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Blind Spot

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Blind Spot

For the last year I have had a blind spot when it comes to one facet of my life. I have apparently duplicated my suffering by not learning a lesson years ago. My hope has always been to see the best in people, even when the best in them has not been shown. I have put aside pain, suffering, wicked behavior, I have allowed lies to pass through my ears and still I have given the benefit of the doubt.

Over the majority of my life I have often allowed people more then one chance at my heart. In fact to be brutally honest with myself, I’ve allowed a few people more then several chances. I’ve been hurt more then my share by people I’ve continued to allow being in my life. While I would have been considered to be the one at fault for allowing someone who had a history of ‘flip flopping’ their position, yes, when it comes to love, I would say I am stubbornly blind.

While 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 speaks about what love truly is, it’s also important to know that at some point while we may love our neighbor, while we may love someone, when that person does nothing but hurt you over and over again, you must learn, like I am still trying to learn, to let them go. We must learn how to not force our will upon others, we must learn to be patient and allow God’s will to come to fruition. I don’t know what the path I’m on is meant to accomplish, but having faith in the creator of the plan, I must realize I’m just a character in someone else’s book. Like it or not I am not in control of the vast majority of what goes on within my life. All I can do is learn to react to each changing moment and try must best to be a Godly man.

While my hope for others and the ones I care about may not be the smartest thing I’ve done, I often see the worst in the world, but see the best in my love, and ignore the bad they do. I can no longer sit idly by and allow myself to be put into harms way over and over again. I have failed myself and the heartbreak I have led myself to over and over again must stop. Divorce is hard on anyone. Perhaps that this is my second divorce, and the second affair I’ve weathered, the family I lost, and the hopes I had to rebuilding it are now utterly gone. For every winter there becomes a spring, and with that spring fresh life. Sometimes in our lives we have to take the blinders off and see the world and ‘someone’ for who and what it really is. We must learn to see the world beyond our narrow view. We must learn to see people for who they are and not who we want them to be.

“You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” (Dark Knight Return) While I firmly believe the idea that this may be the case, it certainly has been in my life. The hero’s in my life have become the villains in my story. (Excluding Jesus) Never forget the true hero in our life died upon the cross to save us all from a horrible forever death. While in our life we may meet police officers, firefighters, or soldiers, all of which could be considered heroes, eventually all manner of men will fail you. Sometimes in life the Devil wins and as any true strategist knows, some battles once lost cannot be salvaged. If a battle cannot be won sometimes a retreat and regroup must be made in order to win the war. Never forget the bondage of sin may have been broken, but the war is far from over. Remember to fight the good fight and win what we can. As for me, I know that no matter how dark and cold the winter is, there’s always a way to get colder, and darker. I’m not certain if my winter is over, or if the deepest winter is still coming, but either way, God will provide the path and the direction, and any and all of us can follow, when the blinders come off.

 

The Armor

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The Armor

Ephesians 6:10-18 The Whole Armor of God “10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,”

 As I have considered all things in my life as of late, I find myself struggling to find inspiration. Not surprising since my day revolves around my favorite show (Arrow), my only Xbox one game (Destiny) and loving on my puppies. With very little worldly influence I’ve struggled to maintain my daily post. The only days I have not been able to post are a few in which I was nowhere near Internet service for reasons far beyond my control. Today I received a trinket I got in the mail, something I have chosen to add to my collection of things to keep with me to remind me of what I need in my life on a daily basis. Most devout Christians can give you their favorite verse if not by heart, then by verse number. With everything I’ve gone through in my life there’s not doubt or question why The Armor is by far my verse of choice. The soldier in me, the warrior heart, the battles I’ve had to fight and endure, the Armor reminds me every day that life is a cold and often an unforgiving, dark and desolate place. Not saying there’s isn’t hope and love within the fallen world, but this message is about that war, the war that wages on every single day, and the one single piece of hope we have, Jesus Christ. “Living is not for the weak.” (Arrow) The Armor 1

Although it may sound on the surface my position is one of pessimism, and it may sound like I don’t have faith, believe me, the truth is it’s because of my faith, it’s because of my worldly experiences I know this isn’t anything but the absolute truth. When you look around, when you watch the news, listen to how people talk to one another in the grocery store, the proof is abundant and incontrovertible. The Devil has woven his lies in nearly every aspect of our lives. What we watch on TV, the music we listen to, the teaching in school, the laws we pass, every bit of our life now has influence of Lucifer himself. We are told by Jesus himself that John 16:33 “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” With that promise we are also promised eternal salvation. Psalm 23:1-4 “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. 3 He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” How do we make it to the Kingdom? How do we manage through our daily lives? The answer is both simple, yet some days the hardest thing you’ll have to endure. The Armor.

