Tag: Spiritual warfare

A Mirror Dimly 

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A Mirror Dimly :

I have recently considered something about myself, who am I? As I have written before, I was a child in a broken home, in a broken school, full of bullies who tortured me for their daily dose of fun. I managed to move to sanctuary where I found peace, and happiness. Even though I would leave for the Army on the tail of heartbreak, from losing a friend, I kept my humor, and positive outlook. For a while in Iraq, I kept my light hearted personality, but within a year of returning home, I began seeing a change within myself. The loss and hardships I’d experienced began to change me. I began feeling quiet, isolated, even angry. For the next several years I found myself in one bad relationship after another, where my playful childlike personality was being repressed, and suppressed. I was unable to express that side of me for over a decade. I have the heart of a nerd, and I love nerd things, from science fiction, fantasy, games, history, and theology. I was unable to talk about such things, such desires. I was unable to truly be myself. The healing I needed after my time at war, was far from me. Upon leaving the military, I was forced to endure difficult times trying to find employment. I suffered one rejection after another. Only after seeking help from a temp agency was I able to find work, but it was just manual labor, in a factory. I was working 50 to 60 hours a week, and never realized there was no time for healing. I was a broken man; I just didn’t know it. 

While I have healed in many ways since then, I have felt the weight of life crushing down upon my shoulders. Now that I am disabled, and receiving social security and VA disability, my income is limited to whatever the government deems is worth that of a disabled veteran. On my income where I live, I can barely make ends meet. I struggle monthly on an incredibly tight budget. How can I take care of my family? Where can I find the means to do so? If I am the man of the house and I’m unable to do such things, what good am I? With my physical body a mere fraction of what I once was, I am faced with a harsh reality, what I make now, is what I will make for the rest of my life. Unless the government does something drastically different, or the economy is forever reset to a lower cost of living, my options are limited. These two things have affected the views I have for myself. While I know that Jesus loves me, I know that life is full of difficulty. I know that sometimes life isn’t fair. This doesn’t change the fact that every day I am reminded just how much of a failure I am. I look at myself in the mirror at how much weight I’ve gained, how little I am able to physically do and the mere fraction of the man I once was. It’s no wonder I struggle to find inner peace, I have internal turmoil raging like a hurricane. 

I have recently found it difficult to accept the truth. This is not me complaining, just pointing out the facts. While it’s rare for me to receive replies to text messages I send out, it’s far rarer to actually meet with anyone. Gone are the days of lunches and dinners and trips with friends. This has all made a perfect storm, that while my faith is strong, my self-worth is not. With the physical health situation, mixed with the friend’s situation, it seems the battle within this world is not just at my door step, but in the home as well. It seems the 8 months I’ve been recovering has left me a shadow of the man I once was. I am facing challenges at the age of 41 I never thought I’d face in my life. The one thing I’ve kept in my mind is what Paul said in “1 Corinthians 12:9 9 And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” While we do not know the thorn Paul is referring too, the message remains the same. Sometimes the Lord allows us to struggle to keep us where we are needed, or where He wants us to be. In Paul’s case, Paul saw this as keeping him from exalting himself. Paul goes on in verse 10 and states he’s content with weakness. Am I content where I am? What can I learn from Paul? I chose to have heart surgery, to stay in this life for years to come, not because it’s what I wanted, but it’s what my family wanted and needed. Now, I am left picking up the pieces, and still, I stare at my phone waiting for replies to my messages. Days, weeks and sometimes longer, I am left wondering, what did I do wrong? Why do I struggle so hard to make and keep friends? What is it about Americans that don’t spend time with friends anymore? Or, is it just me? It’s true my recent move has isolated me more than I thought it would. I expected to meet neighbors, and maybe friends. But, as we see, people in apartments don’t really chat much, sadly. So, I am left facing the sad truth. I may not be popular, and I may not have a tight, strong, circle of friends, but God’s grace is sufficient for me. I must rely on the strength of God to get me through these hard times. Make no mistake, I am in a fight, but I know that my God will see me through. I will continue to fight the good fight because I am a soldier for Christ. I know this life will be filled with heartbreak, heartache, disappointment, and yet, there will be beauty as well. We must force ourselves to train our minds to see and recognize the blessings God sends our way. We cannot become proficient in God’s word, proficient with the sword of the Armor of God unless we take time and train. If we are to fight against the prince of the power of the air, the evil over and within this world, we must be ready to do so. When the attacks come, we must be ready to defend ourselves. We must be prepared to resist the lies, the whiles of the devil and his demons. We must be willing to stand our ground, hold fast to the word of God, and never compromise to appease the world. The lies of the devil are not always blatantly obvious. Sometimes the lies are sprinkled with truth, and we must be ready and willing to be studied up, prayed up, and prepared to fight the good fight. 

I find myself being tempted, and attacked in the dark. The chronic pain, and insomnia weigh heavily upon me. The dozens of texts and messages that go unanswered. The lack of support for my work via my podcast and blog, weighs heavily on me. The isolation from moving away from where my church is located reminds of me of just how hard it is to make friends as a Christian in a secular world. Continuing to recover from heart surgery has been incredibly difficult as I face physical limitations daily. I have pain I never thought I’d have. I have daily struggles. The devil uses all of these things to probe my defenses, to shoot flaming arrows in my direction. Have I trained enough to avoid the impacts? Have I studied enough to fight back? Have I prepared enough to resist? I pray I am meek, ready to use what I have learned but keeping that power in check always. It’s difficult some days to find my value. It’s challenging to not let the dark days win. It’s hard for me to stay focused on the Lord sometimes. I often feel like Peter stepping out of the boat, standing on the water, with all the waves around him, but the moment the thunder and lightning crack, the waves crash all around him, he looks away from Jesus, and begins to plumet down to Davy Jones locker. Jesus grabs him and says “ye of little faith”. I also sometimes have too little faith. I am grateful for a King, and Savior that grabs me when I’m sinking. A Shepherd that shields me from the wolves. That is with me in the midst of the fire. That sends His angels to be with me and guide me, and protect me. That the Holy Spirit rests within me. Even when I make mistakes and sin, my heart breaks for the pain I have caused my God. I am weak, and sometimes frail, but I know that God is the God of forgiveness, and chances. I know that God watches me, and is with me, even when I don’t believe in myself, God has made me an heir to the Kingdom, a citizen of Heaven. Of course, it’s easier to say the words than to believe them in my heart. The Devil has done a great work with phycological warfare. A battle is being waged and I am in the middle of it. I know I need to stay firm on the Word of God, and always, seek first the kingdom of God. I pray you too continue to fight the good fight, and continue to do good for the Lord our God. Go in peace and my the Love of God abound upon you, and may His blessings be abundant and clear to you. 

