Tag: personal

Resistance is Futile

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Resistance is Futile

DSC_5964 The Borg, an alien species both cybernetic and organic,bent on the path to perfection assimilating species by going from one world to the next. This wasn’t done through peaceful means, more like universal destructive domination. You see the Devil isn’t to dissimilar then the Borg. While the Borg want perfection and are willing to gain it at all cost, the Devil wants total domination over all. The Borg use the tagline Resistance is Futile, meaning no amount of resisting will matter, the Borg will defeat any enemy and assimilate every race to add it’s biological and technological distinctiveness to their own. The Devil tries everything he can to draw us away from God. He tries to get the world to assimilate to his will. Like the villain Zod from superman, “Kneel before Satan” is what the Devil wants.

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As the world’s viewpoint has evolved, changed, we have become more open minded to horrible things, horrible ideals. Once upon a time it was unthinkable to divorce unless there was provocation. In ancient days a woman having an affair was punishable by death. A man could also be punished. Today, people marry and divorce like eating a piece of candy. People have a casual relationship with lies, and being faithful. Gang’s are on the rise, war within our own society is rising. There is rioting, looting, crime, and so much hate that this world is

Revelation 20:10 “And the devil who had deceived them was thrown into the lake of fire and sulfur where the beast and the false prophet were, and they will be tormented day and night forever and ever.” We know that in our case resistance is not futile. The Devil will try to fight and draw you away, but the truth is you have a choice. You have a choice to be apart of the resistance against the Devils attempt to take over and trying to achieve absolute power. Revelations 20:1-3 “Then I saw an angel coming down from heaven, holding in his hand the key to the bottomless pit and a great chain. And he seized the dragon, that ancient serpent, who is the devil and Satan, and bound him for a thousand years, and threw him into the pit, and shut it and sealed it over him, so that he might not deceive the nations any longer, until the thousand years were ended.” We know how the war will end, and we know that we have a choice. While the Devil will whisper in our ears and tempt us down a dark path, we must remain vigilant and continue to fight because we can. While Captain Picard is talking about his fight with the Borg and has his own personal vendetta against them, he made this speech, “We’ve made too many compromises already, too many retreats. They invade our space, and we fall back. They assimilate entire worlds, and we fall back. Not again! The line must be drawn here! This far, no further! And I will make them PAY for what they’ve done!” Don’t retreat over and over again. Stand your ground against the Devil and never stop.

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In the days of Rome, the Romans would invade new territory and would largely stay out of the inner workings of the new locations. The Romans would stay out of the affairs of the people unless it directly affected matters of state. The crucifixion of Christ was due to the Pharisees drawing false charges against Jesus. They gathers people by bribing them to come before Pilate and forcing the leader of the Romans in the city to choose death for Christ. Pilate wanted to stay out of the affair, but public uprising was a real threat to his power. Based on the decision of the people and only the people he allowed the people to choose death, and to kill Jesus instead of a known murderer and thief Barbarus. The Samarians however would invade countries and they would force assimilation of the new territory. They would force the women to marry Samaritan men and thus forcing compliance to change beliefs, and the children would be raised as a Samaritan child. Resistance is not futile however when it comes to our fight against the devil. We can resist, and we have our Savior to help us do that.

No matter how bad the odds look or how bad a situation may seem, God can get us through any hardships. Deuteronomy 20:1 “Then I saw an angel coming down from heaven, holding in his hand the key to the bottomless pit and a great chain. And he seized the dragon, that ancient serpent, who is the devil and Satan, and bound him for a thousand years, and threw him into the pit, and shut it and sealed it over him, so that he might not deceive the nations any longer, until the thousand years were ended.” Make sure you always stand tall, and be ready for anything. Resistance is not futile and you can always fight back, for as long as you draw breath, there’s always hope.

 

 

 

 

Hit The Pavement

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Hit The Pavement

We cannot just stand by and watch as injustice, hardships, or destruction destroys the lives of our neighbors. How can you claim to be a Christian and sit idly by and all you do is shake your head and say, ‘shame’. No longer can we just sit and hope it just passes us by. Christians have a responsibility to do what we are able to bring peace and hope to those who have none, for those who are poor, or for those who have lost everything for reasons they may not be responsible for.

Iridescent By; Linkin Park

 When you were standing in the wake of devastation
When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown
And with the cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now
You were there impossibly alone

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
You build up hope but failure’s all you’ve known
Remember all the sadness and frustration

And let it go, let it go

And in the burst of light that blinded every angel
As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars
You felt the gravity of temper grace falling into empty space
No one there to catch you in their arms

No matter the devastation we face we know that as bad as it gets we know that even if we don’t have someone to catch us, or someone to hold us during our time of need, we know that God is always with us. While sometimes that seems like a small piece of consolation, we need to remember that people are fallible and in our sorrow knowing that God, the creator of all is still suffering along side us every day, should grant us comfort. The Angels from above are with us, and protect us from harm. In the wake of the tragedies that have fallen upon the United States in the Hurricanes, the anniversary of 9/11, and so much more. Every day citizens of this great nation experience hardships and tragedy. In those times we must remember it’s so very important to never quit, and to keep pushing forward.

