Hope Rises

Hope Rises

Hope rises from the ashes of despair. The burnt remains of a life now long forgotten. When the pieces of your life go up in flames it feels like you may never be happy again. Divorce and loss are hard to handle. It can feel like all the air has been taken from your lungs. It can feel like all the joy is gone from the world and that there’s no reason to move forward. Betrayal and loss are some of the worst feelings you may ever experience. When you care so much about someone and in the blink of an eye that feeling is gone, lost forever, the feeling is indescribable. How do we overcome such loss? When you love someone so dearly and they pass away, how do we handle the destruction of our broken heart? The answer is neither simple, or easy, but the path to recovery is in front of us, we just need to learn to take the first steps.

John 14:6 “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” We see this as the path, the first sign on the long journey home. The rest of the journey is faith, patience and love. 1 John 5:1-5 Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father loves whoever has been born of him. By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome. For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?” The road isn’t easy and was never promised to be. Every step of the way we will be traveling through the thorns and thistles. We have been told the world of man is a fallen world, one of pain and suffering. John 16:33 “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” In the world of troubles there is a light along the way. Matthew 16:24-2524 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life[a]will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Faith isn’t easy, but those who are willing to walk the hard path are promised a second life full of peace and perfection. In our walk we know that no matter the pain we are in the future is still bright. There may be days when we feel we just can’t take another step and on those days we must reach out. On the days when the world’s too heavy for our shoulders and we feel weak we know where to turn. God will always give us the tools we need to carry on. We must turn to God in our bad times but also our good. We must always remember to give thanks for the blessings, and understand our hardships serve a purpose. We don’t have to always be the toughest, the smartest, or the strongest. “Don’t try to be a great man, just be a man, and let history make it’s own judgments.” (Zefram Cochrane) We are called to serve and follow the light. In our life we will be given every tool we need. We will be given the renewed hope every day. Jesus Christ is our strength, our hope, and our truth. We will seek for years looking for truth, seeking external happiness, only to find the answer was with us all along. Do not mistake me when I say happiness to mean a perpetual state of bliss. There are forces in life that will be a challenge. Happiness as I mean it is more like contentment. We will find days when we are saddened by life, saddened by loss, saddened by hurt and loneliness, but it’s in those days when we need to seek refuge under the wings of the angels.

We will travel this world seeking companionship, and sometimes we will find the one who will be with us till the day we pass, and sometimes those relationships are fleeting like sand in the wind. We need to recognize that life isn’t what it once was. As the Devil grasps hold on society people’s moralities change. Greed, selfishness, lustful intentions, and hate have now crept into every corner of our lives. To resist these things is a rare quality, and when you find it, hold onto it. For everything we endure there’s something out there that’s meant for us. Our path takes courage and trust in the Lord. We need to learn to see the gifts in our lives, and trust God’s plan. Don’t pass up opportunities the Lord gives you. I heard a saying once, “A man stood on his roof watching the encroaching flood on him home. He waited there for God to arrive. A boat came up to the house and they offered a place for him. He turned them down saying ‘no, it’s okay God will save me.’ The waters continued to rise and now he was standing at the very peak of the home. Soon a coast guard helicopter arrive overhead and a ladder was lowered for him to grab. He waves them off saying, ‘it’s okay, God will protect me from the waters.’ Sadly the man drowned, but went to Heaven. When he got there he asked God why God didn’t save him. God responded, ‘I sent a boat and a helicopter, you refused my help.’” The moral of the story is, God will help you when you need it, it just may not be the way you expected. Rest assured though that God will provide for you always. This doesn’t mean sit back and do nothing, but with work, effort, and faith, God will give to you what you need, and the faithful will receive the desires of ones heart.

