Tag: the light

Strange Directions

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Strange Directions

I have had a little time to ponder where I am in my life, and I’ve come up with some interesting conclusions. First I told God early in my life I did not want to be in ministry such as a priest. Later I expanded that to include pastors. I fought tooth and nail against that notion. Then one day I was asked to teach a Sunday school class every now and then. Of course I said yes, and did so for a while. I eventually stepped away from teaching to focus on school more, even though I believe that was just an excuse. While I enjoyed teaching, I didn’t leave myself enough time to put lessons together, and I was trying to run from my enjoyment of teaching. I was running from my enjoyment of diving into scripture and learning the mystery of the Bible. I guess the question to ask was what was I afraid of? Well, that’s simple, afraid of getting sucked down a path I didn’t want to be on. God though, as I said thinks things are funny. I didn’t realize when I walked away from teaching I would miss it as much as I did. But God gets what He wants.

Some time would pass before I get back into teaching or preaching anything and I could see a difference in my life. Proverbs 21:2“Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, But the Lord weighs the hearts.” I knew in my heart I needed to get back into scripture and get back to more of a routine with the Lord, I just had no idea how far that would go. 

I have seen how quickly the plan goes off the rails and how quickly the sharp claws of the Devil can grip a hold of someone and not let go. I was given a second change, or maybe it was a third, or fourth, but regardless, I was given another chance, and God has made sure to set my path.

I never would have imagined my life where it is, not ever. I never would have dreamt I would be involved with so many church or Bible study events. I never would have imagined that so many of my daily events would revolve around scripture. I look to my tomorrow and I no longer tell God my plans, instead I wait for God to reveal them to me. I can honestly say that when I stopped trying to walk my own way I have been happier, and more satisfied with life. While I don’t presume to say everyone’s path is that of ministry, I believe there is a path for everyone because scripture says so. God creates every one of us for a purpose and we may not always see it, or even like it at first, but giving it some time and you will find your peace. I never would have thought I’d be working with the Emergency Chaplains, or working towards being ordained, or ministering to people every day, but here I am. God’s got a great sense of humor, and for every big thing I said no, God said ‘Oh yeah? Watch this.’

If you don’t know your path this Christmas, first and foremost learn about that little baby boy born in a stable and placed in a manger. Learn about that baby boy named Jesus that came to save us from the hopeless tomorrow we once had. The darkness we were once wrapped in was broken after 400 years of silence and a baby’s cry pierced the universe and the greatest concert to ever be performed was played by the very Angels on high. It’s a sweet, sweet sound that of a newborn baby. This baby was no ordinary child however, for he was born a King. He wasn’t born a prince like everyone else, no, he was born into his Kingship. We all have a chance to worship that little boy, the king of kings, if we only give our hearts to Jesus we will watch our lives change. We will be born again as a new creation, and we will walk a new path. We will be different and we will have others look at us and know that we who’ve been washed by the Holy Spirit are different. It’s time to ask yourself what direction you’re going, and see if you’re walking with Christ or not. It’s Christmas, and no time like the present to give a present to the glorious king of the universe. Love concurs all, and we only have to love to love to use the greatest gift we’ve ever been given, salvation. Follow the light, you will know your path. The light is Jesus today, and always.

Bringer Of Light

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Bringer Of Light

There is only one cause of hope and that’s the son Jesus Christ. The world we live is fallen, full of sin and sinew. Who brings these troubles upon the world? Mankind brought the pain upon ourselves and we continue to reap the sins of the forefathers. The hope we have is that in Jesus who washes our sins, makes us new, gives us a tomorrow free of pain and suffering. The season we find ourselves, the season of good will, a season of giving, not to receive but to give as a small token of what Christ gave us. The wise men gave frankincense, myrrh, and gold. As gifts were given, so do we give. A birthday party to celebrate our savior that gives us more than trinkets, but life itself. The life we are given is not on this early plane, but that in Heaven with the father. 

