The Pain

The Pain

The morning comes as the first text alert sounds off. It’s like a bugle announcing to the world that the suns come up again and the second his eyes open, the suffering begins. The stab starts at the shoulder and resonates like electricity straight down the arm into the fingertips. The tingling of a limb that’s half numb, half live wire. The slightest move the pain spikes to a 9, the deepest of sighs the sting goes across his back and the pain causes every muscle along the way to tense and tighten up. The perpetual sting and shock over and over again becomes exhausting. The years of pain that comes and goes like wolves in the night, predators that stalk it’s pray, lurking around the shadows and striking it’s pray dragging it down to the ground for it’s gruesome bloody kill.

The things that were once easy are now a daily challenge. The lifting of a drink to my mouth now brings fear of dropping it to the floor. What once was strong and sure is now weak and uncertain. The breaking of ones body, the degradation of body is drowning the last vestige of hope. The fight for ones soul lies with the last stand of men at Minas Tirith. The fate of the world rests all it’s hope on a pair of hobbits and a ring. The battle for Minas Tirith only buys time for the real fight. The battle every day we face, the breaking of our bodies, the enemies growling at our doors, the loves of our life being ripped away, our hopes, our dreams, everything we’ve always wanted on this earth ripped away, the battle at the wall. The races of men stand firm to withstand the full onslaught of Sauron’s army. The odds were certainly not in the favor of the race of men, 200,000 verses less then 15,000 before the oathbreakers arrived. Some days it feels like we are always on the defensive, some days it feels like we are outnumbered. Doesn’t it feel like the battle continues and the casualty count keeps piling up and the reinforcements are nowhere to be found?

The dangers of constant attacks is the hardening of ones heart. How do we remain kind, and gentle when the world beats us to the ground over and over and is unrelenting? It’s easy to be angry, and it’s easy to hate, it’s easy to push people away when you fear loosing them, or when you fear hurting them, or worse, to stop them from hurting you. Ecclesiastes 7:9 “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” God doesn’t want us to fall to the Tempter. Go forth Jesus said, John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” Matthew 28:19 “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:” This world will give no peace, this world will offer no respite from attacks. This world will beat you to the ground and will continue to do so from the day of your birth, to the day you are called home. It’s not for man, neither you, nor me, to allow anger to dictate the terms within our lives. James 1:20 “because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” We are told and called to love our neighbors to include our enemies.

Job’s family was murdered, then his livelihood in his land and cattle where destroyed, then the servants, then the rest of his family. When Satan wasn’t satisfied he approached God again and God was pleased with Job, and Satan struck Job with sickness, boils from toes to head. Even as Job held his dying wife she told him to Curse God and die with her. He did not; he did not sin with his lips. After loosing everything he owned, his entire family, and then his health, his friends turned their backs on him. His friends vial and cruel to him in his time of need. God blessed Job for his faithfulness. God restored Job and all the pain and suffering Job endured was not for nothing.

We must understand the rules of the game. From childhood we are shown fairytales where the princess and prince live happily ever after. We are shown movies where the good guy gets the girl in the end. The fact is, our bodies will fail us. Our worldly desires, the things we may love, the product of our good works no matter how faithful we are can always be taken away. The fact is the world we live in isn’t ours. The world we live in is a lie told to us to lure us into a false sense of security. The world is that of Satan. He owns this world because this is a world of Sin, of fallen grace. There are no rules. There’s no fair play. Satan dropped the gloves a long time ago and fights bare knuckles to do as much damage along the way as he can. The end game for Satan is to prevent you from staying in graces with God. Satan’s end game is to pull you from God, deal enough pain to force you to acquiesce and give up on your faith.

We may go through periods in our life where we mirror Job, and sometimes our lives are that of Job. Sometimes our entire life is a battlefield in which we take one hit after another, never ending, a no relenting force that just keeps coming. Sometimes we are attacked because we are of the strongest of God warriors and sometimes it’s to test our faith, to allow us to come to God with our toils. However you are being tested and forged in fire, know that you too can be a sword tempered in steel and forced to undergo the heat and the beating of iron and fire. What kind of sword will you be on the battlefield? Will you be one that cracks under the pressure of constant hits, or will you remain strong, remain resolute in your enduring faith. Never give up hope for the suffering of this world albeit long is in fact only temporary, and that’s the faith we must have to ensure our future within tomorrow is secure in heaven, the eternity of peace and love.

