Tag: Renewal

Ashes To Ashes: We All Fall Down

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Ashes To Ashes: We All Fall Down

For the vast majority of my life, I have been hunting, searching for, and pining for friendships. I grew up without a sibling, and spent a lot of time alone. I wanted nothing more than to have friends. After I moved to the trailer park when I was 5 years old, I found a friend after living there for a little while. It took years before I met other friends. I met the two others within a couple years of one another. I ended up having two groups of friends, Daniel my first, and Joe, and Josh my others. When I moved though, those friendships faded. Over the years the second group not only faded, but became ideologically opposed to me based on faith and politics. I was a Christian, they were not. I tried to keep in touch, but they stopped returning my calls. Though I was treated horribly in middle school, bullied, and eventually faced torture: the peeing on my shoes in stalls, the stealing of my clothes in gym, the theft of my personal property such as a gold necklace, the constant teasing, even so much as being told after my mothers attempted suicide, “even she hated you, she had to try and kill herself to get away from you.” I was in seventh grade when I felt the first major sting of betrayal. My mother told one of my newer friends mother personal things about my early childhood. His mother told him, and in the middle of the lunch line, he told everyone. I was standing two feet from him when he did it. I was mortified at the level of such a casual betrayal and how easy it was to betray his friend. He didn’t want to get picked on himself, so he gave his bullies something juicier, he gave them me. After I left lower Michigan after my emancipation, i moved in with my grandpa. I made some new friends, but over the years they too would largely disappear. My dating life would become difficult also. I would be heartbroken multiple times. One after another would break my heart and leave. It was often because of the way I looked and their lack of attraction to me, or they just felt I was too different. Could I have been feeling too deeply about them? Could I have been holding on too tight that I couldn’t see the warning signs? During my time in the military, while I was good at my job, I was different. I didn’t quite fit in. My personality was odd compared to everyone else. It wasn’t a lack of bravery, or skill, but something else, deeper into my personality. After I left the military, I felt more alone than I had ever felt in my life. Though some of my military friends stayed in touch once I left, I felt incredibly alone, and lost without a direction. Military friends are generally bad at keeping in touch. While there for serious matters, it took my 2016 incident for us to create a group chat to keep in touch. Before I discharged from the military I got married to a beautiful woman. I got married very fast. She had never been with a good guy, and I was her first. We had physical chemistry, but as we spent more and more time together, that wasn’t enough to hold the marriage together. Even though I was married, I was unable to make any lasting friendships. In reality, I made few friendships while living in Europe. Two years in Europe, and within a few months of leaving, the few connections I made vanished like a vapor. Nothing stuck, and while two of them can still be found on my social media, we don’t talk. After a while I moved back to the States. While there, I found myself at odds with who I was. Who am I that I cannot make or sustain any friendships? I would begin to struggle even more to find and make friends. Again, I got married, but that would offer me no help in making friendships, her friends thought I was odd and weird also.