I will leave you with this final passage. Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[a] 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

 Embrace the gifts you have, the joys in your life. Change your focus away from the things you don’t have and focus on the things you do. The desires of your heart if God willing will come to you with work and effort, but do not wish for the unobtainable. Embrace the blessings and take them not for granted. Every sunrise is a new day, and when the boat comes in seize it. Don’t be afraid to take chances, and always have faith and trust in God. Remember to always Carpe Diem Seize the day, and also Carpe Cras, seize tomorrow.

 

Held by a Savior

Held by a Savior

In the last year my followers have seen that I have experienced some significant hardships, but the thing is, we all do. It’s not about the hardships, it’s about how we survive them. Everyone experiences their own trials, and their own troubles. We all have our tears that pour from our faces, and we all experience pain that while others may be able to sympathize, or empathize with us, it’s our own pain and no one knows exactly what we feel. We all have our stories that can be either inspiration as what to do, or not to. What is it to be a man? What is it to be a woman? I believe the truth is in how we handle our pain and how we endure the cross. Do we endure with dignity that would make people proud, or do we allow our lives to fall apart and crumble beneath our feet?

It’s a fine line I think between falling down, and throwing everything away. It’s okay to not be okay. I think those who actively follow a path of self-destruction are those who throw away. I think those who follow that path forgot how to live life. Life isn’t easy and it was never promised to be. Living life is knowing we have our issues, and finding ways to live our lives by embracing them and using them for the betterment of others, or learning to overcome them. I have PTSD and I am finding how to help others with it. I didn’t get here without falling down. I didn’t get to where I am today without facing down the wrong side life. We fall down and we get back up. We fall down and we have a choice, do we learn to ask for help, or do we try it our way? I don’t mean help by way of friends, family or professional help. I mean God. We are always going to be stumbling through life. We are always going to have one crisis after another, and every time we stumble or fall, we have an opportunity to learn how to ask God for help. True healing, true redemption is through Christ. The blood spilt on Calvary’s cross that day broke the bondage of slaves to sin, for a life free and full of choice to live in the light of Christ, or the shadows of the Devil.

Bad things happen to everyone, but we can choose to overcome. PTSD doesn’t define me, anxiety doesn’t define me, and no matter how much it hurts my childhood, and my divorces don’t’ define me. I didn’t ask for this life of pain and suffering, but here we are. I’m not perfect and I’ve made plenty of mistakes. I have not always held my tongue when I should have. I haven’t always said the nicest of words to my loved ones, but I try hard to be a man God would be proud of. I know my Savior is Christ, and I know that in his blood my mistakes are washed clean. I know that I will fall and make mistakes, but I know in God’s eyes my mistakes aren’t going to condemn me forever. We as a people should learn not to judge so quickly. We should learn to see the mistakes and keep an open mind. We are all human and we all screw up. Instead of a life of judgment, of ridicule, open your heart with love, and see through the eyes beyond the cover.

We have so many blessing in our life and we often overlook them in our waking moments. The gift of life, the breath we take and the days we have are the biggest blessing we take for granted. The poorest of the poor in this nation often have far more then those of other poor nations. We have food, and shelter, and we have people in our lives that care for us. As for me, I have more money then I need, maybe not as much as I want, but needs and wants are very different. I have my dogs, my mother, and I have a warm bed to sleep in. I have my car, and I am debt free. I don’t struggle with bills, and I don’t have to worry where my next meal is coming from. I have friends that care about me, and are there for me when I need them. I know that no matter how dark the darkest day, how deep my pain runs, and I know that no matter how bruised and bettered I become, Jesus is still right there going through it all with me. Jesus is my faithful friend, and the Abba of all is by my side.

