Tag: jesus

Content with Weaknesses

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Content with Weaknesses

I’ve been pondering the sunrise and what it means to me. I’ve been pondering what I’m supposed to learn and what I’m supposed to do. I’ve been pondering why I’m here, and what this situation can teach me. I ask God for guidance, for blessings. I have come to realize in my so many years of living that the blessings I may have gotten are not necessarily blessings I’ve come to realize are actually good things for me. As I’ve questioned all of this and now I’m 1 week after surgery I find myself in a very different place then I have been in the past. I’ve been looking at my scars I’ve accumulated and it’s hard not to travel down memory lane.

One year ago I was on a trip that would ultimately change my life forever. It would start a turn of events that would forever change and alter life as I knew it. I would loose my wife, I would nearly loose my life, I would loose my job, I would eventually loose my home, and in the end my body would finally give up, and give out, and thus where I am 10 months later. As I now find myself living with my mother something that hasn’t been for 17 years. It’s a change to get used to for sure. As I’m sure there are reasons for everything that’s happened it’s difficult to take a step back from how different things are, the hope that things could go back, and even sometimes pray they would. As I’ve become more familiar with the change that’s going on around me, and even in my yearning to not give in to the ever changing life around me, I believe I’m finally starting to succumb to the change, and as parts of me are excited for the change, other parts hold onto the past.

As I am now stranded and not allowed to drive, I can’t lift, and bend, and stretch. I don’t have my things unpacked, and as I’m looking at the future, the 5 weeks I have left seem like an eternity. I find some things I once enjoyed doing, now seem like so much work or effort I can’t seem to put my finger on why I no longer feel the enjoyment I used too. I find myself missing things I once had that now seem like such a past memory that I’m forgetting the finer things in life.

For 10 years I lived my life with the comfort of a woman in my life. For 10 years I knew the touch of love, the smell of perfume, and the feel of soft lips on mine. Being single now since September and having absolutely no luck in the dating seen, the online dating seen, or anywhere in between, I find myself more and more frustrated. I can hear my pastor now, “you’ve got to learn to be comfortable with yourself, and in God’s time you will be knocked off your feet by the blessings you’ll get when it’s the right time, and when you AREN’T LOOKING FOR IT!” Yes, yes, I hear you.

I’m sure the good Lord has something planned for me, whether I know or understand it myself, and the truth is that’s the defining feature of faith. We may not ever see the direction, the plan, the lessons, but knowing they are there and knowing that God is in the drivers seat.

While I cannot for the life of me fully understand how my life’s taken such a turn to mirror Job’s life, I must remain in the faithful that my life will one day be restored to a glorious state that I can look back on this last year and hold it up as a bad dream. While we never know what the sunrise will bring, what we know is there’s a greater plan then what we could possibly ever know.

One thing I’ve been forced to see and something I’ve struggled with especially after the way in which my marriage ended was my own self worth, my own self-esteem, why was I not loveable, why was I disposable, expendable. For months after I questioned myself, I thought so poorly of myself the bottom of the barrel was actually looking pretty high. I’ve prayed day in and day out that somehow, someway, I’d be able to move forward. What I have wanted may not be what’s best for me, but as I fractured into two people 10 months ago, there’s the man that was the past, and the man that was the future. That fractured self has been at war, at odds now for all that time, and the war still rages on, an internal fight for the very future and when I look into the mirror I don’t know who I’m looking at anymore. I question God every day and in all that time I still haven’t come up with the answers I seek. Did I not love enough? Did I hold on to tightly? Did I give too many freedoms? Was I too trusting? What I not trusting enough? Did I just grow old and wasn’t important anymore? What would cause so many in my life to leave me high and dry, quit on me, and leaves? Looking at the math I’ve questioned how 415 Facebook friends, an entire church, several friendships from other jobs who either have nurse friends or are married to nurse’s who work in larger hospitals, yet with all my connections, and 10 months later on several dating apps and reaching out myself I find myself no closer to finding a date or anyone that a legitimate relationship would be possible. After so long and so many failures it’s easy to start to question ones self.

