Tag: love

God Won’t Leave

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God Won’t Leave

 

I wrote to you and you said stuff too. I fell for your lies and you left me feeling like a fool. How could I have not seen it earlier, instead I had to feel. You said you cared but then you were gone. How can someone care then disappear? I believed you and gave you my attention my ear as you lifted me up and told me a beautiful lie. I listened to you and fell for the line that wasn’t true at all. How often have I fallen for the same lie over and over in my life? The truth is sometimes hard to swallow, as I have now been smacked in the face with, you didn’t care about me at all, just about yourself and as soon as I didn’t give you a certain feeling, you left. How long I have looked for something real, someone truthful, and faithful, but have come up empty handed. Thankful I am that God doesn’t leave me the first time I don’t live up to his expectations. Thankful God’s grace and love are bigger then anything I could ever imagine. I am thankful that the God who created the universe loves me enough to lend me His ear, hold me when I’m sad, and never leaves me.

 

Isaiah 41:10 (NASB) ‘Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’”  God’s grace is something amazing and we often overlook it because we are too busy to count the blessings we have. I have had an all out yelling match with God, but I know He’s still there. He can take my faults and love me just as I am. As I watch one by one the majority of new people I have met have left and have done so without a word with their exit. God is my hero and knowing God won’t leave or forsake me gives me strength to carry on past the hurt.

 

I am a person, and I feel but it seems my feelings don’t matter much to the majority of people I have in my life. Thankfully God hears my heart and knows my feelings. I may not always get what I want, but God doesn’t set out to hurt me like other people do. People have forgotten the feelings of others, and it’s a sad day when close friends no longer show they care. Watching as people lie, and say whatever they want to try and get something is heart breaking. God though, doesn’t have to lie to get anything from us. Joshua 1:9“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

 

Dealing with the emotional fall out from so much disappointment, it’s hard to understand how this happens, but God will strengthen me, and I will watch as the purging wildfire continue to rages on in my life.

 

 

In Need

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In Need

My God, my God, I cannot do this alone. I try to swim but I get caught among the waves. We don’t always know how much, but we are always in need of your grace and mercy. I don’t often think about being in need of God in regards to all things in my life. We go through life and we hop in the car, we drive to work, or the store, or even to church, but we don’t often think how important our relationship with God is in even the smallest details of our lives. We take our lives and many aspects of that for granted. How badly we need God in our lives, and rarely take the time to thank God for all of the small things, yet when we need something we turn to God in a second.

Philippians 4:19 (NKJV)19 “And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” The text says God will supply all your need, not some, not just what’s convenient, but God gives us everything we need because we are loved as His children. If we are to be given everything we need from God’s riches, then we are getting the best of the best based on what we require. Which means, if we require a swift kick in the butt, it’s going to be a darn good kick. If we require a particular lesson, that lesson will be tailored to fit God’s plan.

I have often chosen my path and because of my own choices I have missed out on opportunities in which God has laid before me. When we consider that God waists nothing, and that has led me to wonder if my actions now had lined up with God’s plan. I often think that God gives us what we need, and that we have a choice what we want to do with the gift. We have in mind our own path, our own plans, and we obviously attempt to make the best decisions we can but we are human, and we don’t always the best choices.

Two years ago, I made a choice and that choice may have had a lasting impact on my life. I had someone come into my life, and I choose to walk away for my own reasons, but now two years later I have not been given a gift like that again. Did I slap away God’s gift, and tell God I could do what I wanted on my own? How many times does God give us a gift for our hearts, and we pass it by? What good is a gift if we never open it, or just leave it on the shelf? I have often felt in the last two years that I may have passed by my chance to happiness. I have often wondered if God would be gracious and give me another shot to get it right. We make so many choices everyday, and it’s impossible to know if we are always making the right choices but we have to be in constant prayer. When we look to the gifts God places in front of us, are we acknowledging them as gifts, or just random occurrences? Are we making life about what we want, or are we making our walk about God?

Every single day we breathe we must look at the changes in our life and ask ourselves what we can do to ensure we follow God. To do that we must be in constant prayer, we must vet where the gifts come form in our life, and realize there are gifts from God, and gifts from Satan disguised as gifts from God. Don’t be so quick to turn away from God in prayer. Don’t forget to look to God for all things big and small. We don’t always get gifts in life when we think we should, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t God’s perfect timing. Prayer in all things will help us along the right path. As for me, I know I need God because I don’t want to miss out on God’s blessings in my life. I want to be paying attention for the gifts when they come and not let them go because they don’t align with my own plans.