I know this year’s been hard, and that I have posted about a lot of hardships and pain, but isn’t that what life is? It’s not about the hardships we endure; it’s how we endure them. Pain comes and when it does we are expected to use the sandals and dig in and hold our ground. Expressing hardships isn’t a sign of weakness or even a sign of complaining (in some cases) it’s about how we can find our strength to persevere in Christ our Savior. We know some days will be great, and others will bring more pain then we think we can handle. We will see the peace of the meadow, and we will face the valley of death, but no matter what our day is, we know one thing is absolutely certain, Christ our Savior is always with us. Psalm 23 “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”

Remember one thing if nothing else; we are never alone and we never know when our testimony will save someone else. We never know whom we may meet, and how we may affect their life. Let me help you if I can, let me be there for you if you need it. My email is always open if you need to talk about God. We are called to lean on one another and help lift each other up. We are called to bare one another’s burdens and use our tongue to lift up and never to tear down. We always have the opportunity to help our neighbors and I promise you, you don’t have to look far to find someone in need of love. Our world is a fallen one, shrouded in sin and pain. It’s the love we are taught to give that is our hope. We are told to Love as Christ Loved us, and we are told to do this to all of our neighbors, not just the ones we like. We cannot surly do this on our own and we were never expected to. We are taught to turn to one another, turn to God. We know that without Christ we are nothing and without the grace of God we cannot surely do anything. I know that today, yesterday, and tomorrow I’ve always needed my Lord. I am not strong enough alone. I am not brave enough on my own. I know that I didn’t survive Iraq without God’s protecting hands. I know the literal circle of protection surrounding my truck that day was nothing short of a miracle. I know when I was shot that without God’s grace I surly would have died. I know that I have needed God and I always will. The Lord is my Sheppard, my strength, my savior, and I know when I cannot stand I fall on the Lord. Jesus is the only hope I will ever truly need, and as my needs arise, I trust the Lord will provide, and provide always.

 

The Purge

The Purge

Job 2:11 “Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came every one from his own place; Eliphaz the Temanite, and Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite: for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him.” They spoke out against him instead of offering comfort. While they never left Job they certainly weren’t the friends he needed in his time of sorrow and suffering. God would rebuke his friends for their handling of their good friends unfortunate situation.

What about when friends just up and leave? John 6:66 “From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him.” Jesus Christ had friends, followers that left him when he said something they didn’t like. When Christ told them the only way to the Father was through Christ, they ask no questions; they turn their backs and never returned. Later Jesus would be betrayed by Judas and sold him out to the Sanhedrin.

In the last year I’ve seen a major exodus from my life, friends that I never thought I’d loose, but many have walked away never to return. I’ve had friends blame me for my troubles, and I’ve had friends leave without a single word. It’s hard watching a purge like that in your life, but the truth is, in order for the forest to grow back greener, fuller, more beautiful then ever, sometimes purging fire is needed. This isn’t without sorrow and pain, but the truth is, sometimes the purge is exactly what’s needed.

Jesus knew many would flee from him because of what he was teaching. He taught regardless of the cost because what was needed is always necessary. The truth may not be popular but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. It’s better to loose to truth, then to have in the lie. It’s better to have very little, but be blessed in quality, then to have plenty and be worth very little. No one wants to live in solitude, but sometimes we need to see the world through a different set of eyes. No one wants to be alone, but it’s better to be alone then to be with people who care nothing for you.

Would you stand with the crowd preaching lies, or stand alone on the truth? God’s word will stand against the raging tie because it’s the truth. Luke 13:24 “Strive to enter through the narrow door. For many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able.” God’s word is the truth, and Christians will be persecuted through time and till the very end. You will loose friends, and you will watch as the world turns from you. It can be heart breaking watching close friends leave you, and it will hurt your feelings, but the truth is, if it’s so fragile that friends would leave for any number of reasons, the friendships weren’t that strong to begin with. As you walk in Christ you will find new friends, and hopefully one day a partner to worship along side. There’s more in life then we could ever see and we must have faith and trust in the Lord that brighter days are just around the corner. We never know how long the storm will last, but we know that one day the storm will end and the light from Heavens gate will shine the way home. When we go home this life and the friends we had, the friends we lost, none of it will matter. Have faith in the plan unseen, and even when you’re on your knees praying for relief, trust it will come. Never loose sight of the big picture and my prayers are with you, those who’ve lost friends. Those who have followed in the footsteps of Job, and those who’ve lost friends like Jesus. Remember the purge of old makes room for the new. Embrace the new as it comes. It will be different, and it might be hard, but change isn’t always bad. The change of your heart when you accept Christ will be foreign to many, and you won’t be recognizable anymore. Allow the old to burn away, and watch the beauty of the new budding relationships. Just have patience and breath. Trust always, and move forward.