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Shame

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Shame: 

Sometimes things come up in our life that takes us back to a darker time. Sometimes we are swallowed up in our shame, and when we think that shame is long behind us, Satan can bring it back unexpectedly. 

Spiritual warfare gives us questions we don’t always have answers for. Satan will use any and all things at his disposal to attack a Christian. The deceiver will use lies, partial truths, people, things, temptations, wealth, power, sex, all in the disguise of his true intentions, and that’s to destroy the life and walk, and witness of a Christian. “My hope is that when I die, all of hell rejoices that I am out of the fight” (C.S. Lewis). We live with a target upon our faces, the mark of a Christian. 

When we are taken back to the days of old, when something from our past comes back, how do we manage? How do we face the darkness that fills up inside us? The darkness can feel suffocating, like a small cage, when the walls feel like they are closing in. Spiritual warfare can come at any time. Satan’s attacks can bring us to our knees. Battles are often depicted in movies as grand spectacles. Two movies in particular had fantastic visual battles. ‘Lord Of The Rings Two Towers’, and ‘Braveheart’. The battles are hard, bloody, and not without casualties. While these are fantastic renditions of a battle, it does not really depict the solitary fight of one person. Another film I think of is the allegory of John Bunyan’s ‘Pilgrims Progress’. We see Christian fighting Satan. Sword and shield in hand repelling his attacks. Christian, barely able to stand, draws strength of God, and temporarily repels Satan’s attack. He is bruised, battered, exhausted, and barely able to move, yet, he never gave up. Today, we are attacked in the same way, but instead of it being a physical battle, Christian’s battle is allegory for the spiritual battle we face. 

The song ‘Voice of Truth’ says this, 

But the waves are calling out my name

And they laugh at me

Reminding me of all the times

I’ve tried before and failed

The waves they keep on telling me

Time and time again. “Boy, you’ll never win!”

“You’ll never win!”

… 

But the giant’s calling out my name

And he laughs at me

Reminding me of all the times

I’ve tried before and failed

The giant keeps on telling me

Time and time again. “Boy you’ll never win!”

“You’ll never win!”

Thankfully, while these are the lies Satan tells us, whispering in our ear, we know he does not speak for us. He does not fight for us; he does not tell us truth. Satan’s lies are designed for one thing, to destroy.

When I was in Iraq one of my many missions was to seek and capture or kill enemy combatants, and leaders of the enemy movement. While I do not know the exact number of arrest my platoon made, or even the number of attacks we stopped, I know that our fight was against an enemy that didn’t care about our beliefs, where we came from, those we helped, the outreach missions we accomplished, they wanted us dead. The scouts were targeted enemies specifically and they wanted us dead more than the others. Our banner flown was a target. When we are a Christian, our banner is raised high and proud, and Satan wants us dead and destroyed, more than any others. Are we a threat to Satan’s dominion by the way we talk about and preach the gospel? 

Difficult as it is, we must let our shame go, not holding on to it. We must not allow Satan to use these things, bringing us down. We cannot hold on to things for Satan to use them as weapons against us. We must wipe away the tears of the past and move forward with strength and purpose. We must not hold on to the failings or trauma of yesterday, because God doesn’t. When Jesus forgives us of our repentant sin, it is wiped away, covered white as now.

Isaiah 43:25 25 “I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake;

And I will not remember your sins.”

Colossians 2:13-14 13 “And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, 14 having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross.”

Hebrews 8:12 12 “For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.”

IF God does not keep our transgression, we should not hold onto the guilt and shame of yesterday either. Let us not look back, but forward. ‘Progress not perfection.’ We will never be perfect this side of glory, and we cannot expect to find perfection here. While sin should bring us to our knees in our born-again conscience, we need to seek forgiveness, and repentance of that sin, but not allow it to crush us. Like Christian in Pilgrims Progress, when his sin is lifted off his back, we should not try to pick it back up and place it upon our backs. Let the sin fall away in the forgiveness of Christ’s blood, and let us keep moving along, doing a little better each and every day. Let us keep fighting the good fight, and stay strong, even when it’s raining down upon us. Let us see our sins washed away by the blood. God forgives us of our sins, let us forgive ourselves. What we place at the feet of Jesus, let us not pick up again. When we place our struggles, and shame, sins, and regret, let us never pick them up. 

I have often struggled with this. Having felt shame my entire childhood for things out of my control. As I wrestled with bullying of both my family status, and my physical appearance. This led to physical attacks upon me, targeted confrontations of my things being thrown into occupied urinals, swirleys (getting your head dunked in a toilet), beatings, being robbed, and insults. I was often afraid to walk alone from the bus stop because of these kinds of events. I became scared to ride the bus, or walk in the hallways at school. I was afraid to change in the locker room at school. I was afraid to sleep at night in fear of what may happen in my sleep. Fear gripped me tight and for many years, would not let go. I could not look at myself in the mirror without feeling shame, and disgust. I could not at the time, ever see my life filled with any kind of love, or joy for life. As a child, Satan had taken that from me. 

Today I live a life of service for the Lord. This brings attacks of a different nature. While I am still uncomfortable in my own skin, I no longer have a spirit of fear. That’s not to say I don’t still struggle with other areas of my confidence, and at times the deceiver reminds me of my former shame. I am human, and I wrestle with the flesh nature. Let us remember the spirit we are given of love, and courage, and joy in the risen Lord Jesus Christ. Let us look upon Christ in glorious hope that this world is but a fleeting moment, and eternity of praise and worship await us. Have faith my brothers and sisters in Christ. Have hope and do not despair my brethren. Let us put the past behind us, and continue to look towards the East. Our risen Lord shall return someday, and when we does, let us be ready. 

The Heart of the Matter

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The Heart of the Matter

The heart is a deceitfully wicked thing. In days of old it was not likely scripture was in every house. The Jews certainly did not have their own scrolls, and I dare say most, most likely could not write. Despite not being able to write, maybe not read, they knew scripture. They were able to, through practice memorize the stories, and laws written in their ancient texts. They knew the laws, and they knew God’s word. Today, we have the most access to scripture than any generation before us, yet we know the least about the word of God. 