Keep Fighting

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Keep Fighting

 1 John 5:5 (NKJV)5 “Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?”

We fight this world tooth and nail every single day of our lives, and somehow we find a way to make it through. We never fully understand the source of our strength and we underestimate the importance of God’s will and gifts for each and every one of us.

We face our hopes in so many things in this life, but fail to keep our eye on the North Star. Jesus Christ is the life that was sacrificed in order to give us hope in more then just tomorrow, or next week, but hope in Heaven.

It’s not easy living in the world when it’s so easy to become lost in it. The ebb and flow of the world is designed to sweep us away in the flowing waters, yet as out of control as life may seem, the truth is, when we feel out of control in this world, that’s exactly what Satan wants. Satan wants us to forget about our Heavenly hope, and begin to worry about the every day problems here in this life. When we start to worry about our bills, our relationships, our jobs, our friends, our vehicles, even our own health, it can quickly add up, and much like the rising waters of a flash flood, we are no longer in control, not of what’s going on around us, but of our own thoughts and feelings. We are commanded to remain sober minded and in control of our thoughts and feelings, and when we allow ourselves to get swept away we are in violation of our commandments. What else is there to say except stop worrying about everything going on. Handle what you must, and take one thing at a time, trusting in God to be there with you, to help you through.

Trust in God and allow your star to shine brightly and cut through the clouds, the storm, and guide you no matter what happens or where you’re swept off too. Stay firm and guide yourself by the only hope we ever need.

Invisible

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Invisible

Colossians 1:15He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. Jesus Christ

Have you put thought in the true power of God? The creator of the universe in perfect harmony loves you. Jesus Christ walks with us every single day and is with us while we are on this journey of discovery. We often find ourselves feeling alone, and angry that we don’t feel God. We don’t always see God around us, and we don’t feel okay. See, when we look further in the letter by Paul we find more of the mystery of God. Colossians 1:16“For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things have been created through Him and for Him.” God is so big, and so powerful, we underestimate the awesome power that we have in our corner.

I have walked through this life questioning my faith on occasion. It wasn’t so much a question of whether or not God was real, it was more of ‘Does God Care?” I’ve struggled with the amount of pain I struggled through, but when I think back, and knowing what I know now, the invisible God who’s everywhere, was with me the whole time. God promises never to leave or abandon us. There’s a war going on in the shadows all around us, and we are the targets of the enemy. This war that takes place invisible is not to be understated. The spiritual warfare that Paul talks about is very much real. While the characters are invisible the affects are as real as they come. The fallen angels that followed Lucifer now called demons help him lay the lure to see what fish they can catch. We are easily drawn to the world, sin is a powerful, attractive force. It can be very difficult to see sin for what it is and walk away. While the enemy is always trying to draw you out away from your protection, Jesus Christ is with you reminding you of the right path.

When you commit a sin and you feel that sense of emptiness afterwards, or that sense of shame, that’s the Holy Spirit filling you with conviction, reminding you what you did was wrong, and that you need to repent of your sins. We cannot see the Holy Spirit but much like the air we breathe it’s there, surrounding us all the time, we just have to take a moment away from the world and truly focus on the force that surrounds us, and flows through us.

The Devil’s affects are very real even though we can’t see him and his demons skulking around us. He wants us to forget that he’s not the only one in this world. Jesus Christ and the army of Angels protect over us. It’s hard to remember how gracious God is to us when we feel the suffering of this life. “You’re gonna suffer, but you’re gonna be happy about it.” (Prizinor of Azkaban) Ron says this to Harry about his tea leaves. The connection to scripture is very real, we are told we will suffer, and in Colossians 1:11 “strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy;” This life takes time to get through. And as I was once told recently the process of gold refinement is a slow process. The gold is heated as the impurities rise to the top, scrapped away, and then put back into the fire. Each time a little more of the impurities are scrapped away till eventually the gold is so shiny in it’s molten state the gold smith can see his/her reflection in the liquid. We are the same, that in every trial, in every struggle a bit more of the impurity is burned and scrapped away. If we are to live in Christ then we must allow those impurities to be removed. If Jesus is the gold smith we must allow ourselves to be put back into the fire so one day when he looks at us he sees his reflection in us. We may not be able to physically see Christ but his presence is clear. This life is but a fleeting moment in the prospect of eternity and if we are to join the angels, and God in perfection then we must be willing to allow the forging process to make us strong, make us shiny and new. When the pain is gone and the worry and doubts fade away the purest gold will be all that’s left in our hearts, and as we face judgment at the foot of the cross the final impurities will be washed away in forgiveness of our sins and we will be allowed to enter heavens gates, if we trust in Jesus, love him with our whole hearts, and believe in the process we must endure to get there. Our savior suffered for us, and who are we to think we shouldn’t have to suffer? As for me, I brace for each of the storms in this invisible but very real war for the souls of man. On that day I reach the gates of Heaven, I pray for two words from my Lord, “well done.” I can live with the suffering now to one day walk with Jesus in perfection.