Dealing with hardships and pain isn’t ever easy, but it’s something that takes work. To accomplish anything worthwhile we must put boots on the ground and pound the pavement. We must work because everything we want requires work to obtain it. James 2:14-26 14 What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good[a] is that? 17 So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. 18 But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. 19 You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder! 20 Do you want to be shown, you foolish person, that faith apart from works is useless? 21 Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered up his son Isaac on the altar? 22 You see that faith was active along with his works, and faith was completed by his works;23 and the Scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness”—and he was called a friend of God. 24 You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone. 25 And in the same way was not also Rahab the prostitute justified by works when she received the messengers and sent them out by another way? 26 For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead.” We must always show our faith, show our gratitude by doing good works in the name of Jesus Christ. We cannot say we are truly living if we don’t do work to make things better. We don’t often get a chance to right a wrong, but when bad things happen in our lives, we are given that chance. It’s never too late to try, and it’s never too late to work on correcting choices from the past.

While the world will continue to beat you down and as relentless as it can be you always have a better way. So make sure you work for what you want. Work for the changes you want to see in your life, and work to make the world around you a better place. Do the good work that God asks for and do it with pride. Be an ambassador for Christ and show the world the meaning of good works and Christ’s love.

 

 

The Longest Yard

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The Longest Yard

 September 12, 2004 a day that rings out in memory every year. No matter the time that’s passed the vivid memory floods back every year.

DSC01025The crisp morning air and sun shines down on the empty streets of Ar-Ramadi. The mission starts led by my primary truck. I am the second truck in the convoy and the mission is simple, the scouts provide the quick reaction force in congruence with the Marines that would be doing the door to door raids of several blocks of apartment buildings. While the mission seemed simple the fact is the mission didn’t go according to the plan. Crossing the bridge over the Euphrates River the city looked abandoned. The hair on the back of my neck stood up and as we made the right turn at the fork. The sound came over the radio “IED IED IED!” I saw it, and blew past. The procedure was go out 100 meters, create a perimeter and let the guys in EOD do their thing. Before we made it to the 100 meter mark the truck in front of me disappeared in two massive explosions and smoke, dust, sand, and shrapnel flew into the air causing the road beyond to vanish from sight. From what I knew it looked like the truck had been destroyed. It was at that moment the bullet hit my door and the following moments slowed down. The screams from within the truck of orders and commands, information of targets, directions of travel, and the sounds of gun fire from both overhead and in the distance being directed towards the two trucks.

The 15 minutes of hell on earth left a lasting impression. The half a dozen RPG’s fired towards our location, the battle damage the two trucks endured from the bullet’s, IED’s, and RPG’s was extensive. While my truck took the majority of the damage ending with little to no fluids remaining, blown tires, a loss of power steering, and a main weapon that had a catastrophic failure in the middle of the firefight, the result was clear, God was looking out for the 1/9 scouts that day. While there were several close calls and even after we were credited with several kills, not one of the scouts was wounded that day. No matter how many times I’ve tried the images of that day have stayed with me. We were blessed that day and no amount of luck will ever be able to stand toe to toe with blessings.

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We often look back on our lives with 20/20 vision, and within that we start to question our path. I should have done that, or I could have done more, and any combination therein. In our daily walk we have to learn to trust in ourselves to know we made the best decision possible with what we knew at the time. No matter what problem we are left facing there will always be opinions of a better way to handle it, there will always be questions as to why we did what we did, or why we felt the way we felt, but the truth is, it’s easy to criticize anyone. We will never be free of second guessing, and especially when we see so much failure in our own life, we must learn to let it go. We cannot save everyone. We cannot always save ourselves. We can’t allow ourselves to be overcome with desperation, with sadness, with helplessness, and we must always realize that the past is cemented for all eternity, thus forcing us to do only one thing, and that’s learning from the past.

Remember everything we go through, all the pain, the suffering, and even so much as the good things in our life are just building experiences. When I was a supervisor in security and there would be an event that took place after the excitement was over, the paperwork was done, I often sat down with my officers and did an AAR or After Action Review. I asked them what they thought they did well, and what things they would change, but more importantly what could be learned to improve on for the next emergency or disturbance. No matter what we face in our world we know that God is always with us and we need to have faith in that. We must remember that we are a broken people but there is hope, the light of Christ. While we will make the best choices we can to ensure they truly are the best we must be walking in the light of Christ. Don’t loose sight of the compass that points to God. Have faith in God and our daily choices being made with the thought of ‘What Would Jesus Do’ will allow the scrutiny to be at a minimum.