What is it about people that we want to blame everyone except for the one truly responsible? We like to focus on particular aspects and usually we are wrong. I’ve heard so often that God is responsible for peoples suffering. I’ve heard it’s other peoples fault and never their own. Here’s what it seems like to me, first people need to take responsibility for their own actions. If you walk down a path doing questionable things don’t be surprised when it catches up to you. Second, don’t hang out with people who do questionable things, their sins will become your own. Lastly, the Devil often influences people around you, and sometimes you, and thus causes problems. Don’t blame God for these things. No matter the horrible things that happen it’s still an opportunity to live in the light, and resist the darkness. God only brings suffering when it’s needed for correction, we are after all, his children. It’s not easy thinking of God as our Father, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. God loves his children, and wants the best for us. We are stubborn, and selfish, and often rebellious. Thankfully Jesus Christ is full of love and patience. We are given so many blessings and even when the going gets tough, we have abundance. Romans 8:28“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” 

This Holiday season look at the beautiful Christmas lights, the decorations, the sparkles, and remember what it all represents, a child born to live with us, and to be the eternal light. The rest is nice, but Jesus is the way. 

The Devil Attacks In The Night

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The Devil Attacks In The Night

I lay awake, the pain shoots through my body, waking me in a fit of coughing. I breathe heavily, and gasp for air. The memory of thoughts I had come rushing back. The voice in my head spreading lies and hoping I break. The lies tell me I’m worthless and I’m not someone anyone could love. The lies tell me I’m always going to be alone. The Devil tries to convince me God has forsaken me and that he no longer loves me. The Devil tells me God is withholding this blessing I pray for every day. I’m weakened by many hardships in recent weeks and some of the lies deep through the cracks in the armor.

 

Alone at night and with nowhere to turn I cry. I feel the anger bubbling inside as the voice of Yoda rings in my mind. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. That is the voice of truth. I have become angry, and as I struggle with the lies and the truth, and the logic somewhere mixed in, I’m left with a mixed bag of complex emotions. What would Jesus say to me if he were here with me? I believe he would tell me to have faith. I believe he would tell me to hold onto his robe and trust that even though I can’t see it there’s a plan. He would tell me that though this trial is a horrible one to trust in Him and believe that I’m not alone. I believe Christ would tell me to resist the lies from The deceiver and cast Satan away. I believe Christ would tell me how special I am, how important I am, and how loved I am. I believe Christ is with me in this dark room, adding light to my despair.

 

The darkness can come at any time, and when you’re down, and depressed the evil will creep in and capitalize on that fear and doubt. My fear is a dent that would cause any para-demon to salivate over. I would lure them in and be forced to face Stepenwolf himself. I know that fear leads to anger, because I want to scream, and yell, and cry. I take a moment and hold my anger in and pray instead. Jesus be with me to calm my spirit, heal my heart, and quiet my mind. I know deep in the storm I will be rescued because God doesn’t make mistakes. I was saved from death for a reason, and though the Devil would like me to forget, the scar on my shoulder reminds me that Jesus is with me always.

 

If you feel like I do don’t worry for Jesus loves you too. Never fear of being alone for simply believing in Christ and he’ll be right by your side. Don’t give up hope because so long as you breathe there will always be hope. Jesus is Pure light and darkness cannot survive in the light. I’ve been so angry I want to scream and hit stuff. I’ve been so down I want to cry and never get out of bed. The doubt I have about myself is strong, and the horrible thoughts of the past run through my mind. All are lies from the Devil.1 Peter 5:8 “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:” We must remain strong and resist the lies that are whispered. The Devil wants you to believe you’re all alone in your struggles. The Devil wants you to believe that if you put yourself before all things, all things will fall into place. The Devil wants you to believe that it’s in the one thing we want that will make us happy. The Devil wants you to believe that what you can see, touch, taste, feel, is all we will ever need. Lastly, the Devil wants you to believe you’ll never be good enough. These are the lies of the Devil, and they hit us all in a very real, very tangible war. The struggles to fight this kind of war can be difficult, especially when loneliness and isolation begin. How do we fight such attacks, and what do we do when the attack comes?

 

The Devil has seen to it that in the last two years I’ve been isolated and has blocked every chance I’ve had at meeting new people, making new friends, and perhaps even finding love again. The Devil has been planting lies in my head and after two years of fighting, I have seen the cracks appear in the armor. I have wavered in my defense against the darkness, and slowly it creeps in covering my eyes. The thought has crept in that maybe, just maybe it would have been better had I not survived my horrific accident nearly two years ago. The lies have become shrouded in half-truths. The lies have been based on fact, twisting the cause, making me question who I am, my purpose in life, and my self worth. The doubts about myself have been strong, and it feels like the push against my shield is forcing me back towards the ledge, my spiked sandals buried into the ground trying with everything to hold my ground. How long can I hold out against such an attack, I ask myself. How long can I fight the Devils onslaught? That’s when it occurs to me, the truth, the truth enlightened my eyes, the truth from God.

