Tag: Paul

Chronic

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Chronic

Chronic pain is something that afflicts so many people. What is chronic pain? As defined by the Clevland Clinic “Chronic pain is pain that lasts for over three months. The pain can be there all the time, or it may come and go. It can happen anywhere in your body. Chronic pain can interfere with your daily activities, such as working, having a social life and taking care of yourself or others. It can lead to depression, anxiety and trouble sleeping, which can make your pain worse. This response creates a cycle that’s difficult to break.” (professional, C. C. medical. (n.d.). Chronic pain: What is it, causes, symptoms & treatment. Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/4798-chronic-pain) Chronic pain is something according to the CDC “During 2021, an estimated 20.9% of U.S. adults (51.6 million persons) experienced chronic pain, and 6.9% (17.1 million persons) experienced high-impact chronic pain (i.e., chronic pain that results in substantial restriction to daily activities)” So what does this mean? What if you’re a veteran? According to the VA “1 in 5 Veterans report persistent pain • ~1 in 10 Veterans report severe persistent pain • ~1 in 3 Veterans have been diagnosed with a condition related to chronic pain” I’m a 40-year-old male combat veteran. I spent over a decade working in the security industry which is difficult on the body. I have a neck injury that now leaves me with severe chronic pain, and as it degrades, the pain worsens and makes life far more difficult. What does it say? It can lead to depression, anxiety, and trouble sleeping? On top of the PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) the depression is very real. I’m used to feeling pain before I go to bed, and the pain medication I have is vital to take before I go to bed. The hard part, is when I wake up in the morning with pain, and there’s a need to start my day with medication. Sadly, some days are worse when the pain is more severe from the moment I wake. There are days when the act of getting out of bed is extremely challenging. There are days when all I want to do is cry because the struggle to do anything is so strong. 

As I am nearing 40 years old in just a few days, I find myself struggling with recent diagnosis of my neck, and knowing there is nothing I can do to take the pain away, it’s disheartening. The surgery that was planned was canceled due to a counsel of surgeons deciding the original plan would fail, and a much more severe and extensive surgery would be needed. However, regardless of the necessity, my age prevents the desire to do the surgery now. While the meds do help a little, the medication has a negative side. What happens when you are on a narcotic medication for years? The biggest issue is when the medication creates a tolerance and becomes less effective. The physical pain is bad, but it’s nothing compared to the emotional toll it takes. The inability to do daily activities because of pain makes simple and basic tasks like housework, and yardwork nearly impossible some days. When you don’t want to do activities with your significant other, or friends, it makes you feel bad, and for me, ashamed. At the age of 40 and looking at a major neck fusion surgery, that will remove 100% of my mobility, I have not been sure of my place in this world. 

Because of my chronic issues, I had to retire early, but have not received social security. Not receiving social security has affected my income. As a disabled veteran I do get veterans benefits, but it is certainly not enough to take care of a family financially. As a man, and head of the household, I feel shame for not feeling like I am doing a good job providing for my family. How does a man determine value? 

I’m not trying to drum up sympathy, on the contrary, I want to spread awareness. I by no means have everything figured out on how to manage severe chronic pain. I have attended VA chronic pain management groups and therapies. I have attended recreational therapies, and while most of it has not taken away the pain, but, some of the techniques on how to manage have proven slightly affective. What does help with chronic pain? A strong faith foundation. 

Psalm 13:5-6

“5 But I have trusted in Your mercy;

My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.

6 I will sing to the Lord,

Because He has dealt bountifully with me.”

We may never know why there is so much suffering, except for knowing we live in a broken, fallen, sinful world. Suffering started the day Eve ate of the fruit, and Adam and Eve were exiled out of the garden. God told them they would face hardships, they would have to work hard, childbirth would be painful, and by the sweat of Adam’s brow he would till the earth. When we look at suffering in scripture, the book of Job is the height of this. After Job confronts God, and God replies in the most amazing and eloquent way, Job sees the truth. 

Job 42:1-6

Then Job answered the Lord and said:

2 “I know that You can do everything,

And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.

3 You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’

Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,

Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.

4 Listen, please, and let me speak;

You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’

5 “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear,

But now my eye sees You.

6 Therefore I abhor myself,

And repent in dust and ashes.”