No matter how much we start to doubt ourselves there’s something we should remember. In all things remember 2 Corinthians 12:5-10 “5 On behalf of this man I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses—6 though if I should wish to boast, I would not be a fool, for I would be speaking the truth; but I refrain from it, so that no one may think more of me than he sees in me or hears from me. 7 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,[a] a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” Do not be prideful, do not be afraid to look in the mirror and smile at the creation God made. I have to believe that while I am alone now, and have been for a while, there’s a reason. I have to believe that God’s perfect plan is to make things better for me. No matter the fractured self, in time that fracture will mend, and the scars that are left behind, and there are scars, will be a reminder of the life of old, and the future that remains, a fresh canvas in which to pain a new work of art for the glory of God.

 

Luke 4:18

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Luke 4:18

“18 The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,”

 No matter the state we find ourselves in, no matter the situation of the day, we know that the Lord is always with us. We know that in our walk we will face turmoil, we will face hardships that no man should ever see, we will see horrors and our lives will become nightmares of reality. The spirit, the holy ghost that fills the air with the presence of God. No matter what state I seem to find myself in, I am learning that my life seems to turn around when instead of complaining about it, I find someone I can preach the word too. While it doesn’t always make me feel better, it’s only a matter of time and things turn around for me.

Isaiah 61:1

“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;”

The truth that rings from the sweet sounds of scripture, are truth to pass through the ages. What was truth in the Old Testament is truth in the New. The truth is we will always have hardships, and as soldiers for Christ we will always be the targets of the Devils attacks. Sometimes the attacks on the most faithful, the strongest of soldiers are the most hurtful. Look at Job for instance. Here’s a man who was faithful to the Lord, refused to rebuke the Lord even when everything he knew was ripped away from him. I propose what we do in our times of trouble are to reach deep into the word and pull out something we can use for each individual situation.

Sometimes helping others allows us to put our own lives, our own problems into perspective. It’s hard to see the forest through the trees, and we don’t always make the right decisions while on the ground. From a birds eye view the path seems clear, but when you’re the one running the labyrinth it can be a dark, scary, lonely place. When we are down and alone, as hard as it is, try to remember as much as it hurts to be on your own, feel the Holy Spirit with you, around you, in you, and know that you aren’t alone. Some days it may be harder to feel then others, and some days when the bitter, icy cold sleet hits you in the face, know that the shelter from the storm is only a word away.

Luke the Jedi to take out the Empire fought the fight under insurmountable odds and with the Force on his side immerged victorious. With the Force of God on our side we may get knocked down and our hands my get cut off by an evil Sith Lord but we always learn to get back up, and even if we have to take a major plunge of faith, we can find a way out. The path out can be shown to us by the Holy Ghost but it may not be what we think is should or could be. The path we may be led to walk might be littered with thistles and thorns but we can always pull out our own lightsaber and cut away what’s in our way. Allow God to guide you, and you too can make a difference.

God, protect me oh my Lord, give me the strength and guidance to continue to do good works. Allow me the strength to carry on and continue to fight the wiles of the devil. Give me the words to write, the message to spread, and continue to bless my family and me.

Throat Punch A Shark

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Throat Punch A Shark

Swimming in the ocean is a risky business. We’ve all seen some kind of shark movie, we’ve all seen the news and heard about the occasional shark attack. The great white shark is the greatest of predators of the oceans and perhaps the greatest in the entire world. Every single creature to include mankind is afraid of the great white. Although there are fewer attacks on humans by Great Whites than the Bull Shark, it’s undeniable that the Great White is not a force to be reckoned with. If we are to make a comparison the Devil, the serpent that slithered around the world to and fro, the lion searching for souls to devour the greatest hunter of all eternity, is more like a Shark that rises from the depths of darkness and attacks unsuspecting victims. The shark that attacks anything that appears to be pray is indiscriminant.

