Tag: loving yourself

How Can We Love If We Don’t Know What Love Is?

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How Can We Love If We Don’t Know What Love Is?

Have you ever been in love? Have you ever been so in love you’d lay down your very life to protect theirs? Love is a wonderful and a dangerous thing all at the same time. Love can cause us to do things of great beauty and it can also cause people to do crazy dangerous things that would be considered sinful. I was recently listening to a song by Michael Bolton called When A Man Loves A Woman and it talks about how far a man would go.

When A Man Loves A Woman By: Michael Bolton

When a man loves a woman

Can’t keep his mind on nothin’ else

He’d trade the world

For a good thing he’s found

If she is bad, he can’t see it

She can do no wrong

Turn his back on his best friend

If he puts her down

When a man loves a woman

Spend his very last dime

Trying to hold on to what he needs

He’d give up all his comforts

And sleep out in the rain

If she said that’s the way

It ought to be

Scripture goes into great lengths about what love is. I have lived this life and have seen true horrors. I have had many run ins with death and it has given me a perspective and a personal position you don’t see very often with most people. As I have come close to death many times I have grasped onto those in my life and I’ve held on tightly. I treasure my friends and I would feel a deep loss when one would decide to move on. I have watched as many friends have walked away, and worse, women I have loved. I have held on tightly and when it’s ended, I have often felt as if I’d lost a piece of myself. I grew up searching for love. I grew up hoping to find someone to love and want me in their life. I have often been the one left behind for one reason or another, but I am the one picking up the pieces of a broken heart. I have always thought I held love in my heart to the T of what we are taught love to be. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.”

What does all this mean? When we love one another we must let go of our pride, our need to be the center of attention. We must learn it’s not a feeling. Love is an emotional charge at first, but as it grows, it must become more. Love must be more then a feeling because if we base our life on only feelings we’d be in trouble. We would be making decisions without reason. Love however is something we do. Loving someone is an action we must participate in every day. Love is how we treat people every single day. When we truly break down every sentence in 1 Corinthians we must truly let that sink in. We must truly allow ourselves to realize that love isn’t about self. John 15:13“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” As a soldier I would have given my life for any one of my brothers or sisters in arms. As a husband I was willing to give my life for my wife, not once but twice. I always thought about their safety before my own. I’m not a perfect man, but I always wanted their happiness to be a priority for me. I was willing to give up my own pride, my own dreams, my own desires to satisfy the needs of the woman I loved. I knew what love was for me, and I have always maintained my position on love. I’ve been devastated by those whom I’ve loved most dear in this life, but I remain hopeful for the future that one day I might fight someone to love me that much.

In this life people will come and go, but we must learn how precious life is, and make the very best of the time we have. We must learn how to give our hearts to those we have in our life, and trust that even if people never reciprocate our feelings that God always will. People are fickle creatures and some will use you as long as there’s something in it for them, and if someone better is perceived to come along, they may leave. I will say that’s a lie straight from the pit of Hell, and if people are that willing to sacrifice life, sacrifice you in such a way, that’s not love. Love is meant to be stronger then anything, but when in the hands of people who sin, people who are selfish, love can be corrupted by the Devil.

I want to point out one part of the marriage relationship knowing it’s only half of the equation. Ephesians 5:25“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” In the last couple years I’ve seen marriage after marriage fall, and while it comes back to a fundamental failure in loving one another, I will say that we are in sad shape as a human race. We cannot expect anyone to respect us if we don’t respect ourselves. The failure is a widespread epidemic and it needs to be dealt with. As a man I want to touch base on a man’s roll in the relationship. Men, we need to stop focusing on ourselves and realize that we are both the provider, and the leader of our household. We are to lead our home by a position of strength and by example. We must realize that our place is to protect the home at all cost up to ones own life, and that doesn’t mean just from physical threats. Our place is to protect the home from spiritual warfare also. We must show our children how to treat others. We must show our children how to be men, or how men should treat a lady. We should show them how to be friends, show them how to be responsible, and how to live in Christ.

Something I learned a little while back was how damaging the lack of a fathers love could be for a child. As a father we are responsible for loving our wives and children and we are responsible for what they see in their youth. In 2 Samuel we see David have an affair as King. We see him take Bathsheba into his bedchambers knowing she was married to one of his most trusted advisors. We see her get pregnant and instead of coming forward with his sin he plots to make the baby look like Uriah’s. When that plan fails, David then plots to have Uriah murdered. And if plotting wasn’t bad enough, Uriah was moved into a position in the war, on a mission where he would surely die, and he did. David did all this and although we don’t see it in the narrative, we see the actions of David’s oldest child later on down the road. Yesterday I discussed Amnon and how he lusted after his half sister. This was a forbidden relationship by many different laws of the time. When she would not give him what he wanted willingly, he took it by force. In doing this he not only destroyed her life, but threw her out of his chambers with the markings of trash. Who would he have learned that kind of behavior from then his very own dad, the King. The sins of the father are seen reborn in the children.

Love is certainly not an easy thing to do all the time, but we must. Love is hard and takes constant effort, but when we love the way we should, we can see the change in our lives with how others perceive us. Love is the greatest thing we have and it’s in that love we receive grace from God when we never deserve it. It’s in that love we see the sacrifice made by Jesus for us on Calvary’s Cross. We can never do enough to earn our own way into Heaven, but it’s by the Love of God and the grace and ransom paid by God’s only Son Jesus Christ, that we see the true meaning of love. How do we live our lives? How do we treat those in our circle of influence? Do we love them, or do we treat them with a casual indifference?