 

 

 

Not Alone

Not Alone

Does it bother you when someone tells you you’re not alone? Does it bother you when you sit at home and wait for the phone to ring but never does? Does it bother you when you feel the only way people talk to you is because you talk first? Does it bother you when it doesn’t seem like there’s any conversation left between you and your friends? How often are you sitting at home waiting for anything to happen in your life?

If you’ve asked yourself any of these questions, you’re not the only one. I’ve struggled with these very same questions, and I have even seen it go a little further. My job, the people that are supposed to be there to help you won’t even call me back. It’s not because I’m a bad officer, I’m not, in fact I’m a decorated officer. I think the key to anyone being happy is realizing the world isn’t a fair place. You won’t get a fair chance, you won’t get what you want half the time, and people are generally just as bad. It’s a difficult place to be when you’re the one waiting for your phone to ring. When you question if you’ve made any difference in anyone’s life. I ask myself that very question fairly often. As I have sat waiting for my messenger to ding, or my phone to ring, I have questioned if anyone would miss me if I were gone. When you leave a job and no one misses you. When you stop being the first one to text and realize the only reason you talked every day was because of you. This realization is of course sad, and potentially heart breaking, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

No matter what your currently loneliness looks like, we al must come to the conclusion that while yes in this life you may not have as many people in your life as you’d like, the fact is there are more people that care about you then you realize, they just can’t talk as much as they would like. It’s not an easy task weeding out those who are just there, and those who actually care. I’ve had my fair share of fair weather friends, but trust me when I say, when the going gets tough you will have at least a couple people there for you. I know for a fact I have a few friends that have bailed me out when bad things have happened to me. Those friends aren’t going anywhere, and even when I don’t see them often, they are still around.

I think where the line gets burry is when we don’t have many people to talk to. I think there’s a distinct difference between care, and communicate. The age of communication is over. People today don’t know how to make conversation. We are quickly becoming a society of introverts. We went from texting over talking, and from there we went from texting to Facebook messenger, to now people only share funny gifs, or meme’s. The age of talking seems to have died, and with it the care to actually get to know anyone, or getting past the surface fluff.

It’s a dark place out there and in the world, and sadly most people are lonely. Most people are seeking for a connection and that connection sadly is more and more difficult to come by. Yes you probably are alone in the way that you live a meager solitary life. You probably only have a few people to talk to, and sometimes none at all. If you’re anything like me most of my friends have abandoned ship this last year and in doing so revealing the fair weather friends and weeding through them. Those left are the ones I know I can count on, and having friends that I can count on is more important then meager chitchat.

When you dig deeper and you scrape away all the nonsense the gold is really buried under the trash. You truly aren’t alone because God will never leave or forsake you. Hebrews 13:5 “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” God’s love for you is eternal. God will always walk with you no matter what season you’re in. Some times the teacher must let the student take the test alone, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t in the room. God wants what’s best for us and even when things go badly we must understand that there will always be tests, and there will always be sin mixed in with free will. Other people will do you wrong, and other people will try to ruin things for you. We are sometimes our own worst enemy and we must learn to overcome. While some days loneliness will feel so heavy you can’t seem to move, but trust me when I say, the Holy Spirit is always with you. Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

We stray away and we forget but no matter how far we go we know that the love of our Abba (Father) will be with us no matter how far we fall, or how deeply we fail. A father’s love is something one can never under estimate. Our Father told us all we’d ever need to know when he sent his only Son to be born, live, grow, and suffer and die for our very sins. To be forgiven no matter what we do if we seek the forgiveness and ask for our chance to be redeemed.