 

 

 

 

 

The Green Meadow

The Green Meadow

The sound of water flowing is a peaceful pillow to close your eyes too. The smell of the meadow sweet and slightly bitter of the grass fills your senses. The bright of the cloudless day overhead, only shadows are from the nearby trees. The sun radiates on your skin, the warmth, the touch of that light, the heat that fills your entire body reminds you you’re alive, the day is high, and the joy that the sun brings is one that is rarely felt. The joy of the sun is only matched by the joy of a kiss. Not just any kiss however, the kiss, the kiss that feels like you’re touching a live wire, the one that sends electricity throughout your entire body, the one that feels like a static charge in your hips, your arms, your very soul. The joys that one kiss brings, the joy of the kiss, and the heat, the joys that feeling are unmatched by anything else.

When you feel warmth and the joys of life, the gifts from God are not to be underestimated. The breeze that provides the slight relief to makes the sun bearable. The joys and gifts given to by God are much like the sun, much like the warmth and the breeze. If we do not understand those gifts, if we take those gifts for granted we may miss the point. The hope we feel day to day and the warm meadows we find ourselves in, we must understand that when we misunderstand, misuse our gifts from God, they can and will be taken away from us.

As some who destroy lives are also given gifts of pleasure, those gifts are those of the Devil to keep the lie going. We ask how so many who do so wrong are happy. That happiness is an illusion that God will eventually right the wrongs when the time is right. All these things, the puzzle pieces that are put together will fit when God deems they fit. The grassy meadow our piece, our joy, can turn to burned ash in a moments notice. The fighter inside tells me to fight for the just, protect those who are weak, fight for the injustice, and never give up being one of Gods warriors. Find peace in the butterfly, the beauty of a spider’s web, the snores of a favored dog, the sounds of the chirping crickets. Quiet your mind and hear the sounds of the wonders of the world around you. Trust in love of God and marvel in His glory.

The Bullet

The Bullet

The warm handle, the textured grip, the smooth trigger, and the textures of the Smith & Wesson he holds in his hand. He looks up to see his world crumbling in front of his very eyes. The true loves, the lies and beliefs gone up in smoke. Smoke is a funny term to describe the situation my friend was in. He holds the 9mm in his hand and waits till no ones in front of him. He looks down at the gun one last time, he watches himself lift the gun to his shoulder, and he takes a breath, and holds while he squeezes the trigger. The blood splatters away from the wound as he sees it gushing from the hole in his shoulder. The oxygen leaves his body quicker then an exhale. The scream in the distance is a loud shriek that would curdle anyone’s blood. The blood from his shoulder is warm, and thick as it coats his hand that’s trying to cover the hole. He starts to see dark, and the world around him fades away. Death he thinks is warm, and gentle. Slowly drifting to a new world. The females hand covers over his chest and his eyes close, he looses everything he knew. He didn’t recognize himself anymore, and as the bullet passed through his flesh, the fire washed away the old him, and a new person would be born.

He would claim to hear the voice of God in the ambulance. He would claim to have apologized for his mistakes, and God he claims forgave him and sent him back. He claims the voice was loud and thunderous and brought forth feelings of hope and terror at the same time. He gasped for air as the life returned to his body. The stabbing pain in his back was that of the ribs that had fractured by the bullets exit. He’d later find out that the severely deformed the 3rd rib, fractured the 2nd and damaged the 7th before it exited his shoulder blade. Along with the collar bone being chipped the bullet would leave shrapnel behind in the lung as it worked its way out. The bullet punctured the lung deflating it right away, which is why he lost consciousness so quickly. He would beg for death in the ambulance hoping to return to the warmth and peace he just felt. His request to die would go unheard as the valiant paramedics worked diligently to stop the bleeding. He would end up loosing 6/8 units of blood before the ER was able to stabilize his wounds.

The remainder of the night was a blur for him as visitors came in two at a time. He doesn’t remember much, just quick images, glimpses, vague memories somewhere between reality and imaginary. The pain he would feel during recover would have him begging for death. The morphine drip in his arm would get blocked for several hours and his pain levels would hit a 10 and stay there for hours. He’d beg for relief and the nurse kept telling him for over an hour he needed to breath, the problem was every breath he would take would be sharp stabs into his lungs, every rise and fall of his chest would beg for relief of unconsciousness. It was over an hour before the care team found the medication wasn’t working in the bloodstream.

The days after would leave him learning about himself. His actions would leave him questioning everything he knew about himself. He would spend the next several months combing over his bible, combing through scripture, learning about himself and Gods plan for him. He hopes to one day change the world and if not the world his only little corner of it.

