Tag: struggles

God is Good

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God is Good

This seems like such an easy message, but so few truly understand just how impactful it can be, God is good, and God is good all the time. I have been down and from the deepest pits of despair I have know that God is still there. I may not have always been on speaking terms with God for my own selfish, lost reasons, but God as Abba (Father), has never turned His Holy back on me. When we are upset and angry with God it’s us that walks away. We are children who storm off and slam the door to our rooms. I was an angry person for so long I ran from God. We would fight constantly. I felt like I was being taken out to the whipping shed so often I couldn’t sit down anymore. What I couldn’t understand was it wasn’t God, God wasn’t the source of my pain, the Devil was.

It’s easy to feel like you’re alone, but the truth is we are never alone. Romans 8:28 ESV“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” We know that no matter what we are going through God is there. Psalm 31:19 ESV“Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind!”

Living life with depression isn’t easy. Living life with severe depression can be debilitating. Knowing God is there is sometimes the only hope people have that suffer from depression is trusting God is still there. I’ve spent time laid up in my bed and the only thought that’s gotten me up is knowing that I need to post a blog entry, or homework, or to go to church. Knowing these things are to bring glory to God is often the only thing that gets me moving. I can’t imagine how people who believe in nothing find anything hopeful when things in life don’t go very well. Worse, when people suffer traumas and if not one, or three, or even five traumas later if they believe in nothing, how they manage to keep moving forward is something I will never understand. Psalm 145:9 ESV“The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.” Knowing everything the light touches, and everything it doesn’t is all under the mercy of God is such a warm thought. Knowing that everything in my heart is touched by God, and every sorrow I feel Jesus Christ felt and took it for me. Knowing that the love of Jesus Christ is what lights up the darkness. The darkness that covers those with true horrors in their life is lit up by the grace of God.

Sometimes in life when you need to fix something, you have to make a mess before you build it back up and make it pretty. The human heart, and the psyche are sometimes the same way. In trauma therapy you often need to talk about the worst things in your life you you’ve ever experienced, and you talk about it some more, and then some more, and each time it feels like the wounds are fresh, just as painful as the first day it happened. Going over the events, and talking about them, and talking about the emotions in a particular way is how we slowly start to clean up the mess. Knowing that God is there keeping you safe, keeping me safe, has been a comfort. Knowing I am broken to pieces right now, is only a temporary thing because I know that one day God will use me to help others and bring precious glory to His holy name. Trusting in the Lord and that He has plans for me keeps me fighting and moving forward. Even when I don’t think much of myself, I know that the Lord loves me. Jesus Christ died for me, and I know that one day I will leave this broken life behind, and I will go home to where I truly belong, and why, is because God is good all the time. God is Love, God is Grace, God is Joy, and God uses broken things just like me. If God can use a broken man like myself to spread the Gospel, God can use anyone to show others hope and joy, and faith that tomorrow will be better because this life is only temporary. We have work to do in this world, and we can’t let the Devil win. We must hold strong, and never give up. If God never gives up on us, we can’t give up on ourselves either, and we certainly can’t give up on God. We are never alone.

Patience, What’s That

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Patience, What’s That?

To me it seems like Christmas morning, even though Christmas isn’t for another 124 days. For me one of the most exciting days a year is when I bring home a new Lego set. Until now, I’ve never done a project as big as the one I’m about to embark on, and          I’ve never ordered such a set online either. All day I’ve been watching the window for the FedEx truck, and as the day turns to evening I find my patients is slowly waning. The problem with patience is it’s supposed to be more resilient then what I’ve been displaying today. How often do we pray for something from God, and then after a few days, maybe even a few weeks, and when we don’t get what we’ve asked for, we get frustrated with God? Be honest, I think we’ve all been there. We are a fast food, fast passed kind of people, and we expect God to be able to keep up with our life style. Once in a while we need a swift kick in the you know where, to be reminded of what God’s love and grace truly are.

Genesis 29:20“So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed only a few days to him because of the love he had for her.”We’ll start with this one because it touches home for me. One area my patience isn’t as solid as I’d like, or that I even put much effort into is waiting for God to send me a lovely lady. Of course I realize it’s God’s time, and it’s about what’s best for me, but when it comes to desires of the heart, it’s hard to maintain a positive attitude. I find patience is a subjective thing. As I have recently started a sizable Lego project many people have told me they would not have the patience for such a project. I find that strange because for me I don’t feel it’s about patience, I find it relaxing. An issue with patience for me aside waiting for that particular Lego set to arrive, is traffic. I have a big, huge problem with waiting in traffic. Some of that of course is the PTSD related to Iraq. The thing about patience is it comes differently for everyone. We all have our strengths, and we all have our weaknesses. It’s in those weaknesses we reach for the Father, and we are given the strength to push through. Romans 8:25-26“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. 26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.”

Be sure whatever you’re waiting for, it doesn’t replace God in your life. My Lego set I had been waiting for, for days arrived five minutes prior for me to leave for church. I had waited all day, and when it did arrive I found I was more disappointed. I was barely able to take it out of the shipping box to see it with my own eyes before I had to set it aside and leave for church. Comments were made at church about how appreciated it was that I was there considering the circumstances. (Everyone knows about my love of Lego) This was God’s way of validating my decision to set aside myself for church. That time of worship is important. For me when I sit in traffic, I find (only recently) that’s a good time to have a chat with God. Whatever you find yourself having trouble with go to God with those struggles. Every situation we find ourselves in is an opportunity to praise Jesus and take away a personal lesson, or to spiritually grow. Life isn’t about staying away from situations you don’t like, it’s about being able to deal with them in a Godly way. I could sit in traffic, and I could honk my horn, and swear up a storm, but when people look at me, I wouldn’t be setting a good Christian example. What kind of example are you setting for those around you? People look to you as a Christian, and by the way you represent yourself when things are great, and when things aren’t, people believe how you act is the example for Christians themselves. It’s not an easy thing having that kind of responsibility, but that’s part of carrying your cross. Take a breath, and handle whatever it is you’re dealing with, with grace.

