep Fighting? 

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Why Do You Keep Fighting? 

“Matrix Revolutions”

Agent Smith: Why Mr Anderson, Why, Why, Why do you do it? Why, why get up? Why keep fighting? You believe your fighting for something, for more than your survival, can you tell me what it is, do you even know? Is it freedom or truth, perhaps peace, could it be for love? Illusions Mr. Anderson, vagaries of perception, temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them is as artificial as the Matrix itself. Although, only a human mind could invent something as incipit as love. You must be able to see it Mr Anderson, you must know it by know, you can’t win, it’s pointless to keep fighting. WHY MR ANDERSON, WHY DO YOU PERSIST?” 

Neo: Because I choose too. 

“Pilgrims Progress”

As Christian journeys to the beautiful Celestial City, he first must pass through the valley of humiliation. There he meets the evil prince Apollyon. He said “I have given him my faith, and sworn my allegiance to him; how then can I go back from this, and not be hanged as a traitor?” 

After a long battle, Apollyon delivered a near fatal blow to Christian. There, Christian lay beaten to the ground. As Apollyon was about to deliver the final, fatal blow, “Christian nimbly reached out his hand for his sword, and caught it saying “Rejoice not against me, O mind enemy; when I fall, I shall arise” (Micah 7:8) 

In these two stories, an over arching question is raised. In the Matrix, it’s why do you fight. In Pilgrims Progress, its why do you give your loyalty to the King of the celestial city? Much like the two questions raised, we also face this exact question in our own life. After becoming a Christian, it’s one of the first things you are met with, an onslaught of attacks from a cunning, and powerful enemy. In my life, I have often found myself beaten to the ground like Christian was in his fight against Satan/Apollyon. It’s in this moment, I often think of Satan asking me that very question, “Why Jacob, why do you persist?!” That’s the question we must all answer in our long fight in this war. When times are hard, and we’ve been beaten to the ground by illness, addiction, sinful pleasures, or just life’s hardships, life can be pretty hard on us sometimes. Some, obviously more than others, but the reality is, all who chose to pick up their cross and follow Christ, will find themselves as soldiers in this war. The phrase used commonly in todays military, attributed to General William Sherman of the American Civil War, “War is hell.” Having been to war, I whole heartedly agree. 

As I wrote recently, “One day I will be recalled from this duty station. One day, the Lord will say my watch is over. One day Jesus will tell me, well done soldier, now rest. One day I will take up residence where I truly belong. One day, I will see what I’ve been fighting for this whole time. I long for that day, but for now, I will serve God faithfully here.” (The Week My Heart Stop, By The Arrow Preacher, https://thearrowpreacher.com/2024/12/07/the-week-my-heart-stopped/) I fight because of love. I fight because Jesus loved me enough to die for me on the cross. I endure hardships because Christ endured hardships. I take the beating because the Apostles, like Christ, took the beatings. I fight the war, because Paul said “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Eph 6:11-12) We were given a promise that at the end of our fight we would be given a crown, but we fight not for a crown, or a mansion in Heaven, we fight because it’s the right thing to do. We fight because the powers of darkness spread like that of Mordor upon Middle Earth. We fight because we have loved ones in harms way. We fight because we do not wish to see those whom we love perish to the darkness of the pit, where fire and brimstone reign, where no water exists to quench the thirst, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. We fight for love, and this love is eternal. We fight because we love, because Jesus first loved us. Poor Christian was beaten down to the ground, about to be ended with one final blow, but it was in his darkest hour the miracle occurred. That sword ended up in his hand, between his fingers, and he plunged the blade into the beasts belly, forcing the foul creature to flee. Christian, even though he fought the devil and nearly lost, he was victorious, by the power of Christ in him. We too have that same power flowing through us, and to quote the genie from ‘Aladdin’, “You’ve got some power in your corner now.” (Aladdin, 1992) When we are surrendered to Christ, and allow the Holy Spirit to dwell within us, the true nature of “I can do all things, through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13. This doesn’t mean you can score 100 points in a basketball game, or catch the winning touchdown throw with zero left on the clock. Sadly this verse is the most taken out of context verses in all of scripture. When you are Joshua storming the gates of Jerico and the odds are against you, it’s the Lords strength and decree that win the day. When you are Gideon and you face an army far larger than yourself, and God said to go, in Him all things are possible. When the Lord tells you to do something, it’s then you are given the strength to endure and accomplish what the Lord sent you to do. I fight not of my own strength, but of the Lords. I endure not of myself, but because the Lord has permitted me to endure. If it were left in my hands, I would fall, and not get back up. If it were left in my own hands, I would fail. 

Life is one of hardships, but for a baby Christian it can be confusing. A baby Christian is someone who is either new to the faith, or someone who’s been stagnant in their growth of the faith and are stuck at the baby phase. The baby Christian knows very little scripture. They do not have a strong relationship with God, and can easily be swayed by the word, and heretics preaching false gospel. These babies, often experience attacks early in their faith, and much like Christian’s friend in ‘Pilgrims Progress’, Pliable leaves Christian, abandons the path just as soon as he stepped onto it, at the first sign of trouble. Sadly in my own walk as a Christian, I have known many like Pliable, where they do not make up their mind, and at the first sign of difficulty, they abandon their walk with Christ. Largely the question comes up, “why would a loving God create so much darkness?” “Why would a loving God force me to go through so much hardship?” To that question, I answer this, God allows us to go through hardships because we don’t know what’s truly ‘good, or bad’. Anything that we believe changes our own plans, or makes us uncomfortable is considered bad. James writes, James 1:2-8 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.” The Author of James, the half brother of Jesus, understood hardships. When he was writing the book of James, Christians were already being persecuted, and murdered. He writes this knowing that when he says trials, what he’s really saying here is when our friends are murdered, and you become persecuted also, count it joy to die for Christ. How can someone so calmly say, it’s alright to die for a belief. Why do you still fight? Why did the Apostles continue to preach day after day, and endure the beatings, endure the prison, and eventually endure the death that befell nearly all of them? They believed because of what they had seen and witnessed. It’s this witness that leaves me to the why. Why do I, personally, as the Arrow Preacher, why do I fight? 