The Devil’s attacks come from the darkness of the world. The deep trenches of our souls that are littered with greed, lies, lust, selfish ambition, and even the more heinous of sins, murder, rape, abuse, all can be attributed to the evil that is brought out by the Devil. Power, the word itself gives birth to a platitude of mental pictures ranging from good, to pure evil in content. The Devil craves the power and thus takes the lives of anyone He can, of anyone that will fall pray to the attacks from the darkness. The shadow that falls over the land and allows a man to cheat on his wife, allows the man to murder his neighbor, allows a young girl to steal and lie to her parents, the drug dealer giving poison to kids, the sicko who kidnaps and tortures kids for years on end. All of this is the darkness that covers the whole of the earth, and if we aren’t careful it attacks us like a great white attacking a seal from the deep.

How do we defend against the shark of the deep? When we are floundering around the great big blue of the oceans of life, we can be easy pray for the Devil to try and devour us. The ocean can be a lonely place when you’re floating around unaccompanied, but even more when the sun goes down, and the blackness of the night, and abyss of the water turn terrifying. Picture yourself in a life raft, bouncing around on the waves and the small raft is bumped in the middle of the night. You can’t see the aggressor, but you are jolted from one side to another with each bump. The psychological warfare that ensues, every bump, every small splash in the water, what do you do when the psychological becomes physical? What do you do when the shark no longer taunts you, but instead starts to bite at the raft? What do you do when the shark starts to rip apart your only way to stay afloat and you’re in the water! The shark bumps you, rubs your leg, sizes you up, and you know and feel the attack is coming.

1 Peter 5:8-9 “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.” Even when we feel like we are the only one who is going through pain and suffering, when we feel like we are the ones in the vast ocean alone with no one around, we must realize that, that feeling is simply an illusion. When the shark tries to attack from below simply draw back your spiritual fist and punch that Devil Shark right in the throat. Throat punch that shark and watch it scurry away like a scared hyena being attacked by Mufasa. The Devil thrives in the darkness, so when we proclaim the name of Jesus, the light of the world, the Devil cannot remain. The Devil will try again and again to break you, to destroy you, to turn you into a weak little bunny. If we learned anything from the movie Zootopia, we know that even an unexpected little bunny can have more fight then that of a roaring lion. The key to fighting the Devil is never loosing sight of the real enemy. Never loosing sight of the fact that the Devil will try every which way to get in, every way to hurt you, to break your spirits. If you stand firm and you learn how to fight back, the Devil can’t beat you. Obviously if a real shark were attacking you, you don’t punch it in the throat, you actually punch it in the eyes, but who doesn’t like the idea of punching a shark in the throat. The best way to fight a spiritual war is to understand the enemy and understand the weapons at your disposal. Scripture is the best way for all of us to understand how to live our Godly walk, and how to fight the attacks from the deep.

No matter the attacks that come, keep fighting the fight, keep swimming along, and never loose sight of the bigger picture. Don’t let that shark sneak up on you and when it does, give it a nice tiger claw punch to the throat.

The Healing Begins

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The Healing Begins

As the last week has taught me tomorrows plan is nothing more then an idea. An idea that until the steps begin, the plan is nothing more then faint belief that we actually have control to stick to the plans. A neck brace and painkillers are the highlights of my day. As I begin to settle in to my new dwelling, I watch as one of my dogs goes round after round with a particularly brave, or stupid cat, I haven’t figured out which one yet. I have no idea what my new plan is, or what I’m going to do, but 6 weeks is a long time. 6 weeks before I can drive myself again, and 6 months before I’m back up to lifting strength, and that’s when the hard work will begin. I will have to find a way to get by in all these months without the use of my arms and back I’ve grown so accustomed to. When someone tells you, you will loose the use of something you use all the time, it doesn’t hit you right away, it takes time, it slowly seeps into your mind, and then when you need it, when there’s something you feel you have to do, but can’t, that’s when reality smacks you square in the dumbfounded face.

