Tag: the father

Again, I Hide

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Again, I Hide

I hide behind my computer again. The waters tested, but back into the boat again. I stepped out upon the waves, and faced my fears of falling beneath the Icey depths. I walked for a while out of that boat, but the crack of the sky, made me feel I might die. I began to sank and back into the boat I went. Safe inside the boat. 

In my mind I tested the waters, I started to fly beyond the keyboard, beyond the chair. So long I stayed in my comfort afraid of rejection, afraid of what might come. For so long, I was worried I’d get it wrong, or I wouldn’t understand. For so, so long, I worried about me, a nobody, telling the world about Jesus. I felt like Gideon, a nobody, a small, weak, nobody from my tribe. But when I found a way, the who I was, and the direction and the how, the storm brewed, and back to the keyboard I crawled. 

I took a chance, and decisions considered, and choices made, I found myself a flame doused by a hose. The light and fire had gone out. As I sit here questioning my future, I find myself recoiling away from the world. I find myself in solitude to pray and have some alone time with the father. I wonder at times if it were all just a test. IF the storm was created to see how I’d respond. I wonder if perhaps I should have stuck to my belief, and held my ground. 

I have put a lot of thought into What Would Jesus Do? What did Jesus feel? In John 6:66, when disciples followed him no more, did Jesus’s heart ache for them? When Jesus confronted the Pharisees over and over, knowing they didn’t like him, knowing they didn’t believe him, did the human side hurt? Was the feelings of the human side ever hurt? Did it hurt Jesus’s feelings when his own brothers refused to follow him? Did it hurt his feelings when his own town refused to follow him, or support him? We often think of Jesus as God but he was also a man. Jesus had feelings and being perfect living in a world of imperfection, would this cause Jesus to suffer emotional pain? We know Jesus must have had a sense of humor because we have one. And in the water to wine chapter, we see Jesus likely picking on his mother a little. (personal opinion) We see him weeping for Lazarus. I’m sure when Joseph died, he wept for his earthy father. 

Growing up I faced all kinds of bullies, and I was told a lot that I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t smart enough, or big enough, or fast enough. Most of my life I was told, and have faced opposition being held down, held back, and never being allowed to fly to see my own potential. Facing my own fears and stepping out there, knowing what was coming, or at the least the potential for it, left me grossly unprepared. Taking a right cross, across the face or more appropriately to the heart, left me trying to find solid ground. 

Jesus is my rock, my fortress. Jesus is my protection against the attacks of the Devil. Satan recoils at the name of Satan, and my heart is a sanctuary for the Lord to reside. I pray to God, and in the name of Jesus I hope for tomorrow. I seek comfort in the arms of my father to dry my tears, dust me off, and ready my hands for battle. I trust the Lord to show me the way, a light house that cuts through the dense fog of emotions and doubt. I know that Jesus lift me up when I fall into the water, and I know he will heal my heart, and give me eyes to see. I know Jesus has made me different, and unique, the potter molding me in the clay to be special, and to do a job made for me. I am a tool ready to be used, willing to be put out there, and guided to whatever ministry planned for me. I will follow my heart, and follow my path. I will not be held back, and I will not ignore what I feel is right. I will fight the good fight, and continue to run my race. I will be patient and as an arrow held on the rest, I shall wait till the time is right, the string is tight, the wind is calm, and I will hold fast till the archer my Lord Jesus Christ is ready to fire me toward my target. I will not stand by, I will not stay hidden, I shall not hide behind this keyboard and when the time is right, I will come again. My fire will reignite, and I will tend to the fire, and grow it, and dry the metaphorical waters that doused my flame. 

In the name of Jesus Christ the only Son of the Father, I shall be held back, or bullied into a corner. Be a peacock and fly. 

The Hardships of Christmas

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The Hardships of Christmas

For many of us Christmas brings joy, and hope, and lov, and happiness, presents, and food, friends and family. As much as we know that Christ is the CHRIST in Christmas, for some Christmas is a painful reminder of what they no longer have. Many people are forced to face the cold truth that their loved ones, their family, their friends are no longer with them, it is because of that, that we visit the hardships of CHRISTMAS?”