In my youth, (before cell phones) I had no desire to read scripture. I knew some of the most basic stories, and I knew considerably more than those in my life, concerning scripture, but my own drive, my own longing to keep the word in my heart was sorely lacking. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to know the word of God, it’s more that I was lazy, or too interested in things of the world. As scripture says, “when I was a child, I thought at a child.” When I joined the military, we had a day that we spent at a church, I believe it was for thanksgiving. At the church I received a fairly basic King James Version bible. For the next several weeks, I began reading verses, finding verses I could store up in my heart, and I even highlighted verses to remember and make it easier to find later. Before long a good portion of the bible was highlighted. This wasn’t study however. While I was getting to know verses, I didn’t really know or understand what they meant, who they were written to, or why. I was gaining knowledge of scripture, but not the wisdom to know how to use it. 

While I was in Iraq, I ended up with a small camouflaged Gideons NT. Psalms and Proverbs Bible. It was small enough to fit it in my breast pocket of my uniform, and fit under my body armor. I took the red Bible from basic training, transferred over all the highlighted verses I could, and carried it with me. In the book it had a small section of verses by category, fear, anger, sadness, etc. It made it very easy for me to study while out on missions when I wasn’t getting shot at or kicking down doors. I still didn’t know that what I was doing wasn’t actually studying. Though I had learned a bit more during my time. Even to this day I still have both the Bibles. The Gideons Bible however was damaged when I was forced to jump in the water to retrieve my fallen friend. The highlighted sections bled, the pages forever damaged, but still legible if I needed to use it. It sits safely in my firesafe, for safe keeping. 

When I got out of the Military I spent years in Germany, and never went to church. The Bibles were put away, and I no longer spent time in the word. It’s odd really, God spared me multiple times in Iraq, and many times prior to Iraq, yet in my heart, I still did not desire, or long to be in His word. It’s easy to understand, that our hearts naturally deny God. Our hearts, naturally reject Him. As scripture says, before we are saved through the Blood of Jesus those who put their faith and love in Him, are enemies of God. Romans 5:10. While it’s still difficult for me to memorize verses verbatim, I am able to recall the gist of the verse, and again, difficult to remember the verse chapter and number, I am able to use today’s modern technology to find the verse I want in seconds. Some, like the Romans 5:10 verse I mentioned, have managed to stick in my head. This didn’t come easily though. 

After many years of not doing anything with my faith, no church, no Bible study, not even a daily devotional, I moved back home. When I moved, it was out of necessity, and trauma. I began attending an Episcopal church, and while I no longer do, it was a start for me. For the first time in a long time, my faith was being reignited. I began hearing God, and seeing his works in my life. After moving to the Bible Belt of the United States (North Carolina) I began attending a Baptist Church. After being there for a little while, I was asked if I would be willing to teach. To this day, I don’t know why out of all people I’d be asked, but I was honored to do so. I worked hard on my first lesson. I videoed it for both posterity’s sake, and educational purposes. Kind of like watching film from a football game. The study of scripture came not easily, but not as difficult as I imagined it would. I found I enjoyed the study, and the teaching of God’s word. Sadly, my stubbornness heart, still wanted to do things of the world. 

It wasn’t until 2017 that I began truly diving into the word. I had nearly died, and in September of 2016, I surrendered all to Christ. Once I was healed, I began writing in this very place. My blog was born from two people who supported me, loved me, and wanted me to have an outlet and place to share (my talents). Early on, I was in the word studying day and night. I was writing a minimum of one blog post a day, sometimes, two, sometimes three a day. I was, as they say, ‘on fire’ for the Lord. I wrote at that tempo for a long time. While the site in recent years has dwindled in pace, I would say the content improved. To date, including this publication, there has been a total of 836 posts. Why is this important? It’s certainly not to highlight myself, but rather what God does in us. I could not, not write. I had to study. I had to learn and to grow. Today my study looks much different than it used to. Instead of studying for my blog, I now study for my podcast or (Vlog) as it used to be called. I’m currently going through the book of John. 

https://www.youtube.com/@thearrowpreacher6920/streams

In my own time, I am going through the book of Luke. Satan has a way of distracting us though, even now, I find myself being drawn away. Finding excuses not to study. I’m in pain, or I’m tired, or just plain lazy. It’s easy to let Satan fill your head with excuses to not get into God’s word. But, that’s just the first step. It’s a slow fade. First you start skipping your devotional. Then you stop studying as often. Or you start skipping out on prayers. You may start to sleep in on Sunday and not go to church. Before you know it, it’s been weeks since you went to church, or longer. Satan won, and your relationship with God is now secondary, or worse, not even on a list of priorities. It’s important to recognize the slow drift, in order to course correct and get back on track. 

Let me ask this question for you, my devoted readers, when did you decide Christ was the way the truth and the life? 

Me, I grew up in church, so I always had the feeling God was real. If you recall, I said I surrendered in 2016, but I have always known God. Sadly, I don’t believe he truly knew me, in the ways of a two-way relationship. God, was seeking after me my whole life. That is apparent when reviewing my life. There was a pull from an early age. Questions I would ask in Catholic church while sitting in with the adult bible study, as a 10-year-old. Even though God saved my life on more than one occasion, even though, I felt God pulling at me from childhood, I resisted and wanted to do things my way. I knew God, but I didn’t know God. I didn’t know what he wanted for me, or what he expected of me. I had a pirate’s outlook on scripture. “They are more like guidelines.” (Pirates of the Caribbean) It wasn’t until my very real change of heart in 2016/2017 that I finally realized, just how depraved, and sinful I was. It was then I had realized how desperate I was for a relationship with Jesus and the Father, and allow the Holy Spirit to dwell within me. It was then I understood Psalm 119. 

Psalms 119:10-11 10 With my whole heart I have sought You;

Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments!

11 Your word I have hidden in my heart,

That I might not sin against You.

How my life changed when I began to study. I started to understand how important it was for me to know my faith, so I may have a defense against the dark one who means to destroy me. I learned what it means to put on the whole armor of God. I learned what it means to put scripture in my heart so I might not sin against you. I learned what it meant to have a defense of my faith when others may ask me why I am a believer. Can you answer someone if they asked, why do you believe? 

2 Timothy 4:1-4 “I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: 2 preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. 3 For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, 4 and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths.”