For many years I was in a marriage where my true self was hidden, and suppressed. I was subjugated into suppressing who I was. For 15 years I lived in the same area, and you’d think I would have had plenty of opportunities to make friendships, but sadly opportunity and successfulness don’t always go hand in hand. I wonder what it is about me that’s led me to struggle with friendships? JI have often found myself time and again watching people leave out of my life and never look back. All the while these people have often claimed how important I am to them, how important our friendship is, and how much they care about me. In the end, they walked away, and several without a single word or explanation why they felt the need to leave. While I am considered to be friendly and personable by most, there’s something about me that has led countless people to leave unexpectedly, with no obvious cause. I often care very deeply for the people in my life, and to watch them leave, hurts a great deal. I was recently told that I “chase friendships”. The statement isn’t wrong. I have gone days without hearing from anyone in my contacts. I have gone months sometimes longer without hearing from individuals. When I left my home last year, next to no one reached out to check on me, and many still haven’t. And to head off any nay-sayers, yes communication goes both ways. For a long time I would send 40-70 text messages a day to contacts. Often I would just say hello, how are you, trying to make conversation. More often then not, I wouldn’t get a single response within hours, days, and sometimes never. Eventually when I didn’t hear from anyone, I stopped sending those initial texts. The people that smiled at me, talked to me, even claimed we were friends, nearly over night, stopped talking to me when I wasn’t in the same building any longer. This is simply a problem that sets up the greater question, what is the cause? Is there something about me that people don’t like, or grow to not liking? During those fifteen years I did not make any lasting friendships, even at the job I spent six years. I made limited friendships over the years, and the vast majority have since left, many without a single word as to why. I once viewed this as such: I am the common denominator. It’s me that must be the problem. I felt this way with my failed marriages as well. Perhaps in some ways that’s true, and for a long time I was incredibly harsh with myself. However, I have now come to realize, if someone leaves without a word, that’s more on them, than myself. Just because someone leaves doesn’t mean I did anything wrong. I am reminded of a quote from my childhood hero, Captain Jean-Luke Picard, Captain of the USS Enterprise, NCC. 1701-D. He said this, “It is possible to commit no mistakes, and still lose… That is not a weakness, that is life.” (Star Trek: The Next Generation, ‘Peak Performance’) If I examine the loss of friends, it is possible they left, each with their own reason, that doesn’t mean I did anything wrong. 

The Arrow Preacher: a pseudonym I created that highlights both sides of myself. On the one side a nerd, a nerd of nerds, a lover of all thing’s superhero, science fiction, to fantasy. I love Star Trek, Star Wars, Marvel, DC, Crime Thrillers like Bones, and Castle. Military Dramas like Seal Team. The Matrix. The other side of me is my faith. I was told recently that I hide behind my faith. While it was said to me in anger, and meant as an insult, the truth is, I have done my best to let my faith be the shield in front of me. For someone to say in anger I hide behind my faith, only strengthens my growth in my walk with God. Years ago, I just started a podcast, a VLOG, and I was attempting to create something new. I wanted to stand apart from the world, I wanted to be different, because I am different. I began doing Christian content in my Green Arrow suit. I was told I shouldn’t do that. Someone I know and trusted encouraged me to stop filming in the suit. Even though I was hurt, and I disagreed with the reasoning, I obliged and stopped filming in the suit. It’s now been almost six years and I haven’t filmed a single video in the suit. A part of me died that day. I was being made to conform to the ordinary. Stifel my unusual individuality. I’m a nerd, a Christian, and I wear things like cloaks, a tunic, and a kilt. I wear Boston Scallys. I collect swords, and Lego, Batman figures, Star Wars items, and Star Trek ships. I take photos in the snow wearing a cloak and brandishing a sword. I have battle ready light sabers around the house, just in case the power ever goes out, or I need a blunt object for intruders, or just for fun. I have come to realize I am not everyone’s cup of tea. I’ve witnessed a lot of people leave my life without a single word as to why. Did they ever actually care about me, because from my point of view, and I’ve asked this many times over, “how could they leave, didn’t they care about me at all?” When I was a child, I was confronted with the same problem from my mother. See… Mom had some personal stuff, and she couldn’t be the mother she should have been. I have come to understand that I have abandonment issues. Even though I have deep rooted childhood trauma, and I fear abandonment, I don’t display the standard “insecure attachment style”. As a kid I experienced abandonment. I experienced being left alone physically, and also years of being alone emotionally. I often said, if mom loved me, she would change. If she loved me, how could she do that? I didn’t understand psychology the way I do today.  I hold on tight because I don’t want people to leave, but I am incredibly kind and understanding. I’m often willing to talk about all manner of things, but recently have discovered I rarely stood up for myself. I would allow people to talk down to me. I would allow people to step on me, and get everything they wanted from me. Married twice, I would often find myself hurt by something, and when I would bring it up, I would be the one apologizing for bringing it up. I was not allowed to feel hurt and moreover, I was not allowed to talk about it. People are flawed individuals. I am a flawed individual. What I am is a red blooded, emotion filled, Holy Spirit led Christian conservative. There are a great many people who don’t like that at all. 