I know for myself, Christmas often brings time of hardships of memories of those no longer in my life. I find myself missing them, and longing for their presence. People all over this world suffer through the holidays trying to deal with and manage the depression that often comes around the holidays, also known as the Holiday Blues. And lest not forget those who cannot afford to give their children much of a Christmas. The families that are struggling to make ends-meat. 

While many people will gather with friends and family over the next few weeks, but I would ask that we all take a moment and say prayers for those less fortunate this holiday. Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.” Christmas is a time of wonder and joy. We must all remember that the society in which we live has commercialized this sacred holiday. Society now tells us that it’s about the shopping, the gifts, the decorations, the parties, and food, but in all reality, those things are just extra. 

It’s been 9 years since my grandfather’s death. He was the father in my life. He was my biggest supporter and his absence is noticed. If one loss wasn’t enough I have lost family in the last few years. For seven years I spent Christmas with my inlaws, or rather ex-inlaws now. Their loss still sends a prick through my heart. I became accustomed to their presence and the customs during the Christmas’s I spent with them. I have noticed their absence in the recent weeks, and it’s been difficult at times. So with the challenges of feeling the loss, the sadness, and depression I would recommend falling back to scripture to find some peace and comfort. 

Matthew 5:4 NKJV “Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.” It is our job to be there to comfort the broken hearted. There is no doubt that Christmas can often bring struggles. If we have the ability to, I feel we should all do more to offer love and support to those who may be alone this time of year. Loneliness is a major killer in our country, yet when we have the opportunity we often let down those who need us the most. It takes very little to show an act of kindness to those in need. It takes very little to show love to those who are alone this time of year, and all year. 

Romans 8:18 NKJV “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” The suffering today as Paul says, is nothing compared to what awaits us in glory. There is so much to be thankful for. The grace of our loving God that gave us his Son to show us what it means to love, what it means to be given grace, is beyond anything we could ever expect to find on our own. People are lost and even those who know Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior, can be lost in despair. 

In this life we face despair, we face troubles, and we face hardships. In those days and in the hour of our deepest sorrows, remember what it is Christ said, John 14:27 NKJV “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” Those who are no longer with us are not gone forever, just for a time. The time will come in glory that we will reunite with our loved ones, and all the pain shall pass, all tears shall be wiped away. All things will be made new, and what was once lost, will once again be found. Jesus Christ is the Christ in Christmas. Focus on Jesus, and be thankful for the time we had with those who aren’t with us. Blessing is the day we awake with breath, but fleeting is the life we live, like a wisp of smoke gone in an instant. 1 Corinthians 15:22 NKJV “For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive.” Death is a part of life, and as hard as it is to face the loss and the loneliness around the holidays, we need to remember God’s will is sovereign and God’s love is stronger than our pain. Be kind to those hurting, and remember that not everyone feels joy this time of year. Social media can often hurt those struggling, so reach out and say hello, be kind, and show some love to those around you. 

The Absent Father

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The Absent Father

Growing up I was without a father, or so I thought. I was left growing up without a daddy, a teacher, a discipliner. There was no man to teach me how to be a man. I craved approval, and I craved acceptance. I, for most of my life needed the approval of men in authority. On the flip side from that, I have struggled to make and keep men as friends. In my time I’ve found one of two things have been true. A: my friends have been good Godly Men, which has only been within the last couple years. B: the men have been older than me. 

Today, being Fathers Day, a lesson has been laid upon my heart. Living without a father has created deep wounds for me. This life is not a sprint but a marathon. I have run so long thinking a certain way, and today I have been shown a truth, one I cannot deny. Life is the race Paul says in 2 Timothy 4:77 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” I have struggled along my marathon. Growing up in a world where I was beat up, teased, and tortured. I was given swirley’s, my stuff was stolen from me, and I was laughed at on a regular basis. I didn’t have a father to help me cope. I didn’t have someone to teach me how to punch, how to change a tire, or throw a ball. I ask you today, who is your father? Do you turn to Christ? Do you follow Satan as a father figure? There are two thrones, one over Heaven, one over Earth. Revelation 2:13“I know your works, and where you dwell, where Satan’s throne is. And you hold fast to My name, and did not deny My faith even in the days in which Antipas was My faithful martyr, who was killed among you, where Satan dwells.”