Pain builds endurance. If we are faithful, our suffering should draw us near to God. This life is hard, and in it we will face an abundance of challenges. We will face hardships, and hurt. I do not necessarily believe when James talked of “whenever you face trials of many kinds,” he was referring to chronic pain. While I’m not sure he was referring to this particular trial, I will say, the lesson remains true. “3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4) Facing these hardships is not easy, and I find myself having difficulty in navigating life recently. I struggle with the day-to-day routine, as I am always in pain. I do not know why God has seen fit for me to go through this, but I know he has a reason. I have come to understand, we do not need to know the why, just know and understand God is sovereign, and no matter where we find ourselves, we need to know and believe God has a purpose. Assuming we did not put ourselves in the negative situation. I have often looked back and wondered if there was something I could have done differently to change things today. Should I have fought the VA for treatment and care for my neck from the beginning, instead of rolling over and taking the denial of responsibility. I didn’t fight for myself, and knowing there was a problem with my neck when I got out of the Army, my lack of treatment led to where I am today. It’s hard not to be angry about it, but knowing that anger won’t change anything, I have worked on letting it go. 

This life is short compared to eternity. For some people this life is full of more hardships, and letdowns, and heartache then others. Some people even Christians have an easier go of it than others. While everyone struggles, that struggle needs to build your endurance and faithfulness towards Jesus the Christ. We will never understand God’s plan this side of Glory. We will never see the fullness of the picture in which God sees. We will also never know the things God saved us from in this life. The ten second delay leaving the house saved us from a large car pileup. A delay in surgery kept us from dying on the table from a massive stroke. Paul says in scripture he prayed for God to remove a thorn in his side. We do not know what this was. Was it a physical ailment, this could very well be true from all the beatings, stoning, shipwreck, etc. Paul experienced. Without proper medical care, Paul may have developed significant physical pains. Was this a person or problem nonphysical, this too is a possibility. We don’t know. What we do know is Paul prayed, and God’s answer was no. He did not take it from him. 

2 Corinthians 12:7 “7 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure.”

While this could be a physical ailment, it could also be a person. We do not know, but no matter what it is, the takeaway is the same. Paul’s prayer went unanswered, and he was told that God’s grace is sufficient. 

Isaiah 48:10

Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver;

I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.

Do we believe in our heart of hearts, that God’s grace is sufficient, no matter what our affliction is? Do we trust that God’s plan is perfect and he is sovereign? I am in no way saying dealing with these things is easy, obviously it was not easy for Paul since he pleaded with God three times. We are being forged into something more, and that process is violent. In order to be forged into something battle worthy, something strong enough to endure the test of combat, we must undergo the extreme heat, and the pounding of steel on steel, to mold us into a weapon. God’s grace is sufficient, but he never leaves us defenseless. He has given to us His Armor, the Armor of God, made up on his attributes, we clothe ourselves with. We are given the sword, the shield, the breastplate, the helmet, the sandals, and the buckler. We do not battle alone, for God is with us. We face the challenges of this world, and no matter what we face, how we respond to it matters. How we respond to stimuli matters. We are to respond in all ways as God responds. We are to respond in a way that when we are judged by God, we are told ‘well done my good and faithful servant.’ The last thing any believer wants is to let down God the Almighty creator of Heaven and Earth, and everything in it. 

No one wants to be in pain every day. No one wants to have cancer, or experience loss. No one wants to feel like an outsider and feel like they are not welcomed. It’s hard when you feel these things. Growing up I was often an outsider wherever I found myself. My personality was always a bit different. My opinions of life were different, set apart. Today is no different. In recent months I have felt like an outsider, even unwelcomed in places I never thought I would feel I didn’t belong. Few people in my life know what it’s like to have this level of pain on a daily basis. Few people understand how bad it feels not to be well enough to work to bring home enough money to take care of your family. I say this in all sincerity, ‘show me all your scars, and I’ll show you the cross.’ Show you the Cross: Matty Mullins. Years ago, I found myself in the worst storm of my life, and I felt like I was on the worst sea, inflicted by a hurricane, and all my sails were broken. It was when I thought all hope was lost, Jesus showed up. Jesus was there with me, guiding me through the storm. Jesus showed me the light, and while it didn’t happen overnight, I found my peace in Jesus. I was in a war, and Jesus reminded me, he already won the battle. Jesus reminded me I was his, and nothing Satan could do would pluck me from his hands. Today, I feel like my wheels are spinning and I’m stuck in quicksand. I feel powerless to change anything in my life, and the hard truth is, maybe I’m not supposed too. Jesus is in control, and the hardest thing we can do when nothing is going right, let go, and let God. 

Sufficient Is Gods Grace

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Sufficient Is Gods Grace

Today I wake and sore is my body. The work of the day prior has left muscles aching, the rice Krispie’s snap in my body as things crackle and pop. The pain is real but as I slowly get out of bed, I begin to ponder and be mindful of my body. I consider the life of Paul, and I consider his aches and pains in his life. When he was a young man he was adorned in the highest quality clothing, he ate the highest quality of foods, but how quickly that changed for him. 