The Helmet of Salvation: This Roman piece that Paul writes about is the protection of our mind. The Devil whispers in our ears and tries to get us to actively sin. The Devil tries to get us to question God, to make decisions that make us feel good, but like many drugs that sensation of feel good is only an illusion. It’s important to remember the thoughts we have, the decisions we make must be driven and guided by God. We must not conform to the standards of the world, because the world is a fallen place filled with hate, anger, lust, and is all about self. Resist by keeping your mind on the Lord, take the Helmet and keep it strapped on tight to resist the temptations put in front of you every day.

Belt Of Truth: This is the first piece mentioned in the Gospel of Paul. This is because of what truth he’s referring too. The Truth of God, the truth of Jesus Christ is above all the most important. If Christ weren’t the truth, the way, the path to Heaven, nothing else would matter. The Belt holds the sword but also holds back the cloak in preparation for battle.

The Breastplate of Righteousness: This item protects the trunk of a soldier. This protects all the vital organs and more importantly the heart. The Armor is a thick piece of leather given to every follower of Christ. This protects the Christian from the lies and deceits aimed at the heart and soul of the Christian. The breastplate protects the heart, which is the center of the emotions. Love, and hate, empathy verses revenge, these are the feelings targeted by the Devil. Satan wants to harden our hearts; He wants us to have a stance of hatred and anger, a bitterness that if we aren’t careful can spread like a cancer once it takes root in our hearts. If our heart is infected we could in fact loose a great deal of ourselves.

Shoes of the Gospel of Peace: In the day’s Paul wrote the letter to Ephesus, the Roman soldiers wore spiked sandals. These sandals where designed to dig in when the enemy tried to force them back. When the winds of the storm are strong and when they would blow down almost any man, digging in and holding your ground makes you a Soldier for Christ.

Shield of Faith: In the days of the Roman Empire this soldier would often carry a shield, and this shield was large enough to completely hide behind. This shield would protect one soldier from incoming arrows, and attacks by swords and other weapons. When wet these shields would extinguish flaming arrows. Together a group of warriors with these shields could come together and be completely enclosed in a barrier. Our shield is strong when our faith is strong, but that faith is stronger when other warriors for Christ join us. Hold onto that shield and use it to withstand all the attacks and flaming arrows from the Devil.

Sword of the Spirit: The sword is the word of God. A sword is both a weapon for attack and defense. In all times of attack offensively, or the defensive, we must train with our weapon. Training with a sword takes time, dedication, and patience. We must learn the word and use it effectively to battle the satanic attacks Christians are under daily.

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 “4 For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. 5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,” We obviously don’t wear armor every day, but what we do have is a spiritual armor, a spiritual war that’s being fought every day and every day we must remain on the alert to the spiritual attacks.

In all things we do in this world we are faced with choices, some days we are left with impossible decisions to make. We are always going to face battles; we are always going to be warriors as long as we follow Christ. We know that most of our struggles will be of a spiritual nature. We know that what’s in peoples hearts and minds is either a force for good or evil, and we know the source of that good and evil is God or Satan. Knowing the armor and how to wear it, training by being in the word day in and day out is the only effective way to be a good soldier. Every good soldier knows to do PMCS Preventative, Maintenance, Checks and Services. Soldiers will check their equipment, clean their weapons, sharpen their knives, and be ready for combat at a moments notice. We must read, and understand scripture, know the enemy and how He works. We must know how to defend and fight back against the evil schemes that will come our way.

As I have posted in the past, I find it just as relevant today as it was then, a saying that’s on a shirt I recently got. “The Devil whispered in my ear you’re not strong enough to withstand the storm.” Today I whispered in the Devil’s ear “I AM THE STORM.” Are you strong enough in faith to withstand the storm that will, not might come your way? Be ready because as this world continues to fall, you don’t want to be caught unawares. As the military slogan goes, ‘Fit to fight’.