Sometimes in the dark, sometimes when life is heavy and we can’t get away if feels like that last yard is a mile away. Let me reassure you that no matter the distance you have yet to go, the journey doesn’t have to be yours alone. The distance may seem more then you can go, especially when you feel like you can’t take another step. God will grant you strength to get by on your own, and if the strength isn’t granted to you, God will put someone in your path that will help you bare your cross. Don’t allow the past to dictate terms in your life, and don’t allow today’s problems to weigh you down so much you can’t walk. There’s no shame in asking for help, sometimes that’s exactly what we need and it’s exactly what’s expected.

 

 

Service With Honor

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Service With Honor

In life sometimes there is one person we will connect with on a very special level. Ever since my time in this world I haven’t had a connection more then that I feel with my service dog. Riley has been with me for the last 6 years and in that time a connection has grown. Every day I go out she goes with me. That time together we have spent a relationship has grown for the both of us. She has never left me, she has never not been there watching out for me. She knows when I hurt and she does everything within her power to make that better. Her training has taught her to alert me when anxiety levels are high. She knows to watch my six anytime we are out in town. She alerts me if people walk up behind me, she protects me by passively standing in between someone and myself. She can walk with me while I’m using both hands to push a shopping cart and always knows just where to be. She doesn’t like when I’m not around just as much as I don’t like it when she’s not. I’ve grown to depend on her and she depends on me. In our life we will often have pets throughout our life. Riley isn’t my pet, she’s my best friend. When I come home if she’s not been with me she’s super excited to see me. She can’t wait to give me hugs and kisses. Yes I taught my service dog how to hug people. I will be her entire life, and even though she will only be apart of my life for a short while, the impact she’s had on me will be forever.

Riley has seen me through my darkest days. When I returned home from my injury last year she was there to help me when the quiet was banging on my eardrums. She was there for me when I cried. She laid in my lap, and she’d lick my face when I cried. She curls up with me at night providing warmth and comfort. While she’s incapable in stopping every nightmare I have, she’s always a constant presence for me when I wake up. Riley’s ability to take hand signals from me, her ability to listen to simple instruction, and then complex instructions. Her being out with me every day prevents me from falling into a situation where I could potentially be taken to the hospital. Though she’s not been able to prevent every anxiety attack, she’s certainly tried.

I was recently asked what to military dogs do? I’ve heard people say what a service dog is not, and say what a service dog doesn’t do. I’ve heard that a service dog would never ‘sniff’ anyone. I’ve heard service dogs shouldn’t need ‘spoken direction’. This couldn’t be further from the truth. While not every service dog requires focus like diabetes alert dogs, or seizure dogs, the ignorance of our society astounds me. Recently I learned that a local hospital I frequent often has a policy that only a small particular group is covered under the rule, Amputee, Seeing Eye, Hearing Impaired, are the only dogs officially covered. However the policy is all dogs are to be accepted so long as the dog isn’t causing any issues, and is behaving. The problem with this policy is the liberty it gives the employees to discuss services dogs. Recently I heard an argument between two employees about the definition of what service dogs do or don’t do. It was loud enough to interrupt my conversation with someone about my service dog. Military dogs are trained extensively prior to going into war. The military trains its dog to detect explosive materials and weapons. Military dogs can also detect drugs and other contraband. These dogs require direction, just like any other service dog. Even the best-trained dogs can have their issues. I recently saw a movie about a military bomb dog, and as you watch, you’ll see that no matter what a dog’s trained to do, a dog is still a dog. They will suffer from the same things people do. My dog for instance doesn’t like elevators or bridges. I’ve never understood why she doesn’t like walking bridges, but her fear is what it is. I have learned to work around her fear understanding we all have them.

 

Service with honor

If my verbal direction sounds like a problem, to that I say ‘Stay in your lane.’ People in our society have to have an opinion. People have to not just have an opinion they have to state their opinion, and instead of directing the appropriate questions to people who know, they argue and bicker. Another thing I’ve noticed is how some people will ask ‘why do they need a service dog, I don’t see anything wrong with them?’ This question upsets me a great deal. While I’ve studied mental illness, the affects of PTSD, and the cause of anxiety, if that person as a panic/anxiety attack, you hope they have their dog. Feeling that way is horrible, speaking from experience. Panic attacks cause an increase in heart rate, blood pressure, trouble breathing, and can often manifest dizziness. The calming affect from animals is evident through science. Trained service animals still take some kind of commands. Bomb dogs need direction, even hearing and other kinds of dogs all take commands.

All I ask is if you’re going to make assumptions on service dogs, perhaps you need to do some research first, or ask someone with a service dog. Please don’t pass judgment on those with service animals, and please don’t assume just because you can’t see any disability doesn’t mean they aren’t there.