There is so much wickedness in the world, those who deny Christ and wish that the whole world would deny Christ. Then there are those who teach and preach the false gospel. Those who wish their ears to be tickled and find preachers to do that for them. I pray I am not he. My understanding is those who choose to preach the word of God are held to a higher standard. We must teach rightly scripture to those around us. How can I do that if I don’t study correctly. I must know what sound doctrine sounds like, and looks like. I must know Scripture so I can see the counterfeit before me. I must study to show myself approved not to man but before God. I must study if I am to understand what He wants of me, and what he expects of me. How am I to know God, if I don’t take time to read the love letter he left before me. Scripture is His word to us. It shows us and tells us who he is, and what he wants for us. Why don’t we want to read it? The heart is deceitfully wicked. It is depraved, and repugnant, in its birth state. It is not till the Holy Spirit puts in us a new heart that we finally understand, and I say, are driven to know Him. 

Let us not forsake our studies. Let us not look to scripture as guidelines, but instead, look at them as the commandments they are. Let us have a relationship with God and that starts through prayer and study of His Holy Word. Let us not be deceived into believing our relationship is fine with just Sunday and Wednesday services. Our relationship starts in our own homes, in our daily lives. If you are not doing this, pray that God ignite a spark in you to light the fire in your soul. Strive to learn, and grow, and have such an intimate relationship with God, that everyone around you notices the difference, because when you do, when you grow in your knowledge of what God expects of us, expects of you, you will be forever changed. Let us have the faith of Paul to tell the world, who is Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Messiah, Lord of Lords. 

The Danger Zone

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The Danger Zone

When I accept Christ, that means I will have everything I want. When I accept Christ, life will be easy, and smell like roses, and rainbows will spring from my feet as I walk. God wouldn’t want me to suffer in this life. God wants me to have my best life now. 

This is not Christianity. Make no mistake, Christianity is not about the rewards of this life we live. Christianity is both easy and difficult at the same time. Christianity to many is about what we can do for God. How my good works, and being a good person allow me to make it into Heaven. Heaven, a place where everyone wants to go, but as Paul Washer once said, everyone wants to go to Heaven, not everyone wants God to be there. The beautiful thing about Christianity is the simplicity of it. We are born sinners, we are dead spiritually in our sins. We cannot be in Gods presence as a sinner, so Jesus, the Son of God came to lay down his life to take our place as a sacrifice for the repayment of our sins, which washes away our sentence of death. All we have to do is love God with all our heart mind and soul repent of our ways, and know Jesus is who he said he was, our savior, our sacrifice.

So, if all we need to do is to be a follower of Jesus to get to Heaven, why is that so hard? No works can earn you enough credits to pay the toll. No amount of good days, or good deeds can pay or bribe your way into the kingdom. We all deserve death. We all deserve to burn. Our feeble sentiments of what makes someone good is based on a human perspective, not that of a truly Holy God. We judge based on murder, rape, stealing, etc. But the truth is while here those hold different weighted punishments, before God, that lustful look, that little white lie, that tiny selfish idea, that thought of wanting what your neighbor has, all are punishable by death before a Holy God. Matthew 7:13-14 13 “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. 14 [a]Because narrow is the gate and [b]difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.

Being a Christian is hard because the world hates you. Being a Christian is hard because when you are remade by the Holy Spirit, your sin becomes repugnant. You begin to hate the sinful nature of your wicked heart. You battle within yourself every day. You are shunned by the world, and you are called names, and in most countries you are hated to the point where you can be imprisoned or put to death. Being a Christian means moving out of the comfort of your home, the safety of your bed, and very possibly being in harms way. If you’re living a Christian life and you haven’t been called names, lost worldly friends, or even opportunities, living in the United States, I can say there’s a good chance you’re not doing it right. Today, within this country, if you follow scripture, and you put God as the final authority on what’s right and wrong, there’s a good chance half the country hates you. 

Some believe that living a Christian life comes with extra grace, and by grace they mean presents. Some believe that if you are a Christian and you plant that seed, you can be wealthy, free from disease, safe and happy in your warm bed. Let me show you what Christian means. Keep in mind, Christ said this, Mathew 16:18 18 And I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it. Jesus is saying in this world there will be His church, and attacks will come from Satan and his entire army, but nothing Satan does will destroy the church. Meaning Christians are soldiers, we are soldiers in a war, not just of flesh and blood, but of souls, spiritual warfare. Satan would employ evil men to attack and kill Christians, but the church will emerge victorious by and through the power of Christ.  

Acts 7:59-60 “59 And they stoned Stephen as he was calling on God and saying, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” 60 Then he knelt down and cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not charge them with this sin.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep.”

Paul was beheaded in Rome after being stoned, imprisoned, shipwrecked, and more. 

It is written that James was beheaded along with one of his captorsto.

Legend says Matthew was beheaded in Ethiopia. 

James the Less was likely killed in one of two ways, he was killed by stoning, or tossed from the tower and when that didn’t kill him, he was pinned to the ground and killed by a fuller’s club. 

Matthias was said to be killed by stoning. 

Andrew was said to be killed by crucifixion on an X shaped cross. 

Mark was said to be dragged to pieces. 

Peter was said to be crucified upside down. 

Jude was crucified

Bartholomew was beaten and crucified 

Thomas was tortured, ran through with spears, then thrown into an oven. 

The number of those whos blood has been spilt in the name of Christ is beyond count. There are many more accounts of the brutality that has befallen the Christian. Christ said as many others have also stated, that troubles will come, and if they hate us, remember they hated Jesus first. How can we possible expect not to be in harms way? How can we expect life to be full of ease and worldly blessings, when everything we know of the attacks on the church show the exact opposite. 

Christ said they (the world) would know Christian by their fruits, and the love we show to others. What kind of fruit are you producing? Make no mistake, we are not saved by those fruits, but they are a biproduct of wanting to serve Christ. Are you willing to travel into the shadow of death? Are you willing to give it all up for Christ? Are you willing to fight the good fight? Are you willing to run the race, and go toe to toe with the best Satan has to throw at you? The road to heaven is not for the faint of heart, it’s not for those who want an easy road in this life. But I can assure you, that the reward of such a life is that of eternal paradise in perfection. Heaven is described a little in scripture, but more importantly there is no pain, no suffering, no tears. Mansions and an eternity with the creator of the universe. Life is but a vapor, a minuscule blip in the eternal. As scripture says, put on the full armor of God, and know how to protect yourself. As I say, cowboy up, and get ready for the fight. I may have been a United States Soldier, a Cavalry Scout, but the war in Iraq is nothing compared to the spiritual warfare I have encountered. We don’t know true persecution in this country, but I assure you, there is persecution that puts real Christians in harms way. In other countries they are put to death for their faith. 