 

Giving your all

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Giving your all

Have you ever loved so deeply, cared for someone so much you felt like you gave your whole life to them? Have you ever cared for someone so much when they were gone you felt as if half of you were ripped away? What about when you meet someone new and you feel strongly about them, not love, but a strong desire to know them, to be there for them, what happens when that isn’t reciprocated? I believe we’ve all gone through this at some point in our lives. There’s a strong reaction to rejection and that reaction’s what we’re going to discuss today. This is an uncomfortable subject so stick with me.

Recently I met someone and the more we talked the more I felt a potential relationship might have been possible. I received a lot of positive feedback early on in our communications and it led me to believe something more in time was more then a likely possibility. When the conversation continued I was shocked when all of a sudden it stopped. The conversation seemed rather benign and since it was just about liking particular movies, I saw no reason the outcome ended the way it did. All communication halted abruptly and the feeling sunk deep in my stomach and my head felt like a kick to the face.

Disappointment is a tough pill to swallow. What does the bible say about disappointment? Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” No matter what we face, or the troubles we find ourselves in God will use them for the purpose of good things. We may not be able to see the good in our pain, or the purpose in our suffering, but through all things the Lord is with us. Psalm 42:11 “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” As King David writes in a moment of sorrow he asks God why he feels such turmoil within his heart. He knows God is with him, he knows the Lord will never forsake him, and in all things God is good always. We too must remember that in our struggles, in our times of weakness the Lord of creation is with us.

Having and keeping the faith that no matter the purpose of someone coming and or going in your life is difficult, but the Lord has a plan. While we may feel like we’ve been hit by a ton of bricks, and while this may be literal or figurative, the Lord will see us through till the end. Often times we wonder why someone hurts us, why someone will leave their spouse in what appeared to be a loving marriage or relationship. While there are many reasons and likely personal explanations, that we won’t discuss today, the simple answer is this. Sometimes the innocent can be collateral damage. If this is the case and the hurt and pain is caused by someone else keep in mind 1 Corinthians 7:15 “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” If someone walks away from you, if someone has decided to follow or pursue a path that is not one that is inline with Christ, do not hold onto that. Do not allow that departure to be a reflection upon yourself. Do not hold onto responsibilities for what is not due unto you. We must always take responsibilities for the things we played a roll in rather it be good or bad. Always own up to your own mistakes. We must fight the urge to take responsibility for things beyond our control. Do not allow the sins of another to add to the burdens you already carry. As grotesque as it sounds and is, do not be the proverbial sin eater. Do not take upon yourself, which is not yours. Often times when a relationship ends, if it ends with little to no warning, and you are left to wonder why, and what happened, it’s easy to start blaming yourself. While this is something I myself have yet to master, and may never will, it’s important that whether it’s your spouse, your friends, or other close relationships, always remember that if someone walks away from you, you may not need to take the blame, do not take on the sins of anyone but yourself. Only take on what you must. Have faith in the Lord, and believe that no matter who leaves you, who abandons you, the Lord’s promise is to never leave or forsake, because the Lord made a new covenant, and this promise by God is not one that is broken.

Remember it’s okay to love another, and it’s okay to feel a devotion to someone, but always remember to put God first. When you remember to put God first, the rest will fall into place.

I reach out

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I reach out

I reached out and no one was there, the cold bitterness of the dark blackest night. The frozen rain stings against my bare face. The frozen waist land all around and cracks in the ground that would swallow you whole. The moon is gone hidden behind the black clouds. The wind howls and whistles over the ice. Lost on the ice with no compass. The storm so thick two steps in front of you is blotted out in the white wall of snow and ice. The wind chills deep down into your bones. The prick of the icy mix feels like a thousand cuts all over your face. You look down using your arms and hood to block the wind, but it’s no use. You fall to the ground and dig into the snow. You dig until your fingers are numb and there’s a hole big enough to crawl into. You crawl in and curl against the tiny wall you created. You close your eyes.

The storm rages on around you, beating down upon your resolve, your patience, your hope, and yet you remain resolute. Huddle down upon your inner strength and focus on your today, planning on surviving the wintery blast, and hold onto that small bit of warmth inside you to get you threw the now, and into tomorrow.

