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God, the Ultimate Dungeon Master

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God, the Ultimate Dungeon Master

If any of you are like me then at some point in your life you sat around a room with a whole bunch of weird looking dice, a character sheet, some assorted books, and a ton of caffeine, enough to fuel an army for two days. I was a Dungeons & Dragons nerd growing up. Recently I was talking to a good friend of mine about the difference between Calvinism, and Arminianism. Without getting to much into the theological debate which I am just now starting to understand, it’s basically predestination, or free will. Where are we in our faith? While this point isn’t really important in the grand scheme of things, it’s trusting in God and knowing the path to salvation. While I do believe people have free will and we are not predestined in every aspect, I do believe some events are going to happen no matter what you do. As I stated in my recent conversation, “Kinda like an RPG. You’re gonna face the dragon, what you do is up to you.” (Arrow Preacher) Isn’t it an interesting thought that God is a master mathematician? In our life the vast majority of everything we see and touch can be found in math. If God were able to decide the percentages on every single decision you make by a percentage chance, and thus the future is slightly altered to suit God’s inevitable plan. But then my favorite theory, is actually the multi-verse theory. For every conceivable action we can make we do, and so on and so forth. A string followed by God who has the ability to pier through the looking glass past present and future. While all of this is purely personally theoretical, I will say for sure, God is the Alpha and the Omega. God see’s all and whether God is more of a hands off God, or God’s influence is in every single decision we make, it really makes no difference. God is God, Jesus Christ is our Savior, and in His blood we are washed of our sins.

Psalm 135:6 “Whatever the LORD pleases, He does, In heaven and in earth, in the seas and in all deeps.”

Psalm 115:3 “But our God is in the heavens; He does whatever He pleases.”

 Daniel 4:35 “All the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, But He does according to His will in the host of heaven And among the inhabitants of earth; And no one can ward off His hand Or say to Him, ‘What have You done?’

 Matthew 19:26 “And looking at them Jesus said to them, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

 We must learn to be steadfast in our life toward God. While each and every day we are faced with new challenges, new obstacles, we must always look to the Dungeon Master and when we are given the choice how we are going to behave, we need to remember the DM is always watching. If we are to live our lives on our path, we need to focus on what kind of character in God’s game we want to be. We have our option to how we behave. There are several alignments in the world of D&D, and when we look them over, what type of person are we? Personally I would fall in Neutral Good. I believe sometimes the law does not offer the need to do the right thing in every circumstance. I believe if a true vigilante or hero type person were to rise, I would support that. I think sometimes in the pursuit of justice a particular eye should be viewed. Man often makes laws that don’t follow God’s laws. Once upon a time worshiping Christ was against the law in some ancient countries, and believe it or not, there are still countries today where the church is still persecuted. Thus I hold fast to the need to be Neutral Good. If Christianity were to become illegal I would continue to sidestep the law in the pursuit to worship. I believe sometimes the law doesn’t hold what’s morally right based on scripture. When you follow the Lord and stay true to the Gospel you can’t go wrong.

Man is fallible but the word of God is enduring. While we are told to follow the law of the land I don’t believe this was a black and white standing. While early Christians were following the rule of Rome, they practiced their faith some in private so they weren’t hunted. This tells me that not all laws made are justified laws, and yet we must respect God’s decisions to allow the leaders to be leaders. That being said, as a Christian I believe we must always put the word of God before the laws and words of men, and thus, Neutral Good. Sometimes bending or breaking the laws of man for the good of God’s word is necessary. Have faith and follow God. Remember when you get to your dragon, you alone have the choice as to what you are going to do.

When Life Goes Sideways

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When Life Goes Sideways

Life moves along a particular course, lets think of it like a smooth river. Everything seems fine, and before long you feel like you’re moving faster, and without realizing it, you’re almost out of control. You barely steering your boat, and comes the rapids. In just a second you are facing forward to sideways dropping down a huge drop. You aren’t in control and all you can do is hold on tight and wait for the splash of freezing cold water at the bottom. It’s a horrible feeling knowing you aren’t in control of your own fate. It’s a horrible feeling not knowing what’s about to happen to you. Sometimes in white water rafting you are at the mercy of the waters no matter how well you try to plan it out. Sometimes you just go over the fall sideways and life’s the same way. Some days life goes sideways and you’re at the mercy of the events as they unfold. Even when you’re in the raft and you’re getting low you aren’t doing nothing. You are waiting for instruction, you are bracing, you are ready to jump into action. You might even be saying a short prayer not to be dumped into the 40* water. Life, like a moving, raging river has all kinds of surprises to it. Just like a river you can take it every day, but you never step into the same river twice. The key take away from this message today is when life goes sideways have faith in the Lord. When life goes sideways trust in the power of the Holy Spirit to see you through the freezing waters, the feeling on being out of control, because in all things, God himself is watching, and is always in control. God is never out of control, and we must be steadfast in our faith. When we remain faithful, God will bless us even when things are sour.

What is it to be steadfast in your faith, to trust in your theology? “All you have to do is live long enough to suffer.” (C.J. Mahaney, January 3, 2016, walking with God) When you live this life it’s only a matter of time for the season of trouble to come to your door. When it happens we are able to make choices and those choices will further shape our outcome. Hindsight is 20/20 meaning we have pure clarity of our past. We can review our past and we can have what I call, along with the military an After Action Review. This is a time period of reflection, of conversation of what went well, and what can be improved on. Life is the same way. When the waters are calm we have time to review scripture, to study, to prepare, and to be ready for the next set of rapids. No matter where we are in our journey there’s always going to be help, but just as Job found, there will always be those who rebuke you in the middle of the struggle. It’s important to not loose sight of your azimuth, your true north, and so long as you have your compass and you’re actually following your guide path, you will come out fine. You may have your knocks, your cuts and scrapes, but God’s always in control. Luke 21:36 “Be alert at all times. Pray so that you have the power to escape everything that is about to happen and to stand in front of the Son of Man.” We know that the storms will come and when they do you can be ready for it. No matter what, the storms will come and when it does, remember that God remains in control. Trust in the Lord on high and remember that no matter what happens, the faithful will go home. This life will end for us all, and we should not fear death, but eventually when the day comes welcome it like an old friend. We know that death is just the beginning for our journey to a better place. Life is a proving ground, and it will either build you, or break you. Life is a series of choices, and we get to choose what we want to be. We can be great Godly men, or we can be lowlife thugs. We can be inspirations to our fellow brothers and sisters, or we can be examples of what not to do. You will always be judged more by your times of struggles, then you do when life is smooth sailing. Ecclesiastes 11:8 “So if a person lives many years, let him rejoice in them all; but let him remember that the days of darkness will be many. All that comes is vanity.”