Early in my life I found myself different from those around me. I found myself struggling with being an outsider, and being different from my friends. Early on in my life I heard the call from Jesus, though I wouldn’t fully understand till I was older. The hardships I endured, and even the betrayals I endured early in my life set me on a path, and shaped my personality. Before I went to basic training I had many tell me, I wouldn’t make it through training, I would fail. The last day of our training we endured a 20+ K ruck march, where we endured both hills named “Heartbreak” and “Misery”, which are both perfectly named. This march would be conducted with our 60-80 pound rucksack on our backs, along with our helmets, and rifles. We would endure venturing into this march, incredibly sleep, and rest deprived. At the time of basic training I was a mere 120 pound tiny fella. I struggled from around half way, till the end. A soldier had fallen to the rear of the formation, struggling with an Achilles injury. I chose to make sure he didn’t march alone. I fell back to ensure he wouldn’t quit. If I wasn’t going to quit, I didn’t want him to quit either. We marched together, both struggling, both falling further behind, and in danger of the drill sergeant calling it, forcing us into the truck. We endured the pain, and continued to march ahead. It was in that moment, when I felt like my hope was lost, we turned a corner, and there two football fields away, I saw it, I saw our barracks. The end was so close, and I couldn’t contain my joy. Tears fell from my eyes, as I knew that while so many had quit, so many were forced by injury onto the trucks, I had endured, I had defied the odds, and I had proven to both myself, and others, that I had what it took to serve as a Cavalry Scout in the United States Army. It’s that same strength and determination that allows me today, to continue to defy the devil when he asks me, “Why do you persist?!” I persist because I choose to. I persist because I have faith. I persist because I love Jesus, and those around me, and the fight is worth it. When I look around, and much like the Matrix, I see people all around me who are still plugged into to the system of this world, it breaks my heart. When I see people who have turned from Jesus, or have rejected Him outright, I hurt in the knowledge they may forever face damnation. I fight for them. I fight so I may share the love of Christ, as He commanded me to, to make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them. I fight because I know that somehow, or some way, Jesus will use what I have gone through in my life as a part of my testimony. I know that God waist’s nothing, and He will use what I have gone through later on down the road. Or, what I have endured, is the forging process, to heat me, to make be shapable, to then allow the world to heat me, but always being the master forge, He pounds me into a beautifully crafted, battle ready, and battle hardened sword. Out of hardships the armor is born, at least for me. All the hardships I endured have culminated in who I am, a man seeking after God, knowing I am not alone in this fight. But, I am ready to fight. 

Part II The Journey

Years ago, when I was a child, I faced intense bullying. This was not just verbal, but I was battered on a regular basis. I received swirleys; I had my shoes thrown into urinal stalls, while they were being used; I was beat up in the halls; hit in the back of the head on the bus; tripped as I walked down the halls; my clothes stolen in the locker room; I was targeted in gym, and worse I was targeted for thieving, such one time I was walking home from the bus stop when someone came up behind me and grabbed the gold chain I was wearing, breaking it but stealing it. When I turned around to confront my assailant, I was met with a fist to the side of my head, instantly knocking me to the ground, my ears ringing, and my eyes immediately blurred. Another time I was battered because someone didn’t understand my meaning of something I said. I was beaten badly, punch after punch to my head and face. I didn’t fight back. The worst part was after my mother’s attempted suicide, which I was present for, having saved her life from bleeding to death. From that day forth, people would say stuff like, ‘you’re so worthless even your mother had to try and kill herself to get away from you.’ This went on for years of my young life. I had often attempted to avoid school so I wouldn’t be subjected to this torture. I would avoid the bus so I wouldn’t be beat up. Sadly, in those days we didn’t have noise canceling headphones to just ignore them. 

Then, there was home. At home, my mother’s ex-boyfriend was a hoarder of car parts and tools. In the home we had boxes from floor to ceiling, only carving small pathways to places like rooms, the couch, but every nook and cranny, every bit of floor space was covered with boxes. The only refuge I had was my own room. But, with it being a trailer, the walls were thin, so when mom and her boyfriend argued I would hear them. Mom would often come to my room crying, waking me up, even if it was late on a school night. 

The first time I moved out I was 10 years old. I moved for a summer, and by the end of summer, I was given the option for the family I was with to formally adopt me. In my mind, I couldn’t bring that pain to mom, and I knew that me being away for the summer would have given mom time to change. But, as I would find out as time went on, and one move after another, she didn’t change. When I moved to Massachusetts from Michigan for another summer, with the intent to stay and go to school there, my return home didn’t change anything. This went on for six different moves, and each ended the same way. It wasn’t till my 15th birthday that I finally decided enough was enough. Within a year, I was given the opportunity to in essence be emancipated, and choose the guardian I wished to stay with. I would move in with my grandfather, and that’s when life began to change for me. 

My trauma would follow me however, and it always created doubt in myself, a poor image of myself, and fear of losing the people I cared for. The first woman I loved; I would have done anything for her. Even after we broke up, I bought her a car, and helped her anytime I could. In that time I couldn’t imagine life without her. I went to war and again, broken up, she was the person I was fighting for, fighting to return home. 