Psalm 46:1 “46 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” When it’s cold outside and we don’t know how to survive the night, it’s in Psalm we find our truth. Psalm 107:29 “29 He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still.” No matter how bad the situation may be, tomorrow’s sunlight can wash away the snow. Psalm 34:17 “17 The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles.” Are we the righteous, or are we the damned? Are we to rise above the clouds and survive the storm, or are we to die in the frozen waist land of our sorrows? When you are huddled up and you don’t know where to go or how to continue the journey of King David. Psalm 91:1-2 “91 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.” Do we have true faith that in our time of struggles the Lord will be there with us and protect us? Is our faith strong enough to save ourselves in that faith? 2 Corinthians 12:9 “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

Open your eyes huddled down beneath the snow. When you open them your world is in your hands. Your life, your faith in God can be the defining fact. If God’s will be done you open them to the storm subsiding. The sunshine covering the white covered ground, glistening, glowing in the light. The sun glistening off the snow brighter then anything you’ve ever seen. The wonders that the storm stopped, praying for your life, placing your life in God’s capable hands is the direction we should follow. No matter how dire the situation God is capable of surrendering the storm and although you may not come out of the storm completely unscathed, you can be pulled from the heavy weight of the snow.

 

 

 

 

Fighting Insecurities

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Fighting Insecurities

Let’s face it we all have our insecurities about something in this life. Everyone’s different and everyone has their own battles to face. Over the years a particular event has occurred in my life on more then one occasion that has created and cultivated a unfortunate, and disturbing insecurity. I would go as far to say it’s certainly not an endearing or attractive quality. Nevertheless it’s here and fighting back against it is truly a struggle.

An understandable fear of abandonment has settled in and has taken up residence in the deepest part of my mind. With it it’s cousin the insecurity of feeling wanted, or needed. When a message is sent to someone, you know they’ve seen it, and your brain automatically goes to ‘what did I do wrong?’ and ‘am I not important enough to them?’ These things may be true, but the most likely fact is, it’s in our head. My self worth has been in question for some time now. These things the Devil tells you, whispers to you in your darkest hours are thorns in your side.

We must learn to focus on the good things we have to offer in a relationship. Everyone brings something special to a relationship, and thus we are all special. Philippians 4:6-9 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” If we are loved and love, we must learn to lift up our loved. 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” If someone’s important to you, then it’s in that importance you would want to set their fears aside and show them they have nothing to fear. Lift up your partner, lift up your friends, and help fight back against the whispers of the devil.

The number one thing to remember is placing your self worth in others is always a recipe for disaster. No matter what you beat the odds in this life and God has made you just the way he wanted you. Consider why you are unhappy, or why you are insecure. John 15:11 “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” The only thing we should need is the knowledge that Christ loves us just the way we are.

You must learn to trust in yourself and focus on your own gifts. Know what your gifts are and know that they are good enough. If your partner doesn’t see or appreciate them, perhaps there are bigger issues, which may or may not be your fault. A deep internal look at the cause may be warranted to understand and justify, and then overcome.

I believe sharing these with your significant other is important. Be sure to communicate and allow that open line of communication to face the problem head on. There will always be a way to face the insecurities that plague you. Allow yourself to face your insecurities and then you can own up to it, and overcome. Have faith in the Lord and what the Lord created. Each of us has been given gifts and we should focus on those gifts instead of our shortcomings. Romans 12:6-9 “Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith; 7 Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching; 8 Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness. 9 Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.” Use your gifts. Allow someone to love you for what you have to offer, and fear not for what you do not have. The ice will melt one day and the life preserved, frozen in time, will once again show it’s colors and it’s beauty. Let the ice melt over your heart frozen in time, and warm up to the idea of loving once again.