Acts 22:20 “And when the blood of Your martyr Stephen was shed, I also was standing by consenting to his death, and guarding the clothes of those who were killing him.’

For what it was worth, Saul had a life of peace, and wealth. He would have access to the best doctors and healthcare of the time. It would seem to me that he would have had a nice house, and all the creature comforts money could buy. How quickly that changed for him. 

Acts 9:19-22 (ESV) For some days he was with the disciples at Damascus. 20 And immediately he proclaimed Jesus in the synagogues, saying, “He is the Son of God.” 21 And all who heard him were amazed and said, “Is not this the man who made havoc in Jerusalem of those who called upon this name? And has he not come here for this purpose, to bring them bound before the chief priests?” 22 But Saul increased all the more in strength, and confounded the Jews who lived in Damascus by proving that Jesus was the Christ.

We see Saul, converted to Paul, speaking to the Jews, and not only doing a good job, but was proving to them that Jesus was the Christ. His discomfort in life started right away after his conversion. He was once a beloved Jewish leader, and how quickly he went from loved, to having a bounty put on his head, as in verse 23 is says the Jews plotted to kill him. Now Paul manages to escape this death plot, but only a short time later Paul in Acts 14:19-23 shows he would not be able to run forever, and he would indeed be stoned. An event that would kill most people. This would have left his body, bruised, battered, likely bleeding, if not broken. Next we see Paul placed in prison in 16:16-24. This would have likely led to Paul being beaten not only in Prison, but during that section of scripture we see they are dragged, and likely here, beaten also. 

Acts 18:8 Paul is again attacked and brought to a tribunal. After being attacked by the crowd Paul would be released. 

Acts 21:27- Paul is imprisoned again, brought before the tribunal, and offers his testimony. Yet another plot to kill him is born in Acts 23. Paul is still imprisoned making his plea to take his case before Cesar, but in the mean time he is kept in bondage. While on his way, he is shipwrecked on Malta. While on the island he is bitten by a viper that by all means should have killed him. 

Paul is imprisoned several times, stoned, beaten, bitten by a viper, ship wrecked, and I can only assume his body hurt. I can only picture the beatings, and the whippings he received. During his time it wasn’t like there was Acetaminophen, or Ibuprofen to help the pain. Infections, and poorly healed bones were very common in those days. Even with the pain, and the trials, and the suffering God had promised, Paul remained steadfast in his beliefs. Paul gave up his comfortable life for what he knew to be the truth. In 2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

God’s grace is sufficient. What are we looking for in life? Are we looking for the nice house, the fast car, the money, or women? Are we looking for power, and fame? Are you hurt in some way and in that pain you cry foul? Do you think your infirmities are unfair? I have often looked to soldiers whos lives were changed during the war. I look to see them missing a leg, or an arm, or worse. I have seen people with mental disorders, autism, cerebral palsy, or other. I look around the world and see the suffering of people every day. Our sinful worldly mind says “that’s not fair.” As Severous Snape would say to Harry Potter, “Life isn’t fair.” Now you may find this surprising but the term fair in the Bible never refers to fair as in equitable, but rather fair as in beautiful. If we were to get what’s fair, meaning equitable we would be doomed to face the fate of death forever. Romans 6:23 ESV “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” 

Paul knew this, and even though he suffered, as we see in James 1:2-3 ESV 2 Count it all joy, my brothers,when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” Paul and the others knew suffering in the name of the Lord was an accepted reality. They did not cry that it was unfair, but rather, if anything was unfair, it would have been the need for Jesus to die because of my filthy sins. We do not get in this life what is equitable, or fair, but instead we are saved by grace, through faith, in Jesus Christ alone. IF we got what was fair we would all burn in the lake of fire for all eternity. Is physical pains and aches, fair? Sure it is, because we live in the world of sin, and nothing we face would be as bad as Job, or Jesus. WE see in scripture everything Job went through, and never blames God for it, but remains faithful. We stub our toe on the bed and blame God for putting the bed in our life. We get hurt in relationships and like Adam, “the woman YOU gave me, forced me to do it.” We blame God. We have such short and ungrateful memories that if we’d truly get what we deserve we’d get swallowed up by the Earth and forgotten to the sands of time. 