 

 

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It’s a wonderful thing to be able to share the blessings and teachings of Christ with all of you. For those who read my works in Christ, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Recently I came across an amazing home business based in Travel and Entertainment that’s the real deal. The savings found through this business are amazing. If you shop online, like to go to movies, or travel, this gift card for you can save you up to 50%. Please enjoy your gift as a symbol of my appreciation and gratitude. God Bless.

God’s Will, My Will, Who’s Will

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God’s Will, My Will, Who’s Will

 Psalm 143:10 “Teach me to do Your will, For You are my God; Your Spirit is good. Lead me in the land of uprightness.” I have been questioning my purpose in life, and it has been years that I’ve been floundering in my career. As time pushed on I never quite found my flow, found my comfort. I spent years unwilling to leave my career because it was part of my comfort zone. Eventually God would force me to leave my career and follow a new path. I can remember growing up being in love with the church. As I grew I had felt some urges to work in the church but the older I got the further I wanted to be from working. I never stopped longing to go to church just didn’t think ministry was right for me. I ran from the idea for years and years.

When I think of everything I’ve gone through I can’t help but think of the song ‘Where My Heart Will Take Me’. I have walked a long journey, and as I’ve walked through the fire and the rain, I have always kept the faith that one day I would find where I belonged. I knew my strength came from my God and that God loved me no matter what everyone else said, or even those who doubted me. I can remember when I first decided to join the Army there were many who laughed at me. I was just some skinny kid, and many thought I’d fail. I was a weird kid and the vegetarian and most thought I’d fail in the first week. I not only made it my first week but after nearly dying from MRSA I bounced back and completed my 20K ruck march. I watched as I overcame all odds and managed to do something so many doubted. I was the smallest guy in my unit and even the Drill Sergeants didn’t think I would make it. Above the doubts I wanted to prove to myself I could do it. For the next 3 ½ years I would find myself achieving things I never dreamed I would. From combat to marriage, to moving out on my own I would come to find I was more independent I ever dreamed of being.

As tragedy would strike my life I would struggle to pick myself up. Instead of turning to God and giving my struggles and my trials to the Lord who could fix my heart, I hid it away and never faced them again. I thought I was doing just find handling my life well enough. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe and know Christ, I had failed in my prayer life and failed to understand the true nature of being a follower of Christ. My whole life I had questioned why I was being made to go through so much pain. I have struggled often wondering why I wasn’t good enough to be happy. I struggled with wondering why no one wanted me, and why I would loose so many people I cared for. The thing was I was always asking why me, and my suffering was about me. I never once thought to rejoice at my struggles. I never once thought to ask how my struggles could be used to glorify God. I never once thought to praise God even in my darkest hours. Instead I was always asking God why me, and what I had done wrong to deserve it. I always made it about me, and no matter how low I got I couldn’t see past me. I wasn’t narcissistic, nor was I entirely responsible for my own sufferings, but I can see now how those things while at the time were horrible and traumatic, but today they have given me a point of authority to preach on the subject.

I can’t say I fully understand everything, but I can say one day I hope to understand more then I do now. In my journey I now realize how much of a foolish young man I was. I was bitter and angry for so long I look back over my life and while I was never the cruel type, or cold or distant, for the most part I was always as loving as I could be. That was until something bad happened and then I shut down. See, for me the problem was facing the hurt, and instead of facing it I buried it deep down hid it away and never let it come out. I was dealing with it in my own will, and not God’s will. I need a swift kick in my stubborn butt, but instead I trudged along in my own way unwilling to see the bigger picture. See my whole life was missing out on an opportunity to minister God’s word in all the situations and countries I would find myself. Instead God took a back seat in my life and only when I needed something did I turn to God to get me out of the mess I was in.

Today’s picture of me is much different. Today the first place I turn when something happens is God. Today the first thing is tell God how perfect and gracious the Lord is. I thank God for an opportunity to learn from whatever lesson I’m being plagued with. I have learned to let my will fall to the side, and follow God’s will. I have allowed myself to be in charge for too long and I’ve found that I can either accept the lesson to be learned and not stress as much, or try to do it my way and hate life. So when dealing with any situation in life it’s important to praise God good or bad, and have trust and faith that He’s in control. For ever tear we cry, every laugh from our belly’s, every step we take Jesus is by our side and we must have faith that we aren’t alone during any of it. God so loved us that he gave his only so anyone that followed him shall not die, but would have eternal life. John 3:16 (paraphrase)We don’t know why so much bad happens other then we live in a fallen sinful world, where greed, selfishness, and hate are a plague upon humanity. We must choose the path of righteousness, the path of love that we are taught through Jesus Christ. This path isn’t one I ever thought I would be on, but as a surprise to me, those closest to me found little shock in it, as they saw my path to ministry as no longer plausible, but likely. All those years I spent telling God was I wasn’t going to do, what I should have been saying to God was what do you want me to do and then ‘Yes Sir’. Even though I walked my own path and I avoided God’s calling for me like the plague, the truth is, I wouldn’t be prepared for this path had it not been for where I was. My path was full of pain and turmoil, but even with the trials I shall face on this new road, I can rejoice in them because I now know and understand how to give the glory to God. Something I once said with my ex wife, ‘I don’t like you right now, but I love you.’ I believe this sentiment is true with God also. We don’t always like God’s plan, but we still have to follow it. We may not always like God at the moment, but when you think about it, that sentiment could be true of God with us. Imagine how patient God is, a Parent watching over His children who are stupid, arrogant, selfish, kind, soft, loving people all at once. We walk our paths, we turn our backs, and yet even when we are disciplined we are still loved greater then our wildest imaginations. Stay the course and make sure God’s path is your path.

