Tag: learning

The Cross We Bear

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The Cross We Bear

Matthew 16:24-26 “Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” In our walk with Christ we are commanded to pick up our cross. Forsake our old life, the worldly desires, and aspire to grow in our relationship with God. When the world is too strong and we feel like we cannot take another step, cry out to God and bear that cross with honor. We are soldiers for Christ and we have a responsibility to our loved ones, our friends, our enemies, to fight the fight. John 16:33 “33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

 Have you ever listened to American Soldier by Toby Keith? Listen to the words. Take what you hear and make some small substitutions.

I’m just trying to be a father
Raise a daughter and a son
Be a lover to their mother
Everything to everyone
Up and at ’em bright and early
I’m all business in my suit
Yeah, I’m dressed up for success
From my head down to my boots

I don’t do it for the money
There’s bills that I can’t pay
I don’t do it for the glory
I just do it anyway
Providing for our future’s my responsibility
Yeah, I’m real good under pressure
Being all that I can be

And I can’t call in sick on Mondays
When the weekends been too strong
I just work straight through the holidays
And sometimes all night long
You can bet that I stand ready
When the wolf growls at the door
Hey, I’m solid, hey I’m steady
Hey I’m true down to the core

And I will always do my duty
No matter what the price
I’ve counted up the cost
I know the sacrifice
Oh, and I don’t want to die for you
But if dyin’s asked of me
I’ll bear that cross with honor
‘Cause freedom don’t come free

I’m an American Christian soldier, an American
Beside my brothers and my sisters
I will proudly take a stand
When liberty’s in jeopardy
I will always do what’s right
I’m out here on the front lines
sleep in peace tonight

 If we are Soldiers for Christ, and we listen to this song, we can see what it means to follow the Lord. I’m solid, I’m steady, I’m true down to the core. If we are walking with Christ and we know Jesus in our hearts, then when the wolf growls at the door, the devil is always growling at our door. As Christians our job as disciples is never ending. We never take a break, and we never give up. I’ve counted up the cost, I know the sacrifice. We know following Christ is hard, and we know that there will be battles. We know we will be rebuked and sought after for persecution. We know the cost could one day be our lives, but isn’t it worth it to spend an eternity in heaven? Our first duty is to the Lord, and no matter the cost, we know we have to follow Jesus. What about our liberty as Christians? Are we standing up and fighting back when they are in danger? Are we standing up against the attackers and fighting back? To follow Christ there is no glory, no reward that makes a difference on this early world. However the payoff is in the wonders of Heaven. Freedom from sin, and we know where that takes us, sometimes we may be asked to lay down our life in the name of Christ. I don’t want to die for you, but as Christ died for us, we too may one day be put in a situation we must stand tall. Freedom isn’t free, it was paid for by the blood of Christ. We do one day may be forced to make a choice. All around the world Christians are laying down their lives against attackers as the Christian Church is being attacked brutally. If the day comes will you stand firm against the wolves, or will you deny Christ to save your own life? No matter who we are, what we do for a living, Christ is our Lord and Savior, and it’s in that we need to remember down to the core of our hearts, we are Soldiers for Christ.

Luke 14:25-34 “Now great multitudes went with Him. And He turned and said to them, 26 “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. 27 And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. 28 For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it— 29 lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, 30 saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish’? 31 Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? 32 Or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace. 33 So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple.”

It’s so important to know how and why to pick up our cross to follow Christ. There’s always a cost to follow Christ. The song Hard Love by Needtobreathe says “You’ve gotta burn your old self away” We must know that to follow Christ is to allow the old worldly self to burn away.

Bare your cross with honor, and bring all the glory to God. We will be rewarded for our sacrifices and we will be given a freedom far greater then we could ever imagine. Just have faith in the Lord, have faith in the path, and finish the race strong.

A man who has very little. A man without a partner. A man without a job. A man without a house. A man who places worth on what he doesn’t have isn’t a man. A man who has Jesus. A man with God in his heart is more rich then all the money and objects in the world. A man who has love for others, love for himself has more to offer then most. Money and riches doesn’t define wealth. Wealth is in the abundance of faith. Wealth is the gift of eternal paradise. Be content with what you have. Know your blessings and where they come from. A man with Jesus in his heart can change the world. Be a man of Christ and you will be rewarded more then any bank can hold. Have faith in the Lord and the Lord will provide. The cross we have may burn us, may scorch our flesh, may push us to our limits and our breaking points, but having faith in the Lord above we will, one way or another, be pulled through any and all our trials. Be a Christian Soldier.

 

Sweet Godly Accidents

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Sweet Godly Accidents

It’s interesting how a mistake, an accident can be a great and wonderful gift from God. The other day when I was building a Lego house I was completing the very fragile roof I accidently pushed too hard and a section of the roof collapsed. Obviously this is a frustration because once the collapse occurred the only way to fix it was to take the entire roof down and start over. While there was a gaping whole in the roof of the house all I could say at the time was oops. Within a moment I had decided to use it to my advantage. Over the last several months I had made note of bad choices surrounding my life, some were my choices, and others were that of others. The point is sometimes out of an accident a blessing or a path is waiting for you. We may not always see the reason for accidents, but sometimes it’s to teach us a valuable lesson, or alter the path we are on. Matthew 10:8 “8 Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead,[a] cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.” We receive gifts and we don’t always acknowledge what we’ve received as a gift. While I wrote the blog post ‘OOPS’ I found myself considering the consequences of the good and bad things I had witnessed the last 11 months. As my world around me crumbled into a million or more pieces the why is this happening, the what am I supposed to learn and do now, the when will I begin to feel better in my life, questions that wouldn’t come, but faith would continue to guide me like a lighthouse in the bitterness of the worst storm I’d ever see in my life.

