Tag: struggles

Back To Life

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Back to life

The return to my normal life came back like a kick in the face. Less then 24 hours after my return I find myself right back in the war. My first appointment was supposed to be easy and straight forward and yet the VA’s propensity for failure is never without a small sense of irony.

While the appointment wasn’t a total loss, it was a quick reminder I’m no longer in paradise and I needed to be ready to pick up arms again and be ready for the impending fight.

When you return from a vacation, or in my case an intense clinic of physical and psychological exorcises designed to push, motivate, and rejuvenate your soul, it’s a challenge returning to life and watching as the difficulty continues.

It’s important to stay focused and realize that just because there are hiccups in the road doesn’t mean all is lost. I’m finding myself in a struggle to manage the emotional roller coaster, but as far as frustrations go, breaking out in chronic hives is high on my list. Breathing and trying to recall the serenity prayer is a big step for me to remaining focused on the big picture.

Weather Changes

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Weather Changes

The weather changes

And we go through phases

We strive for happy

But some thinks were sappy.

We never know what tomorrow may bring.

The gifts from above are never taken lightly.

We get and we get, but are we thankful for it?

We can’t see through the clouds, but the suns still there.

Hold your head high and believe in the sky.

We fight for those we love, we fight to protect the ones we love.

We can’t always have our way,

It’s sometimes hard to say.

We never know why, or how.

We need to always remember the vow.

Jesus loves us this is true.

Never give up, because this is true,

God will never give up on you.

Not okay

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Not okay

Just because I’m not okay doesn’t mean I won’t be. Many people go through hell on earth, but the struggle many people have isn’t the event, but the aftermath of support. For whatever reason people in our world no longer give any amount of time to heal. People no longer accept that it’s actually okay to not be okay. This isn’t saying it’s okay to get stuck in that pain, but as long as you’re moving forward in getting out of that season, it’s okay in the moment to hurt, it’s okay to feel the sting that’s left behind, and what’s needed the most is love, support, and a measure of hope.

2 Corinthians 2:7 “so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.” We are told to be there for our neighbors, to comfort them, to lift them up, and not tear down. Hebrews 10:24-25 “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” It seems as time goes on and the invention of social media, people have become far less concerned for their neighbors, their friends, even their family. People are no longer empathetic, or concerned with the well being of others.

I find as time continues on, we as a society have become less able to handle stress, less able to handle pain, and we’ve become far too sensitive. In the Book of Job, his friends didn’t sympathize, they didn’t show empathy, and they blamed him for his misfortune. His friends thought they were right, but God corrected that behavior. Job 42:7-8 7 It came about that after the Lord had spoken these words to Job, that the Lordsaid to Eliphaz the Temanite, “My wrath is kindled against you and against your two friends, for you have not spoken of Me what is right, as My servant Job has. 8 Now therefore, take for yourselves seven bulls and seven rams, and go to My servant Job, and offer up a burnt offering for yourselves, and My servant Job will pray for you. For I will accept him [and his prayer] so that I may not deal with you according to your folly, because you have not spoken of Me the thing that is right, as My servant Job has.” What is the message we are told over and over again in the Bible? Love, Love is the greatest of all things, and if we are not showing love to those in pain, to those who are in cheer, we are wrong. We cannot respond to sorrow with harshness, or anger. Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” It doesn’t matter if it’s your worst enemy, or if it’s your best friend, no matter how it is, everything you say should be to edify for Lord through you.

It’s okay to not be okay, it’s okay to have your bad days, to have your doubts, to struggle from time to time. It’s in our moments of struggle we need to raise our cries to the Lord. We cannot allow the world to beat us down so far we can’t get back up. It’s in that time we need to drop to our knees and pray vehemently.

 

 

True Lies

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True Lies

A lot of people have been telling me they know what I’m going through. People have been telling me they understand, and they are there for me. Here are the facts, I haven’t recovered, and I haven’t had as many people in my life that have made a difference that I’ve needed. Yes there’ve been a couple, but this is too big for just a small few who can’t be around as much as I’ve needed. I haven’t really been in a good place for some time now. The heart wants what the heart wants, and when it’s fractured it takes time, energy, and patience to heal. The experts say it takes time and it takes distraction, and a rediscovery of one’s self. While I can’t deny I’ve had some amazing things happen like my debt being paid off, I have a roof over my head, and I have a pair of great dogs.