 

I am under attack because I am moving in the right direction. I am under attack because I am sharing the Gospel every day. I am under attack because I am in training. I am Luke Skywalker on the Death Star facing against the darkness, listening to the Devil lie to me, fueling my anger, fueling my hatred, that’s the dark side of the force I feel, and I will not be tempted by it. I will not succumb to it. I will resist with the strength of the light and I will not give the Devil the satisfaction of winning this war. I am a threat to the Devil and I know it. I have the ability given to me by God to deliver scripture to others. I have been blessed by God for a purpose, for a mission that I have now chosen to accept. I couldn’t figure out why this depression had set in, why I had felt so lost, and alone, why so many rejections have been all around me. I realize now, it’s the attack I thought I had prepared for. I knew when I started the Devil would come for me, and it happened so slowly I hadn’t realized I was under attack. The Devil is cunning, and slippery, and determined, but ultimately, the Devil is desperate. The Devil is sad, and broken, and knows He’ll never win the fight. The Devil wants others to join in his misery, his tormented heart. Misery loves company, and he tries to bring others down with him. I felt the draw to the darkness, and for weeks I’ve fought the hopelessness, the hurt, the fear. I truly believed it would have been better off if things had gone differently two years ago. (Not saying I’d do anything now, now worries)The Devil uses anything he can to sway his argument, and he uses our pain, and our fears against us. The fight must continue on, we must remain strong, we must not give in to the darkness. Stand firm, and use the shield and the Armor of God Ephesians 6:10-18 to get you though some of the worst spiritual warfare you’ll ever experience. There is always hope, just follow the light, the light of Jesus Christ.

 

 

Left Behind

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Left Behind:

I look to the heavens and I pray to you. I fall to my knees in desperation hoping for something to change. I have looked around and I have felt like I have been left behind while everyone else moves forward. I have been waiting and today I just don’t feel like I can keep moving forward. When I look in the mirror today I struggle to see what you do. My God please show me the way, please help me see what you do. Today I look in the mirror and I see a shattered reflection.

Feeling like everyone else has moved forward in their lives while I am left behind. Feeling like I’m invisible and that my feelings don’t matter. Of course these feelings are spiritual warfare at it’s best. Many before me have faced challenging times, and many before me have lost more then I could imagine, and yet here I am feeling sorry for myself. Alas I long for the feeling of being useful and feeling wanted, yet I struggle in my own understanding of my trials. 2 Corinthians 12:10 “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” The days come when we stumble as I have, and when my faith isn’t as strong as I wish it to be, but where there is weakness, there is hope. I have seen the darkness creep in and I have chosen not to flee. Even as I feel my hope dwindle beneath the pressure of lies, my soul is warmed by the voice of light from above. Isaiah 41:10“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

My God, my God I trust in you, but I feel sorrow and pain. So many have left, and so few remain. My God I feel alone and lost in desperation. I don’t know where to go, and I don’t know where to turn. I’ve tried to many ways, and failed so many times. My Lord I feel blind traveling the maze. Please light my path and guide my feet. Show me a sign and answer my prayer. I’ve waited so long, how long must I be made to wait. What must I learn, or do to prepare? My God you are Holy and I am not, and I ask you now, please deliver me from my suffering. I have been left behind and alone I sit. I’m not weak though today I don’t feel strong. Please show me who I am, and tell me my quality. I trust you my God and you’ve never forsaken me. Through my deepest valleys you’ve protected me along the way. Now I fight a new kind of war, and it’s one for my darkest emotions.

Psalm 43:5“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” I resist the pain and the lies from below. I stand on my armor and hold fast in the attack. I shall pray upon you my God and renew my strength. Isaiah 40:31“but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” The world may leave me behind, but I trust you my God, you will always be with me.

