Tag: the darkness

Surviving 

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Surviving 

How have I survived and kept my heart? I didn’t. I let hurt bury deep inside like a black sludge, and unchecked it spread like Venom the symbiont which took over spiderman causing him to be someone he wasn’t. I became that black spiderman, wanting to do good, but not. I was harsh, ill tempered, and while most of the time I could hide the suit under my clothes, sometimes the sludge won the day. 

A low song turned to a beautiful voice of what seemed like a hundred in sync voices singing to just me. I see faces, could this be the face of Jesus in each one? How many are there? So many in this late hour. Showing me the face of Jesus. He loves me this much, perhaps I never really knew, or at least I’d never seen it before. I began to see. The voices broke and stopped. Soon I’m left in the candlelight. The fight began, the sludge fought me. I wanted it gone, I tried to rip it off, and expel it, but it’s grip on me was strong. I knelt down at the cross and prayed like I’d never prayed before. “Lord Help ME! I need YOU!” I knelt there and cried. So many years. I hurt, and I felt the place in my heart that the black sludge was coming from. I felt abuse, I felt bullying, I felt heart break, I felt loss, I felt death, I felt war, I felt divorce, I felt more loss, and I felt lying, and more divorce, betrayal, and darkness that nearly took my life. And a spoonful of self-loathing to top it off. I could see it spewing from my broken heart like a rancher who struck oil. “Lord I need YOU! I need you Now.” “Lord please take this from me. Clean me Lord, please, I beg you.” The tears that fell that night were thick. I thought perhaps I’d never stop. Then a hand settled upon my shoulder. Power flew through the connection. I felt power rush into me. I looked up and saw my friend, my sponsor who brought me here. Could it be that easy? Yes and no. While the black sludge was removed, the broken heart still needed a bit of work. 

More events, like WWP’s Project Odyssey, A sailing clinic in Hawaii, a Soldier Ride in Cape Cod, all laid before me by God to start the healing process for different areas in my life. The brokenness within the heart while filled with scars, but were no longer spewing the black sticky, intrusive sludge. Different therapies I’d push myself into, and through, would help stitch up brokenness within me. One by one, and a lot of time. 

While I held onto the sweet boy the best I could, there was much hurt that he masked. His favorite superhero embodied that hurt. Batman who lost his parents, for the boy, that would almost have been easier. But Batman learned to harness that anger, and turned it into a force for good. The man in his life, Captain Jean-Luke Picard, once abducted by the Borg and forcefully changed to do their will, faced the anger and hardship to return to himself. Their intrusive attack left Him changed. But if a man could go through that, and still return to the Enterprise and show love and kindness, diplomacy, and embody the heart of a gentleman, I could do it too. Then, the real-life Hero, Dave Pelzer. He survived not having a name, torture, and the life he built and became a man with forgiveness in his heart. I would become a writer because of his works on “Child Called IT”. I met him once, and talked, the inspiration for my own book. I would be giving small inspirations in my life, and I would look to them, and see the goodness of people, and I wanted to be good too, and I wanted to fight evil. I dreamt of being a superhero. I dreamt that one day I would fight bullies, fight injustice, fight those who tried to do wrong. I would be hurt, but then there was Matt Murdock, Daredevil. He was blind, gifted with extraordinary talents, he would become blind justice. Why couldn’t I find a way to fight back against the evil? I didn’t know it back then, but I would get my chance. 

After the darkness nearly took me in 2016, I felt the lighting, the power of God surge through my body, giving me the strength to survive, to fight back against the darkness that tried to take me, but God saved me. Those experiences led me to write, as I write this day. The darkness did try to take me, but I would be brought back from the brink. I fell into the blackest of shadows, but God wasn’t done with me and He brought me back. I fight from my desk in my words I put out there for the world to see. I fight from my service in the Wounded Warrior Project as a peer mentor. I fight from my service to God and serve in the Lamplighter community. I fight from my service to those who are lost seeking direction, as I give the Lords words to those willing to hear my Podcast. I fight the darkness by sharing the Light that saved me. The Lord stayed with me, and never gave up on me. I was once infected by that black sludge, but no more. Once in a while it tries to grab on to my wrists and while sometimes it’s tight, the Lord always steps in and cuts off the source, freeing me from it’s dark grasp. I could have become a villain, but Jesus stepped in. I could feel that darkness rising within me, that sludge wanting me to give in, but the Light of the World said No. The light of the world gave me purpose, gave me value, because of His Love, I was given value in this world. The light saved me. That lonely boy who sat in the room as the darkness surrounded him, wanting to entomb him, the light dispelled that darkness. Through the years the Light kept the darkness at bay. Then one night, that light expelled the darkness once and for all. One night the light became an ember within Him, and that ember turned into a spark, and that spark turned into a flame, and that flame became a torch, for Him. The darkness would be defeated. 

