Tag: Poetry

The Money

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The Money

There are more then a few bible verses regarding the use of money. Dave Ramsey’s course Financial Peace University revolves around scripture’s instructions on how to handle money. There’s no doubt that when handled correctly money can be a great asset, however if not handled correctly it can cause some of the most dire strife you may ever encounter in your life.

People love money; they love it so much peoples entire life revolves around the collection of dollar signs, the accumulation of riches. This accumulation of money makes people feel powerful. It makes people feel as if they can do anything they want. 1 Timothy 6:10 “For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” When we focus on money and we misuse the gifts given, we fall to the desires Satan wants us to fall to. Ecclesiastes 5:10 “He that loveth silver shall not be satisfied with silver; nor he that loveth abundance with increase: this [is] also vanity.” We are told not to allow ourselves to fall to the allure of money. Matthew 6:19-21 “Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:” And finally Proverbs 22:7 “The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower [is] servant to the lender.”

When money comes we must understand how to use it. We must first give thanks to the giver and all things the giver is God. When we are given a gift we must understand that we cannot squander what we are given. We must understand the nature of what we are given is given to us with the understanding we will share our gifts with others. Proverbs 22:9 “Whoever has a bountiful eye will be blessed, for he shares his bread with the poor.” When we are given money, especially in large sums we must learn to give back, pay back debts, and with work never get into debt again. Proverbs 28:27 “Whoever gives to the poor will not want, but he who hides his eyes will get many a curse.” When the going gets tough we must respect the rules. Give according to your own ability. Your giving will be bountifully repaid. Acts 11:29 “So the disciples determined, every one according to his ability, to send relief to the brothers living in Judea.”

 When we are given this gift use it to give, use it to set up a good future, and always remember to thank the giver. In all things it’s important to remember that if we make things messy we will only be given messy. We have to keep things neat and tidy. 2 Corinthians 9:6-7 “The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. 7 Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” Being debt free is a gift after years of trying. Pray not to squander that gift and use what you’re given for the benefit of God’s work.

As the house sells, and a new future begins, all I can do is thank God for my gift, and pray I use it in a pleasing way.

 

 

 

300

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300

It seems almost ironic that at 300 posts I’m nearly ready to go move on with my life. I’ve spent the last 388 days trying to learn to rebuild. In that time I’ve had some great success and have made wonderful progress. I’ve also suffered major setbacks and further pain. The blog was meant to be a way for me to reach others. It was meant for me to talk to others about the pain I hold inside and despite my best efforts I still have. While in some way and by some measures the blog has been highly successful, I don’t feel it’s reached the height of it’s potential as I wished it had. At my 200th blog entry, July 4th I had “1286 Visitors, 3628 Views, I’ve had 359 likes and 235 Comments. I have reached an astounding 51 countries.” Now 100 posts later I look back over the last 100 days. In 100 days instead of moving to Colorado I suffered a major back injury and instead of migrating west I underwent the knife, received a titanium plate, didn’t drive for a month and a half, and haven’t shot my bow in a hundred days. I’ve not dated anyone, and the only “date” I went on was my wife whom I’ve been separated since last September. Sounds pathetic when I say it out loud, but the chance to go play mini golf, dinner, and hang out was far to much to pass up. While I haven’t done anything spectacular except write, and I’ve kept my mother company, but overall, my contribution to life has been sadly disappointing.

What can I say about the 300 mark that doesn’t sound self-serving? I’ve been struggling to find the inspiration to write every day. It’s not been an easy 100 drays and in that time I’ve written to stay afloat, but the ideas, the titles, the scripture just hasn’t come to me as it once had. The month of September my views dropped by nearly 50%. While I have been told not to judge my own success based on others responses I’ve watched as people celebrate 100 followers in just a couple months. To date I’m at 75, and I’ve been here for months. I would guess the best way to look at this is I’ve continued to reach multiple countries. I’ve continued to reach new people, and while my following has slowed a great deal I continue my work, my mission. 229 days ago I started this mission and I’ve grown. My studies, my growth and my understanding of scripture have grown a great deal.