When I get close to someone it seems like they always pull away from me. I’ve struggled wondering why everyone’s always run from me. People say they are always going to be there, till they aren’t. You’d think the more people have up and left, I’d be afraid to get attached. The fact is, it take a lot for me to get attached to someone, but when I do it’s stronger then perhaps even I’d care to admit.

The sun rises and falls and while others around me live their lives, it feels as if mine is standing still. The heart seems to be filled with broken glass, and every time I breathe I start to bleed. It seems like I haven’t made any progress. I wonder why I’ve been given the loosing hand and no matter how I try to change the dealer, I just can’t catch a break.

We may love, but what if we have to keep that love buried? What do we have left when that fleeting moments of loving someone is what we have? We know that we have the love of God, and we know that, that’s supposed to be enough. We know that it’s our flesh desires that get in the way of what’s truly important. While it’s hard to push the loneliness away the hardest part is being in limbo. Do you love the girl? Does she love you? What’s going on with the job? Standing still, the tomorrow so full of questions, so full of doubt. The truest of lies is the lie you tell everyone else, but the lie you tell yourself. The truth is you’re not okay. While many will try to tell you they understand, unless they’ve endured even a fraction of what you have, been in similar situations, that act of comfort seems hollow.

All we are left with is the feeling of helplessness, the occasional sensations of hopelessness, all we can do is muscle through them, and pray for the best. We have to have hope that God knows best. While the nights seem long the truth will set you free. Even the most devout Christians can suffer from depression, anxiety, and moments of hopelessness. It’s not about feeling low; it’s how you handle day to day. Everyone will have days they are down, or sometimes months, and even a bad year. Make sure that even when you’re having your bad days, you stay focused on Christ. It’s okay to have your bad days, just make sure that you keep fighting to move beyond the storm and find your peace.

Heart On Fire

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Heart On Fire

The word kismet is a strange word is it not? In simple forms it means destiny or fate. We know that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes the reasons are more important then we could ever realize. Sometimes we meet someone and it seems like they are cut from the very same cloth as ourselves. Just because two people may be from the same cloth, doesn’t mean the timing is right for those two people. One thing I’ve been thinking about looking back is what the bible says about timing. One thing I have grown to understand is patience in laying the foundation of something important to us. Galatians 6:9 “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”

I’ve been watching as the tobacco fields have been plucked and loaded on trucks and taken to the possessing facilities. This year the fields didn’t go so well. The crop had a ton of water early on, and then drought set in, and then cold nights hit early. When farming there is a measure of patience, and it’s something us non-farmers have a hard time with. My biggest struggle is patience when it comes to love or matters of the heart. I’m not one to get angry easily, and I’m not one to blow my top quickly, but when it comes to love I don’t always know how and when to take a step back. 1 Corinthians 13:4 “Charity suffereth long, [and] is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,”

We must learn to have patience, Romans 8:25 “But if we hope for that we see not, [then] do we with patience wait for [it].” While loving the girl might be easy, knowing she doesn’t feel the same way is a struggle. Knowing that there are reasons I have to force myself to accept the reasons given, even if I don’t understand. Love is a fickle thing. Sometimes love can be there but it’s just not the right time. Romans 12:12 “Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;”

 While my heart burns, longing for a special lady, the truth hits me between the eyes. What once looked like a matter of certainty, what if I was wrong? What if I didn’t see what was in front of me because I didn’t want too? Hopefully I can find it in myself to be patient, be understanding, and push forward. While I know parts of the truth, the important part is my presence is wanted even if it’s not how I would want. I think in life all we can do is take it one day at a time, and hope for the outcome we want. All we can do is pray, and pray that our prayers are answered. We never know what God has in store for us, and all we can do truly, is either complain about it, or face it head on.

While my prayers are that she comes to me when she’s ready, but if not, that someone will come into my life and I will once again have a happy family. In the mean time, I will continue to do what I feel God wants me to do, and hope for the best outcome. Who Knows, maybe I’ll enter the exciting career of vigilante.