 

 

Sweet Godly Accidents

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Sweet Godly Accidents

It’s interesting how a mistake, an accident can be a great and wonderful gift from God. The other day when I was building a Lego house I was completing the very fragile roof I accidently pushed too hard and a section of the roof collapsed. Obviously this is a frustration because once the collapse occurred the only way to fix it was to take the entire roof down and start over. While there was a gaping whole in the roof of the house all I could say at the time was oops. Within a moment I had decided to use it to my advantage. Over the last several months I had made note of bad choices surrounding my life, some were my choices, and others were that of others. The point is sometimes out of an accident a blessing or a path is waiting for you. We may not always see the reason for accidents, but sometimes it’s to teach us a valuable lesson, or alter the path we are on. Matthew 10:8 “8 Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead,[a] cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.” We receive gifts and we don’t always acknowledge what we’ve received as a gift. While I wrote the blog post ‘OOPS’ I found myself considering the consequences of the good and bad things I had witnessed the last 11 months. As my world around me crumbled into a million or more pieces the why is this happening, the what am I supposed to learn and do now, the when will I begin to feel better in my life, questions that wouldn’t come, but faith would continue to guide me like a lighthouse in the bitterness of the worst storm I’d ever see in my life.

It’s amazing how some actions may seem like accidents, or even things that are accidents, but either way, God is working to pull you through no matter what the case may be. In all of our mistakes, in all of our suffering, there’s still lessons to be had, blessings to be seen. Romans 12:6-8 “6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; 7 or ministry, let us use it in our ministering; he who teaches, in teaching; 8 he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.” In each of our God given gifts we must find the will to survive. We must always find a way out of the fire. The gifts we’ve been given no matter what they are can be used to glorify God. We must learn to use our gifts to the best of our ability and in using our gifts help to lift up those around us. Every accident is a chance to glorify God. Every mishap is a chance to show what God is in our lives. One way to look at an accident is a Godly opportunity. No matter the tragedy, no matter the accident we have an opportunity, an obligation to rise above and show what being a Christian is all about. Always look to the sky, and know that God is looking out over you. In every mistake or accident the chance to fly above the clouds is always there. You may feel like you’re in the muck but when you behave has a true Godly Christian, you can fly, soar through the clouds because if God is for you, then who can be against you?

When we forsake our faith, when we turn our backs on God we can be sure that the blessings in our life are only a snowballs chance. We never know what our future holds and what blessings may be just beyond the river bend. We may never know the joys that are waiting for us, and in that, we can have faith, that the faithful will be blessed. It’s easy to look back on a situation and have our perspective skewed, tainted by the world, the attacks by the Devil. When we are suffering the pain can blind us from the truth, and from our path. The struggle is to remain focused on God, focused on God’s plan for us, which is of grace not despair. Trials and pain will happen, but if we trust, truly trust in the Lord, there may be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Just remember, without the storm, there is no rainbow and with no rainbow, no pot of gold. Endure the storm, to find your pot of gold.

 

Lord I Need You

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Lord I Need You

A tear falls, stains the paper. I look to the sky and close my eyes. Mercy Lord I beg. I need you in my storm. I need you to send your angels to protect me my God. A torn heart, a broken body, and I praise you above it all. I remember when I was happy and now it’s gone. I look to you my Lord to help me carry on. I can’t see the way out, but my God, the God of all things, I pray you to be with me. The rain feels like ice on my face, the sting over my whole body. My God my God please don’t leave me now. I praise you no matter the hurricane going on around me. My Lord I lift my eyes to the sky even though I can’t see past my tears, my pain. Send me a sign Lord, show me you’re here. You never left my side, but even though I ache and I hurt, I know you will never leave.

Why do I feel this anger, why do I feel this pain? It feels like weights holding me down, pulling me under the blackest water. The wolves are howling, and nipping at my heels. Give me the speed to outrun them. Give me the words to repel the darkness that surrounds me. Today the world seems heavy. The world seems crushing.

I may be facing the darkness, but I know that you will see me through no matter what. I know that this is not forever, but just a little while. I know that the day will come when my troubles will be like the receding waters from the flood. The day will come when all is restored. I know where to look, and I know where to pray. The day will come when all I’ll have to say is

Amen.

 

The Lord Giveth and the Lord Taketh. The Lord has given me much, and as the winds of change, the change in the season is upon me, I know that I am being blessed. How will this change affect me, it’s too early to say, but today is better then yesterday, and tomorrow will be better then today. There are blessings in my life, that like the traffic on a highway are slow going, even if it seems everyone else is moving at high speed, I know that my blessings are all gifts from God.