It’s been a long road for me, and as I continue to deal with those who have recently left my life, I have to come to grips with the fact that I matter. My feelings matter. I have control over my own actions in life. While I am not willing to say I am perfect because scripture clearly tells us we are not, and I know my shortcomings, what I am willing to say is I have often done very little to deserve how I have been treated. I have had a history of allowing people into my life who only used me for my kindness, what I could offer them, or people who were nice, just to be nice. Only a few have held me as more than just a casual friend, and even then, many of those who did see me as a close friend, have also left my life. I have watched as people I love have used me, then discarded me once I no longer offered anything useful to them. This may sound melodramatic, but in reality, emotions aside, these are the facts. After my emancipation, and moving to a new city, having to make new friends, after leaving everything behind, I tried to latch onto people. I tried to make very deep friendships. Over the years I have found very few people that have had the same feelings towards me, then I do them. How do I manage this hurt in my life going forward? Seek Jesus, and know the truth, and the truth shall set you free. 

John 14:1-4 14 “Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me. 2 In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. 3 If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also. 4 And you know the way where I am going.”

My heart has been greatly troubled. Broken, shattered, and the only way to heel is to seek and find biblical counsel. Find answers in scripture. Seek what God’s word says on the matter. 

John 14:18 18 “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” 

Jesus comforted his future Apostles. The terminology of being called and described as orphans enters into my very soul. While I am not an orphan, I know what it’s like to be left alone. In one sense I have a small taste of what it’s like to be an orphan. My Lord Jesus giving His disciples comfort, comforts me 2000 plus years later. I have been told I chase friendships, and in reality, what I need to be chasing is Christ. If people will continue to fail me, what I need is to appreciate those in my life, even if they are few, who stay. I need to focus on my family, and most importantly I need to focus on my relationship with the Lord. This doesn’t remove the hurt in my heart that exists, but it does send me back to scripture. I must also remember that when Jesus was headed to the cross, after being betrayed by Judas, leaving 11 of the Apostles, 10 of the 11 would run, hide, flee from those who put Jesus in binds. John was the only one at the foot of the cross watching his Lord be crucified for our sins. That being said however, when Jesus returns, he shows love, kindness, and most importantly forgiveness towards his Apostles, most notably Peter, who didn’t just run, but denied knowing Jesus. Jesus shows us the model of what we should be, and who we should be. 

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted

And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

I am crushed in spirit. I am brokenhearted. Losing someone recently, who was very close to me, and very influential in my life, has left me with a deep cut, a wound that has rattled me. While my foundation is solid in the Lord, I am 100 percent certain, because I have grown so close to the Lord I am better at withstanding the hurt and pain I feel. I am not sure how this will affect my life going forward, but in life we are creatures of the now. We cannot live in the past. We cannot know the future. All we can do is make one decision after another. We can only decide how to handle and manage each second of our lives. In those actions, we understand cause and effect. Our choices have consequences, and we must face those consequences both good and bad. We must do all these things to the Glory of God. We must make our choices based on what brings our Heavenly Father a smile upon his face. We are not saved by our works, but our works when done in the name of the Lord acquire treasure in heaven. That treasure is not for us, but for us to present to Jesus, our Lord and Savior. We all get hurt by people. What I need to ask myself, is if I’m going to allow someone so much influence over my life, that I give up who I am to please them, and try to get them to like me by hiding or changing who I am to get them to like me? Or, will I be myself? If someone likes me for who I am they will choose to want me in their life. I have to believe it is better to be myself, then to constantly try to please others by sacrificing myself to do it. I allowed the Arrow Preacher to die. I allowed my spirit to be crushed, and I allowed the happiness and joy I once had to bring both fun and education of Jesus to the world, to be suppressed to please others. Will I continue to hold back who I am, or will I rise above, rising like the phoenix from the ashes that was once my old self burned and buried? 