While I continue looking forward to whatever God has planned for my future, I pray for many things. This journey has been a lonely one, and while I fully understand there was a reason for God to keep me alone all this time I can’t help but hope that time is over. This journey of discovery has been the most difficult year of my life. As I’ve struggled with my own mortality, my own grief, my own demons, I have walked this journey not alone but hand in hand with Christ. While I’ve faced the darkness I can only ask for continued grace even though I’ve done nothing to deserve it. We fail every day and even as I’ve failed, as I’ve fallen, the good Lord has picked me up, brushed off my scrapped knees, and has held my hand when the seas got rough.

While I will always love those from my past, and I pray I will love again in my future, the days that come are slow and long. A look back over the last 100 days and I now sit at 2814 Visitors, 500 Likes, 6114 Views, and 86 Countries.

The voice that calls to me, speaking my name, I turned away for so long, but now I succumb to the voice and let go of who I once was. The days that came and went were only lessons to be learned. I glance behind only to see how long I’ve come. The days of past may haunt us in dreams, but can no longer harm us. The days of yesterday hold grip but tomorrow is where the focus should be. While I am uncertain of my path, uncertain of what may come my way, I am certain of only one thing, God is forever standing by my side. Where there’s trouble you must just call for the Lord and you will not be alone. Our safety is never certain, our prayers are not always answered, but we can rest assure there’s always a reason. While I have prayed every day for someone to truly accept me as theirs, while I have prayed that the fight with the VA would finally be over, while I have prayed that enough would be enough and I’d finally be able to live in a semi state of peace, that has not come to pass. As the road is long and hard I find myself weak and weary. I pray for help, I pray for guidance, and as I am continuously filled with conviction, with God’s love, I have the strength to get by one day at a time. As I rely on God’s grace and mercy I realize the enemy is the Devil, and the doubt is the whispers told in the dark. Like the Spartan’s I would gladly kick Satan down into the abyss, yelling “This Is Sparta!” Or like the President on Air Force One “Get off my plane!” You get the idea. Don’t let Satan lie to you and keep you from reaching your full potential.

While I cannot deny the blessings that are coming my way, it’s a bitter sweet. 300 posts, and as I wait to see how long I can keep up this pace, I know that eventually all good things must come to and end. Where I go form here I don’t know, but what I do know is I will continue to do God’s work, and try to make this world a better place. While I can’t say this blog will have won me any kind of notoriety, I do hope I’ve at least been influential in at least a life. I can only hope and pray that’s the case. The day shall rise and fall, and like the shadows on the wall, the season changes. Hope and prayer are sometimes the two greatest assets we may ever hold onto. Don’t loose hope even when things seem to be at their most bleak. When we look down even for just a moment, we take our eyes off of what’s in front of us, our focus dwindles for a moment, and next thing you know you look up and you’re about to collide with an iceberg. Don’t loose focus because it could be your doom if you do.

While I have noted a sharp drop in my following, and some days the posts I make don’t get a single hit anymore. These days all I can do is try to get the blogs out there. I can only hope to spread the word and hope that others will do so if they feel the desire to. Getting the word out, spreading the website, reposting the blog, sharing with friends and colleagues. My hope is to continue to expand, and I hope to reach more people every day.

 

 

Cha Cha Cha Changes

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Cha Cha Cha Changes

Well, now I have no idea what I’m going to do. The future looks like it’s going to be changing, and I see that it’s likely I’ll be kind of like that guy in a barrel about to go over the lip of the waterfall at Niagara Falls. Big changes come sometimes, and we aren’t always prepared for them. We don’t always know where the changes will take us, and we can’t always prepare for it. The changes that come raises the pressure, so our lives are someplace between Changes by David Bowie, and Pressure by Queen, “Turn to face the change” and “Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for, Under pressure that brings a building down, Splits a family in two, Puts people on streets” Life is full of change, and no matter how much we fight against it we just can’t seem to stop the raging river from doing what it wants. Time is that river of course and all way can do is lay back and enjoy the rapids.

While the future has been in a constant state of change with no set direction, nor has there been any resemblance that things are going to be calming down anytime soon, all I can do is sit back and pray. I am sitting around ready to go at a moments notice like the quick reaction force I used to be in Iraq. With major changes to the plan yet again, I haven’t the slightest clue where I’m going, or what I’m doing. With uncertainty the new catchphrase for my life, I’d say it’s back to the drawing board.

Proverbs 16:1-3 “The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord. All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit. Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” We plan what we want, what we think is best, but as our field of view is limited so we will never see the big picture. We must have faith that just because we may not have the slightest clue what we’re doing, God knows. As long as we are living our life in a Godly way, we can have faith that although the future may not be what we have planned, God’s still with us, God’s still on the throne, and we need to remain faithful and patient.

