Tag: Sunset

I’m not a quitter

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I’m not a quitter

There are days, days like today, when all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs and question what in the ever livin bleep am I doing. There are days when doing the right thing is perhaps the hardest thing to do. The frustrations that can often comes with doing the right thing, and yet finding the strength to maintain ones composure is as difficult as it comes. On days like today, all I can do is sit back and pray for guidance in a tumultuous world.

It’s never an easy thing controlling the emotions inside when someone hurts you. What’s the old saying, ‘when someone hurts you, hurt them worse.’? I’m glad Jesus didn’t decide to go with that mantra. Could you imagine what would have happened to the world if Jesus had decided to hurt us worse then we hurt him? It’s a scary thought. We have it in our selves to either be very kind, or incredibly cruel. Revenge is the lifestyle so many people will follow and it’s such a destructive path. It’s important to understand why we must remain patient. It’s important to understand why we must hold ourselves to a higher standard then petty retribution.

I have allowed people to stay around and I have put myself on the line over and over giving them a chance to change. I have watched as they have stayed on the roller coaster bring everyone along with them. I have watched as they’ve had good days, great weeks, and bad ones. I have watched as some days I’m treated well and with plenty of respect, and then days like today where I am treated with such little regard it feels like I have taken a punch from superman straight to the chest. I ask myself on days like this why do I stick around? I have no real reason to anymore. I stay because I feel when there is darkness even the smallest bit of light can bring forth change.

When I find myself questioning why I’m a nice person, I think of Jesus and what he said on the cross. “Today you will be with me in heaven.” He looked to the father and asked for the forgiveness of us, the people, the foolish, greedy, selfish people governed by sin and hateful hearts. We brought forth the worst kind of pain known at the time, and we tore flesh from his body, we hammered nails through his hands and feet. We hung him in a position that would cause him to asphyxiate under his own body weight. Through all of that, we were forgiven of our sins. We have learned very little since then. We still rape and murder, and steal, and lie and cheat. We still hurt people for our own personal gain, and we recklessly destroy peoples lives. How do we deserve mercy, and forgiveness, the answer is neither simple nor easy, it’s grace. Love is greater then all things, and is superior then hate. Love will always concur hate, and even if I have to remind myself every day, I might one day make a difference.

As hurt as I am, and as broken as I feel, I have to pick myself up, and keep pushing forward. While I don’t know where my tomorrow will lead me, I know I cannot abandon those I care for. Even if I feel hope is lost, I have to remind myself that through God all things are possible. I walk by faith, and in my faith I’m not always strong, but when I am weak God is with me. Today I’m weak and don’t know where to go. I don’t feel strong, and I don’t feel courageous. I know the only place I can turn is my Lord and Savior. I know that my heart is in pain, but trusting in the Lord is the only way I will ever heal. I know the Devil would love nothing more then to see me break down, throw in the towel and walk away. The Devil aims to destroy, to tear down the foundations of the lives built around Christ. Today I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, but tonight I shall go to bed, and God willing wake up in the morning and God willing a new perspective on tomorrow. Right now I need a little hope, and a sign that tonight I’m not alone.

I Forgive All

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I Forgive All

My whole life I have faced abuse. My whole life I have run from the monsters that have been my tormentors. My struggle started early in my life. I faced bullies, and teasing that turned physical, and I never knew why. The teasing started around 1994-1995 fourth or fifth grades. I found myself being teased for the clothes I wore, or the way I looked. I was teased for the way I sounded, and even the girl I had a crush on, the sheer thought that she may actually like me in return. Obviously she didn’t, and I knew that, but to those who found out, it made for a good joke. I found myself imagining I was somewhere else, or someone else. I would let my imagination run wild in pretending I was a superhero saving the world, or a half elf chasing fame in Dungeons and Dragons quests. I would find anything I could do to pretend I was anyone else. Halloween was my favorite holiday because for one night a year I could be someone else. I could be something else. I would pray to God every night to save me from my situation. I would pray every day that I would be removed from my hell on earth and I would pray at times to just die, and be rid of all the pain I was in. Every day became a struggle for me to get out of bed and move forward. I found myself afraid of going to school as the teasing had turned physical by the time I was through middle school. Year after year as my bullies got bigger I struggled to get away from the constant pushing, taking my things, or even the swirly. And still I prayed, but it wasn’t till years later my prayers would finally be answered. By the point I would leave I would have moved out from home multiple times. I would suffer further life changing trauma’s and then to pour salt in the wounds I would be teased for nearly loosing my only parent. I was surrounded by pain everywhere I looked, and still I prayed. I can remember night after night dropping to my knees and praying for relief, but night after night my prayers went unanswered.

 

I can remember the first Christian song I’d learn, it was the song that would forever change my life and it wasn’t just the song that changed my life it was whom I learned the song from. His name was John, and he loved the Lord. We met on the track team my sophomore year of high school. I hadn’t been in my new school long before we met, and we quickly became good friends. It wasn’t long before he began to open up to me about his faith. I had always been a believer of God but I had never met anyone as passionate about Jesus as he was. As the months went by he would continue to tell me about Jesus and I would listen and I was amazed how much Christ had changed his life. See, the thing is, tragedy would befall John and me, and that tragedy would shape my life. The last thing we would ever say to each other were insults out of anger. John would die just two months later after a car accident. His last gift to me was a recording of him singing I can only Imagine by: MercyME at his church. His death haunted me for years. Even after learning my words changed his heart and he reconciled with his sister before he died, I couldn’t bring myself to do the one thing I needed to, forgive myself.

 

For years I would carry the weight of guilt along with me. I carried it into basic training with me, and then onto Iraq. There guilt would pile upon me like a bag of rocks. I carried it into my marriage and as that marriage would fail, I’d carry guilt from that marriage and everything before that into my next marriage. One thing after another I would take the blame, the guilt, and I would carry it from one time to the next. Instead of taking on peoples sins, I would take their guilt. I would carry it on my shoulders, and I would find a way to take the blame for every horrible thing that happened in my life. Somehow I found it was easier to take the blame then to explain how people were so cold and cruel. I couldn’t face that people were mean or cruel unless it was my fault and I deserved it. I began to believe that the pain I endured was because I wasn’t a good person. I believed that I was a mistake, and that no one would or could ever love me. I believed that I was a mistake at birth and remained that way in life. I believed that my conception was a mistake and I believed I would have been better off had I never been born. Since I was born my place was to be everyone’s mistake to learn what not to do. I believed I was worthless and that truly, no one could ever really love me, because who could love such a mistake. I ran, and continued to run away from the monsters that chased me in my dreams.

 

After my second marriage fell into ruin I allowed the Devil to whisper in my ear and I fell further then I ever imagined. I never imagined I would one day put a gun to myself. I couldn’t explain what I felt, and I still can’t. I felt like I deserved to be punished for my failures, and I couldn’t imagine a life where I wasn’t a failure. I saw everything from past, and I saw my sin in my face. I was surrounded by the echo’s of my old life and I was surrounded by the demons, the monsters I spent so long running from. The monsters I was so afraid of caught me and I felt like I could never get away. I stood there frightened, terrified because the monsters looked just like me. I was my monster, I was the creator of my pain, and I was the failure and sin that chased me over a lifetime. I couldn’t see a way out, and knowing deep down in my heart I didn’t owe a life, but I owed a level of pain. Pain for pain so I made a deal with myself to face physical pain in the place of the emotional pain I couldn’t handle anymore. I heard the whispers in my head to do it, to grab the gun, to put it to my chest, and I heard the whispers saying I was a coward, and that I deserved her leaving me, and I deserved everything I’d gone through. I wasn’t a coward, and I did deserve to suffer for my failures. I wasn’t a coward so I took a breath and squeezed the trigger.