It’s amazing how some actions may seem like accidents, or even things that are accidents, but either way, God is working to pull you through no matter what the case may be. In all of our mistakes, in all of our suffering, there’s still lessons to be had, blessings to be seen. Romans 12:6-8 “6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; 7 or ministry, let us use it in our ministering; he who teaches, in teaching; 8 he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.” In each of our God given gifts we must find the will to survive. We must always find a way out of the fire. The gifts we’ve been given no matter what they are can be used to glorify God. We must learn to use our gifts to the best of our ability and in using our gifts help to lift up those around us. Every accident is a chance to glorify God. Every mishap is a chance to show what God is in our lives. One way to look at an accident is a Godly opportunity. No matter the tragedy, no matter the accident we have an opportunity, an obligation to rise above and show what being a Christian is all about. Always look to the sky, and know that God is looking out over you. In every mistake or accident the chance to fly above the clouds is always there. You may feel like you’re in the muck but when you behave has a true Godly Christian, you can fly, soar through the clouds because if God is for you, then who can be against you?

When we forsake our faith, when we turn our backs on God we can be sure that the blessings in our life are only a snowballs chance. We never know what our future holds and what blessings may be just beyond the river bend. We may never know the joys that are waiting for us, and in that, we can have faith, that the faithful will be blessed. It’s easy to look back on a situation and have our perspective skewed, tainted by the world, the attacks by the Devil. When we are suffering the pain can blind us from the truth, and from our path. The struggle is to remain focused on God, focused on God’s plan for us, which is of grace not despair. Trials and pain will happen, but if we trust, truly trust in the Lord, there may be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Just remember, without the storm, there is no rainbow and with no rainbow, no pot of gold. Endure the storm, to find your pot of gold.

 

Finding Love and Dealing With Loss

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Finding Love and Dealing With Loss

As it’s been a good while since my separation I find myself revisiting my future for Love. As I have posted extensively what love means to me, I still have a hard time understanding my place in this world, and as I question my place, I also question the purpose of me remaining single and unable to find even so much as a date. Now I’m not complaining, just making an observation. The scripture tells us, Jeremiah 29:11 “11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” The day to day routine I find mundane and it’s a tough pill to swallow. The struggles we have to find our way, to understand the ‘plan’. When a relationship falls apart and broken hearts are left in the wake of the hurricane that plows through life, steps to recovery need to be taken. We’ll talk about those here.

While I have been on my own road to recovery there are things I have found and learned over the last year. What steps can we take and why are they important? According to divorce magaziene.com there are 10 not so easy steps to recovery.

  1. Don’t forget to ask for help
  2. Declutter
  3. Keep yourself busy
  4. Find yourself again
  5. Travel
  6. Give it time
  7. Things happen for a reason
  8. Find your focus
  9. Try to forgive
  10. Do not close your doors

I will say asking for help is important. This however comes with some pitfalls. Some friends are fair weather friends and will not be there to help support you in your time of need. In the event that happens try not to let that add to your pain. It will, but it’s important to focus on what you can change in your life. Declutter is so important. I failed in this category. I allowed myself to keep pictures, and objects that would remind me of my marriage and that would create hope and pain where perhaps there wasn’t any. It’s so important to pack this stuff up. We don’t necessarily need to destroy or get rid of this stuff, but putting it out of sight out of mind is very important. Yes that means facebook too.

Next is keeping yourself busy. This can be a very hard to achieve. This often requires friends to be around or you to be comfortable enough to venture out on your own. This too is a step I failed miserably. My activity average was very low. I found myself in the house unable and unwilling to go out by myself when I didn’t have anyone to spend time with. It’s important to find something, anything that you enjoy. For me my joys were Lego’s, Archery, Photography, and writing this blog. We can never forget Netflix. Sadly my injury had stopped a few of my options dead in it’s tracks, and Lego’s can be expensive, so that’s another thing to think about, the cost involved in this step. Finding hobbies and other means to keep busy should be inexpensive and not taxing or draining important resources.

We must learn to find out who we are. This is something I hear all the time. Take time for yourself. While this time period is different for everyone, it’s important not to dwell on the past. Find who you are without the love that’s no longer in your life. Find what about yourself you love, and stop the negativity in its tracks. When you are not the one to walk away in the marriage, when it’s something you didn’t expect or want, it’s difficult to combat the harsh feelings that keep into your mind. It’s important to reach out in times of need, and surround yourself with people who are positive and will lift you up, rather than tear you down.

While traveling may not be something everyone can do, a bit of change in scenery can be a world of difference. Getting out of the home you both had is important. Even getting out of the town or city though not viable for everyone, it’s still worth a thought.

Time, is both our friend, and our enemy. While time heals wounds, if that time is not treated with respect, it can create pain. We must learn how to balance time and effort. We must tell ourselves every day that tomorrow will be just a little better then today. We must learn to let go of the pain a little at a time. Let time be an ally and not an enemy.