Sure, there’s still pain and questions that go unanswered to this day, but that young boy grew up, the man was saved, and the ember that was fighting for survival from childhood was given fuel to ignite. No longer did the darkness live inside, but now, only attacks from the outside. Free was the Man. Freedom came from a night of candles and love, showing Him more of Jesus than he ever knew. The Light of the world. The light shines within me now. The battles comes, but I am equipped with the full armor of God. I am covered in His love. He is faithful. I may go into the fiery furnace but He protects me. I may be tossed to the lions, but His Holy Angels cover me from the attacks of the great deceiver. I went from a luke warm Christian to a soldier, prepared for battle. My fingers strengthened for the war, to wield the Sword of Truth. I am shod with His sandals of the Gospel of Peace. I am covered in prayers, and the Spirit is always with me. I am strengthened as to keep me strong, and to run and not grow weary. I am held up so I do not stumble. I know that there will be a day when I no longer have tears, but my Lord God, maker of Heaven and earth, sought me, and snatched me from the depths of hell. I was rescued by my Lord, and now I fight. I gladly face the army of Satan and with God’s strength behind me, I have nothing to fear while I try to reach souls for salvation. I can face down the army of demons and the Lord as my general I have been given a spirit of courage, not of fear. I continue to grow in strength, and my prayer is this, “My hope is that when I die, all of hell rejoices that I am out of the fight.” – Unknown. Lord, give me faith like Daniel. A heart like David, and Hope like Moses. Lord give me your strength to face the enemy with confidence that no matter what your will, will be done. I have been cleaned by your forgiving grace, and I pray your righteousness shines through me, that your justice and gospel emanate from all I do in my life. To you be the Glory, and may I be forgotten, but your words are not. Amen…

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So Glad I’m Forgiven

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So Glad I’m Forgiven

Even though I’m a sinner forever in this life, Christ, the greatest physician heals this world to give us eternal hope. I am not a perfect man, and I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. While I’ve always tried to walk a good path, I haven’t always put my best foot forward. I can never do enough to work to earn my way into Heaven. I cannot work hard enough to make my way into Heaven. It is by grace alone I am saved.

1 John 1:9 (NKJV)9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 

Because of grace which we can see that grace while Christ was on the cross,

Luke 23:32-43 (NKJV)

32 There were also two others, criminals, led with Him to be put to death. 33 And when they had come to the place called Calvary, there they crucified Him, and the criminals, one on the right hand and the other on the left. 34 [a]Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”

And they divided His garments and cast lots. 35 And the people stood looking on. But even the rulers with them sneered, saying, “He saved others; let Him save Himself if He is the Christ, the chosen of God.”

36 The soldiers also mocked Him, coming and offering Him sour wine, 37 and saying, “If You are the King of the Jews, save Yourself.”

38 And an inscription also was [b]written over Him in letters of Greek, Latin, and Hebrew:

THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS.

39 Then one of the criminals who were hanged blasphemed Him, saying, [c]“If You are the Christ, save Yourself and us.”

40 But the other, answering, rebuked him, saying, “Do you not even fear God, seeing you are under the same condemnation? 41 And we indeed justly, for we receive the due reward of our deeds; but this Man has done nothing wrong.” 42 Then he said [d]to Jesus, “Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom.”

43 And Jesus said to him, “Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.”

Even in the final hour, being able to offer nothing to Christ, the criminal on the cross was forgiven and promised Heaven. Forgiveness is a gift, it’s a gift we could never deserve, yet through grace we are given anyway. I know I can never do enough to tip the scales in my favor. Matthew 6:14-15 (NKJV) 14 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. We are given a choice how we want to live in this life. Will you live with love and forgiveness in your heart, or will you hold hate and grudges in your heart? We must always be a reflection of Christ in all we do. The love we share must always be the reflection of our Heavenly Father. When we live in the Lord we shall be rewarded in kind. 