In retrospect I suppose I knew this day was coming. 7 years ago when my C7 disc bulged the first time and doctors told me I was looking at a fusion surgery then, I built up the idea of surgery for years prior, and now that it’s come I am finding this isn’t what I had in mind. I never anticipated being displaced from my home, being separated from my life, and watching as everything I knew and loved had been torn away, ripped apart, and set on fire. We never fully understand what we are or where we are going, but having faith in a God, the God, our God, that in the perfection of the light, the plan that has been set forth in front of us, albeit treacherous and full of toils at times, is designed to shape us, train us, forge us from the babies we start off being, to soldiers in a war that has been going on long before us, and last on far after we return to the dust. Being a soldier takes months of training, and sometimes longer. Being a soldier for Christ takes years of hardships, of biblical study, and maybe after we’ve learned much, seen a lot, endured hell, then perhaps we have grown enough in our faith to actually teach and preach towards those who need it the most.

A few months back I wrote a blog about love, and responsibilities as an adult Christian and what it means. “It means giving up that piece of yourself that must be in control, that must be held on to in order to protect yourself from harm.” (Arrow Preacher, Pass On What You Have Learned) Healing begins when you learn to love, and allow that love to be the deciding factor on how we treat others. We must learn to let go of the anger, the frustrations, and allow ourselves to be filled by the love of the Holy Spirit. The truth is in positivity, and even towards plans you make is has an affect. The natural energies of the universe producing the aura around us, invokes love or destruction. Find love in the places least likely to find it, even if it means you are the one that plants it there. In all things the greatest of things is Love greater then hope, and faith. Let God fill you, be your light in the darkness, and when all hope seems lost, remember love is the key, and when the seeds are planted with love what you plant shall grow and flourish.

 

Get to the point

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Get to the point

Trust in all things the Lord is with you. Believe that in everything good and bad God is with you. Trust that each trial each test the teacher is always watching. The pull of the dark side is strong and the promises of the world that doing it the worlds way is more fun, is okay because it feels good.

Proverbs 4:14 “Enter not into the path of the wicked, and go not in the way of evil men.” We may not always see the consequences of our actions, of our sin but they are there. We may not always know the wrongs in front of us, but when we don’t listen to the wise Godly counsel we fall into a whole new level of problems. Proverbs 12:15 “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.” No matter how far we fall or go off course we can take comfort knowing that we will be forgiven for our transgressions. We will be forgiven for the mistakes we make.

I had someone tell me once that they needed to live their life the way the best saw fit. That they needed to know they could do it alone. The thing is with all of this trouble we aren’t alone. Proverbs 14:12 There is a way which seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death” In the grand scheme of life what’s the point? Is the feathers of an arrow the most important part, the shaft of the arrow, nope that’s not it either. The point, the bladed arrowhead that pierces through armor, that draws the blood, pierces the locks that hide the truth from the world, the arrowhead that drives home the point. Christ is the way, the only way, and it’s in that, that we must draw strength. The integral parts of the arrow cannot work without the others. It’s way it flies, the way it pierces, the point of this has always been, the word of God.

The truth is only important if it’s spread around and told to others. The truth cannot be denied as the truth, but can only be accepted as the truth so long as others hear it. The truth as only learned by one is not affective. Yes the saving of one life is worth everything, but if we can save the lives of more we should.

Walk away from the lies of the world, walk away of the sinful desires, the wishes of a sinful soul. Do not fear the light, do not fear the sun, yet turn your back on Satan, and follow the true path. Realize the darkness inside and cast out the demons that mean to distract you, to take you away from God. Be the point of the arrow and drive home the meaning, the mission. Do not fear for the Lord our God is with you. Always have hope, and help will always be there to those who ask for it.

The Daily Broken

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The Daily Broken

As I sit in the ER finding the news about my bulged disc in my neck, looking at a likely surgery, I find Gods timing to be both ironic and pleasant. The pain in the simplest of tasks like breathing makes sleep a dream and the painful reality a nightmare. The shooting pains into my lungs every deep breath I take are like knives being twisted each inhale, and with every exhale the knife inches it’s way further in.