War trauma is a very real, and difficult thing to overcome. During my time in Ramadi, Iraq, I faced battle. I would experience my first miracle during a well-organized ambush, designed to kill Americans. This miracle, had several little miracles, one after another, as we beat the odds, 100:2. A hundred or more insurgents against two Humvees. As Winstin said from John Wick, “Fourteen-million-dollar bounty on his head, and every interested party in this city wants a piece of it, I’d say the odds were about even.” In a way, this was the ambush we experienced. We survived several RPG’s, small arms fire, IED’s, a failure in the main gun on the truck, a loss of communication with our partner truck, three blown out tires, a loss of combustion in the truck leaving it to limp out of the combat zone at a whopping five miles per hour. It truly was a miracle we survived. We also lost friends, several from outside the platoon would not make it home, but also from within our platoon. We experienced a traumatic loss as a truck would be destroyed, killing all four people on board. I was there that day, and witnessed the horror of what an explosive device can do to the human body. I will spare you the blood and gore, but it’s severe. 

Having survived two very nasty divorces, even finding myself in jail twice, because of them, not for anything violent, but regardless, having lived my life as much like Captain America, like a boy scout, as I could, being placed in handcuffs, being booked and charged with a crime, was extraordinarily painful, and traumatic. Thankfully those charges never stuck, and I became a free man. 

My own trauma, where I put a 9mm hallow point through my left shoulder, and nearly dying, left me with enough trauma for three lifetimes. Nearly dying will always have an effect on you. My own experience hearing the voice of God, would forever shape my future. One week prior to the gunshot wound I realized I was going about life the wrong way. I realized that I believed in Jesus as my savior, but I had not surrendered to Him as Lord. It was this realization that brought me to my knees in repentance. Just because you surrender to Christ doesn’t mean life will go the way you think it should. While I am not harboring ill will towards anyone, I believe now, that divorce was probably one of the best things that could have happened to me. I don’t believe that we would have made a good couple for my role in ministry. God indeed works in mysterious ways. 

In recent days, as some of you already know, I had a series of miracles in my life, from finding the damage to my aorta in the most unusual way, requiring immediate medical intervention to save my life, to the failure in my heart, necessitating a pacemaker be installed. Even after that, random pain in my left lower back, led me to believe I had a kidney stone. Upon scans, there was no stone, and the next day I felt fine, but the scan revealed fluid around my heart. After a more direct scan they found the fluid was affecting my heart’s ability to pump. This prompted an immediate intervention, which had me admitted to the hospital. In total nearly 400 ML of blood were removed. For perspective the amount pulled out of my heart was nearly as much as one would give, when they give blood. For more information on my heart surgery recovery, please read “The Week My Heart Stopped” https://thearrowpreacher.com/2024/12/07/the-week-my-heart-stopped/ and “One Month Later” https://thearrowpreacher.com/2024/12/22/one-month-later/

Living in a tent under these conditions provides many challenges. Even recently, a strong wind storm came to town, and continued time after time, to pull the chimney free from its elbow connection. With a limited amount of both mobility and strength, to fix any problems that come, would add extreme tasks. The same day, the elastic guideline connection came untied. It took me 20 minutes, in the rain, to figure out how the knot was tied. It took a great deal of effort and strength to complete the mission. While technically living in a tent is choice, it’s the better of two choices. Once again I find myself in the midst of challenges, I do not have the ability to fix. Every day is a challenge, one I feel unprepared to handle. I know that one battle we must face is that of patience. We often want things our way, in our timeline. The greatest display of patience or rather, lack thereof, is in scripture is that of Abraham and his handmaiden giving birth to Ishamael. Sarah and Abram at the time lost sight of God’s plan, and did not wait for the Lord. They took matters into their own hands, and thus disobeying God. We should take this as our cautionary tale about what happens when we become impatient and try to fix a problem in our own way and time. God’s ways are above our ways, His timing is not our timing. Fighting the urge to go out on our own, is the sin flesh nature that highlights our pride. Often times, pride is a battle all on its own. Pride pulls us as sin pulls us. We don’t always fight large problems, sometimes in our life we fight our feelings. We fight depression, we fight anxiety, we fight doubts, we fight the sins that make us feel good, and temporarily satisfied. One more level of the battlefield that makes the war a complicated one. 

The point is, we all have trials, we have traumas, we have hardships, and heartaches, but it’s these things in our life that truly do mold and shape us. They shape us, but it’s what we do with them that define us. What does your character look like? Do these things make you bitter? Do these things make you cold? Do these things make you angry? How is it we are to take these things and have joy in our heart? Jesus tells us to take heart because He overcame the world. And He is with us till the end of the age. We have joy that cannot be taken, no matter what happens because we have faith in Christ, and this life, this world is temporary. How to overcome these things is simple, we place them at the foot of the cross, and we never pick them up again. We let go of the baggage that holds us back. As I have often used a rucksack as my example. When you’re walking up a hill, you take with only what you need. Much like the sword of Griffendor, it takes in only what makes it stronger. We must take in only what makes us stronger, and anything that is weighing us down, doubt, fear, regret, sorrow, anxiety, we set these down, and continue the fight. We cannot win the war if we have carried so much we are over encumbered. 

I have experienced so much, and the work it has taken to get to where I am, is not of my own power, but rather the changing power of the Holy Spirit in me. I am nothing, a dead man, without the Spirit in my heart. My works are nothing, they are but filthy rags before the Lord. Works without faith are nothing, and faith without works are nothing. It is our faith, that produces the works. We are never saved by our works, but our repentance of our sins, and our faith in Jesus Christ as He is the way the truth and the life. He is the only way to the father, and no one, not one person gets to the father except through Christ. Jesus told us the path to destruction is wide, but the path to glory is a narrow one, and few will follow it. I fight for the truth. There is but one truth, and that’s God’s truth. Nothing begets nothing. Intelligent design points to an intelligent designer. Life does not come from nothing. I fight for the truth because I believe people don’t willingly die for a lie. I fight for the truth because I know the apostles wrote the truth, they described themselves as cowards. They described themselves as afraid during the crucifixion of their supposed Lord. The moment they saw their Lord risen from the dead they became bold, so bold that they withstood great pressure from Rome, and the Jews, that they went to their deaths in horrible ways. No one goes to their death for something they know to be a lie. People don’t give up power, wealth and prestige, but a ranking member of the Sanhedrin, “Paul”, gave up everything to follow Christ, even after he persecuted them, and sent them to their deaths. I fight for truth because I believe scripture to be true. 