 

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Build Your House On God

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Build Your House On God

Where is your home? Where do you live? We all have some sort of feelings of home. For most home is a positive feeling. It’s a safe haven away from the world where you are free to express yourself. You’re free to be yourself, and to unwind. For Christians we believe that this world we live in is only temporary and home is Heaven. We all want a sense of stability in our life, but what does that look like? Stability is the state of being stable, of things changing slowly if at all. “The great American dream is owning your own, but a Christians dream is to go home.” (Jacob Keiffer)

“It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.” (Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities) We live this life but we only get one shot at it. We can never erase the mistakes of yesterday, but if we get the chance to make up for yesterday’s mistake, we should. Though we don’t deserve heaven we are promised it. In Luke 24:50-51 “50 And he led them out as far as Bethany, and lifting up his hands he blessed them. 51 While he blessed them, he parted from them and was carried up into heaven.” Jesus left his disciples to continue the works he himself had started, the mission that would carry on for generations to come. The great commission would be the corner stone to our faith. Go forth and baptize all the nations of the world so they would come to know the name and savior Jesus Christ.

Many people want to rush into home ownership, but the problem with rushing into is when Murphey moves into the spare bedroom bad things happen. Most people try to get a house when they have debt, and they don’t have an emergency fund to pay for the inevitable issues that will come up. We use our emotions to get us into these situations, because we feel we need something. We need to learn not to make such emotional decisions about God. How often do people curse God when bad things happen? We need to praise God in both good and bad times. In all things we need to have faith and praise our situation. Ecclesiastes 7:14 “In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him.” In our life we will face adversity, we must plan for them. We must plan on what we want for our life. We must plan for our earthly home, but also plan for our Heavenly home. When the time comes, where will you call home?

Jesus paid the debt for us so we could move into our eternal home debt free. If we are to be Christians we should mirror our early life like our Heavenly life. We have a choice how we live and we have been given a gift. How we use it is entirely our choice. John 14:2 “In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.” We must be good stewards of what we have, and if we are going to have those gifts, we must plan for our eternal home. Where do you want your home to be? Do you want your eternal home to be in Heaven, or Hell? We have been given the choice. If we had the choice to live in a rich mansion or a old run down trailer what would we choose? Joshua 24:15 “:but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

 

 

 

It’s All About The Favor

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It’s All About The Favor

David, the King, the slayer of giants, the one who united Israel, and the man who was called, “A man after God’s own heart.” Wasn’t always on the right side of the road with God. We’re going to look at the road away from God and how to get back on track. David allows his Army to leave and fight the Ammonites. David would send Joab to lead the army while David stayed home, and so the path with God began to depart. In this departure from God we see Lust, Rape, Conspiracy, Murder, cover-ups, and ending with a daring public shaming of the King. This will cover 2 Samuel 11 – 2 Samuel 12. These chapters cover best guess around 3 years.

David’s Army is away and one night David is on the balcony of his palace. He looks over and sees Bathsheba bathing. This would have been a monthly ritual of cleansing for a women, but instead of seeing and moving away, David became infatuated with lustful thoughts. Despite having multiple wives, and several mistresses he would lure Bathsheba into his bed chambers. She was a married woman to Uriah, a loyal member of Davids counsel. Let me start by saying she was in no way to blame for this. When the King calls you can’t exactly say no. David took her into his bed, and impregnated her. In the months to come she would find herself pregnant and in those days the women was put to death for adultery. David would go from adulterer to hiding his shame and plotting to kill the husband of the women he took. Uriah a close friend and ally to the throne, was now an obstacle to overcome. Uriah would know that his wife wasn’t faithful. She would die, and the world would know of David’s adultery.

David would try to get Uriah drunk and send him home to be with his wife to cover David’s Sin. Uriah even drunk would have more honor then David. When David’s plans to make the pregnancy look like Uriah’s, he decided to move to a more sinister plot. David would send Uriah to a part of the battle he would certainly die. The plan to commit murder worked as planned. All the while the conspiracy grew and got out of hand. One sin led to another, and deeper down the rabbit hole it got. That’s what sin is; it’s a domino effect. When people say ‘I’m not hurting anyone.’ Or ‘It’s my life and I’ll do what I want.’ These kinds of things always hurt people around you. Sin really does affect everyone around us.

When we get into a habit of sinning freely there’s no limit to what you can justify. The rabbit hole can be addictive and once you’re in the hole you may not know how to get out. The pain you will cause, the hurt, the lies, the total destruction sin can bring, doesn’t mean there is no hope for you. Gods love is bigger then that. Gods love is limitless, and forgiveness is but a request away. When you feel you’ve gone to far to ever be forgiven you’re wrong.