We may not understand it, but everything happens for a reason. We may not ever get the answer to why our spouse decided to leave, or do whatever it is they did, but we must realize that for every tragedy, there is also opportunity. While this is perhaps one of the hardest things to do, that love we must hold for ourselves, and understand that tomorrow may be the day we meet someone new. We must understand that no one can ever replace the loved one lost, but we must understand that while we can’t replace someone, someone different can be just around the corner, someone that can become very special to us. We have to have faith in God, that God doesn’t want the faithful to be alone, and if we remain faithful to Christ, we will be rewarded when it’s God’s time.

Find focus and purpose in your life. We must allow ourselves to feel important in our own lives and some do this by reaching out to help others. Some do this by volunteering, or working longer hours, or spending time with family. Set written goals, and allow yourself to work towards them, but make sure your set goals are actually obtainable. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast. You don’t have to achieve everything all at once. Allow yourself to work at a reasonable pace towards those goals.

While I don’t believe in the word ‘try’ in the try to forgive, instead I will say forgiveness is not something to be earned. Forgiveness is something to be given freely because we are told to forgive in scripture. There’s not a single verse that says to forgive under some circumstances instead of others. No, we are told to forgive as our Father has forgiven us, and we will never have done enough or can never do enough to earn that forgiveness. It may take time to forgive because some people hold onto grudges, and while I can disagree with that notion, it’s a fact of life. Every day you must tell yourself, “I forgive you” no matter what it is, forgiveness is to let go of that anger, the hate, and to allow yourself be rid of the poison that fills your soul.

Don’t let the fear of striking out stop you from getting up to the plate. While not every relationship will turn to marriage, and not everyone you meet will turn into a relationship, we can’t be afraid to try. We never know what we may be passing up unless we try.

We don’t and won’t understand everyone’s actions and intentions, but it’s in our darkest of hours we may find what we are truly made of. Having faith in God and allowing ourselves to be good servants and stewards of God’s love and grace, we will be rewarded when the time is right. Colossians 3:23-24 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” Always live to do hard works for Christ. When we live for the Lord, when we Love the Lord and give all the glory to the Lord, we will be given the Godly desires of our hearts. Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

 

 

 

How do you outsmart the Fox?

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How do you outsmart the Fox?

The Fox is a sly, crafty, and tricksy of the four legged hunters. When we say someone is sly as a fox we generally mean they are good at getting what they want, that they are cunning, and can do this by any means, to included underhanded means. Recently the movie Zootopia featured a fox and the stereotype carried on that the fox would use trickery and cunning to swindle animals on it’s way through life.

Last year at my own home a fox was scene skulking around my house. The fox was seen up on the hill behind my house. The first strange thing was the fox was outside in the middle of the day. It was just sitting at the top of the hill staring at the dogs as they barked and growled at it. The fox didn’t seem at all concerned about the dogs. Also in the back yard was a small potbelly pig. This pig was probably the fox’s target. The dogs didn’t like the fox hanging around. I was standing on the back porch and the fox just watched me, not troubled at all by my presence. A few days later the Fox came back and this time was pacing up the hill staring at the fenced in yard. I do believe the fox wanted to make a meal out of the little Penny the pig. Riley, my Rotweiller/Bull Terrier was not happy at the foxes loitering. Within a month I was in the hospital for a little over two weeks. During that time, the Fox came back. Long story short the Fox wasn’t sly enough to get past Riley, she had no part of it.

How do we get beyond the great deceiver? The Devil, Satan, was the first tricksy entity in the universe. Satan Morning Star was clever, sly, manipulative, and often got humans to make bad choices based on the wickedness of sin. Matthew 4:1 “Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.” As Christ was tempted by the Devil we know that we are not as careful or as infallible as Christ. We know that our temptations will not be as obvious and will often seem like good ideas at the time. 2 Corinthians 2:11 “So that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.” We study the Bible but we will still fall to Satan and we will sin. For us it’s not about if we sin, it’s about our knowingly, purposefully sinning. 1 John 3:8 “Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil.” We will sometimes walk down a path not realizing the path leads to sinning. This is because of how the Devil, how Satan operates. 2 Corinthians 11:14 “And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.”

We must have no fear of the Devil because we know how the war ends. We know that if we remain faithful to Christ, and we resist the Devil we will be free from the bondage of that sin. Revelation 12:9 “And the great dragon was thrown down, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world—he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him.” Satan will one day be thrown from the influence of man. Until that day, we must remain vigilant to outfox the fox. We must keep control of our own lives, and control our actions. We may not be able to control everything that happens, and make no mistake we are not in control, but the one thing we can do is control our own mouths, control our own actions, and fight the influences of the first sly fox. Fight against Satan, and do your best to make sure your Armor is tight, and protect your weak spots. Satan will try to find a gap in the Armor, Satan will try to break you down, and attack after attack he will attempt to chip away at you until you finally break and fall to that sin. Have faith and trust in the Lord, always.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It Ain’t How You Hit The Mat, It’s How You Get Up

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It Ain’t How You Hit The Mat, It’s How You Get Up

Sometimes in life, sometimes depending on who you are, you might feel like you’ve been hit and kicked an awful lot in your life. Someone once told me you can only get kicked so many times before you don’t want to get back up anymore. The person who told that to me means more to me then anyone else on the planet. She’s seen more then her fair share of hurt and suffering, and over the last few years she’s had way more then her fair share. It breaks my heart to see her suffering. Recently I was watching one of my favorite Netflix shows and in the show Matt Murdock and his dad are talking about his boxing career. One thing Jack Murdock was known for was how to take a punch. Is that the same for Christians? How well do we take the punch when we fall under attack by the Devils temptations? The song by Chumbawamba famous in it’s own right. Getting knocked down in life happens, but how we get back up defines us.