Recently he would be reminded a few times over of his mistakes. The pain everyday would be a constant reminder of his mistakes. The truth that he survived and was forced to live with the images of his mistakes every single day, yet some people in his life would bring it up, remind him in hurtful ways regularly. James 5:16 “Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” The lack of faith from the people that used to care for him is the hardest part. The truth between good and evil, the truth between right and wrong, the truth between selfish and selfless is somewhere in between.

He’s asked me to pray for his life, his goal to reach out and stop this from happening to anyone else. He knows he can’t ever take it back, but he wants to at least right his wrongs. He created his own nightmares; his own demons when he pulled that trigger and he prays God will use him to prevent any tragedy from happening like this again.

“If you wanna make the world a better place,

Take a look at yourself and make a change,

Hooo” Michael Jackson/ Batman

I Need A Hero

I Need A Hero

Holding Out For A Hero : Bonnie Taler

Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?
Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need

[Chorus:]
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ’til the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ’til the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life

 

 

So, here’s a fun fact about me, I suffer from white knight syndrome. I want to feel like I am useful, and when I see someone I care about in distress I have an almost uncontrollable urge to swoop in and save the day. I have had many loved ones, many friends in serious need, but I often find myself left feeling my efforts went unnoticed. Romans 15:1-2 “We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.” We who are strong can be used by God to do great things. We are called to lift up our neighbors in time of need. This is even more evident for the ones we care about. John 11:41-44 41 Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead was laid. And Jesus lifted up his eyes, and said, Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me. 42 And I knew that thou hearest me always: but because of the people which stand by I said it, that they may believe that thou hast sent me. 43 And when he thus had spoken, he cried with a loud voice, Lazarus, come forth. 44 And he that was dead came forth, bound hand and foot with graveclothes: and his face was bound about with a napkin. Jesus saith unto them, Loose him, and let him go.” Jesus was very fond of Lazarus, and he did something uniquely special, he raised someone from the dead, someone he cared for deeply.

 

No matter where we are in our lives we can always be a hero to someone. If you looked someone in the eyes would you see their pain? What can you offer someone that might help them? A hello, a friendly hug, a couple bucks of spare change to help out, a card to show them you’re thinking about them? There’s so many little ways you can show someone you care. Why, just a few days ago I made a mindfulness glitter jar for someone I loved. It’s small, it doesn’t take a lot of time or effort, but it’s the thought and effort that does go into it that means a lot. While I received a thank you for it, it almost seemed empty, but the fact is, that doesn’t matter. If we do things for validation we’ll always be let down. Being validated by man is only a worldly validation. Doing the right things and knowing that the things you do are pleasing for God, that’s the only validation you should ever need in your life. You can’t go through your life constantly disappointed in your lack of validation. People will never be as thankful as you want, or even see you for the effort you put in, however, God will always see what’s in your heart. You have to do good because it’s the right thing to do, you can’t do good because you want to be recognized for it. You must learn to let go of the worldly need for acceptance and realize that the Father in Heaven is all you will ever need. Doing things for the betterment of the world, and for the glory of God is the true meaning of being a Hero. Who are you going to be?

 

Throat punched

Throat punched
So as I sit here with my neck in a brace, when I talk not only do I sound it, I feel like I’ve been throat punched. Yes that’s what happens when you have surgery. But let me tell you. I couldn’t be more lucky. Gods grace and perfect timing all the time. 
There were complications in surgery. My disc ruptured and fluid went into my spinal column. They cleaned it up but I needed to be closely watched. There may have been some hematoma around my incision. 
Thankfully the rupture was found and didn’t do permanent damage. In all the CT’s, the risky MRI (because of shrapnel in my lung) not one of these scans showed the disk had ruptured. As I’m not a doctor I cannot obviously speak clearly of the dangers of that fluid where it doesn’t belong. But I do know it’s BAD! 
Because Gods perfect in His timing and love everything went well even with the complications. Even the new raspier voice I have just plays into effect when I wear the mask. All things considered I’m pretty darn happy. 
Yesterday I couldn’t squeeze my ball and now I can squeeze it with all my might and it’s beautiful. I can walk with my head held high and arms swinging. Gods touched my body through the hands of my surgeons and have given me my life back. I may have some troubles the rest of my life but for now, it seems all of that is within acceptable limits. 
Believe in the power of prayer and love. From the prayer shawl I received from my church, the love of my Associate Pastor, my mom, and everyone near and far that prayed for me before during and after my surgery. All this prayer I have felt the reward. I know I live on to fight the Devil for another day. 
For you all wary souls like my one was, take heart knowing the Lord of all the wonders of this world is with you, right there suffering your sufferings. Believe and know the faithful, the just, the kind, will be rewarded. We may not always say or do the right things to one another but we must know it and apologize for it. Own up to our mistakes and ask for the forgiveness we should. 
Stay connected to God and be blessed by his touch. God bless all of you! 