 

 

Rediscover

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Rediscover

The song plays in the distance, Moon River by Melissa Benoist. I have a dream to cross over the rainbow to find my Oz. A journey of discovery to find who I’m meant to be, I walk a path that seems black and white and without color we aren’t truly alive. Over the rainbow lies a land of magic, of color, of wonders beyond our wildest imagination. How do I get there I wonder, how do I take the step, then the leap to see if I can fly? I find myself scared to do what is necessary. I struggle to think about what if I’m making a huge mistake? The butterfly’s in my stomach doing summersaults, and as I watch a part of my life close, I wonder how did all this happens, I’m left with no answers. Life was good, moving forward, and I liked where I was. It’s so difficult closing a book when it’s over. A book that caught you, that grabbed every bit of your essence, and knowing that it’s done, it’s hard to grasp the finality of what’s come to pass. It’s clear now, that where I’m meant to is not where I thought I’d be. My life changed in an instant and in a year I found myself fighting a duality. I feel as if I’ve been split into two people and I barely recognize either of them. The man I see in the mirror I don’t recognize. The family that never would be, the career that ended before it flew, the awards that now gather dust in a box, all for nothing.

I know I never followed the typical path, but now I question why. What is it about me that so much bad have happened in a single lifetime? I look down at the cross I wear on my finger. The words of the armor are the reminder to remain strong and to fight the urge to crumble. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, and the urge to cry comes. I don’t know what’s waitin’ round the bend for me, and I don’t know if I have a friend waiting for me. I feel like I’m falling apart. My resolve seems to be shaken, and now I question everything. Of course when the going gets tough the answers are found in only two places. 1. Scripture, 2. Godly counsel.

Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

 My Lord, you must think I’m strong because I feel like the weight of the world is crushing me. Where is the light at the end of these hard times? Where’s the grace when the world isn’t fair? Where’s the faith I need to stand strong in the raging storm?

Rediscover 3Looking back at the person I once was I liked who I was back then. I look back and see the strength to take on the world, to overcome anything that came, and I was. I was a happier person, I was full of joy, and life. Today I feel so removed from then. I feel like the scars have built up and now I don’t see who I was any longer. I survived a war and through that I felt more me then I do now. The suffering from combat left me looking at the person in the mirror and I saw someone new. Now I look into the mirror and I see so little of my old self-looking back. It looks like me, but broken, fogged over through the steam that covers the glass. I wipe away the dew on the glass and I see the mask looking back at me.

God, I am broken today. I feel lost and I feel broken. My God I ask for healing today, and could healing happen today? My Lord on high you’ve watched me fall, you’ve seen me cry, you’ve seen me bleed, so I ask you on this day, to stand here with me broken together. Help pick me up and guide me along the right path. I don’t know which way’s up, or which ways down, I’m lost at sea with no stars to guide me. My fairy tale has broken down and like Humpdy Dumpdy I thought maybe I couldn’t be put back together again. Today I fall to my knees and I pray and pray, and I know that there’s only one hope for me, God’s love and God’s healing grace. I know that in this trial I’ve been tested. As many have before I me, I lean upon the words of prophesy.

Revelation 2:10 “Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and for ten days you will have tribulation. Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.” God you’ve never left my side even in the storm, even as I faced death, you carried me back on wings of grace. You saved me for a purpose and even when I don’t know what that is, you do. You have given me a second chance to praise you in the storm, and no matter the waves that pound against me I won’t back down, I won’t stop fighting. My God my God, you have seen me through the war, you have seen me loose it all, you’ve seen me stumble, you’ve seen me fall, but today as I cry and feel like I can’t go on, I feel the strength come from above. As I sit and write I cry and the moment I start my dog lays her head in my lap. You use her to remind me you’re still there.

I am reminded that I need you Lord because the worlds to big. I stop and I listen, I quite my mind, and I reach down deep to hear your voice again. It’s with me always but sometimes I forget. Lord you cover me with the grace of your Angels, you protect me from harm, and you lift my soul. You rescue me from the Devil’s snare and one day you will call me home. While today is not that day, and nor was it yesterday or the times before, you have watched over me.

While I sit and seek tomorrow I pray the rainbow is bright. I see my wonderland and through the keyhole I ask if I seek, someday will I find, someone to watch over me. The future is a question we can’t be afraid of. We must grab life by the horns and must learn to leap so we may fly. While I’m not sure where I’m going, or what I’m doing, I know that I must take the leap of faith, and I know this journey will be one for me to rediscover who I am. Often when a chapter ends, or even the book the next phase is to relearn, rediscover who you are, or who you’re meant to be.

Rediscover 2

I Can Go The Distance

I have often dreamed of a far off place
Where a hero’s welcome would be waiting for me
Where the crowds would cheer, when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying this is where I’m meant to be

I’ll be there someday, I can go the distance
I will find my way if I can be strong
I know every mile would be worth my while
When I go the distance, I’ll be right where I belong

As I keep going in this life, I know I will one day find that welcome. I remain on the path, and one day I will finish the song.