Tubthumper By: Chumbawamba

I get knocked down, but I get up again
You are never gonna keep me down

No matter the fight, the hits will come, and we know the greats within the Bible suffered the most. David persecuted and chased for 20 years a mark on his head bigger then the one for Han Solo. Jesus, well, we all know what happened to him. Paul, persecuted, tortured, shipwrecked, beaten, stoned twice, and he wrote some of the greatest books within the Bible. Job, well, Job had a sad story for sure, and yet he emerged victorious because of his faith to the Lord. What about our favorite comic book superhero’s? Pick the greatest of them and look into their back-story. Spiderman, lost his parents young, then his Uncle Ben was shot down on the street. His first real love, Gwen Stacy died awfully because he couldn’t save her. Batman, both parents killed as a child right in front of him. Matt Murdock, blinded as a child, and after a lifetime of training finally became Daredevil. Danny Rand, both parents killed, taken in by a bunch of hidden temple monks, beaten, and tortured as part of his training to eventually become the Iron Fist. Almost every superhero back-story will involve tons of pain and suffering.

For some people trauma can have a huge positive affect on their lives. This is of course after the trauma is faced and dealt with. In Psychology Today this is said “They found that, for many of these people, dealing with this trauma was a powerful spur for personal development. It wasn’t just a question of learning to cope with or adjust to negative situations; they actually gained some significant benefits from them. In Tedeschi and Calhoun’s terms, they experienced ‘positive life changes.’ They gained a new inner strength, and discovered skills and abilities they never knew they possessed. They became more confident and appreciative of life, particularly of the ‘small things’ that they used to take for granted. They became more compassionate for the sufferings of others, and more comfortable with intimacy, so that they had deeper and more satisfying relationships.” Some however have the opposite affect, and that they withdrawal, they become angry, they blame God, or disavow the existence of a higher power all together. The fact of the matter it doesn’t matter what the cause of the pain, it’s how we handle that will define us for the rest of the world to see. Do we want to be considered a strong, good person, or do we want to be considered weak and cruel?

 What does the bible say about getting back up? 2 Chronicles 15:7 “But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.” The good we do in the name of the Lord through our hearts and not for adulation will be brought back to us in the grace of the Heavens and we will be blessed for it. Galatians 6:9 “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” We don’t know how long our harvest will be, how long it will take to go through the fire, but we know, we are promised by God, our sufferings are not in vein. Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” When we are down and we feel like we just got the beating of a lifetime, that’s when we need to turn to God the most, that’s when we need to ask God to help us, take away the pain, help us through, because it’s in that pain that God wants us to be closer to Him, not draw back, not flee from God, but praise God, allow God to work in our lives, and show us our suffering isn’t for nothing.

No matter the pain, the hits, the suffering, the kicks, the fear, the attacks, God is always with us, we hurt, God hurts, we suffer, God suffers, and knowing our Savior is in the trenches with us fighting the fight, battaling to win the war, we can take comfort that in our greatest time of need God will provide, by gifts, but positive things, and sometimes the people put in our lives, but always in all things, God is with us, watching us, and loving us.

References:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/out-the-darkness/201111/can-suffering-make-us-stronger

Content with Weaknesses

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Content with Weaknesses

I’ve been pondering the sunrise and what it means to me. I’ve been pondering what I’m supposed to learn and what I’m supposed to do. I’ve been pondering why I’m here, and what this situation can teach me. I ask God for guidance, for blessings. I have come to realize in my so many years of living that the blessings I may have gotten are not necessarily blessings I’ve come to realize are actually good things for me. As I’ve questioned all of this and now I’m 1 week after surgery I find myself in a very different place then I have been in the past. I’ve been looking at my scars I’ve accumulated and it’s hard not to travel down memory lane.

One year ago I was on a trip that would ultimately change my life forever. It would start a turn of events that would forever change and alter life as I knew it. I would loose my wife, I would nearly loose my life, I would loose my job, I would eventually loose my home, and in the end my body would finally give up, and give out, and thus where I am 10 months later. As I now find myself living with my mother something that hasn’t been for 17 years. It’s a change to get used to for sure. As I’m sure there are reasons for everything that’s happened it’s difficult to take a step back from how different things are, the hope that things could go back, and even sometimes pray they would. As I’ve become more familiar with the change that’s going on around me, and even in my yearning to not give in to the ever changing life around me, I believe I’m finally starting to succumb to the change, and as parts of me are excited for the change, other parts hold onto the past.

As I am now stranded and not allowed to drive, I can’t lift, and bend, and stretch. I don’t have my things unpacked, and as I’m looking at the future, the 5 weeks I have left seem like an eternity. I find some things I once enjoyed doing, now seem like so much work or effort I can’t seem to put my finger on why I no longer feel the enjoyment I used too. I find myself missing things I once had that now seem like such a past memory that I’m forgetting the finer things in life.

For 10 years I lived my life with the comfort of a woman in my life. For 10 years I knew the touch of love, the smell of perfume, and the feel of soft lips on mine. Being single now since September and having absolutely no luck in the dating seen, the online dating seen, or anywhere in between, I find myself more and more frustrated. I can hear my pastor now, “you’ve got to learn to be comfortable with yourself, and in God’s time you will be knocked off your feet by the blessings you’ll get when it’s the right time, and when you AREN’T LOOKING FOR IT!” Yes, yes, I hear you.