I’m not saying being in pain is fun, both physical or emotional, but I am saying it’s a part of this life. Can you be in hope that in Heaven there is no more pain, no more suffering? If you are looking towards Heaven and think how wonderful it would be, make sure you know that Jesus will be there. Make sure the Heaven you want is the one with Jesus because if not, the heaven you think you will get too will not be anything you were expecting. The one and only way to Heaven is to know Jesus Christ. The realize you are a wretched sinner, dead in your sins, and we are nothing without Christ. That Christ died on the Cross as an atonement for our sins, and took our place. He rose on the 3rd day fulfilling prophecy, and comes to Judge the living and the dead. Jesus bore our sins, so we wouldn’t get what was coming to us. Jesus who knew no sin, who was perfect in the full sense of the word, took on God’s righteous wrath to punish sinners, and in his death and resurrection, we see that His grace is truly sufficient for us. Our life here in this world is a hard one, but nothing compared to what Jesus bore for us. Our life here is but a vapor, and for those who truly know Christ, will pass through this world, that is not our own, that we are born again, and given citizenship of Heaven, a place of perfection, with no pain, or suffering. A place, where with Jesus we will experience endless Joy. So, is the pain you feel worth it, for just a little while? Does it mold you and guide you to Christ, and to live a more sanctified life? If I suffer in pain for 40 years, it’s a small price to pay to even remotely suffer in this life as Christ did. Paul suffered for the Lord, and did so with a glad heart. Most of us, even those who have seen combat and divorce, and physical and emotional struggles, most of us wouldn’t know true suffering if it bit us on the rear. Go through this life without complaint, without murmuring, and as James said, count it all joy to suffer for Christ. 

How Long Will You Wait?

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How Long Will You Wait?

I hear it all the time; “I have to work on some things before I can go to church.” I hear so many excuses for so many different areas of life, and while of course some are legitimate others are not. At some point we must launch. We cannot sit on the launch pad forever. While there may be delays in the launch, we need to be ready when the weather clears and we are a go for launch. We cannot continue to shelve problems, or kick the can down the road to deal with later.

Do we move with intent towards God every day? Do we push ourselves to move beyond our lazy nature, or do we become stagnant swamp water? When I think of moving forward with Christ I think of the Apostle Paul. The fight he faced for so long in his life was beyond what most of us would ever face. If we were faced with that kind of opposition would we pick up our ball and go home? Would we keep our faith, or would we go back to our old ways of life? When you live in Christ your spirit is constantly refilled in the Holy Spirit.2 Timothy 4:6 (NKJV)“For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure is at hand.”Paul knew his time was at hand to depart this world, and he knew that his work was good work. The thing about Paul was he wasn’t afraid to die. You cannot truly face life, and face challenges if you are afraid to fail, or die. Paul knew he would suffer in the name of the Lord, and he was prepared because he knew God’s grace was sufficient for him. 

When we consider the challenges in our life, would we be willing to die for Christ? There are hills to die on and there are fights that aren’t worth the effort. Christ is the hill to die on. Christ is the only hill we face that we need to ever truly worry about. So many of us live for this world. So many people live to make money, or seek fame. So many people live for trinkets or other things that keep them tethered to this world, but we are called to cleave to Christ and sever the desires of this world. 2 Timothy 4:9 (NKJV) “Be diligent to come to me quickly; 10 for Demas has forsaken me, having loved this present world, and has departed for Thessalonica—Crescens for Galatia, Titus for Dalmatia.”Will we abandon those we are called to serve along side, or will we remain faithful and vigilant like Luke? Will we fight when the fight comes to our door or will we cower in fear? Will you stand on the truth and preach that truth, or will you forgo doctrine for the pleasing of others? 2 Timothy 4:3 (NKJV)“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers;”It is not easy to stand against the pressures of the world, but we must remember what’s at stake. Jesus came to us on a rescue mission. Jesus deployed from Heaven to come and rescue us from the hostage situation we were in. We were being held in bondage by sin, and that sin was never going to negotiate. Jesus came to save us, and give us a change at forever. God gives us a spirit of strength not fear. 

In order for us to truly launch we must understand that nothing we face in this world is by chance. We make choices that send us on a path. We face our own repercussions. God corrects our actions as needed. We face preparation, or face the sins of others. No matter where we find ourselves we are on a divine appointment. No matter if it’s at the store in the check out line, or rolling up on a rollover accident we are where we need to be when we need to be there. God wants you and the question is, are you available to answer the call? When the time comes how will you finish your journey? Will you finish it like Paul? 2 Timothy 4:7-8 (NKJV)“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing.”

When we prepare to take our last trip around the sun how will we answer to God? God gives us all talents and we have the opportunity to grow those talents, or squander them away. Christ gives us the opportunity to launch and we have the button for a go/no go for launch. Will you rise to the occasion or crash into the water? The choice is yours. Finish your journey strong and pleasing to the Lord.

