It’s Time To Come Back

It’s Time To Come Back

Truth be told I’ve felt like I’ve been gone for a long time. I feel like I’ve been trapped in a solitary cell for months. I have felt disconnected for months from everyone. The voices are heard everyday, and even responses flow from between my lips, but I dare say my hearts not been in it. I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, but alas, months later and I still don’t know. Despite writing for months, and having a third of a notebook full of future blog posts, I’ve not put fingers to the keyboard to write very much. One major issue is the homework I’ve had, and when I’m not doing that or volunteering at church, or volunteering with the EChaps, I just want to sit down and do nothing. I suppose that’s not surprising but the truth is, wading in the stagnant water I feel I’ve become old and no longer relevant. I’ve gotten into buying stuff on a fairly regular basis. The excitement and the endorphins when I get to open something new, and oogle at it for a while, but the high wares off quickly, and I’m back on Amazon searching for something new I just gotta have. Truth is, I’m masking a lot of what’s going on deep down with stuff in my life. The more I try to squeeze my way into a group the more I feel alone. The more I try to reach out and make new friends, I feel alone. I have not been in scripture as much these days without my everyday blog post. It could be that I was with Jesus so often and so long every day the short while each day isn’t as much as I was used too, and I long for it. If I’m spewing more truth from my fingertips and my tiny little brain, I’d say I am extraordinarily lonely. I don’t really do well in large crowds, but the one on one I long for just isn’t there. The guys from my old Job are not around much anymore. The social group I used to spend time with seems to be largely dissolved and has left me back where I started so many years ago, on the couch, with my phone and a computer. I tried to get into a group at church but nothing’s filled out. I started spending time with the youth and thought the adults there would be a good group to get to know, and at the same time get to know the kids. While part of that has and is currently happening, getting to be apart of the regular adult group has left much to be desired. I think I’m liked and respected, but that’s not the same as being accepted as a friend. 

Recently I received an open invitation from my best friend to go to lunch after church on Sunday’s, but somehow I feel like I’m intruding. I feel like I’m an outside trying to squeeze my way into a family unit that’s been a family for over a decade. I don’t think it’s far from the truth. So all this said, I have no idea what to do with myself. I have no idea where to go from here, and I long for Rg to come here and start our life together. I feel like my life’s in this long overdue holding pattern. I remember when I was in Iraq in a C-130 flying over Baghdad, when there was a storm on the ground we’d have to circle for a while for the storm to move on. Life has been that way for a while for me, flying in circles not gaining any ground in my life, just waiting above it all for the storm to pass. Well, I am sad to announce, I’m still in a holding pattern. 

Yesterday something strange happened to me. I was at Walmart with my mother (which is no where near strange), but she was approached by a women who claimed to know her from about 3-4 years ago. She claimed mom prayed with her at Church when she was in need. Listening to the women’s story about what’s been going on, and her struggles as of late. At the end of the discussion I offered (being the chaplain) to pray for her and her situation. When we got home Mom asked me if I felt weird praying in the middle of Walmart openly like that. I told her had it been a few years prior it would have been very weird for me, but these days it doesn’t feel weird at all. I supposed when I take a minute to think about it, I guess that’s growth. With all my Bible lessons complete through church, my classes in college that required scriptural uses, and with such a little bit of time working on my blog, I feel like I haven’t been moving forward or growing in my spiritual walk. I was hopping for classes to continue as I hope for Ordination, but life gets in the way, and now, I’m not sure what’s going to happen with that either. I wonder what I’m being tested on. I have been asking God to show me what I’m supposed to do, and the more I wonder, the more I feel the lesson itself is in patience. As things with Rg have been put on hold due to the tragic loss of her father, and a busy season (as if there were non busy seasons) at church, I have found myself twiddling my thumbs. The one thing that’s been getting me excited is VBS (Vacation Bible School) at church, and the fact I have 30 minutes to preach in July. These days, I’ll take what I can get. A couple weeks ago I was preaching (having a discussion) about Jesus and love, and life, and life over abortion, and I felt the Holy Spirit on me, even though I was frustrated to be in the situation I was in. I have no idea if my words held or meant anything, but I pray somewhere along the line those who heard me look at life a little differently. I know God is putting me where I need to be when I need to be there, but I have been wondering what I have to do to grow up. What do I have to do to be doing something meaningful in my life? I don’t want to feel like I am wasting my time, but in some ways I feel that’s what I’m doing. I know I need to finish school, but when I’m not doing that, I feel drawn to be making more of a difference. Even when I wasn’t getting feedback on my blog posts, I felt somehow I was making a difference in the peoples lives who read them. I guess, what I’m getting at in this long drawn out life update is, no matter what you’re going through, troubles, heartache, joy, happiness, unexpected pregnancy, loss in the family, or whatever the case may be, follow God and He will never leave you astray. Jesus loves you and is always walking with you. No matter if you’re in the hills, the valleys, the sunshine or the darkness, Jesus is always there. Am I still worthy of God’s love? ALWAYS! The question is, can I remind myself that I am still worthy, and even when I feel far away, I am still worthy of God’s love. 