I’m sure the good Lord has something planned for me, whether I know or understand it myself, and the truth is that’s the defining feature of faith. We may not ever see the direction, the plan, the lessons, but knowing they are there and knowing that God is in the drivers seat.

While I cannot for the life of me fully understand how my life’s taken such a turn to mirror Job’s life, I must remain in the faithful that my life will one day be restored to a glorious state that I can look back on this last year and hold it up as a bad dream. While we never know what the sunrise will bring, what we know is there’s a greater plan then what we could possibly ever know.

One thing I’ve been forced to see and something I’ve struggled with especially after the way in which my marriage ended was my own self worth, my own self-esteem, why was I not loveable, why was I disposable, expendable. For months after I questioned myself, I thought so poorly of myself the bottom of the barrel was actually looking pretty high. I’ve prayed day in and day out that somehow, someway, I’d be able to move forward. What I have wanted may not be what’s best for me, but as I fractured into two people 10 months ago, there’s the man that was the past, and the man that was the future. That fractured self has been at war, at odds now for all that time, and the war still rages on, an internal fight for the very future and when I look into the mirror I don’t know who I’m looking at anymore. I question God every day and in all that time I still haven’t come up with the answers I seek. Did I not love enough? Did I hold on to tightly? Did I give too many freedoms? Was I too trusting? What I not trusting enough? Did I just grow old and wasn’t important anymore? What would cause so many in my life to leave me high and dry, quit on me, and leaves? Looking at the math I’ve questioned how 415 Facebook friends, an entire church, several friendships from other jobs who either have nurse friends or are married to nurse’s who work in larger hospitals, yet with all my connections, and 10 months later on several dating apps and reaching out myself I find myself no closer to finding a date or anyone that a legitimate relationship would be possible. After so long and so many failures it’s easy to start to question ones self.

No matter how much we start to doubt ourselves there’s something we should remember. In all things remember 2 Corinthians 12:5-10 “5 On behalf of this man I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses—6 though if I should wish to boast, I would not be a fool, for I would be speaking the truth; but I refrain from it, so that no one may think more of me than he sees in me or hears from me. 7 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,[a] a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” Do not be prideful, do not be afraid to look in the mirror and smile at the creation God made. I have to believe that while I am alone now, and have been for a while, there’s a reason. I have to believe that God’s perfect plan is to make things better for me. No matter the fractured self, in time that fracture will mend, and the scars that are left behind, and there are scars, will be a reminder of the life of old, and the future that remains, a fresh canvas in which to pain a new work of art for the glory of God.

 

Throat Punch A Shark

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Throat Punch A Shark

Swimming in the ocean is a risky business. We’ve all seen some kind of shark movie, we’ve all seen the news and heard about the occasional shark attack. The great white shark is the greatest of predators of the oceans and perhaps the greatest in the entire world. Every single creature to include mankind is afraid of the great white. Although there are fewer attacks on humans by Great Whites than the Bull Shark, it’s undeniable that the Great White is not a force to be reckoned with. If we are to make a comparison the Devil, the serpent that slithered around the world to and fro, the lion searching for souls to devour the greatest hunter of all eternity, is more like a Shark that rises from the depths of darkness and attacks unsuspecting victims. The shark that attacks anything that appears to be pray is indiscriminant.

The Devil’s attacks come from the darkness of the world. The deep trenches of our souls that are littered with greed, lies, lust, selfish ambition, and even the more heinous of sins, murder, rape, abuse, all can be attributed to the evil that is brought out by the Devil. Power, the word itself gives birth to a platitude of mental pictures ranging from good, to pure evil in content. The Devil craves the power and thus takes the lives of anyone He can, of anyone that will fall pray to the attacks from the darkness. The shadow that falls over the land and allows a man to cheat on his wife, allows the man to murder his neighbor, allows a young girl to steal and lie to her parents, the drug dealer giving poison to kids, the sicko who kidnaps and tortures kids for years on end. All of this is the darkness that covers the whole of the earth, and if we aren’t careful it attacks us like a great white attacking a seal from the deep.

How do we defend against the shark of the deep? When we are floundering around the great big blue of the oceans of life, we can be easy pray for the Devil to try and devour us. The ocean can be a lonely place when you’re floating around unaccompanied, but even more when the sun goes down, and the blackness of the night, and abyss of the water turn terrifying. Picture yourself in a life raft, bouncing around on the waves and the small raft is bumped in the middle of the night. You can’t see the aggressor, but you are jolted from one side to another with each bump. The psychological warfare that ensues, every bump, every small splash in the water, what do you do when the psychological becomes physical? What do you do when the shark no longer taunts you, but instead starts to bite at the raft? What do you do when the shark starts to rip apart your only way to stay afloat and you’re in the water! The shark bumps you, rubs your leg, sizes you up, and you know and feel the attack is coming.

1 Peter 5:8-9 “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.” Even when we feel like we are the only one who is going through pain and suffering, when we feel like we are the ones in the vast ocean alone with no one around, we must realize that, that feeling is simply an illusion. When the shark tries to attack from below simply draw back your spiritual fist and punch that Devil Shark right in the throat. Throat punch that shark and watch it scurry away like a scared hyena being attacked by Mufasa. The Devil thrives in the darkness, so when we proclaim the name of Jesus, the light of the world, the Devil cannot remain. The Devil will try again and again to break you, to destroy you, to turn you into a weak little bunny. If we learned anything from the movie Zootopia, we know that even an unexpected little bunny can have more fight then that of a roaring lion. The key to fighting the Devil is never loosing sight of the real enemy. Never loosing sight of the fact that the Devil will try every which way to get in, every way to hurt you, to break your spirits. If you stand firm and you learn how to fight back, the Devil can’t beat you. Obviously if a real shark were attacking you, you don’t punch it in the throat, you actually punch it in the eyes, but who doesn’t like the idea of punching a shark in the throat. The best way to fight a spiritual war is to understand the enemy and understand the weapons at your disposal. Scripture is the best way for all of us to understand how to live our Godly walk, and how to fight the attacks from the deep.

