Tag: life

Can you hear with that hood?

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Can you hear with that hood?

Life can be loud at times, and when the storms raging on it’s sometimes hard to hear the voice of God speaking to us. As I roam around the house especially in the fall and winter, I’m usually wearing a hoodie. Not much different then wearing the green hood, I like the way it feels, and I like wearing the hood. Not much different then my love of capes and cloaks, but it would look weird wearing a cape and a hood at the same time. Except for Damian Wayne, Bruce Wayne’s son. The point is, when I wear the cape, I loose just a slight amount of hearing capability. It’s so important to keep your ear to the ground and focus on the signs given to us by God. Abba (Father) gives us signs every day. He will talk to us it’s just a matter if we’re listening, if we’re paying attention.

When we’re living life it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the world. Psalms 25:4-5 “Shew me thy ways, O LORD; teach me thy paths. Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou [art] the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.” We must remain faithful even when we cannot see tomorrow. Quiet the noise and listen to the voice meant to guide you.

Praise you in this storm By; Casting Crowns

I was sure by now, God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away,
Stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
That it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear your whisper through the rain
I’m with you
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
The God who gives and takes away

And I’ll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
That you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

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Every day you should find a quiet place where you can reflect and listen to the voice inside you. Pray to God and ask for your troubles to go however fit to the Lord. Praise your Father on high and trust in the storm you will make it through. Take off the hood, step away from the noise, the struggles of the world for just a moment, and listen. Learn to quiet your mind and find the faith to carry on.

 

It’s Not The Size That Counts

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It’s Not The Size That Counts

 Sometimes the world is a huge place. It can feel large and overwhelming. Sometimes you can be the little guy in the boxing ring with a much larger, much more intimidating opponent. When you’re the little guy in the middle of a big fight you can’t always win by brute force. When I’m taking more punches then I’m given you have to think about your strategy. Sometimes all you can do is put the gloves up, protect the face so hopefully the bell will ring and the round will end and I’ll take it back next round. Life’s too big sometimes and you have to make the world smaller.

When you’re going up against a larger opponent you have to think smart, fight smart, figure out their weakness and exploit it. What makes Batman a fantastic character is his ability to read a situation and adapt. While he may not always win every fight, he does learn from them, he rethinks, regroups, and creates a plan. While he was grossly outgunned he managed to go head to head with Superman, and with meticulous planning, he was able to emerge victorious in the fight. You have to learn to read, adapt, change, alter, and use your opponents weaknesses against them.

The Devil searches for your weaknesses. He searches for a way in to hurt you. You can’t win against the Devil in a straight up boxing match so you have to learn to how to fight smarter. Sometimes in boxing you have to learn to take the punches, let your opponent get tired, and then move in for the kill (sort to speak). You can’t allow the Devil to pin you against the ropes. You can’t allow the Devil to get blow after blow knocking you to the matt.

You may feel small, and the world might feel too big, sometimes you just have to focus on a small detail at a time and go with it. When the sounds of the world are deafening focus on something small and soothing. When all you have is your own breath, sometimes that’s what you need to focus on. You can’t expect that every day will be a great day. We can’t expect that just because we are Christians and we believe in God that we won’t have troubles. God specifically tells us that it’s in our faith we become more of a target. We’ll always have a bulls-eye on our hearts and we need to sometimes dig deep, find something deep within ourselves that gives us the ability to fight even when we are the under dog, even when the odds are against us, and even when we are tiny in the great big world, there’s always hope.

Throughout history we’ve seen times when the little guy comes through. We’ve seen when the outnumbered are able to pull off the miracle. If King David can defeat someone full grown men, seasoned solders trembled in the sight of, then every little guy should maintain a measure of hope. The world may get you down and that’s okay, just don’t stay down, keep getting back up, and keep fighting the fight. Romans 8:31 “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be[a] against us?”