Love without End, Amen

Let me tell you a secret about a father’s love
A secret that my daddy said was just between us
He said daddies don’t just love their children every now and then
It’s a love without end, amen

 We may not see the world as it is, but only our small piece of it. It’s hard not having someone to talk to when you feel alone, but if you look hard enough you will find. Pray from the depths of your heart and your needs will be met. Don’t get lost in the forest of lies and don’t let the Devil win. You matter and your contributions to this world matter. Don’t rest your self worth on others, instead allow yourself to see that your self worth is held by our Father. The creator of all things made you and there’s a reason, a purpose for it. We may not always understand or see, but pray for a moment to see the way God see’s. Everything will be alright and just keep the faith. You haven’t failed, people have failed you. Remember that the next time you feel alone in your room. Jesus a master of the universe, the true King, knowing and understanding the secrets of the universe, had to walk every day with by his point of view simpletons that wouldn’t ever truly understand what he knew. Having the comfort that the Father was watching over Him every day is peace of mind you can’t buy. Never give up on yourself because you have so much to live for, so much to do. Find your mission, your purpose and God will help you along the way.

 

 

Lego Therapy

Lego Therapy

Some days are harder then others. For whatever reason we as people have different ways of handling stress, or negative emotions. Some people turn to liquor, some turn to being workaholics, some turn to gambling, or drugs, and while some things are absolutely okay in moderation, some things are not. I’ve known people who’ve turned to drugs, and I’ve known people who’ve turned to sex to hide the pain they are in. I’ve known others who have gotten so involved with work that they no longer make time for anyone or anything else in their life. Obviously some of these are better then drugs, and others in some ways are just as bad.

Last year when I was going through some of the worst emotions I’d ever faced in my life, I found poor relief in alcohol and Ambien. At night when work was over, or even on my days off before I’d go to bed, I would mix the two and would proceed to black out for hours. I wouldn’t remember anything from the night before. I’d wake up in the morning and find I would record myself talking incoherently, sending gibberish texts, and sadly making everything public on Facebook. Obviously in a time of crisis my decisions were less then desirable. I made poor life choices for about 3 months. Eventually my situation would escalate to a boiling point and things would get worse.

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Now, when I’m in high stress times, or feeling depressed I turn to Lego’s. For one person I know, she colors to help her relax and face stress. Now when I have a hard day, or I just need to have a distraction for a couple hours I get a new set, and I build. I put in a movie, and I start building. For me it gives me a chance to clear my mind, and focus on a goal. I have found that even a short term, but a very achievable goal helps me to let go of the things that are bothering me. It releases the stress to see what I can do, what I can create with my own hands. I think it’s important for all of us to find something. There are always productive, healthy ways to handle stress, to handle the worries of the world.

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Finding peace in troubled times can be difficult. Finding comfort in ways that are healthy can be even more troublesome. We often desire things with our hearts that are just out of reach. We allow emotions like pain, and guilt and shame to be the driving force of our decisions and we can easily be led astray in the midst of what can only be described as spiritual warfare. We cannot hope to win the war if we don’t understand how to rest and reset ourselves when we can. James 1:2-4 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” We know that Jesus is the one true way, and when we are able to rest our minds, our bodies, and our souls from the weary days, we can follow the words in Luke 21:19 “Stand firm, and you will win life.” The war is never an easy place to be, but war isn’t easy. Those who are faithful, who are living the life, are always going to be the ones targeted most. This isn’t to say others won’t endure hardships also, but the ones who have Jesus in their heart will be targets for the Devil and the temptations of the flesh start. Psalm 94:19 “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”