We should never allow anyone so much power over us to tell us who we are, or who we should be, sometimes people telling us who we aren’t. Does this mean we can live in sin? No, not at all. If we are living in sin, we should accept the words of those who only want to help save our souls that scripture supports. But if our ways, our methods are just different than the normal, we should follow the Spirit. People have expectations and sometimes think, we must conform to what is regular or normal. That even if someone’s personality is not regular or normal, they must somehow contort their being to fit what is commonly accepted as ordinary. I have been passed over for positions, I have had friends leave me, I have had loved one’s stifle who I was underneath, all because I was different, and through it all, I allowed it. I retreated into the darkness whimpering, too afraid to fight. I can have all the feelings in the world, but truthfully, if I allow someone to tell me who I have to be, I am denying the person God made me to be. I must remember and face one of the deepest truths of my current time, God made me who I am. He formed me in my mother’s womb. God saved me from death multiple times over the last 10 years, and in that, I have grown into a position where I am the most free I’ve ever been. Today I must continue to learn and grow to be who I feel the most comfortable being. Now, I have a choice in my life, what do I do with it? Batman once said, “It’s not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me.” Am I willing to stand out on that ledge and let my actions define me? Or am I going to hide the true me deep inside, and one day be forced to answer to God why I buried my talents deep into the ground. The Arrow Preacher, the man I became cannot hide any longer. “The Arrow Preacher, after 9 years battling in this life, I have returned with only one goal, to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ. To do this, I have been made into someone else, I became something else. I am the Arrow Preacher.” “The Arrow’s long-lasting symbolism in human society is so powerful, so beautiful, I cannot overlook something so important, so beautiful in my own life. “The arrow on a compass pointed north, symbolizing the direction of God, we must always keep our arrow in line, and we must always remember which way to go. Draw back your bow, take aim, and as you fly towards your next chapter in life, remember to let God be the one to set your glide path.” 

(The Arrow Preacher: Alsahm السهم -(The Arrow), https://thearrowpreacher.com/2017/08/13/alsahm-السهم-the-arrow/)

Continue to grow in the Lord. Continue to find peace with who you are. We cannot ever be comfortable living in sin, but being different, being a little strange or weird is not something to be ashamed of. Yes, I wear cloaks in public. Yes, I dress funny, or sometimes use movie quotes in normal conversation, or have an odd office space, full of collectables, and art of my favorite characters in fiction. All of my time being forced to ‘grow up’, having my childhood taken from me, and having very little has left me embracing the desire to do now, what I never could before, collect. In my youth I was forced to skip over important years of my life enjoying being a kid, through it all however, I never became bitter, angry, or hostile towards anyone. I kept my childhood ‘self’ alive, and I never allowed the world to kill him completely, even if that kid was buried deep down. Yes, for a time that little boy was suppressed and hidden, but after I met the right woman, and after I moved onto the path of serving the Lord daily, that person, started coming back. The Lord uses tragedy in our lives to push us. The Lord uses hurtful things to continue to forge us into something else. “We must learn to be more like the Sword of Griffandor. Be strong, be forged in the sanctification of our Lord Jesus Christ. Allow Him to shape our hearts, and our lives to look like Him. We cannot be forged like this though if we hold onto everything of the past.” (The Arrow Preacher, The Forging Of My Soul. https://thearrowpreacher.com/2025/04/10/the-forging-of-my-soul/)  Like the Sword of Griffandor we must only take in that which makes us better. We must face this world daily and not give in to the Devils desire to break you, or to separate you from God. The Devil desires you to abandon your quest, the path the Lord has set you on, and in many cases, getting a believer to turn their backs on God altogether. “We must learn to Love all, to remember not to allow ourselves to be burned by the fire, instead allow it to burn away anything and everything that isn’t used to live a Godly life. While fire can burn away a life, it can create wonderful pieces of art. A sword for instance is a beautiful creation, a hand-crafted piece of steal that is forged in fire. A sword can break under great pressure, or can withstand the persistent blows it may endure to be used in protecting ones self.” (The Arrow Preacher, Forging Steel. https://thearrowpreacher.com/2017/08/11/forging-steel/)