 

 

 

 

True Lies

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True Lies

A lot of people have been telling me they know what I’m going through. People have been telling me they understand, and they are there for me. Here are the facts, I haven’t recovered, and I haven’t had as many people in my life that have made a difference that I’ve needed. Yes there’ve been a couple, but this is too big for just a small few who can’t be around as much as I’ve needed. I haven’t really been in a good place for some time now. The heart wants what the heart wants, and when it’s fractured it takes time, energy, and patience to heal. The experts say it takes time and it takes distraction, and a rediscovery of one’s self. While I can’t deny I’ve had some amazing things happen like my debt being paid off, I have a roof over my head, and I have a pair of great dogs.

When I get close to someone it seems like they always pull away from me. I’ve struggled wondering why everyone’s always run from me. People say they are always going to be there, till they aren’t. You’d think the more people have up and left, I’d be afraid to get attached. The fact is, it take a lot for me to get attached to someone, but when I do it’s stronger then perhaps even I’d care to admit.

The sun rises and falls and while others around me live their lives, it feels as if mine is standing still. The heart seems to be filled with broken glass, and every time I breathe I start to bleed. It seems like I haven’t made any progress. I wonder why I’ve been given the loosing hand and no matter how I try to change the dealer, I just can’t catch a break.

We may love, but what if we have to keep that love buried? What do we have left when that fleeting moments of loving someone is what we have? We know that we have the love of God, and we know that, that’s supposed to be enough. We know that it’s our flesh desires that get in the way of what’s truly important. While it’s hard to push the loneliness away the hardest part is being in limbo. Do you love the girl? Does she love you? What’s going on with the job? Standing still, the tomorrow so full of questions, so full of doubt. The truest of lies is the lie you tell everyone else, but the lie you tell yourself. The truth is you’re not okay. While many will try to tell you they understand, unless they’ve endured even a fraction of what you have, been in similar situations, that act of comfort seems hollow.

All we are left with is the feeling of helplessness, the occasional sensations of hopelessness, all we can do is muscle through them, and pray for the best. We have to have hope that God knows best. While the nights seem long the truth will set you free. Even the most devout Christians can suffer from depression, anxiety, and moments of hopelessness. It’s not about feeling low; it’s how you handle day to day. Everyone will have days they are down, or sometimes months, and even a bad year. Make sure that even when you’re having your bad days, you stay focused on Christ. It’s okay to have your bad days, just make sure that you keep fighting to move beyond the storm and find your peace.

Doors

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Doors

As I’ve walked up to the door I about walked through and the door slammed punching me in the face. One of the biggest struggles we may have in life is going with the flow of the river. God will ensure that whatever path we are on will either continue or stop and we will be redirected on a new path. When the avalanche forces a different direction just remember what scripture says. Revelation 3:7 “And to the angel of the church in Philadelphia write: ‘The words of the holy one, the true one, who has the key of David, who opens and no one will shut, who shuts and no one opens.” Only the doors that God wants us to go through will be opened. The path we may be on can close at any time and we just need to learn to adapt.

Romans 5:3-6 “3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. 6 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.” While it may hurt to have a door close, and it may not seem fair at the moment, it’s probably for our own good. We just have to have faith that what’s in our heart may not be what we are supposed to be doing. We may have our own great plans, our own aspirations, but we need to remember that we’re not the ones in charge. God’s the one in charge, and when we let go of the rein and let God be our pilot.

Giving up control is never easy, and it’s often one of the reasons people have a hard time with Christianity, but the truth is, if God only has plans for greatness, for prosperity, then why would we want to be allowed to walk down a destructive path? God will allow us to destroy ourselves, but there will be roadblocks and signs for us to turn back. If we fail to listen, or push our way through regardless, then that’s on us.

Keep listening to God, and watch for the road signs so we know where to go. Don’t let yourself be so consumed by tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself. Worry for today, and let tomorrow unfold. Watch for the signs God puts in your life to help guide you. The answers are always there, but just like an inspector you must be clever enough to see the clues in front of you. Have faith in God’s plan, and remember to be thankful for what you have, grateful that the woes aren’t worse, and love like it’s your last day.

 

Fertilizing the Greener Grass

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Fertilizing the Greener Grass

What I’ve found is those who cheat, who have affairs, usually think the grass is greener wind up stepping in the fertilizer when playing in someone else’s back yard. The mental mindset that causes people to cheat or have affairs is broad and wide. There are many reasons for it, but the focus for today’s blog post is the aftermath, the destruction left behind.