I will search the world, I will face its harms
‘Till I find my hero’s welcome waiting in your arms

 

 

 

 

Jumping into the unknown

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Jumping into the unknown

 In a matter of weeks I will embark on an adventure all on my own. In the last year of my life I’ve suffered loss, and some joy along the way. While in every adventure there can be no growth without setbacks. While the journey is far from over it seems glimmers of light can now be seen at the end of a yearlong journey. The light I see at the end of the tunnel isn’t the headlamp of a fast approaching train. It’s finally come and while I know there will be future setbacks I’m prepared to face them head on.

In the last few weeks I’ve faced major opposition from the Veterans Administration and have had to point out gross negligence on their part. This battle has come at the cusp of my life finally being set on a particular track in a particular direction. This set back has minimized my ability to get my train up to full speed. Sadly while this causes undo stress, and might I point out needless stress, I will continue to try and face it with respect and dignity.

We may only get an opportunity once in a lifetime to leap. I’m not saying leap without looking, of course not, but sometime you need to take a leap of faith, and that leap may not always be with sight we understand. Sometimes we just don’t know what’s just around the bed, or just over the side of the next cliff. How can the eagles soar above the clouds if it doesn’t first take the leap? When we love we must first fall, a leap to let a part of ourselves go to allow for someone else to come in. When we love Jesus we must allow a part of our self to be burned away to make room for the light of the world. Loving another person is taking a chance. Rejection in life is always a possibility. Rejection from those whom we love is possibly the most hurtful thing we can ever endure. The fear of that rejection however, the fear of failure, cannot be the reason we don’t try. What if we allow ourselves to be ruled by our fear? What happens to our life, our happiness when we don’t allow ourselves to feel happy?

Genesis 2:18 “And the LORD God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” We aren’t meant to be in this world alone. We aren’t meant to take the journey solo. We are made to be creatures that desire and need others. While some people are loners and some may desire their solitude that’s not the general idea for the human race. We often hide away after we are hurt, but we cannot live in the cave we’ve built forever. Even when we are broken hearted we must allow the Lord to rebuild us, to help us heal. Psalms 34:18 “The LORD [is] nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” When the right person comes along falling in love will be effortless, it will be like slipping into a warm bath. It will be like being wrapped in joy itself. The euphoria that comes with the act of falling in love is spectacular.

Sometimes we are forced to move, forced to change and we must be ready to embrace that change. Sometimes we must take a leap of faith and the trust comes later. I was watching the “Man of Steel” and while Clark was debating on his decision, he talked with a priest. During that conversation Clark stated he wasn’t sure if he could trust mankind. The priest replied that sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and trust later. Sometimes we must take the deep breath and dive into the deep water. We may not find our gold right away but if we continue to seek, one day we shall find.

As I have no clue what my future has in store for me, I can only hope and pray my future is brighter then the past. While I have seen glimmers of hope, and perhaps even love in my future, I proceed cautiously. I’ve seen and felt hope before only to be destroyed by it. This time around I am more cautious then I was before. This time also, I’m in a much better position. My faith is strong and when I needed proof the answers were given to me. We only need to have faith, and we too can see the truth. While we may not always get what we want, we will be given what we need. We must learn to understand the wants and the needs, and to also understand the repercussions of decisions. Many of our hardships will be a result of our own choices and thus we must remember we always reap what we sew.

Tomorrow’s answers will come when tomorrow does. Worry not about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry for itself. If we spend all our time worrying about our possible failures, or our possible rejections, if we never take that chance, or the leap we will truly never fly. You can’t live life with training wheels on your bicycle so take them off, put on your big boy pants or your big girl panties, and be ready for the world as it comes. Just remember though, a leap of faith doesn’t mean jumping without a parachute. Try to have at least some slight idea so you don’t fall to your own doom. Take the idea, and have faith that God will help guide you to work out the details. Trust in the Lord with thine whole heart and lean not unto your own understanding, but have faith in the truth and the light, and your way, your path shall be lit for you.

Pretty Good

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Pretty Good

“Here’s my day so far: went to jail, lost the girl of my dreams and got my butt kicked pretty good. Still, things could be a lot worse. Oh, that’s right… I’m falling to my death. Guess they can’t. How did it all come to this? Well, my end starts at the beginning… The very beginning!” (Megamind)

So here’s my year so far, lost my wife, lost the greatest position at work ever, lost my house, but still things could be a lot worse, oh, that’s right, I’m still fighting the soul sucking VA and just took a major setback, so how does one carry on you ask? Let me tell you.