 

Side Note:

During the writing of this post I was hit, blind sided with a message from someone I had befriended for a few weeks now, and while I wouldn’t have assumed anything was wrong out of the blue I get a message saying they were sorry but couldn’t talk to me anymore. That was it. I may not know what the purpose was, but I know it hurts. Regardless of how it made me feel the first thing I did was prayed. I took a step back and though my feelings were hurt, I cannot change anything, and I have no control over the situation, so all I can do is pray to the one with the power Jesus Christ, and offer myself to take this and figure out how to use this to glorify God, even if that means just taking my pain to the big guy up stairs.

 

 

What Do You See?

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What Do You See?

My God I sit here on my bed tonight and I ask what do you see in me? You’ve given me so much, and yet the flesh of this body betrays me. The scars that burn inside and out with regret and self-pity. The scars that burn as a reminder of what I’ve lost, where I’ve been, and hopefully where I’m going. Weeks like this week when the Devil’s been on the attack, wearing me down, I look to you my Lord, my Father, and I pray because I know I can’t do it on my own. The dark side of me has come bubbling up from the deep dark crevices in which it slumbers. I would go so far as to call it self pity, but days like today I feel the struggle longing for that special someone to spend time with. I know You are preparing me for something great, and I know my path is perfect for your plan, but today I feel my strength is not where I know it should be. Psalm 91:4“4 He shall cover you with His feathers, And under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and [a]buckler.” I look to the sky and pray your grace be sufficient for me. 2 Corinthians 12:9“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

I sit here and write what’s on my heart, and I wonder what it is you see in me. I wonder why this message has been laid on my heart. I wonder if someone else feels the way I do tonight. I know it’s wrong, but I envy much, and I ask for forgiveness of my sin. I see so many with smiles and loved ones on their arm. I see so many posting and planning for new babies. It feels so unfair that I’ve tried so long and here I’m made to wait. It feels like you’ve gone away but I know that’s not true. I can’t see the purpose but I have faith in you, and not in my own sight. I reach to the sky and call out your name, and I ask please show me a sign.

I know that in this life we have our ups and downs, and we just have to ride the roller coaster and trust we know where you’re leading our train. This week I feel as if I were taken down back behind the woodshed and received a beating. One thing I’ve learned is you can only go so far down before the ride goes back up. And when I get a beating like this it means I’m doing something right for the glory of the Father. I can only sit and ride out the rough patch, but have faith. It’s a fool who only celebrates the good times. It’s a fool who only wants to hear ‘positive vibes’. We do not live our life in a bubble. We do not live our lives in hibernation during the rainy season of our lives. What we need to do is train our minds to see how our struggles can be turned into blessings. While this is far from easy, we are told not to worry about tomorrow. We are told in scripture to focus on today, the here and now. So, in light of what scripture tells me, I shall leave you with this short message. Go out there and feel the grass. Hug your children, kiss your significant other, and enjoy the day. Go forth today no matter what your situation is and find a few things you can be thankful for. Thank God for answered prayers, and also those that have been turned down, and those yet unanswered. Have faith, and never give up hope on our Father.

 

 

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It’s a wonderful thing to be able to share the blessings and teachings of Christ with all of you. For those who read my works in Christ, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Recently I came across an amazing home business based in Travel and Entertainment that’s the real deal. The savings found through this business are amazing. If you shop online, like to go to movies, or travel, this gift card for you can save you up to 50%. Please enjoy your gift as a symbol of my appreciation and gratitude. God Bless.

The Life

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The Life

All my life I was bullied. I was teased, picked on, and even beat up. From being pushed in the halls, to the locker room. From my books being taken, and swirleys being given. From being punched or even my things being stolen, I would endure day after day, time after time. Growing up I wasn’t the biggest person in school. Growing up I wasn’t the smartest, or the fastest. Growing up I was average for most areas of my life. Perhaps looks which I was teased a lot about was slightly below average, but no matter what others thought, I was made by God just the way he wanted me. Faith for me has always been apart of my life. I wish I could say that it was faith that carried me through, and maybe on some level it was, but I cannot stand here and say I came through stronger for it. On the contrary, although I made it through, I came out with scars. My whole life I’ve been self conscious, and I’ve had a low self esteem. I never held my achievements in high esteem because I never felt they mattered. I argued with God every night about the life I was given, and why. I argued every night that He wouldn’t deliver me from my hell. I remember one night I was 10 years old and I had recently had surgery. There were complications and unexpected physiological changes, which caused tremendous amounts of pain. I cried harder that night then I think I had any other time in my life. The pain was unbearable and as I laid next to the toilet I begged God to just kill me already. I prayed for deliverance from this life because I knew God hated me, and I was being punished. At 10 years old I had endured so much emotional pain, and physical pain, and if that was all by the age of 10 what would my life be? I knew I didn’t want to be a punching bag my whole life. I was at a cross roads and I didn’t know where to turn.