I remember when I was in Iraq we would sit around the house, we’d be cleaning equipment, playing games, watching movies, or catching up on some sleep. We waited around, waiting for the call that there was a mission. When that mission came we were ready within minutes to go into the unknown. We had a direction, but no idea what we were going to face. We responded to anything and everything to include IED’s (improvised explosive devices), suicide bombers, attacks, escorts, incoming fire locations, or outgoing fire locations. We were always flexible to the point some days we’d have several back to back missions, and often skipped meals for them. I don’t know what changed but I feel as if complacency has attacked me in my sleep. As I think back to what I call my glory days, I find myself longing for a time when I felt like I was making a physical difference in others lives. My teammates, my brothers depended on me to do my job. Now no one depends on me for anything. Reeling from the loss my my wife last year I find myself hoping I once again find someone to fill that void left in my life. I feel like I’m ready and I feel as if I’m sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for the next mission. I may not know when it’s going to come, but I know I have to be ready at a moments notice. So, here I am, ready for the changes, hopeful for the future, and ready for my next adventure.

 

 

Falling For You

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Falling For You

Giving us a choice, we walk our path alone, but for how long? The blood spilt on hallowed ground, the choices we make from then on out is our cross. Can’t say what tomorrow will bring, can’t say what’s in our future, but as we grow, I want you in it, my Lord my God, show me the way.

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You entered my life and I wasn’t prepared for it. You wore down my defenses, and without a word you got in beyond the shield, beyond the moat, beyond the walls. I don’t know how I feel, but what I feel I feel for you. You’ve changed my life in a day, a gift from above. My God was looking out for me, I was given a gift a beautiful flower plucked from the darkness and brought into the light. You’ve given me no other choice but to love. I don’t know my future but I know my past. All I know is I don’t want to live in the dark anymore. The light in my heart shines brighter. You’ve altered my life, and you’ve made me better. You smile at me, and you’ve created much glee.

When things were so dark and gloomy you put a little love in my heart. I don’t know tomorrow, or the part you play, but you’ve changed in me a big,  big way. As the light may shine bright, and even if you leave, you leave me in a better place. God brought you into my life just like Jesus said. We just need to wait and see but the love that floats around cannot be taken for granted. Making the world a better place one day at a time.

Even if you leave tomorrow I will forever hold you tight. We never know how long we have, or what we need to do. Loving this day is all we are asked to do. Knowing what’s in the air and following the rose petals that life lies down, we can only do one thing, appreciate the day we have.

Jesus gave us life, gave us hope, and we cannot walk away from the truth. In the darkness we find light and the darkness runs in fear. The case is you’re my super friend. Jesus the first superhero, He defeated death itself, and gave us the love we needed but never deserved. So from that cue, we have what we need, right when we need it. I am meant to be wherever you are next to me my Lord. All my life I promise to keep running towards you my grace. I pray you grant me a love that will last, a love that stands apart. I pray for the woman to be my partner and my best friend. When you give me her, I promise to always run home to her, to cherish her and love her as you so loved us. I may not be worthy of such love, but I know one day when you see fit, you’ll give me that gift. To love and to hold, as you loved us. 2 Corinthians 9:7-9 “Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency[e] in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. 9 As it is written,”

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The day grows dark, the hate rises from the depths of Hell, and all we can do is put love in our heart. It’s time to let go of the yesterday, be free from the pain that shackled you down, grow, and take a look around at the love that surrounds you. Make the world a better place and start with you. Be the light in your friends life, be the grace that people see, and know that Christ is working through you. Don’t let the perpetuation of hate continue in your life. Don’t let fear and doubt stain your sword. What more is there in this life that stands above love? Be the joy because Jesus lives in your heart and teaches you love.

While I search my heart for the right words, I’m left on the precipice looking over the wonders of the world. When I can think of nothing better then your presence, your smile, I know that you are more, you’re special in some way. No matter the time that passes I know you’ve forever changed me. Just as Christ has taken residence in my heart, you hold a place now too. Today, tomorrow, and always a difference forever made.