When Life Goes Sideways 2
Chattanooga River. 35* Temp Water: 40-50*

We will have days of doubt, and we will have days where we just don’t know how to handle. Right when you need a little hope, just look to the Heavens and ask for God’s healing grace. No matter your doubts and questions, fear is natural, but faith and love can concur that fear. When you know the storm is coming you do not sit and do nothing, you ready yourself, you prepare. Life is the same way. When you have time find your nose in scripture. Study, and be ready for the storm. You should be studying the art of war in preparation for the spiritual warfare we are always in. As the days go without toil, know that peace cannot last. Peace in this life is an illusion, and it’s when you let your guard down Satan will attack. Remember the Devil cannot take away the one thing you have on your side and that’s your faith in Christ. Fear is a liar telling you, you can’t, you won’t. Fear is the Devil’s number one tool. The Devil often told me I wasn’t good enough. The Devil told me I wasn’t worthy of God’s love, or the love of anyone else. I know that when my world went sideways I didn’t exactly handle it the best I could have. Luckily for me I have been given a second chance at it, and I don’t intend on wasting my opportunity.

Life is going to suck let’s just face facts. There’s going to be times when we aren’t having any fun. There’s going to be times when crying might be all we have. There’s going to be times when everything we hold most dear seems like it’s falling away. Don’t let those horrible times be a negative definer for you. Dig in your cleats and when the enemies are pushing back on your shield hold your ground. Find your God given skills, your God given talent, and your God given strength to hold your ground when the Devil’s pushing you back. You are soldiers, you are Spartan’s for Christ, and you can withstand any enemy. You can hold your ground and will make it through the night and see the rising son. Romans 8:31-32 “31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be[i] against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” If God’s in our hearts, and truly our foundation is strong with the Lord, nothing can steal our joy. Don’t let the waves of the seas laugh at you. Don’t let the lies of the Devil tell you you’re not good enough, you’re not strong enough, because on the day when life does go sideways, the voice of God will remind you you’re strong with the faith, and you can make it through anything. Do not be afraid of the storm, instead ready your mind and laugh as the Devil tries his best to break you. You’re a warrior, you’re a soldier for the winning side, and no matter what the Devil tries, he’s destined to loose. We know how it ends, we know the Devil looses, so what are we afraid of? So what if the boat goes sideways? So what if you get a little wet? Life may suck from time to time, but the worst thing that happens is you die and you go to paradise for all eternity with God. That doesn’t sound so bad to me. We’re all broken sometimes, but we’re broken together in life. Follow your compass, and be sure to check, and recheck, and you’ll keep on your path to the Lord on high. When life is tough and you can’t see through the storm, close your eyes and listen. Amen for the storm, amen for the lessons we must learn, and praise to the God who gives and takes away.

Praise you in this Storm; By, Casting Crowns

And I’ll praise you in this storm

And I will lift my hands

That you are who you are

No matter where I am

And every tear I’ve cried

You hold in your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise you in this storm

Raise your hands, and praise God. You may not feel in control of your ship, but God is. No matter where you find yourself, God’s right there with you, never leaving your side. No matter how badly you hurt, God is hurting right along side you. You may be facing hell, but the maker of Heaven and Earth is facing it with you. Do not loose hope, and do not loose faith. Lift your hands with me, and say Thank You for every tear cried, every wound we take, because without our failures we never truly learn. It’s not because of who we are, but because of God that the storms in life come and go and in them we learn to be better men in Christ. God hears us, and teaches us, and sometimes allows us to stick our finger in the proverbial light socket. The same God that calms the sea, defeats Satan, is watching over us. Don’t forget who we are when the fecal matter hits the oscillating device. You are a warrior, with the full power of the sovereign king of the universe on your side. Remember, sometimes all you can do is drop down, and hang on, and let life do it’s thing. Trust in God to get you out on the other side safe and sound.

 

Reference: http://www.sgclouisville.org/sovereign-grace-church-louisville-sermons/series/walking-with-god-when-life-goes-sideways-the-book-of-job

Push Yourself

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Push Yourself

We are often pushed in our lives to do things we do, or maybe things we don’t want to do. People afraid of heights for instance, but with proper motivation you can actually achieve anything. In Christ we are told anything is possible. Life will always challenge us. We need to focus on growth and not to be the stagnant water. Look deeper and see beyond your labels. Look beyond what the average eye sees, macro photography for instance is about more then what the average eye sees, it’s about looking deeper. We are all something, and in that something we have at some point fallen into that particular label. There’s one label that is above all else the most important, Christian. In my life I’ve been many labels, son, student, employee, boyfriend, soldier, fiancé’, husband, but when all of those things were taken away what was I? When my labels crumbled like loose sand in my hands, I was left in a state of freefall. Fear of not knowing who I was, fear of not knowing who we are is a big motivator to self destruction. Fear makes people do all kinds of strange things, but we have the opportunity to dig deep, find something new, find something real, and change our tomorrow. We need to do one thing first, and that’s push yourself.