What do you fight for? Why do you fight? What are you willing to do, or how far are you willing to go? I have found it’s easy to die, it’s a hard thing to live, and continue to fight the good fight. For whatever reason, after all my near-death circumstances, the Lord wants me on this earth. I will obey my Lord, and I will fight. I will fight till I draw no more breaths. I will fight injustice; I will fight against wrong. I will fight to keep my family safe. I will fight to preach and teach the truth to all who will listen. I fight because I love. I love my family, and I love my enemies. I wish for no one to perish, and the time we have is precious. What we do with it, is important. Do we maximize our efforts to share the name of Jesus to all, or do we squander it? Do we fight to look like Christ daily, fighting our sin nature? Living amongst the world as a non-believer is easy. Living among those who hate you, and want you to not be a part of their society is hard. Fighting for the Love of Christ is hard. Picking up your cross out of love and carrying it, dying to yourself, dying to society, and walking a very different path than your neighbors is tough, perhaps the toughest thing you will ever do. But the rewards for doing so, are beyond our earthly comprehension. The gift to spend eternity with our Lord and Savior, is the greatest gift we could ever receive. The most significant miracle I’ve ever experienced is the Lord changing my heart. I went from being apathetic to the word of God, to all in. The moment I heard the Lord’s voice, and life was breathed back into my dying chest, was like God imprinted something on my heart and mind. A purpose, a guiding star to place my compass and embark on the hardest journey of my life. I fight because the Lord asked me to fight. Am I a threat to Satan and his kingdom? I do believe so, and thus why I have experienced such hardships in the recent years. I am sharing the gospel when I am able, I write, I do my podcast on YouTube, and I preach and teach to anyone who will listen. I am unshaken, I am unbreakable, I am forged in the fires of this world, and I will fight till my last breath, because I love the Lord, and I love the people of this fallen, sick world. I fight because I love what the Lord loves, and I fight to serve. The Lord saved me by giving me a new heart valve, and a pacemaker to run my heart. I survived open heart surgery; I survived my heart stopping, and beating again. I survived blood crushing down upon my heart, and I will continue to survive whatever the world sends at me, till the day, the Lord recalls me. I will fight the good fight till Jesus calls me home and says well done. Will you fight with me? Will you be zealous for the word of God? Will you choose to follow Christ? Let us fight this war together. Let us never quit, and never surrender. Let us fight in love because we choose too. 

20 Years 

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20 Years 

We were taking fire, and we were cut off from any support, we two trucks were alone, against the city. Any notion I had of being there to make a difference disappeared in an instant. When the bullet ricocheted off my door next to my head, I knew we were in trouble. That was the first miracle. There would be many more miracles to come. The RPG wouldn’t get fired, because of a well aimed .50 cal volley. The IED’s wouldn’t breach the cab. The second, third, and fourth RPG wouldn’t make direct contact with the truck. Neither gunner would be hit. The truck which tried to block our way would be an annoyance more than a hinderance, and both in the truck would meet Jesus that day. Along with the truck driver, and his friend, more would meet Jesus that day, by our hands. The gunner on my truck would have to abandon clearing the jam on the Mk-19 and use him M-16. Nearly going black on ammo, he never stopped returning fire with his small rifle. The final miracle would be my truck, which had lost all its fluids except gas. When I removed my foot from the pedal the truck died and wouldn’t start for nearly 6 weeks. There was so much damage to the engine from bullets it would take weeks to repair. 

         It’s an odd thing surviving such a well laid out trap. We walked right into it, and yet, we survived and many of them did not. While direct contact like that would be rare for our platoon, it was something I wouldn’t easily forget. I would also not forget the feeling I had during the attack. The bullet hit my door and both hands flung to the wheel. A calm rested upon me, and as chaos erupted inside the cab, I was at ease. Screaming, and bullets flying, along with explosions, and that young 20-year-old was not phased, not till the truck died and we were back with the other trucks. Once the truck died that’s when the peace I felt went away revealing the terrified, and very shook, kid. Was that the Holy Spirit resting upon me? I believe now, it was. I believe God sent a circle of protection around us, and saw us out to safety. Nothing else explains how we survived. When the insurgent had us dead to right and yet the gunner in the truck ahead of us made an impossible shot. Or the RPG that somehow flew just overhead, but close enough to sever the antenna of the truck in front of us. Or the other RPG that just barely missed either truck, but close enough to explode taking out my front right tire. How were they unable to stop either vehicle even when they blocked the path with a pickup truck. God was with us, protecting us. 

While I am aware that this following verse is for Israel, not for a small scout unit, I believe in my heart, this is what we experienced.

Deuteronomy 20:1-4 20 “When you go out to battle against your enemies and see horses and chariots and people more numerous than you, do not be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, who brought you up from the land of Egypt, is with you. 2 When you are approaching the battle, the priest shall come near and speak to the people. 3 He shall say to them, ‘Hear, O Israel, you are approaching the battle against your enemies today. Do not be fainthearted. Do not be afraid, or panic, or tremble before them, 4 for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you.’

I cannot say what our odds were of survival, but it was not in our favor. And other than modern technology of our armored trucks, we still had little odds of both trucks making it out that day. What are the odds that not one of us would get hurt, not even the gunners? No, I say the Lord was with us, and his protection rested upon us, his Spirit guided me and kept me calm. We were not just lucky, we were blessed. 

2 Corinthians 10:3-4 3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, 4 for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.