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For those of us who’ve served we serve with Honor. We allow those who have served our country to suffer with PTSD, with the nightmares from the life we’ve lived. From today as we remember 9/11 we remember the fallen, and the survivors. We can only hope that we have learned from our mistakes, and remember service comes in many ways. The years after tragedy the ones who are left should be honored, the ones that have fallen are lost but never forgotten. No matter the season, no matter the day, those who serve write a blank check in the act of that service. Firefighters in New York, Police, and the New York Port Authority, wrote a blank check on this day 16 years ago. Soldiers have been writing that check for generations past, and generations to come. People who work in the services put themselves in harms way and we take off our hats to remember them. We learn to pick ourselves up, and we united in the months following 9/11. We’ve fallen wayside in the following years, and we ought to remember to slow down in our lives and we need to remember the simple truth, we are all human, not black, not white, not any other race, we are humans. We are also all Americans. We have a commonality far greater then what we live today. We all have Jesus Christ and in front of the cross we are judged the same. We are always on equal footing in front of God All Mighty, and thus we must remember to set our personal differences aside and join on equal footing to fight and defend this nation. We honor the dead by fighting, and we are not done fighting.

My service dog

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My service dog

I believe that in life God doesn’t want his children to be alone. I believe we are our best selves when we have someone special in our lives. While we have come a long way in our understanding of science and medicine we are a long way from being able to fully understand the workings of the human brain. Sometimes when someone is faced with PTSD there are many different symptoms to various degrees that someone may face. A particular service dog will be able to assist by doing particular jobs to prevent someone with PTSD from facing any number of symptoms alone. “A Specially Trained PTSD Dog can provide a sense of security, calming effects, and physical exercise that can make a positive difference in the life of those that suffer with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Like all assistance dogs, a psychiatric service dog is individually trained to do work or perform tasks that mitigate their handler’s disability. Training may include providing environmental assessment (in such cases as paranoia or hallucinations), signaling behaviors (such as interrupting repetitive or injurious behavior reminding the handler to take medication, retrieving objects and guiding the handler from stressful situations. PTSD Service Dogs can literally change the life of a Veteran or other persons with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD Service dogs can help a Veteran remain calm by preventing people from crowding around or rushing up behind in public places which will provide a comfortable space for the Veteran or PTSD sufferer.

PTSD Service Dogs can:

  • help adjust serotonin levels
  • help lower blood pressure
  • help with episodes of depression
  • provide companionship
  • calm their handler
  • preventing people from crowding around or rushing up on their handler

The above tasks represent what a PTSD service dog is capable of performing. Each PTSD service dog is specifically trained to their owners personal needs based on their medical condition and may or may not include the above tasked described.” (http://www.canines4hope.com/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-dogs-ptsd-dog-training-florida.htm)

Each and every day thousands of people to include veterans and non-veterans suffer from the symptoms of PTSD. It can be difficult to let go of the traumas of war. There are particular things that are a constant struggle for me. Going into a public place alone causes high anxiety. Having my back to a room, an entrance causes undue tension. My service dog Riley, provides 360 security for me. When I am standing at a counter she sits next to or behind me but always watching my back. When I am sitting someplace she is my vigilance, my battle buddy. She knows when stress and anxiety rises and she alerts me of that. My service dog has been my companion for 6 years now. She’s my rock when I need comfort, she’s my protector within the house, and she is my first line of defense.

You never know what someone may be facing under the surface. In recent months I have faced push back from a lot of different places regarding the need for a service dog. While this world understand a great deal of things, it’s lagging behind the service dog presence. While our understand of PTSD has grown in the last 10 years, we are finding the benefits of what service animals can do. While dogs have been used for many physical disabilities for years and years, the use for dogs to help treat PTSD symptoms is relatively new. Sadly the general publics understand is limited. Thus the problem it creates for those who have PTSD service dogs. While the misconception in the difference between therapy dogs and service dogs plagues our society. Many people who have therapy dogs contaminate the ideals of service dogs by misusing the terminology. Therapy dogs that provide a comfort to the owner while great doesn’t actually provide a medical purpose. Everyone can use a little extra comfort, but that doesn’t mean the dog has the same rights as a service dog. The issue isn’t the dog, the issue is the lack of knowledge about mental illness. Recently I was told people often see someone out in public and when they don’t look like they have a physical disability it’s assumed they don’t have a disability. The assumption that all disabilities are physical is a stigma in our world that must change. While there can be many uses for a service dog from diabetes, to seizures, to panic/anxiety attacks. All of these are very real and having a service dog can save their life.

The moral of the story is don’t be so quick to judge others. Stay within your lane and just because you don’t understand a situation doesn’t mean you need to. Just because you can’t see something wrong with someone doesn’t mean there isn’t. Don’t judge others and make sure before you jump to a snap decision you just don’t. Always have patience and respect for others around you. You can’t always see or measure a person’s pain because it’s not physical. While there are plenty of people who abuse the laws regarding service animals the same can be said about a great deal of other laws, i.e. social welfare services, social disability, insurance fraud, and many other ways people get around the system. Just because people abuse a system doesn’t mean it isn’t necessary. We must have faith that the greater good is being served. Education is the key, and we need to understand that things aren’t always as simple as they seem to be.

As for me, my service dog Riley is my closest friend. She goes with me everywhere I can manage to take her. She’s always with me and helps in ways people could never know or understand. Once more unto the breach. The fight for the rights regarding service dogs is continuing on. Dealing with the backlash of what people don’t understand is a daily constant when the wounds can’t be seen.