Don’t give up on yourselves and trust in the refining process. I can’t help but not think of the song Hard Love by NEEDTOBREATHE. I’ve used that song many times in my writings, but it is so true. “It’s gonna hurt but don’t you slow down.” “It takes some time to make your courage strong.” It’s true that as long as you breathe there’s hope, but we cannot place our hope in this world, we must place our hope in Heaven, and our Savior that’s there preparing a place for us. There’s no hope in this life for this world, except that salvation awaits us. We are never promised and easy life, we are never promised peace while we breathe this air, but in Heaven our hope resides. No the process getting to Heaven isn’t easy because we have to first live this life, but what a worthwhile venture. I can take the beating, and the ridicule, and the pain because I know that one day Satan will no longer have dominion over the place I live. While I am here on this world, I know that Satan is spreading pain and suffering all around, but in Heaven the throne has God almighty and he loves his Children.

We may not be able to see the Holy Spirit, but we can feel it all around us. All we can do is ask Jesus to take our suffering and use it to glorify Him. Have faith in Christ, and give thanks to being alive another day, and doing work that will glorify the King. Heaven is worth the suffering of this life, and since God waists nothing, we can always find good in the trials we go through, we just have to look for them. Change your perceptions and give thanks for the opportunities to praise Jesus, and draw closer to God in the fire. Never give up hope because our hope is not in this world,  but in the Heavenly home.

 

 

Of Course I’m Angry

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Of Course I’m Angry

The world has been unkind. It’s been cruel and without fail the wolves come and attack by night. The enemy has burnt down my castle, and has taken nearly everything I’ve held most dear, more than once. I was angry as a kid with no where to put it. The anger stayed inside and the gauge continued to rise without a relief valve. That angry kid internalized so much but instead of being angry it turned into self-loathing. I believed for so many years being angry was a bad and wrong thing of me. I felt as if my anger was viewed as a weakness, and I didn’t have any good reason to be angry. The truth is I had every right to be angry, and as normal as anger is be it’s important to know how to manage that anger. Where do we direct our anger when it comes? Do we store it inside for use later? I want to tell you a little story about someone who’s angry but it’s based on a selfish desire and what he did with his anger.

If you were Lucifer and you were angry at God for being banished from paradise and cast down to earth to roam unable to return home wouldn’t you be upset? Wouldn’t you hate God’s children that took so much attention from the Father? Whether the Angels were created as servants or children the effect is the same. Lucifer was created to be the most beautiful of all the Angels and his pride caused the rebellion and the fall. Attacking God’s children in Adam & Eve was a sure way to get God’s attention. Who is truly the angry one here? When you start feeling self-loathing, and anger, and hatred, who has the most to gain? Misery loves company, and if Satan, once the most beautiful of all God’s creations fell from grace never to return to perfection, that pride, that anger, that bitterness, no one wants to be alone. Satan draws you in to his own pain, and it’s not you, it’s him.

It’s Not Me It’s You

 Let’s get the story straight
You were a poison
You flooded through my veins
You left me broken
You tried to make me think
That the blame was all on me
With the pain you put me through
And now I know that it’s not me it’s you (you)

It’s not me it’s you (you)
Always has been you
All the lies and stupid things you say and do
It’s you (you)
It’s not me it’s you (you)
All the lies and pain you put me through
I know that it’s not me it’s you

 

Satan chose to be King of the earth rather than a servant in Heaven. He has a legion of fallen Angels at his side and his anger, and cruelty and malice spread across the earth as a plague. The enemy and the legions that follow are in every ear, every whisper, every discouraging comment, and all the route of a single act of sinful pride. As Lucifer fell his turn to the dark side became complete. Any good that may have remained in him turned bitter, cold, in essence he became the antitheses of God, which God’s complete power. God’s grace, and love, and mercy for mankind, Lucifer turned Satan held the antitheses of these things, malevolence, hatred, and cruelty towards mankind. The perception that Satan was able to do a better Job then God himself led Satan to betray God, which of course God knew from the beginning. An angry child throwing a temper tantrum is how I put it before. Lucifer once hailed as the definition of beauty, now scorched and his anger fuels the hatred and rage that runs over all of us every day.

