Tag: Redemption

I Ran Away 

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I Ran Away 

In my youth I followed you. I felt you in my life, but only sometimes. I was mad at you, I was mad at the world. I hated what you did to me, and the life I had. I was so upset, but I followed you. When I left home I still followed you. You felt distant, but I knew you were there. I journeyed away to far distant lands. The sand I found was hot and course. The gear I wore was heavy and hot. 

The shots rang out and the explosions did too. The screams, and the shouts, and all the death, was silent for me, and you I felt. What could explain the calm and warmth, your spirit was with me, not so distant that day. 

As days and weeks past, I could feel you with me. The danger rose, as the missions did too. Why were you distant from me, why could I only feel you when danger was close? 

An explosion rings out and dust filled the cab. Its over fast, but there you were. With me again, I felt you there. An amazing survival, it seems we were untouchable. You indeed were with me. 

That day started like any other. The explosion ripped away the vail, and we were in a war. We weren’t untouchable. You gave me a vision, and I was powerless to stop it. Why would you do that? Why would you show me something I couldn’t stop. I was angry, I ran from you. 

I ran from you for so long. I didn’t want to talk to you, or hear from you. I was so angry I didn’t understand. 

I ran from you when they left. I ran from you when my world collapsed. I ran from you when the bullet ripped my chest. On my knees I fell just a week before, but I didn’t understand, I didn’t know, what I didn’t know.

Alone in the dark you said it’s okay. Alone in the dark I said I’m sorry, and you said I know. Alone in the dark, I found my way, I wasn’t alone at all. Alone in the dark I saw the truth. I’d been running, but not to you. You saved my life and brought me back. A heart of stone was stone no more. 

I’d been running for so long then, running away, my sin was dark. An enemy of yours, yet you followed me. I treated you bad, and yet you were there. I could not see my way was flawed. I ran from you, but you were there. I ran from you, but you rescued me. You saved my life, and now I see. 

My heart said much, I slung thistles and stones at you. I broke your commands and I broke your heart, yet you ran after me. 

So much I didn’t deserve, but you were there chasing after me. 

Your son gave it all so I may know, 

The truth of love, and sacrifice. 

Now I still run today, but I run to you. To your open arms you wait for me. 

I run to you, I run some more, excited to run, I run to you.

Into your arms I cannot wait, to be with you, in heavens embrace. 

I run the race; the fight endured. You wait for me with open arms. My path made straight, I run to you. 

No arrows may stop, no hurdles to tall, no enemies around, you crush them all. 

I surrendered myself, for you oh Lord, you are the one I’m running too. 

My faith is strong, and legs are too, for your strength you give, and endurance too. 

Oh it’s you my Lord I’m running too, I count the days, till I’m with you. 

I’m so sorry for before, I’m sorry I ran, I ran away from you. But your son redeemed, a path for me. 

So now I run, and tell them all, all who listen, which way to run. 

Your worth the run, and so run I shall. I will fight till my last breath, because you are the way the truth and the life. 

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Well Done

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Well Done

I was thinking about a song I heard recently called Well Done by The Afters. It’s about being told well done by God when you reach Heaven. I have always wanted to have my dad tell me well done, and that he was proud of the man I’ve become. This is something that will never happen of course, but having that affirmation has always been something I’ve dreamt of. All these years I have walked this life and I’ve managed to learn a great deal of what a father’s supposed to teach their son. I can throw a ball, I can ride a bike, I can shoot a gun, but there are lots of things I don’t know how to do. I have wondered what kind of father I might be someday if I ever become a father. One of my biggest dreams in life is to be a dad, even with the level of fear I have on the subject. Will I be able to tell my kids well done? Will I be able to watch them grow and be proud of who they become? Dreams, and nothing more than dreams. As for me I hope the only father I’ve ever had is proud of me. Sometimes it’s hard for me to be positive when I don’t know if Abba is proud of me or not. Sometimes I feel lost, and quite frankly I feel sad some days. I’ve looked back on the life I’ve lived and I see some great things, and I’ve seen some things that are highly questionable. All I can do now, is continue to grow in Christ, have faith in Abba, and keep moving forward.

I have to remind myself I work for the Lord, I don’t work for man. I write for the Lord, for the pleasing of God, and nothing else matters. Colossians 3:23 (NKJV)23 “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men,” I know I need my Lord, my salvation. I know I fall short, and I know I sin, but I know I need only ask, and seek the Lord, and I shall be forgiven for my transgressions. 1 John 3:2 (NKJV)“Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is.” I pray for the day I am called home, but till then I remain here, in this life, faithful, and doing Gods will.