While I was serving as a chaperone to the youth in my church, there were three young ladies who were quite obviously different. You could see their nature in the clothing they wore. Every week they wore clothes that were not of the normal. Sometimes it was old fashioned colonial style clothes, or even a hint of gothic mid-evil style. Sometimes it was a hint of steampunk, but no matter what it was, it was not clothes from Walmart. They wore these clothes every week, and didn’t care what anyone thought of them. They wore them because it was who they were. They weren’t trying to wear them for attention, perhaps quite the opposite. They wore them because they liked them. I admired those young ladies, and it often led me to wear what I liked as well, even though what I wore was very different. All this to be said, my journey is far from over. My path is one of continued service to my Lord Jesus. I will no longer answer to anyone else about how I choose to serve my Lord. I don’t care about the views or attention, but I will do everything I can to reach the unreached. I will continue my journey to reach the nerds, to reach the cosplayers, to reach veterans. I will allow the old me to return, so I can put on my true face. I no longer want to hide who I am. I don’t want to live that lie anymore. Who I am is not a sin, I’m just different. So, ashes to ashes, we all fall down, but I will rise again, a phoenix from the fire, different than what I was before, stronger, and more confident. Back to the path, back to the mission I was set on so many years ago. Today, I am still meeting new people, and some of them while new, haven’t run for the hills as I’m more open about who I am. Today, I know who I am. I am a child of God, I am created and loved by God, I am a soldier for Christ. We must be pulled back, before we can be let lose to fly, be an arrow for Christ, fly, fly towards the target the Lord has given you. Never quit, never surrender. Go in peace, go in love, go in courage, go with the strength of God behind you. 

“Live Long and Prosper”

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Letting Go

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Letting Go

Life isn’t always the way we have planned. Sometimes things happen and it hurts us. Friends leave or hurt our feelings, loved ones abandon us, someone insults us, all number of things can do damage to our sometimes-sensitive psyches. The thing is, pain is all part of life. When it happens it isn’t fun at all, and it can leave a lasting mark on our hearts. It can turn to scars and those scars if not careful can harden your heart. We need to remember that for every ounce of pain we endure, there may be something greater coming in the future we are being prepared for. “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. “You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” – C.S. Lewis. 1 Peter 5:10 “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” Suffering happens to everyone, but as a Christian we expect to endure great hardships. 1 Peter 4:12-13 “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.” Being a Christian isn’t always easy. It often takes great strength and fortitude to manage the trials day in and day out. People can be callused in their heart and they may say and do things that hurt and cut us deeply. We must know this and find ways to manage, and see this from a different perspective. Isaiah 48:10 “Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction.”

Set your eyes to the lord

 When we are down and stressed, when we are joyful and blissful, we should always look to the Lord. When our eyes are set on the Lord our lives are closer to being on the right path. Proverbs 4:25-27 “Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee. Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil.” We must look, but we must see beyond the surface. We must have faith and trust that our trials come with a purpose. When hardships happen are we taking them to the Lord? Colossians 3:2 “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.” The only true ways out of the fire is the Lord. When we realize we need the Lord we are one step closer to a healthy relationship with our Father.

Looking forward not back

We must have the strength to take our steps forward. We must always move forward and never go backwards. The horizon isn’t some place to ponder; it’s a place to venture towards. As the days begin with the rising sun remember that every day is a painting. Every day is a new fresh canvas for the Lord to paint our lives. Like a drop in the water, the ripples of our life from the smallest things could always move us into position for great things. Isaiah 43:18 “Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old.” All things happen for a reason and in those reasons we must have faith. We will be strengthened by our pain, and like a sword in the forged, it takes time, it takes fire, it takes the hammer, and the anvil to shape the beautiful steel sword. When sharpened we can cut through the enemy because we were forged by the Holy Spirit. Philippians 3:13-14 “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” The prize for us is eternal salvation. We mustn’t allow our past to hold us back. We mustn’t get stuck in the pain and force ourselves to relive it daily. While it’s not easy to move past the pain, but if we use the pain, harness it’s raw power and effect, we can believe in our hearts it’s for a purposes. Job 17:9 “The righteous also shall hold on his way, and he that hath clean hands shall be stronger and stronger.” Kneel in prayer taking only a moment to physically stop moving, but allowing your spirit to fly and thrive in the light of the world. In the darkest of storms when we have the Holy Spirit inside us, we may be going through our own struggles, but as a Godly person remember you may be going through your own storms, and you may be looking for your own light in the darkness, but think about it this way, what if you’re someone else’s light in the darkness? What if how you manage your pain is the strength and inspiration someone else needs? 1 Corinthians 13:12 “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” The reflection we see may not always be what we expect, but as we continue to grow in our faith, that reflection will reveal more of our true image, the image that was created by God to be loved by God, and when we look in the mirror one day we will see God standing with us.