One Step Away, By: Casting Crowns

 What if you could go back and relive one day of your life all over again
And unmake the mistake that left you a million miles away
From the you, you once knew
Now yesterday’s shame keeps saying that you’ll never get back on track
But what if I told you

You’re one step away from surrender
One step away from coming home, coming home
One step from arms wide open
His love has never let you go
You’re not alone
You’re one step away

It doesn’t matter how far you’ve gone
Mercy says you don’t have to keep running down the road you’re on
Love’s never met a lost cause
Your shame, lay it down
Leave your ghosts in the past ‘cause you know that you can’t go back
But you can turn around
You’ve never been more than…..

 Lay down, lay down your old chains
Come now, and take up your new name
Your best life up ahead now
You’re one step away

So come on home, come on home
One step from arms wide open
His love has never let you go
You’re not alone (you’re not alone)
You’re one step away

 

When you’ve gone so far and you don’t think you can turn around, think again. When you feel like you just can’t carry the world on your shoulders any longer, let me help. When you don’t think you can take one more step let me guide you. Let me wipe away your tears, and show you comfort and the real meaning of joy and love and faith. Jesus says this to you every day. Jesus promised to never leave or forsake you. Jesus is the beacon of hope we need in our lives every day. No matter how far we’ve traveled it doesn’t matter. The lighthouse is always on in the storm guiding you home. The storm will pound you, push you, and make you feel like you’re drowning.

You are more then the sum of your sins. You have a chance to make your life more, and be better. When we let God into our hearts, we truly see the light that we’ve run from for so long. The storm can be so loud in our ears we can’t hear the whispers of love that’s always there. Your heart may be heavy, and hurt, but in the darkest of nights, the light remains, providing guidance and hope.

No matter how far down the rabbit hole you’ve gone, God will lift you out. King David fell down that rabbit hole and did some very awful things. David would regain God’s favor, but favor doesn’t mean there won’t be retribution for acts done. “The bill comes due… Always..” (Dr. Strange) When we sin we are forgiven for them when we seek it in our hearts. When we sin we should always try to repent, which is trying to do the right thing for the person we sinned against. We must respect the natural order of things, and understand that just because we are forgiven doesn’t mean there isn’t a cause and effect. When we sin and we seek forgiveness the slate may be wiped clean, but there is still damage done and it takes time to repair that damage. Righting our wrongs takes time, and we must understand that we have to try and fix what we’ve done. We must apologize to those we’ve hurt. We must try and make amends, and do whatever we can to clean the ship.

I see sinning like this, we are on a ship and when we are actively sinning that’s like water freely coming on board. While we are in active sin we don’t realize that the ships sinking. When you finally come to realize you’re sinking that’s coming to Jesus and asking for forgiveness. In that you are given the tools to fix you. You’re given the hope. The bucket is handed to you, and you’re told, okay, sins are forgiven, now get to work. You allowed your ship to be consumed in water, now you have to work to get the water out of your boat. You have to work to make the situation you’ve gotten yourself into right. This isn’t to get you into Heaven; it’s to make amends to those around you. It’s to repair the damage in your relationships of your bothers and sisters around you. So if you’re in a sinking ship, and you realize now you’re sinking you need to seek Jesus. If you want that bucket to help get you out of troubles, you know where to look. For there is a season for everything, and in those seasons we will always reap what we sew. When you are on the right path, and you’re working to get the water out of your own boat, if we lay down our burdens and truly in our heart realize the error of our ways, brothers and sisters may help getting the water out of your boat. This isn’t a freebie, it’s work and laying down the groundwork, think of it like an investment into your eternal soul.

Jesus is the one true light, the light of the world, and on through Jesus is a way to heaven. Nothing is holding you back except for you. Nothing is in your way, and it’s never too late to turn around from the path you’re on. You can walk the better path, the brighter path, just need to do one thing first. Give up yourself, and surrender to the King of all Kings. Our God is healer and the living waters of salvation. Our God is the truth and the way.

 

 

 

Be The Light

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Be The Light

Matthew 5:14-16 14 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that[a] they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” On that night so many years ago a baby was born and broke the silence of hundreds of years. God sent a baby boy to bridge the gap between God and Sin. A perfect lamb, an innocent sacrifice with blood shed to may the price for all mankind. In return we are to live according to the commandments laid forth and in turn be the light lit to live in Christ’s image. We will never be Christ, but in our everyday life, in our actions, in our love for one another we should stand out in the crowd as something different, something special.

In this Christmas season shine brightly in the darkness of winter. Be so different from others that people will know you are walking with Christ. John 8:12 “Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” In this time of Christmas we have time to rejoice and celebrate the birth of the only reason we have to rejoice. Rejoice by being happy and offer adulation for the prince of peace because He deserves more then we can ever offer.