Push Yourself

I’ve never been afraid of most things other people are. Heights, water, spiders, snakes, or other things like that have never bothered me. My fears have always been strange. I had a fear when I was younger of stuff falling out of my pockets into the water. I grew out of that, but over time, one loss after another I would fear above all else abandonment. One after another the losses I faced forced me to hold on just a little tighter to the next person. I wasn’t ever jealous or controlling but I would talk often via text, or call. Since my wife left, now ex wife, I have found those whom I’ve been romantically interested in, hasn’t stuck around long. This experience that’s repeated over and over has left me doubting myself. Thus, the nature of this post. When we get to a point in our lives when we doubt ourselves we must learn to push beyond so we can grow. How do we grow if we don’t push ourselves past the limits of our own minds?

Fear can be a good thing, it can let us know when we are in real danger, but in some ways, fear is a prison within our own mind. Fear of something bad happening to you when in reality there’s very low likelihood anything will happen. I have been uncomfortable going into crowded stores ever since I returned from Iraq, but if I go with a battle buddy I’m okay. I know people who are afraid of heights, and the ocean, and spiders, and snakes, and I would surmise most fears are based on our own mortality. If you trust in God, have faith in your salvation, then are you really afraid to die? How do we push beyond our fears and end the prison we’ve remained in? When I was in South Carolina I found my battle buddies facing off with some of their biggest fears. Some guys were terrified to open up about their experiences. Some were afraid of heights, and some were afraid of rafting. Each and every man faced some fear, some big challenge and come out on the other side a different person. When we push our faith to our limits will we crack under the pressure, or rise above and grow. 2 Peter 3:18 “18 But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen.”

Push yourself 2

We should walk with the knowledge that we may need to remove ourselves from our own heads, and focus on the tasks at hand. We can’t allow ourselves to freeze with fear, because someone’s counting on you. We have an obligation to push past the fear. “There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” (John Lennon) Do not run from that danger, run towards it. Brace yourself for it, take a big breath of air, and dive right in. Plunge into that fear and show it who’s boss. “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” (Plato) We as adults have learned to concur some fears, and yet some remain intact. When we trust in the Lord and we are able to look at life without a fear of the end because when the end comes we know where we are headed. “I’ve known fear. It’s a very healthy thing, most of the time. You warn us of danger, remind us of our limits, protect us from carelessness. I’ve learned to trust fear.” (Captain Kathryn Janeway) If we are to be completely honest with ourselves why is there fear? As I mentioned earlier, fear can be a great tool to tell us when there’s danger, limits, etc. But in the end, most things I would say are left for one thing and one thing alone, concurred. “You know as well as I do that fear only exists for one purpose: to be conquered.” (Captain Kathryn Janeway)

 Do not fall victim to your own fears. Learn to rise above and to push yourself because when you do, the sense of pride, and accomplishments will replace that fear. The day may come when you’re faced with a challenge and that challenge may bring you tremendous amounts of fear. In that time I challenge you to face your fear, dig deep and rise above. Allow the Holy Spirit to enter your heart and know that you will be carried through. We can concur anything because we’ve already concurred death through the blood of Christ. What more do we need to fear in the end when we know what awaits us past the fields of green? I know my own fear of abandonment runs deep, and I know one day I will have to face it, and I pray for strength when that day comes. I don’t want to be alone my whole life. I don’t want to fail my family in having kids to carry on the family line. I don’t want to be a failure in this life, and my battles I face aren’t in the physical world, but the battlefield in within my own heart. The battle that has been waging for many years between the Devil’s lies, and the voice of Jesus. In my heart the war wages on and some battles are won by the light, and others the dark, but as I grow in my faith, more and more battles score the win for my Savior. I’m not perfect and I have my struggles like anyone else, but it’s in those struggles I choose to never quit, never surrender, and I never, ever back down from a fight with the Devil. One loss after another, the Devil has now grown to fear me. The attacks come more frequently then they used to, but when we feel cornered we feel desperate, and the Devil’s desperate to trap me, and all of you in his snares. The Devil is loosing ground every time someone drops to their knees and prays. The Devil lashes out for every person saved, for every marriage reunited, for every forgiving heart that lets go of the wrongs from a loved one. The Devil fears the Christian heart, and thus the Devil turns that fear into rage. When we face fear with love, with hope, we can climb that tallest mountain and see the wonders of this world. Face your fears and grow beyond them. Push yourself to new limits, and watch as the things you thought you could never do now become milestones for you to break through. Fear not for the Lord is always with you. John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” Face your fears, face yourself, and you can rise to new levels. Courage is the remedy for fear. Courage in the face of fears is rising above and not allowing fear to drag you down. Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Trust in the Lord, and believe that if the day comes, the Lord will either protect you, or bring you home to paradise. Either or, the outcome is pretty nice. Isaiah 35:4 “say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.”

 

The Uneven Path

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The Uneven Path

A journey walked with the Lord may not be a smooth path, but often in life it’s the uneven path that leads to the most reward. We can see this in nature also. Recently I was in South Carolina and on a hike, once off the beaten path I found myself climbing a cliff to get to the middle of the top of a waterfall. It took strength, faith, and courage, but once on the top, despite the risk, it was worth it. To sit in the middle of a 75-foot or more waterfall was amazing. The serenity it brought was astonishing. Without taking the time to follow the uneven path, the wonders of what was hidden in the forest would not have been seen. Getting there wasn’t easy, but the beauty I saw with my own eyes was worth every struggle.