Finding Love and Dealing With Loss

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Finding Love and Dealing With Loss

As it’s been a good while since my separation I find myself revisiting my future for Love. As I have posted extensively what love means to me, I still have a hard time understanding my place in this world, and as I question my place, I also question the purpose of me remaining single and unable to find even so much as a date. Now I’m not complaining, just making an observation. The scripture tells us, Jeremiah 29:11 “11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” The day to day routine I find mundane and it’s a tough pill to swallow. The struggles we have to find our way, to understand the ‘plan’. When a relationship falls apart and broken hearts are left in the wake of the hurricane that plows through life, steps to recovery need to be taken. We’ll talk about those here.

While I have been on my own road to recovery there are things I have found and learned over the last year. What steps can we take and why are they important? According to divorce magaziene.com there are 10 not so easy steps to recovery.

  1. Don’t forget to ask for help
  2. Declutter
  3. Keep yourself busy
  4. Find yourself again
  5. Travel
  6. Give it time
  7. Things happen for a reason
  8. Find your focus
  9. Try to forgive
  10. Do not close your doors

I will say asking for help is important. This however comes with some pitfalls. Some friends are fair weather friends and will not be there to help support you in your time of need. In the event that happens try not to let that add to your pain. It will, but it’s important to focus on what you can change in your life. Declutter is so important. I failed in this category. I allowed myself to keep pictures, and objects that would remind me of my marriage and that would create hope and pain where perhaps there wasn’t any. It’s so important to pack this stuff up. We don’t necessarily need to destroy or get rid of this stuff, but putting it out of sight out of mind is very important. Yes that means facebook too.

Next is keeping yourself busy. This can be a very hard to achieve. This often requires friends to be around or you to be comfortable enough to venture out on your own. This too is a step I failed miserably. My activity average was very low. I found myself in the house unable and unwilling to go out by myself when I didn’t have anyone to spend time with. It’s important to find something, anything that you enjoy. For me my joys were Lego’s, Archery, Photography, and writing this blog. We can never forget Netflix. Sadly my injury had stopped a few of my options dead in it’s tracks, and Lego’s can be expensive, so that’s another thing to think about, the cost involved in this step. Finding hobbies and other means to keep busy should be inexpensive and not taxing or draining important resources.

We must learn to find out who we are. This is something I hear all the time. Take time for yourself. While this time period is different for everyone, it’s important not to dwell on the past. Find who you are without the love that’s no longer in your life. Find what about yourself you love, and stop the negativity in its tracks. When you are not the one to walk away in the marriage, when it’s something you didn’t expect or want, it’s difficult to combat the harsh feelings that keep into your mind. It’s important to reach out in times of need, and surround yourself with people who are positive and will lift you up, rather than tear you down.

While traveling may not be something everyone can do, a bit of change in scenery can be a world of difference. Getting out of the home you both had is important. Even getting out of the town or city though not viable for everyone, it’s still worth a thought.

Time, is both our friend, and our enemy. While time heals wounds, if that time is not treated with respect, it can create pain. We must learn how to balance time and effort. We must tell ourselves every day that tomorrow will be just a little better then today. We must learn to let go of the pain a little at a time. Let time be an ally and not an enemy.

We may not understand it, but everything happens for a reason. We may not ever get the answer to why our spouse decided to leave, or do whatever it is they did, but we must realize that for every tragedy, there is also opportunity. While this is perhaps one of the hardest things to do, that love we must hold for ourselves, and understand that tomorrow may be the day we meet someone new. We must understand that no one can ever replace the loved one lost, but we must understand that while we can’t replace someone, someone different can be just around the corner, someone that can become very special to us. We have to have faith in God, that God doesn’t want the faithful to be alone, and if we remain faithful to Christ, we will be rewarded when it’s God’s time.

Find focus and purpose in your life. We must allow ourselves to feel important in our own lives and some do this by reaching out to help others. Some do this by volunteering, or working longer hours, or spending time with family. Set written goals, and allow yourself to work towards them, but make sure your set goals are actually obtainable. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast. You don’t have to achieve everything all at once. Allow yourself to work at a reasonable pace towards those goals.