After 10 years of working with the Veteran Affairs Administration I have finally made some headway, but at the same time receiving a crushing blow. While I thought the claims I had submitted would have been a slam-dunk victory, never a surprise when dealing with the VA however. I wasn’t surprised at some of the actual claim items not coming back favorable, however I was surprised when they couldn’t even get the claim date correct. I submitted my intent to file which is binding on February 16th, yet the file date they went with was July 31st, which was the date of my temporary disability claim for my emergency surgery. This was because they didn’t actually look at the virtual claims, and made the decision without actually doing their job, this to me is nothing but negligence. Nothing new under the sun when it comes to the VA.

Years ago I placed a claim before I got out of the Army. There was an X-Ray done prior to discharge that showed the C-Spine straightening causing muscle spasms, and headaches. The military found the defect and yet chose later to deny any involvement of it. It would take me years to appeal the VA to overturn their decision and only after I would suffer a bulged disc. The time spent fighting the VA has been long, it’s been exhausting, and have taken more man hours I like to admit. Sadly this seems to be an epidemic

The lesson here is one of patience. The hard thing about dealing with a faceless enemy is you can’t see or touch. When you are fighting a war much like chess, it’s a game of patience. You cannot win the match by rushing forward. You must be patient and tactical. You must have the ability to adapt and overcome adversity. The lesson to be learned is a lot like Batman. A master tactician that learns from every encounter, adapts while on the run, and fights for what he truly believes. While there are obvious differences, the key is patience in the face of adversity, keeping ones head on task and staying focused.

The world is a funny, fickle place, where sometimes the most reasonable ideals are still foreign to others. The VA and it’s shinnanigans have been reeking havoc on veteran lives for years. While the VA does a lot of good for Veterans, when it comes to benefits and service connection, it seems the process is designed for the veteran to fail. The idea of our nations best being strung through the ringer and hung out to dry is sickening. No matter the struggles though remember God is with you. Never stop fighting because it gets hard. Always keep your eyes on the prize and stay focused. The road is rough, but it takes time to make your courage strong.

 

 

 

 

The Rugged Path

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The rugged path

A path we walk so deep into the wilderness. The stones piled high to block the traveler. Trucks and sticks, thistles and thorns, are but some of the dangers set upon the traveler. The nighttime brings the howls and the moon. What little chance does the traveler have against the predators of the dark to navigate the path with so many hazards? The traveler’s alone no partner or friend, no one to navigate, no one to bare the truths. The path at night is scary and brings a fright. The traveler walks and fear both good and evil takes hold. Fear can paralyze us, stop us from moving, fear when unchecked unmatched can bury us in our tracks. The path’s dangers are many, and we stub our toe, we scrape our knees, we take thorns to the face, but we keep driving on. Fear of death can push us to continue, and fear can keep us fighting if we only see right now. Of all the things we fear on the path, the internal battle is often more scary and more dangerous. What if we fail and we can’t figure out how to get back up? What if we are doomed to walk this earth alone because someone left us? What if loss is our fate and we will never be happy again? Fear can be manifest on our path, fear of all these things can present themselves as stumbling blocks, thorns, wolves, and darkness. The fear we have are lies from the deceiver himself. Some way, some how, we must learn to light up our path, and allow the light to reveal the secrets of the dark.

2 Corinthians 4:6 “It started when God said, “Light up the darkness!” and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful.” We must have faith in the Lord. We know that God lit up the darkness, and we know that we lived in darkness till we were saved by it. John 1:5 “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” Jesus Christ gave us the hope we didn’t have since the fall from Eden. We know that Abba (father) is kind and just. We know that Christ made the winds stop and the storm to pass. Isaiah 26:7-11 “Lord, you make the path smooth for good people; the road they travel is level. 8 We follow your will and put our hope in you; you are all that we desire. 9At night I long for you with all my heart; when you judge the earth and its people, they will all learn what justice is. 10 Even though you are kind to the wicked, they never learn to do what is right. Even here in a land of righteous people they still do wrong; they refuse to recognize your greatness. 11 Your enemies do not know that you will punish them. Lord, put them to shame and let them suffer; let them suffer the punishment you have prepared. Show them how much you love your people. “ We know that our fate was sealed but the innocent blood of Christ saved us. We know that now our fate is within our own power of free will. We know the power of God to shape our path is stronger then we could ever possibly hope to imagine. Isaiah 40:4 “Every valley shall be lifted up, and every mountain and hill be made low; the uneven ground shall become level, and the rough places a plain.” Light up the path, remove the stones, the thistles, the thorns, the trunks that would reach up and grab you and hold you down will withers and flatten out.