I march in the battle with the sword raised high. I’m still a soldier today, fighting a new enemy. The fight, the war for not our lives, but our souls. I’m a soldier, ready to deploy, all of my enemies, they tremble at the name of my general. I fought for the Red, White, and the Blue, and nearly died there. I lost part of myself in the hot desert, but the Lord of all found me broken and pieced me back together for a greater purpose. I fight for Him, I fight for a purpose greater than any on this earth. I fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. I fight for those who don’t know him, that they may have a chance. I fight and if necessary pay the ultimate price, to share one name, one single name above all names, my Lord, my Savior, Jesus Christ. If you knew him, you’d understand. See, He, the Lord of all, paid the ultimate price for you and me. Jesus laid down his life so we would know he was and is Lord. 

Fallen Soldiers, we stand on your shoulders. How many have died for us to know the name of Christ today. How many have died to have the Bible in English. The church is built on the blood of others. Starting first with Christ and his Apostles, and thousands of others. Even now brothers and sisters in Nigeria are shedding their blood for their faith. We must stand together, and stand tall, ready yourselves, and may we continue to sing praises for our savior. Let us lift up the name of Jesus so the darkness itself cries out in fear. 

It’s been twenty years since I saw evil face to face on the battlefield. But for me the battle isn’t over. My enemy is both the same and different, as it is against the father of lies, and his myriad of demons. While the projectiles that come my way are no longer bullets, bombs, or rockets, I am still under constant spiritual attack. While I survived the battle, only to come home to a foreign place. I recall it took me six months to find a job, and to do that I was forced to rely on a temp agency. The only work I could find was very difficult manual labor. It wasn’t even skilled work. In the years that followed, it seemed the best I had to offer was not worth much. 

One afternoon working my post I was flagged down by some students at the university I worked at. A student was going into anaphylactic shock. He ingested a cookie with something he was allergic too. I took off running down the hall as fast as I could to my bag. I grabbed my epinephrin pen and ran back, to quickly administer the life saving injection. Not long after the paramedics arrived and took over. In less than six months I had been given officer of the year for the district, which covered thousands of officers. I worked for the company for six years, but in my time of need, I was let go, forgotten like yesterday’s trash. Is that all I was, all that time? Just a body filling a space? Over the next couple years I would move into a more skilled position. Sadly, that position, although I loved it, would be marred by conflict. Eventually I would be injured on the job and during my recovery I would not hear from the company at all. All the talk about being a family, the company being more than a job, and yet once I was injured, that family was nowhere to be seen. Again, is that all I was, just a warm body filling a vacant position? 

Truth be told, in recent years I have struggled with the concept of relevance. While I don’t strictly have an answer for this, I am doing my best, to do my best. It hasn’t been an easy few years. Going from working to early medical retirement. As my body degrades and the cost of doing just about anything becomes more costly, I find it difficult to navigate the slew of emotions that are left behind. My desire to serve remains, but it seems the use for what I have to offer is lacking. Being retired is fun, being retired with no money is just boring. I have dreams and things I’d like to do, but the reality is without funds, most of it doesn’t get done. I have things I’d like to do, but ultimately it comes to this, what does God want me to do? In 2016, God spared my life, and saved me. Now, I’m living my life, trying to serve Him, and do the best I can. I keep searching for some grand plan He has for me, but now eight years later, I still don’t know His plan. While, I am waiting to hear from God on what my purpose is, I continue to write, and teach from behind this keyboard. I continue to bring the word to anyone who would listen from my podcast. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCV3r024gS2FRDIbpqnsDwWA

Living with chronic pain is not an easy journey. Often confused with pain from old age, this is not that. As I said, it’s been 20 years. It surprises me what we were willing to put our bodies through in the service of our country. I served in a time when patriotism was still high from the 9/11 attacks. I wouldn’t trade my service for anything though. Do I pay for it now? Sure I do, my body often struggles with just basic tasks, and seeing as if I’m only 40 years old, it’s a challenge. Life isn’t an easy road, and when you add in the life of a Christian, it adds significant challenge. We must face the reality of where we find ourselves, and not get stuck. While I don’t know what God wants from me, nor where am I intended to be, all I can do is serve the best I can one day at a time. Perhaps that’s all we can ever truly do. As scripture said, worry not for tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry for itself. Maybe the lesson to be gleaned is this, do the best you can today, with what you’ve been given. While I’m sure there is always a bigger picture, we have opportunities today. I guess the saying is true, ‘Today needs you, tomorrow can wait.’ Twenty years ago I survived, and although I can still see it clearly, I must remain focused on the needs of this day. Faith is what I live by today, and it’s that faith that tells me to keep going, keep pushing forward, keep fighting the good fight. I was a soldier once, fighting for a nation, and today I’m a soldier, fighting for the kingdom of God. May we never forget our battles, for they give the fight meaning, what we learn, what we experience, we may grow from. Never grow weary, and never surrender the fight. 

Today I remember the fight, the details remain in my mind, and I am thankful for God’s protection. There would be many more days of fight ahead, and some far removed from my time in the desert. A part of me is still there, even after all these years. A part of me died there I think. The young kid, full of life, and laughter is not the adult that left the desert behind. The last day in Iraq I remember sitting on the ground, my bag for a pillow, waiting for the helicopters to come pick us up. It seemed surreal at the time. Were we really leaving? That was it, just one day, the war was over for me. The ambush came so early in the deployment but it set the tone for the remainder time in Camp Ramadi. I would never view life the same. The constant awareness would become second nature. The constant threat assessment would be commonplace for me. The losses we feel every day in our hearts would not go away as easily as us flying from the base in a helicopter. The weight we carry has been with us ever since. War changes a person, and unless you experience it, it’s hard to explain. The battle for Iraq lasted more than 15 years and I have often wondered what did we gain? When I arrived there I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to free the Iraqi people from a régime that threatened their way of life, and held them hostage under the thumb of a ruthless dictator and his sons. Looking back, and experiencing the hurt, and the betrayal as I watched on TV. As ISIS took control of Ramadi. Why were we there, if it was just going to be given to a new enemy? Answers sadly would not come as the hurt funneled into my heart. What was a soldiers life worth? The scars left behind by that place are much like the wound Frodo wound experience on Weathertop, a wound that would never fully heal. 