This isn’t to scare you, but prepare you for the truth. To be a Christian is to jump onto that highway to the danger zone. To know that Christ suffered first, for us, so we would know the truth. Jesus is undefeated, will never be defeated, and as he overcame death and rose again on the third day, he saves us from death. Come fight this fight with me. Come and fight like those before us. Come and join the ranks of the minority, and trust in Christ. Christ did the hard work for us, he paid the price we couldn’t ever pay for. He will return and destroy evil. He will come again and every knee shall bow, every tongue will confess he is Lord. As for me, I would prefer to come to Christ and bow on my own, rather than wait till it’s too late. Choose life, choose eternal life with the Christ who loved us so much, he put on flesh, came, allowed his creation to spit, and torture, and slay his body. Christ said this, no one takes my life, but I lay it down freely, and I shall lift it up again. What kind of love must that be, to lay down ones life for their enemies. It’s easy to say you can lay down your life for someone you love, maybe even those you like, but to do so for someone that’s your enemy, that’s different. How about laying down your life for the murder on death row, or that child rapist, or the drunk driver that took away someone’s ability to walk, or even live. Would you give up your life for them? Jesus did. Jesus lived according to the scripture, he showed who he was, and the amount of evidence to prove he was who he claimed he was, is incontrovertible, when you actually take the time to look. So, I ask again, join me, fight the good fight, and lets face the wiles, the attacks of the Devil together, and lets go out and share the good news of Jesus Christ. 

Who Are You Today?

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Who Are You Today?

I was thinking about the story of the Potter and the Clay. I was also thinking about the enemy and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I know that all of us are facing challenges in this life, this new normal of being forced to lock down in our homes. I know that all of us are trying to find ways to deal with the isolation, the lack of finances, the lack of church, the lack of work, and the lack of anything else you can think of. I have been wondering, myself included who am I today? Are we falling apart in these troubled times? Are we bonding together to be stronger? Are we becoming someone the enemy fears, or are we becoming someone the enemy cheers? If we are truly clay, who are we allowing to shape us? I know that a tool like any other in the wrong hands can be used as a weapon. As Bruce Wayne once said “One man’s tool is another man’s weapon” (Dark Knight Rises). 

I have often wondered why so many bad things happened to me as a child. I wondered why so many awful and hurtful things happened to me as an adult. I realized some of those things where of my own doing even in a passive sense. In many those things I blamed God for my troubles, not always for causing them, but allowing them to happen. I have faced challenges, and even when I haven’t gotten them right, I’ve realized that for every challenge faced there is an opportunity. That being said, “God only knows the real you.” (God Only Knows, by for King and Country). Since we all have a face that we hide away, the potter is the one that knows us best. That being said, we can be shaped by one of two potters. We can be shaped by Satan, or Jesus. 

We are all facing things we never thought would happen, or things we could never think to prepare for. Our behavior shows who we are and what kind of person we’ve become. In these days are you behaving in a way that would make the enemy fearful? We cannot see what’s in someone’s heart, but we can make an educated guess based on a person action. It’s said in the Christian walk a person’s witness is so important because we outwardly represent Christ. A persons walk shouldn’t be impacted by the sins and mistakes of a person, but sadly that’s not the world we live in. People believe that those who follow a religion are a representation of that religion. 

IF I were a drunk, an abusive man, cruel, and yet on Sunday I’m in church sitting the pew and praying the prayers, am I a good representation of Christ? No, of course not. If someone saw me they would have a negative thought of Christianity. With so much idol time on people’s hands, and with social media being all the buzz, it’s more important than ever to watch what we say, watch what we do, and check ourselves and our actions. IS what we are doing bringing Glory to the Father, or are we making things easier for Satan and his army? We have a choice to change how we act, how we talk, what we post, how we deal with people, and even the support we show one another. 

Life has thrown us all challenges, and while we are struggling with our own problems, we must remember that first; We are not alone in this walk. Jesus is with us every step of the way. Second, we are called to be there for one another baring one another’s burdens. We are also told that we are responsible for ourselves and our own actions. 

Galatians 6:7-10 “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. 8 For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. 9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. 10 So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” 

We have a responsibility to our homes, and our brothers and sisters. We have a responsibility to own up to our mistakes and in doing so, we face who we are. In the last several weeks I’ve seen a lot of selfish response to the crisis gripping our world. I’ve seen a lot of decisions made based on fear and ignorance, We all need to take a step back, relax, and evaluate how to manage our struggles. We’re all in this together and we need to encourage and lift one another. WE all have an opportunity to grow, and we should spend more time loving on one another, and of course most important, growing in Christ. 

Today, if I’m honest I’m hurting. The days are long and run together. The struggle to see what I see and manage the impending challenges is a mountain and a half. I have found myself spending the day listening to Christian music, and praying to take this thorn from my life. I know that in all things I must find contentment, Philippians 4:11 (NKJV) “Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content:” I have been praying to the Lord to let me say the word and have the mountain jump from my path. I am not a foolish man, but regardless that I know the truth and that this is a mountain I must walk, I still tell my Father my hearts desires. The heartbreak I feel, and the impending storm brews in the distance, I can hear the thunder, and as Kylo Ren says “I know what I must do, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it” (Star Wars). Will I have the strength to get through this? I have prayed to God to continue to give me the strength, to renew my strength, to build upon my faith and increase both. Today I feel like I’m weak and I know that I’m not, but the spiritual attacks are heavy. I know that Jesus is my chain breaker, my way maker, and I know that Jesus has set me free of the chains that held me, and I know that Father above hears me, hears my cries, hears my heart cracking, and I know that I will not be alone in this fight, but rather I know I will have Christ by my side. I know there’s a crack in my armor, but I know as the flaming arrows are landing all around me Christ stands next to me guarding me with his Shield. I will make it through this, and I know when I do, it’ll be by the grace and mercy of Jesus, not of my own doing. On bended knee, I lift my prayers to the King of Kings, the Great Healer, The Chain Breaker, The Savior, The Right Hand of the Father, Jesus Christ. 