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War is Hell, and enduring the pull to the dark side is tough. The power of flesh is strong, and the desires we often hide deep down can surface. Know though, that we are all human and we all make mistakes. I have found new ways to deal with my stress, deal with my pain that led me so far astray, but damage was done. I can only hope that in my day-to-day life now, those mistakes of the past aren’t how I’m defined forever. In our pursuit to find our way we will follow the wrong path and find comfort in all the wrong places. No one wants mistakes to be how they are defined or seen, so we must learn to forgive. We must trust those around us who mean for us to be happy, and healthy and safe. Have faith in the Godly council, and have faith that God will give us what we need, when we need it. That includes people in our lives, the tools we need to succeed, and eventually flourish. We just need to be able to move day to day, and come what may. Find ways to handle stress that is productive and doesn’t harm yourself or others. Find the courage to resist what you must, and embrace what you should.

 

New Day, Cold Day

New Day, Cold Day

It’s the second day of the New Year and at the very least it’s COLD! Here in North Carolina it’ll be 12*. That’s quite chilly for this area. Now that we are moving along in this new year we can look at the upcoming season, and know that in this season of winter, while it’s cold, and miserable, the season will have to end. So many people suffer this time of year with the holidays, the weather, it’s hard to remember that this season will end and spring is just around the corner. The weather will change, the holiday blues will fade, and eventually the season of rebirth will be upon us, and when you feel as if hope is lost, hopefully it will be found again.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.”

 When we go into our new year we often say how much we are going to change for one reason or another. As for me, I am hoping to get back to work. I’m hoping to find a romantic relationship, and I hope to make a new circle of friends. I need to remember that just because I’m in a rough season now, doesn’t mean I will be stuck here forever.

No matter what problems you may face today, if it’s money, or living arrangements, or lonely, no matter what it is, the time shall pass, and the new age will rise. Don’t let the cold get you down soon it’ll be spring and the blooms will sprout, and the warm weather will start to sprinkle it’s way in. The windows will open, the birds will chirp, and the cold will be just a memory. We just need to learn to be patient when we are in a season we don’t enjoy.

When we are looking out towards our future sometimes we can’t see past the frosted window. With the right kind of effort you can thaw the window, clear the frost and see through the window again. Life is the same way. When we can’t see clearly we need to talk it out, work through the issue to gain clarity. Clarity isn’t easy to achieve, and it takes effort. We must be willing to put forth work to get something in return. If we want to see, clean out the clutter, and work on finding your focus. Have faith, and work on your relationship with Christ.

 

 

 

A Miracle for my Heart

A Miracle for my Heart

It’s been so long now, and while I feel beaten, I feel bloody, I feel broken, I know that you still want me my Lord. I know that while in this life my body may fail, my heart may be broken, and the scars I have may not make me attractive to others, but to you, I am beautiful. I trust in you my God to use me how I am. I trust in you that you want me for the man I am, and if I am obedient, if I am faithful to you, you will bless me when my day comes.

My God, it’s been so long now and I feel lost some days. I feel as if I am trapped in a dark room unable to find my way out. I sing praises to you my Holy King of all Kings. I know that the sun dawns every day, the darkness falls, and I am still here on this earth breathing. I trust in you and trust there is just cause for my unanswered prayers. You’re rich in love my Lord, and I must remember to trust no in my own understanding, but to trust in you alone. While I feel like I am walking in the shadows, I know I have walked in the valley of death, and here I stand. I have lain in green pastures, which you have blessed and allowed my life, my love the flourish. I have seen so much death, and yet lived so little.

The darkness tries to lie to me. It tries to cheat me, and promise me so much, but I know the truth. It’s been so long since I felt the light, and I fear I’ve forgotten the warm of love. The path seems so dark and with the fog of war covering my eyes, I close them to trust in you my Lord. I know that my decisions of old haunt me. All I can say is I know my Sins are forgiven, and I’ve been set free from the mistakes of yesterday. I’ve been stuck and I pray to be set free. I don’t want to go back, I don’t want to be in the purgatory of my own mind. I trust in you my Lord, and let this new upcoming year be something special. I pray to put this behind me and move forward, new, washed clean, and unburdened.