No matter the attacks that come, keep fighting the fight, keep swimming along, and never loose sight of the bigger picture. Don’t let that shark sneak up on you and when it does, give it a nice tiger claw punch to the throat.

The Bullet

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The Bullet

The warm handle, the textured grip, the smooth trigger, and the textures of the Smith & Wesson he holds in his hand. He looks up to see his world crumbling in front of his very eyes. The true loves, the lies and beliefs gone up in smoke. Smoke is a funny term to describe the situation my friend was in. He holds the 9mm in his hand and waits till no ones in front of him. He looks down at the gun one last time, he watches himself lift the gun to his shoulder, and he takes a breath, and holds while he squeezes the trigger. The blood splatters away from the wound as he sees it gushing from the hole in his shoulder. The oxygen leaves his body quicker then an exhale. The scream in the distance is a loud shriek that would curdle anyone’s blood. The blood from his shoulder is warm, and thick as it coats his hand that’s trying to cover the hole. He starts to see dark, and the world around him fades away. Death he thinks is warm, and gentle. Slowly drifting to a new world. The females hand covers over his chest and his eyes close, he looses everything he knew. He didn’t recognize himself anymore, and as the bullet passed through his flesh, the fire washed away the old him, and a new person would be born.

He would claim to hear the voice of God in the ambulance. He would claim to have apologized for his mistakes, and God he claims forgave him and sent him back. He claims the voice was loud and thunderous and brought forth feelings of hope and terror at the same time. He gasped for air as the life returned to his body. The stabbing pain in his back was that of the ribs that had fractured by the bullets exit. He’d later find out that the severely deformed the 3rd rib, fractured the 2nd and damaged the 7th before it exited his shoulder blade. Along with the collar bone being chipped the bullet would leave shrapnel behind in the lung as it worked its way out. The bullet punctured the lung deflating it right away, which is why he lost consciousness so quickly. He would beg for death in the ambulance hoping to return to the warmth and peace he just felt. His request to die would go unheard as the valiant paramedics worked diligently to stop the bleeding. He would end up loosing 6/8 units of blood before the ER was able to stabilize his wounds.

The remainder of the night was a blur for him as visitors came in two at a time. He doesn’t remember much, just quick images, glimpses, vague memories somewhere between reality and imaginary. The pain he would feel during recover would have him begging for death. The morphine drip in his arm would get blocked for several hours and his pain levels would hit a 10 and stay there for hours. He’d beg for relief and the nurse kept telling him for over an hour he needed to breath, the problem was every breath he would take would be sharp stabs into his lungs, every rise and fall of his chest would beg for relief of unconsciousness. It was over an hour before the care team found the medication wasn’t working in the bloodstream.

The days after would leave him learning about himself. His actions would leave him questioning everything he knew about himself. He would spend the next several months combing over his bible, combing through scripture, learning about himself and Gods plan for him. He hopes to one day change the world and if not the world his only little corner of it.

Recently he would be reminded a few times over of his mistakes. The pain everyday would be a constant reminder of his mistakes. The truth that he survived and was forced to live with the images of his mistakes every single day, yet some people in his life would bring it up, remind him in hurtful ways regularly. James 5:16 “Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” The lack of faith from the people that used to care for him is the hardest part. The truth between good and evil, the truth between right and wrong, the truth between selfish and selfless is somewhere in between.

He’s asked me to pray for his life, his goal to reach out and stop this from happening to anyone else. He knows he can’t ever take it back, but he wants to at least right his wrongs. He created his own nightmares; his own demons when he pulled that trigger and he prays God will use him to prevent any tragedy from happening like this again.

“If you wanna make the world a better place,

Take a look at yourself and make a change,

Hooo” Michael Jackson/ Batman

Regret

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Regret

In our lives we make decisions that in hindsight weren’t so good. We also make great decisions that can change our lives forever. It’s the one moment where life has fallen apart around you, the moment you can’t see the next breath you take, you can’t take a single step forward, life has stopped and the world looks like it’s moving around you at near light speed. The moment when all hope is lost, and the decision you make seems like the right one, but what if there was a way to move that step forward, what if I told you there was hope, and there is a next breath, would that change your mind for the next catastrophe in your life?

For many veterans and civilians who’ve gone through trauma getting stuck in that moment is all too common. When we get stuck we go through our days only a shell of who we used to be. We eat, we work, we sleep, we may even contribute to the life around us, but we aren’t really there. The sludge of the weight of what we carry builds as we trek through the mud farther and farther. There will come a point when you have the black tar from your shoes up to your neck. At some point you won’t be able to move forward anymore. No matter what our event is, whether it’s the death of a loved one, the loss of a spouse, sexual assault, horrific car accident, fire, or even just a series of events that you have entered that hurts those around you. We often push away people we love because we don’t want them to see us in pain, we don’t want them to see us suffering. We push away to defend ourselves, and them, from potential damage. We don’t want to drag anyone down with us, and sometimes it’s because we just can’t see beyond our own pain.