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When the Excrement Happens

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When the Excrement Happens

You know you’re about to do something pretty good when Satan throws you a curveball. It’s unclear how much the Angels know about what will happen into the future, but one thing’s clear, Satan does a good job trying to muck up a good thing. Any time something good and positive is going to happen especially things that are for good Christians, Satan likes to try and put a stop to it before hand. This coming weekend I am supposed to be away on another Wounded Warrior Project event, and trying to be prepared with my homework and everything else I have to do, Satan is trying to put a stop to my trip by literally putting a stop to my trip. Yesterday I was involved in a small auto accident in which my car, my poor, poor, car, might have seen it’s last day. Driving home from an appointment a nice guy, was just trying to get to where he had to go, but the way in which he did it, well, when you try to cut over two lanes to turn in bumper to bumper traffic that’s moving 35-40 miles per hour is going to cause problems. Without enough time I was cut off and less than 30 feet I was ill prepared to stop in time when he needed to turn into the shop he was going to. My little Chevy sonic was no match for his Honda Pilot. His bumper took next to no damage, while my car…. Well, it’s seen better days. Everyone walked away and thankfully my airbag never deployed. The impact was just high enough on my car to keep it from exploding in my face. The accident could have been much worse, and I’m thankful we were both all right. Cars can be replaced, people cannot.

I firmly believe that for a Christian who knows the Lord, who trusts in the Lord, who’s faith guides them, and not the world, Romans 8:28is so important, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to Hispurpose.” Bad things happen every day to good people, and sometimes it’s not easy to see the good in the midst of so much awful and terrible things. We can become numb to the world and cold and disconnected in time as Satan’s claws dig into our shoulders to drag us down. For instance, as soon as I got home 4 hours later then I was supposed to which put me 3 hours behind on homework, I received a phone call from a friend with terrible news. I began to minister to her, helping her through a tough time, still reeling from my own ordeal. Then not more then 2 hours later, I end up ministering to another friend who was also going through a pretty hard time, and a small albeit real crisis of faith. My cup ran over, and I knew I needed to step away and empty my own cup of stress before I could be effective. It was a good thing I did, because later that night I was faced with a third friend in need of spiritual guidance. Satan is moving in a big way in my life right now, and it’s not easy to stand there and be under a real spiritual attack. So what can we do when the attack comes?

I knew what was happening so I took a moment to reach out to one of two people that could help, my own best friend and pastor. Calling later then I think I’ve ever called I was relieved when he answered the phone. The conversation wasn’t very long, just enough to pray, talk about the quick issues, and we parted ways, in which I knew he would be praying for me till he went to bed. See, prayer is important. God hears our plea’s and God move the pieces into play to be where they are supposed to be, or where they are most needed. I called a second pastor friend of mine, and while he was unable to take the call, just the act of me calling showed my faith in prayer because knowing he’d see my missed call, I knew he’d pray for me on the spot. I was able to get through my night with only a few tears of stress, and although the schoolwork suffered a little, I know that the good certainly outweighed the bad!

 Trusting in God in the middle of the (expletive) storm isn’t easy, but when we know who’s still in control, we can be prepared for the flaming arrows Paul speaks of in Ephesians 6:10-18 10 “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the [a]wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of [b]the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints”

 Trust in God and believe in the works that are happening to answer your prayers. As I referred to recently, God moves pieces around the chessboard and it’s important to know that it takes time to maneuver those pieces into play. Be patient in your walk with the Lord. “If I walk with the world, I can’t walk with God.”  Dwight L. Moody If we are walking with the Lord we know troubles will happen. We know that we will have opportunities to be pleasing to the Lord, and we trust these things because troubles were promised by our own Lord and Savior. Colossians 1:10-11 10 that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; 11 strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; We suffer long and with Joy. We are patient and trusting in God we may be strengthen by all of God’s might. By walking upright in the Lord we are blessed by the Spirit, and renewed our strength when the attacks come. Don’t loose hope for the world is darkened, designed to crush your spirit and drain the joy from you, but if you know the Lord, trust in the Holy Word of God, you know that this suffering is only temporary that you may be tempered and ready when you are called to do more. This isn’t home, so remember one thing, ‘flexible people can’t get bent out of shape.’ We are not consumed by the darkness of this world, because it’s the Light of Christ that brings us hope, and every morning is a new symbol of the hope left to us as Jesus ascended into Heaven.

Lamentations 3:22-23 (NKJV)

22 Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,

Because His compassions fail not.

23 They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.

 

The Rough Days

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The Rough Days

When someone tells you “I don’t care” in regards to a way you feel about something, I think few things in life cut that deep. We are lucky to never hear that from God. God has never once said He doesn’t care about us, or our feelings. In fact, scripture tells us to cast all our anxieties, our worries, and struggles unto the Lord and He will give us strength and peace. So if you’re feeling like you’re alone today, or maybe you are alone today, remember the Lord God is always with us. He shall never leave you or forsake you. Trust in God to deliver you from the storm and keep moving forward. Some days you find yourself overwhelmed with spiritual attacks and everything else seems like an amazing struggle, such as posting a blog. The day was such an off day for me, not only did I not post, but I didn’t prepare one for the next day. Struggling with a failing AC unit in NC. On a HOT September day, dealing with homework, and recovering from the hurtful things that had been said early in the day, before I knew it the day had slipped away until it was after midnight. Some days it’s like you’re shackled and you can’t do anything to get yourself free. We are only human, and we can only take so much before we just need a little while away.

 

It’s not easy living your life having so many people tell you what your value is. It’s not easy fighting the insecurities that are lied to you from the Devil. It’s not easy wondering if you could have done something better, or should have done something different. The thing is, we are called by God to do God’s work, and God makes no mistakes. God calls each and every one of us into service who will head the call. The signal is shown because Jesus Christ said go forth and baptize all the nations. If we are called for such an amazing service, an amazing honor that God would use each and every one of us for the glory of Heaven, then we should know how much value Jesus places on each and every one of us.

 

If we were superheroes for Christ we would have a signal in the sky telling us where we needed to go to minister to the helpless, the hopeless, the lost. We don’t have the luxury of having some ‘Bat’ signal in the sky, but we do have the Holy Spirit to guide us where we need to be. We must learn to answer the call, and realize that no matter how we feel, the lies we believe aren’t truth. God’s truth is that every one of us is made in His image. Every single person has a purpose and are made exactly how we need to be made. We encounter trials and trauma’s that can often leave a lasting scar and sometimes we suffer long term. The Devil will influence people to treat us poorly and sometimes it makes us feel bad, and in worst cases it makes us feel worthless. While it’s not easy to overcome difficult trauma’s we must not fall victim to the hurtful lies. Find value in your work for Christ and you will find your value in the Love Christ has for you.