I’ve put a lot of thought in the paths of life. Many people choose to just go with the flow, but although it may be easier, and offer less in the way of pain, do we ever reach our true potential if we don’t push ourselves? Psalm 25:4-5 “4 Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. 5 Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.” The path we choose to take may often show God our true nature. Are we the type to make the right decision no matter who’s watching? Do we have a sense of dignity, or integrity? Integrity is “doing the right thing even when no one’s watching.” It’s not easy walking the path of righteousness, but God see’s not just our actions, but also the content of our heart. The path of Christ is a difficult one. The trials that come to those who are followers of our Lord and Savior can often be crushing. If we are saved however, the worst they can do is break us down. While we aren’t perfect, and we feel, the life we live will have it’s obstacles. The thing with the uneven path is the beauty that lies beyond the struggle. Nothing in this life is free, and often the biggest reward comes from the most effort.

Sometimes to get the chance to see the view you have to climb the rugged path. We never know our true capability until we challenge ourselves. We never know what we’re made of till we are pushed to our limit and then beyond. When we are put in a position to throw our comfort zone out the window, and face the bitter cold water, the rugged root path, the freezing cold rapids, we see what we’re made of. This last week I watched as my fellow veteran brothers as they were pushed to their limits, and then beyond. From a fear of heights, debilitating, and yet no matter what it was, everyone, every single person, pushed themselves beyond what they thought they could manage, and overcame their threshold. It was beautiful watching men rediscover their inner boyhood, and heal wounds long overdue.

Jeremiah 17:14 “Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise.” In all things Christ can heal. In the will of God nothing is to big, nothing is to small. We praise our Lord and Savior and we follow Christ, the healing power of those waters can heal the wounds of our hearts. Being damaged is not the end of the road but the beginning of a new. In the morning you will wake up and you will feel the flame, and you will feel yourself on fire. The Holy Spirit can move you, heal you, and shape you. The hurt from our rugged path can feel crushing, but as we forge steel, the fire burns away the impurities, and what’s left is a sword of righteousness. Let that path shape you, let it move you beyond the norm, and find yourself among the hidden beauty in the woods. God’s waiting for you, and the day your path leads you to that clearing, and you see the fire, grab on tight, and don’t loose hope, don’t loose faith, let it burn away all the things you aren’t. Find your path to Christ and get up and move. Your path can lead you to wide wonders, or disaster. We have so many choices in our life, every thought, to feeling, to action, what do we choose to do with our time? When we spend our days struggling to make sense of what’s wrong on the inside, are we making a choice to sit in our sorrow, or are we lost in it? I think it’s a little of both. In our walk, especially mine with PTSD, some days the best I can achieve is getting out of bed and opening my eyes. Other days I’m on fire for the Lord and I go out and preach my heart out. It’s a roller coaster for sure, but every day we have is a gift. We are more today then we were yesterday. Every day our brain is filled with the food we put in to it. We can fill our brain with positive thoughts that grow us, thoughts that make us better, or, we can fuel our mind with doubt, anger, hate, and sorrow. Making the change isn’t easy, but it can be done. See when we are trying to change the way we think, when we are trying to change the fundamentals of our thoughts, it’s an uneven, rocky path.

Here’s the thing we all need to remember, Christ washed away the worst parts of our journey for us. The blood of Christ spilt turned the impassible gorge of hellfire and brimstone, to a bridge of light. We have hope now in our walk, and though there will be obstacles to challenge us along the way, there’s nothing we can’t overcome. We may have to take the path less traveled, but as long as we keep our Azimuth north, and we check and recheck our path, we will one day reach the bridge of light. Sure we’ll have some small cliffs, maybe some wild animals to contend with, but no matter what we face, we know that the Lord of all creation is with us. We know that God can do wonderful things because of how many points we can turn to in scripture. Jesus calms the storm, or Jesus turning water into aged wine. We must have faith in our walk and know that in our time of need, our prayers will be heard. Matthew 17:20 “He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” No matter the difficulty we face, tomorrow is a new day. If we can just get through the day, sometimes even the moment, the next one will come. Life can be hard, and sometimes people question this life we live. Life is always, always worth living. We never know what this journey has to offer, and although the journey may be strong some days, the beauty that awaits us later is worth every ounce of pain today. Have hope and look to tomorrow. Trust in the Lord that he is with you, near you, helping you and guiding you. We must learn to remove ourselves from the voice in the wind that lies to us. The Devil will try many different ways to break you down, but you must remain strong, keep the faith, and focus on the goals.

Recently I found myself in a situation I was very uncomfortable. I was freezing, and wet. I couldn’t feel my toes, and my hands felt like they where stuck in a particular position, but in my head, I forced the negative feelings out, and I kept focusing on the task at hand. I focused on my brothers in my raft, and keeping them on task, motivated. I reassured, and led from the front. Each one of my brothers struggled in different ways, and despite our hurt, we came together and accomplished our task. It’s amazing how no matter where you find yourself, your brain has the ability to compensate and get you through. Face your fears, and face your inner demons. Find your purpose by searching God’s word, and God’s grace. You are perfectly made by our Father, and you have been given gifts to use for the Glory of our King. Don’t be scared of the journey, instead be afraid of what you might miss if you don’t take it. There is so much beauty in this world, and we need to be willing to take the chance to see it. We can’t foresee what tomorrow may bring, but we can’t allow the unknown to scare us away from greatness. We only get to live this life once, and the worst life can do is end, if that happens we know if Jesus is our rock, our center, the end for this life is just the beginning of a better one after. Paradise awaits us for those willing to take the uneven path.

 

 

Rested

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Rested

 After a year and some change of writing it became clear to me a vacation was needed. I only intended to post for a year and one day, but as fate would have it, when that time came I was compelled to write and post. God however is not without a certain sense of humor. 16 days after my last blog I was suppose to write I was selected to attend a project Odyssey, hosted by Wounded Warrior Project. What I had planned was to write and blog my experiences, but instead I found poor cell phone signal, and no Internet. Fate it seems was for me to take a vacation like it or not.