Any motion of my body causes more shooting pains and causes an uncomfortable feeling that makes sitting still the only reasonable option to the excruciating pain I feel during the slightest of movements now.

Just another test, one right after another, and like David for the 15 years of war, and Job before him, rest will come when it’s time. My trials may continue and my pain and tears may too, but one day when the time’s right, God will bless me.

Every sunrise is a chance to wipe away the sins and mistakes of yesterday. To start new and a chance to right the heading when you’re so far off course. God doesn’t care about our yesterday. Take out that compass of salvation and follow it straight to God, do it today. Don’t wait to right your wrongs we never know how much time we have to do that.

The crashing of the waves that drown me fills my lungs with water, the gasping for air as if being crushed by life. One thing I’ve learned in 9 months of therapy. Saying stuff like ‘it could always be worse’ downplays the struggles someone is going through. I realize it’s an attempt to place some things in perspective, but sadly usually that method does more harm then good and always shuts the door on communication.

When looking at the event and actually measuring the level of emotion to the event, saying stuff like it could be worse, actually tells the person that the emotional turmoil a legitimate problem causes is not important. Furthermore, if someone is legitimately taking active steps to help solve the problem validation is actually the best way to help. Validation and brainstorming actual possible solutions to the problem is what’s needed to help when the world seems too much to bear.

We all as people require some kind of validation and when we are going through troubles we wish people would understand us, sympathize and emphasize with that pain. No matter what life throws at us we must have faith Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” If we take our time to grieve and know that in every time there is a time to feel all these things, we must also remember that in John 14:1-4 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God;[a] believe also in me. 2 In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?[b] 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. 4 And you know the way to where I am going.” As humans we are all bent, some are broken, but it’s a constant struggle sometimes to stay afloat. The loneliness we may sometimes feel, the weight and crushing waves we often undergo is the evolution of our lives.

I think something that has become taboo, a common misconception is that to be Christian means we don’t let things bother us, and we are able to always run with stride. No matter the faith you have there are times when life may do damage and get you down. There’s no faith on the planet that can prevent depression that can prevent hardships or trauma. The faith we have in Christ to be with us in the midst of the storm is the one promise we know that is kept. I believe that even though hearing that voice of God can be hard and sometimes nearly impossible when the storms at it’s worst, God is still with us every second of every day. God only wants for us to love and cherish Him and to be there always for others and ourselves. I’ve heart this sentiment many times and I keep the faith that when my time comes I’ll be able to continue to stand tall in the storms, and let life takes it’s natural progression without hurting myself or others as I find myself terrified and uncertain about God’s path for me. Allow yourself to meditate in the quiet of God’s presence, and allow yourself to quiet your mind, and lay self down and focus on God, the glory of all that we do and how it lifts up the name of Christ in our actions.

While every single day is a new day to try and reinvent yourself, to treat every day like it’s a new opportunity for us to teach and preach, to glorify God. It’s also an opportunity for the Devil to do His work against you too. Every day is a battlefield full of decisions good and bad. Every day is a convergence of millions of choices by millions of people, which affect our every minute. The forces of nature in this cosmic battlefield can work for us, and they can work against us. The choices we make every day cannot only affect our own futures, but those for others. The hope we can make our choices in the midst of bad things, horrible events and have each of those choices bring glory to God and have each of our decisions be pleasing to the Father. We may not always get it right, we may not always do or say the right things, but when we wrong, when we do things that aren’t right, we must try to make up for the bad things we do by fixing them, doing anything possible to right our wrongs. The life we live may not always go how we want, we may have broken bodies, broken spirits, but when we are lost and battered turn to the Father of all things and the giver of life and give thanks and praise. Fight the evil around you, and inside you. Fight for what’s right and have the faith to let God guide you to the truth and just.

Living with memories that hurt us, living with the constant reminders of events, of failures, of hurt and pain, knowing that those pains, and those instances of suffering are just training to allow us to help others in need. Those who can endure and press on have a responsibility to show those who struggle how to push forward.