I know I’m not perfect, and I know that there is no reason for Jesus to forgive me for the sins that I commit, but He does in fact forgive me every day. I am lost in the darkness without my light, and I have no hope in this life without Jesus Christ. I have seen and known so much pain, and I have lived this life in a constant struggle, but even when I’ve cried in the night, I was set free from my chains by the blood sacrifice of my Lord Jesus Christ. The darkness fades away in the light, and I am not covered in the tar of my sins anymore. The white covers my life, and the darkness tries to slip, slither back in, but Jesus Christ is my shield, the bubble of white I live in protecting me when I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death. 

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Of Course I’m Angry

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Of Course I’m Angry

The world has been unkind. It’s been cruel and without fail the wolves come and attack by night. The enemy has burnt down my castle, and has taken nearly everything I’ve held most dear, more than once. I was angry as a kid with no where to put it. The anger stayed inside and the gauge continued to rise without a relief valve. That angry kid internalized so much but instead of being angry it turned into self-loathing. I believed for so many years being angry was a bad and wrong thing of me. I felt as if my anger was viewed as a weakness, and I didn’t have any good reason to be angry. The truth is I had every right to be angry, and as normal as anger is be it’s important to know how to manage that anger. Where do we direct our anger when it comes? Do we store it inside for use later? I want to tell you a little story about someone who’s angry but it’s based on a selfish desire and what he did with his anger.

If you were Lucifer and you were angry at God for being banished from paradise and cast down to earth to roam unable to return home wouldn’t you be upset? Wouldn’t you hate God’s children that took so much attention from the Father? Whether the Angels were created as servants or children the effect is the same. Lucifer was created to be the most beautiful of all the Angels and his pride caused the rebellion and the fall. Attacking God’s children in Adam & Eve was a sure way to get God’s attention. Who is truly the angry one here? When you start feeling self-loathing, and anger, and hatred, who has the most to gain? Misery loves company, and if Satan, once the most beautiful of all God’s creations fell from grace never to return to perfection, that pride, that anger, that bitterness, no one wants to be alone. Satan draws you in to his own pain, and it’s not you, it’s him.

It’s Not Me It’s You

 Let’s get the story straight
You were a poison
You flooded through my veins
You left me broken
You tried to make me think
That the blame was all on me
With the pain you put me through
And now I know that it’s not me it’s you (you)

It’s not me it’s you (you)
Always has been you
All the lies and stupid things you say and do
It’s you (you)
It’s not me it’s you (you)
All the lies and pain you put me through
I know that it’s not me it’s you

 

Satan chose to be King of the earth rather than a servant in Heaven. He has a legion of fallen Angels at his side and his anger, and cruelty and malice spread across the earth as a plague. The enemy and the legions that follow are in every ear, every whisper, every discouraging comment, and all the route of a single act of sinful pride. As Lucifer fell his turn to the dark side became complete. Any good that may have remained in him turned bitter, cold, in essence he became the antitheses of God, which God’s complete power. God’s grace, and love, and mercy for mankind, Lucifer turned Satan held the antitheses of these things, malevolence, hatred, and cruelty towards mankind. The perception that Satan was able to do a better Job then God himself led Satan to betray God, which of course God knew from the beginning. An angry child throwing a temper tantrum is how I put it before. Lucifer once hailed as the definition of beauty, now scorched and his anger fuels the hatred and rage that runs over all of us every day.

Yes I was a kid when so many horrible things happened to me, and then as time went on more things would happen in my adult life. I found myself angry, and bitter, and the monster that was inside of me longed to escape. While any reasonable person could look at my life and understand why I’d be angry, the truth is, anger isn’t healthy to hold on to. I was wrong for so many years to let it stick with me. I watched as that anger turned inward and became the root of my self worth’s destruction. I feel rejection deeply, a blow that can often bring me to my knees. As rejection has become such a big part of my life, I hurt deeply when it happens. I have a hard time not blaming myself when others feel the desire to walk away. My mind tells me it’s my fault no one loves me. My mind tells me it’s me, and I must be worthless. I’m not strong enough to manage the pain inside, and I’m weak for feeling this way. All lies.

Jesus Christ, the son of the Father, became sin so we would not have to bare the burden of death. Jesus was an act of love and mercy, and if we were not worthy of God’s love, if we were not important to God, we would not have been saved. We are the multitude of God’s creation, and we were so loved, meaning we were so important to God, that we were given the gift of Jesus Christ to pay our ransom, our very own individual ticket to Heaven. If we want to be angry, bitter, and full of hate, have you taken a moment to ask where that came from? Satan wants control, he wants us to feel the darkness that he has fully embraced. Satan wasn’t rejected because of who he was, he was rejected by himself. He choose to rebel against God of his own selfish pride. He may not have known the true ramifications of his actins, but with the multitude of millions of fallen angels around the world, it’s no wonder anger and hatred has spread. As we become more disconnected with God we don’t feel his grace and mercy like we once had. As we pass laws to criminalize the Christian faith, we will see the darkness continue to spread over the land.