The week would be a week I will not likely forget anytime soon. I found something along the way, and lost something also. I would face many challenges along my journey, my own odyssey. As I would go from day to day I would face it and it forced me to search and dig deep inside myself. While the physical challenges wouldn’t come till Wednesday, the emotional gut check started nearly right away. The entire Odyssey I would face my emotional challenge of not withdrawing into myself. I have always felt that I never truly fit in, even around people I knew for years. Finding my place has always been a challenge for me. For me the trials it seems has been in my own head, and not founded in reality. I didn’t realize this until September 21st 2016. I was faced with this reality and it forced me to do some deep internal soul searching. As my journey to find and make new friends seemed to be failing, God again, is not without a sense of humor. In one week I would make 13 new brothers, and find my own place within the group. I would go from Mango to Preacher. I would make a transformation and I would realize that I have a place in this world. I would meet a man that I would have such a close connection to because of our personal connection. We have influenced one another’s lives despite not ever meeting. It’s clear to me that God has been working in my life to bring a thousand pieces together.

Sometimes in our life we need to take a step back, and refocus our place. For me, this week gave me the opportunity to learn from others going through similar and worse situations then myself. The ability to step back and learn what it means to be a child of the King is so important. We are all important to God and how we choose to act, and behave is important. I hope in the following weeks I’m able to take what I have found and what I’ve learned, and put it to use within my daily blogs and more importantly my daily walk in Christ. Going forward without the set standard to post daily, now I will post when I am ready to post. Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I know finding rest in today’s world is hard. We are a go society, and the idea of actually taking time off to rest, for many is a foreign ideal. The thing is we can easily become wrapped up in life and forget to live.

For years I have struggled to find myself, and feel at peace with the battle waging within. I saw myself in the mirror and questioned much. Facing the pain of if I fit in or not, and questioning my own self worth, I came to find peace this week. It’s not easy to live in the positivity and forcing a change in personality to be a person of light instead of darkness. From the time we have a thought, to the feeling, to action, we have the ability to make a choice to how we allow something to affect us. We are faced with perspective all the time in life, but with practice we can get better with not letting as much bother us, or at the very least, how long we allow it to stay in our lives. Peace, is a blessing, and a gift when it comes. Psalm 4:8 “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.” Jesus Christ is the way, the truth, the life, and in our life, our faith will be what we have to grip to when the road gets bumpy. When you are lost, you must first rest to collect your thoughts. Take time to meditate on the word, slow your breathing, and re-center. When you are lost and weary rest your head on the lap of Abba. I went seeking friendship, but what I found was a friend within myself. I found a piece of myself that I thought was long forgotten. I am a warrior and I’m a warrior for Christ. I am worth more then I think I am, and in Jesus I am going to inherit paradise. I have been saved by the blood, and living in the living waters of the Holy Spirit gives me peace. Find your grace and peace. Find your breath, and follow the light. Take time every day to rest your mind in prayer and meditation. I think every day we need to take a short time and focus on our mental health. Give our brain time to rest. Don’t get lost in the world, get lost in the Word of God. I now have 13 Brothers to hold me accountable. I found more on my Odyssey then I ever imagined I could. I am worth while, I am a Warrior, and I am a child of the King.

 

Build Your House On God

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Build Your House On God

Where is your home? Where do you live? We all have some sort of feelings of home. For most home is a positive feeling. It’s a safe haven away from the world where you are free to express yourself. You’re free to be yourself, and to unwind. For Christians we believe that this world we live in is only temporary and home is Heaven. We all want a sense of stability in our life, but what does that look like? Stability is the state of being stable, of things changing slowly if at all. “The great American dream is owning your own, but a Christians dream is to go home.” (Jacob Keiffer)

“It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.” (Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities) We live this life but we only get one shot at it. We can never erase the mistakes of yesterday, but if we get the chance to make up for yesterday’s mistake, we should. Though we don’t deserve heaven we are promised it. In Luke 24:50-51 “50 And he led them out as far as Bethany, and lifting up his hands he blessed them. 51 While he blessed them, he parted from them and was carried up into heaven.” Jesus left his disciples to continue the works he himself had started, the mission that would carry on for generations to come. The great commission would be the corner stone to our faith. Go forth and baptize all the nations of the world so they would come to know the name and savior Jesus Christ.

Many people want to rush into home ownership, but the problem with rushing into is when Murphey moves into the spare bedroom bad things happen. Most people try to get a house when they have debt, and they don’t have an emergency fund to pay for the inevitable issues that will come up. We use our emotions to get us into these situations, because we feel we need something. We need to learn not to make such emotional decisions about God. How often do people curse God when bad things happen? We need to praise God in both good and bad times. In all things we need to have faith and praise our situation. Ecclesiastes 7:14 “In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him.” In our life we will face adversity, we must plan for them. We must plan on what we want for our life. We must plan for our earthly home, but also plan for our Heavenly home. When the time comes, where will you call home?

Jesus paid the debt for us so we could move into our eternal home debt free. If we are to be Christians we should mirror our early life like our Heavenly life. We have a choice how we live and we have been given a gift. How we use it is entirely our choice. John 14:2 “In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.” We must be good stewards of what we have, and if we are going to have those gifts, we must plan for our eternal home. Where do you want your home to be? Do you want your eternal home to be in Heaven, or Hell? We have been given the choice. If we had the choice to live in a rich mansion or a old run down trailer what would we choose? Joshua 24:15 “:but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

 

 

 

A Conversation With God

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A Conversation With God

My God,

I came into this world a product of circumstance. I wasn’t born perfect in the flesh but perfect to your creation. I didn’t grow perfect in the flesh, but perfect to your plan. The trials and pain would start early in my life, and I would suffer long. I cried to you many times to take me home, yet you did not answer. A lifetime crying to you, and never relieving me of my pain. I know you’re there because I feel your presence. I can hear your whisper in the wind, I can feel you when I wake, and I know that my faith is tested, oh is it tested.