 

God is Good

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God is Good

This seems like such an easy message, but so few truly understand just how impactful it can be, God is good, and God is good all the time. I have been down and from the deepest pits of despair I have know that God is still there. I may not have always been on speaking terms with God for my own selfish, lost reasons, but God as Abba (Father), has never turned His Holy back on me. When we are upset and angry with God it’s us that walks away. We are children who storm off and slam the door to our rooms. I was an angry person for so long I ran from God. We would fight constantly. I felt like I was being taken out to the whipping shed so often I couldn’t sit down anymore. What I couldn’t understand was it wasn’t God, God wasn’t the source of my pain, the Devil was.

It’s easy to feel like you’re alone, but the truth is we are never alone. Romans 8:28 ESV“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” We know that no matter what we are going through God is there. Psalm 31:19 ESV“Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind!”

Living life with depression isn’t easy. Living life with severe depression can be debilitating. Knowing God is there is sometimes the only hope people have that suffer from depression is trusting God is still there. I’ve spent time laid up in my bed and the only thought that’s gotten me up is knowing that I need to post a blog entry, or homework, or to go to church. Knowing these things are to bring glory to God is often the only thing that gets me moving. I can’t imagine how people who believe in nothing find anything hopeful when things in life don’t go very well. Worse, when people suffer traumas and if not one, or three, or even five traumas later if they believe in nothing, how they manage to keep moving forward is something I will never understand. Psalm 145:9 ESV“The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.” Knowing everything the light touches, and everything it doesn’t is all under the mercy of God is such a warm thought. Knowing that everything in my heart is touched by God, and every sorrow I feel Jesus Christ felt and took it for me. Knowing that the love of Jesus Christ is what lights up the darkness. The darkness that covers those with true horrors in their life is lit up by the grace of God.

Sometimes in life when you need to fix something, you have to make a mess before you build it back up and make it pretty. The human heart, and the psyche are sometimes the same way. In trauma therapy you often need to talk about the worst things in your life you you’ve ever experienced, and you talk about it some more, and then some more, and each time it feels like the wounds are fresh, just as painful as the first day it happened. Going over the events, and talking about them, and talking about the emotions in a particular way is how we slowly start to clean up the mess. Knowing that God is there keeping you safe, keeping me safe, has been a comfort. Knowing I am broken to pieces right now, is only a temporary thing because I know that one day God will use me to help others and bring precious glory to His holy name. Trusting in the Lord and that He has plans for me keeps me fighting and moving forward. Even when I don’t think much of myself, I know that the Lord loves me. Jesus Christ died for me, and I know that one day I will leave this broken life behind, and I will go home to where I truly belong, and why, is because God is good all the time. God is Love, God is Grace, God is Joy, and God uses broken things just like me. If God can use a broken man like myself to spread the Gospel, God can use anyone to show others hope and joy, and faith that tomorrow will be better because this life is only temporary. We have work to do in this world, and we can’t let the Devil win. We must hold strong, and never give up. If God never gives up on us, we can’t give up on ourselves either, and we certainly can’t give up on God. We are never alone.

Facing Down the Cosmic Bully

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Facing Down the Cosmic Bully

Life, is full of its ups and downs. Scripture is clear about where our blessings come from. James 1:1717 “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” If our gifts come from the Lord, then what about our misery? Misery is a strange thing because it can come from more then one place. We are often our own source of misery but aside from ourselves making poor life choices, the Devil is truly the biggest cosmic bully around. How do we stand up to a bully that big? What chance do we have when we are facing down a bully of that size? If we are to believe in the fundamental fact that Jesus Christ overcame death, and He saved our souls from eternal damnation, we must also believe that there are forces of both light and dark all around us. The spiritual realm although we cannot see it, is very real. Angels the forces for God, and demons, the forces for the Devil are constantly at war all around us. For those who are more in tune with their relationship with God they can sense when the forces of the Devil are around. It’s a lot like the Matrix, you can’t see it, but you know it’s everywhere within the world around you. You can see it when you take out the landlord’s garbage, or even when you pay your taxes.

We are in this world, but we are commanded, for those who follow Christ are not to conform to the world. The world is sin, and we must resist the temptations that come to us. Being in this world as a Christian invites troubles into your life. The Devil will use anything and everyone to dissuade you from giving your heart to Jesus, or if you have given your heart to Jesus, to make you doubt that relationship. The Devil is the ultimate bully, and he is jealous of our relationship with the Father. He might be a child throwing a tantrum, but even a child can cause a lot of damage when they have angelic powers. Don’t forget that just because the Devil was cast out from Heaven, doesn’t mean he was stripped of his powers. Angels and Demons are very much real, and just because we can’t see them, doesn’t mean the war isn’t waging all around us. The war is not for land, or resources, the war is for our very souls.

We know that the battle wages every day, and as each of us is filled with both the spirit and the sins of the flesh, it stands to reason that sometimes the pull of the flesh will win. This doesn’t mean the draws to a person; it means the part that is alienated by God. The flesh is the rebellious, stubborn, and often disrespectful side of us that refuses correction, and to acknowledge ones own faults. We are governed by sin at times, and we can fight it, but it’s inevitable that we will fail, and fail often. It’s that reason that Christ died on the cross, His blood shed for us, because there was no scenario where we could enter into heaven on our own merits or works.

What do we do when we find ourselves in the midst of a spiritual battle, and how do we know what it is? First you must ask yourself if you’ve ever been tempted to do something you know is wrong? Tempted to smoke cigarettes, tempted to steal something, tempted to lie, tempted by sexual desire, all these things are signs of spiritual warfare. The Devil uses our desires of the flesh, uses others, uses sickness and diseases, anything and everything to try and wedge a gap between you and the Father. The Devil and his legion of demons are always pulling people, pushing people, and causing mischief all around the world. He tries anything he can to raise doubts, to cast blame, even to the point of lying to us making us feel like we are worthless.

A movie I’ve been watching lately that I can’t seem to get enough of is Avengers: Infinity War. I was thinking about Thanos and his motives for doing what he does. While Thanos may actually be right around the fate of the universe he’s missing one important aspect, faith. There’s one scene where Thanos is talking to Gamora about needing to be the one to fix things, and she tells him “You don’t know that.” Thanos is misguided in his methods and no matter if you agree or disagree with him, he is a cosmic bully playing god and he has no business doing so.