Being pushed away by someone who’s going through a lot of pain is hard. Knowing you want to help, and feeling powerless is perhaps the most difficult position to ever be in. Seeing someone you care about in pain, seeing them walk down a dark path, and when all you want to do is take their pain away and shower them in love, yet you’re held away, and pushed and kicked out of their life, is heart breaking.

For each of our mistakes we see the other side of other peoples. When we know they are making a mistake all we can do is pray for them. All we can do is hope that one day they will turn around from the path they’re on and hopefully do so before anything to bad happens they can’t come back from. For me I gravitated to the song One Step Away by Casting Crowns:

 What if you could go back and relive one day of your life all over again
And unmake the mistake that left you a million miles away
From the you, you once knew
Now yesterday’s shame keeps saying that you’ll never get back on track
But what if I told you

You’re one step away from surrender
One step away from coming home, coming home
One step from arms wide open
His love has never let you go
You’re not alone
You’re one step away

It doesn’t matter how far you’ve gone
Mercy says you don’t have to keep running down the road you’re on
Love’s never met a lost cause
Your shame, lay it down
Leave your ghosts in the past ‘cause you know that you can’t go back
But you can turn around
You’ve never been more than

 We aren’t ever alone. This message goes out to my veteran brothers and sisters, we aren’t ever alone. We sit at home, we have the open bottle of beer or booze, and we seclude ourselves in the dark, thoughts screaming in our head. We can’t seem to get out of the way. This, is, torture. When we trained for war we trained as a team. When we get home we see that no one is there for us, no one understands, how could anyone, they weren’t there. The thing is, that’s all an elaborate lie by the Devil to separate us from the world, and break us down. It’s not true. There are plenty of other veterans out there struggling with their own replay of war. Something else I’ve learned is trauma is trauma no matter what kind. Sexual assault, loss of loved ones, fire, car accidents, none of that is exclusive to military. Sure firefights may be a bit more segregated, but that doesn’t mean people aren’t there for you. We have support groups, veterans groups, outreach programs, and so much more to help get us all back to a good healthy place.

We all have our regrets in life but one of the biggest battles we will ever face is facing those mistakes. Allowing ourselves to heal from them on the inside by forgiving ourselves, asking others to forgive us and showing true repentance for those mistakes. Philippians 3:13 “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but [this] one thing [I do], forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,” We must go forth to God and ask for forgiveness, but we also need to make it right, we need to attempt to right our wrongs. 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” One thing that I am reminded of is how easy it is to get off track. How often do we do a wrong based on how someone else wrongs us? We as Christians should hold ourselves to a higher standard, and not fall into the world expectations. We cannot allow the world to dictate how we react, or how we treat others. We mustn’t let the world tell us the lies we often feel when dealing with life’s tragedies. Isaiah 43:18-19 “18 Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, [and] rivers in the desert.” We cannot know what our tomorrow brings, and we cannot know what surprises will be waiting for us just around the next bend in the road.

In all things in our life we should move forward with kindness in our hearts, forgiveness isn’t something to be earned, it’s something to be given freely. We can’t hold our forgiveness hostage like some kind of ransom is required to give it. If we are to live like Christ we must learn that people are sinful, people hurt others, we hurt them, and forgiveness isn’t always rebuilding the relationship if it’s lost. Christ forgave humanity for our sins despite the awful things we as a collective whole did to Him. We were not only forgiven for past and current sins, but future sins we might face in the future. 2 Corinthians 7:10 “10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” When Judas betrayed Christ he could not get past his own grief and he took his own life by hanging. This is worldly sorrow. There is not repentance to be had, and no chance of redemption. We all Sin, we have make mistakes big and small. Even David a man of God’s own heart was not free from them. David was well known to be a fair man as a King, but he was a horrible husband and father. Psalm 51:1- 3 “51 Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. 3 For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.”

 No matter how far we’ve fallen, there is always a way back. Even when it’s adulatory or other forms of betrayal. Proverbs 6:32-34 “He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away. For jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare when he takes revenge.” A man shall not take revenge for himself, for revenge is not bringing harmony. Justice is for the Lord. Forgiveness is for man, asking for it, and giving it freely. Do not allow your life to come to the end and regret a multitude of things. Make right your wrongs, make right the harm you’ve cause, the pain you’ve inflicted. Seek forgiveness in others, beg for forgiveness of the Lord. Let go of your own pain, and do not carry that weight with you. If you continue to carry a weight like that around you cannot continue to God’s work when you have so much on your shoulders already. Allow God’s grace to fill you, let yourself see through God’s eyes, let yourself feel with God’s heart, and learn to let go of judgments, let go of your own sorrow. Do not allow yourself to be weighed down any longer.

We all have things in our life we wish we could take back, things we could change. We can’t ever retrieve something we’ve let slip from out mouths, undo an action, but we can attempt to make right what we’ve done. Don’t wait for tomorrow, start healing today. Let the weight of the world fall from your shoulders, and find a new way, a better way, a Godly way of dealing with life, and facing the trials ahead of you. Our way is never the way even if it’s easier sometimes the easy way isn’t the right way, sometimes the right way is the path less traveled. It’s our job as Christians to figure out the path God wants us to be on. When we don’t know the path to take we must turn to the scripture and pray about our path. Proverbs 18:13 “13 He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” Don’t make a decision without knowing as much of the facts as possible so be sure to not make foolish decisions. Don’t allow yourself to be fooled by fake or false information. Proverbs 18:15 “15 The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge.” When you think you know something, don’t be quick to pass judgement without gaining other perspectives and complete the story. Don’t take a story as true just on face value. Proverbs 18:15 “15 The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge.”