I’ve been the victim of two vicious affairs. Two incidences where I have bowed out in peace although I attempted to fix the marriage both time, I wasn’t vindictive, or hurtful, not intentionally anyway. There’s a measure of physiology that tells us someone who’s done something horrible, will turn themselves into a victim, they will see you as their enemy, because they are projecting such strong emotions towards you to defect from themselves what they actually feel. Pain, guilt and shame are strong, powerful motivators, and often lead to the dark side. When they reach the other side of the fence, they realize the grass is so pretty and lushes, but there’s a secret, if you’re not very careful you’ll wind up with the secret on the bottom of your shoe. That’s right, I’m talking about the droppings in the hard that makes the yard so green. The other side isn’t truly greener, it’s greener because it’s littered with lies, and deceits, that you will get caught up in, and by the time you’re over there, it’s too late, and you can’t, or won’t go back to where you came from. We often hear that the grass is greener on the other side, but honestly it’s greener where you water it. The new feeling, that what’s full of joy, and shiny, and smells new, and we rave about it, will grow old, it will one day become vintage. The thing is just because it’s old doesn’t mean it’s broken.

A friend of mine has an old 1967 Chevy Camaro and it’s a beautiful car. In the right hands it’s been restored, improved upon, and made to look competition worthy. How great it is to own something so old, so out dated, and yet, restore it to it’s once former glory, and get so much enjoyment out of something so vintage. Where are we in relationships? When a relationship seems to stall do we throw it away because it’s not fun anymore? Sadly the answer is yes, most people do. Most people will forsake everything, to include their oaths in front of God even, to have the new and shiny. Most people will leave their spouses and their lives behind, forsake everything they once held dear in this life, and will chase after that shiny new toy. Sadly that new toy doesn’t stay new for long, and often it’s not as advertised.

Making sure we put our effort into our relationships, our marriages, our families, and even our jobs, we should make sure no matter where we are, or what we’re doing we maintain our environment. We have a great deal of responsibility with our lives, and how we treat those around us. No matter if it’s a coworker, wife, husband, children, or even our friends, we should always lift up, guide them in the ways of the Lord, and we should always make sure that our hearts are in the right place. We should always love those round us, even when it’s difficult. Life isn’t easy and because it’s not, we always need to know to take a bended knee and pray to the Father, our one and only hope for happiness, we must have the faith to let go of our pain, our past and push forward in our futures.

The grass is a conundrum. As obvious as it is for us to focus on what we have in our own yard, we must learn to stop watering the grass in a yard we don’t own anymore. Let me give an example. For a year now I’ve been separated. I have struggled letting go of that marriage, and as I’ve spent a lot of time focused on away to fix it, now after a year it feels as if I was trying to fix a yard that I don’t own anymore. We live in the past a lot. I have noticed that we often live on a fixed loop in our lives, and we get stuck on a particular event, usually one that’s tragic or hard to handle. The yard wasn’t mine to take care of anymore, and instead of focusing on my own yard, the new one, I let my own grass wither, and all that time I could have spent healing, moving forward with my own life, has been wasted. It’s hard not to focus on what we want even if what we want isn’t good for us. I’m not saying abandon the house at the first sign of trouble, but if it’s worth saving, it’s worth working on it. Don’t give up hope for where your heart is, but only if your heart is in a place where God wants you to be. Don’t give up hope, and never loose sight of the bigger picture. Always put God first, and He will tell you where you need to be focused. Don’t stay stuck in the past, and stay out of other people’s yards. Never forget to love your spouse, love your neighbor as yourself, and above all else, love your God with all your heart.