 

I believed the cruelest lie from the pits of Hell. I believed my sins could be paid by self-sacrifice. I believed the lie my whole life, and I was weak, weak enough to step off that cliff and take one for the team. Even though death wasn’t what I sought, death had come for me. The lie I fell for was to be at the cost of my own life. I fell down into the deepest pit of Hell and though I couldn’t see anything but the sheer darkness of my decisions, I was caught. The fall ended and I said “God I’m sorry.” I don’t need to imagine anymore because I know, I have felt the power of the Holy Spirit, and as my senses would be overloaded I would hear the words that would change my life. “You’re FORGIVEN.” I felt the jolt, the electric shock run through my whole body and I would no longer be in darkness, but in an ambulance. I begged to go back, to be with Him, but my life was spared for a reason. My life was spared with a single word, forgiven. Why is it so hard for us to forgive those who hurt us? Why is it so hard for us to understand the true meaning of love and forgiveness? Could you imagine a world where we actually loved and forgave one another? I couldn’t imagine a God that would forgive me for believing the lie, but here I am. I’m living proof of the power of God, the love of God, the forgiveness of God.

 

I don’t have to imagine anymore what forgiveness looks like. My biggest struggle after my near death experience, believing I was ever that low. I would look at myself in the mirror and not know who I was. I would see the eyes looking back to me and I saw a stranger. I was able to forgive all those who had trespassed against me, but why couldn’t I forgive myself. I loathed myself, and I hated the man I had become. The struggle I faced was understanding why save a man like me? What was God thinking sparing my life? I kept telling myself there was a mistake and someone else was supposed to get saved. The truth is, God lives in you. God lives in me, and God watches over us. The Holy Spirit washed over all of us, and it’s in our reflection we should see beyond our own eyes and see Christ looking back. Luke 23:34“Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.” We never deserved the forgiveness from Jesus for what we did to him. We never deserved forgiveness for sacrificing ones self from the Father to take upon himself the full wrath of rage against sin, but forgiveness isn’t about the trespasser, it’s about the trespassed. Forgiveness is letting go of the pain caused by others, letting go of the sorrow that lives in our hearts. Forgiveness is about balance within ones self.

 

All those years I looked to the stars and I prayed to God to save me from my pain, the answer was right there all along, yet I was too blind to see. In the room I was in, or the field, or next to the fire as I looked to the sky, I was surrounded by God’s glory and I failed to see. It isn’t about the things done to you, it’s about the things you do to yourself. I imagined a day when my pain would go away because I would find someone to live my life with. I imagined a day when my pain would go away because I wouldn’t live in poverty anymore. I imagined a life free from the losses of my past. What I couldn’t imagine was my road to recovery, my road to peace started within myself. I couldn’t take the blame anymore for things I couldn’t control. I couldn’t continue allowing myself to be responsible for the actions of others, and myself. I had to learn to forgive myself because if God could forgive me, and if God saved me, there must have been something he saw, that I couldn’t.

 

Guilt of ones own actions is a powerful thing. We can often see our own guilt turning into rage and anger towards others. Guilt can manifest itself in a vast number of ways in our life, but at the root of it, is something toxic that if left untreated it will grow and infect every aspect of your life. Year after year I allowed my fear, my anger and my guilt to grow inside me till one day it took control. I lost sight of the truth, and I lost sight of the way. I believed a lie, and I was reminded of all the times I tried and failed, and all the times I was told I’d never be good enough, I couldn’t see the voice screaming at me, was me. We cannot go through life holding onto the baggage of our mistakes. We cannot go through life holding onto our failures, and forcing others to carry our baggage by the way we treat them. The truth is, we don’t need to hold onto our fear, our sorrow, our pain in order to learn from it. We don’t need to carry it with us to remind us of the past. If God can wipe away our sins as if they never existed at all, then we must shed that dark spot on our heart, and see the beating of a heart washed by the blood shed for us. We cannot move forward in our lives if we do not allow ourselves to forgive our greatest source of pain. For everyone this looks different. Were you abused physically, emotionally, sexually? Have you lost loved ones by the hands of someone else? Have you been the cause of pain in others lives? We must learn to forgive both others and ourselves. Forgiveness isn’t always easy, but it does start with a single step. ‘I Forgive You.’ If you have to say this to yourself, or if you have to say this in your head every day directed at someone, you have to start by allowing yourself to feel it. Let the heart lighten, let the heart soften by the touch of God. Jesus is the healer of all things, and in all things Jesus is the answer.

 

The day we face Jesus and we know our King, we know the Glory that awaits us, what will your heart feel? Stand in the presence of God knowing your sins have been wipped clean, and in the glory of the Holy Spirit you are loved. We are so loved and yet we struggle expressing that love to one another. Do not let your hearts be troubled with the memories of the past. Do not allow yourself to fall to sorrow any longer. Find healing in the light of God and close your eyes and see the face of Jesus. Close your eyes, and imagine the king’s hands wiping your tears away. Allow yourself to face the pain and grieve. Imagine the love of God and the true power, the true healing power of the glory of the Lord.

 

God gave us Jesus for the days of sorrow, and the days of triumph. God gave us Jesus to save us from ourselves, and to free us from our own darkness. God gave us Jesus to guide us when we loose our way. God gave us Jesus to know as both friend and King. God gave us Jesus for a personal relationship and there are no words we could say to ever give thanks to our creator. God gave us Jesus to heal our souls, and show us how to live. God gave us Jesus to show us how to love. God gave us Jesus to cure us of our fears, and reassure us when we doubt. God gave us Jesus to show us the way.

 

When we seek, Jesus will help us find it. When we hurt Jesus will help us heal it. We must learn to trust in Jesus and lift our eyes to the King when tears fall to the ground. Ephesians 4:32“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”  Forgiveness can be the hardest thing we ever do in our life. When we hurt beyond belief, when we feel like there’s nothing left we can do to deal with our pain, there’s one word that will set you free, forgiveness. Jesus shows us how to love. Jesus shows us how to forgive. Jesus tells us we have to forgive. We cannot hold onto the pain others have caused, and we must forgive beyond our own pride. We must accept we’ve made a mistake, and we must set all that hurt free. Give the pain to God and forgiveness of others and ourselves. Jesus, show me how to do the impossible and forgive. Jesus show me how to forgive myself, and learn to move forward. Learn the grace and be set free. The power of forgiveness, because the only prisoner of the pain is you. Forgiveness is releasing your pain because that pain doesn’t define you. We expect forgiveness of our sins by the Father, so shall we learn to give forgiveness because it’s rarely deserved but that’s not why we forgive. Do not be slave to the pain inside. Do not let it consume you.