 Don’t Dwell on the past

We can’t get stuck, we must move forward, and if we ever do get caught worrying about our past, we must remember Matthew 6:27 “Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?” Worrying about yesterday, and focusing on what we did wrong, or what was done wrong to us doesn’t add a single moment to our life. Now I’m not saying don’t reflect, don’t review the past to make your tomorrow better but don’t worry about it, don’t forget to move past it. When we do that, when we finally figure out how to do an affective After Action Review, we can adjust and overcome, and make tomorrow a better day.

Giving your hurt to God

Every day we have choices to be made. We choose to get out of bed, we choose to go to the bathroom, to eat breakfast, to look at your phone, or to turn on the TV. We make choices about what to wear, where to go, to go to work, to stop at the gas station on the way, or wait till later. So in our every day choices, are we choosing to let God into our hearts? Are we choosing to be mad at someone for what they said to us? Are we choosing to forgive or not? Are we choosing to remain in the fire of our own making? Are we choosing to remain in our own prison? We need to learn to choose to give our pain our suffering, our struggles to God. We need to choose to let God into our hearts, and have the faith to let go of what we cannot control. When we learn to take the hands off the wheel and let God take over, we realize that we weren’t ever in control anyway. Loving God is a choice, and letting go of the pain inside is also a choice. It’s not one that’s easy, and it takes practice, and time, but in those it takes and requires effort. Facing our fears, and our pain is hard, and we need to handle that just like we walk to the refrigerator. It’s one step, one moment at a time, and before we know it we start to feel a little less pain, a little less grief. Philippians 4:6-7 “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” The pain may never go away but it won’t define us. The betrayal of close friends, loved ones, may always stay with us, but we can learn to trust again. We can learn to love again. People are fickle creatures, and can be motivated by a million different things in their own life. The pain we have can be the forging fire and we can become stronger if we grow, or if not heat-treated right a sword may become brittle. We don’t want to be the brittle steel broken at the first blow, we want to be strong and dependable. If every moment is more then you can take, and you have troubles and you need strength the one place to find refuge is Matthew 11:28-30 “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Remember that the phrase “God will never give you more then you can take.” Is not scriptural at all. When you feel like you can’t take anymore the refuge you seek is Jesus Christ. God may not pull up on the rains to slow things down, but whatever you ‘need’ God will provide to you. You will always have the tools to get through the pain, and the suffering if you just look to God and pray for the help you need.

In every day life we will have friends come and go. We will have days of great joy, and days of great sorrow. It’s okay to not be okay, and it’s okay to just cry some days. Don’t get stuck in the misery, but remember God gave us our feelings for a reason and it’s important to remember some days you just need the sweet release of tears. Some days you need a good belly laugh, and in all these things beauty can be found. No matter what emotion you’re going through, you’re never alone. You may walk in the snow and see only one set of footprints, but that doesn’t mean Jesus is right there with you. The important thing is to find ways to handle those emotions. We cry to the Lord and even if we are crying the Lord is pleased because we are coming to our Savior, but sad that we are in pain. Forward always, and never backwards, because Jesus is always in front of us, hand extended to pull us through the day. Not for one moment in this life are we forsaken and forgotten.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Glitter In Your Head

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The Glitter In Your Head

When we experience a trauma, or a lot of stress in our lives sometimes our minds feel like a jar of glitter. If you’ve ever looked at a snow globe after it’s shaken that’s how our minds get sometimes. The key is to remember that after you shake it and shake it, no matter how hard or soft you shake it the glitter always settles back to the bottom. Our minds are the same way. No matter how hard you shake it; no matter how bad a situation is in the moment the glitter will settle. We have to remember that although we can’t see the center of the jar once it’s shaken, is like us not being able to see out once our jar’s been shaken. But no matter what, we can see the outside in time.