Glory

Glory 
My heart is torn, it’s broken and battered. I try and fight I try to stand tall and continue fighting but days like today when I feel I can’t take anymore, a reminder of Gods plan and how it can shape our future in an instant reminded me that nothing in the future is set till it happens. 
Faith in the Lord above isn’t always easy. In times we are at our lowest the moment of truth often comes quick and when we least expect it. Do we choose the path of God, trust in him even when we can’t see path. We must learn to trust in the Lord even when that path seems full of dangerous vipers, scorpions, pitfalls, and other dangerous traps. Faith in God isn’t for the easygoing, it can be tough even for the most devout. But keep fighting the fight because Glory last forever. 

The Improvised

The improvised 
Sitting here in the ER alone as I’ve sent mom home to rest, gather supplies, and get ready for the long day, I find myself pondering what I guess most people ponder when looking at a life altering surgery. Who are my loved ones, who cares who doesn’t? Is my Will complete and dang did I leave the stove on? I am reminded of so many one liners but I’ll spare all of you the boring repartee and just know that I haven’t forgotten about my avid readers. I may be out for the day, but as long as I have a phone I’ll still work my guru magic and post something. 
While I was here I was able to doodle a little something and while it’s not finished because as you’ll all see I’m no artist, I haven’t lost sight of my goal. I will continue to work on my ministries and with Gods grace continue to touch lives. So as I get ready for what looks so far to be surgery, back surgery it is. While the surgeons are deliberating and I’m going on almost 24 hours awake, I’m reminded of some bible verses. 
1 Peter 1:6-7 “6 Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: 7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:”
Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.”
We may have setback and we may have plans that go off the rails but even in the darkest of days the brightest of flowers may still bloom. 

Starting the day, Ending the day 

Starting the day, Ending the day 

You wake up one morning and the day starts off all wrong. Murphy’s law kicks in and everything that can go wrong does? Perhaps that’s an exaggeration but I know you get the picture. So a little while ago one night I only got a few hours of sleep before I had to get up and head to work. I knew I didn’t feel well and before I got to work on my hour drive my stomach started to do summersaults. When I got to work I realized I didn’t have my badge to get myself in. Upset stomach and at least 40 minutes before I could get into the building I was miserable. I felt awful. I could start feeling beads of sweat on my forehead. I honestly felt like I was going to pass out, and I started feeling sick to my stomach. Thankfully all that eventually worked out and I started to feel better. But, of course the day I feel awful is the day that everything’s going on. Several meetings, a complaint, packages, and all the while I just want to return to my bed.

The day continued on, and I received a phone call from an unexpected source. I hesitated to decide what to do with it. Eventually I reached out to the caller. That’s when my entire day started to change. The air changed, and I had no idea how much my life would change by the end. When I got home I knew I needed to work out a problem so I called each one of my credit cards and asked for a $200 increase to cover an unexpected bill that came up. Sadly, each of them declined the increase. Over the last year the battle for a medical bill with the VA, and other unfortunate financial situations may have damaged my credit a great deal. Finances and biblical teaching on them is another blog for another time. I had no idea what I was going to do, or how I was going to pay that bill, and I needed to figure it out in less then an hour.

I went to dinner and my guest actually picked up the tab. Dinner was my idea, but they were very gracious to pay for it. We talked and as the conversation continued to grow, I could feel the work ahead to that particular relationship was going to be both heartbreaking and rewarding at the same time. Either way, talking was a positive direction I couldn’t do anything else but praise God. The day would continue to have a few positive surprises. The unexpected bill was only half of what originally thought so the extra coverage on the credit card wasn’t actually needed. The conversation continued for a while and it seemed positive albeit full of pain, it was still better then not at all.