It seems the darkness and I have been an enemy for years past. The darkness rises and I feel the winds of change, yet in the wind I am powerless to stop the coming storm. I cried aloud to you for protection and for guidance. When the storm hits I’m not ready for the impact it would have. I cried to you, and as I reached for you, I feel as if I slipped through your grasp and the Devil had me by the ankle, I slammed to the fire below and for the moment the darkness had me. The darkness that remained in my heart, the pain of the years of struggle, festering beneath the surface like a cancer, had control, and I wasn’t me for a moment.

When I succumbed to the darkness, you never left my side. As I slipped away your Angels swooped down from Heaven and grabbed me. I don’t know why you saved me, but here I am. It’s been over a year now, and I sit and wonder what’s next my Lord? I have devoted a year to teach and preach your word. I have continued now, and I pray to you to show me the next step. I have fear and doubt and I beseech you show me the way.

In my solitude I find my wandering mind goes to the past. I find myself facing the emotions from so many trials, that were buried, never to be thought of again. I feel wrestles, yet I can’t seem to find my motivation to stand up and walk. My eyes are stained with tears, crying for my losses. It’s felt like Heaven’s been so far away, and the pain inside seems like it’s lingered, and I struggle to find my way. I feel empty some days and I wonder where you’ve gone. I know it’s the lies from below. I have learned to praise you in the good days, and the bad. I have learned to praise you in the storm. I feel the cold creeping in, and in the howls of the wind and rain, I hear you in this storm. I lift my hands to you my Lord and I trust in you. I trust that no matter how battered and broken I feel you have never left my side. Every life has a purpose, even the bee that pollinates flowers, and makes us honey. Every Life is important, and I will remember it.

My God, I feel broken, please put me back together. Life is confusing right now, and I can’t find my way out of this forest. I feel lost and I can’t find my way. I know that in your time I will be delivered from this struggle, and that in all things your time is perfect. I put my faith in you my Lord, because I know this is not where I belong. Some days my Lord I feel alone, so please give me the strength for me to be the man you want me to be. Give me the strength to face this life, and to continue fighting for your word. Please give me the strength to be more then I am today. Show me the way, so I can be the Soldier you’d have me be. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I know I don’t have to be strong enough all the time. Be my strength my Lord. I worship you for the answered and unanswered prayers. Today, tomorrow, until the time I come home.

The Weight

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The Weight

It’s heavy, the weight we carry. The fears, doubts, regrets, the pain we’ve allowed to build year after year. The crushing weight under the cross we belong to. It’s got our name on it, and it’s our responsibility. In the years I’ve been carrying my cross I’ve watched it get bigger, and bigger through the years. Sometimes it grows slowly over time, and sometimes it seems like it doubles in size. The weight we are to carry, but never are we to carry alone. Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” While we are commanded to carry the cross. Luke 9:23 “23 And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.” We are commanded to pick it up, and walk with Christ. We wear it like a badge of honor, but what happens when it gets to heavy? The weight we are never meant to keep. We are never meant to hold everything in and let it bury us. Sin adds up and if we let it, we get buried in our own suffering, an endless circle with no way out. That’s the lie the Devil would have you believe. That your sin is your death, the debt that you must carry for all of time. We are to carry it like an old friend, a friend that stays with us like our own shadow. The shadow in our mind that grows, storing the silence that echo’s in the walls of our brains. The journey however is not cold and dark as we are led to believe. The weight is not ours alone. The Devil wants us to think we have to be silent in our struggle. The Devil wants us to think we are weak if we cannot carry our cross alone. The Devil wants us to be alone, cut off from the light.

I have failed in my walk with the Lord more then once. I let the darkness build inside me. I held it like an old teddy bear. I kept it close but hid it away during the day. In the darkness of the night I would take it out and embrace it for a moment. My own self-inflicted punishment. I was weak and I knew I was. I kept it in because I was ashamed of my feelings. I was ashamed of the horrors I re-watched every night when I closed my eyes. I fell for the lie and I allowed the weight to break me down so far I was vulnerable when something big came along. I reached out and found myself rejected by those who were supposed to help. When I reached out my hand was slapped away, and I recoiled even farther into myself. I heard the whispers and they grew louder, till all I could hear was how weak I was. How I should feel low, and useless. I believed the lies of not being loved. I lost my fight against the weight I was carrying, and laying on the ground, crushed by it, I watched as everything I worked for in my life was ripped violently away from me. In my darkest, deepest hour of sorrow, the truth rose up and brighter then the sun, the Devil, the lies, the evil that surrounded me was forced to retreat back to the shadows. The hand of Jesus picked me up and hugged me close. The truth was made clear, and a revelation of what it means to be washed in the light of the Lord was unmistakable. Silence was a cancer that grew, but the light of the universe, our Lord and savior is the answer to the disease. And the people tied him to a tree, and murdered him. His blood was spilt, and we laughed and cast lots. We were given a choice, a criminal, or Jesus. In our ignorance, our hatred, our anger, we poured our sin into an innocent man. A man who would spread his arm to those who caused him to suffer a death worse then any could imagine. He spread his arms not in returned hate, but in forgiveness and love. He was not silent in his final moments. He spread his arms, he absolved us of our sins, by asking the Father to forgive us, for we do not know what we do. Our father, a gracious, loving father split the veil, and we were not doomed to suffer the crushing weight of sin any longer.

In Numbers 11:11-15 Moses cries to the Lord about the burdens he is carrying. The people are hungry, and are calling for him to bring an end to their suffering. He feels the weight of this burden and he feels he cannot bare it alone. He cries to the heavens asking God to either answer his prayers or to end his life. In verse 16 the Lord tells him to bring forth the elders that they may help him bare the burdens of the flock. I say to you, when you find yourself in need, turn to the Lord and he will answer your prayers and give you someone to lean on. Jesus would fall, weak, and carrying his cross he would fall. Matthew 27:32 “As they went out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name. They compelled this man to carry his cross.” There’s no shame asking for help. There’s no shame admitting the day’s been a little to strong, the weight to heavy, the problems too big. I say we must find the strength inside to put down our pride, and go to the Lord in prayer. The Lord will give you someone to help you carry your burden.