When I look back over my life, sometimes I wonder how I ever made it through. I wonder how I never got into drugs, or alcohol, or mixed up in criminal activity. I often wonder how I’m not dead with how close it’s been so many times over. I know there were days when the pain felt more than I could bare. I know there were days when I wanted to throw in the towel and walk away. The storms seemed to last forever never letting up. Through it all Jesus was by my side, and protecting me. I have experienced so much pain, so much loss, and so many betrayals, but God is a loving God, and He hasn’t ever left my side. The Lord God Almighty has watched me waver, but has always kept me on track. I have fallen, and I’ve always been picked back up. I’ve had scraped knees, and bruises, but I’ve always been taken care of. The awesome power of God is beyond words, beyond comprehension, and I have felt the awesome power move through me. My God saved me when I was at my lowest, and if that’s not a father I don’t know what is. I have a father even if I can’t see Him, even if I can’t always feel him, my father is here for me always. One day I will be home, and I hope to hear father tell me well done. I pray I hear father’s proud of me, proud of the life I lived. I hope when I die, I will be welcomed into Heaven, and hope that the race will not be for nothing. What will it be like? I can only imagine.

 

Path Of The Warrior

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Path Of The Warrior

Can you look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re your best self? What does your best self mean? That’s a deep question and it will undoubtedly raise a lot of little bubbles from your brain as you ponder the true meaning of what is your best self? Are you living your life to the best of your ability? Are you skating by just to do the least possible in your day? Are you working your life away letting the relationships pass you by? God has given us a balance of work and family responsibilities, but also to evangelize, to minister to those around us. When was the last time you stepped out into the deep end to really push yourself? When was the last time you were willing to give everything? These are tough, thought provoking questions but it’s truly something we all must face at some point. Are you truly alive, because it’s true, not all who live are truly alive?

This last weekend I was given the opportunity to attend a Warrior Health & Wellness Expo with the Wounded Warrior Project (WWP). While I was there I got to thinking how poorly I’d done keeping up with my health and wellness. My physical injuries have become a crutch, an excuse for me to become lazy and complacent with my physical well-being. Since my back injury I have gained almost 30 pounds in a year. That’s an egregious amount of weight in a year. I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t think it looks so bad, but when I see myself in photo’s I am ashamed at myself. In the last several years maintaining weight has become a challenge. It seems and feels that no matter what I eat, how well, or how poorly, I still gain weight, and loosing it is an incredibly difficult challenge. The thing is, when I gave up the fight I was not living to be my best self, and if I’m not my best self, I’m not the best warrior for Christ. I think in my humble opinion, if you aren’t fit mind, body, and soul we aren’t able to be fully prepared for the missions Christ may bestow upon us. In the Army we had a saying, and I think it applies to the path of Christ, “Fit to Fight”. Are we truly fit to fight for Christ?

Truly, we must ask ourselves, what if we gave our everything? We want to eat what we want, and do what we want, and we think there isn’t a cost. We have the mentality that ‘it’s our life’ and sadly, we couldn’t be more wrong. Our life is to live for Christ and if we aren’t taking good care of ourselves we aren’t living the best we can for Christ. We as a nation have become complacent and we are not taking time to take care of ourselves. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NASB)19 “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? 20 For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.”  If someone bought us a nice car would we be grateful or would be trash it because we didn’t buy it with our own hard earned money? We cannot take our gift for granted, and we must accept that we only live because God breathed life into us. We were allowed to live and yet we walk around completely ungrateful.

Health is holistic meaning entire body, and if we are to be fit to fight we must be physically healthy and if our emotional health will be truly healthy the mind and the body are connected, then if one suffers, they both suffer. We must take our physical health as seriously as we would anything else in our life. If you are called are you ready to go? Are you afraid of the cost? What would you be willing to give up to follow Christ? Would you be willing to give up fast foods? Would you be willing to give up smoking, or sodas for Christ?

We need to take care of ourselves, and that starts with a simple word, honesty. We need to be honest about what’s going on inside our bodies. We need to be honest about our mental health. We need to be honest about our emotions. We need to be honest about our physical health. We can’t live in denial, afraid to face the challenges ahead. If we continue to kick the can down the road, eventually we’re going to have a pile of cans to deal with.