By the end of the day I felt as if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. The future was still unclear as ever, but it was clear that God was working in my life, and allowing things to happen that would set a new path. We must continue to have faith in what we can’t see and understand that our path is never set in stone. One thing I’ve learned though is no matter how long the storm last no matter how long it rains, no matter how wet we are, God’s right there beside us looking up to the storm clouds. I recently heard a song for the first time by Casting Crowns; Praise you in this storm

 I was sure by now, God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away,
Stepped in and saved the day.

 I was sure by now, God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away,
Stepped in and saved the day.

 I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone how can I carry on
If I can’t find you

 No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

 This is only small cut of that song, but you can see how powerful the lyrics are. I have often felt like the cloud was following me day-to-day, month-to-month, but even as the storm rages on around me and in my heart, God’s always there with us. Isaiah 43:2When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.” The faith to truly walk with the Lord and cast our fears and doubts aside is not an easy road and it’s one few will walk. To truly trust in the lord to see us through, to give up the fear and doubt and disbelief is something most will never manage to achieve. The truth is though a God that created the heavens and the earth, a God that created such a perfect creation, that same God that can cast down plagues, can also provide great comfort and ease the suffering of the sick. Psalm 91:1-6 “He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day; Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.” In our battles we will be protected by God’s shield, the Angels Wings, we shall have light in the night to scare away the things that creep in the dark. We will have the protection we need because that protection is promised to the faithful. We will undergo tribulations, but in those trials the protection of the lord can give up to the hopeless, give peace to the restless.

In all things God is in the trenches with us. In those time where we just barely escape unharmed, or we realize a situation could have been worse, or we start to see the blessings, the beautiful things that remain even in the most dismal of situations, we see signs everywhere we look that God is still with us. The Apostle Peter was imprisoned and one night an Angel visited him in the cell and placed him in a trance. The Angel had Peter follow as each gate was opened and each guard was removed from the path to have a clear exit from the prison. Acts 12:5-17

We may not get the Angel treatment every day, but I’m sure everyone myself included has felt the presence of one before.

September 12th 2004 the mission started bright and early. The convoy departed and as my Humvee was second in line it was game time. The plan went off the rails less then 10 minutes into it. The IED (Improvised Explosive Device) would be sure to change that. Without going into the whole story the important part was when the bullet first hit my door and both hands flung to the steering wheel the calm that came over me, the peace, the reassurance that things were going to be fine was undeniable. The RPG’s fired; the countless IED’s the sheer number of insurgents guiding us through an elaborate ambush none of them would make a solid hit to do enough damage to stop either of the two Humvee’s involved. The wings of an Angel were protecting us, the hands of the Angel was guiding my hands to keep up and go where I needed to, to avoid being struck by a direct impact from an RPG, take too much damage from bullets, or even a devastating IED to stop the truck. We took a great deal of damage, no fluids where left in the engine except gas, 3 of 4 tires were blown out by bullets and RPG shrapnel, power steering was gone, but despite all the bullets to the engine we still kept running, right up till my foot came off the gas after we reached safety. As soon as we were towed into the base and we were able to get out of the Humvee the realization of what just happened hit me. I felt like Peter during the jailbreak, in a daze, not fully away, but aware of what was going on around me. I was calm, at peace, confident in my actions. Facing over 100 insurgents and taking that much damage the odds were not in our favor, yet we managed to overcome them anyway, and made it out alive.

I love movies where the odds are so bad, so unrealistic that even the main characters things their chances are bad, but reading scripture and seeing how often the odds weren’t in the victors favor yet God was with them I realize that Odds are just that Odds, that’s not a sure thing, and it doesn’t predict the outcome. We will never be able to know for sure how our day will go after it starts. Even in the most trying of times and the worst of days, it only takes an instant to turn all that around. God has a plan, God’s working on the plan even when we can’t or don’t see it. The faith we need to get through our day is that of trust in what we can’t see. Hebrews 11:6 “But without faith [it is] impossible to please [him]: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and [that] he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” No matter what our day looks like we must trust that in the right time the faithful shall be rewarded. Luke 1:37For with God nothing shall be impossible.” It’s in that time we must understand that we don’t’ have to understand. Proverbs 3:5-6Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” Praise God for answered and unanswered prayers. We must have faith in and out of the storms. We must understand that the puzzle isn’t complete and we see only a piece at a time. The future can be so much more then we can ever imagine if we trust that our future will be what God wants it to be if we trust in Him.