 

 

Heart On Fire

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Heart On Fire

The word kismet is a strange word is it not? In simple forms it means destiny or fate. We know that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes the reasons are more important then we could ever realize. Sometimes we meet someone and it seems like they are cut from the very same cloth as ourselves. Just because two people may be from the same cloth, doesn’t mean the timing is right for those two people. One thing I’ve been thinking about looking back is what the bible says about timing. One thing I have grown to understand is patience in laying the foundation of something important to us. Galatians 6:9 “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”

I’ve been watching as the tobacco fields have been plucked and loaded on trucks and taken to the possessing facilities. This year the fields didn’t go so well. The crop had a ton of water early on, and then drought set in, and then cold nights hit early. When farming there is a measure of patience, and it’s something us non-farmers have a hard time with. My biggest struggle is patience when it comes to love or matters of the heart. I’m not one to get angry easily, and I’m not one to blow my top quickly, but when it comes to love I don’t always know how and when to take a step back. 1 Corinthians 13:4 “Charity suffereth long, [and] is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,”

We must learn to have patience, Romans 8:25 “But if we hope for that we see not, [then] do we with patience wait for [it].” While loving the girl might be easy, knowing she doesn’t feel the same way is a struggle. Knowing that there are reasons I have to force myself to accept the reasons given, even if I don’t understand. Love is a fickle thing. Sometimes love can be there but it’s just not the right time. Romans 12:12 “Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;”

 While my heart burns, longing for a special lady, the truth hits me between the eyes. What once looked like a matter of certainty, what if I was wrong? What if I didn’t see what was in front of me because I didn’t want too? Hopefully I can find it in myself to be patient, be understanding, and push forward. While I know parts of the truth, the important part is my presence is wanted even if it’s not how I would want. I think in life all we can do is take it one day at a time, and hope for the outcome we want. All we can do is pray, and pray that our prayers are answered. We never know what God has in store for us, and all we can do truly, is either complain about it, or face it head on.

While my prayers are that she comes to me when she’s ready, but if not, that someone will come into my life and I will once again have a happy family. In the mean time, I will continue to do what I feel God wants me to do, and hope for the best outcome. Who Knows, maybe I’ll enter the exciting career of vigilante.

 

 

The Chasm

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The Chasm

I feel cold, I feel hallow and full of question. I feel broken, and the light seems so far away. How can I ever get through this and see another sunrise? The life lived flashes in my mind. Pictures, and videos playing together and I can see the smiles of my loved ones past, my failures, and my successes. The video isn’t happy but somber. Broken it seems, the video skips and repeats over and over at certain points along the film. It’s not the film that’s broken it’s me. The darkness is heavy and weighs me down. The tears stain the ground below me, the elephant sitting on my chest, and the sunshine in my mind turns to gray, and black, the flowers turn to dust and ash spreading out all around me.

I’m a failure and everything I’ve ever worked for has meant nothing. I suffer through the nights seeking a purpose, seeking a reason to be saved from the darkness. A failure in life, and a failure in love, alas I am nothing, and no one. The journey has led me here and I can’t see beyond the edge of this cliff. The fall is long and I know I can’t go back. The thunder rolls in the distance and I can tell the storm’s getting closer to me. The wind begins to howl and I can feel the cool bitterness of the night on my cheek. It’s cold on the tear streaks left behind. My eyes are swollen from crying, the crackling of the lightning startles me and sounds as if I’m being taunted. I have nowhere to turn, no way out. The storm approaches quickly, something unnatural, and mystical. The rain starts, it’s freezing and each pelt to my skin feels like it’s ripping through me. I look down only to realize the rain is going through me. I don’t understand, and I’m afraid. I hide behind the rock and I scream. The thunder crackles and the ground shakes. I can hear the rock crumbling all around me.

The wind sounds different, I listen close and in it I can hear something. The wind said failure, I am sure of it. Lighting strikes near by and I feel the power course through the ground. The ledge I’m on cracks, and I peek beyond the rock, I’m separated from the mainland now. I’m stranded here, with a cliff surrounding me. The rain still tries to hit me. I hear the wind again and it calls me weak. I tremble and more rain hits me, the pain floods my body. I see something in the distance, it’s cold, gray, solid, it’s a slab of some kind. What’s it say, I can’t read it? I move from the cover I have to get closer, it says my name. It’s a tombstone. Under my name it says disappointment in life. All my life I don’t understand, I tried so hard, and here I am. I turn away from the tombstone and I see a coffin in front of me, I look down and I see myself lying there. Cold, and gray, lifeless, the body frail and withered, but I know it’s me. What happened to me? The hand jumps to grab my wrist and I can’t get away. I fall but my arm is stuck. The sharp pain as I can see a message etched into my forearm. The message says hope from within. The hand lets go and I stumble back to the rock.