The Pain

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The Pain

The morning comes as the first text alert sounds off. It’s like a bugle announcing to the world that the suns come up again and the second his eyes open, the suffering begins. The stab starts at the shoulder and resonates like electricity straight down the arm into the fingertips. The tingling of a limb that’s half numb, half live wire. The slightest move the pain spikes to a 9, the deepest of sighs the sting goes across his back and the pain causes every muscle along the way to tense and tighten up. The perpetual sting and shock over and over again becomes exhausting. The years of pain that comes and goes like wolves in the night, predators that stalk it’s pray, lurking around the shadows and striking it’s pray dragging it down to the ground for it’s gruesome bloody kill.

The things that were once easy are now a daily challenge. The lifting of a drink to my mouth now brings fear of dropping it to the floor. What once was strong and sure is now weak and uncertain. The breaking of ones body, the degradation of body is drowning the last vestige of hope. The fight for ones soul lies with the last stand of men at Minas Tirith. The fate of the world rests all it’s hope on a pair of hobbits and a ring. The battle for Minas Tirith only buys time for the real fight. The battle every day we face, the breaking of our bodies, the enemies growling at our doors, the loves of our life being ripped away, our hopes, our dreams, everything we’ve always wanted on this earth ripped away, the battle at the wall. The races of men stand firm to withstand the full onslaught of Sauron’s army. The odds were certainly not in the favor of the race of men, 200,000 verses less then 15,000 before the oathbreakers arrived. Some days it feels like we are always on the defensive, some days it feels like we are outnumbered. Doesn’t it feel like the battle continues and the casualty count keeps piling up and the reinforcements are nowhere to be found?

The dangers of constant attacks is the hardening of ones heart. How do we remain kind, and gentle when the world beats us to the ground over and over and is unrelenting? It’s easy to be angry, and it’s easy to hate, it’s easy to push people away when you fear loosing them, or when you fear hurting them, or worse, to stop them from hurting you. Ecclesiastes 7:9 “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” God doesn’t want us to fall to the Tempter. Go forth Jesus said, John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” Matthew 28:19 “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:” This world will give no peace, this world will offer no respite from attacks. This world will beat you to the ground and will continue to do so from the day of your birth, to the day you are called home. It’s not for man, neither you, nor me, to allow anger to dictate the terms within our lives. James 1:20 “because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” We are told and called to love our neighbors to include our enemies.

Job’s family was murdered, then his livelihood in his land and cattle where destroyed, then the servants, then the rest of his family. When Satan wasn’t satisfied he approached God again and God was pleased with Job, and Satan struck Job with sickness, boils from toes to head. Even as Job held his dying wife she told him to Curse God and die with her. He did not; he did not sin with his lips. After loosing everything he owned, his entire family, and then his health, his friends turned their backs on him. His friends vial and cruel to him in his time of need. God blessed Job for his faithfulness. God restored Job and all the pain and suffering Job endured was not for nothing.

We must understand the rules of the game. From childhood we are shown fairytales where the princess and prince live happily ever after. We are shown movies where the good guy gets the girl in the end. The fact is, our bodies will fail us. Our worldly desires, the things we may love, the product of our good works no matter how faithful we are can always be taken away. The fact is the world we live in isn’t ours. The world we live in is a lie told to us to lure us into a false sense of security. The world is that of Satan. He owns this world because this is a world of Sin, of fallen grace. There are no rules. There’s no fair play. Satan dropped the gloves a long time ago and fights bare knuckles to do as much damage along the way as he can. The end game for Satan is to prevent you from staying in graces with God. Satan’s end game is to pull you from God, deal enough pain to force you to acquiesce and give up on your faith.

We may go through periods in our life where we mirror Job, and sometimes our lives are that of Job. Sometimes our entire life is a battlefield in which we take one hit after another, never ending, a no relenting force that just keeps coming. Sometimes we are attacked because we are of the strongest of God warriors and sometimes it’s to test our faith, to allow us to come to God with our toils. However you are being tested and forged in fire, know that you too can be a sword tempered in steel and forced to undergo the heat and the beating of iron and fire. What kind of sword will you be on the battlefield? Will you be one that cracks under the pressure of constant hits, or will you remain strong, remain resolute in your enduring faith. Never give up hope for the suffering of this world albeit long is in fact only temporary, and that’s the faith we must have to ensure our future within tomorrow is secure in heaven, the eternity of peace and love.