 

 

 

 

 

Love Unconditional

Love Unconditional

I’ve been putting a lot of thought into the word love. What does it mean to love something? When we think of love we think of our parents, siblings, closest friends, but we also think of our favorite show, our favorite food, our favorite pass time activity. The truth is in our society today the word just gets tossed around flippantly. The truth is, I think love is something that when we loose the object of our affection it breaks us apart inside. When we are dating in school we often throw the word around love and sure I don’t want to downplay those emotions, but the proof is in the pudding, often times that’s just puppy love and something we get over pretty quick once it’s gone. True love however is something a little more difficult to come by. The Bible has a pretty air tight description of love, and when we look at our lives, and we compare it to this, the comparisons are often going to leave you realizing, maybe it’s not love after all. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 “4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.” Now I know what you’re thinking, yes I am talking about love, and yes so is 1 Corinthians. “Charity is the epitome of perfection in the Christian life. It is the “greatest” of the three abiding virtues” (http://www.learnthebible.org/charity-or-love.html) If we look at the definition of love, and compare it to what we say to others, are we actually in line with scripture, or just a word we use because we don’t know anything better to say?

Lets make it easier to understand a little. When you look at 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[a] it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” How often in our own lives do we drudge up mistakes our partner made 2 years ago? How often do we hold a grudge, and for how long? How often do we love but only so long as we are worldly happy? There is so much in our lives today that draw us away from love. So much today that we don’t understand, but if we go to Scripture, if we study, we can finally unravel the strongest of lies, and the strongest of truths. John 15:13 13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Jesus, Jesus laid down His perfect life as a perfect blemish less, sinless man that chose to be tortured, ridiculed, and murdered for us, for every single last one of us that in no way by our daily actions deserve such grace and mercy. The truth is, that’s LOVE. When we think about that kind of love, makes what we say about love look silly. How often do we see now in our world today divorce is a cancer on our society, and it runs unchecked destroying homes left and right. We see marriage as expendable, as an option that so long it benefits me, so long as I am getting something out of it, I’ll stay married. THE QUESTION I ASK TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU, WHAT ARE YOU GIVING IN YOUR MARRIAGE? If we look a little deeper we see what the definition of love is, we see what is says in John, but what about husbands and wives? Ephesians 5:25 “25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,” Yes that means you are supposed to love your wives so much that you sacrifice unconditionally to her. You sacrifice yourself to give her everything she needs. Note I said need, not want. The difference between need and want is an entirely separate blog.

Husbands, need to sacrifice worldly things, worldly desires, worldly distractions for his wife. Ephesians 5:22-24 “22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Many people look at this section of scripture and scoff, and I really question why that is. I get the feminist movement, and women can do anything a man can do and all that stuff, and that’s great, but the truth is, women and men aren’t the same. We are wired differently in the brains, we have different strengths and weaknesses, and this isn’t talking about slavery this is talking about letting go of ones worldly self. Letting go of the fleshy desires, and allowing yourself to be completely taken in by your husband. As the husband loves the wife as he died for us, so shall the husband die for his wife. Think about this, when we get married, we often think of it as the old ball in chain, the tying of the knot, the end or death of an era. Well, in some parts yes, that’s exactly what it is. But if we look at death as a bad thing, a negative thing, sure we will be going into that marriage under negative premise and then that’s where the problems start to set in. Death is a glorious thing, a wonderful thing, because as a Christian we believe that death of us is the gateway to an eternal life of perfection and love. If we are to truly love our wives, love our husbands we must allow the old part of us to die off. Think of love and marriage like a butterfly. The caterpillar is you before you get married. The marriage is the cocoon. When you emerge married that fuzzy old caterpillar is gone, fundamentally changed into a beautiful creature no longer bound to crawl around, but to soar, to fly, to be a wonder of nature.

How wonderful it would be if we actually saw marriage that way. How wonderful it would be if we as a people were able to see ourselves and combining our selves into one body and actually selflessly giving up our selves and wanting only to please our partner. To those who are struggling in your marriages, I offer this, in all things God can heal, and with work, and saying it a hundred times, a thousand times, I forgive you, forgive the wrongs your partner has done. Remember the way you felt the day you got married and realize if both of you, if both the Husband and the Wife learn to forgive, learn to accept, learn to change because marriage is a fundamental change. You are no longer you, you become y’all. When we loose sight of the togetherness, the us in the marriage and we start to focus on the me, start to focus on the what does Arrow Preacher want, we loose sight of the (what) can I do for my spouse? What can I do to bring happiness to my beloved today? Human greed is one of the strongest sins to pull us back into the world, but two are stronger then one. Pouring of sand of two different colors into a jar that sand can never be completely separated. There’s reason sand if often used in marriage ceremonies. It’s a constant visual reminder that once together, you shall never break apart, bonded into one entity, one jar, and as rope is stronger when woven together, so shall you be stronger when you come to realize the true definition of love, the true understanding of what Scripture is talking about, and let go of your worldly sins, those desires that draw you away from your spouse. The Devil wants to break up marriage because he’s been doing it since the beginning. Marriage was the plan, for man to not be alone, and he knows that separated the divide and concur makes for an easier target. Don’t take the bait. Don’t allow Satan to ruin your union. Fight back, and fight for each other.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Regret