A little love

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A little love

Wake up in the morning and all you see is death and destruction on the TV. How do we stand the sights we see, and how do we keep living our live the same way? Someone asked me and said why would God allow such tragedies. Someone else told me Sin had nothing to do with this tragedy in Vegas, and that the Bible was a fictional piece of work written by man during a time period to control the masses. While I can argue a whole blog on the validity of the Bible and also Christ, this post will be about doing something. It’s time to stand up and fight back.

Tomorrow can feel to strong, it can feel crushing, and in those times you should fall back and take a breath, pray to Jesus and don’t worry about tomorrow, God’s already there. The Bible shows us the way, and just because we know the way doesn’t mean that path is an easy one to walk.

Waking up in the morning to heartbreak and death even if not related to us, can still affect us. During 9/11 I struggled holding back tears of sadness and anger. A few days ago when I saw the news about Vegas I was sick to my stomach. I had to remind myself that God’s still in control and no matter what happens, I have to understand the puzzle is bigger then me. I may never see or understand the hurt in this world. The only thing I can do is worship to my God that’s still on the throne. When the days are long and the road is still far, worship His holy name. His heart is kind and no matter the horrible things that happen God sees all, He feels all things and even in our suffering God is with us. 2 Corinthians 7:6-7 “But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, 7 and not only by his coming but also by the comfort with which he was comforted by you, as he told us of your longing, your mourning, your zeal for me, so that I rejoiced still more.” Knowing that the Christ, the Savior of our sins came and bled and died for us. This should provide comfort knowing that tomorrow will come.

In our time of grief let go of the hate, let go of the fear, let go of the war mongering. Playing political cards for political gain isn’t appropriate. At some point a conversation will be had, but in the mean time, it’s time to heal. Ask God for guidance and allow room in your broken heart. When your heart is in pieces, and the darkness feels like it’s filling up your mind, when you need a helping hand, put a little love in your heart.

“If you want the world to know

We won’t let hatred grow

Put a little love in your heart

And the world will be a better place

And the world will be a better place

For you (for you)

And me (and me)”

“Think of your fellow man,

Lend him a helping hand!”

The world can be such a better place for you and me if we just love the love scripture speaks of. Love concurs all, and we just need to push past the hate, push past the lies the deceit and when we can do that we might be able to overcome some of the worlds problems. Put a little love in your heart.

22279259_10159298296620304_4133294_oNo matter if you’re feelin blue, always be true to you, gotta find some joy and happiness. When you’re feelin low take it nice and slow. When the days are hard, always take a start, and feel the love. Put it all away when your feelin gray, and put a little love in your heart.

 

 

My What Big Eyes You Have

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My What Big Eyes You Have

Matthew 7:15-20 “15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. 16 Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? 17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. 19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. 20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.”

When I was a young boy I thought my life was normal. Then I started to open my eyes to the world around me. I looked at the families of my friends, I looked at the kids at school and I realized my life was far from average. As I got older I found I was disconnected from the world around me. The world as it was didn’t seem to accept me for who I was. The bullying started and soon it was more then just name calling and teasing it became physical. My shoes would be taken in gym and tossed around, my stuff would be knocked to the floor, I’d be pushed around when nobody was watching and no one ever came to my rescue. The day I received a swirly was one of the worst and most shameful moments of my life. I didn’t want the world to see me anymore. If all of that wasn’t bad enough, the following school year my mother was involved in a serious incident. It wasn’t long before the cat was out of the bag, and mean kids became cruel and from then on the words were that of physiological warfare….. Torture. When the school bullies learned of what happened I became the punch line and it was clear I wasn’t ever going to fit in. I drew into myself. I tried to put on a smile, but it was fake. No one knew the pain, and even the school counselors did nothing. Twice I was punished for fighting back when I was pushed or shoved into the lockers, or when someone said just the right thing knowing after 3 years how to push my buttons. Every day I thought about my life and how much I wanted the world to end. Every day I cried wishing my life would end and the pain would stop. I wasn’t normal, I wasn’t special, I was nothing in the world. The idea of life’s meaning was brought up more then once in my internal monolog. Would the world have been better without me? Since no one wanted me, I was an anomaly that there was no answer too.