 

I allowed my self-loathing control me. I allowed my doubts to grow and I lost sight of my Lord. I lost sights of the truth that is Jesus Christ. I lost sight of so much, but on this day if you’re holding onto a grudge, if you’re holding onto pain in your heart, let it go by lifting it up to the Lord. Let Jesus wash away your pain, and begin to heal your damaged heart. Allow the Lord to peer into your heart, and opening your eyes to what you may have hidden even from yourself. Those who bully others are angry with themselves. Those who belittle others have wounded souls of their own. Hurting people hurt others, and we must offer forgiveness no matter how deeply our own pain runs. My Lord is more then enough to heal and in that healing I find hope. My heart is broken, but in Jesus it’s mended. My life should have ended in a moment of doubt, in a moment of pain, and in a moment of lie I now find forgiveness was the key all along.

 

My greatest legacy isn’t one thing, no, it’s the journey of my failures, and rising like a phoenix from the ashes into a man who finally understands the true meaning of love. I have said I love others and many I still do, but I never loved myself. I was a house built on the sand and when the waves came in, it knocked my foundation back to the sea. I wasn’t strong because I never saw myself as value. I realize I have value because Christ loves me. Jesus saved me and for that I now know it was self-forgiveness that was missing all along. We will fall, and we will stumble but Jesus loves us and will pick us up, wipe away our tears, heal our hearts, and move forward. Here and now be honest and forgive someone you’ve denied. Don’t let another day go by holding onto your bumps and bruises. You will be made flawless by the cross, no matter the scars held deep inside. Bring your shame, your tired, your guilt, your failures, bring them all to the Lord let yourself be redeemed by the spirit. When you look in the mirror instead of seeing your failures, see Christ looking back at you. You will be called many things by many people, but the one that matters is the Love of Jesus which is louder then anything that can be done to you in this world. Jesus lives in your heart, and if you make room for Jesus there is no room for the pain you hold onto. Forgive others, and forgive yourself. Today before the day comes when you may not be able to. Apologize to those you’ve hurt, and pray for forgiveness, and that goes for yourself. Let Jesus heal you, and be the light taking you out of the darkness you’ve been in. Just let it go, and love.

To those who’ve wronged me, to those who’ve hurt me, and to myself who’s made a number of big mistakes, forgive today and don’t wait another day.

 

 

 

The Fear He Can Smell

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The Fear He Can Smell

The lion that stalks you in the darkest hours of the night. The storm that springs up from nowhere and tosses you around the sea. But how do you feel when life explodes all around you? The scent that emanates from the deepest parts of your heart when despair is all you know. The snake that slithers around, waiting and watching patiently for that scent to be strong. The Devil, much like the ParaDeomons from Justice League can smell fear. “Fear, they can smell it!” (Justice League) If we are to fight this spiritual war, we must first acknowledge something important, we must face our deepest fears. “You have to let it all go, Neo. Fear, doubt, and disbelief. Free your mind.” (Morpheus, Matrix) We cannot allow our fears, or our doubts to cloud the truth of Jesus Christ. So many people want concrete proof with their own eyes to believe in a higher power. We can’t give in to our own fears and doubts. We must find our courage to stand tall, and continue to carry on.

“The purpose is to experience fear. Fear in the face of certain death. To accept that fear, and maintain control of oneself and one’s crew. This is a quality expected in every Starfleet captain.” (Spock, Star Trek, 09) We will experience fear in our life. There are things we won’t be prepared to face, but the catch is we can turn to God for strength. God will never leave us to make it through on our own. Every day in our life is a test of some kind, and if we are to be the best Christians we can be, we have to learn how to face our fears, and to control them, not let them control us.

I can remember a few times when I was in Iraq I was scared. I remember the fear that would sweep over my body, and the question if I’d make it out alive or not would always creep into my mind. While my training allowed me to stay focused on the task at hand, I always reminded myself that if it was my time, God would take me home, and there wasn’t anything I could do about that. I became comfortable in the knowledge I may not make it home. When you get to the point where you’re comfortable with the idea of death, far less things will make you afraid. In my life today I find I am more fearless when it comes to myself, but when it comes to others fear still makes an appearance. I find now my biggest fears are that of abandonment, a fear of walking this journey alone without a companion. I think for me, this has been my weakness that the Devil has picked up on, and now uses as often as he can. My fear of being alone seems to be something I just haven’t been able to shake. As I watch friends get married, engaged, or have children, I now find myself longing for those things. My life hit a snag and the reset button was hit. Now I am starting over again, and the fear of tomorrows fate scares me. I know through my life as I’ve watched one love after another move on without me, now I’m left fearful of my fate. I do not desire to be alone, and my fear is that I have somehow deserved this fate. I know that my fear is strong in this area of my life. That fear trickles to other parts in my life. The lies whispered to me from the Devil playing on my insecurities my own self worth. I have always questioned my looks, my personality, and wondered why I’ve been alone so often. I have wondered why so many have left me, and while I realize I’m not perfect, I’m not in control of others and their own moral compass. My fears have plagued me for many years, and if I’m ever going to be happy with myself, and if I’m going to find that happiness while on my own, I must acknowledge my fears, and then learn to face them.

We all have fears, but the catch of living this life following Christ is not allowing that fear to dictate our actions. We must walk by faith, not sight. We must trust in the one who gives us our strength, our courage, and trust in the Lord and lean not unto our own understanding. We must believe that the turbulent waters are just temporary, and just around the river bend the calm straight is waiting for us. Do not fall for the lies the Devil will feed us. Fear is a liar, one designed to rob you from your happiness. I’m not talking about the fear that keeps you alive in the face of danger; I’m talking about the fear of moving forward. Trust in the Lord and believe that your salvation is the most important thing, and the rest, if part of the plan, and faithfulness will fall into place. We often want what we want, and if we live in the past, we are telling God you don’t trust him. You’re telling God you’re going to do it your way, and his timing isn’t good for you. Stop letting fear rule your emotions and your actions. Face your fears and come out on top. You are in control, not fear. God is with you always, and for that, there is nothing to fear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m Invincible

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I’m Invincible

Romans 8:31 “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?”

 Who am I, when someone asked me in the past I didn’t have an answer, but now I do. I’m a champion, I’m a soldier for the Lord. I’m invincible before the Lord. The Devil attacks and knocks me down, but I get back up. I have the power of the Holy Spirit in my corner and I can take whatever the Devil sends. The power of the Lord and King are on my side and with it, I’m unstoppable. The Devil will hit me but he can’t hurt me, because from this day forward I’m a fighter and I will stand my ground. My whole life I’ve been training for this moment, and in this time I will no longer take the punches, it’s about time I start to fight back. My whole life I have taken the punches and felt the pain and curled up and cried in my corner. From this time forward I will no longer feel the shame and I will wipe my eyes, and stand tall. I will be a champion for the Lord, and I will light the fires and send out the call.

We are soldiers for Christ and we are the front lines of the war against our very souls. What’s at stake is eternity. We must stand tall and fight for what we believe in, and the truth is something worth fighting for. We must buckle up as this world gets darker every day, and be ready for the fight to come. Will you feel the flame from the Holy Spirit and sit back with it, or will you stand tall and scream it from the highest mountaintops? Will you be a man of the cross and share the gospel with others or will you hide away from the world a coward? Stand tall and take the punches like a man, and be the champion.