Regret

In our lives we make decisions that in hindsight weren’t so good. We also make great decisions that can change our lives forever. It’s the one moment where life has fallen apart around you, the moment you can’t see the next breath you take, you can’t take a single step forward, life has stopped and the world looks like it’s moving around you at near light speed. The moment when all hope is lost, and the decision you make seems like the right one, but what if there was a way to move that step forward, what if I told you there was hope, and there is a next breath, would that change your mind for the next catastrophe in your life?

For many veterans and civilians who’ve gone through trauma getting stuck in that moment is all too common. When we get stuck we go through our days only a shell of who we used to be. We eat, we work, we sleep, we may even contribute to the life around us, but we aren’t really there. The sludge of the weight of what we carry builds as we trek through the mud farther and farther. There will come a point when you have the black tar from your shoes up to your neck. At some point you won’t be able to move forward anymore. No matter what our event is, whether it’s the death of a loved one, the loss of a spouse, sexual assault, horrific car accident, fire, or even just a series of events that you have entered that hurts those around you. We often push away people we love because we don’t want them to see us in pain, we don’t want them to see us suffering. We push away to defend ourselves, and them, from potential damage. We don’t want to drag anyone down with us, and sometimes it’s because we just can’t see beyond our own pain.

Being pushed away by someone who’s going through a lot of pain is hard. Knowing you want to help, and feeling powerless is perhaps the most difficult position to ever be in. Seeing someone you care about in pain, seeing them walk down a dark path, and when all you want to do is take their pain away and shower them in love, yet you’re held away, and pushed and kicked out of their life, is heart breaking.

For each of our mistakes we see the other side of other peoples. When we know they are making a mistake all we can do is pray for them. All we can do is hope that one day they will turn around from the path they’re on and hopefully do so before anything to bad happens they can’t come back from. For me I gravitated to the song One Step Away by Casting Crowns:

 What if you could go back and relive one day of your life all over again
And unmake the mistake that left you a million miles away
From the you, you once knew
Now yesterday’s shame keeps saying that you’ll never get back on track
But what if I told you

You’re one step away from surrender
One step away from coming home, coming home
One step from arms wide open
His love has never let you go
You’re not alone
You’re one step away

It doesn’t matter how far you’ve gone
Mercy says you don’t have to keep running down the road you’re on
Love’s never met a lost cause
Your shame, lay it down
Leave your ghosts in the past ‘cause you know that you can’t go back
But you can turn around
You’ve never been more than

 We aren’t ever alone. This message goes out to my veteran brothers and sisters, we aren’t ever alone. We sit at home, we have the open bottle of beer or booze, and we seclude ourselves in the dark, thoughts screaming in our head. We can’t seem to get out of the way. This, is, torture. When we trained for war we trained as a team. When we get home we see that no one is there for us, no one understands, how could anyone, they weren’t there. The thing is, that’s all an elaborate lie by the Devil to separate us from the world, and break us down. It’s not true. There are plenty of other veterans out there struggling with their own replay of war. Something else I’ve learned is trauma is trauma no matter what kind. Sexual assault, loss of loved ones, fire, car accidents, none of that is exclusive to military. Sure firefights may be a bit more segregated, but that doesn’t mean people aren’t there for you. We have support groups, veterans groups, outreach programs, and so much more to help get us all back to a good healthy place.

We all have our regrets in life but one of the biggest battles we will ever face is facing those mistakes. Allowing ourselves to heal from them on the inside by forgiving ourselves, asking others to forgive us and showing true repentance for those mistakes. Philippians 3:13 “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but [this] one thing [I do], forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,” We must go forth to God and ask for forgiveness, but we also need to make it right, we need to attempt to right our wrongs. 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” One thing that I am reminded of is how easy it is to get off track. How often do we do a wrong based on how someone else wrongs us? We as Christians should hold ourselves to a higher standard, and not fall into the world expectations. We cannot allow the world to dictate how we react, or how we treat others. We mustn’t let the world tell us the lies we often feel when dealing with life’s tragedies. Isaiah 43:18-19 “18 Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, [and] rivers in the desert.” We cannot know what our tomorrow brings, and we cannot know what surprises will be waiting for us just around the next bend in the road.