We never know what the future holds but what we know is we can only make decisions based on what we know when the time comes. The due diligence is on us to make sure we have as many facts as possible before coming to a decision. Snap decisions, or decisions without all the info can have major backlash. Pushing a viewpoint without expanding what we may know could have dire repercussions. Make sure we get the facts, it’s at the very least the right thing to do. James 1:19-20 “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” Even when people make poor or snap judgments about you, always try to maintain a reasonable and rational response. Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

 

I SIT ALONE

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I SIT ALONE

I sit alone, so alone, the pain inside aches and pains that make taking a breath sometimes the most difficult thing I do. I never know what my tomorrow brings because everything I had and everything I knew was pulled away, ripped from me in the most violent way. No pain so emotional has ever hurt so bad, has ever crippled me, but this pain brought me to my knees.

Why I cried out, why me, why again? The past has a hold of me and I just can’t quite let it go. Is it the thought of loosing the woman I loved, or is it being alone? Is it that it didn’t happen once but twice? I don’t truly know what the answer is for myself.

I have done everything I can with what I’ve have at my disposal. The experts say there are a few things that have to happen to allow healing to happen naturally, and in a healthy way. Since then, I haven’t yet found my footing on my path to a new me. A new me, I don’t even know what that truly means. As I’ve struggled to look within to find the man I want to be I haven’t been able to figure that out because I don’t know who I am anymore. The last year of my life has put into question every notion I had about the world and my place in it. I haven’t been able to make headway in moving forward with my life and perhaps that’s the reason I feel like I’m moving in slow motion, I feel like I’m not just moving in slow mo, but I in quicksand. The realistic point of view is things just haven’t worked out yet. The man I am to become is still a work in progress.

While I truly don’t know what my future holds, or what I’m supposed to do, or the life I’m to live, I have to believe that God has a plan for me. A plan to succeed not to fail, not to fall. When someone you love hurts you in that way it can make you question everything about yourself. The darkness can be overwhelming but at some point you must learn to let it go. We must let ourselves heal, and to do that we must tell ourselves we are worth more then our failures. We are worth more then the sum of those who have hurt and abandoned us. We are worth more then the way we have been treated. We can be treated like garbage and thrown away like a beat up used toy. While divorce can cause a whole hurricane of negative feelings, all sorts of traumas happen to people that can cause all sorts of problems. And while I’ve spent a lifetime fighting the fight, I know that sometimes we just need to rest.

We can’t be angry all the time. At some point we have to let go of what fuels our fire and allow the healing to begin. No matter the time that goes by, the ability to start healing, to start letting go is always a possibility. While the pain, the loneliness, the hopelessness, the guilt and fear rage on in our heads like a CD stuck on repeat, we must somehow learn to break the cycle. We all need someone to help us bare that cross when it’s too heavy. We all need someone in our lives to help us along the way.

While I sit alone I wonder where I go from here. While I sit alone I question my place in this world. While I sit alone I miss so much in life. While I sit alone I miss the comforts of companionship. It’s almost like a drug, you have it for so long and it’s gone all of a sudden, gone in the blink of an eye. How could someone you care for, care for you, and betray you like the years prior didn’t matter at all. The truth is, the answers as much as I’ve wanted them done matter. The why isn’t going to change the past, and no matter how hard we may want to, the inevitable realization, life still continues. While I may be alone in my walk without someone, I know that God, my God is with me always. While I can only see a small baby step ahead of me, the future is still left wide open. God will help guide me on my way, and one can only hope that when the time is right, I won’t be alone anymore. That I may be gifted with the family I’ve tried so hard for, only to have them ripped away from me. I’ve never in my life been more disappointed by my loved ones, and as this lesson has been a difficult one to learn, I have learned that even those in our lives we look up too, even then, they can turn out to be someone completely different, someone we don’t recognize. While people come and go out of our life for better or worse we must learn that as there’s a season for everything and we must learn to accept that. If someone value’s you, you will be a priority to them, and if you have someone important to you, you can’t take that for granted. I’ve been close to death a few times and if I’ve learned anything in all that time it’s life is short, and we must value the gift of time we have, and cherish the people you love. We never know when that time may run out.

Stop Living In The Past

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Stop Living In The Past

I was recently talking to one of my very best friends and in the process I made note how much the month of September scared me, and for obvious reasons she understood. While I am absolutely terrified that something bad will happen this month, I have a hard time separating fear from reality. As each and every day is a new struggle coupled with a new attack, we must always be alert, and always learning new ways to defend against the attacks in the dark.

In our world no matter what time period you live in there’s always a war being waged. “There’s battle lines being drawn, nobodies right if every bodies wrong.” (Buffalo Springfield) As we move through life we are always running, running away from something, running away from someone, we are running to someone or something. The idea that we are running from something is a universal constant. Me in my life I’ve always run from my pain. I’ve always tried to hide it, to bury it, and keep it locked up so no one could ever see it, especially myself. I’ve found it difficult to move forward from my most recent trauma. I’ve known people that struggled to move past the death of a close loved one and I’ve seen as it’s taken it’s toll on relationships. I’ve seen people stay stuck on old relationships and even marriages that have ended badly, for a long time and sometimes several years.

