Tag: The Fog

The Fog Lifts

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The Fog Lifts

The darkness is thick and heavy. The weight presses down upon you like a boulder. What is this darkness you ask, why can’t I see? The fog that sits, and is so heavy is sin. We cannot hope to remove the sin on our own. We cannot lift the boulder that’s placed on our shoulders like Atlas. The sin in our lives will multiply and divide until we are so buried under it we have no chance to move. Thankfully there’s a cure for this great cancer and the cure is Jesus Christ.

There are other kinds of fog that will set on our lives, but usually it all comes back to a situation that was caused by sin, and leaves behind darkness. For me, even though I didn’t cause my spouses affair I was left in the darkness of trauma, fear, self-loathing, and I couldn’t see my way out. During my trauma something happened and a light shined through the darkness and acted as a lighthouse shining a way for me to travel. One might ask, if God was so great why didn’t He just tell me all the answers, or show me all I needed to know? While those are legitimate questions, the truth is very simple, God wants us to grow on our own, and when we grow in Christ the right way, we learn, we experiences, and God wants us to do this on our own with His guidance. So I was left with a light shining the way, and over the last two years I have found a path that shines brightly. There was one area of my life that was still shrouded in darkness, and that was my love life.

As my love life continued to fail, I often prayed to God asking for answers, or at least a path. As I mentioned in yesterdays post, I wasn’t specific with my prayers, and if you were God of the universe you’d probably have a sense of humor also. God thinks answering prayers in a way we don’t expect is funny. When we aren’t specific and He has a plan, often times we look at them and don’t always take them as blessings, but our tiny feeble little minds cannot possibly understand the big picture as God does.

We must trust in the Lord and not be ridged in our own ways because the moment we think we know more then God, is the moment we will be cast down a dark path. Trust in the Lord for as said in Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” I’d like to take a closer look at this passage and focus on the word hope. As we enter this holiday season we focus a lot on ‘Good Will’, and ‘Cheer’, and ‘Joy’, but were does all this come from? We have joy because we know Christ came and we know that he prepares a room for us in Heaven, but more important then the joy, is the Hope we received knowing that Jesus Christ would overcome death, and without Christ we had no hope, just eternal darkness and fire. Because of that hope we know that our future is bright. No matter what comes our way in this life, no matter how bad things get for us here on Earth, we are not doomed to this life forever. We live in this life to prove ourselves to Christ, to show we carry the love of Christ in our hearts, so we may enter the gates of Heaven.

As my path has changed since God spared my life, I was struggling in one area of my life, and that was companionship. I prayed daily for God to send me someone and while He delivered it wasn’t exactly what I originally had in mind. God’s sense of humor does not escape me, and as I have realized, God often does the exact opposite of what I say I’m going to, or not do. I told God I wasn’t going to go into the ministry, and well….. That didn’t go as I had planned. I told God I would never get into a long distance relationship, and well, again, that went about as well as the first plan of not going into ministry. You’d think I would have learned to stop telling God what I’m not going to do. The path I am on is not easy, and it in fact may turn out to be slightly more complicated then I would have liked, but I often think back to Romans 8:28 (NKJV) “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”  As my new relationship continues to go well and we grow, I see that God’s plan was to have my life connected to the Philippines in some way. This path will both give me the opportunity to go there and to minister while I’m there, but also fulfill the promise to offer me companionship. God saw fit to answer two prayers at once, and I cannot fault Him for his creativity and ingenuity.  God’s funny that way, and whenever I think I have God figured out, and think I know where He has be headed, He throws a curveball and I find I knew very little all along. Though, even though I try not to count the steps now, I see the fog lifting on the last part of my life, and I see light in every corner. God truly does deliver when you are following His path. That’s not to say there won’t be hardships, or hurt, or pain along the way, on the contrary those things are promised. Don’t let the fog set in on your life and drain you of hope. While we may not always see through the fog in every situation, we know that God will guide us through. We have hope knowing that Jesus Christ was born, lived, died on the cross, and on the third day rose again in fulfillment of the scripture. 

It’s Time To Live Again

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It’s Time To Live Again

As I have struggled to find myself in the last year, I feel I’ve somehow gotten lost in the fog of life. I feel as if my days all blur together, and my nights are filled with less and less restful sleep. While there have been some changes lately, I find myself trying to figure out where to go next in my life. As I have questioned my next step, I have asked God to guide my next steps. As I have attempted to figure out my next steps, I have looked around and although things are tough right now, I’m very thankful to have the blessings I do have. I have a roof over my head, I have food in my fridge, I have a car, I’m debt free, and although my social life is in shambles, I have people to talk to from afar. The blessings I have are abundant, and should not be taken for granted.