Champion by: Carrie Underwood (feat. Ludacris)

The C is for the courage I possess through the drama
H is for the hurt but it’s all for the honor
A is for my attitude working through the patience
Money comes and goes so the M is for motivation
Gotta stay consistent, the P is to persevere
The I is for integrity, innovative career
The O is optimistic, open and never shut
And the N is necessary ’cause I’m never giving up

We are made in the fires of the Holy Spirit, forged to be strong, to withstand anything the Devil throws at us, so be the faithful soldiers of Christ and prepare your minds, your bodies, and your souls for the battles. To be a champion of Christ we must take scripture to heart, we must learn it, lean on it, allow it to fill our hearts, and when we are attacked, scripture is the only weapon we will need. Philippians 2:10-11 “10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” What more is needed in this life to live in peace? We must learn to be the ambassadors of the Lord. We must learn when to use diplomacy, and learn when to strike the Devil head on with the sword of truth. In this life we can be strong or we can be weak. We can be winners, or we can be losers. If you are to live in Christ you shouldn’t be focused on everything that goes wrong, but figure out what the attack is, and mount a counter attack. Every challenge is an opportunity to grow and learn, and teach, and preach the Gospel. The world will turn on you, and friends will abandon you, but in all things God is always with you. No matter the trials that comes this life is always going to be temporary, God is eternal. What side do you want to fight for, the winners or the ones that will forever live in torment? We faithful have already won the war, we just need to keep strong and spread the word from the front lines. This war to win the hearts and minds must continue with us. You will take every punch, every kick, every evil trick the Devil has, but you were made to win, you were made to stand tall, and you were made in the Glory of the Holy Spirit. God has created you and God doesn’t make mistakes. God has more faith in you then you’ll ever have of yourself, so stop doubting and get up and be a Champion. You can’t be beat so long as God’s on your side. Be invincible, be unshakable, be an immovable object, and laugh as the Devil tries and tries to break you, and with each stone thrown it just bounces right off you.

Do not be conformed to the lies this world will spread. Do not fall for the tricks of the Devil because for every soul brought to Christ their name echoes in the halls of Heaven. They are celebrated, as they will one day go home. The perseverance we will show will one day pay off as we walk into Heaven and we lay our gifts at the feet of our King and Savior. We were made for this, and we were born to win, so hold your head high, today and forever as a natural born winner. Fight for what you believe in, and know that to believe in Christ is to be the greatest winner on Earth. A Champion, a Soldier for Christ. With God in my corner I can’t loose, I can’t fail, and I will hold my hands high and I will forever be in the winner’s circle.

 

 

Light or Dark

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Light or Dark

The darkest night covers me and I need you

The sun fuels my heart and gives me warmth and strength. I need you then too.

Because of you I’m alive.

No matter where I am, or the season I’m in, my Lord I need you.

Who am I without you, I am no one.

The Lord of all knows my name.

 

The Lord who created in love not because of what I do, just because I am. I am a sinful man, but love saved me. Never because of what I’ve done, just because of what you are. No matter my of praise, or my day of prayer your grace comforts me. Today the flowers bloom, and tomorrow the ice shall come, but in all my day, and in all my ways I am yours. Because you are with me I shall not fear the night. The night was so dark without you, but your glory so bright the single ray of light when the sun peaks the horizon, the darkness breaks. Jesus Christ the pure light that would forever push the darkness away rose.

What do I have to offer the king of the universe, my heart, my everything, and yet I will never be worthy of the gift bestowed upon me. I can surrender all and even up to my life it would never cover the debt. But it is grace, and love my bill was covered by Christ. I was so loved before I was born that for me my sins and the sins of billions of others, a blood debt freely given, ransomed for my freedom of death. If my debt was paid when I’m knocked down, who then do I fight for? Christ got back up and his strength became my strength. I will get back up and continue to fight till my dying breath. I owe it to Christ to never give up and never surrender to the darkness.

God’s word has withstood the test of time, and even now as we can see the darkness covering the land, we will watch, as God’s will, will be done. Those who criticize the word and those who push to remove God’s presence from the public will one day stand in judgment. The light of the word may be pushed away but in time the raging tide will again be tamed by the Lord. God’s word will stand firm, and the darkness will be pushed back, snuffed out by the light. No matter how far we fall it’s never to late to change our course. We cannot stop praying, or hoping for God to save us. We cannot stop worshiping the Lord no matter if things are great, or if everything has been blown to a million pieces. Yesterday is gone and we don’t live there anymore. We must learn to say goodbye to the past, and live in today. The heart may have been broken yesterday, but every day we breath is a new day of growing, a new day of healing. We must tell ourselves every day that Jesus is still with us, and in his love we are healed. You cannot expect to have an answer for every tragedy that happens, and in our walk we must learn to focus on Jesus. This world is not the end, and one day the end will come on this life and the walls that kept us confined will be no more. This is not where we belong forever, and we can count on the promise made by Jesus to one day sit before the King and be accepted into the light. This life is but a fleeting speck of dust in the wind, and if we want to go home, know that this world will one day wash away.

Praise the Lord for success, and praise the Lord in failure. In every chance we get, both good and bad, fix your eyes on the one and only thing that will satisfy your heart and that’s Jesus. Life can be hard, and we are told to expect the trials that come, and the persecutions that come with following Christ, but “If you can take it, you can make it.” (Unbroken) I am a broken man, and I fail every day to live up to what God expects of me. I know I fail, and I know I fall, but I know that because of grace, and I know what true love means, I still stand here knowing God is with me. I know I have the power of the Holy Spirit with me and I’m called to be more. I’m called to push myself, and to stand toe to toe with the darkness. Every day I stand and pray to protect me from the attacks. Every day I praise my God for the blessings I have. I know I am protected and I know that for Jesus saves my soul every day. I know that every day I wake hope is here. Every day I see the hope all around me, and I know that it’ll be all right. I’ve experienced the darkness, and I’ve seen the light. I’ve felt the cold, but the warmth always triumphs. In every tear that falls God holds them. In every heart that breaks God feels our pain, and yet healing begins with Christ.

Light or dark, we decide where to stand. We can choose to stay in the darkness avoiding the light if we wish, but when it gets cold, or the demons come to creep, know the light will always accept you. You can choose to live in fear of the unknown, or you can choose to trust in Jesus and know that there is a brighter future waiting for you. You can choose to walk in the darkness, but no matter where you choose to walk, Jesus Christ is always there with you. If you choose to walk in the darkness, you have to expect to stub your toe on the furniture. Who then will you blame, God for not removing the obstacle, or yourself for not turning on the light? We as people will always learn more from hardships then a life of ease and calm rivers. If you are to be truly tested we must first be pushed to the limits to know what we are truly capable of. It’s in these times we need to turn to Christ more then ever, because we do not truly grow otherwise. We often pray for things we think are good for us, but we only see two feet ahead, but God sees a mile. We are but children clamoring around the house trying to place our finger in a light socket. God tries to warn us what not to do, but we are a stubborn people, and if we truly wish for a smoother ride we must learn to trust in the Lord and stop being so resistant to what we are told. God’s grace and love is unyielding, but our acceptance of it into our hearts is purely voluntary. Jesus loves you more then you know, and we should praise the Lord in all things, each and every day. Because our savior lives we must pray. We overcome by the power of His blood, and we are alive because he lives. Prayer is the absolute least we can do, and for the gift of life, shouldn’t we do at least that? We would be dead without Christ. Sin and shame would be all we are without the blood, and we’re alive because He lives. The light that would forever be the voice over the shadow, my life was and is held in His hands. So I pray to you Lord, thank you for my life, thank you for my pain, thank you for your love, and thank you for your gracious sacrifice for me. In your Holy Name, Amen.