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Not long after that surgery I returned to school where I would befriend a classmate. He was always quiet and reserved, but our friendship didn’t come of our own doing. No, it would come as a compromise to a problem we faced in class. We both wanted to do our report on Abraham Lincoln so our teacher proposed we do the report together. Agreeing to her terms, we set out to do the best report we could, and after a weekend at his house I foresaw a great friendship rise. All these years later me and him are still friends, and in fact after living with them on and off for 6 years, we became brothers. Had it not been for that relationship, at that time in my life, I cannot say where I’d be now. Looking back I realized God had answered my prayer, He just didn’t do it in a way I thought he would. The weeks turned to months, and then years, and now looking back 24 years later at everything I’ve endured, I have learned one simple truth. God does not choose the strongest, or the smartest, he chooses those he knows will endure the test of time. Look at the Apostle Paul for instance. Here’s a man that hated the Christians. He persecuted them, and in his hatred and rage hunted them and in some cases executed them. Christians knew his name and were in fear of him. I think we all have our own Damascus road. Paul was chosen I feel for many reasons. First was his unique citizenship, he was both Jewish, and a Roman citizen. He knew scripture front and back, and he came with a high education, and authority. Of all these things, Paul would be able to use his past to preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He would be made to endure hardships beyond our dreams. He would face physical and emotional pain the rest of his life. God didn’t choose him to stand up to the Romans and fight an army. God chose him to build a legacy. God knew Paul could faithfully endure and in those hardships he showed as an example of how to live in Christ. His teaching changed the face of the Church forever, and even though he would be tortured and eventually murdered he shows us how much a man can take in the name of the Lord.

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When the bad things happen, trauma, death, sickness, economic hardships, we often ask the same question, “Why Me?” The bigger questions, is why not you? I know this doesn’t sound fair, but give me a moment, and I’ll explain. First, bad things happen for a few reasons, either A: Your own choices caused it to happen. B: Someone else close to you caused it to happen. C: God allowed something to happen. No matter the reason, it happened, and we have a choice on how much the why will bother us. We can ask God for an answer but if I have learned anything it’s the answer may not present itself for years or in some cases decades down the road.

We cannot expect an answer because if life is the test, what kind of test would it be if the professor gave you the answers? Sometimes we need to learn things for ourselves, and we have to do the one thing that’s stated over and over in scripture, and that’s to have faith. Growing up through so many hardships I know my faith was on rocky ground. I know for a long time I was angry with God for allowing me to go through so much pain and suffering. I was so furious that for many years I barely spoke to God. He became the estranged father and even though I was angry and we didn’t speak, I always knew he was still there. God let me be angry, but never left my side, and never stepped letting me know He was still there. When I moved in with my Grandpa life had turned around for me. School was good for the first time in forever, and even dating started for me. Life wouldn’t be without it’s ups and downs, but for the first time in as far back as I could remember I was genuinely happy.

As the years would move forward I would find myself going through horrible situations, but I never asked God why. It would be years before I would beg God for release and when he said no, and this time I heard him, I knew the power and grace of God. I finally got it, and would understand the purpose. I have spoke in depth about the process of sword making, and I have realized that even though I wasn’t the strongest physically, or even the smartest, I would have one quality that God wanted. I would be able to shoulder the responsibility and walk with Christ. I could carry my cross and preach and teach the Gospel, but only because all those years of suffering, of pushing through, I was being trained. Everyone has divine gifts but no matter what they are they must be used and practiced. We must put forth effort in order to have these gifts grow and become useful for God. The things I endured I would be able to look back and see how I can now use it to preach the Gospel. One thing I’ve learned is God waists nothing. Every hardship we face God can turn into a blessing for us to use to Glorify His name. God wants those who can fight the good fight and will shoulder the cross. Often times those who have been broken will be the ones to be remade in Christ and set forth as soldiers. If you think about it, it makes sense that if someone’s lived off the silver spoon and never had to work for anything; on what authority do they have to speak of hardships? Those who struggle and have made it through have experience on their sides. We can share our testimony and people can relate to hardships.

Psalm 118:6-9“The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? The Lord is on my side as my helper; I shall look in triumph on those who hate me. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes.” Trusting in the Lord isn’t easy, and it takes a lot of work, but the rewards for that trust are beyond our imagining. I realize now that each and every one of my horrible things has been preparing me and guiding me down where I would be able to use those horrible things in my life to help others. Romans 8:28“28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” For all things God is working out the plan. I never would have dreamed my experiences as a child would be so useful as an adult, but now with my direction as a crisis chaplain I will undoubtedly encounter small children and I can put myself in their shoes. Have faith that just because you don’t know the reason today, doesn’t mean you’ll never know it. Trust in God’s big picture, and you will do just fine. Change your perspective from the negative to finding something positive. Remember your brain is like your body, if you put bad stuff in, that’s what you’re going to get out of it. If you put good stuff in you’ll be positive and healthier. Changing your focus isn’t easy but with hard work and practice you’ll do just fine. God Bless.

 

 

Sufficient

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Sufficient

The morning sun rises, and never can we know for sure what fate will bring. The pain that can infiltrate our hearts in the blink of an eye is very real. It doesn’t matter how good the day, one thing can change it all. We all have pain, and we all have sorrow, and I know that in my time of need, that when I’m not strong there’s one place I can turn, Jesus Christ. I know that I need his grace because my own is nothing. I know that in my pain and my drop in faith, I know that in my weakness there is strength. I know that I can call on my Father above and I can lean on Him. No matter what problems I have, I know that Christ is sufficient in all of my needs. 2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” Weeks such as these, this is the verse I recite in my head. We all have them, and it doesn’t matter how faithful you are, we are human, and the Devil is always on the prowl. All we can do is put our faith in the Lord. We must go to the Lord on bended knee and rise up our sorrows, rise up in our weaknesses, and allow the Lord to make us strong. Live can be hard, and it can be unfair, and heartbreaking, but in each of these the Lord is making something beautiful. We must trust and have faith. No matter how many times we are hurt, or beaten down, no matter how many struggles we face, the great and love of the Lord will always triumph over all things.