I am still a soldier, albeit broken, and slower than I used to be. I still rise every day ready to fight the good fight, and know that war while we live might be inevitable, are only battles in the grand scheme of things. But Jesus will win the war. Jesus will return with a mighty army and slay the enemies of the throne. I a soldier in His grand army, continue to fight, but instead of bullets, and tanks, I fight with the Holy Word of God. I do not fear death, for death comes for us all. I believe when death comes I would welcome it as a release from my time in service, and allowed to finally go home, and finally rest. Jesus paid the price for my sins, and one day he will grant my leave. That day may not be today, or tomorrow, but till then, I soldier on, and I continue to fight the good fight, and I continue to stand my ground against all my enemies, the chief enemy, the father of lies, Satan. I shall continue to pick up my sword, tighten the straps of the Armor of God I so willingly wear, and prepare for battle today, the next day, the next battle, each and every day, I fight. 

To those who came home still in the fight, I pray for you. 

To those who didn’t come home, I fight to honor your sacrifice. 

To those who serve or served I salute your service. 

For more reading:

The Longest Road 

Youtube: Overcoming

The Battle Continues 

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The Battle Continues: 

It’s been well over a decade since an excited and scared kid ended up in the Middle East. He was filled with honor and duty. He thought he could single handedly save the day, or die in a blaze of glory. The truth was much less glorious. The days were long and hot, and difficult to the core of his being. The time for training was over, and the realization that every day could be the last on Earth, didn’t escape him. The desert heat and the sand that came with was a constant reminder he wasn’t in Michigan anymore. The constant bang of outgoing artillery, along with the sound of helicopters, and then the not so occasional incoming mortars and rockets kept the adrenalin at an unhealthy but necessary high. Was he broken already, because his fight or flight seemed to be. He barely winced when the explosions occurred at random throughout the day. At one point several months in that dingy and dirty place, he was on the roof, the faint pops of incoming rounds and yet, he stood tall upon the building, watching the rounds fall from the sky and the impacts causing dust and debris to fill the air. What was wrong with him, that these things didn’t seem to bother him in the slightest. Months prior less than a month into the deployment a well-planned ambush locked his crew in a dangerous game of surviving the maze. The enemy was ready and planned the route, a kill box. A few hundred to two. Two trucks against a couple hundred of well-armed insurgents. With IED’s *Road Side Bombs, set in wait, along with hundreds of armed men and even some women with shoulder fire rockets *RPG’s, and rifles. What hope could a couple trucks have against multiple city blocks of the house of terrors? The answer would come in the most unusual way. Psalm 144:1-2 “Blessed be the Lord my Rock,

Who trains my hands for war, And my fingers for battle— 2 My lovingkindness and my fortress,

My high tower and my deliverer, My shield and the One in whom I take refuge, Who subdues my people under me.” My fingers and hands were indeed trained for war, and in the middle of the battle I felt as if a presence had taken over my hands, guiding me, showing me how to get out of the kill zone. A sense of peace in the middle of the battle took hold of me. While there were screams of war surrounding me, and the sounds of weapons fire, explosions, and a dying truck, peace was with me. Holy Spirit, Angel sent by the Lord, I can’t say, but I know we were delivered by God from the midst of battle. The battle wages on in my head on a regular basis, but not so much as the fateful day when the world changed, the scars left behind would forever alter that kid who went to war as a kid, but would emerge something else. 

“War is Hell” (Sherman) This seems so simplistic yet, real. War never really leaves us. “War, it doesn’t leave you. It… It can, it can bury itself, but it’s, it’s always there.” (Christine Chapel, ST. SNW) 

War, leaves a mark, one that most cannot see. The things soldiers see in the course of their duty is that of nightmares, things we have become desensitized too in our lives due to Hollywood. Those who choose to wear the uniform bare the burdens of nightmares, and emotional scars, so that others may not have too. Freedom comes at a high price, and love it, or hate the politics involved, some bullies need to be stopped. Some battles must be waged by those who can, to protect those who can’t. The time to act was put before us, and no matter the truth as to why we were there, we were in fact there. The politics, and the reasons no longer mattered when the mission had become survive and to the best you can to impact your area in the most positive way possible. Attempt to bring peace and prosperity to where you were. Scripture says “18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” Romans 12:18. Some days, the war comes to you, it hurts, it breaks you, and leaves you down on the floor, wondering how, why, did it all come to this? 

The destruction of one Humvee is always a risk, one that the higher ups deemed as an acceptable one. The missions came daily, and all we soldiers could do was hope they were worth it. The explosion rings in my mind every day. The sight of the plomb of black smoke, one tan door a hundred feet into the sky, and a soldiers worst nightmare became reality. Four dead. What happened in those hours would both destroy lives, and create a new family. Tragedy often brings people together in ways that still surprises me. How do we get through such gruesome and tragic endings? Time, prayer, and family. War leaves a mark, and it never leaves. Some days, something comes to mind and it picks at the wounds, causing it to bleed, to tear open, and there is often little comfort. 

Psalm 23

23 The Lord is my shepherd;

I shall not want.

2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters.

3 He restores my soul;

He leads me in the paths of righteousness

For His name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil;

For You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil;

My cup runs over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

All the days of my life;

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord

Forever.