 

 

 

 

 

The Green Meadow

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The Green Meadow

The sound of water flowing is a peaceful pillow to close your eyes too. The smell of the meadow sweet and slightly bitter of the grass fills your senses. The bright of the cloudless day overhead, only shadows are from the nearby trees. The sun radiates on your skin, the warmth, the touch of that light, the heat that fills your entire body reminds you you’re alive, the day is high, and the joy that the sun brings is one that is rarely felt. The joy of the sun is only matched by the joy of a kiss. Not just any kiss however, the kiss, the kiss that feels like you’re touching a live wire, the one that sends electricity throughout your entire body, the one that feels like a static charge in your hips, your arms, your very soul. The joys that one kiss brings, the joy of the kiss, and the heat, the joys that feeling are unmatched by anything else.

When you feel warmth and the joys of life, the gifts from God are not to be underestimated. The breeze that provides the slight relief to makes the sun bearable. The joys and gifts given to by God are much like the sun, much like the warmth and the breeze. If we do not understand those gifts, if we take those gifts for granted we may miss the point. The hope we feel day to day and the warm meadows we find ourselves in, we must understand that when we misunderstand, misuse our gifts from God, they can and will be taken away from us.

As some who destroy lives are also given gifts of pleasure, those gifts are those of the Devil to keep the lie going. We ask how so many who do so wrong are happy. That happiness is an illusion that God will eventually right the wrongs when the time is right. All these things, the puzzle pieces that are put together will fit when God deems they fit. The grassy meadow our piece, our joy, can turn to burned ash in a moments notice. The fighter inside tells me to fight for the just, protect those who are weak, fight for the injustice, and never give up being one of Gods warriors. Find peace in the butterfly, the beauty of a spider’s web, the snores of a favored dog, the sounds of the chirping crickets. Quiet your mind and hear the sounds of the wonders of the world around you. Trust in love of God and marvel in His glory.

The Bullet

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The Bullet

The warm handle, the textured grip, the smooth trigger, and the textures of the Smith & Wesson he holds in his hand. He looks up to see his world crumbling in front of his very eyes. The true loves, the lies and beliefs gone up in smoke. Smoke is a funny term to describe the situation my friend was in. He holds the 9mm in his hand and waits till no ones in front of him. He looks down at the gun one last time, he watches himself lift the gun to his shoulder, and he takes a breath, and holds while he squeezes the trigger. The blood splatters away from the wound as he sees it gushing from the hole in his shoulder. The oxygen leaves his body quicker then an exhale. The scream in the distance is a loud shriek that would curdle anyone’s blood. The blood from his shoulder is warm, and thick as it coats his hand that’s trying to cover the hole. He starts to see dark, and the world around him fades away. Death he thinks is warm, and gentle. Slowly drifting to a new world. The females hand covers over his chest and his eyes close, he looses everything he knew. He didn’t recognize himself anymore, and as the bullet passed through his flesh, the fire washed away the old him, and a new person would be born.

He would claim to hear the voice of God in the ambulance. He would claim to have apologized for his mistakes, and God he claims forgave him and sent him back. He claims the voice was loud and thunderous and brought forth feelings of hope and terror at the same time. He gasped for air as the life returned to his body. The stabbing pain in his back was that of the ribs that had fractured by the bullets exit. He’d later find out that the severely deformed the 3rd rib, fractured the 2nd and damaged the 7th before it exited his shoulder blade. Along with the collar bone being chipped the bullet would leave shrapnel behind in the lung as it worked its way out. The bullet punctured the lung deflating it right away, which is why he lost consciousness so quickly. He would beg for death in the ambulance hoping to return to the warmth and peace he just felt. His request to die would go unheard as the valiant paramedics worked diligently to stop the bleeding. He would end up loosing 6/8 units of blood before the ER was able to stabilize his wounds.