We always want more as people. I’m single, but I want more. I don’t have a hiking pack, but I want one. I want a hiking tent, and other toys and gadgets. There’s always just one more thing to add to the shopping cart, or the wish list. What about things that aren’t stuff? When we look to our significant others, people we claim to love, are we wishing for the ‘just one more’ things? Going through two divorces both from affairs, I often asked myself what I was missing. I asked what the other person had that I didn’t have. I blamed myself over and over for their actions. I’m not perfect, and now coming up on two years with no forward momentum in my romantic life, I have found myself asking the question, ‘what’s wrong with me?’ As I have been battling with depression for some time now, it’s a constant battle to stay focused on what’s important. One of the hardest things we as people have to do is be patient. For me, patience on God with a romantic relationship, and a career has been the most difficult. I’m not a personality type that likes being alone, so for me these last two years have been trial by fire.

No matter what your ‘thing’ is that you desire, we must always remember that though we will want things, we must never want them more then the Lord. We must stay away from idol worship which is anything we put as more important than God, and that includes ourselves. In my walk with the Lord I am constantly asking for my path to be made clear in my relationship life, and I’m constantly asking for understanding of the plan ahead of me. It’s not easy being in a situation that causes discomfort, but looking back at the Apostil Paul and everything he endured for the Church, I cannot honestly say my loneliness, or desire to find a new place to live outweighs what he endured. So I pray that God’s grace is sufficient for me, and I continue to explore options for my life as I follow in Christ. Above all the relationship with Jesus Christ always has to come first, even when it’s not easy.

 

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It’s a wonderful thing to be able to share the blessings and teachings of Christ with all of you. For those who read my works in Christ, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Recently I came across an amazing home business based in Travel and Entertainment that’s the real deal. The savings found through this business are amazing. If you shop online, like to go to movies, or travel, this gift card for you can save you up to 50%. Please enjoy your gift as a symbol of my appreciation and gratitude. God Bless.

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http://hangout.paid2save.com/

http://vacation.p2stravel.com/

I a Disciple of Christ

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I a Disciple of Christ:

I a preacher and disciple of Christ call to you believer and non-believers.  You all have suffered long but I give you a message of hope. You grow weary from trial after trial. I give you hope in the storm. The storms will always remain but now I give you the light that shines through every darkness, brings hope to the hopeless, restores faith to the faithless, and heals the sick. John 14:6“6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” Even when 100 things are going wrong the hope will always remain. Do not forget what gives us the blessings of eternal life. The blood shed of Christ to fulfill the trinity that’s always been, down to the ground covering all of the earth in righteous grace forgiving us of our eternal sin.

You are not saved in chance, for you are saved with glorious grace. It brings our Lord joy for you to receive mercy. Jesus came not to be served but to serve, so shall we serve others before ourselves. Who are you? Do you know who you are, and can you tell others what defines you? Do others see you by the content of your heart, or do they see the hypocrisy that runs rampant in the streets? In God you will be strengthened and made sharp in the fires experienced here in this life. Walk by faith and don’t loose hope in the marathon. Run with endurance with trust in the Father as we look to the cross to be our finish line. Remember to fight the fight but do not loose sight of what it is your fighting for. It will never be the troubles you face that are the true fight, but the temptations and attacks of the Devil trying to break you. If God blesses your heart and sealed His graces, let no Devil, no demon, no man, crack the bonds made. No troubles shall break you or sink your ship. Always remember your why and the Lord will smooth your travels. The trials will be many, but that shall never remove your salvation or grace.

The Lord is a merciful God, and a loving God, but never tempt God. Never worship idols in place of God, and never lift anything higher lest you sin unknowingly. The love of money, and of possessions shall never bring you peace. The days of works shall never bring you salvation. The laws never will you keep though you shall surly try. Bring yourself humbly on bended knee to the Lord, and sing praises. I come to you a follower of the Lord, saved in my sins, forgiven of my trespasses, led by the spirit to bring you the good news shared to me. The long awaited messiah from the days of old came and spilt blood for all. We no longer live in darkness, and we shall not suffer long. The one way to peace is through our Lord Jesus Christ. Do not grow weary along the way for we remember the verses of Kings. Psalms 23“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2  He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.[a] 3 He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness[b] for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,[c] I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely[d] goodness and mercy[e] shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell[f] in the house of the Lord forever.[g]”

My biggest hope is in your travels you don’t loose sight of why we travel. I do not want you to loose sight of what it is we’re fighting for, and why. It’s so easy to get caught up in the day to day, the routine, but after a while we forget to live by the message. While I was watching the Book of Eli recently it kept with the message that Paul was telling the people of Ephesus, do not loose sight of the mission.

The Book Of ELI

Solara: I didn’t think you’d ever give up the book, I thought it was too important to you

Eli: It was, I was carrying and reading it everyday, got so caught up in protecting it, I forgot to live by what I’d learnt from it

Solara: And what’s that?

Eli: To do more for others than you do for yourself

In the Book of Revelation we see Ephesus applauded for their great works, but in the end, they lost sight of their first love. I believe this is referring to, you fought, but over time you forgot why you were fighting. We must be cautious in our walk that it’s not just sitting in the pew on Sunday, saying the prayers, singing the songs, but that it’s about allowing the word to invoke the Holy Spirit within us, renewing our flame for Christ and encouraging us to carry on fighting for our Lord. The spiritual battles wage on every day and night, and we are caught in the middle. We are soldiers on the front line and we must understand what’s at stake. Christ is destined to win the war, but nothing is written about you and I. We fight on the front line and we choose what side to fight for. There will be casualties along the way. We must pray with our might, give thanks to God for each and every one of our blessings, and always ask for guidance. When we become weary of the race, we see reminder in Ephesians 6:18-20“18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, 19 and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.” We as Christians must remember to wear our chains as a badge of honor. As Paul’s wordplay is not lost here, the Greek word used means a prisoner’s shackles, however, during that time ambassadors wore a gold adornment around the neck and wrists as a symbol of riches, power, and dignity of the government for which they represented. Paul I believe is speaking of course that he is in prison and he wears his shackles with pride as he’s in prison because of his teaching of Christ. He’s proud and through the entire walk with the Lord and everything he endured in the name of Christ, he found peace in the end that he writes to Timothy. 2 Timothy 4:7“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” Will you keep the faith in all you do? Will you remember what it is you’re fighting for? If you’re not fighting for the Lord, you may need to adjust your focus.