Peace

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Peace

When I was in the middle of the worst storm of my life I was seen through by Jesus. When I felt like I was being tossed around at night unable to see I was being guided through safe and sound.

I have been in the storm more then once, each time was more dangerous then the next and even when all odds were against me to survive, Jesus was right there with me unwilling to let me die just yet. People often ask me how I can believe in such an old antiquated idea. I recently heard the bible called a ‘nice story’. For me the Bible isn’t just some story, it has historical fact behind it, and more then that the length of time in just the old testament alone would be long enough time that unless inspired by a higher power it’s unlikely those events occur as they did. The prophesy laid down throughout the old testament, and then the coming of the Star of David as fulfilling prophesy wouldn’t have been likely. Astronomy wasn’t exactly a big science back then. Jesus foretold events to come, but even if you claim those parts were made up, who dies protecting a lie? Eleven men, who walked with Jesus for three years would be hunted by the Romans, and other nation’s leaders as they would preach and proclaim the word of Jesus Christ. Each of their eye witness accounts were written and matched one another based on their own backgrounds and points of view. Each man would fall one by one pressured to recant their story, admit they stole the body of Jesus Christ, and out their co-conspirators, yet not one denounced the truth. Who dies horrible, painful, tortured deaths, for a lie?

While it has been 2000 years give or take since the death of Christ, the works of the miraculous haven’t stopped. Most miracles happen and only a small select few know about it, or even say anything, but once in a while the story gets out and raises the question of these events throughout history. One story, a little girl diagnosed with a non-curable disease within her digestive tract, one day this disease will kill her. She’s playing with her sisters on an old tree on their property. She falls into the tree 20 feet and after hours of rescue they are finally able to get her out. Miraculously she walks away with a small bump on the head, not even a concussion. Within days it appears her disease is gone, and her health returned to normal. She had been fighting the disease for over a year. She recounts her experience talking to God and asked if she wanted to go home with her parents. She returned healthy, uninjured.

If this one miracle weren’t enough to sway me, I’d have to look back over my own life. I have several stories from my own past that should have taken my life, but surprisingly I’m still here. 1990, I was on an indoor slide and while at the top I was pushed over the side falling and landing on my neck. The fall probably should have killed me, but I walked away just a little sore. If that weren’t enough to sway me, I would see another miracle on September 12th, 2004. My convoy would be ambushed and my truck and another truck were separated from the group and made to run the gauntlet. 12 RPG’s, countless IED’s, and a hundred or so insurgent soldiers all shooting small arms at two trucks alone on a path designed to trap them. With chance after chance though damage was done, and eventually catastrophic damage, but not before miraculously making back to safety before the truck died when my foot came off the gas. It wouldn’t start again for nearly 6 weeks. Through the whole ordeal I was calm, and while every one else was yelling, I felt safe, at ease, and it came over me like a wave. This wasn’t from any amount of training, this was pure warmth and divine. If that weren’t enough, December 22nd 2004 a 155 round should have exploded just feet from my truck and miraculously didn’t. Had it detonated it’s likely someone if not everyone in the truck would have died. If that weren’t enough I should have died when a bullet went through my shoulder years later. Almost bleeding out, I wasn’t expected to reach the hospital alive. By the grace of God, and a divine encounter I survived waking up in the ambulance to everyone’s surprise. I had lost so much blood I was gray, and with purple lips I shouldn’t have survived the trauma and blood loss. Yet, when I was unconscious I distinctly remember saying, “God I’m Sorry.” And in response a loud, thunderous, booming voice replied, “You’re forgiven.” It was like I was hit in the chest, a jolt of lightning went through me and I awoke in the ambulance. The thing is, they never used the paddles on me. I never flat lined even though I was close. My vitals though low, improved once I regained consciousness. I begged them to let me go, I wanted to go back, but that wasn’t the plan. I didn’t die that day, and since then I have begun this blog, and I have begun to minister to countless others as I now openly discuss my faith. I have had a hand in saving the life of a man thrown from his vehicle in a roll over accident, and I know I have helped others through some very tough times. None of this would have been possible if God wouldn’t have spared my life that late afternoon.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.” For years I would try to find my purpose, and I would feel lost, forsaken by the God that supposedly loved me. For years I would grow in anger and frustration as one bad thing after another happened to me. I would suffer my final loss with my ex wife’s affair finally tipping the scale and pushing me beyond the max of what I could take in my life, or so I thought. I blamed God for the wrongs from people. I had always claimed to have free will, but when it came to others doing wrong against me I wanted to blame God. I constantly felt like my troubles were the result of God being angry and spiteful towards me. I couldn’t have been more wrong. The truth was fear, but not my own fear, fear of the Devil. The Devil attacks those the most with whom he is most afraid. Imagine for a moment the fear he had of Jesus Christ. If Christ could be turned, tempted by the powers of the dark side of the force he would be a failure to God, and would rule as King of the world, but nothing more. Jesus would not be tempted time and time again by Satan, despite his best efforts. Satan knew his time to rule over a fallen world was coming to an end. Lucifer would fail to turn Christ and when Jesus defeated death and rose in fulfillment of the scripture, the only thing Satan would have left was the prevent the human souls from being saved by Christ’s sacrifice. The Devil prowls around now tempting and swaying mankind into hate and despair. The Devil’s desperate final play before the end to stick it to God one last time is preventing as many souls from Heaven as he can.

We live in this world and allow this world to tear us down, to break us in some instances, and yet, we forget the most important part of the story, Jesus already paid our price. All we have to do as easy as it is to say, is make it to the end of this roller coaster we’re on. Life isn’t going to be easy, but if salvation were easy everyone would do it. If giving up ones sinful nature, ones desire to remain in control over ones own life, then everyone could do it, and salvation would loose something. Salvation is a choice, and a choice we have to freely make. I am not a perfect man by any stretch of the imagination, but I know that Jesus loved me so much he gave his life for me. I know God has plans for me and even if I don’t know what they are, I have to have faith. Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” I have tried for many years to do things my way, to walk my own path, and every time I have tried, I’ve failed. I have run for many years from ministry because I always thought God was wrong. I was filled with so much pain and anger, how could I possibly help anyone else? The thing was, God doesn’t want perfection, he uses broken people all the time. Broken people are more real in their stories from what they were, to the healing power of the Holy Spirit. The true power of the grace of God is the redemption of the fallen, the rebuilding of the broken, and the finding of the souls that were once believed to be lost for all time. Through the grace of God anything is possible. The true blessings we have all because of God cannot be understated. While many will argue the nature of divinity, in my experience, seeing is believing.

Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” God knew exactly what he was doing when I was created. He knew my hardships, and he knew the man I would eventually become. It’s his grace that saved me, and his love that would deliver me from the brinks of death. A rare second chance and unlike many who fall back into old ways, I rose above, and though I’m just as boneheaded as I was back then, I strive to better myself. I try to grow in my faith every day and to be a light in such a dark world. If we are ambassadors for Jesus Christ I want to try to put my best foot forward. So long I’ve tried to stand out in the crowd. I’ve tried to make my name be remembered for doing something great. My own goals were not what God had in mind for me. Greatness doesn’t come how many people know you; it comes from the memories you leave behind to those who remember you. I will try to be the best man God wants me to be, and let history decide the rest. We must have faith in the plan, and let go of our own plans. When we allow the father to guide us it takes much of the pressure off on where to go, or what we have to do. We must fall on our faith that God will handle the details, and we just go where he leads us. Faith isn’t easy, but those who walk by faith, while life is no easier, often learn to take life more in stride then others.

We walk in this dark world, and if we are to find peace we must first find hope. How can someone continue to fight if they feel no hope? Where do we find our hope when the world falls down upon our heads? When the Apostils watched in horror as their Lord was nailed to a cross after being brutally beaten, they were crushed in spirit. They were utterly without hope, but after 3 days the blood debt was paid, the victory lap had been made, and Christ would rise and make himself seen fulfilling the prophesy and destroying deaths hold over the sinner for all eternity. What hope is there do you ask? While the living God is still on the throne there is always hope. Those who dwell in the dominion of Hell have been pushed back as the blood spilt bridged the gap from sin to God. Where we have hope in Christ we have light, and while there is light we will always have peace. The love of God that lights up the darkness is all we’ll ever need. A heavy price was paid, and we have the only thing that will ever matter, the love of the father.

The Raging Sea

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The Raging Sea

My Lord,

I have often questioned why the life I’ve lived had to be so hard. I’ve questioned why I lived through such troubles. My God I have looked to you for answers to questions that aren’t easy. I’ve asked questions that haven’t been answered, and as the raging storm continues, I try to remember the truth, the Living God is still in power.

The storm comes in, almost like it formed in an instant and struck the world with a ferocious appetite. The storm churns the water and bounces and raises the waves, taller then the boat, and crashes down and fills your lungs, it fills my lungs and makes me choke under the pounding water.

My Lord, as the sea rages down and the skies are black and loud, and no matter the waves, the falling down upon my head, I know that there is still hope, there is still joy to be had. In the storm I find peace in the knowledge that God is with me. Finding truth that I will be fine in the end. The storm can’t last forever, and I know that I will endure, I will remain kind to others, I will remain loving and spread that love in the storm.

Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” No matter if we are living through the worst hell on earth, or if we have everything we could ever want, we must learn to truth in the Lord, and be faithful servants of the Lord. We must learn to love our neighbors. We must learn to have our patience with people, and patience in our trials. We must understand that we should be faithful friends, and not just friends of convenience. Are we only friends when things are shiny, or are we there in the storm? In the last several months I’ve lost friend after friend because they don’t want to be surrounded by negative ‘vibes’ as they’ve put it. That tells me that they have no desire to watch or be apart of the struggles of someone else’s life, a fair weather friend. We aren’t faithful friends, we fall short and we let our brothers in need down. We show our ‘friends’ they can’t depend on us, and if we are not allowing our brothers and sisters to lean on us, we aren’t following the word of God. We do not exude patience in our lives, because if we only show our impatience no one wants to be around someone who lets their impatience shine through rather then love, and calm.

What if God was as faithful to you, as you are to him? The truth is, in the Storm, when we are in struggle, how do people view us? I have found that people have little patience for someone in struggle. I have found myself struggling to maintain my own patience in the storms. I have found myself falling short in the words of Galatians. However, I know that where I have not fallen short is my love for others. I maintain my hope for tomorrow, and I have maintained my support of my friends. I have given grace, and love to those who would do me harm. I have shown my self-control when all I wanted to do was scream and yell, and let loose. It’s not easy doing the right thing sometimes, but in that moment I do let my voice raise, I instantly feel badly about it. I have found that I cannot rest until I make a heartfelt apology. We will be judged by how we act in the storm more so then when it’s clear skies. We must show our witness as genuine, we must be kind and caring not just when the world is bright, but in all times.

In the world of darkness are we the lighthouse shining as exemplas to our friends who are in the storm? Are we willing to jump into the waters to help save our friends in need? I think of the rescue swimmers in the Coast Guard, willing to leave the safety of the helicopter and plunge into the icy waters. They jump from safety to risk it all for those in need. They put everything on the line to be the hope for someone afraid, someone alone in the waters in the middle of the worst storm they’ve ever seen. The rescue swimmers are there to be the hope, be the light because they can swim longer, be stronger, be the hope and light in the darkest of nights. When we need hope are we left alone in the waters by ourselves, or do we have loved ones jump in to be with us to help us through?

When the raging waters are crushing the people we care about, are we there to help them, or do we stay dry. I have heard people tell me they don’t want to be apart of the negativity, they don’t want the drama in their life so they stay away. As a Christian we aren’t taught to play it safe. We aren’t taught to stay on the sideline, to keep our feet dry. Matthew 14:28-33 “And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” 29 He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind,[d] he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”32 And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 33 And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” We know the storm will happen. Are faithful that we will remain afloat in the eyes of danger, or do we doubt and fall into the abyss? Where do you fall today? Are you a faithful Christian with hope and love in your heart, or are you sinking under the waves? Are you a friend who would jump in the icy waters to save someone you claim to care for, or are you going to stay in the warmth of the helicopter? When the storm is raging and you need a friend, no matter if your earthly friends are there or if they have abandoned you, remember that God will never leave or forsake you. The Lord is your Sheppard, and he will be all you need. You will lay in the meadow; he renews your strength and will guide you. You will walk through the valley, and no matter what, the Lord will be there and you will be in Gods amazing grace always.

No matter where you are we know that we can always turn to God. If we are weak in our walk we can grow strength by opening our heart to the Holy Spirit. If we are walking in darkness and we reject the Holy Spirit, it’s never too late to change that. If we are forsaking our friends and turning our back on them when they need us, shame on us for it. If we are the ones being forsaken, pray earnestly for them. WE as Christians need to pray for our loved ones, we must pray for our enemies, and in all things have faith and pray for the storms all around the world to dissipate. Pray for peace, and joy. Pray for those who struggle with loss, with sickness, with pain in their hearts. For just one moment try to look through the eyes of our Heavenly Father. Try to look upon those around you with the love and compassion of the Lord. Try to see beyond our own piece of the pie and give grace and love to others. Not everyone has the strength to be a rescue swimmer, but we can all be the lighthouse on the shore. We may not be able to jump into the fray, but we can still be a beacon of hope. We can still shine with the light of the Lord in our hearts, and at least show there is still hope to those lost at sea. When we are lost, when we are in pain, don’t we want that? Don’t we want someone to remind us we aren’t alone, and that one day the storm will subside?

