The Darkness Inside – The Arrow Preacher

The Dark

The darkening cave surrounds you, the air thick and heavy, the pounding in your ears and the fear takes hold. Close your eyes, and extend your hand. Even in the darkest of days, a connection with faith, and you can be pulled from the deepest abyss. I have often felt as if my solitude were some kind punishment. I felt as if my inability to explore and make friends was something I had done wrong. Nothing seemed to be working and I felt as if I were in a cave all-alone. I have felt as if the darkness was overtaking me, and I never knew how far I’d slip. As the darkness spread it seemed as if most of the areas in my life would be affected. The truth was, and is, when pain is what causes the darkness it’s hard to find the light. The darkness is like an infection. Once it gets inside it’s hard to be rid of it. There are many things that can cause the darkness, insecurities, jealousy, and several forms of fear. There’s a fear in me of being alone. I fear I will be along for a long period of time. One of my biggest issues is basing my self worth on what others perceive in me. I have always allowed others acceptance of me to bring me down when they don’t.

The loneliness I’ve been dealing with seems to be a lingering problem. I know for sure, an undoubted fact that the Devil has been working overtime lately, feeding me lie after lie. I have sunken into a more depressed state, feeling alone, and questioning my own mortality. I’m not talking suicidal thoughts, but the wondering motif of the past, and thinking I missed out on a more deserved fate. These lies come straight from the pits of Hell, and it’s important to at least realize the source if we are to better fight against it. The Devil will try to attack you, finding the cracks to get in. Once the Devil gets in, the small speck turns like a seed to a plant spreading it’s evil fines throughout your life. What line of defense do you have to protect yourself from the trails and tribulations that will befall you? We know that scripture teaches us to turn to God for our strength. We are taught to guard our heart, and protect our mind. We are taught to use the armor of God and not allow ourselves to fall victim to the spiritual warfare that we are actively engaged in. The dark cannot exist when you shine the light on it. The light can only exist if you choose not to sit in the darkness. You have to choose to leave the darkness behind and fight to stay in the light.

Fighting depression, anxiety, hopelessness isn’t ever easy, but it’s something we must endure, and learn to fight back against. The darkness is in all of us. We all have the ability for great evil, but also great love. We will always have a choice in this life to follow the path of light or dark. We will make choices every day, and sometimes we may actually believe that what we are doing is what’s best, but I heard a sermon recently, your heart can be deceived and therefore you shouldn’t trust it. The heart can be fooled into feeling a great many things, and it’s in Christ we find our Godly wisdom. We won’t always make the best of choices, and we won’t always follow the right path, but if we truly trust in the Lord, and believe that we are doing what would be bring glory to God, then we stand a chance to living our life in the light, and not the dark. I’ve seen men and women walk a path, and just at the snap of your fingers something or someone comes along, a viper in the weeds to lure them to the dark side. Lust presents itself as love, and how often do we as a people try to do what’s best for us in the name of love? When we are fooled by the feel good emotions, the drug in which many marriages, and friendships have fallen into ash, then we see the darkness that has covered our very world.

While I find myself fighting the darkness from rising, and I have considered myself a failure by all right, I know where those lies come from. The struggle is real regardless. Your feelings should always be lined up with the situation to know that your feelings are validated. We all have good and bad feelings, and sometimes our life’s struggles cause us to feel badly about ourselves. It’s hard to manage what you feel, and what you know you should feel. I know I shouldn’t feel worthless, and I know I shouldn’t question my own mortality. The fight is real, and the challenges don’t necessarily get any easier as time goes on. We know we need to turn to others in our time of need, but more importantly the Lord. We know we can’t keep ourselves on our own island, keeping us secluded. Isolation is unhealthy and we are easily picked off when we’re alone. We are weakest by ourselves, and we need to find strength in numbers. Don’t keep yourself secluded, go out and find yourself in the light. Stay out of the darkness because the darkness can take hold, and if we aren’t careful, it doesn’t let go easily.

Feeding the Darkness

After a tragedy in your life you may find yourself on a perpetual lope, you’re on repeat playing the same tone over and over again. In that you are holding onto the pain and suffering caused by whatever trauma you’ve endured. What happens when we get stuck? Anger breeds upon itself. Proverbs 29:11 “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.” When we allow ourselves to stay angry we put ourselves inside a fortress and we don’t allow anyone to enter. When we do that we cut off our relationship with anyone who wants to love us to include friends, family, and most importantly God. Ephesians 4:26-27 “26 In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” This being a longer verse let’s talk about it. When we are angry we often find ourselves unable to make sound judgments. We open the door and everything we have is ripe for the taking when the Devil finds us in a state of suggestibility. The evil whispers in our ear to do things we usually wouldn’t do. I believe the general idea of these verses is telling us to turn that anger into something we can use. Redirect that anger and make good of it, allow ourselves to focus and help others. Build others up instead of tearing down in our anger. Find a way to let go of the bitterness, rage and anger that sit in the pit of our stomachs and spawn more negativity.

When we find ourselves getting angry which is a normal emotion, how we handle it is what’s important. Ecclesiastes 7:9 “9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” We must learn to extend our fuse, make it harder to be provoked to do something harsh. The Devil wants us to fly off the handle because when we do we often hurt those closest to us. This damages the positive relationships we have and thus harming the relationships with God our Father.

The phrase “Kill um with kindness.” Isn’t just a clever euphemism it’s actually a Biblically derived statement. Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” When others get angry if we find a way to maintain calm, it’s hard for the other person to keep shouting when instead of the reverberation affect, you act as a dampener. It takes two people in the ring to box. Without the opponent you just look silly shadow boxing yourself. Proverbs 15:8 “18 A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.”

Be the calm in every storm. When we argue with one another and we start to yell, we start to curse, we start to dredge up the past, when we start resorting to name calling and all manner of vial things spew from your mouth, that is feeding the darkness. It’s not just focusing on your own pain, it’s also fueling others pain to grow as well. Often we argue with the ones we love the most and instead of allowing yourself to fall into a cycle of self loathing, self destruction, self gratification, allow yourself to see the error in your own way, and others will see the difference. We cannot change others, but by our own actions we may influence by allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us, to work through us and affect those around us. Anger is contagious, hatred is contagious, but so is love, so is kindness. It’s much harder to love and overcome things that make us upset or the things that hurt us, but we cannot be the judges of that. We cannot be judge, jury, and executioner because we aren’t qualified to do that. All we can do is love, pray, and be a positive influence on those around us. No one wants to be around the Big Green Guy all the time. They want to be around Bruce Banner instead, the mild mannered scientist whose got a good heart. Be the person with the good heart that everyone can see. Don’t let the disease spread through you and your life, learn to let it go. Forgive and Love. Those are the keys to living a happy life.