 

 

You Wanna Know How I Got These Scars?

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You Wanna Know How I Got These Scars?

Have you ever looked in the mirror and noticed the scars you have? I have scars I see every day when I look in the mirror. My body is covered with scars from years of unfortunate accidents, injuries, and just a result of a rough life. I don’t just see the physical scars in the mirror but the emotional ones also. I was told recently that the traumas and trials I’ve faced are enough for maybe 3 peoples lifetimes. I had never really thought about it like that before. All I think about is how horrible it’s been sometimes, if I think about them at all. One of the things I was very good at was not dealing with my emotional pain. I tried to bury it and run away forgetting where I put it. Sadly, when it comes to grief and pain, you can’t outrun it. What you bury will come back to haunt you, and it’s usually pretty angry when it does. I recently wrote a blog post talking about running from grief. https://thearrowpreacher.wordpress.com/2018/05/29/man-on-the-run/ I won’t be rehashing an old topic. Instead in this post, I’ll be discussing how to use those scars to your advantage.

In 34 ish years I’ve seen a lot of things, and I’ve been to a lot of places. I’ve seen the world from the 3rdworldview, and I’ve seen the world from a luxury hotel downtown Chicago. No matter where I’ve gone one thing has been certain, the Holy Spirit has been right there with me the whole time. From the age of a little kid I have felt the Holy Spirit with me. I have moved through life feeling the Holy Spirit, yet running from an obvious calling within my life. Most of my life I have felt as if something were missing. I have felt a sense of lacking and never quite feeling useful. I have lacked purpose in my life. I thought my purpose was to be a good friend, a good husband, but although in my biased opinion, I am a good friend, and I am a good husband, or more accurately was a good husband, I now realize something new. For each scar I have a story. Each story is a chance to reach out to someone in need. Purpose will always be, where God is sending you. Today, I sit here thinking about each one of my scars mental and physical, and I have slowly started to realize what the purpose after all these years may have been.

When I think back to a man with scars I am reminded of the Apostle Paul. He suffered a great deal of physical torment throughout his ministry. Through the book of Acts you see Paul’s struggles. You see him get beaten, shipwrecked, stoned, hunted, imprisoned, and yet as he talks about how far he’s come. Galatians 6:17“17 From now on let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.” I for one cannot imagine the pain he must have been in every day. In a time where most serious injuries would likely cripple or kill someone, he managed to keep going despite his injuries. It wasn’t as if they could go to the nearest CVS or Walmart and get Tylenol. Not being able to set broken bones, or take anti inflammatory, or even penicillin must have made healing very difficult. Here’s a man that literally took beatings and  torture for God, never once throwing up his hands and saying, ‘Nope, I made it all up, Jesus was a nobody.’ Even till Paul’s dying day, scars and all, he maintained his position that Jesus Christ was the Son of God, the truth the way the light. His scars were his testimony and what a testimony he had! I have spent a lifetime wondering why I’ve been through so much. I’ve often sat in the dark, yelling to God to answer my questions. After 34 years I may have finally gotten the answer I have been waiting for.

When you pick up your cross you will find persecution. In persecutions you will find both physical and emotional scars are part of the journey. Scars are sometimes badges of honor when we are a blessing to Jesus. Our scars are a reminder of where we’ve been, and a lesion learned no matter what caused the scar. Sometimes a scar is gained by playing with friends. Sometimes a scar is from someone doing unspeakable things to you. No matter where your scars are from, either good or bad, we can always take away some kind of lesson. I’ve seen many people after a trauma turn cold and bitter towards the people around them. I can’t say I’m innocent either. I have become angry when I’ve been hurt. I’ve seen people destroy lives, destroy families after suffering from loss. We will always have scars, but as a sword in the fire, we will either become brittle and break, or become strong and sharp. True courage is to face the pain, and face the troubled waters with honor and dignity and above all else, faith that God will use that pain for good, not for more suffering.

I have scars from surgeries, everything from knee, to hernia, to tonsillectomy, to cervical spine fusion, and more. I have emotional scars from death, from relationships, from war, and much more. When I look in the mirror I see a man who’s endured much, and yet I still stand. I face the world with hope, and with agape (love) in my heart for those around me. Even as I was going through a horrible divorce with my ex wife, and while there were things said and done that were beyond awful, I stood by her side and endured the pain and hardships. Now after all that time, we are talking, we spend time together, and we have a pretty amazing friendship. All the pain that was endured has allowed me to be there for her, now when she needs it. Living with Christ in your heart, loving deeply and not just what this world considers love anymore, is not an easy venture but God is watching and he will bless you for it. Pain is a hard thing to be stuck with, especially if you don’t know why, and you don’t know what to do with it. But I say to you, there is hope, and there is purpose. You will have to turn to God with love and prayer, and surrender in your heart. You will have to allow God to hold you up, and you will have to surrender over a piece of your self. Jesus Christ can heal your heart if you let Him. Jesus is always with you, and you just need to ask, and accept that without Christ we are nothing, but with Christ we are royalty to paradise. We are all soldiers, and with our scars of battle, we choose to surrender to the Devil, or fight for the throne in Heaven.