Yes I was a kid when so many horrible things happened to me, and then as time went on more things would happen in my adult life. I found myself angry, and bitter, and the monster that was inside of me longed to escape. While any reasonable person could look at my life and understand why I’d be angry, the truth is, anger isn’t healthy to hold on to. I was wrong for so many years to let it stick with me. I watched as that anger turned inward and became the root of my self worth’s destruction. I feel rejection deeply, a blow that can often bring me to my knees. As rejection has become such a big part of my life, I hurt deeply when it happens. I have a hard time not blaming myself when others feel the desire to walk away. My mind tells me it’s my fault no one loves me. My mind tells me it’s me, and I must be worthless. I’m not strong enough to manage the pain inside, and I’m weak for feeling this way. All lies.

Jesus Christ, the son of the Father, became sin so we would not have to bare the burden of death. Jesus was an act of love and mercy, and if we were not worthy of God’s love, if we were not important to God, we would not have been saved. We are the multitude of God’s creation, and we were so loved, meaning we were so important to God, that we were given the gift of Jesus Christ to pay our ransom, our very own individual ticket to Heaven. If we want to be angry, bitter, and full of hate, have you taken a moment to ask where that came from? Satan wants control, he wants us to feel the darkness that he has fully embraced. Satan wasn’t rejected because of who he was, he was rejected by himself. He choose to rebel against God of his own selfish pride. He may not have known the true ramifications of his actins, but with the multitude of millions of fallen angels around the world, it’s no wonder anger and hatred has spread. As we become more disconnected with God we don’t feel his grace and mercy like we once had. As we pass laws to criminalize the Christian faith, we will see the darkness continue to spread over the land.

There is hope however, knowing that Jesus Christ is more powerful than the world. Jesus is sovereign over the heavens and Satan while his rule on earth is temporary, which will never amount to anything in the end. All the souls lost have joined the eternal damnation that will follow. Again, misery loves company. It wasn’t enough that Satan doomed the legion of fallen angels to eternal destruction, but Satan wants you to join him. What are you really angry about? Are you angry that God didn’t give you that pony when you were 13?  Are you angry you missed out on that promotion at work, or that your spouse had an affair? If you’re going to be angry at anything be angry that Satan has his hands around your loved ones. Be angry that Satan fills this world with lies to fuel his own sick, demented desires. Be angry that Satan is taking lives meant for Heaven and dooming them into a pit of despair. It’s okay to be angry, just make sure you use that anger for the glory of God, and realize whom the true enemy is.

Don’t let anger consume you. Don’t walk the path of darkness, do not hold onto the hatred that fills your soul. As Yoda once said, “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”  If God, the one who created the Heavens and the Earth loved us so much, how can we be angry? We must lift up our hearts, to the one who holds the stars. We must trust in the goodness of this world because there is still light left. We must reject sin with malice. We must choose love over anger. Don’t be like me, don’t hold onto that anger for so long it stains the very core of your heart. Don’t allow anger to take up a permanent residence inside you. Feel the anger, and then let it go. Watch it leave with your breath, and allow the Holy Spirit to breathe inside you cleansing your spirit. Follow God’s word, Gods love, and live that love in your every day. While I have had just cause to be angry, what I didn’t have was the right to stay angry. Now I’m dealing with the self -loathing and self-doubt, and dealing with the stain is worse then getting spaghetti sauce on a white tablecloth. I have hated what I became, and as I kept it secret for many years, now it’s time to destroy that monster inside.

 We must understand that to fight the darkness, it’s to fundamentally change how we view the world. We must understand who we are in this place, and realize the world’s lies to us, and about us, do not define who we are. We must trust in God’s love, and not doubt our creator. If we believe that God is perfect, and His plan is perfect, then we must believe that we are exactly who we because it’s what God wanted. We have the choice how to allow the world to affect us, and if we choose to let the world lie to us, beat us down, make us angry, that’s a personal choice, and not what God wanted. Don’t get me wrong, anger is a healthy emotion, even Christ showed anger. God has displayed anger, and we too are given the emotion for a reason, but don’t allow that to consume you, to control you. You are in control of your emotions when you acknowledge them and deal with them. It’s okay to face the darkness, just don’t become the darkness.