We cannot change the past, and we cannot ignore it either. When the days come that the war comes back, we must give it, it’s due. We must acknowledge it, see it for what it is, and deal with it accordingly. Finding peace in tragedy is one of the hardest things a soldier will do. The training of a soldier is to change that person, train them to do the things that are opposite to human nature. Self-preservation is built into a personal DNA, yet a soldier will often run towards danger, stand tall, fight. A soldier will put those feelings into a box and put that box under lock and key in a closet with another door and lock, all to face the danger in front of them, and to be able to do so effectively. Soldiers, firefighters, police, doctors and nurses, all face these kinds of things. How does someone see their friends blown up, see the wreckage and sleep at night? Time, and effort, therapy, and prayer. There is no cure for the battle, but we can train ourselves to face the new type of warfare. The training to be a soldier takes a long time, sometimes years, but the truth is, you’ll never stop being a soldier, not really. Learning how to be something more when the soldering is done, takes a lot of time, and effort, but there is hope, because while you will never stop being a soldier, there is a way to be more. We are not defined by just one thing in our lives, parent, child, graduate, soldier, spouse, Christian. Psalm 23, a man, a soldier, a shepherd, a king, a husband, father, adulterer, murderer, judge, a man after God’s own heart, David held many tags for his life. How do we survive the trials and tribulations in life? Faith. We must have faith that God the Father is in control on the throne. We must have faith that our pain is not in vein. We must trust that while Satan often means things for our harm, for the Christian, God can and will use everything we go through for good. Will we stumble and fall? Sure we will. Will we have days when the PTSD hits us strong like a heavy weight punch to the face, absolutely. But through it all, scripture gives us all we need. Romans 5:1-5 5 “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; 4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” 

Life isn’t going to be an easy time as a Christian. Sometimes we must fight the good fight. Sometimes we must put on the war vest and do our best to bring peace. Sometimes we have to stand up for those who can’t stand for themselves. No matter the battles, the hardships, the trials, we know we have a King, a Lord, a Savior who understands, and is there with us. We know the vail was torn and we have a direct line to the God of the Universe and we can turn to seek his face any time, day or night. We know that he is with us, and we will never be alone. We know he will never leave, nor will He forsake us. And we know that when we seek his forgiveness in true repentance, we will be forgiven. While we were soldiers, we who follow Christ, are both soldiers of our country, but also soldiers for Christ, the General of the Fathers army of Angels and men. We are part of the war for souls, and we are called to go forth, make disciples, baptize in His *Jesus name. We are called to fight the good fight. How do we carry on from war, we realize that one war is over, and the next begins. We fight for Jesus, and he fights for us. We sacrifice for Jesus, because he sacrificed for us. We seek his face, because he sought ours. We are strong not of our own will, but the strength He gives to us. He gives us refuge when we need refuge. He corrects us when we are wrong, holds us when we weep. 

Take the battle one day at a time, and put your assurance upon the Lord of Lords. Cast your burdens upon him, and he will guide you. We were not given a spirit of fear, but one of Courage. Fight the good fight, and never give up, and never surrender. 

The Lord Protects Me

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The Lord Protects Me 

Psalm 121:5The Lord is your keeper;

The Lord is your shade at your right hand.

6 The sun shall not strike you by day,

Nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;

He shall preserve your soul.

8 The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in

From this time forth, and even forevermore.

The Lord is my Keeper. I am his sheep and as he is my Shepherd I trust my safety in His perfect hands. We are important to God so God has determined to give us His attention. God does not keep score of our past transgressions after we repent and ask for forgiveness. Acts 3:19“Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord,” If the creator of the Heavens and Earth loves us so much shouldn’t we be able to put our faith in God? 

God will not bend or break to the attacks of the evil that tried to overthrow and destroy the Kingdom. The attacks are never ending and God is ever watchful for the protections of not only the glorious Kingdom of Heaven, which always has been and always will be perfect, but of each and every one of our souls. God will always give us what we need when we need it. It’s not to say we don’t have trials and troubles, but God will give us strength, joy, peace and no matter what we may need to do, God is with us. We struggle in a world that’s tough, but our souls are safe. Psalm 121:7“The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul.”

I have experienced a great number of trials in my life, and in the worst of them, I could feel the presence of God. I recall the ambush in Iraq, feeling at ease despite the chaos all around me. After I took that bullet to the shoulder and lost consciousness and I experienced a near death close call, the voice of God brought me back from the brink. I can say without a doubt if it weren’t for God I wouldn’t be alive today. God has seen fit to protect me, to keep me alive, and is always keeping me on track. God has not always kept me from harm, but God has protected my soul.

Deuteronomy 31:6 (NKJV)6 “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”From my own life I know that this is true, and I have never been left. I trust in my Lord, and I know that no matter what happens to my physical body, my soul is safe. I know that my future is set, and I will do what I can in this life to be pleasing to God, and one day I will finish the race and I will be called home. Forever protected by my King. 

Trial by Combat

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Trial by Combat

If you really think about it often times the attacks we face from Satan feel like we are in the middle of Trial by Combat. This isn’t far from true. While there are some instances where we may experience the occasional poke, the intermittent frustration, but on some occasions we are in full-blown combat. There are some instances where we enter a season in life where war is on the horizon. It’s not always avoidable, and when the season does come, are you ready for it?

Trial by combat is an old custom in which legal matters were settled by hand-to-hand combat. One of my favorite episodes of Arrow was called “The Climb”. In this episode Oliver Queen challenges Ra’s Al Ghul to a trial by combat. If we really think about the troubles we face, is it so different from days of old? We may not be fighting for some legal matter, or honor, or even a bride, but we are fighting for the witness of our souls. When we face troubled waters we show the world what we’re made of. Satan wants you to fall to the ground bloody and broken. Satan tries to beat you down, punch after punch telling you you’re weak, you’re worthless, and your faith is nothing. When things get bad and your life is falling down Satan will whisper “Where is Jesus now? No where to be seen.” He tries to divide you, to make you feel alone. He preys on your suffering, on your pain, to make it about you, and not bout Christ.