When I first had my back surgery I fell into a depression thinking of all the things I could no longer do. Instead of saying I can, my mantra at the time became, I can’t. I think many of us are like that today. It’s as easy as, my (blank) hurts so I can’t do this anymore. What we fail to realize is, there’s usually alternatives. When Paul was on his second mission journey he attempted to go into Asia many times, and each time was turned away. He never once said to God, ‘okay so I can’t go there, I’m going to just pack up and go home.’ He found another way, other places he could work. God doesn’t want us to just sit around, and we often think of our injuries, or illnesses as a hindrance, but what if those things are our Asia? What if we are meant to walk a different path because of those we will meet down the road in which we can minister too? Before my back injury I was doing well in the roll of security, and I was planning to move to Colorado, and start a new life there. Instead I had a major back injury, which led me to the path I’m on, which defiantly seems more God centered. While not everyone will go from a career into ministry, it’s still something you need to examine and really think about what are you doing in your newlife? It may be that you have new opportunities to minister, it may be that you have opportunities for missions, or even just a different brand of people. Either way, if you are walking with the Lord, you will find there’s a purpose for your change, for your injury, something God can turn tragedy into blessing. Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

I think of the path for Tony Stark in the movies, and that he was on a particular path in his life. He wasn’t using his gifts for the betterment of mankind. He was selfish, and cared little for the impact of the things he did, which affected the lives of thousands. He was wounded, captured, imprisoned for months, and this set him on a new path. Tony Stark went from party boy eccentric billionaire, to egotistical superhero. Something absolutely horrible had to happen to Tony to set him on his course to make a true difference in the world. No I’m not saying you all will become superhero’s but, think about where you are because of your illness, your disability, and think about the people you encounter because of it. Do you encounter others who are sick and disabled? Can you provide words of hope and encouragement in the name of Jesus Christ? Sure you can, and it’s likely that’s how God is going to use a horrible situation for good. Don’t give up, and don’t loose hope. If you are to be a warrior for Christ we must learn to change our perspective and stop focusing on the old normal, and look to the new normal. You’re a soldier, a warrior, and you can rise to the challenge. Find your peace in Christ, and then focus on your mind, body, soul, health. There are so many alternative exercises for just about anything, and so many ways to eat healthy, there really isn’t a good excuse for being lazy. I had to take a long hard look at myself to realize I am far from where I want to be. Sometimes it takes a little push of motivation, other times, it takes being pushed off the cliff. Don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself, get up, get motivated, and find what you can do.

If you need Ideas for workouts here’s a few, first is DDPYoga. This is a great combination of yoga, physical therapy and dynamic resistance. This can be done from a chair, for a bed, from so many different places depending on your specific injury. https://ddpyoga.comThe second is TRX which uses a suspended strap designed for different heights, for different movements, but is amazing because it uses only your body weight and gravity to allow you to work out. https://www.trxtraining.comThe ease and simplicity of these two workouts is proof that you can workout in any position, any health level, and make a difference so you too will be fit to fight. We are call called to be champions for Christ and whether you’re the warrior in need of motivation, or you’re in a position to motivate others, lets get out there, and start making a difference for Christ.

 

 

The Separate Path

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The Separate Path

We found one another and fell in love. We grew together and a life we made. The life we made was a house of cards, the wind came and it blew it down. Now looking at the wake of devastation, I watched in horror as the world didn’t make sense anymore. The tsunami that tore down everything in its path, it was a nightmare come to life. The blast from the atomic blast blinded me and left me helpless as I stood there frozen within my own mind. My body moved but my mind was trapped in a prison unable to escape. Failure was imminent and nothing would be able to stop the flood from coming.

Journey’s song Separate Ways sums up the last year pretty well for me. Having faith in the plan that isn’t my own is perhaps the hardest thing I’ve done. The horrible things we survive can either destroy us or it can propel us forward. When something happens to us in the past how does it affect us in the present? The nightmare that is left behind can play at any time during the day, find us in our sleep, and haunt us. But what if the demons of the past could be controlled? What if we could tame the beast and learn how to no longer allow it to control us? There may be hope if we but turn on the light to see in the dark.

Someone once asked me why I believed in God with so much pain and horrible things in this world. If God was so good then why are babies killed, why do innocent people get hurt? The answer is very simple. Free Will. Free will gives people the choice to decide their own path. We choose who we become friends with, and we choose the way we handle each and every event that comes to our life. Sometimes we make great choices, and other times we make choices that are self destructive. Sometimes our path’s are determined by the subconscious mind that wants what we know we shouldn’t have, but follow it anyway. Other people free will can harm people as innocent bystanders or out of cruelty or malice. God can interfere and sometimes does, but to put a stopper on free will in a fallen world of Sin would defeat the purpose of wanting His children to come to him freely. While miracles do happen, and God can play on someone’s heart, bad things are bound to happen.