There is hope however, knowing that Jesus Christ is more powerful than the world. Jesus is sovereign over the heavens and Satan while his rule on earth is temporary, which will never amount to anything in the end. All the souls lost have joined the eternal damnation that will follow. Again, misery loves company. It wasn’t enough that Satan doomed the legion of fallen angels to eternal destruction, but Satan wants you to join him. What are you really angry about? Are you angry that God didn’t give you that pony when you were 13?  Are you angry you missed out on that promotion at work, or that your spouse had an affair? If you’re going to be angry at anything be angry that Satan has his hands around your loved ones. Be angry that Satan fills this world with lies to fuel his own sick, demented desires. Be angry that Satan is taking lives meant for Heaven and dooming them into a pit of despair. It’s okay to be angry, just make sure you use that anger for the glory of God, and realize whom the true enemy is.

Don’t let anger consume you. Don’t walk the path of darkness, do not hold onto the hatred that fills your soul. As Yoda once said, “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”  If God, the one who created the Heavens and the Earth loved us so much, how can we be angry? We must lift up our hearts, to the one who holds the stars. We must trust in the goodness of this world because there is still light left. We must reject sin with malice. We must choose love over anger. Don’t be like me, don’t hold onto that anger for so long it stains the very core of your heart. Don’t allow anger to take up a permanent residence inside you. Feel the anger, and then let it go. Watch it leave with your breath, and allow the Holy Spirit to breathe inside you cleansing your spirit. Follow God’s word, Gods love, and live that love in your every day. While I have had just cause to be angry, what I didn’t have was the right to stay angry. Now I’m dealing with the self -loathing and self-doubt, and dealing with the stain is worse then getting spaghetti sauce on a white tablecloth. I have hated what I became, and as I kept it secret for many years, now it’s time to destroy that monster inside.

 We must understand that to fight the darkness, it’s to fundamentally change how we view the world. We must understand who we are in this place, and realize the world’s lies to us, and about us, do not define who we are. We must trust in God’s love, and not doubt our creator. If we believe that God is perfect, and His plan is perfect, then we must believe that we are exactly who we because it’s what God wanted. We have the choice how to allow the world to affect us, and if we choose to let the world lie to us, beat us down, make us angry, that’s a personal choice, and not what God wanted. Don’t get me wrong, anger is a healthy emotion, even Christ showed anger. God has displayed anger, and we too are given the emotion for a reason, but don’t allow that to consume you, to control you. You are in control of your emotions when you acknowledge them and deal with them. It’s okay to face the darkness, just don’t become the darkness.

Left Behind

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Left Behind:

I look to the heavens and I pray to you. I fall to my knees in desperation hoping for something to change. I have looked around and I have felt like I have been left behind while everyone else moves forward. I have been waiting and today I just don’t feel like I can keep moving forward. When I look in the mirror today I struggle to see what you do. My God please show me the way, please help me see what you do. Today I look in the mirror and I see a shattered reflection.

Feeling like everyone else has moved forward in their lives while I am left behind. Feeling like I’m invisible and that my feelings don’t matter. Of course these feelings are spiritual warfare at it’s best. Many before me have faced challenging times, and many before me have lost more then I could imagine, and yet here I am feeling sorry for myself. Alas I long for the feeling of being useful and feeling wanted, yet I struggle in my own understanding of my trials. 2 Corinthians 12:10 “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” The days come when we stumble as I have, and when my faith isn’t as strong as I wish it to be, but where there is weakness, there is hope. I have seen the darkness creep in and I have chosen not to flee. Even as I feel my hope dwindle beneath the pressure of lies, my soul is warmed by the voice of light from above. Isaiah 41:10“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

My God, my God I trust in you, but I feel sorrow and pain. So many have left, and so few remain. My God I feel alone and lost in desperation. I don’t know where to go, and I don’t know where to turn. I’ve tried to many ways, and failed so many times. My Lord I feel blind traveling the maze. Please light my path and guide my feet. Show me a sign and answer my prayer. I’ve waited so long, how long must I be made to wait. What must I learn, or do to prepare? My God you are Holy and I am not, and I ask you now, please deliver me from my suffering. I have been left behind and alone I sit. I’m not weak though today I don’t feel strong. Please show me who I am, and tell me my quality. I trust you my God and you’ve never forsaken me. Through my deepest valleys you’ve protected me along the way. Now I fight a new kind of war, and it’s one for my darkest emotions.

