Tag: Loving others

How Can We Love If We Don’t Know What Love Is?

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How Can We Love If We Don’t Know What Love Is?

Have you ever been in love? Have you ever been so in love you’d lay down your very life to protect theirs? Love is a wonderful and a dangerous thing all at the same time. Love can cause us to do things of great beauty and it can also cause people to do crazy dangerous things that would be considered sinful. I was recently listening to a song by Michael Bolton called When A Man Loves A Woman and it talks about how far a man would go.

When A Man Loves A Woman By: Michael Bolton

When a man loves a woman

Can’t keep his mind on nothin’ else

He’d trade the world

For a good thing he’s found

If she is bad, he can’t see it

She can do no wrong

Turn his back on his best friend

If he puts her down

When a man loves a woman

Spend his very last dime

Trying to hold on to what he needs

He’d give up all his comforts

And sleep out in the rain

If she said that’s the way

It ought to be

Scripture goes into great lengths about what love is. I have lived this life and have seen true horrors. I have had many run ins with death and it has given me a perspective and a personal position you don’t see very often with most people. As I have come close to death many times I have grasped onto those in my life and I’ve held on tightly. I treasure my friends and I would feel a deep loss when one would decide to move on. I have watched as many friends have walked away, and worse, women I have loved. I have held on tightly and when it’s ended, I have often felt as if I’d lost a piece of myself. I grew up searching for love. I grew up hoping to find someone to love and want me in their life. I have often been the one left behind for one reason or another, but I am the one picking up the pieces of a broken heart. I have always thought I held love in my heart to the T of what we are taught love to be. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.”

What does all this mean? When we love one another we must let go of our pride, our need to be the center of attention. We must learn it’s not a feeling. Love is an emotional charge at first, but as it grows, it must become more. Love must be more then a feeling because if we base our life on only feelings we’d be in trouble. We would be making decisions without reason. Love however is something we do. Loving someone is an action we must participate in every day. Love is how we treat people every single day. When we truly break down every sentence in 1 Corinthians we must truly let that sink in. We must truly allow ourselves to realize that love isn’t about self. John 15:13“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” As a soldier I would have given my life for any one of my brothers or sisters in arms. As a husband I was willing to give my life for my wife, not once but twice. I always thought about their safety before my own. I’m not a perfect man, but I always wanted their happiness to be a priority for me. I was willing to give up my own pride, my own dreams, my own desires to satisfy the needs of the woman I loved. I knew what love was for me, and I have always maintained my position on love. I’ve been devastated by those whom I’ve loved most dear in this life, but I remain hopeful for the future that one day I might fight someone to love me that much.

In this life people will come and go, but we must learn how precious life is, and make the very best of the time we have. We must learn how to give our hearts to those we have in our life, and trust that even if people never reciprocate our feelings that God always will. People are fickle creatures and some will use you as long as there’s something in it for them, and if someone better is perceived to come along, they may leave. I will say that’s a lie straight from the pit of Hell, and if people are that willing to sacrifice life, sacrifice you in such a way, that’s not love. Love is meant to be stronger then anything, but when in the hands of people who sin, people who are selfish, love can be corrupted by the Devil.

I want to point out one part of the marriage relationship knowing it’s only half of the equation. Ephesians 5:25“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” In the last couple years I’ve seen marriage after marriage fall, and while it comes back to a fundamental failure in loving one another, I will say that we are in sad shape as a human race. We cannot expect anyone to respect us if we don’t respect ourselves. The failure is a widespread epidemic and it needs to be dealt with. As a man I want to touch base on a man’s roll in the relationship. Men, we need to stop focusing on ourselves and realize that we are both the provider, and the leader of our household. We are to lead our home by a position of strength and by example. We must realize that our place is to protect the home at all cost up to ones own life, and that doesn’t mean just from physical threats. Our place is to protect the home from spiritual warfare also. We must show our children how to treat others. We must show our children how to be men, or how men should treat a lady. We should show them how to be friends, show them how to be responsible, and how to live in Christ.