I wandered through life lost, and confused about who I was. I felt the Devils claws digging into my heart and squeezing the joy from my chest as if I were some fruit trying to get juice. The thoughts in my head kept telling me, there’s a better way, better days for the winds to lift us on eagles wings and we would find better ways to look into the storm and stand tall against the Devil and his minions of death. Would moving make things better? Would a change make things better? From the ages of 10 to 16 I moved around a few times trying to find where I belonged, each time feeling as if I were betraying someone. Every time I left I struggled with my decision. A foolish sense of loyalty remained in my heart and caused doubt with each passing day. The joy would only be temporary and the guilt would set in like a sticky fog and I couldn’t outrun it.

The life I wanted would come with my final move. A school I could find myself in, friends I would grow to depend on, the occasional girlfriend, and an abundance of success. Finally for the first time in my life I found a sense of peace, a sense that the world wasn’t all out to get me. While every life has its setbacks, every heart has its heartbreak, and every day must bring forth it’s night, the truth was I was home. Three years I lived that life, and three years I found my happiness. When the day came to graduate I knew life wasn’t going to play by the rules anymore. I knew the protection we teenagers had would eventually fall away. It’s that false sense of security that’s so important to notice.

I sit alone and listen to the words of the music from my computer. We see through our eyes of perspective, but narrow and pointed. How we don’t see the truth, how we never think to walk a mile in their shoes. What would it be like to walk in someone’s shoes? Would we ever see the pain they hide behind their eyes? Would we feel what they feel? What’s it like to feel the pain of someone else? What’s it like to feel the judgments we deal out? What’s it like to be on the receiving end of our harsh words and our snap judgments? What is it like to be at the top and still feel like you’re at the bottom? When we receive our gifts in life do we look at them objectively, or do we allow our narrow field of view to blind us? Is it a gift or a curse? Are the gifts we embrace truly gifts or are they wolves in sheep’s clothing?

While in my life I’ve loved deeply, that love has come with a cost. I have lost the women in my life I was closest too. I have loved and lost more then many, but still less then others. My life has had its share of pain and suffering, but was it because of my inability to see the true nature of what I had? What may appear to be a wonderful gift from God might truly be a curse. The truth hurts and nothing hurts like the betrayal of the people we love most. Best friends will leave you, loved ones will forsake you, the words that are uttered will cut most deeply. The Devil will try to get to you using any means possible. The Devil will break through and turn your friends against you. The Devil will draw your spouse away and in that the wolves are everywhere. The Devil takes no prisoners and doesn’t care at the cost, the collateral damage left in the wake of destruction. I spent so much of my life hanging low, picking up the pieces from the ground trying to put my life back together over and over again.

The truth is however you can’t rebuild using the rubble of your life; you must first clear away the destruction to make room for the new. You must remove the old and damaged pieces and look to the future, look to the sky for the chances to rebuild stronger and better then it was before. Looking at the destruction of our lives is easy to do, but when the storm blows through and the light shines through, clear the old and make room for the new. You can’t build a house on top of the old one. You can’t let the destruction of the old get in the way of the possibilities. Furthermore, you cannot look at every gift with suspicion. You must have faith in God and the blessings bestowed upon you. As I have said in the past trust but verify. Look at the gifts and be thankful for what you have.

Even as the wolf lays in the bed waiting to gobble you up, wearing a grandma suit trying to trick you, you cannot allow for the sin of others to affect you and take away your joy. Christ died for us, his blood spilt to give us the joy of salvation. No matter what people say or do, that will never define the purpose God has for you. Believe in yourself no matter what the devil throws in your path. Life will hurt you, the Devil will beat you, and the world you love so much, the life you’ve built will crumble around you and you will be powerless to stop it. No matter the storm stand strong, stand tall. Fight back against the wolves sent to pull you down, pull you away from Christ. Fight back and don’t allow the Devil to stop you from moving forward. You can never hit a home run if you’re too afraid to swing. You cannot allow the Devil to pull you away from salvation. Believe in yourself and live your life with Love, Kindness, and Compassion for your fellow man. Trust in the word and love.

It’s hard to love after major disasters. It’s hard to have faith in tomorrow when your standing in the middle of destruction but as Christ forced the very clouds upon the water to part, the winds to vanish, and the sun to shine, your life is only a matter of time and prayer. Prayers for help, pray for guidance, and pray for strength to persevere. Love is about having faith; it’s about pushing and believing in God, believing in yourself, and trying to always see the best in the people in your life. Life can be rebuilt for as long as you draw breath there is always hope. As long as you believe the world turns, the sunrises and sets and with every day a chance to change, a chance to paint a new canvas with your own story, you can be exactly the person God knows you can be. Do you believe in life after love? When you don’t think you’re strong enough, fall to your knees and you will be blessed. We are strong enough as long as we have Christ with us and by our side. Never quit and never allow the wolf to take from you that, which is most precious, your faith in Christ.