Lean On Me By, Bill Withers

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow

 Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on

 Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won’t let show

 You just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

 Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on

 You just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can’t carry
I’m right up the road
I’ll share your load

 

I know it seems like you might be alone in your life, but that’s not true. That’s the lie, and the Devil won’t stop telling it to you. Don’t listen to the darkness. When the darkness knocks at your door, turn away back to the light. Lift your head, your arms, and welcome the light into your heart. Let the Holy Spirit wash over you, removing the past sins. Don’t allow the silence to grow like a cancer inside you. Silence kills, it takes so many lives each and every day. The darkness will always creep just outside the walls, but when we keep the light of Jesus burning in our hearts and minds, the darkness cannot remain in the presence of light. Sing praises to the Lord of all and the praises of joy, of love will cancel out the silence and the whispers of the Devil will fall short to the music of Love. Hope, love, and praise will win over silence, pain, and despair. Fear, doubt, disbelief, let it all go. It’s time to drop your sins at the foot of the cross and lighten your load. Place your hope in Jesus and thank God yesterday’s gone. All your sins are forgiven, so carry them no more.

Who we are in Christ

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Who we are in Christ

In the walk with Christ we Christians come in all shapes and sizes. We come in all different walks of life. Some are rich, and some pour, some are big and some are small. Some Christians grow in their faith and suffer through their trials and move forward. While some other Christians live through hell on earth and face the demons more often then others. We don’t always know why some have a harder time then others, but perhaps one day when we get to Heaven we can ask the Lord Almighty. I have spent a lot of time reflecting lately over my life. I’ve spent a great deal of time looking back on my mistakes, my trials, my traumas, and facing my pain head on. In the time I’ve been doing that I’ve gotten to know some new people who’s had life so easy it has led me to question my own Godly purpose. God trains his soldiers, and often times God’s chosen people to fight for Him are those with battle scars. Those people in scripture to lead the chosen people were people who by a carefully crafted plan came to the place where God needed them to be. We see this in Moses, Joseph, Esther, Paul, and so many others. Unlikely men and women who were used to shape the Bible we have. Who are we to God? We are God’s creation, God’s children. We live our life for a single purpose to live in Christ, to Love our God and to submit to his phenomenal cosmic power.

As I have spent so much time pondering my past, I have come to realize the fire is hotter for some because the mission, the calling they are on by God is a harder more daunting path. Everyone has their part to play, but as I have slowly come to realize, my crucible has burned away so much of what I wasn’t to reveal the true power inside. It’s not a matter of how much I’ve fallen, it’s more important that I’ve continued to grow, I’ve continued to move forward no matter the hell fire the Devil has thrown at me. The fire I’ve gone through has left me burnt, battered, bruised, and in some ways broken, but I know that God uses broken things. This body will be reborn one day, as my spirit continues to fight and face the earthly torments. Some days I fall to my knees and pray, I cry, and I beg God to heal me. I beg to be delivered from the evil that surrounds me, and I know that he hears me, even if my prayers aren’t answered right away. I have begged God’s mercy to wash away my sins. I have prayed that God forgive me my faults, my wrong doing, and have mercy on me, and clean my slate. I beg to be remade in the waters of life, and become more then I am.

It doesn’t matter who we are if we are a follower of Christ we are part of one body. From the day you give up yourself, and watch your old self die, you become a new person. You reject the life of old, and embrace the life of new. I think back at my life, and I see, it feels like the man I was is so far away from me. Over these years I know I’ve lost bits and pieces of myself, and now I look back and wonder if those pieces can ever be recovered, or if I need to embrace today, and trust in the Lord. Even with my trust in the Lord I ask who I am. My soul is tormented and I feel like Heaven’s so far away from me. The mirror is broken, and the reflection is me from different times. When you look in the mirror who do you see? Are you a musician, a pastor, a preacher, a child of the King? What does your walk through life look like compared to my own? What torments do you have in your closet? What does your past give you to offer God? If you’ve been beaten and abused can you use that to spread the gospel? If you’ve been rapped can you use that to preach the word of God? In every one of my trials somewhere in that trial I found God was the reason I was able to either make it through, or God pulled be through. I know that nothing in my life has happened of my own power, but the power of God in me.

It doesn’t matter what our walk through life looks like. It doesn’t matter what job we have, or what we may have done yesterday. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of. We’ve all walked a sinful path, and we all have regrets. The Devils been at this game for a long time and we are behind the curve trying to play by rules that we haven’t learned yet.

No matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done you have the chance to turn your life around and follow Christ. Wherever you have been we must remember that we can’t judge any by the path they’ve walked because we just don’t know. We must not judge a book by the color of someone’s skin. The walk they walk, or the way they talk must not be what we see, instead look deeper to the heart. We need to find a way to see through the eyes of God. The world can be a cruel place, but if we stop turning on one another, stop judging one another for our differences, we may actually come together as the church. Find the love within and stop holding grudges over every small thing someone says. Don’t be so quick to get offended. Don’t be so quick to pass judgment. Don’t be so quick to rebuke someone because their opinion may differ from your own. We are all God’s children and wherever you are in your walk, we must show the example of what it means to be Christ like. The sad fact is there is a lot of Christians out there not living in the word of God. There’s a lot of people who claim to be a follow of Christ, but only in name, not in actions or works. I walk this path, and I have suffered loss, and it tears me up inside. I feel sometimes like I’m alone, lost in the desert. Nothing in sight from horizon to horizon, and I quench for water, but none to be had. I feel as if I’m chapped by the sun, cracked and broken as I stumble through the blazing hot sand. I’ve been broken more then my share, yet I’ve been picked up and I’ve shown the way the light, God. Every day I wake up I can thank God for my yesterday and that it’s behind me. I praise God for the breath in my lungs. I thank God for my roof, for my many blessings, and as I continue to move forward I thank God for my forgiven sins, my answered prayers, and even the unanswered ones. Live for God, live for now, live for the time we have. Encourage others and take the time to move outside your comfort zone. Just because someone looks, or sounds different doesn’t mean they aren’t a Child of God. We’re alive an we are only alive because Jesus rose and saved us from our Sins. He didn’t just save the rich, or the poor. He didn’t just save the educated, or the high school drop out. He died and rose for everyone, the criminal and the saint. Who are we to judge someone in any walk of life? Put down your bigotry, put down your racism, put down your misconceptions, and learn how to love. We are who we are, and when we walk in Christ we are to live in peace. We pray for the sinner, we love the saint, and we love the sinner no matter the faults they may have.