We only get one chance in this world to make positive connections with people. Sure we may not get along with everyone we meet, but we are still obligated to show love and respect to one another. We must learn and have a solid understanding of what true love really is. If we are to have respect for the word we need to understand how we ought to behave. Love is not a word we should toss around lightly. It’s something that demands respect of the word and those whom we tell we love, demand respect for them. Don’t confuse love for lust, and don’t be swayed by the world idea that you can fall out of love. If it was real love, and it was taken care of like love should be, there should be no way to fall out of love. Divorce should not be as rampant as it is. If we would love the right way from the start many marriages would never happen to begin with, and people would find their true compatibility with a higher rate of success. Love is not a children’s recess word, it’s something special, something sacred, and we need to stop downplaying its true meaning. Love truly does concur all.

 

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Chasing Waterfalls

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Chasing Waterfalls

I have spent years looking for what was right in front of me, but sadly I couldn’t see the things I needed the most in my life. The first thing I needed to find was my own place in God’s love. The second was to realize how in a fleeting moment I would loose the women I had loved with my whole heart. Although I always felt like I gave her everything I possibly could, perhaps there was one more thing I could have given to her, my fear. I never once thought the day would come when she wouldn’t be standing by my side so I never felt the need to be jealous, or concerned with other guys. I consider now the two things in my life I needed the most and yet now after I lost so much, it feels like I may be too late. If I only had a chance to say my hearts desire and have them be heard could I change my fate? Tomorrow the sun will rise and I will have one of my failings be placed on the right path, but the other, I have a heavy heart. The women I loved is still gone because of my own inaction, my own failures as a leader of my household, and I must accept the responsibility of her leaving. While I have been told time and time again I am not at fault, she was happy, and then she wasn’t. I cannot stand idly by and think there was nothing I could have changed. Still, in the here and now, all I have is my hope for her, and wish her the very best on her own path. If I could tell her how much she means to me, and how much I love her, I would. I don’t know if those words would ever mean anything anymore, but perhaps one day they might. I have my path I must walk, and though it saddens me we won’t be walking this path together, I pray that maybe a miracle may happen and she finds her way back to me. Today I find myself thinking of the resurrection of Christ, which is coming. I think of the pain and suffering Christ endured for the sins of man, and yet he took the pain, took the punishment for all of us. He alone carried the burdens of Sin and freely gave his life to give everyone hope. We could only be so lucky to provide hope to someone else.

In the months after it happened, I found myself trying to move forward, trying to put my life back together but there was always something. I have wrestled with my place in this world and as I have found one of them, the other seems as elusive as a waterfall hidden in the deepest jungles. I have found peace with myself for the first time I can remember. I think it’s fitting that this weekend is about resurrection. I think it’s time for me to make some changes in my life. While I would like my life to go back to the way it was, I realize that can never happen. I’ve become a much better person now then I was back then. I have come to find my self worth and now find it’s a little easier managing being alone. I question what my future holds for me. I wonder if I’ll get my own home soon, find a new job, meet anyone special, and as I search for the answers to these questions, I remind myself to have faith, be patient, and above all, have faith in the plan that is beyond my understanding. Trusting in God isn’t always easy, but it’s something we all have to come to grips with at some point in our lives. Proverbs 3:5-6 “5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

I struggle with my own thorns, and in my struggle I lean upon the grace and mercy of the Lord. I cannot spend all my time chasing a waterfall I may never find. I must learn to let go of the things I cannot change and focus on the things I can. I cannot focus on the things I want and will never obtain. I find myself reciting the serenity prayer in my head often these days. I pray for my scenery to change and hope perhaps one day it shall. I cannot say what my future holds, but as for my past, maybe some things will never be as gone out of my life as they should be. Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” It’s time for me to stop chasing the waterfalls and to focus on what’s in front of me. It’s time I give myself the respect I deserve and stop allowing others to make me feel badly about myself. I have spent so long putting so much faith in people for my own personal validation of my own self worth that it’s no wonder I feel like garbage. If I spend my time with people who are selfish, leaches who are only in a friendship so long as they benefit, that’s on me to keep floating towards the edge of that waterfall. I have been washed down river more then once, swept over the cliff and yet I wonder why when it’s me all along. I cannot change others, but I can change my own part in it. I can stop playing so close to the edge. It’s up to me to stick closer to friendlier waters. No longer will I play in the waters edge. I cannot, I must not put myself through that any longer. God give me strength to walk away, strength to heal, to find peace.

Pushing Buttons

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Pushing Buttons

Do you ever push someone’s buttons just to see where it goes? Do you ever try to get under their skin because you can? Do you ever get them aroused because you can? What about someone you aren’t close to anymore. Do you try to hurt someone out of spite? When you love someone how does that love turn to contempt? What happens to someone to create so much anger or hatred or contempt?

Ephesians 4:22 “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;”

Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”

Anger breeds from sin. Anger can also come from your own dislike or hatred for yourself. Being miserable in your own life can cause you to lash out at others. James 1:20 “Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.”

 Proverbs 16:7 “When a man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.” No matter the buttons that are pressed or the anger that it may bring, conduct yourself with honor and a manner pleasing to God. Remember to love thy enemies, and take no vengeance for yourself. Romans 12:10 “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” Loving your enemies is possibly the hardest things you will ever do. Luke 6:27 “But I say to you people who are listening to me, love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you.” Matthew 5:44 “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

 No matter the pain inflicted, as much as we can love one another, forgive like Jesus asked to have us forgiven. As we did not deserve the forgiveness of our Father we received it just the same. Never give up on love, and never give up on those who hurt us. A lifetime is a long occasion, and through God all things are possible. People can change through Christ. Have faith, and pray. All our life will be accounted for and we must answer to the Lord for everything we do, every word spoken. Be right with God for we never know when the day of judgement will arrive.