Psalm 43:5“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” I resist the pain and the lies from below. I stand on my armor and hold fast in the attack. I shall pray upon you my God and renew my strength. Isaiah 40:31“but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” The world may leave me behind, but I trust you my God, you will always be with me.

 

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The Dark

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The Dark

The darkening cave surrounds you, the air thick and heavy, the pounding in your ears and the fear takes hold. Close your eyes, and extend your hand. Even in the darkest of days, a connection with faith, and you can be pulled from the deepest abyss. I have often felt as if my solitude were some kind punishment. I felt as if my inability to explore and make friends was something I had done wrong. Nothing seemed to be working and I felt as if I were in a cave all-alone. I have felt as if the darkness was overtaking me, and I never knew how far I’d slip. As the darkness spread it seemed as if most of the areas in my life would be affected. The truth was, and is, when pain is what causes the darkness it’s hard to find the light. The darkness is like an infection. Once it gets inside it’s hard to be rid of it. There are many things that can cause the darkness, insecurities, jealousy, and several forms of fear. There’s a fear in me of being alone. I fear I will be along for a long period of time. One of my biggest issues is basing my self worth on what others perceive in me. I have always allowed others acceptance of me to bring me down when they don’t.

The loneliness I’ve been dealing with seems to be a lingering problem. I know for sure, an undoubted fact that the Devil has been working overtime lately, feeding me lie after lie. I have sunken into a more depressed state, feeling alone, and questioning my own mortality. I’m not talking suicidal thoughts, but the wondering motif of the past, and thinking I missed out on a more deserved fate. These lies come straight from the pits of Hell, and it’s important to at least realize the source if we are to better fight against it. The Devil will try to attack you, finding the cracks to get in. Once the Devil gets in, the small speck turns like a seed to a plant spreading it’s evil fines throughout your life. What line of defense do you have to protect yourself from the trails and tribulations that will befall you? We know that scripture teaches us to turn to God for our strength. We are taught to guard our heart, and protect our mind. We are taught to use the armor of God and not allow ourselves to fall victim to the spiritual warfare that we are actively engaged in. The dark cannot exist when you shine the light on it. The light can only exist if you choose not to sit in the darkness. You have to choose to leave the darkness behind and fight to stay in the light.

Fighting depression, anxiety, hopelessness isn’t ever easy, but it’s something we must endure, and learn to fight back against. The darkness is in all of us. We all have the ability for great evil, but also great love. We will always have a choice in this life to follow the path of light or dark. We will make choices every day, and sometimes we may actually believe that what we are doing is what’s best, but I heard a sermon recently, your heart can be deceived and therefore you shouldn’t trust it. The heart can be fooled into feeling a great many things, and it’s in Christ we find our Godly wisdom. We won’t always make the best of choices, and we won’t always follow the right path, but if we truly trust in the Lord, and believe that we are doing what would be bring glory to God, then we stand a chance to living our life in the light, and not the dark. I’ve seen men and women walk a path, and just at the snap of your fingers something or someone comes along, a viper in the weeds to lure them to the dark side. Lust presents itself as love, and how often do we as a people try to do what’s best for us in the name of love? When we are fooled by the feel good emotions, the drug in which many marriages, and friendships have fallen into ash, then we see the darkness that has covered our very world.

While I find myself fighting the darkness from rising, and I have considered myself a failure by all right, I know where those lies come from. The struggle is real regardless. Your feelings should always be lined up with the situation to know that your feelings are validated. We all have good and bad feelings, and sometimes our life’s struggles cause us to feel badly about ourselves. It’s hard to manage what you feel, and what you know you should feel. I know I shouldn’t feel worthless, and I know I shouldn’t question my own mortality. The fight is real, and the challenges don’t necessarily get any easier as time goes on. We know we need to turn to others in our time of need, but more importantly the Lord. We know we can’t keep ourselves on our own island, keeping us secluded. Isolation is unhealthy and we are easily picked off when we’re alone. We are weakest by ourselves, and we need to find strength in numbers. Don’t keep yourself secluded, go out and find yourself in the light. Stay out of the darkness because the darkness can take hold, and if we aren’t careful, it doesn’t let go easily.