In all things in our life we should move forward with kindness in our hearts, forgiveness isn’t something to be earned, it’s something to be given freely. We can’t hold our forgiveness hostage like some kind of ransom is required to give it. If we are to live like Christ we must learn that people are sinful, people hurt others, we hurt them, and forgiveness isn’t always rebuilding the relationship if it’s lost. Christ forgave humanity for our sins despite the awful things we as a collective whole did to Him. We were not only forgiven for past and current sins, but future sins we might face in the future. 2 Corinthians 7:10 “10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” When Judas betrayed Christ he could not get past his own grief and he took his own life by hanging. This is worldly sorrow. There is not repentance to be had, and no chance of redemption. We all Sin, we have make mistakes big and small. Even David a man of God’s own heart was not free from them. David was well known to be a fair man as a King, but he was a horrible husband and father. Psalm 51:1- 3 “51 Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. 3 For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.”

 No matter how far we’ve fallen, there is always a way back. Even when it’s adulatory or other forms of betrayal. Proverbs 6:32-34 “He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away. For jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare when he takes revenge.” A man shall not take revenge for himself, for revenge is not bringing harmony. Justice is for the Lord. Forgiveness is for man, asking for it, and giving it freely. Do not allow your life to come to the end and regret a multitude of things. Make right your wrongs, make right the harm you’ve cause, the pain you’ve inflicted. Seek forgiveness in others, beg for forgiveness of the Lord. Let go of your own pain, and do not carry that weight with you. If you continue to carry a weight like that around you cannot continue to God’s work when you have so much on your shoulders already. Allow God’s grace to fill you, let yourself see through God’s eyes, let yourself feel with God’s heart, and learn to let go of judgments, let go of your own sorrow. Do not allow yourself to be weighed down any longer.

We all have things in our life we wish we could take back, things we could change. We can’t ever retrieve something we’ve let slip from out mouths, undo an action, but we can attempt to make right what we’ve done. Don’t wait for tomorrow, start healing today. Let the weight of the world fall from your shoulders, and find a new way, a better way, a Godly way of dealing with life, and facing the trials ahead of you. Our way is never the way even if it’s easier sometimes the easy way isn’t the right way, sometimes the right way is the path less traveled. It’s our job as Christians to figure out the path God wants us to be on. When we don’t know the path to take we must turn to the scripture and pray about our path. Proverbs 18:13 13 He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” Don’t make a decision without knowing as much of the facts as possible so be sure to not make foolish decisions. Don’t allow yourself to be fooled by fake or false information. Proverbs 18:15 “15 The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge.” When you think you know something, don’t be quick to pass judgement without gaining other perspectives and complete the story. Don’t take a story as true just on face value. Proverbs 18:15 15 The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge.”

Knowing what to expect when problems comes up is one thing. Knowing how to respond is the second side of that coin. We must know that in our lives we will face problems, we will face trials, and in all of those trials we know that we must accept and rejoice in those times. James 1:2-4 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” If anyone out there is like me the WHY ME question comes up sometimes. We know that patience is something we all need more of, and in our trials we are often tasked with growing in our faith, draw closer to God and growing in patience. IF we learn how to respond to issues, we could very well have fewer regrets in our life. John 16:33“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” When standing on the beach of the ocean we do not stand with our backs to the waves (generally) because when the big one hits us we get knocked own. Instead we face the wave head on, and we brace for it. Knowing what Christ expects of us on how to handle our troubles, knowing how to handle heartbreak, and betrayals, we can minimize the damage and we can help prevent us from getting into as much trouble.

We won’t always make all the right choices all the time, we won’t always handle every situation the best we can, we are human, we are driven by sin nature, and thus we will undoubtedly make mistakes. It’s in those mistakes however we know how to seek forgiveness, and seek repentance when they do occur. It’s in those mistakes, those hardships that our true character is placed on display. We find out more about ourselves through our trials then when things are always a batch of roses. Just remember that even the prettiest of roses have thorns. Seek God for the answers to your troubles, and seek God to the direction of your path. You may not be able to get rid of regret, but you can minimize its impact.