While I don’t believe in the word ‘try’ in the try to forgive, instead I will say forgiveness is not something to be earned. Forgiveness is something to be given freely because we are told to forgive in scripture. There’s not a single verse that says to forgive under some circumstances instead of others. No, we are told to forgive as our Father has forgiven us, and we will never have done enough or can never do enough to earn that forgiveness. It may take time to forgive because some people hold onto grudges, and while I can disagree with that notion, it’s a fact of life. Every day you must tell yourself, “I forgive you” no matter what it is, forgiveness is to let go of that anger, the hate, and to allow yourself be rid of the poison that fills your soul.

Don’t let the fear of striking out stop you from getting up to the plate. While not every relationship will turn to marriage, and not everyone you meet will turn into a relationship, we can’t be afraid to try. We never know what we may be passing up unless we try.

We don’t and won’t understand everyone’s actions and intentions, but it’s in our darkest of hours we may find what we are truly made of. Having faith in God and allowing ourselves to be good servants and stewards of God’s love and grace, we will be rewarded when the time is right. Colossians 3:23-24 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” Always live to do hard works for Christ. When we live for the Lord, when we Love the Lord and give all the glory to the Lord, we will be given the Godly desires of our hearts. Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

 

 

 

Don’t Give Into Fear

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Don’t Give Into Fear

It’s easy to walk away, or run away from something that frightens us. We all speak of fear especially in terms of the obvious, heights, spiders, enclosed spaces, etc, but the fear I want to talk about is something deeper, much more important then trivial fears. When we are afraid of failing, afraid of death, afraid of what people think about us, afraid to face our very own mistakes, especially when those mistakes fill us with guilt, remorse, and shame. We may be afraid to act because of the fear we may fail, or we may be afraid to act because we might be afraid of doing more damage then we already have.

When we hurt someone by our actions badly and we are still in their lives we may often feel our mistake was so bad the only way to make it right is to run away, leave as fast as we can, and never look back. That person is better off without us because how can they ever look at me, or love me again? The truth is, as legitimate as this fear is, it often blinds us from the truth that stands in front of us staring us down like a cobra ready to strike. When we spiral downward we often can’t see what truth is any longer because truth is blurred by our own skewed perspective. It’s important that we have faith and trust in our Godly guidance, those in our lives who follow Christ, and want only what’s best in our life.

As difficult as it can be to follow Godly counsel it’s even tougher when our desires are not what the advice is we get. We as people often lash out at those around us trying to give us Godly Christian advice. We put self before God more often then not, and in doing so our spiral often gets more muddied, and we fall farther down the seemingly inescapable rabbit hole.

I often think of truth this way. In the Matrix Neo is given the choice to take the Red, or the Blue pill. The Red pill allows you to continue on with the journey to discover the truth about The Matrix, and more. The Blue pill you wake up in your bed and forget about all of The Matrix stuff. The thing with truth is we don’t always accept it for face value. When Neo woke up and he was finally shown, his first reaction was, “I don’t believe it,” and “I want out.” Even though he spent most of his life searching for the truth, when faced with it, his mind had a hard time letting go. Isn’t our faith in Christ the same? We may believe that the Lord and Savior, the God who created the vastness of our universe, the heavens, and the earth, and plays a part in every single one of our lives, and yet, when we struggle with life’s little problems, or even the big ones, we often can’t possibly see a way out. We don’t see a solution so we make up one ourselves. We don’t put the trust in God to help us figure it out. We allow fear to dictate terms in our lives, and we can’t seem to reconcile that life is only in part chance, and mostly guiding stars to follow. People are the wild card. As people we have free will and that free will can change the plan, alter the plan, and sometimes throws the plan off the rails, but no matter the course we find ourselves on, whether it’s of our own doing, or that of someone else, God, and this is the important part, God is always with us, walking side by side, deep in the trench warfare, taking the punches, right along side us. God will always be with us, and when we need God He will always be there for us, helping us. The thing about fear is it’s easier to be afraid, then to have the kind of faith to step out of that boat in the storm. It’s easy to be afraid of the details when you’re moving across country with little to no plan. It’s easy to give into fear when you’ve made a mistake and you can’t see a way back. To have faith, and to truly live by the Word, and trust is God, is to believe that God is apart of even the smallest of details, and we only need to search The Book, for the answers. If we’re like Alice tumbling down the rabbit hole, maybe we should just follow the white rabbit, Jesus is our white rabbit.