God loves us, and promises us that we will go through suffering in our lives, we will be faced with trials, and sometimes really bad things happen to us. “Loves never met a lost cause. Mercy says you don’t have to jeep rubbing down the road you’re on.” (Casting Crowns) No matter what happens Jesus will always be walking beside you.

A few years ago (more then a few) I was on a mission in Iraq. During that mission my wingman truck along with my own were drawn into a well planned insurgent ambush. I can remember clearly seeing the very large IED (Improvised Explosive Device) on the side of the road just feet from my door as we drove by it. It was only moments later I saw in the distance as the truck in front of me, my friends, my brothers where gone in the smoke from two explosions. The whole situation seemed so surreal it was hard to imagine the truth of what was happening that very moment. I remember thinking why am I here; it only lasted but a fleeting second. The sound of pop, pop, pop, in the distance, and less then a second later I could see a puff of dust on my hood. Still driving with only one hand I heard the metal on my door take an impact. In my head I thought, ‘were really being shot at’. The sound of the Mk-19 above me started firing. Both hands on the wheel I focused on the road. The calm that surrendered over my body, the warmth that filled my hands, the ease in which the thoughts came as to where I needed to go, what I needed to do. The hand of Jesus Christ was on me that morning. While some may claim the peace and calm was all the training I respectfully disagree. Although our training was fantastic I don’t think any amount of training can prepare you for the first time you experience combat, when someone else, or a lot of someone’s is actively trying to kill you. Think about that for a second. In all your life have you ever had someone attempt to kill you, actually shoot in your direction with such hatred and malice they wanted you to die? I’d be willing to bet the overwhelming answer is very few. As one IED after another was detonated, and several RPG’s were fired and just barely missed my Humvee, I could feel the change in the wheel. We’ve lost tires, I didn’t know it yet, but by the end we’d loose 3 of our tires, each were shredded from the bullet and RPG shrapnel. Later I’d learn that the tanks were hit that stored the oil, the power steering, even my wiper fluid reservoir was damaged. As soon as my foot came off the gas the truck died, and wouldn’t start again for weeks. Gods grace allowed us to exit the combat zone alive and uninjured.

Peace was with me; the calming affect was beyond words. Because of the grace of God I was able to keep my wits and calmed the storm that should have been going on inside. Keeping your wits about you is a hard thing to do sometimes. 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” We shall know God by faith, not by sight. We shall know peace by grace, not hate. Matthew 5:44 “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;” We shall know protection like we can’t imagine. This life we live is fleeting, only but a moment, a vapor of smoke that disappears quickly. James 4:14 “14 whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” Above all no matter where you go and what toils and troubles and trials you face know that the Lord of all is with us, watching us, protecting us. Isaiah 43:2  “When thou passest through the waters, I [will be] with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.”

Remember your life as a glitter jar, and no matter how shaken you are, find peace and comfort in the Lord. Find a way to steady the ship, calm the storm, and let the snow globe settle in your mind. The next problem will be just around the corner, make sure you’re ready for it when that day comes.

When The Sun Sets, Resetting for Tomorrow

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When The Sun Sets, Resetting for Tomorrow

Have you ever sat and watched a sunset? How does the sun setting make you feel? I have always loved it because of the colors it creates on the clouds, watching it change almost every minute. The sight of the stars coming out, the moon shining, the vastness of the night sky reminds me of how vast God is, and how small we really are. When I say small I don’t mean insignificant. I have come to realize that every life is extremely valuable and significant. There is so much to be thankful for by the end of every day. Even when we’ve had a horrible day the blessings that continue to flow through our path is immeasurable.