We all get lost, but we can all be found. Open your eyes and open your heart. We all hurt at some point, but we must learn not to stay in our pain forever. Don’t loose hope and when you’re in the middle of the storm remember who’s still in control? The water that quenches the thirst, and the love that beats out any hate. The blood that gives life and beats death runs for all who accept. Christ’s blood extended the bridge for us, and in the fight for our selves, we must remember no one can steal your salvation. The judgment from others can hurt our feelings, it can sting and cut deep, but the opinion that matters most above all else is that of God. If you are living to please God then the rest doesn’t matter. Please the Lord your blessings will be greater then your imagination can offer.

I’m Afraid

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I’m Afraid

I’m afraid of what tomorrow will bring. I’m afraid of my failures, and I’m afraid of my future. I’m afraid I will not be loved again, and that I will not obtain my desires of a family. I’m afraid I will fail in my goal to finish college. I’m afraid of being alone, and never getting out on my own. The failures in my past ring loudly in my ears. My wheels spinning in the mud, unable to get traction I feel stuck. I feel as if I’ve become paralyzed by the fear in my life. I feel my failures mounting higher and higher and I feel as if I’ve lost so much and I’ve fallen so far, I often question if I can ever get back what I’ve lost. More then getting back what I lost, I question if I deserve to get back what I’ve lost.

Fear is a normal, it often protects us from harm, but fear can also be used as a weapon. I don’t feel like I am good enough most days. I am trapped in my memories of what I’ve lost. I’m trapped and I know fear is holding me back robbing me of my tomorrow. Tomorrow seams so far and in my mind it’s a monster, filled with rows of teeth, claws and a bark that shakes my very core. Can I go through that kind of pain again? Can I open myself up and take a chance like that again? With the fear flooding my emotions, I feel paralyzed most days. I want to stay in the house, I want to run and hide away from the world ashamed of my very public failure. How can anyone ever love me after the last two years? The truth will set you free, if you only choose to believe in it. The world is a cruel and sometimes unforgiving place. The whole of our society is determined to beat you to the ground. Fear as I mentioned can be a good thing, but when you’re afraid like that, it’s the Devil trying to keep you down. When you feel the fear building, Psalms 34:4 “I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.” Fear is a weapon of the Devil to keep you subdued, to keep you from the grace of the father. Proverbs 29:25 “The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.”

Though I am afraid I must not let fear control me. I must continue to fight the Devil and not fall to his flaming arrows. I must fight back and harden my mind against his attacks. The fear I have stays with me, but I fight the good fight every day. Psalm 23 “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”

Fear has often been a challenge for me. Ever since I was young I always felt as if I wasn’t good enough. That my physical looks weren’t good enough for people. The bullying I faced as a child was ruthless and left me damaged. The losses as an adult amplified those feelings of inadequacy and I have been an easy target for the Devil. My faith has kept strong, and as I continue to move forward, I often hear the whispers from the darkness calling my name. I was shattered, a thousand pieces, broken down and bleeding on the floor. I’ve been gluing the pieces back together, but the heart still hurts.

When I close my eyes I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I find myself thinking of the songs that have touched my heart. The healing power of music, it fills my heart and reminds me of the Lord and savior who’s always with me. I pray to God to take away my pain, who gives me my joy, and protects me when I cry. The storm comes to everyone, no matter who you are. All we can do is trust in the Lord to see us through. We are held by a Savior, and we have to have faith in our foundation that can’t be shaken. We can all thank God that our yesterday’s gone, and looking forward to tomorrow, we don’t have to go backwards. Praise God in the storm, and know that wherever you were yesterday, tomorrow is a choice. When we are broken down, when we are shattered on the floor, let the healing hand of God put us back together. Put your prayers to work, and put your boots on the floor and start walking. We’ve been washed by the blood and we are made new, we can stand up and watch the fear be washed away. 2 Corinthians 7:1 “Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God.” If we try to walk this world alone, and we find our self tired of being solo, it’s time to put our faith in God and trust that God’s in control not the Devil. If we remember who’s on the throne and remember that nothing that happens to us in this world can take our salvation from us the rest is just fluff.

Our own fears although they may be very real, are something for us to control and concur. Fear as I said can be a great tool to warn us of danger, to keep us pushing forward when we need to. We can’t allow fear to run our life. We must stand tall on God’s word and fight the fear that floods our hearts. While I fight my own fear, and my own negative judgments of myself, I know the journey isn’t one to be finished overnight. I know that the road is long, and it’s hard. Colossians 1:11-12 “11 being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, 12 and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.” In the darkest of nights, the fiercest of storms, when it seems like you’ll never see the dawn of another day, just when you think you can’t take another step, the Lord will pick you up and keep you safe. Trust in the Lord and remember, you’re child of the one true King. You’re special in the eyes of the one who created you, and you will inherit the kingdom of Heaven. We have already defeated death, all we have to do is live.