My God,

You are the ultimate lighthouse in the storm. You are the hand to lift us out of the dark, icy waters, and you give us warmth. You hold us and protect us from the evil all around us. You showed us a better way, a way of peace and love, rather then hate and despair. I believe in you my risen King, Jesus who died for me. I believe the power of the blood saved me, and all. I know I shall one day pass beyond this world, and see the gates of paradise and although that day may not be today, I know that the rain will pass, and the sun will shine. I hurt, and in my pain, I know that you are sitting on this couch right next to me. My God I know so many in pain, so many who are hurting and need you. I pray they open their hearts to you, and that they will find peace in the unrelenting screams of the ocean. When I was in the waters all alone you came to me and you showed me this life isn’t the end. You showed me a better path out of the darkness, and for that, I cry, I weep for those who have not seen you. I cry for those who have not felt the warmth of your grace, your forgiveness, your love. The peace comes and calms the waves, and the sun shines again. My God thank you for your unyielding love and grace. I will never be worthy of such things, but nevertheless I have it. I pray for those whom I’ve lost, and those who’ve gone their own way. I pray for those whom I love deeply, may you guide and protect them in the dark woods in which they roam. You my God, you are my guide, and I shall follow you till the day I breathe my last. The living water that flows over me, and pushes away the clouds, I feel you today. Though it may be raining outside, and the storm might be raging inside, the light still shines, and one day, one day soon, the storm shall pass, as according to your will. In all things to your grace my Lord.

Amen

 

 

 

 

What I Gave Away

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What I Gave Away

All my life I wanted to be accepted by my friends. All my life I wanted to be liked by those around me. For whatever reason I have always had the need to fit in, I just never felt like I have. I spent the first part of my life being tortured in school being told I was ugly, that I looked like particular animals. I was laughed at for things that would happen to me, I was picked on for things that were traumatic in my home life, and no matter what I did I never found a way out. Eventually the teasing became physical. I was beat up after school, I was shoved around in school. I was given a swirley. My shoes were taken and thrown into urinals, and in the hallways my books where kicked around the hallways. When I liked a girl and people found out I was teased because she was so far out of my league everyone thought I was crazy. That’s when the mean tricks started. I was told that she actually thought I was cute and wanted to kiss me. Obviously they lied, and well, getting slapped across the face was a good clue I was lied to. Ever since then I have gone out of my way to get people to like me. Sadly, even as I got older and the place from which my actions came where honest and sincere, I would find that I was still not part of the ‘in’ crowd’. I would never truly be accepted, and I would find in time that I gave away parts of me that were my self esteem, my self worth, my heart, and my generosity would be taken advantage of time and time again. What I gave away was the best parts of me, just to all the wrong people.

To this day I haven’t quite found where I fit in. I feel like I’m a million miles from everyone in a crowded room. I feel like everyone’s moving all around me, talking to one another while I’m listening, watching, just entirely unsure of what to say. I never found how to interact with people. I never became someone anyone wanted to be around. I never found myself as accepted. I’ve always been a little different. I’ve always been a little nerdy. I’ve always been a little quirky, and sadly, it’s never gotten me anywhere. When I was in High School I often helped out as a counselor for my fellow classmates. I would give advice, and I would be an ear to listen, and in some cases I was a shoulder to cry on. Always a friend, never more, but on the rare occasion I was more, I wasn’t for long. I became the guy people would leave behind. When it came time to get married I never thought that I would be left behind again, but I was. I was cheated on, and lied to, and humiliated. I was displaced and forced to leave an entire country with nothing. I gave the best part of me and it was thrown away like used trash. Years later I would find myself loving another, and it seemed like that love was something special. After four years of marriage she would cheat, and again I was left wondering what I had done. I felt like I had given my everything and I felt as if I had been understanding, respectful, loving, caring, and yet it wasn’t good enough. I asked myself what I had done wrong? I blamed myself, and with all that anger, all that rage, I pointed it literally at myself. I poured every bit of blame into a tiny punch. The pain I felt was amplified by my anger at failure in my life. Every hurt I felt, every promise broken. Every loss I watched in front of me, death, and abandonment, all wrapped into the same moment. Years of abandonment, years of suffering, years of anger built up and at the center of it all I was the common denominator thus I was the one to blame. My value had been given to others to define. I allowed others to tell me if I was worth it or not. I gave away the very part of myself that is supposed to stay with you, knowing that you are a child of the one true King. You’ve been saved, changed and set free from bondage. Yet I would believe the lies I was told and I fell for the Devils schemes.

How do you come back from all of that? How do you change the years of behavior built into your personality? How do you rid yourself of years of heart, and conditioning? Sadly, I don’t have the answer for you. What I do have is a direction. You are a child of the Lord and the Lord doesn’t do anything by accident. You are not an accident. You are beautifully created for a purpose and we know that each of us has gifts, and a roll to play in the big picture. We all have our reason for being here and that we must trust in the big plan. We may experience the worst that humanity has to offer. We may undergo pain, and suffering on a regular basis, more then our fair share it seems, but perhaps we have suffered long for a reason. Maybe you can make the difference in a life.

Hard Love, By: Needtobreathe

Hold on tight a little longer
What don’t kill ya, makes ya stronger
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love
You can’t change without a fallout
It’s gon’ hurt, but don’t you slow down
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love

You know the situation can’t be right
And all you ever do is fight
But there’s a reason that the road is long
It takes some time to make your courage strong

 It’s not easy being an outcast, but at the foot of the cross we are all the same. When it comes to the cross the bullies who lived a cruel life will have to answer for that cruelty. We cannot let the world stain or harden our hearts. We must learn to give because we are pulled in our heart to do so. We must help because we want to. We must love live Christ loved. We must treat others fairly, and never loose sight of the love we were given that fateful day 2000 years ago. Christ sacrificed himself because of His love for us. We were never deserving of it, but we have it anyway. Those bullies in our lives don’t deserve it, but perhaps they are one step away from seeing the error of their ways and they turn around from the path they were on. We never know how our love and kindness will make an affect, and we must keep loving no matter how much it hurts. We can’t give up on this life. We cannot give up on our commandments, and once we realize that those who treated us that way cannot define who we are, then we may start to realize that power we gave away, we can actually take it back. For all those who’ve been bullied, and tortured, and beat up, and treated badly, you’re something special. You’ve endured hardships and yet you are still loving. Keep loving others, and keep giving, but more importantly, never stop loving yourself. Love others and help others because it’s the right thing to do. Do this knowing you will likely never get anything in return for it, and you may never see it come back to you, but we don’t love for the return, we love because it’s right. Stop giving away your value to others. Stop giving your happiness when others don’t deserve to have it. Psalm 146:3 “Put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help.” Scripture is clear about putting our trust in people. Isaiah 2:22 “Stop regarding man in whose nostrils is breath, for of what account is he?” God is faithful and never lies, never breaks a promise, and forever bares the truth. Numbers 23:19 “God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” The words of a man do not make them true. The cruel things someone says, even someone who claimed to love you isn’t necessarily the truth, so don’t allow the falsehoods spoken through a wicked tongue define you. It’s easier said then done of course, I myself haven’t gotten the hang of it, but the truth is the truth. Have faith in the word, and the word shall set you free.

 

 

 

 

Held by a Savior

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Held by a Savior

In the last year my followers have seen that I have experienced some significant hardships, but the thing is, we all do. It’s not about the hardships, it’s about how we survive them. Everyone experiences their own trials, and their own troubles. We all have our tears that pour from our faces, and we all experience pain that while others may be able to sympathize, or empathize with us, it’s our own pain and no one knows exactly what we feel. We all have our stories that can be either inspiration as what to do, or not to. What is it to be a man? What is it to be a woman? I believe the truth is in how we handle our pain and how we endure the cross. Do we endure with dignity that would make people proud, or do we allow our lives to fall apart and crumble beneath our feet?