The End Draws Near

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The End Draws Near

A little over a year ago I began taking my thoughts on scripture and suffering to Facebook. My intent was to add a little hope to my own life and to provide that same hope to anyone who may read it. Over a few months my posts created quite a lot of controversy, and sadly, I lost a few contacts in the process. Nevertheless, I continued with my work, writing, and going through the word to attempt to draw comfort to the suffering in the day. Eventually I found my way to WordPress with the help of a good friend. It was recommended that I move to the venue of blogging and from there and with the help of two of my close friends, the Arrow Preacher was born. In the year to follow I would post 434 in that time. In that time I would have nearly 10,000 views. I would have over 5000 visitors in the time my blog has been up and running.

When I started out I told myself I would work for a year posting every day if I could. With the exception of two days, I have been successful. While I never reached my goals within the blog numbers, I cannot consider success or failure based on those numbers. I must consider the lives that I have touched, and hope, and pray that in all this time I’ve had some small impact. At the end of my journey I find myself looking forward to my next one. While I don’t know what God has in store for me, I await with open arms.

My posts will continue, however the frequency will be drastically different. I will no longer be posting daily, instead I will be posting as inspiration hits. I feel in every journey a time comes when you need to rest, take a break and recharge, refocus on God. It’s easy to not see the forest through the trees. Sometimes I feel as if I’ve gotten lost in the day to day blog, and I have forgotten to actually use what I write in my own life. I know for me one of the biggest struggles I have is being content in my current situation. I feel as if I have forgotten what’s really important, and I’ve let my own desires get in the way of my trust in God. I’ve always realize I’m far from perfect, but my greatest character flaw has been my need, my desire to be around people. I loath being alone, and that feeling deepens my frustrations the longer I am on my own.

While I am not truly leaving, I find that this journey has drawn me closer to an understanding of Paul. The great hardships he faced, and even till the very end he found himself standing firm on his beliefs, and his faith. 2 Timothy 4:7 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” Paul wrote this to Timothy on the eve of his execution. Paul was relentless in his devotion to evangelize. Paul faced great hardships along his journey but never gave up the fight. As he endured great trials and tribulations along his journey, I see myself on a similar path. I am not even half the man he was, and I cannot say with any truth that I have lived a remarkable life. Unlike Paul I have fallen, and I have questioned my own place in this world. While I have faith in the Lord I stumble more then I’d like. This journey has been one of self-exploration, as an attempt to grow and to find myself in the Lord. As the road ends, I will journey into the unknown and find my own path. There’s plenty of life left to explore, and where ever the Lord takes me, I know this journey has prepared me for whatever lies ahead.

I don’t know where I am meant to be, but I will continue to travel along the path and seek for my place. I trust in the Lord and I will continue to do works for God as God blesses me to do so. I hope that my blog continues to grow, and continues to touch lives all around the world. I want to thank everyone for such wonderful support over the last year. I don’t know if I could have come this far without the love and support of my pastors Glen, and David. My friends Heather, who helped me to wordpress, and Niki for seeing me through my tough days. Glen my best friend and pastor who’s been my guiding rod keeping me on my path. There have been a smattering of others who’ve come and gone and had their place, but those 3 in particular have been regulars in my life. The ride isn’t over, but as one chapter closes, so begins a new. To quote Spock, “Live Long and Prosper”

 

The Reflecting Pool

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The Reflecting Pool

In our walk with Christ we should be seen as a Christian by what we say and do. Our actions for Christ should speak loudly as the kind of person we aught to be. When we look into the reflection pool we should see Christ looking back at us. Although the reflection of Christ in us will never be without its ripples, we can try to do the best we can. 1 Corinthians 13:12 “12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” As back in the days the New Testament was written, mirrors weren’t what we think of today. They were polished steel so the reflection was a poor distortion of truth. What Paul was saying in this passage was he is a reflection of Christ, but in no means perfect. Proverbs 27:19 ”As in water face reflects face, So the heart of man reflects man.” Our reflections of Christ will never be perfect, but it’s important to see when someone is going through the motions of Christ, or if they truly live it. As it states in Proverbs, you cannot judge a man by what you see on his face, you must see in their heart the true intentions.

If you are going to be a disciple of Christ, you must learn to show from the heart, and not just on the surface. ‘Don’t try to be a great man. Just be a man, and let history make its own judgments.” Zefram Cochrane It may sound like rhetorical nonsense, but the fact is, great men are often not truly seen for the good they’ve done till after they are gone. Live your life in Christ and try every day to be as close to His reflection as we can get.