I was thinking back to an old post I wrote, and an old Sermon by Dr. David Chambers of my church. Why was our savior brought into this world as a baby? It was so that he would grow, and live among us, so we could relate to Him on a deep intimate level. His life had pain, and losses, and poverty, just like many of us. He survived the baby massacre, and then lost his Dad Joseph early in his life. He would grow to preach and teach God’s word, and when the time came he was tortured horribly, to just an inch of his life, and then he carried a heavy tree for a few miles, just to be placed on that tree and hung for all the world to see. Christ suffered horribly for each and every one of us, so we may one day live to live in eternal salvation. “Living is not for the weak.” (Arrow)It takes great courage to live with pain. It takes courage to find a path where you can use your pain for good rather then evil. How many stories have you seen or heard that started off with the villain saying ‘I was done wrong, so I’m going to make them pay.’ Or something along those lines anyway. Emotional pain is a strong motivator and it can cause good people to do awful things. Every one of us is capable of great things, or completely evil things. When we use our pain to heal from the truth written on those pages in scripture, then we are on the path to enlightenment.

Under the right situations your pain and suffering may be used to inspire and help others. I for one am starting to realize that all my life has been training. All the hardships I’ve faced and it being mostly traumatic incidences has given me the unique perspective to understand the nature of that kind of pain. I understand the pain of loosing a loved one to divorce. I’ve lost people in my life before, but my marriage this time was one of the hardest. The unfortunate event that occurred the day I found out my wife was leaving would forever be a day of great tragedy for me. That fateful day I succumbed to the pain and suffering that I spent so much effort running from. I’m ashamed of myself, and I still have a hard time believing it was me that day, but I have the scar to show for it. Today when I think back at my scars, I think now, how can I help others? How can I help prevent what happened to me, happen to anyone else? As I have been looking into my future since my security job imploded I have been led to believe ministry is my true calling. For years I looked at the ministry to be for someone much smarter, much braver, and much more people friendly. God uses the most unlikely of people sometimes to do His work. I have heard from many in ministry about running from their calling and how miserable their life was the whole time. Ministry is perhaps one of the hardest things to do, with some of the most stress in any job. Ministry comes with some of the most emotional drain out there, but people are genuinely happier, despite the level of stress that comes with.

I realized my traumas have been preparing me to help others get through theirs. Through most of my incidences I didn’t have a therapist, or a chaplain there to help me through. I was left to navigate the minefield, and as it became more and more dense with each passing trauma, I was bound to step on a landmine. When I finally stepped on one, and I ended up in the hospital, I was faced with a fundamental change in my life. It was the beginning of the end of a path I had been on for 7 years of a career, and 32 years of my life. Through it wasn’t easy for me to face facts, eventually, that closure would come from God as my job in security would end abruptly and with finality. I know many of you have endured great pain and suffering, and you can’t see any reason why you were made to suffer. First off let me say that there are a lot of reasons we are hurt. Sin is the most likely for most. Health is next in line. Then lastly personal choice to make bad decisions causes many of our struggles. No matter what flavor of pain you have, know that it is up to you to find a scriptural purpose for it. I have decided that my vast knowledge of all kinds of different pain and trauma makes Christian Crisis Counseling a perfect job for me. I can use my pain and suffering to inspire and guide others through their crucibles. I have chosen to embrace my pain instead of running from it. I have chosen to use my pain instead of burying it. If I can use my experience to help God’s people, it would be a sin not to.

I have run from God’s calling into ministry my whole life, and there’s always been something missing. I’ve always struggled with depression, and even though I’m not perfect and sometimes I still have my bad days, I am driven to continue my growth in the Lord. I pray to God to continue to show me my path, and to give me grace and mercy along the way. I fully expect the Devil to try and break me down during my journey, and any journey towards chaplaincy or pastoral ministry is going to fall under attack by the Devil. If we are going to follow in Christ we must live differently, so we can show others a different way to live. We must be productive in our faith, and not squander our experiences. I think of the things a father teaches a son. A father teaches their child how to treat others, how to be a responsible person, and how to love. They teach them how to do things around the house, how to hunt, and fish, and throw a baseball. But more importantly a Christian father will teach their kids, rather train their kids to be in Christ. I didn’t have a father growing up and I missed out on a lot of important lesions and experiences, but now I look to my Heavenly father for guidance and love, and approval. I have hidden behind my scars for so long, now I have to learn to embrace them and use them to help others. It won’t be an easy road, and I suspect there will be days when I will feel the weight of my decisions, but as Paul said to Timothy, I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. I too shall join that fight in ministry as I start my path to chaplaincy, and God willing maybe more.

There are days when my scars hurt, but I know God won’t ever leave me, He won’t ever forsake me, and I know now, my scars were not in vein. We must learn to see beyond our own pain, and trust that in all things we go through God is working it out so we may find peace, not sorrow. We live in a fallen world so pain and trials will come, but we don’t have to let it destroy us. I challenge each and every one of you to go out there and find your purpose in Gods plan. It’s likely your scars are for a purpose and that you can use them for good. Your scars can give you strength and understanding in areas perhaps others cannot. I challenge you to stop running from God and embrace your gifts and your life experiences. Pass on what you have learned, and remember failure is the greatest teacher you will ever have. Use your failures to help others see. Never give up on yourself because Christ wont’ ever give up on you.

 

 

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Left Behind

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Left Behind:

I look to the heavens and I pray to you. I fall to my knees in desperation hoping for something to change. I have looked around and I have felt like I have been left behind while everyone else moves forward. I have been waiting and today I just don’t feel like I can keep moving forward. When I look in the mirror today I struggle to see what you do. My God please show me the way, please help me see what you do. Today I look in the mirror and I see a shattered reflection.