Satan wants to be the ‘step’ father that gives you all the freedoms, free from rules, and carefree life. When we judge a good, good father, we must understand that ‘good’ father will give you rules, not just keep you down, but rather lift you up and protecting you, even from yourself. Jesus wants to protect us, and his rules are just to keep up on a righteous path. 

We worship one of two, the Kingdom of God, or the Kingdom of Satan. Do we find fatherly love in Satan and the world, or in Jesus and the Kingdom of Heaven. God, our Abba Father is not a God, a Father of rules. He is a Father of real love, real mercy, real grace. Satan is incapable of love, but he will give you what you may desire, but never because it’s good for you, but to win your love by bribing you for your affections. 

Are you a father figure shaped in Christ or Satan? Sadly, some people grow up fatherless, and some people loose their fathers. Today is hard on a lot of people who have longed for a father, or miss their father. Today comfort can be found in knowing that there is a father out there that you can count on, Abba Father. Not everyone who has a father has a good father, and not everyone who grows up without a father is doomed to struggle. Growing up I was lucky enough that the right men came into my life at the right time, and were most certainly blessings from God the father. Today, I find my struggles fill my mind today. I can’t help but long for that relationship, and I know that through Christ I have a Father looking out for me daily. I have never been alone. 

To those without a father, please know today you are loved and will always be loved. Jesus Christ is always with you, and you will never travel along alone. God is always looking out for you and you shall choose which father you want to be, will you be a follower of God our father in Heaven, or Satan the ruler over the earth? As for me and my love, we will follow the Lord over Heaven. 

For me growing up I had a man in my life that personified a man, and that was a character on TV and the big screen portrayed by Patrick Steward, his character (No not Charles Xavier) but Captain Jean-Luc Picard. I was taught through TV to have Honor, Dignity, Respect, and Strength for all. I learned how to behave as a man because of a TV character, but God can work through anyone, at any time to shape us. While I was taught different aspects of being a man, I gravitated to respect characters who also grew up without a father. Bruce Wayne, Spider-Man, Flash, Dick Grayson, Oliver Queen, and the list goes on. I have gravitated to the struggle of those who although are fictional have shown that anyone can grow to make a difference. We must focus on what God gives us, and know that we always have the power to succeed, if we believe we have the will to do so. 

In God We Trust

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In God We Trust

 Do we trust in the Lord? Do we have faith that God is not only in control of the big picture, but the little stuff as well? Does God fit inside the little box we’ve created for Him? Joshua 1:9 “9 Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.” It’s easy to say not to be afraid, but are we really free from that servitude? Are we slaves to fear, are we slaves to worry, I believe we are. Matthew 6:24 “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.” Mammon is wealth, or money. The interesting thing about money is the saying on our own money that often goes unnoticed or forgotten.

Do we really give our all to Christ? Are we faithful in our giving, are we faithful in our love, are we faithful in our prayers, our empathy? Psalm 37:4-6 “4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. 5 Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring [it] to pass. 6 And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.”

 During the three years Jesus taught, it’s said a minimum of 4 times ‘Ye of little faith’. There is no doubt that we do not have the strength we should. We allow the world to beat us down, to torture us and we give reaction to it. Sure we feel pain, we feel sorrow, but if we have enough faith to trust what we can’t see, trust what we don’t understand, we may actually find peace in our day.

What is peace? Peace is a state of mind, not just peace or war. Finding peace is obtainable in this world, but we must be in a state of constant vigilance. Peace doesn’t mean that war won’t come it just means that when it does it won’t destroy who you are. Be at peace with yourself, and know that God’s will can turn any heart, heal any ailment, forgive any sin, and save any life. 2 Thessalonians 3:16 “Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace always by all means. The Lord [be] with you all.” The Lord gives us the ultimate peace, the peace of forever, eternal salvation.

The final word I leave on this is John 16:33 “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” Peace is not of this world, it’s of eternity and that is why no matter the trial we face in this world, we can handle with grace and dignity.

I myself have not always handled every situation that way. I’ve been known to over react from time to time. I’ve had times where the world felt like it was falling down upon my head, where I would never be able to breath again, but God as my witness, even when death seemed to be knocking at my door, the post card was sent to death apologizing for the inconvenience, but my reservation had to be postponed once more. The day may come when my body sleeps and wakes no more, but God willing, not any time soon. Sorry death, not today.