Not Gonna Die Tonight

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Not Gonna Die Tonight

The sun rises springing up hope. The shadows retreat into the abyss and safe from death for another night. I’m gonna fly today and fight another day. The sun grants hope, and faith is restored. Jesus taught us not to fear the darkness, and to even travel into battle, courageous, full of strength, never allowing our senses to be dulled and holding firm against the minions of Satan. The night brings doubt, and fear, uncertain of what’s lurking in every shadow, but if we are walking in Christ, and for Christ, we shine brightly forcing the darkness to retreat. We stand tall as a courageous warrior for Christ, and when we stand toe to toe with the enemy, or the servants of Satan we must not allow fear to take control.

Tonight the sun will set and the whispers rise up breaking the silence, filling your mind of dark thoughts. Your salvation is secure if you know the Lord. The enemy has no power over you. The enemy has nothing to leverage over you. You have a ledger of all your sins, all your transgressions, and yet, in a single dying wish, we are forgiven of our lowest thoughts and actions. Grace and mercy are weapons against death and they save all who accept treatment for the sickness that has spread over this beautiful planet like a cancer.

We must prepare the armor every night in preparation for the pending attacks that will come. Night for me is the hardest time. Fear fills my heart and my mind making me question who I am. I question my worth, my love, and I doubt I am worthy of anyone’s affections. I wonder if I’m so damaged I am not a good fit for anyone. The evil finds its way into my mind and I begin to mount resistance. Satan tries hard to remove me from the board and I’m still here. Every single day is a battlefield and each and every time I open my eyes in the morning is another day Satan failed to bring me down. It’s hard to remember how important and precious you are because the world is designed to lie to you. Friends and family forsake you, the world may take everything from you, but the one the one thing that can’t be taken from you is your salvation. You’re a precious commodity of the Lord’s and Jesus Christ did not die in vein. We cannot allow the darkness to take up a permanent residence in our mind and spread to our hearts. You wake up in the morning and you can break free of Satan’s grasp. Everyday is a gift from God and every day our faith is restored that we are still here. Do not be afraid. Be bold and strong trusting in the Lord to heal your wounds. We have enemies all around us and we are soldiers in a war. Soldiers can win battles but doesn’t promise free from injury. We may be wounded but Christ mends the broken spirit. Feel the sun on your face and wipe away your tears, tend to your injuries, and know that Christ is always with you. No one gets out of this life alive, but because of a death we will live. The resurrection of Christ is hope to all. We must be brave and remember the voice of truth always.

Behind each solder in this life is a promise of that hope. For fighting for Christ we are promised peace and eternal blessings. Be something more than a pawn. Do not be an unknowing participant of the Devils schemes. Do not fall for the games, and the half truths. The messiah has come to save us from a life of living in no hope, a land full of darkness and despair, in which we are passing through but not truly living. 1 John 2:15-17 “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. 17 And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.” We cannot love the world, and hope the world will love us back. We cannot place our faith in the world when the world is under the rule of the Devil. The world is a cruel and unforgiving place, but in lieu of so much darkness we have a forgiving Father who wipes our slate clean, washes us from the filth that are exposed to as ambassadors for Christ. Warriors must be willing to make sacrifices, be willing to low crawl in the mud and even put him/her self in harms way.

The Devil cheats you, lies to you by giving just enough truth to make the argument sound good. The Devil gets in your head feeding you hope in freedom away from the laws of God. The Devil sews dissention and attempts to bring chaos to the world. Cast unto the fire is the fate that awaits those who tried to overthrow God. The Devil, Lusifer, who was cast out of perfection does not want to live in Hell for eternity alone so those who fall for the lies, the deceits, the philosophy of man shall join him in an eternal fire. Colossians 2:8 “Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ.” Do not fall victim to the bait because at the foot of the cross you shall be judged by your actions alone, and no argument will sway the judge of your innocence. No lie, no excuses will alter the course of your fate if you deny Jesus Christ as the true son of the Father, the lamb that bled for you so you may live. Denying Christ is sealing your own death certificate and given the choice now, will you choose to be a follower of the light, or a follower of the dark? There is no in between, there is only light and dark. If you are not of Christ you are of the world, and if you are of the world, you will parish and be dust once more. Men and women have died for the truth, and have given up everything for that truth. Don’t die tonight, instead choose to live, and light up the darkness that surrounds you. Stand firm if you are of Christ, and guide those who are lost. Ready yourselves for the next battle for it may come sooner then you think.