It’s a fine line I think between falling down, and throwing everything away. It’s okay to not be okay. I think those who actively follow a path of self-destruction are those who throw away. I think those who follow that path forgot how to live life. Life isn’t easy and it was never promised to be. Living life is knowing we have our issues, and finding ways to live our lives by embracing them and using them for the betterment of others, or learning to overcome them. I have PTSD and I am finding how to help others with it. I didn’t get here without falling down. I didn’t get to where I am today without facing down the wrong side life. We fall down and we get back up. We fall down and we have a choice, do we learn to ask for help, or do we try it our way? I don’t mean help by way of friends, family or professional help. I mean God. We are always going to be stumbling through life. We are always going to have one crisis after another, and every time we stumble or fall, we have an opportunity to learn how to ask God for help. True healing, true redemption is through Christ. The blood spilt on Calvary’s cross that day broke the bondage of slaves to sin, for a life free and full of choice to live in the light of Christ, or the shadows of the Devil.

Bad things happen to everyone, but we can choose to overcome. PTSD doesn’t define me, anxiety doesn’t define me, and no matter how much it hurts my childhood, and my divorces don’t’ define me. I didn’t ask for this life of pain and suffering, but here we are. I’m not perfect and I’ve made plenty of mistakes. I have not always held my tongue when I should have. I haven’t always said the nicest of words to my loved ones, but I try hard to be a man God would be proud of. I know my Savior is Christ, and I know that in his blood my mistakes are washed clean. I know that I will fall and make mistakes, but I know in God’s eyes my mistakes aren’t going to condemn me forever. We as a people should learn not to judge so quickly. We should learn to see the mistakes and keep an open mind. We are all human and we all screw up. Instead of a life of judgment, of ridicule, open your heart with love, and see through the eyes beyond the cover.

We have so many blessing in our life and we often overlook them in our waking moments. The gift of life, the breath we take and the days we have are the biggest blessing we take for granted. The poorest of the poor in this nation often have far more then those of other poor nations. We have food, and shelter, and we have people in our lives that care for us. As for me, I have more money then I need, maybe not as much as I want, but needs and wants are very different. I have my dogs, my mother, and I have a warm bed to sleep in. I have my car, and I am debt free. I don’t struggle with bills, and I don’t have to worry where my next meal is coming from. I have friends that care about me, and are there for me when I need them. I know that no matter how dark the darkest day, how deep my pain runs, and I know that no matter how bruised and bettered I become, Jesus is still right there going through it all with me. Jesus is my faithful friend, and the Abba of all is by my side.

I know this year’s been hard, and that I have posted about a lot of hardships and pain, but isn’t that what life is? It’s not about the hardships we endure; it’s how we endure them. Pain comes and when it does we are expected to use the sandals and dig in and hold our ground. Expressing hardships isn’t a sign of weakness or even a sign of complaining (in some cases) it’s about how we can find our strength to persevere in Christ our Savior. We know some days will be great, and others will bring more pain then we think we can handle. We will see the peace of the meadow, and we will face the valley of death, but no matter what our day is, we know one thing is absolutely certain, Christ our Savior is always with us. Psalm 23 “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”

Remember one thing if nothing else; we are never alone and we never know when our testimony will save someone else. We never know whom we may meet, and how we may affect their life. Let me help you if I can, let me be there for you if you need it. My email is always open if you need to talk about God. We are called to lean on one another and help lift each other up. We are called to bare one another’s burdens and use our tongue to lift up and never to tear down. We always have the opportunity to help our neighbors and I promise you, you don’t have to look far to find someone in need of love. Our world is a fallen one, shrouded in sin and pain. It’s the love we are taught to give that is our hope. We are told to Love as Christ Loved us, and we are told to do this to all of our neighbors, not just the ones we like. We cannot surly do this on our own and we were never expected to. We are taught to turn to one another, turn to God. We know that without Christ we are nothing and without the grace of God we cannot surely do anything. I know that today, yesterday, and tomorrow I’ve always needed my Lord. I am not strong enough alone. I am not brave enough on my own. I know that I didn’t survive Iraq without God’s protecting hands. I know the literal circle of protection surrounding my truck that day was nothing short of a miracle. I know when I was shot that without God’s grace I surly would have died. I know that I have needed God and I always will. The Lord is my Sheppard, my strength, my savior, and I know when I cannot stand I fall on the Lord. Jesus is the only hope I will ever truly need, and as my needs arise, I trust the Lord will provide, and provide always.

 

Finding your center

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Finding your center

Sitting on the side of the ledge of the island looking at the sunrise, the waves glistening from the sunlight making the water look like diamonds. The breeze tropical, the smell of the salt, the few clouds occasionally making the sun playing peek-a-boo with the ground below, the only thing you can think about is how wonderful life is. While this can sometimes be an allusion, the fact remains, you must learn to find your center in any situation you may find yourself.

As a Veteran I’ve had to place a lot of energy into keeping the anger built up to be subdued, and while for me particularly angry out bursts are rare for some, it’s an everyday occurrence. It’s so important to learn how to keep yourself centered and grounded. The Bible tells us to Love our neighbors as ourselves. If we are to love, that means we much learn to love others as we are taught what love is, and that’s patient, kind, not boastful, it doesn’t keep score, it doesn’t boast, and if we can find that love for one another, we would be much more in tuned, and we would find that we can live more harmoniously with those around us.

Through prayer and meditation, we can accomplish so much. We can truly allow our bodies to heal better, and we can find ourselves having a better grasp on mental health then before. While this isn’t something that comes easily for everyone, it is something that just like practicing at any sport it takes time, energy, focus, and practice. Allow yourself to reconnect with yourself, and be kind to yourself, and your surroundings. Peace can be found with a little love in your heart.

While this is my last post from the beautiful state of Hawaii, I find myself both sad and excited. I have felt a rejuvenation deep down into my soul and I know I needed this trip. The Aloha (Love-Kindness) I have felt since I’ve been here has been so warm, and kind, and even a little unexpected. This is an island where there’s a lot of beauty, and awe, and love. Nearly everyone I met greets with a hug, some even from strangers a kiss on the cheek, and the generosity of the people from this island has been beyond amazing. The lessons for surfing and all the surf boards were donated time even as last minute as it was, just because of what CORE stands fore. The amazing things these guys are doing, helps us find something we’ve been missing, and sometimes lost. The Canoe lessons were also free, both times. This has defiantly had an impact on me, and I hope to find a way to pay it forward. God has placed me in paradise at a time in my life when I couldn’t have needed this more.

Finding your center 2

I’m able to close my eyes and see Diamond Head in the distance, across the water the giant peek springs from the ocean towards the sky. Its beauty is unmatched. I can only hope to keep that place in mind, and allow myself to reach back to the moments I gazed upon the stunning sight, and I am able to remember the ocean sounds and breeze, and find a sense of peace. Finding ones center, and reminding myself, there is still beauty in this world, even when we can’t see it.