I myself have been taken to the woodshed a few times. I’ve suffered at the hands of others, and I have caused suffering when I didn’t mean too. I’ve been brought to my knees and I’ve watched the world crumble and make no sense to what is up or down. While I’ve lost sight of the truth from time to time I always find my way back to the path. The Devil has tried to take me out of the game, to remove me from the board, but God’s plan for me is not yet finished. I can never apologize enough for the pain I have caused, and I can’t ever make it right. All I can do is try to atone for my mistakes. All I can do is ask for forgiveness and hope I get it. All I can do is try to make sure it never happens again and raise awareness for the perfect storm that hit me. While my path has diverged from that of those I love the most deeply in this life, I know that my love is not confined to my little part of this world, but that they know how I feel. I can never undo the past, but as I have fought to survive this last year, I keep in mind, there’s a reason to the pain. There’s a reason for the separate ways in my life, and I thank God for the blessings I do have.

Even though you’re gone I love you. Even though the end came I still care. God doesn’t abandon his Children. God never stops loving, and thus nor will I. Love in the deepest meaning of the word doesn’t die. Love always remains, and one-day love will concur all. Love isn’t weak; it’s the strongest thing in the universe. God will always provide, and even when we walk away from the path God will go off road with us. He may not approve of our choices, but he will always want us to come back. Faith in the truth, faith in the light, and the rest comes when you get your hands dirty with hard work. We may not think we’re strong enough, but when our strength runs low, we lift our eyes, and hands to the Lord and ask for help. We have faith that our needs will be provided for and in our hour of need, God will always provide. He provides every minute of every day, even if we don’t see the working of the little stuff. We don’t have to be strong enough, we just have to have faith. We can be broken, we can be lost, we can be afraid, but in God all things will be made right, and we can do all things because in Christ we are given strength, courage, love. Don’t loose sight of what’s important, and more importantly who. We only get a few people in our life that stay and make big impacts, don’t forget their face, don’t forget their name. Love can overcome anything. God’s love for us and the blood of our Savior shed for us was done in love freeing us from our eternal death, so if we could just love more like God, wouldn’t we be able to be happier too? Perhaps this Christmas you can start to love a little deeper.

Is That Really Necessary?

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Is That Really Necessary?

So recently my life was thrown a curveball that I truly wasn’t expecting. I looked at the situation, and I used wise mind as I attempted to put my emotions down for a moment to make a solid Godly decision. Just when I thought my life was moving in a particular direction it’s like I am running towards the finish line, and all of a sudden a zombie pops up and chases me around for a bit. It’s funny and terrifying. I recently came to the conclusion I don’t know who I am. In the last 8 months I’ve started to grow some plants, I’ve started doing small crafts, I move to pray for someone as my first go-to, I step back from my situations and pray before making any big decisions, and I am learning to accept and let go of what I have no control over.

When we want to play the white knight we have to realize sometimes we just can’t. No matter what we do we have to make sure we stay right with the Big Guy Upstairs. We can’t always be the heroes. We need to understand our place and understand that sometimes we have to say ‘Go ahead and stick your finger in that light socket, you won’t like it.” I think God does that to us sometimes. We get warning after warning about what not to do and eventually God says, “fine have it your way, but don’t cry to me when this doesn’t go well.” Abba truly tries hard to keep us on the right path, but we’re stubborn. We want it our way, our time, and we don’t care what we have to do to get our Whopper our way.

I understand that we don’t always see the puzzle past the single piece in front of us, but when the puzzle we’re working on gets thrown out for a brand new puzzle it seems a little unnecessary. I realize that God has a sense of humor, but still, the curveballs just make it difficult sometimes. I think about David when he faced Goliath. Here’s a Sheppard boy who probably played with that sling a whole bunch for years. He probably had little to no training with his Sword, but that stone. Much like Luke Skywalker “I used to bullsey womp rats in my T-16 back home. They’re not bigger than two meters.” If you’re David are you looking to God and asking, “Really? This is all I get, just this tiny little rock? Do you see that guy? Are you sure about this? Alright, alright, the rock it is…” David had faith that even though it seemed weird, it seemed far-fetched, it may not have made sense, the key is to trust God even if we don’t see the picture in the puzzle. We must have faith that even the strange things that come and go from our life that we know God is working the band like a perfect conductor of the most beautiful symphony ever written.

We ask God if what we go through is necessary, but we already know the answer and that’s if it’s strange and out of the blue and not of our own doing, then the answer is yes, it’s important. We may be put through trials brought forth by the free will of others, but it’s all part of the great circle of life and we as Christians must always keep the faith. Galatians 5:1 “Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.” We were made free from bondage to no longer be slaves to eternal damnation, but instead free to make our choice, free to follow or not. We are free to embrace our gifts or throw them away. Remember that the Lord Giveth, and the Lord Shall Taketh Away. Even in the strangest of times, the darkest of days, Life and Love can always find a way.