 

 

Can Anybody Find Me Somebody To Love

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Can Anybody Find Me Somebody To Love

It’s been two years since my love walked away. In the two years since I have found myself on a roller coaster of emotions during that time. I never would have dreamed two years later I’d still be alone, and fundamentally still looking for as I once put it, my Black Canary. https://thearrowpreacher.wordpress.com/2017/08/26/finding-my-black-canary/ I have thought long and hard about what I want in my life, and as potential sprouts up, what is it I am willing to give up, or what do I hold on too? There are so many questions that revolve through my head it’s sometimes hard to quiet the noise. No matter the people who’ve come and gone in my life, I have tried to maintain hope that this isn’t a permanent situation I have found myself in. Though the reality is harder to see, the emotions run wild. I have often questioned God, why is this happening to me? Then I often ask, why are you keeping this from me? It’s easy to ask question when you’re hurting, but perhaps the right question is what can I learn from this situation?

Going into my third Christmas now without someone special in my life has caused a landslide of emotions. Watching those around me have babies, and get married, celebrate anniversaries, and go on trips with the person they love, has made me feel envious. People have come and gone in my life, but I haven’t quite seemed to make much of an impression on anyone, and if I had, it was one of “let me run away from that guy”. I don’t understand what has happened to me, but as the feelings of loneliness seemed to have made a permanent residence in my mind, I now am trying to find ways to fight back.

I need to fight back against the lies that I’m hearing. The enemy has infiltrated my defenses and I have to now fight from within. The darkness fills my heart, and self-doubt, shame, hopelessness, and anger poison the thoughts that come. The whispers in the dark that have left me on the ground feeling cold and alone. It’s time I turn the fight around, and find a way to use the enemies attacks for my benefit. I know that right now I’m pretty low on the inside, and although I think I’ve gotten pretty good at creating a solid mask for the world to see, I don’t know how long I can maintain such a level of subterfuge.

The plan is to lift praises to the one who can change everything. I praise the Lord in this season of drought because God is good always. I praise Jesus Christ for the love shown to me every day, and without fail. I have many feelings that keep me down, but my joy still remains. I may not be happy, but I have joy in Christ. I do not want to be defined by the wreckage of my past. I am a child of the King and I’ve been saved, so while I may not have a lady in my life I do have love. I have been set free of my chains, and I must realize that the Lord over all creation knows my name. The Lord loves me because of who I am, not what I’ve done. The Lord loves me because I’m His child, and though I don’t have a special someone, I am a soldier for Christ, I am a warrior for God, and I will hold fast to the mission. The Lord catches me when I’m falling, heals me when I’m broken, and comforts me when I’m sad. Psalm 34:17-20 (NKJV)17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles.18 The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as [a]have a contrite spirit.19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all. 20 He guards all his bones; Not one of them is broken.”

So, when it comes to finding somebody to love, I have Jesus Christ. I cannot sit in my own sorrows. I know that someday I will be given the gift of love in this life again. God will give me the answers to my prayers when the time is right. This life is cold and cruel, and the world teaches us to fend for ourselves, to care little for others, and look out for number one. We are taught something different in scripture though and that’s to love your neighbors. We are taught to love all, love your enemy, pray for everyone, and be a servant. We are told to live in this world but never to conform to it. I may be wounded but I’m not down. 2 Corinthians 4:8-9(NKJV) 8 “We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed”

I pray to God that maybe this holiday I am not alone, and maybe things are starting to change. There might be a change of season approaching, and having faith in the possibility as I keep an open mind, and try to ask what God wants me to do. I’m not a perfect man, but I try to live as Christ would want me to, and I look to the future in hopes I am following the right path. I know I’m not truly alone as long as I know God is with me. My heart desires more, but I trust in God’s plan, and I try to remain patient. God knows, and I will trust in the Lord.

 

 

Where Were You?

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Where were you?