Seasons Change

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Seasons Change

The storms will come and the destruction it brings.

The dark clouds come and the light fades out.

A season of change and alas do the clouds split?

Head down and strong shoulder through

Tonight is the night to watch the storm break.

We cannot hold on forever

We cannot live in the past.

The storm rocked the world and still standing.

Tonight fix the sight, change the focus.

Tonight I’m gonna live my life and say goodbye.

The storm must break and the new light breaths new life.

Tomorrow the sun shall rise and the past is past.

Running away from the past, towards the future.

It’s funny ain’t it, how a small thing can bring such change.

God’s funny that way, how when the sky looks so dark, the light is just moments away.

You can tell how amazing it is, how it takes your breath away.

How the light glistens in the wind.

The storm clouds leave and the air fresh and new.

The matters of the heart are wonderful and wondrous.

The sweetest truths are found when least expected.

How can I put down in words how wonderful life is.

God gave me Christ, and Christ gave me life.

How wonderful life is while you’re in the world.

Tell me it’s not too good to be true, the storm rolls away.

I wanna know it’s true, I feel the change, could I see it too?

I’ve been wrong before, but the day goes on.

I want the truth, I can handle the truth.

God I trust in you, I need to, I need to know it’s all right.

I trust in you when you say forgiveness is mine.

My God my God, I need you to help me, don’t take this from me.

If I’m wrong it’s to good to be true, but can it, and is it, I don’t know.

We never know the end, so we live for today. The end is neigh and live for now.

Love all, serve all.

 

 

 

 

Everybody’s Got a Price

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Everybody’s Got a Price

Price Tag Bardon Bella’s

Seem’s like everybody’s got a price,

I wonder how they sleep at night,

When the sale comes first

And the truth comes second,

Everybody look to their left

Everybody look to their right

Can you feel that, yeah

We’re paying with love tonight

It’s not about the money money money

We don’t need your money money money

We just wanna make the world dance

2 Samuel 6:14 “And David danced before the LORD with all his might. And David was wearing a linen ephod.” When was the last time you danced for the Lord? When was the last time you put the sale second, and you paid in love? When was the last time you rejoiced knowing that Jesus Christ was our Lord and Savior? When was the last time you fell to your knees and cried in front of the alter, at the foot of the cross and you let all the worry, the sorrow, the guilt, the pain, to flow in a river of tears and you surrendered to the Lord above?

Everybody's got a price 2

We spend so much time worrying about money, about fame, about prizes, about that next promotion, the next vacation, but when was the last time you truly let all that go long enough to realize it’s not about the money, it’s about making the world dance, rejoicing in the fact we have a hope that pays far better then any worldly conquest. Don’t you see that Jesus Christ, the perfect lamb sacrificed and rose again in fulfillment of the scripture. Christ bridged the gap that had fallen on mankind after the fall from Eden. Sin swept over the world like a plague, and we were held in quarantine for lack of a better term. Christ was our medicine, our inoculants to prepare us for the long road ahead of us. Jesus Christ’s death tore the tapestry in the temple, the divide between Man and God. Eternal death was finally no longer a punishment, but a choice. We’ve got the magic in us, we have the righteous fruit, the music to lift our souls, Christ. Psalm 30:11 “You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,” Turn your sorrow into gladness. Let go of the pain inside and rejoice that the King of Kings is still on the throne.

Jesus wants us to come to him. When you listen to the music in this world, the stuff that really makes you joyful, what if you imagined it was Jesus talking to you?

Tell me your troubles and doubts
Giving me everything inside and out and
Love’s strange so real in the dark
Think of the tender things that we were working on

 When you surrender your fears and doubts up to the Lord how can you not lift your hands in praise, how can you not cry the tears of joy, and how can you not dance like you’ve never danced before, all in the name of our Lord.

Everybody's got a price 3

Don’t let the price you pay be eternal death. Salvation is a choice we must all make. There’s only one way to salvation, it’s not through good works, its not through being a “good person” it’s accepting the Son of the Father.

John 14:6 “Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

Matthew 7:13-14 “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.”