The remainder of the night was a blur for him as visitors came in two at a time. He doesn’t remember much, just quick images, glimpses, vague memories somewhere between reality and imaginary. The pain he would feel during recover would have him begging for death. The morphine drip in his arm would get blocked for several hours and his pain levels would hit a 10 and stay there for hours. He’d beg for relief and the nurse kept telling him for over an hour he needed to breath, the problem was every breath he would take would be sharp stabs into his lungs, every rise and fall of his chest would beg for relief of unconsciousness. It was over an hour before the care team found the medication wasn’t working in the bloodstream.

The days after would leave him learning about himself. His actions would leave him questioning everything he knew about himself. He would spend the next several months combing over his bible, combing through scripture, learning about himself and Gods plan for him. He hopes to one day change the world and if not the world his only little corner of it.

Recently he would be reminded a few times over of his mistakes. The pain everyday would be a constant reminder of his mistakes. The truth that he survived and was forced to live with the images of his mistakes every single day, yet some people in his life would bring it up, remind him in hurtful ways regularly. James 5:16 “Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” The lack of faith from the people that used to care for him is the hardest part. The truth between good and evil, the truth between right and wrong, the truth between selfish and selfless is somewhere in between.

He’s asked me to pray for his life, his goal to reach out and stop this from happening to anyone else. He knows he can’t ever take it back, but he wants to at least right his wrongs. He created his own nightmares; his own demons when he pulled that trigger and he prays God will use him to prevent any tragedy from happening like this again.

“If you wanna make the world a better place,

Take a look at yourself and make a change,

Hooo” Michael Jackson/ Batman

I Need A Hero

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I Need A Hero

Holding Out For A Hero : Bonnie Taler

Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?
Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need

[Chorus:]
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ’til the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ’til the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life

 

 

So, here’s a fun fact about me, I suffer from white knight syndrome. I want to feel like I am useful, and when I see someone I care about in distress I have an almost uncontrollable urge to swoop in and save the day. I have had many loved ones, many friends in serious need, but I often find myself left feeling my efforts went unnoticed. Romans 15:1-2 “We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.” We who are strong can be used by God to do great things. We are called to lift up our neighbors in time of need. This is even more evident for the ones we care about. John 11:41-44 “41 Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead was laid. And Jesus lifted up his eyes, and said, Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me. 42 And I knew that thou hearest me always: but because of the people which stand by I said it, that they may believe that thou hast sent me. 43 And when he thus had spoken, he cried with a loud voice, Lazarus, come forth. 44 And he that was dead came forth, bound hand and foot with graveclothes: and his face was bound about with a napkin. Jesus saith unto them, Loose him, and let him go.” Jesus was very fond of Lazarus, and he did something uniquely special, he raised someone from the dead, someone he cared for deeply.

 

No matter where we are in our lives we can always be a hero to someone. If you looked someone in the eyes would you see their pain? What can you offer someone that might help them? A hello, a friendly hug, a couple bucks of spare change to help out, a card to show them you’re thinking about them? There’s so many little ways you can show someone you care. Why, just a few days ago I made a mindfulness glitter jar for someone I loved. It’s small, it doesn’t take a lot of time or effort, but it’s the thought and effort that does go into it that means a lot. While I received a thank you for it, it almost seemed empty, but the fact is, that doesn’t matter. If we do things for validation we’ll always be let down. Being validated by man is only a worldly validation. Doing the right things and knowing that the things you do are pleasing for God, that’s the only validation you should ever need in your life. You can’t go through your life constantly disappointed in your lack of validation. People will never be as thankful as you want, or even see you for the effort you put in, however, God will always see what’s in your heart. You have to do good because it’s the right thing to do, you can’t do good because you want to be recognized for it. You must learn to let go of the worldly need for acceptance and realize that the Father in Heaven is all you will ever need. Doing things for the betterment of the world, and for the glory of God is the true meaning of being a Hero. Who are you going to be?