Having faith and letting go of the pain, the suffering within our heart, is hard, but we can overcome the darkness inside us if we work on it daily, practice it and telling ourself every day that we can put one foot in front of the other. Sometimes one foot in front of the other is all we can do. Every single day we must ask God to take that pain, take the traps on the path we walk and remove them from our hike through the world. Our faith is something we must continue to work on, every day we will find ourselves under attacked from the Devil’s lies, the Devil’s tricks, the Devil’s temptations, and we must allow ourselves to fight the fight with the help of God. We cannot fight the Devil alone and we will loose if we choose to get into the ring with Him and try to go one on one. We must always keep in mind we are nothing without God, we achieve nothing without the grace of God and we cannot make our way through the rugged terrain without the blessings God bestows upon us. This path we walk there will be bloodshed, there will be tears and no matter how the path gets us down, allow God to pick you back up always, and you will see that even in the hardships you will feel the grace of God.

 

 

 

 

Finding my Black Canary

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Finding my Black Canary

Do many of you often wonder where you other half is? As I have often wondered what the next step in my life may be, I question the range of relationships. While I’ve wondered why the women I have loved have decided to move on with their lives and leave the life built behind them, I consistently struggle with the reason for this particular path. While the why isn’t the focus here the focus is how do we move forward? Sometimes we love and loose, how do we begin to fix our broken hearts?

Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 147: 3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

Romans 8:39 “nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

1 John 4:10 “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

 When we are down and broken we know that the Lord is with us and our crushed spirits. We can only rely on the spirit to pick us back up. The Lord starts to heal us the instant the stab to our heart happens. Just because wrongs are done, and they may be done by us, or to us, neither wrong can separate us from the Lord. Jesus is hand in hand with us no matter what. The God above, the creator of heaven and earth, forgives our sins and it is the love of God that give us strength. We are nothing without God, and without God’s grace. Everything we have is a gift. Either God gives us our gifts, or sends us along our path. Either God sends us our pain, or allows our pain to happen. No matter what the case may be, all things happen with the blessing of God. God only allows us to travel a path as long as He deems fit. Sin will only be tolerated in our lives for so long before we will be punished by our Father. How long will we blatantly Sin in our lives before we realize we are wrong and fix it?

Psalm 71:20 “You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again.” No matter how far we fall, no matter how deeply we hurt, God will lift us up again and help us heal. We aren’t meant to be alone. Isaiah 43:2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” No matter our situation we shouldn’t allow ourselves to become overwhelmed. We need to learn to let go of our sorrows and allow the Lord to take care of them. We must endure our crucibles to survive them. We must learn that our gifts will far outweigh our pain and suffering.

For me I believed I had found my Black Canary to my Green Arrow. I believed I had found the woman who completed me. I never wanted anyone else. I felt in my days like I was missing something, like I needed friends to complete what I perceived as missing. The fact was I wasn’t truly looking for friends the truth was I was still dealing with the ramifications of multiple posttraumatic events in my life. Loosing the woman I loved, the woman I would have done anything for and fought to give anything I could. There were many reasons she left, most of which I don’t know, and even to this day don’t understand. However, as broken as I am, I feel badly for her. As I pray one day she may remember the spark that led us together to start with, allow us to rekindle what was damaged. Anything is possible if you believe in Christ. While I have struggled with my ability to move on I have to have faith in the unknown. I believe that no matter the time that goes by if two people are meant to be together life will somehow draw them back together. Love is undying, love is forever, but everything is in God’s time. Some day I will find my woman in a mask to match my own. One day I will find a woman who will don the mask and put on the jacket. I will keep the faith as all of you out there have lived through loss and divorce. Divorce doesn’t have to be the end. Trust in the Lord and in Him your future will be, as the sun shall rise. We must learn patience and in that patience trust that in God’s time someone will come into your life. Remember to put God first, and always. Believe in the Lord and don’t forget to pray. I myself struggle with the patience of such things. Even with that struggle I pray and know that prayer is important in our daily relationship with the Lord our Father. 1 John 5:14-15 “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” Have trust in our prayers being heard for Abba is with us always.