Shadows In The Dark

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Shadows In The Dark

Have you ever lain in your bed, the room dark, with shadows dancing around the walls? The fear those shadows instill in a young boy. The constant terror a child will face, afraid of the monsters looming around the void of light. We grow up and we learn that some of those shadows are no more then the tree outside dancing in the wind. We learn not to let our imagination run wild in the dark. What if some of those shadows weren’t shadows at all, but the Devil and his minions, his Demons from Hell that are taunting you, playing with your emotions, and bringing you the fear. As we get older temptations and fear, and even the lies people will utter have a deep impact on us and our fragile sensibility. When someone spreads lies about you it hurts your feelings. When people are cruel for no reason but their own insecurities it doesn’t feel good. Over the years I’ve lost many of my friends due to the insecurities of others. The struggle to maintain friendships as you get older has gotten harder then ever. When Facebook released I thought keeping and maintaining friendships would have been easier, instead I think it’s gotten harder. The problem is, with the invent of social media, and apps, the secret life has become very common. I think the paranoia of everyone has in fact infected everyday relationships. The truth is, the Devil has found new and creative ways to break into the hearts and minds people everywhere.

It’s difficult when you are trying to make friends. There’s so much fear, and insecurities, and distrust in the world today it makes it hard to make and keep friends. We see the scripture actually talks about social media in a way. 1 Corinthians 15:33 “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.” Social media has given the ability to now hide communication, and lie and cheat your way through life. As friendships come and go today we find ourselves in a world that cares very little for truth, honesty, or loyalty. It’s important that we look to those in our lives that are closest to us. We need to find our brothers and sisters in Christ. It’s in that, that we will find those who will not just be a friendly hello, but those who will be there for us in our times of adversity. Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Friends will come and go, but those friends who become more, that become like family, those are the people that you need to water and cultivate and allow it to grow and flourish. Proverbs 18:24 “A man [that hath] friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend [that] sticketh closer than a brother.”

Don’t let the shadow overtake you. The struggle of loosing your friends, your loved ones, is very real and it happens to many. The storms will come and go, the trials, and the turbulent weather will toss you around like a dogs chew toy. The war for our hearts and minds is fought in the shadows. The war for our very soul is fought every day in the darkness. We must remember that the Devil will sway those away from us, and when that happens all we can do is pray for them, and move forward in our lives. There are plenty of new flavors to allow the Devil his tricks, but we have to be strong and fight the fight. We have to continue to fight and never let go. The last thing we want to do is be one step away from turning the corner we can’t turn back from. We can only do so much to help those who’ve fallen victim to the lies. We have to keep pushing forward and try to bring the light to the darkness. I’m reminded of the Jorker from The Dark Knight. Are we just one bad day from crossing the line? Are we one bad day from embracing the darkness? We must continue to fight against that and remember Jesus is the light of the world and is always with us.

 

A Journey In The Darkness

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A Journey in the darkness

Psalm 91:4 “He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.”

The joys of this life can be easily snuffed out in the mists of dark days, of struggles, and of heartbreak. When the days get you down you have to be strong. It’s so easy to fall into darkness and despair. I’ve seen it happen in my own life, and in the lives of many that I know. Despair is a dangerous and sometimes deadly trap. Despair can easily turn into quicksand and drag you down, and must like the Dementors in the famed Harry Potter books, it can suck the happiness right out of your lungs and make you feel like you’ll never be happy again. One thing in my own life I’ve found is how fickle some friends can be. Since my gun shot wound a year ago I’ve found more and more friends are fickle and come around only when they want something, or they are bored and know you’ll be there as a last resort.

While there’s no doubt that this hurts, and I know I can’t be the only person that goes through this, what hurts the most is the exodus that’s occurred. While I realize that bullet changed my life, and while I am responsible, the feeling of loss from the mass abandonment that was left behind is heart breaking. Now over a year later, I’ve had another exodus from obvious different causes, but never the less the pain is the same. This presents a new kind of struggle, and yet again staring at the brink of darkness, and once more unto the breach. The war continues and as there is a great sense of loss, I am left with one undeniable fact, that I am not alone. Though the case may be that while physically and emotionally I am or feel alone, God is always there with me. While this doesn’t take away the desire and drive to meet someone special, or want to make new local friends, it does prevent me from falling into complete and total despair.

I know at the end of the day when I’m feeling down and I’m feeling blue, I know that my future is much brighter then it appears because I know that my Abba is looking out over me. I swore no matter how bad it got I would never stair down the wrong side of that circumstance again, and that I would be an advocate for finding another way. There is always hope as long as we breath, and while I am lonely, while my Christmas wish is to find love, and to not being alone anymore, and to make some good local friends, I know that God is with me and in time, those things will be mine, because it’s what my deepest desire is from my heart. I may not always makes the right choices, but I try to.