We see in James 4:14 “yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.” When we become worried for tomorrow, and when it causes the anxiety to raise, we must remain focused on today, the hear and now. Of course we are to dream, and plan, but understand at the route of the day, God’s in control. Matthew 6:34 “34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” While I pray for changes, I understand that nothing will change without some work, and some grace. Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,” Our goals should always be to live our life pleasing to the Lord. Our goals should always be to bring Glory to our walk with Christ.

I find myself in the fog and I hope, no, I long for the day the fog lifts, and I can see clearly again. There are so many things I want for myself, and yet I find myself wondering if I’ll ever get back what I’ve lost. As I have wished for a family, a home of my own, a job that would sustain me, I find myself longing for the life I once had, yet very different at the same time. There are certainly primary characters from the Bible that have made horrible decisions, and have reaped the consequences. While not every bad thing that happens in our life is our own fault, we must learn to turn to God when we don’t know where to go. We must have faith that we cannot control every aspect of our lives. The fog will set, and then when it’s time, it will leave. As long as we can still see the light, there’s always hope for tomorrow. We need to remember where our true strength comes from. Have faith, the fog will lift, and in time, you’ll see clearly. Don’t chase the fog though, learn to live despite the fog. Learn to love despite the pain that can come from loving. Learn to allow God’s grace to be your guiding star and treat others the same.

 

 

 

 

The Fog

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The Fog

Waking up from a fog unsure of where I’ve been for so long. The day rings in with sun and a new understand of how the world works. Learning the truth sometimes is hard and brutal. Tearing down the walls built up for so long, now realizing the cage I’ve been in. So my Lord give me your eyes for just one second. I’ve missed so much, and I’ve been hurting so long I allowed the pain to define me. The road is new and the path is fresh so forgive me when I stumble. Forgive me when I fall, but pick me up when I’m weak and help me along the way. I have faith and I know I can’t stay in that prison any longer. It’s time to move on, move forward, and let go of the past. The future isn’t beyond my reach if you are in my heart. Together today, always together and I know I can make it after all.

It can be hard living with pain every day. Physical pain is hard enough to manage, but when you add emotional on top if it, it can be debilitating. Pain is something that is different for everyone. Everyone by the time they reach adulthood has found ways to manage their pain in their own special way. This isn’t saying it’s in healthy productive ways, but that’s why this is so important. When we live our lives running from our pain, never finding ways to face it and understand it, it can be fester inside of us, and when left unchecked it can cause damage to other areas of our lives.

When pain takes rout inside our heart we may forget how to love in a healthy way. We may look for love in the wrong places, either in the bottom of a bottle ie. Alcohol or pills. We may look for love in the way of meaningless sex, or gambling, or even stuff like extreme sports. The problem is pain affects the way in which we have relationships. Pain affects our ability to make Godly, rational, healthy decisions, and we often end up pushing away those who care for us most. Anything in our lives that reminds us our behavior is bad for us we get rid of because we are comfortable in our pain and we found ways that make us feel good. The problem is that feel good sensation isn’t real, and inside the pain is crushing. We see this a lot in addicts. People who become addicted to something unhealthy often display irrational mood swings. They will do whatever they can to stay in their addiction, even if it’s an addiction to a particular behavior. When we are faced with a question of conviction while running from our faith, we will lash out at those who want to help get us back on track. Eventually as the spiral downward continues, eventually rock bottom comes up quick, and splat onto the concrete.

We can only hope if we are the ones in the fog we allow the Holy Spirit to guide us, to help us heal. We need to pray for guidance, and forgiveness, and love. We should rely on God to show us how to escape the hell we are living in. Allow God to give us the means, the knowhow to be free of the pain we hold. Letting friends help, and getting guidance from a pastor or priest, allowing yourself to get into therapy and begin the healing process. We must learn to peal back the pain layer by layer till we find the route of the problem, and slowly face that pain till it no longer defines who we are. Don’t live in the fog anymore. Let God burn that fog away and reveal the clear skies ahead. When we let God in, the hope we needed all along will be right there waiting for us.