I look around franticly as the ground shakes again. The space between me and the casket crumbles and the casket falls into the abyss and flames fly up from the now smoky chasm. What does that mean hope from within? The ground turns to fractured glass under me, and I can see myself. I look pale, I look broken, I am full of holes from the strange rain. I am crumbling myself, and I have no where to go now. I can feel the anger and hatred bubbling up from inside. I grab a stone from next to me and I raise it to the sky, and with all my might slam it down upon the fractured glass. It shatters and I feel the moment of weightlessness before I fall. It feels almost peaceful the fall, the moments prior to knowing the end is near. It feels almost like relief like the pain and suffering may be over soon. Blackness covers over my eyes, and there’s nothing. Consciousness is gone and there is truly nothing.

Living life isn’t easy, and it’s certainly not for the weak. All those things we feel about what we couldn’t achieve, or what we failed, or what we lost, are only used as tools against us if we let them. There’ve been times in my life where I felt like this. There were times when I felt as if my entire world was crumbling all around me, and it would have been so easy to let myself fall and sink into nothingness. The key to life, the key to happiness is knowing that the hope lies within. The knowledge in Jesus Christ, the truth that each of us has the potential for great love, or great hate, always within us. When we stumble and fall what forces us to gather the strength to get back up and carry on. When we listen to the voices in the dark, what do we hear? Can we hear the voice of truth or the voice of lies? Do we allow the darkness to cover us and we succumb to the lies? Do we raise up and climb out of the chasm we are in. The truth is we aren’t alone and even when we feel like we are, we must dig deeper and search our heart to find truth, the true faith that we have inside. If we let the deceivers lies influence us, we will forever remain in the storm, stumbling blindly through life until the end comes for us, and eternity rests in the balance. We always have a choice, and no matter how dark, how scary, how perilous the journey seems to be, we aren’t alone, we have a guide. The Book of God tells us where our hearts need to be. It tells us what we will face, and how bad it can get. The book tells us our futures, and we have only but to ask, but to prove not just to God, but to ourselves that our faith is strong. The faith to get back up when we fall. The faith to face the fire, to run into the Devils den and know that no matter what happens, we’ll be okay. We can face tomorrow no matter what today is like because of two little words, Jesus Christ. We live because Christ died, and rose again showing everyone that the bonds of death had been broken. We will always be our own worst enemy when we let the Devils whispers influence us. We will always feel alone, and hallow, and empty if the Devil has His way. Life will always do you wrong, but we must keep marching on. You will be brought to your knees, but if you are on bended knee you can do one thing, only one thing that will truly save you in the moments of despair, pray. We can only give ourselves to God, mind, body, and soul, and in that instance we will be fueled by the Holy Spirit and by the graces of God we can achieve success over the attacks by the prince of darkness. Don’t allow yourself to end up on a precipice alone. Don’t let the storm frighten you, for when you have little faith, you become the weak pray for the Devil to devour.

My own past haunts me, my choices, my failures, my losses, and although they have been great and plenty, and I have suffered long, tomorrow can bring light instead of dark. The flowers may bloom instead of wilt. Faith isn’t easy, and it takes practice, it takes time, it takes constant effort to build the muscles in your mind and in your heart to trust in God. Knowing and doing are very different. Knowing you should trust God with every aspect of your life, and doing it can be a vast challenge. Hope and love, forgiveness and relinquishing control are the ways to the light. We must forgive those who’ve hurt us, we must forgive ourselves for our parts in the wrongs in our life. We must let God be with us, let God hold us, and protect us. Living is hard enough as it is, we don’t need to make it harder on ourselves by doing it alone. Have faith in the Lord and accept the gifts He gives to us. A lesson I still haven’t mastered, but every day I try. You can walk the rugged path with God, or the smooth path without, but things aren’t always as they appear, sometimes what seems to good to be true, probably is. Don’t be fooled by the easy path, or the pretty baubles that shine in front of you.

Bright Tomorrow?

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Bright Tomorrow?