Something I learned a little while back was how damaging the lack of a fathers love could be for a child. As a father we are responsible for loving our wives and children and we are responsible for what they see in their youth. In 2 Samuel we see David have an affair as King. We see him take Bathsheba into his bedchambers knowing she was married to one of his most trusted advisors. We see her get pregnant and instead of coming forward with his sin he plots to make the baby look like Uriah’s. When that plan fails, David then plots to have Uriah murdered. And if plotting wasn’t bad enough, Uriah was moved into a position in the war, on a mission where he would surely die, and he did. David did all this and although we don’t see it in the narrative, we see the actions of David’s oldest child later on down the road. Yesterday I discussed Amnon and how he lusted after his half sister. This was a forbidden relationship by many different laws of the time. When she would not give him what he wanted willingly, he took it by force. In doing this he not only destroyed her life, but threw her out of his chambers with the markings of trash. Who would he have learned that kind of behavior from then his very own dad, the King. The sins of the father are seen reborn in the children.

Love is certainly not an easy thing to do all the time, but we must. Love is hard and takes constant effort, but when we love the way we should, we can see the change in our lives with how others perceive us. Love is the greatest thing we have and it’s in that love we receive grace from God when we never deserve it. It’s in that love we see the sacrifice made by Jesus for us on Calvary’s Cross. We can never do enough to earn our own way into Heaven, but it’s by the Love of God and the grace and ransom paid by God’s only Son Jesus Christ, that we see the true meaning of love. How do we live our lives? How do we treat those in our circle of influence? Do we love them, or do we treat them with a casual indifference?

We only get one chance in this world to make positive connections with people. Sure we may not get along with everyone we meet, but we are still obligated to show love and respect to one another. We must learn and have a solid understanding of what true love really is. If we are to have respect for the word we need to understand how we ought to behave. Love is not a word we should toss around lightly. It’s something that demands respect of the word and those whom we tell we love, demand respect for them. Don’t confuse love for lust, and don’t be swayed by the world idea that you can fall out of love. If it was real love, and it was taken care of like love should be, there should be no way to fall out of love. Divorce should not be as rampant as it is. If we would love the right way from the start many marriages would never happen to begin with, and people would find their true compatibility with a higher rate of success. Love is not a children’s recess word, it’s something special, something sacred, and we need to stop downplaying its true meaning. Love truly does concur all.

 

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Love Got Ya Down?

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Love Got Ya Down?

Well, it’s love season. Everyone’s sending their messages about Valentine’s Day, how happy everyone is with their significant other. For those who are brutally single, such as myself, the season brings horrible feelings. I have found myself irritable, short tempered, and at a loss for where to go from here. I’ve been alone now for 18 months, and instead of feeling better as time goes on, I’ve felt worse. Love is hard to handle sometimes. It can be a mixed bag of good and bad. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is one of the worst feelings you may ever experience. I have felt lost in the wilderness these last months. I have faced rejection over and over, and I found myself feeling bitter and empty. The broken pieces of my heart, and my spirit left on the floor. The doors around me closed and I was trapped in the room with the pain, reliving it over and over again. As I attempted to move forward, every attempt seemed to be futile. The resistance to the lies and succumbing to my situation was harder then I ever imagined it would have been. While on this journey I have not found a new love, or even new friendships, I have found something far more important. It doesn’t take away all the hurt, but it does help. God’s love is more powerful then anything we may find in this life. God’s love doesn’t come and go with the whims of human desire.

Tell Your Heart to Beat Again By, Danny Gokey

You’re shattered
Like you’ve never been before
The life you knew
In a thousand pieces on the floor
And words fall short in times like these
When this world drives you to your knees
You think you’re never gonna get back
To the you that used to be

 Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday’s a closing door
You don’t live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again

We all need to find a way to heal and be all right. Yes the loneliness is hard to handle, and there may always be remnants of this in the background. Being alone in this world without a love, without close friendships can be a living nightmare. There is still hope though. The day will come when the Lord may see it fit to answer those prayers. The prayers that have been frequent in the dead of night, in the middle of the storms, in the meadow with the sun on your face, no matter where you’ve prayed, don’t loose hope, and don’t loose faith.