Feeling like everyone else has moved forward in their lives while I am left behind. Feeling like I’m invisible and that my feelings don’t matter. Of course these feelings are spiritual warfare at it’s best. Many before me have faced challenging times, and many before me have lost more then I could imagine, and yet here I am feeling sorry for myself. Alas I long for the feeling of being useful and feeling wanted, yet I struggle in my own understanding of my trials. 2 Corinthians 12:10 “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” The days come when we stumble as I have, and when my faith isn’t as strong as I wish it to be, but where there is weakness, there is hope. I have seen the darkness creep in and I have chosen not to flee. Even as I feel my hope dwindle beneath the pressure of lies, my soul is warmed by the voice of light from above. Isaiah 41:10“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

My God, my God I trust in you, but I feel sorrow and pain. So many have left, and so few remain. My God I feel alone and lost in desperation. I don’t know where to go, and I don’t know where to turn. I’ve tried to many ways, and failed so many times. My Lord I feel blind traveling the maze. Please light my path and guide my feet. Show me a sign and answer my prayer. I’ve waited so long, how long must I be made to wait. What must I learn, or do to prepare? My God you are Holy and I am not, and I ask you now, please deliver me from my suffering. I have been left behind and alone I sit. I’m not weak though today I don’t feel strong. Please show me who I am, and tell me my quality. I trust you my God and you’ve never forsaken me. Through my deepest valleys you’ve protected me along the way. Now I fight a new kind of war, and it’s one for my darkest emotions.

Psalm 43:5“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” I resist the pain and the lies from below. I stand on my armor and hold fast in the attack. I shall pray upon you my God and renew my strength. Isaiah 40:31“but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” The world may leave me behind, but I trust you my God, you will always be with me.

 

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Setbacks

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Setbacks

“Make a plan, execute the plan, expect the plan to go off the rails, throw away the plan”(Captain Cold)The path we follow and the plans we lay, one brick at a time on that yellow brick road, can only go so far so long as God wants us to follow that path. I don’t know what to say exactly except Captain Cold was a wise, wise man. I have laid the foundation to walk and expecting I knew my plan, but God had other plans. While I can’t say I understand, because Lord knows I don’t, I now have to throw away the old plan, and begin the research for a new one. I can’t say with any level of honesty I’m not hurt by recent events. Although that new job started off rough, it was just starting to smooth out, and I was excited for the prospects that by the end of the year I’d be able to follow through with my home buying goals. Now, I must figure out a new plan, and hope I am able to remain positive.

I’m not trying to make excuses but I find this kind of set back frustrating. Largely I am annoyed because I just can’t seem to go 10 feet without being knocked back 6. I have given my all to the Lord, and I am preaching and teaching every chance I get. I’m not engaging in reckless behaviors. I’m going to church regularly, and yet I just can’t seem to get to a point where I am in the life I have always dreamt of. I know that God has a plan for me, and my faith tells me to be strong, but the personality type doesn’t do well without closure, without answers. I am a logical planner and I need to know the why when something fails because without the why I don’t know what it is I’m to learn. I have struggled in the past with my faith and trusting in the Lord to lead me out of the struggle. I’ve never stopped believing in God, but I won’t lie, God and me haven’t always seen eye to eye. Obviously I have never won any arguments. I feel a little like Bruce trying to figure out why I keep rolling snake eyes, getting the worst of the luck, and having plan after plan fail in front of me. The future is as blurry to me now as it ever has been. All I can do now is dry my eyes, tighten my boots, and get ready to start a new trek.

Isaiah 35:8“A highway will be there, a roadway, And it will be called the Highway of Holiness The unclean will not travel on it, But it will be for him who walks that way, And fools will not wander on it.” Even though I wander, and I don’t know my path, I trust in my God. That does not take away the pain, but it means I can keep going. I feel like anyone else, and I have my questions, and sometimes I question God, but He’s always understanding. 2 Corinthians 5:7“7 for we walk by faith, not by sight.”  Though I don’t know my direction I walk strong and tall. I’ve got pain by my Lord heals my wounds. I walk in the darkness and I cannot see my way, but I feel the warmth of Jesus as the light guides my way. I don’t know where I am, and I don’t know where I’m going, but I know my way home. My savior promised a paradise waiting for me one day. I believe I am saved in the blood of Christ, and I know that no matter where my steps take me, one day I’ll reach that golden finish line. Isaiah 43:2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you.”

Today I don’t feel strong. Today I don’t feel courageous, so my God give me faith. My God give me courage. My God show me the way so I may walk without fear. My God today I feel alone, and today I am lost, so my God my God please stay with me tonight. I feel broken, and I don’t know where to turn. I have walked through the valley, and I have pain coming from every direction, and I feel as if the whole world is standing against me today. My God you protect me when I face my battles. My God your love is pure light, and my God I need faith to trust in you tonight. I feel the storm it’s all around. I know you have the power to calm the waters, to be fear for the storm, and you could make it all go away. My God can you stay with me, I will lift my hands, I will praise you, I will worship you. Tonight I’m on my knees and my tears flow to the ground, and I need you with me today.

If you feel like me, and the world is just heavy, take a moment to step back and pray. Every day we need to remember that attacks will come and if not towards us, then those whom we care for. We must remain vigilant and keep the word in our hearts. The world is designed to break us, to tear us down, and pull us away from Christ.  “Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.”  (Alfred, Batman Begins)We will have setbacks in our life, and we will fall. We will encounter struggles we never imagined, and we will face a world we don’t recognize. Our true strength doesn’t come from our own determination, but from the Lord above. Our true purpose is to Love our God and to do the works God would have us do. “Whatever you do, remember that. You’re going to make a difference. A lot of times it won’t be huge, it won’t be visible even. But it will matter just the same. Don’t do it for praise or money, that’s what I want to tell you. Do it because it needs to be done. Do it to make your world better.” (Ed Brubaker, Gotham Central, Book One: In the Line of Duty) Every day you wake is a new day to get out there an make a difference. Quitting is letting the Devil win, so keep pushing, keep moving, keep fighting, and don’t ever doubt who’s in your corner.