No matter what your question is, the Bible will have the answers you seek, you just need to open it and read. I believe that’s the challenge to be placed on all of you. How often do you pray before making a choice? How often do you listen to God before deciding on a course of action, or what to say? No matter the conundrum you find yourself in, the path is always Jesus.

It Ain’t How You Hit The Mat, It’s How You Get Up

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It Ain’t How You Hit The Mat, It’s How You Get Up

Sometimes in life, sometimes depending on who you are, you might feel like you’ve been hit and kicked an awful lot in your life. Someone once told me you can only get kicked so many times before you don’t want to get back up anymore. The person who told that to me means more to me then anyone else on the planet. She’s seen more then her fair share of hurt and suffering, and over the last few years she’s had way more then her fair share. It breaks my heart to see her suffering. Recently I was watching one of my favorite Netflix shows and in the show Matt Murdock and his dad are talking about his boxing career. One thing Jack Murdock was known for was how to take a punch. Is that the same for Christians? How well do we take the punch when we fall under attack by the Devils temptations? The song by Chumbawamba famous in it’s own right. Getting knocked down in life happens, but how we get back up defines us.

Tubthumper By: Chumbawamba

I get knocked down, but I get up again
You are never gonna keep me down

No matter the fight, the hits will come, and we know the greats within the Bible suffered the most. David persecuted and chased for 20 years a mark on his head bigger then the one for Han Solo. Jesus, well, we all know what happened to him. Paul, persecuted, tortured, shipwrecked, beaten, stoned twice, and he wrote some of the greatest books within the Bible. Job, well, Job had a sad story for sure, and yet he emerged victorious because of his faith to the Lord. What about our favorite comic book superhero’s? Pick the greatest of them and look into their back-story. Spiderman, lost his parents young, then his Uncle Ben was shot down on the street. His first real love, Gwen Stacy died awfully because he couldn’t save her. Batman, both parents killed as a child right in front of him. Matt Murdock, blinded as a child, and after a lifetime of training finally became Daredevil. Danny Rand, both parents killed, taken in by a bunch of hidden temple monks, beaten, and tortured as part of his training to eventually become the Iron Fist. Almost every superhero back-story will involve tons of pain and suffering.

For some people trauma can have a huge positive affect on their lives. This is of course after the trauma is faced and dealt with. In Psychology Today this is said “They found that, for many of these people, dealing with this trauma was a powerful spur for personal development. It wasn’t just a question of learning to cope with or adjust to negative situations; they actually gained some significant benefits from them. In Tedeschi and Calhoun’s terms, they experienced ‘positive life changes.’ They gained a new inner strength, and discovered skills and abilities they never knew they possessed. They became more confident and appreciative of life, particularly of the ‘small things’ that they used to take for granted. They became more compassionate for the sufferings of others, and more comfortable with intimacy, so that they had deeper and more satisfying relationships.” Some however have the opposite affect, and that they withdrawal, they become angry, they blame God, or disavow the existence of a higher power all together. The fact of the matter it doesn’t matter what the cause of the pain, it’s how we handle that will define us for the rest of the world to see. Do we want to be considered a strong, good person, or do we want to be considered weak and cruel?

 What does the bible say about getting back up? 2 Chronicles 15:7 “But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.” The good we do in the name of the Lord through our hearts and not for adulation will be brought back to us in the grace of the Heavens and we will be blessed for it. Galatians 6:9 “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” We don’t know how long our harvest will be, how long it will take to go through the fire, but we know, we are promised by God, our sufferings are not in vein. Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” When we are down and we feel like we just got the beating of a lifetime, that’s when we need to turn to God the most, that’s when we need to ask God to help us, take away the pain, help us through, because it’s in that pain that God wants us to be closer to Him, not draw back, not flee from God, but praise God, allow God to work in our lives, and show us our suffering isn’t for nothing.

No matter the pain, the hits, the suffering, the kicks, the fear, the attacks, God is always with us, we hurt, God hurts, we suffer, God suffers, and knowing our Savior is in the trenches with us fighting the fight, battaling to win the war, we can take comfort that in our greatest time of need God will provide, by gifts, but positive things, and sometimes the people put in our lives, but always in all things, God is with us, watching us, and loving us.

References:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/out-the-darkness/201111/can-suffering-make-us-stronger