Hark The Herald Angel Sing

Hark the herald angels sing
“Glory to the newborn King!
Peace on earth and mercy mild
God and sinners reconciled”
Joyful, all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies
With the angelic host proclaim:
“Christ is born in Bethlehem”
Hark! The herald angels sing
“Glory to the newborn King!”

 There are so many beautiful songs that we sing during this time of year, but most are just seen in passing. When we look deeper, feel more closely to the words we would find so much truth and joy in it. On the day the child of the King was born the Angels broke heaven and sang praises and joy. Luke 2:13-14 “13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, 14 “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!” We to must rejoice for the greatest birthday of all eternity.

No matter the dark, dismal, whole you may find yourself, the light will always shine brightly. The Devil will try and try to darken your days. The Devil will pull people away from you. The Devil will hurt you, curse you, and destroy everything you have, all in the attempt to pull you away from Jesus. When we are in our darkest hour we shall fear no evil for the Lord on high is always with us. We must have and keep the faith that in all things, good and bad, big and small, God is in control and his plans for us are beautiful, not ugly. So Merry Christmas and above all Happy Birthday to the savior of our lives.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Journey In The Darkness

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A Journey in the darkness

Psalm 91:4 “He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.”

The joys of this life can be easily snuffed out in the mists of dark days, of struggles, and of heartbreak. When the days get you down you have to be strong. It’s so easy to fall into darkness and despair. I’ve seen it happen in my own life, and in the lives of many that I know. Despair is a dangerous and sometimes deadly trap. Despair can easily turn into quicksand and drag you down, and must like the Dementors in the famed Harry Potter books, it can suck the happiness right out of your lungs and make you feel like you’ll never be happy again. One thing in my own life I’ve found is how fickle some friends can be. Since my gun shot wound a year ago I’ve found more and more friends are fickle and come around only when they want something, or they are bored and know you’ll be there as a last resort.

While there’s no doubt that this hurts, and I know I can’t be the only person that goes through this, what hurts the most is the exodus that’s occurred. While I realize that bullet changed my life, and while I am responsible, the feeling of loss from the mass abandonment that was left behind is heart breaking. Now over a year later, I’ve had another exodus from obvious different causes, but never the less the pain is the same. This presents a new kind of struggle, and yet again staring at the brink of darkness, and once more unto the breach. The war continues and as there is a great sense of loss, I am left with one undeniable fact, that I am not alone. Though the case may be that while physically and emotionally I am or feel alone, God is always there with me. While this doesn’t take away the desire and drive to meet someone special, or want to make new local friends, it does prevent me from falling into complete and total despair.

I know at the end of the day when I’m feeling down and I’m feeling blue, I know that my future is much brighter then it appears because I know that my Abba is looking out over me. I swore no matter how bad it got I would never stair down the wrong side of that circumstance again, and that I would be an advocate for finding another way. There is always hope as long as we breath, and while I am lonely, while my Christmas wish is to find love, and to not being alone anymore, and to make some good local friends, I know that God is with me and in time, those things will be mine, because it’s what my deepest desire is from my heart. I may not always makes the right choices, but I try to.

If you’re feeling despair this season reach out, find someone. If you’re happy as can be this holiday season, reach out to your friends or family that are having a hard time. Don’t forget this is both the happiest time of year, and often the saddest. Faith is so important, and even when it’s sometimes hard, don’t loose hope, and never give up. Don’t ever forget that you can be protected under Angels wings, and your God, the King of all is powerful enough to handle any situation, every tear, every cut, you aren’t suffering through it alone. God is not just watching, God experiences it all with us. Rest assure you will make it out, and one day you will make it home, a home of pure perfection.

 

 

 

Seasons Change

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Seasons Change

The storms will come and the destruction it brings.

The dark clouds come and the light fades out.

A season of change and alas do the clouds split?

Head down and strong shoulder through

Tonight is the night to watch the storm break.

We cannot hold on forever

We cannot live in the past.

The storm rocked the world and still standing.

Tonight fix the sight, change the focus.

Tonight I’m gonna live my life and say goodbye.

The storm must break and the new light breaths new life.

Tomorrow the sun shall rise and the past is past.

Running away from the past, towards the future.

It’s funny ain’t it, how a small thing can bring such change.