If you’re feeling despair this season reach out, find someone. If you’re happy as can be this holiday season, reach out to your friends or family that are having a hard time. Don’t forget this is both the happiest time of year, and often the saddest. Faith is so important, and even when it’s sometimes hard, don’t loose hope, and never give up. Don’t ever forget that you can be protected under Angels wings, and your God, the King of all is powerful enough to handle any situation, every tear, every cut, you aren’t suffering through it alone. God is not just watching, God experiences it all with us. Rest assure you will make it out, and one day you will make it home, a home of pure perfection.

 

 

 

Bright Tomorrow?

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Bright Tomorrow?

The darkness fills the room. The lights go out and blindness is the word of the night. How we cannot see when the darkness is all around us. When choices weigh you down, and you can’t seem to lift your head off the pillow it’s so heavy like a pile of bricks. The darkness spreads, it’s an evil entity with a mind of it’s own. It follows you, it stalks you, it hunts you in the light of day, and in the darkness of night. The shadows weigh you down, and if it catches you, it may very well crush you.

When you run from the darkness where are you running? What are you running from? We all have our shadows, and we all have the darkness inside us. It’s fear, and doubt, it’s the bad traumas we face, and it’s the hopeless nights that haunt us. We feel the weights pile on, and we watch as the weight on our shoulders weighs us down dragging our shoulders to the ground. The literal weight of our own cross drags us to the ground and if we aren’t careful it’ll crush us into the dirt. Have no fear though, there’s hope just on the horizon.

1 Corinthians 9:26 “So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air.” How do we fight the darkness? We must remember that the darkness are the lies and the self flagellants we push upon ourselves. The Devil wants to use our fears and doubts against us. The Devil wants us to struggle with our past mistakes and our past failings. We know that the world isn’t a fair or kind place, but when it feels like more then you can hold, you know who to call, and no not the Ghostbusters.

When the world is more then you can take you gotta call upon the one and only strong enough to get you through, Jesus Christ. Christ will carry you through, Christ will left you and protect you. We have our trials, we have our hurdles we may face, but no matter what it is, it’s never to big for God. Give us strength oh Lord of all to help us through. I don’t have to be strong enough because I am never alone. Christ gives me strength to push away the demons who attack my weaknesses, Christ gives me strength to light up the darkness and make the enemy of the night flee before the light of the cross.

Heavens mercy upon us is strength for this world, it’s hope, and it’s a way to push beyond the fear. We can always count on the Lord to be with us. We can always hope and pray for the best, but we know the fight will come, and we must always be ready. We can’t let our past weigh us down. We can’t allow our pain to forge our future. We must learn to embrace the pain, and use it for a better tomorrow. We draw a line in the sand and we choose to fight. How can we fight if we are weighed down with our own fears and doubts? The world is hard enough to face, let alone face it when we are over encumbered. The Devil wants us to go to war with the fear and doubts, the pain, the hatred we hold in our hearts. How can we share the light if our own light is subdued by the stained hearts we have? The fact is, is you’re going to stand you need to go toe to toe with the darkness. There’s only room enough for one of you in this world, and it’s either the one that embraces the light to forge ones self in the fire, or those who embrace the darkness and forever lives in the shadows of misery. You can’t forge steel without the flame, so who are you going to be? Are you going to be the one to fall on your face and stay down, or are you going to embrace that fire, and fight the Devil? You need to realize you’re more then the bad decisions, you’re more then the pain, you’re more then the lies the devil tries to spread. You need to have the faith that allowed the clouds to part, the giants to fall, the seas to split, and the sins of the world to break the temple in half. Don’t be afraid of the darkness because with God anything’s possible. The fight is coming no matter what we may want. You have to learn to be ready for it, and when it comes know how to fight back. Trust in God and believe in the impossible. God doesn’t just have the big stuff, but the small details too. Don’t let the darkness scare you because if you are walking with the Lord you aren’t in the darkness. It may creep up on you, but stand firm on the heels of Christ and you can defeat the Devil when the battle knocks on your door.