 Following Christ is difficult because you paint a bulls eye on your chest. The deceiver has wanted mankind to fail from the beginning. The world is tempting and has many traps. It’s a hard life to live avoiding the traps and the quicksand of the world, but for those who truly relinquish themselves will naturally forgo some of those problems. Don’t be deceived just because you follow the Lord doesn’t mean it won’t be a difficult life. But make no mistake there is only one way to heaven. Know we are ridden with sin, but know that Christ loves us despite of that sin. Know that when we reach the cross we must do so with a repentant heart, live a life with means and dedication to the cross. Rejoice in times of trouble because even then we know that this life is only a temporary skin and our everlasting bodies will be perfect. When life is hard, and you can’t seem to make a single step because of pain, because of discouragement, turn on the music of the heart, and dance for the Lord. Dance your heart out to Christ, and when you show the Lord that you trust in Him, you will not fail because Christ will always be with you. Be prepared for trouble, but don’t forget to dance.

 

Why do I feel the way I do?

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Why do I feel the way I do?

I’ve been considering an awful lot about my future these last few weeks I’ve been in recovery. I’ve been wondering why it’s been so hard to meet new people. I’ve been wondering why every plan I’ve had since my separation started has blown up in my face. I’ve been wondering why every new potential lady I’ve met has ghosted me. What does that say about me? Am I being prepared for something more in the future, or something I’m supposed to learn right here and now? While of course I won’t ever have an answer the questions come regardless.

A verse that popped out at me today Hebrews 4:12 “For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” While I have begged for a change of heart, a change in the way I feel in certain circumstances, I have yet to overcome a particular character flaw, or at least what I perceive as a flaw. God can see what is in our heart of hearts. He sees beyond the mask we wear and show those around us. God sees everything and knows our deepest thoughts, even the ones we may bury so deep we ourselves don’t see them. The truth in the word can often cut us deep to the bone. My personal experience has led me to feel the conviction on more then one occasion. There was a major event last year that touched me. There was a sermon on forgiveness that I needed to hear just one day after I found out about a serious wrong against me by someone I cared for.

Hebrews 4:13 “Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do.” God knows what we need and when we need it. The right message at the perfect time and when we don’t listen to the word the message is sent to us one way or another, and perhaps by force. The Father wants what’s best for us, and sometimes when the father wants to teach children a particular lesson you have to have a more stern teaching method. Though I’m not a father, and I never had a father, I pay attention to the fathers of my close friends. As I have often felt bitter about the way my life has gone, the hardships I’ve faced and I am forced to remind myself that scripture is full of those who went through so much pain prior to death. Moses, Joseph, Stephen, Paul, David (Prior to becoming King), and of course the suffering and crucifixion of Jesus Christ. If my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ could go through torture, relinquishing any pride, and knowing what was at stake, our immortal souls free from eternal damnation.

Knowing all of this, why do I still feel like I’m not good enough? Romans 7:14-20 “For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. 15 For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good.17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.” Knowing I am special and unique because I am of God’s creation does not stop my own self worth being in question. Perhaps the biggest issue is the built in flaw that we see as a flaw, but what if that flaw isn’t a flaw at all. 2 Corinthians 12:7 “So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited.” While I am always willing to admit I’m wrong, and I may be on the built in flaw aspect, it would make sense to ensure we aren’t conceited. For me my biggest failing is my self worth, and the need for social interaction. I guess one of the biggest things to face is the problem, and admitting there is one, or at least something to work on. While it’s very possible that these flaws are there to give us something to always work on. None of us are perfect because we can’t be. Sin prevents perfection and the sooner we realize what our flaws are, accept them, and focus on fixing them to the best of our ability we can realize we are exactly as God created us.