God’s funny that way, how when the sky looks so dark, the light is just moments away.

You can tell how amazing it is, how it takes your breath away.

How the light glistens in the wind.

The storm clouds leave and the air fresh and new.

The matters of the heart are wonderful and wondrous.

The sweetest truths are found when least expected.

How can I put down in words how wonderful life is.

God gave me Christ, and Christ gave me life.

How wonderful life is while you’re in the world.

Tell me it’s not too good to be true, the storm rolls away.

I wanna know it’s true, I feel the change, could I see it too?

I’ve been wrong before, but the day goes on.

I want the truth, I can handle the truth.

God I trust in you, I need to, I need to know it’s all right.

I trust in you when you say forgiveness is mine.

My God my God, I need you to help me, don’t take this from me.

If I’m wrong it’s to good to be true, but can it, and is it, I don’t know.

We never know the end, so we live for today. The end is neigh and live for now.

Love all, serve all.

 

 

 

 

The Rugged Path

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The rugged path

A path we walk so deep into the wilderness. The stones piled high to block the traveler. Trucks and sticks, thistles and thorns, are but some of the dangers set upon the traveler. The nighttime brings the howls and the moon. What little chance does the traveler have against the predators of the dark to navigate the path with so many hazards? The traveler’s alone no partner or friend, no one to navigate, no one to bare the truths. The path at night is scary and brings a fright. The traveler walks and fear both good and evil takes hold. Fear can paralyze us, stop us from moving, fear when unchecked unmatched can bury us in our tracks. The path’s dangers are many, and we stub our toe, we scrape our knees, we take thorns to the face, but we keep driving on. Fear of death can push us to continue, and fear can keep us fighting if we only see right now. Of all the things we fear on the path, the internal battle is often more scary and more dangerous. What if we fail and we can’t figure out how to get back up? What if we are doomed to walk this earth alone because someone left us? What if loss is our fate and we will never be happy again? Fear can be manifest on our path, fear of all these things can present themselves as stumbling blocks, thorns, wolves, and darkness. The fear we have are lies from the deceiver himself. Some way, some how, we must learn to light up our path, and allow the light to reveal the secrets of the dark.

2 Corinthians 4:6 “It started when God said, “Light up the darkness!” and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful.” We must have faith in the Lord. We know that God lit up the darkness, and we know that we lived in darkness till we were saved by it. John 1:5 “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” Jesus Christ gave us the hope we didn’t have since the fall from Eden. We know that Abba (father) is kind and just. We know that Christ made the winds stop and the storm to pass. Isaiah 26:7-11 “Lord, you make the path smooth for good people; the road they travel is level. 8 We follow your will and put our hope in you; you are all that we desire. 9At night I long for you with all my heart; when you judge the earth and its people, they will all learn what justice is. 10 Even though you are kind to the wicked, they never learn to do what is right. Even here in a land of righteous people they still do wrong; they refuse to recognize your greatness. 11 Your enemies do not know that you will punish them. Lord, put them to shame and let them suffer; let them suffer the punishment you have prepared. Show them how much you love your people. “ We know that our fate was sealed but the innocent blood of Christ saved us. We know that now our fate is within our own power of free will. We know the power of God to shape our path is stronger then we could ever possibly hope to imagine. Isaiah 40:4 “Every valley shall be lifted up, and every mountain and hill be made low; the uneven ground shall become level, and the rough places a plain.” Light up the path, remove the stones, the thistles, the thorns, the trunks that would reach up and grab you and hold you down will withers and flatten out.

Having faith and letting go of the pain, the suffering within our heart, is hard, but we can overcome the darkness inside us if we work on it daily, practice it and telling ourself every day that we can put one foot in front of the other. Sometimes one foot in front of the other is all we can do. Every single day we must ask God to take that pain, take the traps on the path we walk and remove them from our hike through the world. Our faith is something we must continue to work on, every day we will find ourselves under attacked from the Devil’s lies, the Devil’s tricks, the Devil’s temptations, and we must allow ourselves to fight the fight with the help of God. We cannot fight the Devil alone and we will loose if we choose to get into the ring with Him and try to go one on one. We must always keep in mind we are nothing without God, we achieve nothing without the grace of God and we cannot make our way through the rugged terrain without the blessings God bestows upon us. This path we walk there will be bloodshed, there will be tears and no matter how the path gets us down, allow God to pick you back up always, and you will see that even in the hardships you will feel the grace of God.