I know I’m not strong enough to be everything I need to be. I know that I am nothing without you my Lord because I’m weak on my own. I know that through Christ I can do all things. I don’t have to be alone in this world and I pray you my Lord would see it fit to end that period in my life. I pray you give me the guidance to better my life, to find a better purpose. I don’t know what else I can do, but I know you have the power to change things for me. My God my God, please change my life.

The Cold Chill

The Cold Chill

The weather outside is frightful, the cold frigged air has settled in, and the heavy coats and hats have come out of storage. The high today is less then 30*, the low is around 10*. What if the weather isn’t the only thing cold these days?

Have you ever felt as if you were getting the cold shoulder from someone? What about God, have you ever felt you’ve been getting the cold shoulder from God? We will look at scripture and deal with the cold shoulders from friends.

When God is silent there is a reason. In some situations God will allow us to run the course we’ve set. He will give us the chance to come back to Him on our own, and of our own free will. Isaiah 57:11 “Of whom were you worried and fearful When you lied, and did not remember Me Nor give Me a thought? Was I not silent even for a long time So you do not fear Me? When we sin and we sin often with no repercussions we become complacent to the words of the Lord. We fear nothing, and we fear no one. The problem is “The bill comes due… Always.” (Dr. Strange) No matter how long we keep the tab open, eventually we need to close out. God will allow us to rack up the tab without interference. Psalm 50:21 “These things you have done, and I have been silent; you thought that I[c] was one like yourself. But now I rebuke you and lay the charge before you.”

God even silent is always with us. God will never forsake you, and he will never abandon you. God is not like man, whereas man will leave you, forsake you, lie to you, cheat you, and hurt you, God will always love you. No matter what you may be going through, if it’s of your own doing, or someone else’s, God is always with you. It may be hard to stomach when friends fail you. It’s hard to know that maybe your friends don’t reciprocate the same feelings. It’s hard to realize you may feel more strongly about your friends then they do towards you. You won’t always feel the same about people that they do you. Our lives may lead us to feel more deeply for our friendships for one reason or another. Yes it is hard when you go day after day and your friends don’t reach out to you. It’s hard to be on your own. It’s hard to feel like you have no one to turn to, to spend time with, but know that while that may be the case, God is always with you.

You may be alone on this world today, but we never know what we will have tomorrow. It’s not easy to live feeling alone. Loneliness is a dangerous feeling. These feelings can spawn questions of your hope, but you need to resist the lies of the deceiver. When you’re feeling alone, and feeling down, you need to ask God for guidance. You need to get up and get out, finding your new place in this world. The struggles we face may be hard in the moment, but we have to keep pushing forward.

 

The Absolution

The Absolution

A year without many positive changes, the drowning above the land, and the wandering soul that hasn’t found a path, and it all boils down to absolution. Could this year of pain, of aimlessness be a year of punishment for wrong doings? I have thought long and hard about how it is I’m feeling, and as I have come to a point in my life, I know in my heart this feels right. Isaiah 24 speaks of God’s wrath and punishment towards Israel. God is the Abba and we are the children. When children make mistakes we can expect punishment. This is out of love not hate, not spite, but the need to show children the error of their ways. For our actions we will always reap what we sow. Galatians 6:7-10 Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. 10 So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith. When we are sent to the corner to think about what we’ve done we need to reflect on the reason for the punishment. We cannot hope to move forward unless we learn our lesson, lest we be punished again, or continued. Galatians 6:1-2 Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

 It’s important to remember that God isn’t spiting you, but it’s a punishment for wrong doings. The key is though, did you do something wrong to earn that punishment. It’s one thing to be caught up in the idea of punishing for wrong doing, it’s another entirely to understand people sin every day and sometimes you’re caught in the middle, that doesn’t place blame upon yourself. In the movie Miracles from Heaven the mother is told her daughter’s condition is a result in the mother and fathers sin. This is of course absolutely not the case, and in no way is scriptural. Sometimes bad things just happen. Sometimes we are going off track and we need to be nudged back on. Sometimes God’s plan is bigger then we can ever know. How events are used in our life may not seem fair to us, it may not even feel just, but we are told in scripture that in this life as a Christian we will suffer, but we are also promised the greatest tomorrow we could ever hope for.