(Spoilers Ahead)

 Even though Thanos seems to be unstoppable there’s a point where Thor’s new Ax, Stormbreaker cuts through Thano’s power and actually stabs him in the chest. Recently as I’ve been watching that, I have been thinking about our own fight against our biggest cosmic bully, the Devil. If the Devil attacks us, do we have our own Stormbreaker to cut through his attack and stab him in the chest? The answer is yes, absolutely! Stormbreaker is essentially the power of the Holy Spirit. We know that we have the Armor of God, Ephesians 6:10-18. “Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God;” This verse ends with prayer, telling us that in all things we must be willing to pray. Stormbreaker at the heart the word of God that cuts through Sin, desire, and any attack the Devil may throw at us. No matter the direction the attack comes from, whether it be through people, or sickness, or even our own sinful failings, the Word of God has all the answers. It in itself is the ultimate weapon against the biggest bully around. While we don’t have the power to be rid of Satan, we do have the power to fight him off, to force him back, and for a time have him removed from our presence.

During the temptation of Christ, we don’t see Christ using force to remove Satan, we see Christ using the word of God. Christ could have used force to remove the Devil, but since we don’t have that power, it serves as a lesson to each of us, how to fight on the battlefield beyond what we can see. We must never underestimate our own abilities because scripture tells us, Romans 8:31 “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?”If God is with us we then have the power within us to withstand the attacks of Satan, and cast him away from us as Jesus once did. It may not be as flashy or glamorous as Thor flying above Wakanda throwing his beautiful new toy, cutting through Thanos’s blast and stabbing him in the chest, but never the less, we do have the power to stand up to our tormentor. Don’t underestimate yourself and never give up the fight. As long as we continue to believe in God and trust in Him, we will always have hope. One day our time to fight will be over and we will be called home. We will leave the fight for the next person after us, and all we can do is hope we have passed on our knowledge and love of Christ for the next generation to come. Have faith and in this spiritual battle that wages on, don’t forget to Love, Forgive, and live in Hope. In the battle here on earth, one thing we need to remember is there is no need to fear. There is nothing the Devil can do to remove the ransom paid for us. So long as we remain faithful to our Lord and Savior, we may suffer in this life, but this life is only temporary.

Child Of My God

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Child Of My God:

My Works are nothing at the cross. My works are dirty rags thrown out into the trash that is tossed aside not worthy of a second glance. Do not misunderstand; my works do not determine my worth. My whole life I dreamt of leaving a mark on this world. I wanted to be remembered for doing something amazing and wonderful and positive. My whole life I sought my place, my purpose in this life. My whole life I’ve wanted to feel like I belong, like I fit in. At every turn I’ve been knocked down, knocked out, left behind, tossed aside, and forgotten. I have measured my own self-worth by those of others. I have watched as one person after another has thrown me away like a piece of trash. As far as people I have had in my life I’ve had a few that are in my life I can count on, the rest of turned their backs on me in my darkest hours. Ultimately though people should never be my concern. The one and only approval I need is that of my Abba. I never knew my biological father, but as I’ve grown, it’s my heavenly father that got me through. When I walked across the stage graduating high school my Abba was with me. He watched as I turned my life around from a 2.6 GPA to a 3.2 GPA upon graduating after I changed schools. He was with me when I swore to defend the Constitution against all enemies foreign and domestic. He was with me when I completed the 25K ruck march on the last day of basic training. Abba was with me the day I received my deployment orders for Iraq. Abba watched over me and kept me safe in the midst of insurmountable odds during combat. Abba rejoiced with me when I got married, and cried with me when I got divorced. Abba guided me through my failures and was the reason I succeeded. My Lord rejoiced when I married a second time. Once again cried with my broken heart from the second affair and subsequent months where I tried to save my marriage. My father held my hand the day I stood in front of a judge for the second time in my life and heard the words “Judgment of Divorce.”

My Lord never left my side even when I fell and crashed, getting bloody and bruised. God lifted me up with tender love and care. My lord has given me people in my life to help me and guide me in my darkest hour. Even when I’m down and when I feel the emptiness from no longer having a companion, my God is by my side hands on my shoulder as my heart breaks again and again. In the longest, darkest of nights the Lord, the king of all creation lights the way forcing the demons to flee before me. I fall and I get down but I’m never alone. I may often feel alone but that’s never true. I may miss certain people from being in my life, but I trust in my Lord’s plan. In my failings my father watches over me. He rewards me for my faithfulness, disciplines me when I’m bad and in all times never ever leaves me, and always loves me.

Jesus is my Lord, and my Savior and I know strength is one of my spiritual gifts. I have been attacked by the devil my whole life, nearly nonstop. As I now know my godly path, I prepare for the continued attacks and I expect those attacks to grow in intensity and frequency. I trust in Abba to guide me, to prepare me and to equip me for my upcoming spiritual battles. We are gifted with spiritual weapons to use in the war. 1 Corinthians 12:4-11“4 There are [a]diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. 5 There are differences of ministries, but the same Lord. 6 And there are diversities of activities, but it is the same God who works [b]all in all. 7 But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all: 8 for to one is given the word of wisdom through the Spirit, to another the word of knowledge through the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healings by [c]the same Spirit, 10 to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another discerning of spirits, to another different kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. 11 But one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually as He wills.” Our spiritual gifts are tools for us to be used in combat against the Devil. We are called to be prepared for the war. We are called to don the Armor of God. Ephesians 6:11-2411 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the [a]wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of [b]the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints— 19 and for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.” We are soldiers in this world fighting the good fight as the Apostils had before us. We are armed with the armor and our weapons. These weapons are used during our evangelism as called for in the Great Commission. Matthew 28:18-20“18 And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. 19 Go [a]therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” [b]Amen.” Be bold and use the events in your life to preach and teach the gospel. Don’t let the events of your life be for nothing. Use them to show what God is doing for you in your life, and how God has helped you through tough times as He’s helped me. You are an Ambassador for Christ and as we are just moving through this land, on our journey we are given the chance to preach and teach the word of the Lord. Don’t waist opportunities to turn something horrible, into something wonderful. Remember we are but servants of the Lord, we serve and are not here for God to serve us. Everything we do is to bring Glory to the one who gives us everything God, and as God has given, so can the Lord take it away.

 

 

 

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