single life – The Arrow Preacher

What’s Good for the Goose is good for the Gander!

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander! You know what I feel about this? What’s good enough for someone, should be good enough for someone else. Have you ever been categorized in a particular way? I’m what most would consider an odd duck. I have my particular talents, my particular traits, but mostly I’m not much different then most dogs, trustworthy, loyal, protective when I need to be, and I’m easily trainable. I am usually considered to be a nerd with the characteristics of a boy scout. I would think honorable traits, but perhaps not all that flattering. One thing I’ve noticed is the phrase really makes no sense. How many people tell you, you’re such a great guy, anyone would be lucky to have you! What, the what? See, this makes no sense, if you tell someone they are so great and anyone would be lucky to be with them, then why aren’t you, or why are those the people who are single the most? I have an answer for all of you, the dreaded friend zone! No one wants to be there, but so many nerds end up there. So many nice guys end up in the friend zone for reasons that for the life of me, I just can’t explain.

While I cannot provide any answers, and while I’ve failed to fix any of my own frustrations in this life, the only thing I can offer is God is still on the throne, and in charge over all. We may not always see the reason, or the purpose to our current or long standing predicaments. We must remember to have faith in the plan even when we can’t see it. God tells us it’s not good for man to be alone, so he created woman. I believe for everyone there is someone, and although it make not be easy, nothing in this life worth having is easy. We must learn to trust God with all our hearts, and even in the midst of loneliness, we must have the strength to carry on. Being alone for some people is a fate worse then death. We must take the grief and the pain we have, and learn to use it for the betterment of our lives. Much easier said then done, and I by no means am an expert in this. In fact, one might say over the last year, I’ve not done so well. It takes time to change, and to be molded. Time for us is fleeting, but as long as we continue to try, that’s the best we can ever hope for. Just remember, just because someone doesn’t want you, or someone doesn’t love you, or even someone who has loved you, then leaves you, this doesn’t quantify your self worth. Don’t allow people to be what makes you feel worthy or important. This is something I am terrible at, and I need to work on this every single day. I hope in my struggles, someone out there may read this and know they are not alone in this fight. I pray for each of you alone with the desire to have someone special, finds that person and helps fill that void in your life. Good luck to all of you and God Bless.

The Search For a Unicorn

Have you ever considered what you may be looking for or hoping for just isn’t out there? Waiting it seems is a constant throughout the world, one that we all despise but all must learn to live with. Some of us do this with more flair then others, some of us do this poorly. What is it about waiting we don’t like. Speaking from experience I don’t like to wait for long. I think I have a bit longer then some, but far shorter fuse then others. I’m not as short as to say I am a part of the instant gratification group, but I don’t think I’m that far off either. I’ve heard a great many people tell me I need to be patient, I need to just give it time, I need to stop looking because when you stop that’s when what you will show up, when you least expect it too.

It’s been 8 months of healing, of recovery, of self-reflection, life reflection, and rebuilding. 8 months may not seem like a lot to some people, but to me it’s been an eternity. My particular situation has been of isolation (not entirely by choice) and loneliness. I have found that the quiet of the house isn’t as bad as it used to be. Early in the process I felt as if I would never again be happy, that I would never again see the light at the end of the tunnel, but as time moved on, and I continued to breathe, wake up in the morning, and go about my day to day responsibilities the loneliness became a bit more tolerable. Fast forward 8 months, and that forward momentum and progress seems to be slowing down. Now 8 months later as I’ve continued to improve myself, spending more time in my Bible, making new friends (albeit internet friends) I find myself struggling to find tangible friendships, or even, the ever elusive date.

Dating it seems has become something of a skilled endeavor. I was listening to K-Love the other day and they said that the number 1 way to meet new members of the opposite sex for dating was still the old fashioned way, through mutual friends. The number 2 way was now online dating. The online dating world isn’t news to me. As I found early on in my 8 month journey my friends in this instance weren’t likely to provide any fruit. So I turned to the online dating apps and as I am now moving into my 8 month mark, I can safely say I have very little to show for it. The results of 8 months’ worth of exploration has been a few online friends, but nothing that has led to dating. I have estimated sending out over a thousand messages of greetings over several dating platforms, and sadly have come up with the big bubkus. Why has it been so difficult to find even a single date? As I have continued to reflect on this I haven’t been able to come up with very many reasons, and most of the reasons aren’t looking too favorable for myself as far as self-esteem is concerned. Is it me? Is it my looks, or my approach? For the vast majority of my life, my looks have been something of a rough topic for me. All my years I was told I wasn’t handsome enough, and many have gone further to say I’m just plan ugly. While I don’t strictly think this is true, I have come to the mindset that I am not all that attractive in the grand scheme of things. This however doesn’t prevent me from trying. I have not reclused myself and given up hope. The next possibility is that God doesn’t want me to right now. As this line of thought brings up a dozen questions, the basic answer is, it doesn’t matter. God’s design is far beyond our understanding and thus the rest is just a formality.

I have put lots of thought into the last part of that and have questioned why God wouldn’t want me to date. Could it be that there hasn’t been 100% resolution between me and my ex? Could it be because where I’m living isn’t where I’m meant to be? Could it be that I am somehow not ready for something, someone else to come along? It seems my search for a companion, or even just a friend to go out and spend time with has become a hunt for the elusive unicorn. As I have now been the victim of, or rather the survivor of 2 horrible affairs leading to being treated horribly in divorce, I now question if the person out there for me is there, or some mysterious unicorn that I may spend a lifetime looking for.

There are several verses I consider when I think about the amount of time I’ve had to wait and it seems still have to wait. 2 Samuel 5:4 “David was thirty years old when he became king, and he reigned forty years.” David was promised the throne early in life. He waited nearly 20 years before God gave to him what was promised. Romans 12:12 “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” We struggle with this concept, especially in America because of everything we have to receive instant gratification. Romans 8:25 “But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” No matter how long we wait, we must understand there is purpose to it. There is purpose to our waiting, to our suffering, to or tribulations, but in that we can always have faith that God will never forsake us, and God always hears our prayers and knows our suffering. Philippians 4:6 ”Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” We may think but God already knows what we want, knows our hearts, knows our desires, knows our suffering, and while that is true, the concept here is prayer. We must always pray, always keep that line of communication open with God. You may not always feel as if God is listening, but He is. We may not always hear our path, but no matter what we think or feel, God is right there next to us.

It’s a hard concept for sure, and one I myself have daily struggles with. When life is going well and it seems we have everything we want it’s easy to move along and forget about anything about our joy. It’s in our struggles we wish for more, we wish for the time of suffering to be as little as possible. Sure, no one likes to be miserable or hurting especially when it’s matters of the heart. The only thing we can do is keep trying, keep moving forward, and never allow the Devil to influence us to take the easy way out. Instant gratification is not the prescription for long term relief. In fact, that instant gratification will likely be the cause of more hardships later on in life. Keep moving forward, keep praying to God, and if you’re like me, if you’re lonely and you feel as if your loneliness will never go away, have faith, and someday your prince, or princess will come. Your unicorn may seem like a myth right now, but keep your ear to the ground, and your faith strong with Christ, and some day, your fairytale will come true.