The whole world can be crumbling down and the moment the focus turns away from God and we are focused on the “I” in a problem we have already sinned. The Devil has so many different ways to try and break you down, but when you’re in that ring with him, you need to stay focused on the fight. Don’t loose sight what you’re fighting for and why. Don’t loose hope if the fight starts to go badly because no matter how low you may get Christ is always there with you. There is no doubt that every challenge we face is a fight for who we are in Christ. Even when it seems like it’s the world that is beating you down remember since the fall the Devil roams the world creating dissention at every turn. Know that this is cosmic warfare and take heart we know who’s stronger. Ephesians 6:12 (ESV)“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” We are soldiers on the front lines, and we are at war. We are at war with the attacks from the outside, and we are at war with the attacks, the sinful nature within. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (ESV)“For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,” We must train our minds, and our bodies for the fight. We must be ready when the day comes that we stand toe to toe with Satan that we can resist the temptations, resist the anger within. We will be attacked and it will be relentless. We will face evil and there are day’s evil will wear the face of those we love. The Devil may take everything from us we care about, and try to convince us Jesus let it happen, or worse ‘If Jesus loved you he wouldn’t let it happen.” The lies the Devil tells are always bending the truth, to distort it, to make it sound reasonable, but it’s always 100% lie.

Ephesians 6:10-18 (NKJV)10 “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the [a]wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of [b]the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—“

 No matter the flavor of the battles we know that God is still in control. We know that we will be tested, and we will face many adversities, but we have the Holy Spirit with us always. We shall not fear in this life because no matter what happens in this life, tomorrow is promised in Heaven. Jesus Christ is the only way, and when we trust in Him, we know his promise will never be broken. It doesn’t matter if you fight fear of a hurricane, fear of a job, or fear of an illness, this life will pass one day for all, and tomorrow the glory of Heaven awaits you. I struggle with fears of loneliness but I know that is my trial by combat. Feelings of isolation, of being trapped on an inescapable island away from life is what I often face. I know what my trials by combat are, do you?

 

 

 

Called Home

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Called Home

This blog post will be dedicated to a friend who passed, an honored Hero and a distinguished peacemaker, Mr. James Winter.

It’s never easy saying goodbye to a friend. It’s especially hard saying goodbye to a brother. Today I had the honor and privilege to pay final respects to a fallen hero. A man of courage and conviction for the Lord Mr. Jim Winter passed peacefully. He was an honored veteran and he was a fierce soldier for Christ. He had a firecracker personality and could leave a room and not one single person not laughing. Except of course maybe the one person he called out without a second hesitation of filtering his desire for common sense and direct communication. Jim was a warm soul and loved his Christian brothers and sisters. He loved to work, and not only work for the Lord, but he loved to use his hands and his mind. Mr. Winter served in not one, not two, but three branches of the military, Army, Navy, Air Force. He was a unique man, and all I can say is he will be missed, but just for a while. I know one day, we will meet again in paradise.

I have put a lot of thought in my own mortality these past couple years. I suppose it’s because once you have a near death experience, or two, or three, or as many as I’ve had now, you loose track. This last one though back in 2016 really hit the house though. The struggle for me is I know what I have, and I don’t want to loose it, but I don’t always know how to get that across. I feel in this world we have such a finite amount of time, and yet we squander it. We let it slip through our fingers because we become so focused on particular things, and I think sometimes that’s not where we should put our attention. This world will keep moving on with or without you. What’s really important is not the work hours we put in. It’s not what is parked in the driveway, or the trophies we mount on our walls. The important thing is the people we have in our lives. We can go through our entire life in the pursuit of stuff, but when we are in our final resting place who will be there to mourn our passing, or in my case celebrate me going home? I have put a lot of thought into my life, and those who choose to be in it. I have watched as people come and go, and people who find it difficult to stay. I have watched as friends have passed, and friends have vanished. I have watched as people mourn the loss of their loved ones and my friend, and I have wondered if people would ever mourn me like that. These days, I have started to question if I will die alone, or one day have a family to surround me when I take my last breath.

While it seems that will be far off into the future, I can say with absolute certainty that no matter when or where my time comes, today, or years from now I’m ready to meet my Lord and Savior. John 3:16“For God so loved the world,[a] that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” Jesus Christ was born, grew, and died for our sins. We are given words of encouragement from Jesus, and from then on, we can walk in the peace of mind knowing that this is but a temporary test, and the true life awaits. John 14:1-7“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God;[a] believe also in me. 2 In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?[b] 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. 4 And you know the way to where I am going.”[c] 5 Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” 6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7 If you had known me, you would have known my Father also.[d] From now on you do know him and have seen him.” I know that my life is but a test, and I trust in the father to lead me wherever he see’s fit. I trust in the Father because of all things He is my Abba. I do not always find comfort right away, but in all things, tomorrow is a new day.

As I say goodbye to a man I didn’t really know all that well, he was still a brother in arms, but more importantly a brother in the Lord. I leave with this a quote I think of often at funerals. “It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.” (Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities) We do not deserve Heaven, but by grace and love we are granted eternal paradise. We walk through the valley of the shadow of death, but because of Jesus we are not chained to die. The tears pass away and we shall feel no more pain, no more sorrow.

We cannot foresee our future, nor do we know what will happen even tomorrow. As I have found recently, the future is unpredictable and thus we must know where our salvation is at all times. Live today like it’s your last. Love those around you fiercely and hold onto them tight. Life is so short, and so precious, and yet we act like we are invincible. Life is fragile, and for me, I have seen death, I have looked at it face to face, and I was granted a stay of execution. (Not literally) God knows our time, and we must make the best with the time we have. Step away from your computer and hug your kids. Put down the phone and kiss your significant other. Walk away from work for a little while and love your friends. People is what makes this life worth while, so make sure we are being good stewards of our time, and love your neighbors. When you’re on your deathbed do not put yourself in the position to regret not spending enough time with loved ones. Do yourself a favor, and take away the possibility of that regret, and love them, and cherish them now.