Where were you my God when I was all-alone, and scared? Where were you when I was being bullied at school every day? Where were you when I needed you? Where were you when my ex-wife was having an affair while my grandfather was dying? Where were you when my second wife was sleeping with another man while I was at home waiting? Where were you all those years I prayed for you feeling alone? I spent so many years crying in my bed for you, and as much as I wanted to feel you, I wouldn’t feel for years and years. Where were you God when I needed you the most in my life, did you sit back and watch unwilling to intervene in my life? I didn’t understand back then and even struggle now to see what the purpose was. I feel like there’s a monster within me screaming to get out. I feel dark, and I’m afraid of what lives inside me. I sometimes struggle with my faith, and when the night comes and the loneliness creeps in I just hope to make it through another night when I’m in dark times. My faith is sometimes hard to find when I can’t see your purpose, or feel your presence.

I’m sure many have felt this way before. I’m sure some of you feel that way right now. The truth is, I think a crisis in faith is something many go through. I think when you live through trials and troubles over and over it’s easy to become lost. The Lord tells us not to be afraid, do not be dismayed. Isaiah 41:10 (NKJV)10 “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’”I can’t say I am always comforted by scripture, but often then not, I read to remind myself of the truth. Deuteronomy 31:6 (NKJV) 6 “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” Our emotions aren’t always accurate to the truth of a situation. It’s easy to forget that we aren’t ever alone because Satan wants us to feel cut off from God. It’s easy to fall into despair because the world tells us it’s “fend for yourself”. While this isn’t necessarily wrong, and this world will not help you in times of trouble most of the time, Christian brothers and sisters will. We are told to live in the world, but not be conformed to it. God has been with us every day so far, and will continue to be with us every day going forward.

If you start to look into your life and question where God’s been, I ask, are you truly willing to open the door to let God in? How willing have you been to help yourself? God will never send you into the lions den to fend for yourself without giving you the tools needed to face the challenge. There are forces at work all around us, forces of evil trying to destroy you, and forces of good that are trying to protect you. The world would have you believe it’s just a cruel place, and that there is no good reason bad things happen to good people. The world wants you to think that if God was good bad things wouldn’t happen. The world would have you blame God for being in an abusive relationship. I’ve heard it before, “if God were good why would he let my husband abuse me physically and emotionally.” While this is certainly sad, one might make the argument that it’s choice to stay. I’m not talking about divorce, but I am talking about removing yourself from harm. We want to blame God for being subjected to things, but how often do we remain by choice? How often do we tell those around us that we have no choice? I say this; there is always a choice. We don’t like to make choices we can’t see how everything will work out. We want to avoid the unknown, and we are willing to brave the fire in spite of the open ocean. We cannot ask where God is when we elect to stay in a place God isn’t welcomed. I have seen this meme over and over again after a school shooting, “Where was God?” and under God’s reply “I’m not allowed in school.” Do we do the same thing in our own homes? Do we ask where God is during the year in between Easter and Christmas when you haven’t been to a service once? Are we doing any Bible study at home, or is our Bible dusty from Sunday through Sunday? We must understand that though God is always with us, he doesn’t force his will upon us. We have to choose to want him in our lives, and it doesn’t work if we only want God around when we need a miracle or because we need a ‘Get out of jail free” card.

Instead of asking where was God, I ask where are you? Are you walk with God every day or just when it’s convenient? Are you looking like a Christian every day of the week or just the few hours on Sunday at church? If you want to know where God is, or has been, it’s time to ask yourself where you’ve been walking. If you you’re walking along the path and you aren’t sure where God is, check the bottom of your shoes. You may have very well been walking in the poo and wonder why your life stinks. It’s a hard truth, but one we must all face at some point. Being a Christian doesn’t mean it’s all sunshine and roses, on the contrary we are told we will face trials, troubles, and persecution under the name of Christ. It’s in these trials however we are pushed and tested, and often we can either draw closer to God, or allow the world to win the battle? When things are going bad, and things seem hopeless, your place should be in prayer with God, and in church. It’s time to open the doors, and let God in, not just when things go bad, but all the time.

 

 

I don’t Have Time to Beef With You

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I don’t Have Time to Beef With You

I’m dealing with my own demons. Don’t pick a fight with me, Satan that means you. I have suffered long, and wondered why. I have struggled over the years wondering what I was going to do with the pain and anger I had pent up for over two decades. I started to realize recently that I had been living my life a certain way, and I wasn’t treating myself with very much respect. I think when you allow people to treat you a certain way, and when you allow people to disrespect you, shame on them for what they do, but when you allow them to do it shame on you. I was disrespecting myself by standing by and watching the cycle repeat over and over again. Now I look around me and I start to question where I stand with others, but I find I no longer want to fight what I believe is to be a loosing battle. I do not want to split my time by trying to keep alive what I should probably let die.