Knowing what to expect when problems comes up is one thing. Knowing how to respond is the second side of that coin. We must know that in our lives we will face problems, we will face trials, and in all of those trials we know that we must accept and rejoice in those times. James 1:2-4 “2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; 3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. 4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” If anyone out there is like me the WHY ME question comes up sometimes. We know that patience is something we all need more of, and in our trials we are often tasked with growing in our faith, draw closer to God and growing in patience. IF we learn how to respond to issues, we could very well have fewer regrets in our life. John 16:33“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” When standing on the beach of the ocean we do not stand with our backs to the waves (generally) because when the big one hits us we get knocked own. Instead we face the wave head on, and we brace for it. Knowing what Christ expects of us on how to handle our troubles, knowing how to handle heartbreak, and betrayals, we can minimize the damage and we can help prevent us from getting into as much trouble.

We won’t always make all the right choices all the time, we won’t always handle every situation the best we can, we are human, we are driven by sin nature, and thus we will undoubtedly make mistakes. It’s in those mistakes however we know how to seek forgiveness, and seek repentance when they do occur. It’s in those mistakes, those hardships that our true character is placed on display. We find out more about ourselves through our trials then when things are always a batch of roses. Just remember that even the prettiest of roses have thorns. Seek God for the answers to your troubles, and seek God to the direction of your path. You may not be able to get rid of regret, but you can minimize its impact.

 

 

No, I Don’t Wanna Do That!

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No, I Don’t Wanna Do That!

Children, we are big babies a lot of the time. We are often told we need to do something and we fuss and complain about doing it. Even when it’s the right thing to do, or something we absolutely must do. How often do we throw our adult temper tantrums, or find ways to silently protest the daunting task of being an adult? (Spoiler Alert Lego Batman) I was watching Lego Batman the other day and when Alfred tells Bruce he has to go to Commissioner Gordan’s retirement party Bruce throws this huge tantrum. He grumbally says “No, I don’t wanna do that!” He throws himself to the ground, screams No over and over as he makes his way to the stairs, flops up the stairs still screaming no, then starts to beatbox and ends with a resounding NO. Alfred sweetens the honey pot and Bruce agrees to go. See God’s not that way with us most of the time. When we tell God no I see God up in the celestial heavens and says “Excuse me?” “Okay, well you want to do it your way, we’ll see about that.” I see God as having a bit of a parental sense of humor. When we don’t want to do something he lets us do things the hard way, and eventually when we get to the point of everything going wrong, he slaps us behind the head and says ‘Okay ya big dummy, you going to do it my way now?” And of course we reply “Yes God. I’m sorry.”

What happens to us when we rebel against God? Lets first look at the first to do that. Satan tried to go against God. Isaiah 14:12-15 “How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! [how] art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!13 For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north:14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High.15 Yet thou shalt be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pit.” Satan was created by God as one of the Angels of Heaven, Lucifer Morning Star. The desires of Lucifer to lie and scheme were what caused Him to be cast from Heaven. John 8:44 “Ye are of [your] father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.” When we choose to sin, when we choose to rebel and go against our Father we are likened to Satan. Deuteronomy 28:47-48 “Because you did not serve the Lord your God with joyfulness and gladness of heart, because of the abundance of all things, therefore you shall serve your enemies whom the Lord will send against you, in hunger and thirst, in nakedness, and lacking everything. And he will put a yoke of iron on your neck until he has destroyed you.” God can and will take from us what we no longer deserve. Truly if the good things in our lives are gifts from our Father, and we are bad, doesn’t it fit that those good things will be taken away? In fact that very things happens and can be seen in Psalm 68:6 “God settles the solitary in a home; he leads out the prisoners in prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land.”

Proverbs 17:11 “An evil man seeks only rebellion, and a cruel messenger will be sent against him.” When we continue to go against God’s wishes for us, when we choose to turn our backs on God, when we choose to want the lusts of this world, and we choose to forsake everything we know, we can and will watch as the blessings we once had in our life are thrown away and when we realize what’s happening, usually it’s too late. Only when we repent of our sins, and attempt to right our wrongs will be again be blessed and life will be made right once again. Our Father isn’t mean, and He isn’t cruel, He just wants what’s best for us.

As I watched my own life fall apart I had to ask myself and evaluate what was I doing wrong? I believe two things happened in my life. First there were a few things I wasn’t doing according to Gods will. Second other people have free will and when they choose to sin sometimes we are just collateral damage. We must be careful with whom we associate with because if we are not we too may be caught in the crossfire. Choose your friends wisely and choose who you spend your time with, with more scrutiny. Godly friends and Godly counsel are the best choices in your life. If someone isn’t giving you advice from Scripture itself, chances are it’s a worldview and not one of Godly or Divine origin. The dangers of such advice are they will often lead you astray and cause you more harm. The only advice you will ever need is that what’s in scripture. Much like the film “The Skulls” they had a book with every contingency. Well, truthfully the Bible is our big book of guidelines and rules to live by. If we just read it and study it, we’d find that nearly everything we could think of today or deal with today at the root of any problem is talked about in the Bible. There truly is nothing new under the sun.