The darkness fills the room. The lights go out and blindness is the word of the night. How we cannot see when the darkness is all around us. When choices weigh you down, and you can’t seem to lift your head off the pillow it’s so heavy like a pile of bricks. The darkness spreads, it’s an evil entity with a mind of it’s own. It follows you, it stalks you, it hunts you in the light of day, and in the darkness of night. The shadows weigh you down, and if it catches you, it may very well crush you.

When you run from the darkness where are you running? What are you running from? We all have our shadows, and we all have the darkness inside us. It’s fear, and doubt, it’s the bad traumas we face, and it’s the hopeless nights that haunt us. We feel the weights pile on, and we watch as the weight on our shoulders weighs us down dragging our shoulders to the ground. The literal weight of our own cross drags us to the ground and if we aren’t careful it’ll crush us into the dirt. Have no fear though, there’s hope just on the horizon.

1 Corinthians 9:26 “So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air.” How do we fight the darkness? We must remember that the darkness are the lies and the self flagellants we push upon ourselves. The Devil wants to use our fears and doubts against us. The Devil wants us to struggle with our past mistakes and our past failings. We know that the world isn’t a fair or kind place, but when it feels like more then you can hold, you know who to call, and no not the Ghostbusters.

When the world is more then you can take you gotta call upon the one and only strong enough to get you through, Jesus Christ. Christ will carry you through, Christ will left you and protect you. We have our trials, we have our hurdles we may face, but no matter what it is, it’s never to big for God. Give us strength oh Lord of all to help us through. I don’t have to be strong enough because I am never alone. Christ gives me strength to push away the demons who attack my weaknesses, Christ gives me strength to light up the darkness and make the enemy of the night flee before the light of the cross.

Heavens mercy upon us is strength for this world, it’s hope, and it’s a way to push beyond the fear. We can always count on the Lord to be with us. We can always hope and pray for the best, but we know the fight will come, and we must always be ready. We can’t let our past weigh us down. We can’t allow our pain to forge our future. We must learn to embrace the pain, and use it for a better tomorrow. We draw a line in the sand and we choose to fight. How can we fight if we are weighed down with our own fears and doubts? The world is hard enough to face, let alone face it when we are over encumbered. The Devil wants us to go to war with the fear and doubts, the pain, the hatred we hold in our hearts. How can we share the light if our own light is subdued by the stained hearts we have? The fact is, is you’re going to stand you need to go toe to toe with the darkness. There’s only room enough for one of you in this world, and it’s either the one that embraces the light to forge ones self in the fire, or those who embrace the darkness and forever lives in the shadows of misery. You can’t forge steel without the flame, so who are you going to be? Are you going to be the one to fall on your face and stay down, or are you going to embrace that fire, and fight the Devil? You need to realize you’re more then the bad decisions, you’re more then the pain, you’re more then the lies the devil tries to spread. You need to have the faith that allowed the clouds to part, the giants to fall, the seas to split, and the sins of the world to break the temple in half. Don’t be afraid of the darkness because with God anything’s possible. The fight is coming no matter what we may want. You have to learn to be ready for it, and when it comes know how to fight back. Trust in God and believe in the impossible. God doesn’t just have the big stuff, but the small details too. Don’t let the darkness scare you because if you are walking with the Lord you aren’t in the darkness. It may creep up on you, but stand firm on the heels of Christ and you can defeat the Devil when the battle knocks on your door.

 

The Writings On The Wall

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The Writings On The Wall

“And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn’t so clean. You know what? It doesn’t matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze. That’s what moral fiber’s all about.” (The Girl Next Door)

Do we walk with eyes of the reality in which we live, or do we walk without sight of the truth? 2 Corinthians 5:7 “for we walk by faith, not by sight.” The truth is, sometimes we don’t want to see the truth. It can be so obvious, the facts, but with our sight we may only see what we want to see. “Love is Blind” this is an interesting remark and it depends on context I suppose. We are to love God with all of what we are and trust in Him completely. However when we love someone we can’t always see that love might not be good for us. We may believe as I had that if the juice is worth the squeeze then you’d do anything for the person you loved. The key to that is though, what if they don’t love you back?