If we are going to figure out a way to face this problem head on, we must go to scripture. Philippians 3:13-14 “13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” We know that there’s always a time for everything.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

2 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.”

 

While in every situation there’s a time for everything in life, we must not get stuck in a loop of any stage. We must grieve when we need to, and move forward. We must learn what season we are in verses the season we should be in. Obviously in life it’s never that simple. There can be many things that stunt or prevent us from being able to move to the next season, but as a Christian we must always try and overcome those obstacles.

Don’t let the Devil trick you in believing you can’t do something. Don’t let the Devil trick you to think you aren’t worth anything. After my wife left me, I felt like I was worthless and no one loved me. I felt like I deserved my fate. I didn’t think anyone would ever love me again. When I survived a horrible attack on my team in Iraq and I watched as my friends died, the gut feeling I had just 15 minutes prior left me with survivors guilt. I’ve spent the better part of the last year fighting every day to grow and face my fears. I’ve struggled day in and day out with feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. Within those feelings is the war between good and evil. The literal war being waged inside is a struggle some people face every day. God is King of Kings, and over the entire world we see and don’t see. When our life is ripped away and we feel as if nothing good remains the nature of the flesh is hard to overcome and face the darkness inside. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “ For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. 5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ” The war being waged inside we must understand that in a war there are casualties. Sometimes they are casualties seduced by the dark side and sometimes they are innocent people.

I’ve seen men who claimed to be men of God fall to the darkness. I’ve seen men I looked up to forsake me and make decisions that were a direct contradiction to scripture. For years I was told your witness to others was incredibly important as a Christian man. We must always conduct ourselves in a way that is pleasing to God, but also uphold ourselves according to the word. When we choose to support wrong doing over the wronged, or when we allow ourselves to let fear and anger dictate our actions in why we do something, we can easily make wrong decisions. When we abandon those in need, people we claim to care about we see what kind of person really is. It’s easy to praise God when things are great, and when we are dying we often pray to God to save us, but when about when things are just bad. Do we praise God, or do we curse his name? When things go bad and we walk away from someone who’s having a legitimate hard time, abandon them when they need family the most, how does your witness stand up then? The truth is, we all make mistakes, but once a mistake is made true Christians will attempt to right the wrong. We learn as Christians we cannot place our faith in people because beyond a doubt they will forsake you, they will turn on you, they will walk away from you. Mankind is fallen and we can and should only expect so much from others. We can hope for the best, but in accordance to scripture be prepared for them to let you down at some point. Sometimes people will leave you, walk out of your life and never return. People are full of worldly desires, and often make bad choices instead of returning to scripture and thinking about what the word says before moving forward. If you want to overcome this within yourself, you must constantly turn to scripture to help you through the toughest times you will face.

While in my own life I have lost people, and I’ve had people turn their backs on me, I’ve had people walk away, I’ve had those whom I loved betray me and my trust, the truth is, as much as it hurts, how surprised should I have truly been? When you loose father figures, spouses, or other loved ones it’s hard to create a reason to justify why someone did what they did. As Christians we can’t allow ourselves to stay in the past. We must learn to walk away from the negativity of the past and live in the present. Just like the ways of the Jedi we must learn to live in the present. “A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away… to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph! Adventure. Heh! Excitement. Heh! A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless!” (Empire Strikes Back, Yoda) Not saying of course we can’t enjoy life, and have love, we must learn to live in the now and not the past, and the future. While the past is where we are most negative, we look to the future with hope and optimism most of the time. We don’t look to the future with a negative perspective most of the time. We have grand plans, and we see the future we want, one full of rainbows and lollipops. In all actuality the future will have hardships and disappointment. We must learn to plan for the future and make sure we put our hands in the dirt, and boots on the ground. While we prepare for the future we must live in the moment. We cannot dwell on the past, instead study it, learn from it and use it to make better decisions in the future. In our daily walk with Christ we should always take a moment to think about scripture to see if our choices match up with the teachings of Jesus Christ. If you are a roll model to someone, a Christian roll model, it’s especially important to make sure that we are leading by example.

It can be difficult facing a life where people have left you, abandoned you, disappointed you, but we must always remember that the King of Kings is still sitting on the throne still in command of the forces of light in this world. Don’t fall prey to the darkness, don’t allow it to destroy your hope, or the light inside you. The draw of the dark side is strong, but we must learn to stop ourselves from succumbing to that feeling, and allow the light to snuff out the darkness. Even the slightest bit of light can keep the darkness at bay. We must learn to harness that goodness inside, allow the Love and Grace of Jesus Christ to fill our very souls and treat others with respect and love. No matter how much someone hurts you by their actions we must be able to forgive and accept that the nature of being human is to make mistakes. The nature of being Christian is to forgive and be there to love and help on a path towards Jesus. As a Christian when you make a mistake you should do everything in your power to make it better, to right the wrongs you’ve committed. Never allow pride or guilt to be the driving force in your decisions. Be a guiding light for someone, and live your life as a good witness towards others.