Lift Your Head Weary Sinner: By, Crowder
All who’ve strayed and walked away,
unspeakable things you’ve done
Fix your eyes on the mountain,
let the past be dead and gone
Come all saints and sinners,
you can’t outrun God
Whatever you’ve done can’t overcome,
the power of the blood

If you’re lost and wandering
Come stumbling in like a prodigal child
See the walls start crumbling
Let the gates of glory open wide

We must learn to focus on the Love we have from God. In this time of struggle the pain is real, and I understand it tremendously. I have attempted to avoid social media, and commercials, and even going to the store. I was at Walmart the other day and as soon as I walked in it was a sea of Red. There were hearts everywhere, and chocolates, cards, stuffed animals, all kinds of items to depict love. This isn’t easy for me because in my past, I loved to celebrate Valentines Day. I loved to do the cards, the chocolates, the gifts, the plans, everything you can think of. I loved to spoil my lover on this special day. Without someone, the constant reminder today is a struggle. I never would have thought after my ex-wife left that I would be alone this long. I never would have thought I’d face so much rejection. Luckily, there’s one form of love I never need to fear being rejected. The Love of God will never leave you, and that’s something we need to remember. Deuteronomy 31:8 “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” We may face the night but we do not face it alone. No matter how dark and scary the night, we must focus on the truth. Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” We may feel lost, and alone, and we may not have people with us, but we have a love that never ends. The Love we have from God may not always feel like enough, but when we are able to push out the heart desires even a little, we may find the comfort that we have been seeking all along.

Being alone isn’t ever easy, and I for one would never downplay the feelings of loneliness. I feel so deeply alone it often causes me to a point of depression. It’s not an easy thing being alone, and we often think we struggle alone. Sometimes finding help isn’t as clear-cut as we would like. Sometimes finding that place where you belong isn’t easy, but we need to think outside of the box. I know for sure I am my best me when I’m with someone. When I have somewhere to give my love and affection. It’s not easy walking this life without someone to share in my experiences. I often feel hopeless that my fortunes will change, but it’s in those feelings I know I’m under spiritual warfare. The Devil wants you to feel isolated, He wants you to feel alone, and He feels it’s easier to pick you off from the rest of humanity. Don’t loose hope, and don’t loose sight of the goals that rest within tomorrow.

Love got ya down 2

While some days it may seem we’re being washed down the river, unable to control where we go, how fast we’re going, and the treacherous waters we may face looming around every bend. No matter what we face, or how doom and gloom it may seem, the love that matters is the love of the Lord. That’s a love without end, and although it won’t make some feel less lonely regarding people, I would say, pray about your loneliness. Pray about what you feel would help with that feeling. We always have options, and when we focus on how to fix the problem, we’re more likely to find the solution with the help of prayer and boots on the ground.

The Kindness of Strangers

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The Kindness of Strangers

A few days ago I was visiting an old colleague at Walmart. I wasn’t going to go originally but while I was in Hawaii I got a gift for them. After walking around the store for a while we went out to the parking lot. I wasn’t in the parking lot for more then just a few minutes when a truck pulls up. The man inside grabs my attention and asks me to come over to the vehicle. He wishes me a Merry Christmas after putting up his fist. I expected a fist bump but he grabbed my wrist and turned my hand over. He extended his hand and places something in my hand. I thank him not knowing what I was handed and he drives off.

I’ve asked myself what I may have done to deserve such a gracious gift. I was wearing my Cavalry Hat with a 2nd ID pin. I had my service dog with me, and perhaps that’s why I was chosen, or perhaps as I told my associate pastor, “A nod from God, an atta boy.” You see, I have been giving money to my church for a family in need. I’ve been doing it a few months now, and it seems every time I have something amazing has happened to me within a few weeks. The saying goes “you can’t out give God.” These days that seems to be absolutely true.