It’s never easy to stomach the lessons we sometimes have to face. We want life to go smoothly, and we want to avoid the pain and suffering that comes hand in hand with life. While I may be, undergoing punishment for my actions, I know one day God will end my suffering, and move me to a new chapter in my life. In the mean time I sit with my nose against the wall (sort to speak), and I seek redemption and penance for my mistakes. Continue to do God’s work, and find how you can serve. In every situation there are opportunities to serve the great I AM, and when we serve we may find what we were looking for all along.

 

 

The Will to Live

The Will to Live

The bullet goes through him and bounces around on the inside. He looks at death and stands face to face. The world is a dark place full of scary monsters that always want to get you down. Life isn’t usually fair, and it’s not nice, but life isn’t about the lollipops and 24/7 fun. Life is about growth, and to grow you should expect failure. “The greatest teacher, failure is.” (Yoda) This isn’t just some Hollywood magic, but scripture brought to the big screen. Romans 5:3-5 “More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” We fall so we can learn to get back up. We fail so we can learn to succeed. We crumble so we can reach towards God and ask for the strength to carry on. We look to God for answers when we don’t understand. We draw strength through our faith in the Lord above.

We sometimes find ourselves just floating in the ocean, not swimming, not going anywhere, but we aren’t truly living our lives if we’re standing still. We have to find a way to push through the glass. “Forward… Always… Always… Forward” (Luke Cage) We are often like an old record with a scratch in it, we just loop the same few seconds over and over in our lives. Traumas can do that to a person. We live, we wake up every day, but what do we do with it? In 1 Peter 5:10 “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” When we suffer we don’t want to stay in our suffering, but sometimes something gets broken. It’s difficult to repair the damage sometimes. Sometimes we don’t know how, and we try to fix it all by ourselves. The thing is, we aren’t alone, we don’t have to do it by ourselves. The problem is when we run from the pain instead of embracing it and learning to live with the pain by being in control of it, instead of letting it control us. John 16:33 “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

When we don’t know how to do something we learn, we teach ourselves, or we are taught. We move through life learning new things, often every single day. If we have done had to do something how are we expected to know what to do or how? Many people consider therapy to be a sign of weakness, but I challenge that notion. When we struggle with trauma, or something incredibly hurtful, we don’t know how to handle it. We suffer through it and it often damages aspects of our day-to-day life. We push those we love away, our job performance suffers, we recluse yourself and struggle to find the balance needed to be productive, and healthy. Romans 8:18 “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” I would say that those who turn to cutting, suicide, or substance abuse forgot long ago how to reach out. Are we reaching for the Lord in our time of sorrow? Are we reaching to people who can help us? Sometimes in our own suffering we can’t see through the fog of life. “Living is not for the weak.” (Arrow)

2 Corinthians 4:8-10 “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.” Using the tools we have by finding people in life who are willing to help us is part of living. Again we aren’t always taught how to do something, and that isn’t just exclusive to fixing cars, dry walling a house, or dealing with extreme physiological stresses. Don’t suffer alone, because you aren’t. God will always give you someone to turn to, someone to help you, even if you must find it in the most unlikely of places. The shadow’s of doubt and dismay may lurk behind every angle but when you look to the snow, you won’t see anything but your own footprints. While the Devil is nipping at your heals trying to bury you in the ice, God’s Angels are always there watching over you. You only say the word and you putting your faith in the Lord you will be renewed and strengthened. Psalm 91:2-4 “I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.”