 

 

 

 

I live this life

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I live this life

I walked down the street just to see where my feet would take me. The darkness surrounded the alleys and the fog rose from the ground with an unstoppable force, and before you could blink the world was a damp gray in which you couldn’t see yourself. We walk our lives in a fog sometimes. We walk because we must, we breathe because of necessity. We all have cravings and some understand the nature of them, while others do not.

When we run, what are we running to or from? The life I’ve lived has been one of hardships, of pain, of suffering, of loss, but also of great joy. I’ve had the privilege of being married to two wonderful women. God gave me both to live my life with. The ending of both marriages has been described as awful and disappointing, but the truth is, as much as God hates divorce, we cannot control the path of other people. God gave me those lovely women for something in my life, and now it’s about time I stiffen my upper lip, and move forward. I look back and I see the mistakes written on the walls. I look to the future and like the street I walk it’s full of fog and darkness. I don’t know where I’m going because I cannot see. I feel around the dark blindly. I can feel the walls around me, I can feel the texture, and I can feel what my gut is telling me, but as I move forward my past although defines me, it has shaped me in the clay, and I now move forward every day to show myself what I am capable of. I wondered the wilderness for a year now the air feels crisper. The change of the hills, the trees, the air, and the wind shows me that my scars and my story are far from finished. As I walk through life I know that Jesus is still with me. A scream in the dark and followed by an answer, a journey not yet done, but a broken man who Jesus has wrapped in the healing love of the Lord and although the wounds start to heal, the scars are left behind to remind us of the hell we’ve battled through.

As I look to my future I know, I now understand that I’m not alone. Your love my God has seen me through. Your love my God has protected me from the darkness that’s surrounded me for so long. The fear of tomorrow and what pitfalls may be lurking in the terrifying darkness, are subdued by your love. Jesus my savior has promised to never leave me, and no matter what I endure for the cross on this Earthly plain will be rewarded in the next life. You know my heart, my effort, you know the price I’ve paid, and my Love for the cross, my heart that has fluttered yes, but remained true, will one day be rewarded with piece. My God is hope we all must need. When the fog of war surrounds us and we just cannot see, call to the God above and let the Angels, the Warriors of the Heavens come down with sword in hand and battle the very demons that threaten us. “Tonight I’m gonna fix my eyes, on the only hope that satisfies, my heart.” (The One I’m Running To, 7eventh Time Down) As my hope and my life has stretched me to the max, and when I’ve felt as if I’ve reached my breaking point, God is still with me no matter what battle I face. When we reach for an understanding to what we just can’t grasp, the answer is always the same. Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father died for our sins, giving up eternal hope, overcoming death itself. To believe in Christ is to live a life where there is no more sorrow, and no more pain. What’s a life worth that we can say when this life ends we can live again?

As one song reminds me:

Where my heart will take me, Russell Watson

 It’s been a long road
Getting from there to here
It’s been a long time
But my time is finally near
And I can feel the change in the wind right now
Nothing’s in my way
And they’re not gonna hold me down no more
No, they’re not gonna hold me down

‘Cause I’ve got faith of the heart
I’m going where my heart will take me
I’ve got faith to believe
I can do anything
I’ve got strength of the soul
And no one’s gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I’ve got faith
I’ve got faith, faith of the heart

We must allow God to continue to give us hope, that no matter how long our road may seem, how dark it is, or how much pain we endure along the way, believe that faith in Abba, that we can’t be broken, because we know who’s in our corner. Have faith in your heart in the one King, the maker of all. Have faith that one day the fog will lift, the sun will rise, and a new day dawns.

 

No Guts No Glory

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No Guts No Glory

Without risk there is no reward. Without storms there is no rainbow. Without winter there is no spring. Without the ability to scorch the fire there is no forging of steel. In order to build muscle you must work out, that process isn’t easy, it can be time consuming and painful. What about love? How do we move forward when we suffer that kind of loss of our spouse or family? In our lives we will loose people. It’s not a question of if, but when. Recently I was watching an episode of The Flash and I heard this quote, “You can either embrace the change and move forward, or fight it and get left behind” (The Flash) As much as change can be hard and even devastating at times, we must either embrace the fire, or allow it to consume us. When we suffer a loss of a job or a loss of a loved one, when plans change and we get hurt, we can only put one step in front of the other and allow the natural order to prevail. “Part of being human is learning how to deal with the unexpected… to risk new experiences, even when they don’t fit into your preconceptions.” (Geordi La Forge)