 

Feeding the Darkness

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Feeding the Darkness 

After a tragedy in your life you may find yourself on a perpetual lope, you’re on repeat playing the same tone over and over again. In that you are holding onto the pain and suffering caused by whatever trauma you’ve endured. What happens when we get stuck? Anger breeds upon itself. Proverbs 29:11 “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.” When we allow ourselves to stay angry we put ourselves inside a fortress and we don’t allow anyone to enter. When we do that we cut off our relationship with anyone who wants to love us to include friends, family, and most importantly God. Ephesians 4:26-27 “26 In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” This being a longer verse let’s talk about it. When we are angry we often find ourselves unable to make sound judgments. We open the door and everything we have is ripe for the taking when the Devil finds us in a state of suggestibility. The evil whispers in our ear to do things we usually wouldn’t do. I believe the general idea of these verses is telling us to turn that anger into something we can use. Redirect that anger and make good of it, allow ourselves to focus and help others. Build others up instead of tearing down in our anger. Find a way to let go of the bitterness, rage and anger that sit in the pit of our stomachs and spawn more negativity.

When we find ourselves getting angry which is a normal emotion, how we handle it is what’s important. Ecclesiastes 7:9 “9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” We must learn to extend our fuse, make it harder to be provoked to do something harsh. The Devil wants us to fly off the handle because when we do we often hurt those closest to us. This damages the positive relationships we have and thus harming the relationships with God our Father.

 The phrase “Kill um with kindness.” Isn’t just a clever euphemism it’s actually a Biblically derived statement. Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” When others get angry if we find a way to maintain calm, it’s hard for the other person to keep shouting when instead of the reverberation affect, you act as a dampener. It takes two people in the ring to box. Without the opponent you just look silly shadow boxing yourself. Proverbs 15:8 “18 A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.”

 Be the calm in every storm. When we argue with one another and we start to yell, we start to curse, we start to dredge up the past, when we start resorting to name calling and all manner of vial things spew from your mouth, that is feeding the darkness. It’s not just focusing on your own pain, it’s also fueling others pain to grow as well. Often we argue with the ones we love the most and instead of allowing yourself to fall into a cycle of self loathing, self destruction, self gratification, allow yourself to see the error in your own way, and others will see the difference. We cannot change others, but by our own actions we may influence by allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us, to work through us and affect those around us. Anger is contagious, hatred is contagious, but so is love, so is kindness. It’s much harder to love and overcome things that make us upset or the things that hurt us, but we cannot be the judges of that. We cannot be judge, jury, and executioner because we aren’t qualified to do that. All we can do is love, pray, and be a positive influence on those around us. No one wants to be around the Big Green Guy all the time. They want to be around Bruce Banner instead, the mild mannered scientist whose got a good heart. Be the person with the good heart that everyone can see. Don’t let the disease spread through you and your life, learn to let it go. Forgive and Love. Those are the keys to living a happy life.

 

 

 

The Monsters in Our Head

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The Monsters in Our Head

They toil and strike, they grind their teeth and they bite and scratch.

They feed and pray, the scared and weak. The attacks and quick and always lethal.

The horns and claws, they attack, so never turn your back.

Red eyes gleam through the night, they always leave you in fright.

The wolves and vultures they circle round and round. Always pray they attack when you’re bound.

Bound by doubt, bound by regret, bound by shame. Bound to a cross the sharks circle beneath. Bound by fear, bound by sadness, bound by loneliness, the blood the smell.

Attack the weak, the monsters seek. The darkness comes, the monsters creep. Around and around they circle and slither, fear and doubt they smell and quiver.

The monsters excite, they drool and they bite. They chomp at each other, who will make the kill.

They crouch to pounce. But the light shines through. Recoil of all, they hiss and cower.

The light shines through, it blinds them all, they scamper and crawl. He light holds power the monster will scour.

Freedom alas, the world in darkness shall pass. The light, the light, where does it come from? The light shines bright, and even with the sight, you cannot see.

The light is bright, and warm, and calm, the monsters are gone.

The light lifts you up, carries you away. The light shines for those who seek.

Refuge for all, all who seek, all who are meek.

Meek before the Lord and call for his name. Jesus is our light, the light of the world.

Jesus the mighty warrior who monsters flee from. Light up the darkness and away they go. The monsters cannot stay, as they wonder to and fro.

“But the LORD is with me as a mighty terrible one: therefore my persecutors shall stumble, and they shall not prevail: they shall be greatly ashamed; for they shall not prosper: their everlasting confusion shall never be forgotten.” (Jeremiah 20:11)

 The Lord, the Lord, saves us all. The Lord the Lord, slayer of terrible beasts that linger in thought. The Lord of all, brings peace upon the whole, the Lord the Lord, saves our soul.