Every waking day we fight because the battle doesn’t stop just because we don’t want to fight anymore. While I would love nothing more to drop off the grid, if I could manage the solitude I have often questioned if anyone would miss me. I have often questioned if I could get over my social requirements if I could actually survive out on my own. I have questioned if I could manage to live on a boat by myself on the sea, in a cabin in the woods, and just survive without the influence of the world. The world beats us down and some people have more struggles then others. The path and struggle although painful and full of sacrifice, the end result is something more. We can either embrace the fire or run from it. I feel the way I do because the world has been a cruel and unforgiving place full of pits and spikes, and flaming arrows that have burned down my life more then once. The house can always be rebuilt if the foundation is strong. A tree can be cut back and cut back, but with strong roots it can grow again. When the world burns down the house to the foundation rebuilding takes time. So long as we realize rebuilding can’t and won’t happen over night, we can be in the right mindset that rebuilding is a chance to change, a chance to fix mistakes, make things bigger and stronger then they were before. To purge the old and make way for the new, but there will be hardships along the way, there will be tests, but know that God never allows you to go through the tests until you’re ready to overcome them. Be brave and keep calm, buckle your armor and prepare for the next step, the next chapter and face the enemy head on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Cage

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The Cage

You lied to me and then you left. My heart was cracked and broken, and all this time it feels like it’s still held captive behind a cage. Unable to be free, unable to heal, the barbed wire tears it apart with each attempt to escape the torture. For how long will you have the power over my heart? For how long will you break my heart again and again?

The day has to come when the power breaks. Nothing can last forever. Once upon a time I thought you were my angel sent to me by God, the reward for a life of hardship. Once upon a time I thought you were my sign that life would forever be a blessing and I foolishly believed that love, the love we had would be the forever kind. I believed with all my heart that no matter what came our way I wouldn’t have to worry. But I underestimated the devils cry. I didn’t see the attack before it was too late, and then, you were gone.

I didn’t fight in time. The Trojan horse got in, and I watched it come. I took the horse for a horse not a trap. I rose no defense, I sounded no alarm, and when the night came the true nature of the horse was revealed and by then the fight was over.

My love was all I had to give. I gave the world I could, but that love wasn’t strong enough. Without that love I questioned everything in my life. I fell into a caged despair. I gave my everything, but like some soldier going toe to toe with Hercules I was swatted away like a fly, not chance at all. I stood no chance against the giant and I fell easily.

There’s nowhere to run, there’s no place to go, I can only surrender what’s left within me to the alter of the one above. I beg and plead to put the pieces back together. I beg and plead to make me whole. The one above is powerful and through the grace of His love and peace, the pieces can be made whole again. God above will mend the heart, but the scars will remain. As Christ rose from the dead for the defeat of eternal death, the scars remained, proof of the past, so thus we must keep our scars.

I question my past and my present yet no answers come. I never thought the day would come when the world would crack in two, but on the day it did I cried to the heavens I was sorry for any mistakes I made, I was sorry for my part in the tragedy. The Lord above forgives the repenting heart. The Lord above feels what we feel, sees what we see, and when we break He breaks.

With my still broken heart, the good Lord heals, but the mending of a broken heart takes time. We feel so deeply sometimes and it takes time to mend, to fix the broken code in the programming. When you feel like you’re crashing make sure you reach towards the Lord. When my day came, when I crashed, I hit Cnt-Alt-Del, and watched as the lights went out.

“At first I was afraid, I was petrified, kept thinkin’ I could never live without you by my side, but then I spent so many nights how you did me wrong, I grew strong, and I learned how to get along.” (I Will Survive)

I will survive. One day my prison will crumble and I will yet again have freedom. When that day comes it will be a sigh of relief. Remember that the true freedom is the freedom over sin, the blood that was paid for, for our sin by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. While we are told we will face our own trials, we will have to take up our own cross, we too our promised our battled and our own scars. The scars will always be there as a reminder of where we came, and what we’ve survived. Embrace the scars because no matter how bad it was, you survived and now have a story to tell.

One day I will tell my story, and while it will have its ups, it’ll have its downs, it’ll have it’s laughs, and it’ll have it’s tears, but it will always have God at the center. The day will come when the morning comes and the chains will burn away and the pain won’t be able to keep you bound anymore. “All I know is I’m not home yet, this is not where I belong. Take this world and give me Jesus, this is not where I belong.” (Building 429)

My heart shattered that day, the world shook and went dark, the blood was spilt, the tears flooded the ground, but the hand of Jesus was there reaching down towards me and lifted me up. Never stop fighting the fight, never stop healing, and never stop moving forward. The power of the Lord can heal any wound and we need that healing touch.

Lord you made me feel so shiny and new, you picked me up, dusted me off and stood me up. While I may be within my own cage, while I am still watching from behind these chains, I know that one day they will fall away. Faith, it’s what we have, it’s what I have. One day the Son will return and when the day comes, I will be ready to return home.