 When we try to understand the world, we must first understand and come to grips that the world is a much larger place we could ever know. We must understand that God is big and we are small. We must understand that the world is far greater in both directions we could ever see. When we look at our world, when we figure out life and that nothing happens without action. We cannot just sit by and pray things get better. We must learn to put boots on the ground. Ecclesiastes 11:4-6 “He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap. As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.” We must learn to get our hands dirty. The plants will not grow with just prayer alone, we must dig, and sow. Prayer that the roots take, and that water comes from the heavens. When I was in Iraq I often prayed that we would find the guy we were looking for, that being said we had to be the ones out looking. We need to take this into our lives. Ecclesiastes 9:7-14 “7 Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do.8 Let your garments be always white. Let not oil be lacking on your head. 9 Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain[a] life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. 10 Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might,[b] for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going. 11 Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all. 12 For man does not know his time. Like fish that are taken in an evil net, and like birds that are caught in a snare, so the children of man are snared at an evil time, when it suddenly falls upon them.” We must learn to take what we have in our lives and appreciate it. How often do we take for granted what we have? The grass isn’t greener on the other side. We saw what happened when the Devil tempted Eve to see what the grass was like on the other side only to find themselves removed from Eden.

The world we know has evils in it and we must watch for the snares that can trap us and prevent us from moving forward. Those snares may wound us and try to utterly destroy us, but when we are watching the world around us, and if we are paying attention, the traps might be revealed as more obvious. When the end comes for us all we will look back on our life and we will go over every good and bad decision we’ve ever made. When we get to the point of our own death it’s too late to consider our actions. We must try to better ourselves and work towards an end to every situation that would be pleasing to God. We won’t always succeed, and we will falter and make mistakes, but being a good Christian means owning up to them, and trying to make them right. It takes guts to stand up in front of others in the wake of our failings and admit to being wrong or falling short. To right our wrongs takes action, the true act of repentance. We must learn to embrace the now in order to ready ourselves for tomorrow. Just because tomorrow may not fit with what we want, or what we think we should have. Don’t allow our preconceived ideals blind us from reality. Sometimes people are mean and cruel, and sometimes they hurt us. It doesn’t always feel like a blessing, but in the end, it might turn out that way. Have patience to deal with the knocks and make sure your hands get dirty, and make sure your boots are on the ground, but never forget to pray. Praying is still always the best course.

Remember to always weigh your possibilities, and if the ends justify the means and they fall within biblical principles, anything worthwhile having is worth the effort to get there. If the juice is worth the squeeze then if you want the juice, start squeezing.

Loss

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Loss

The losses I’ve seen have been immeasurable. The battle always wages on inside us. The sights and sounds of the war still rage on. You close your eyes and the weapons flash, the sounds of explosions and the feel of the blast vibrate through your chest. The sights of burnt pieces of metal, a whole so deep in the ground you picture men placing the objects of death in the hole dug. No matter how hard you try the faces never leave you. The smells invade the memory and create a feeling of nausea you just can’t fight. The heart pumping quickly ever memory of explosions along with the fear from the RPG’s flying over head, the bullets ricocheting off the driver door, the, and the weight of the wheel when you can barely fight the truck your driving. The dead haunt me, and the living spites me.

The air is warm, and the sun shines down to the world below. The feeling of the pistol the handgrips textured, the trigger smooth and light. The black smooth slide almost reflective the last things seen before the flash. The blood pools and drains down the shirt. The air sucked from the lungs as the world turns black. To see the blackness of nothing, a voice slips between the lips. ‘God I’m sorry.’ As the thunder struck, the voice shook the world, ‘You’re forgiven.’ Waking in pain so bad death would be a release. The weight of the world now crushing down, the future bleak and dark, but is that a light at the end of the tunnel?

A divorce rips apart a life. The feeling of betrayal, the aching of emotions feels physical. The lowness of the barrel, only to be repeated twice, twice the pain, and no the second time wasn’t easier. Loosing loves twice by way of affairs hurts down into the pit of your stomach like nothing I ever felt. But sad to say this wasn’t the only pain I would feel.

Growing up, I experienced a couple traumatic events, I won’t go into detail now. Just know that the pain felt as a child was confusing, and difficult. The only truth was God was always there watching over me, helping me through it, even if God was the farthest thing from my mind at the time. The struggles of an 11 year old trying to understand the cruelty of the world is difficult, and harsh. Why would a loving God allow such pain and suffering upon the innocents of a child?

Between watching loved ones die, loosing family, loosing friends, being close to death myself, the truth remains that in the vastness of loss and heartache the Lord is still on the throne. Every situation both good and bad that forces us down a path, we must remember to thank God for everything we have no matter what it is. God is not evil, and God doesn’t bring hardships unless we need the lessons. No matter the cost we must endure the hardships in front of us. Our lives can be the ice storm, or the thaw after, if we focus on the right path.

Being displaced, and having everything ripped away, everything one would hold most dear in life is something no one should have to endure, especially twice. While we all will face grief and suffering the difference is the sheer number of events, and the intensity of each one. While the truth is plain no matter who we are pain and suffering are bound to happen. We were promised pain, and suffering, trials, and we were promised the thorns and thistles, but in all of that we were also promised grace, peace, and love. Gods grace is sometimes all we have, and that grace in the wake of loss has to be enough, because if it’s not, we are left with no hope, and if we have no hope, life is lost.