I’m sure you’ve all heard the saying ‘never go to bed angry.’ That’s great advice. Usually when we go to bed angry we sleep horribly. There is merit to the thought process of not doing this. There are a few things to keep in mind. First, what is there to be gained by continuing the fight with whoever you’re arguing with? Second, is the argument something you’d argue with yourself? Lets start with the 2nd one. If you are with someone and you argue, and yell and scream you’re really only hurting yourself. The Devil wants to create a wedge in your happiness and when you cannot have a reasonable conversation anymore you’ve gotten to the point where you are not just hurting yourself, but your significant other, and God. When you marry you become one flesh. You must remember how important it is to be that united body under God. Now onto the 1st point, negotiation is a lost art it seems. Why do we not learn to negotiate and compromise earlier in a fight? Why do we not find a way to prevent the argument from occurring in the first place? People will always disagree that’s the nature of individuality and opinions, but that doesn’t mean arguments can’t be avoided. We need to remember that God brings us together to better ourselves.

What about when we are having a bad day, a string of bad luck, we feel like we can’t just catch a break? Life isn’t a video game, there’s not reset button, there’s no saving and picking it up later, but what we do have is sleep, rest, and a new day. What a crazy idea it would be if we could actually let go of our troubles, and start the next day with a fresh perspective, a fresh start, and actually allowing yourself to actually hit the reset button. Really, it’s not so far fetched. If we learn to pray and meditate every night before bed when we pray for peace, pray for wisdom, and pray for the answers to whatever situation you find yourself in. No matter the situation we can use a few simple tools on our tool belt. First, allow yourself to decide what mindset you’re in. Are you in wise mind, or emotion mind? We can often find ourselves in a predicament where we are stuck. We’ve lost the ability to rationalize and be more self aware of the feelings and emotions that are activated in our times of stress. Learning to radically accept, changing your mindset, negotiating, compromising, and in general learn how to be reasonable without passing harmful judgments, time and again making things worse.

The new day gives us a ability to attack a problem differently. The new day gives us a fresh start and when we trust in the Lord to take away or lighten our load nothing is too difficult for our God. 2 Corinthians 4:16 “For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward [man] is renewed day by day.” We pray to God every night for renewed spirit and we shall have it. Luke 1:77-80 “77 To give knowledge of salvation unto his people by the remission of their sins, 78 Through the tender mercy of our God; whereby the dayspring from on high hath visited us, 79 To give light to them that sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace.” We must understand that every day we pray and we as for the Spirit to bless us, its just a matter of letting yourself have faith that God is in control. You may wake up in the morning and find yourself continuing to deal with the same situation you were when you went to bed. If the problem still persists try to change your perspective. Try to find the lesson you are to learn. Try to solve the problem using scripture, finding the solution God would be most pleased with. Allow your soul to catch fire with Christ. Allow yourself to embrace your cross with zeal. With every sun rise is a new page, a new chapter and since we never know what our future holds, why not try to embrace the sunrise and see where the wind takes you.

No matter the situation, the hardships, the horrors you may be facing in your life, there’s always hope. Proverbs 24:14 “Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it, there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off.” This sentiment is echoed again in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. “ We may have troubles, but if Christ suffered during the crucifixion a little suffering on our own is nothing. 1 Corinthians 15:19 “If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied.” As Christians we know we will endure persecution and hardships. We know because we’re told we would time and time again throughout the New Testament. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18  “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” This is not an easy thing to do, and it will take time to learn. Because Christ lives we know that we can overcome the toils of the world and reach for the sky every day. We can face tomorrow with fresh tenacity because our God says Christ died so we could live. With each new sunrise we have a fresh start to reach others, minister the word, preach the Gospel, and make the world a better place. Proverbs 27:1 “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.” When we take each day by it’s appropriate action we find that we put to much stock in our own plans. We try to plan every detail of our lives and how rarely are we correct. James 4:14 “Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”

In closing let the night wash away the mistakes of the day. Let the sleep and rest you find renew your spirit for the Lord. As the sun rises the next morning and wipes away the stars, so shall it wipe away your tears and worries. Have faith in the dawn, and have faith that in and through God all things remain possible.