The man gave me a $100 bill. It’s a generous gift and one I don’t feel I deserved or earned. One I intend on paying forward though. That is the nature of Christmas isn’t it? Good will towards your fellow man. We are the tip of the spear for the Lord. We do the Lords work. We fight the good fight against the wiles of the Devil. When we give without selfishness or unrighteous reasons, we stand up to the Devil who wants us to forsake the weak, forget the hurting, and focus on just ourselves. 2 Corinthians 9:7 “Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, [so let him give]; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.” We must follow the Holy Spirit within our hearts and know that we that give and be good stewards of what we’ve been given. Know that all gifts are gifts from above. Proverbs 11:24-25 “One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want. Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.” When we give as God commands we are rewarded in full. The Kindness of strangers is a nice gentle reminder that God’s still there looking out for us. Don’t forget the reason we have what we do and that’s because God loves us. God gave us his only Son to grow as one of us, and be the innocent blood spilt for our sins.

We have a duty, an obligation to Love, and to give, to spread the love to our neighbors. It’s not an easy thing to live day to day under the attack from the Devil, but when we are given the opportunity to give to strangers, when we receive gifts from strangers, keep the love alive.

A Journey In The Darkness

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A Journey in the darkness

Psalm 91:4 “He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.”

The joys of this life can be easily snuffed out in the mists of dark days, of struggles, and of heartbreak. When the days get you down you have to be strong. It’s so easy to fall into darkness and despair. I’ve seen it happen in my own life, and in the lives of many that I know. Despair is a dangerous and sometimes deadly trap. Despair can easily turn into quicksand and drag you down, and must like the Dementors in the famed Harry Potter books, it can suck the happiness right out of your lungs and make you feel like you’ll never be happy again. One thing in my own life I’ve found is how fickle some friends can be. Since my gun shot wound a year ago I’ve found more and more friends are fickle and come around only when they want something, or they are bored and know you’ll be there as a last resort.

While there’s no doubt that this hurts, and I know I can’t be the only person that goes through this, what hurts the most is the exodus that’s occurred. While I realize that bullet changed my life, and while I am responsible, the feeling of loss from the mass abandonment that was left behind is heart breaking. Now over a year later, I’ve had another exodus from obvious different causes, but never the less the pain is the same. This presents a new kind of struggle, and yet again staring at the brink of darkness, and once more unto the breach. The war continues and as there is a great sense of loss, I am left with one undeniable fact, that I am not alone. Though the case may be that while physically and emotionally I am or feel alone, God is always there with me. While this doesn’t take away the desire and drive to meet someone special, or want to make new local friends, it does prevent me from falling into complete and total despair.

I know at the end of the day when I’m feeling down and I’m feeling blue, I know that my future is much brighter then it appears because I know that my Abba is looking out over me. I swore no matter how bad it got I would never stair down the wrong side of that circumstance again, and that I would be an advocate for finding another way. There is always hope as long as we breath, and while I am lonely, while my Christmas wish is to find love, and to not being alone anymore, and to make some good local friends, I know that God is with me and in time, those things will be mine, because it’s what my deepest desire is from my heart. I may not always makes the right choices, but I try to.

If you’re feeling despair this season reach out, find someone. If you’re happy as can be this holiday season, reach out to your friends or family that are having a hard time. Don’t forget this is both the happiest time of year, and often the saddest. Faith is so important, and even when it’s sometimes hard, don’t loose hope, and never give up. Don’t ever forget that you can be protected under Angels wings, and your God, the King of all is powerful enough to handle any situation, every tear, every cut, you aren’t suffering through it alone. God is not just watching, God experiences it all with us. Rest assure you will make it out, and one day you will make it home, a home of pure perfection.