As difficult as it may be, sometimes the truth is hard to accept. For many the acceptance of Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior is difficult, and for others impossible. To place your fate in the hands of someone you don’t know, and question if they ever existed is a stretch for some. Knowing Christ existed is not the problem, the evidence to his life is incontrovertible. The question that remains is the validity of his Divinity. While I could go on for hours as to why Christ is the savior, I won’t. The bigger point I want to make is a problem we face on a regular basis. When we love someone we are often blinded by the feelings towards them. We look to them and dismiss the bad stuff they may do and we see only the good, only the positive things we want to see. What if the love isn’t mutual? Do we still love if it’s not reciprocated? Why do we fall for those who never show us the same love? What is it about loving someone who can’t or won’t show us the same love in kind? It’s a tough dancing act we follow. Knowing the truth is always different then accepting the truth.

 The truth is hard to accept, it’s difficult to stomach when what you want something so bad, but can’t have it. The feeling in your stomach, the sinking feeling, the struggle to catch your breath as the air feels as if it has been sucked straight out of your lungs. The heart rate spikes, and pounds, and you’re left with the emptiness that remains. Tomorrow will come and the feelings in our hearts will remain, and all we can do is try and move forward and let our hearts heal in the face of pain. We may not get what we want, but all we can do is take what we have and use it to get stronger for the fight that will come tomorrow. The fight comes each and every day till the day we draw our last breath. We can either fight or die not knowing what we could accomplish. Some people search an entire lifetime to find true happiness. Some find it, some never do. Some have it and let it slip through their fingers, and others have it and destroy it. Either way love is fragile and we have a responsibility to the strongest thing in the universe. Allow it to flourish, or let it die, we have a choice, so what will it be?

Stranded

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Stranded

I sit in the car, the hazards flashing, the dome light on, and the engine running. It’s chilly outside a brisk 47*. Whatever it was, it was big and solid. To damage the tire that badly, probably a big brick or something. Sadly it was in a blind spot passing a semi, by the time I saw it, it was too late. I knew the moment it hit the tire was gone. I prayed I was wrong, but moments later I felt the shudder in the car, and the fight to stay straight. Just seconds later the pressure gage went off and my fear came to pass. Without any options I called roadside. No luck there. I unpacked the trunk and grabbed the donut from its hidey hole and started to work. What I didn’t count for was the strain on my neck.

Unable to get the tire off I had no choice but to call AAA and get help changing the tire. Not feeling much like a man, I realized I don’t want to stay here, and I’m not in a position to be prideful. It’s already bad enough I have to wait for the tire place to open to get a new tire. Hoping for the best, and it is just the tire. Riley seems to be doing okay, though I’m sure she’s not loving sitting still. A highway patrol officer stopped by to check on me. He seemed nice and it was nice to be checked on.

Stranded 1

While this is the second time I’ve pulled over for tire issues on my voyage home, I’ve begun to wonder if me leaving early isn’t the right thing to do. I cut my trip short by 3 days. For now, all I can do is sit and wait.

Whatever it was it was big and heavy, and damaged the rim. I dodged a bullet with the rim and the primary damage is the side, which is cosmetic. While there is also damage to the wheel base, I don’t know what it is yet, I know that insurance will cover the damage.

An 11-hour trip turned into a 17-hour trip, but no matter how badly the traffic was, the incidents from the start, and the setbacks that occurred. No matter the setbacks I had one thought that kept coming to mind, Nikinzie, my dearest friend, a woman I’ve grown to care for a great deal, I kept thinking about her advice she would give to me during my trip. Her words of wisdom and her trust and faith in me helped me to keep in mind no matter how frustrated I would have normally gotten, I remained calm, cool, and collected. She deserves a big shout out because of how influential her part was in my trip home, and of course, how important to my life she is.

No matter how horrible the trip home was, the key is to remember it could have been worse, and God was still in control. No matter what situation you find yourself in, you have to have faith that God is with you, God will pull you through no matter what. The good the bad or the ugly, the waters can always get worse. Don’t give up hope, even when the day has turned in an unwanted direction. 17 hours later the day didn’t go the way I wanted, but I made it home safely, and that’s what’s important. Try to hold onto the positives, and try to see the light in the darkness.