 

I cannot say for certain what exactly I’m meant to learn in this season, but if I had to take a guess I’m meant to be more fruitful with my time. If time is a resource and if I’ve been wasting it on others, it begs to reason God is removing my distractions from my life by force since I seemed unwilling to do that on my own. Regardless of the purpose I have found I no longer feel the drive to turn my attention to those that willfully disregard my feelings. Romans 8:28 ESV“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

 

I know that Satan has been coming and going for a while in my life, and has been causing many negative feelings, and doubts. I have decided I do not want to feel the way I do anymore. I find myself hurt and sometimes angry with those whom I gave my love and affection, my attention, and my time, when I didn’t get the same in turn. I know that a part of me is angry, but I know scripture tells me to put those feelings away, to get rid of them with hatred of the negative feelings. Ephesians 4:31-32 ESV“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Struggling is a natural thing for us sinful creatures, but we must continue to work on our feelings, and to try and rid ourselves of bitterness, wrath, and anger. I will not be baited into a beef with Satan, or anyone else for that matter. I will follow the Lord, and if someone doesn’t like who I’ve become, or cannot support me in my endeavors, I will walk away, and pray for those who choose to walk away from me. Time will tell who is left when the dust settles.

My Care Factor

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My Care Factor

If you don’t like the truth that’s not my fault. I didn’t choose the rules, or do I pretend to understand why, but the evidence is tallied up and it’s undeniable. The anger that has filled this world and the attacks that fly in the dark, guess what, I’m not getting into the ring with you anymore. I’m not going to be your punching bag all because you can’t handle your own life. I am sick and tired of being the bag and I’m not going to continue to duct tape my leaks. I’m going to move on and pray for the souls of the lost. Hatred, anger, even ignorance isn’t an excuse, and I’m not going to allow you to sit in my life and say my faith is “B**********”. I’m not going to allow someone to disrespect my faith and think that’s ever okay. I have far too much respect for God then to sit back and be okay with that. I didn’t write the rules; I didn’t decide what was okay, and what wasn’t. I won’t allow myself to give up. I won’t allow my night to fade away without fighting back. I will stand and fight, and no matter the chains I’m tied in, I will push myself harder, I will push myself farther, and my God is my faith, my strength, my joy, and no one can steal that from me. When my care factor runs to empty, my Lord restore my cup, fill my chalice till it overflows, for you are great, you are holy, and I am your faithful servant.

As I’ve been considering my position in this life I am realizing I’ve allowed people to sit in it, and talk to me however they want, and I overlook it. I am a human being and I have feelings. I sit here looking at my life and realizing “I would rather stand with God and be judged by the world, than to stand with the world, and be judged by God” It can be a lonely place dealing with the fallout, but as I have come to understand what’s going on in my life, a wildfire purge has started and though I don’t know when it’ll end, I have to have faith that the ground will be fertile and spring forth new relationships, and they will flourish. Romans 12:2 (NKJV)2 “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Trusting in the Lord and having faith that all things will work out and people are always going to fail you is something one cannot forget. Scripture is clear about putting your faith in the hands of man.

Knowing the reality of this world and facing the real consequences are two different things. The cuts come deep when feelings are dismissed, when words are thrown, and you are no longer a person, but something expendable. I feel lost and discouraged, and I try to shut my feelings off but they come and come, and I face the day one moment at a time. I know God is good to me, and as my frustrations boil over, I trust that God has plans for this time. I will not allow this world to defeat me. I will not back down, and I will say goodbye to any who things I can be disrespected and do nothing. I will not be that person any longer. I will have respect for myself for the first time in my life. I will hold myself higher because no one else will. Today I am weak, but I know I will overcome. I have God on my side, and I will fight these demons that rise up against me.

If you have people who come to use you, to treat you as a punching bag, to only take parts of you and ignore others, then it’s time to set healthy boundaries. It’s time to have respect for yourself, and treat yourself better by not allowing yourself to be beaten down by others. I have open wounds and one by one salt is poured in. I call to my Father to save me, to deliver me from the evil that surrounds me. I call upon my Lord to strengthen me, to show me the sun in the darkness. I will not give in because I have a reason to fight. The darkness will fall and I must wait for the third day for the sun to rise on the East. Things are changing all around me, and I am not sure what to expect tomorrow. As I say goodbye, I know that my Father will never say goodbye to me. The exodus continues, as God has started the wildfire burning down the old. Faith, is all I have.