The Cheap Knock Off

The Cheap Knock Off

Christians, the followers of Jesus Christ. Understanding the nature of the trinity and what it means to be loved by the one true living God. There are many religions out there, there are many faiths, and ideas, but today there are those that could be considered cheap knock offs, or cheap imitations.

Recently I found what I thought was a good deal on a Avengers ‘Legends’ Captain America Shield. I ordered it because the website called it that, and even had pictures of what the shield (the real shield) looked like. Sadly after 30 days of waiting it arrived in an underwhelming cardboard box, wrapped in bubble wrap, and low-in-behold, not the real shield. The shield was a fake, a cheap knock off, a complete jip. The feeling I had when I opened the box and I realized I had been duped, I had ordered a fake. I realized that the lie that was told, while it looked great on the surface, once you dug a little deeper the lie shown through. Are we fooled by the world of all the lies? There are plenty of fly by night religions, and faiths, and so many people who believe in them. 

Christianity stems, hinges on one main fact, ‘did Jesus Christ rise from the grave?’. To answer this, and see that Jesus Christ is the one and only salvation, the one and only way to the Father, the one and only way to eternal life. Jesus Christ is the risen, the living God. While I don’t want to get into an Apologetics argument in this post, what I will say is this, men don’t die for something they know is a lie. Of all people the Apostle’s would have known if Christ was a scam or not. They believed in Him and what they saw that they were willing to die for it. While people die for what they believe in today, they believe what they follow on faith not necessarily on evidence. Those 12 Apostles knew if what Christ said and did was a lie or true, and we can bet that it was the truth. Next, in a time when women weren’t considered to be credible, when they were not allowed to hold property, or even allowed to live if they were raped, the evidence of the resurrection stands to reason to be truth, because if you were going to perpetuate a lie, you certainly would not lead your story with a women, unless of course women were the true first to see the risen Christ. The Romans weren’t able to silence the over 400 eye witnesses. The Jews never managed to kill those who followed the way (early Christians). Christianity survived because of the truth. 

There are so many cheap imitations out there, so many lies, and flavors of beliefs, but the truth is this, Christ said, John 14:6 (NKJV) 6 “Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” A man named Saul was a hunter of the Christian followers again, known as the way. He hunted them down, murdered them, persecuted them, and one day, out of the blue, he sacrificed his entire life of wealth, fame, status, comfort, to follow Christ. He gave up everything he had, his prestige all in the name of a man he despised. What could possibly have changed a man of his education, of his convictions if not for the truth spoke of in Acts? Acts 9:1-6 “Then Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest 2 and asked letters from him to the synagogues of Damascus, so that if he found any who were of the Way, whether men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem.3 As he journeyed he came near Damascus, and suddenly a light shone around him from heaven. 4 Then he fell to the ground, and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?”5 And he said, “Who are You, Lord?”Then the Lord said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. [a]It is hard for you to kick against the goads.”6 So he, trembling and astonished, said, “Lord, what do You want me to do?”Then the Lord said to him, “Arise and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.” 

While my shield may not have been real, it taught me a valuable lesson. Sometimes you need to dig a little deeper to discover the truth. Sometimes what’s on the surface isn’t real and you need to take a little longer to verify the truth. We must understand that the Devil will try to sell us on a whole slew of lies, but those lies look very enticing, very good and fulfilling, but they are still lies. Trust in Jesus that he is THE way, not one way, not a way, but THE way to the father, and there is no other way. The stone was rolled away, the seal broken, the linin folded John 20:7  7 “and the [ Face Cloth ] handkerchief that had been around His head, not lying with the linen cloths, but folded together in a place by itself.”Christ’s life as man was complete, his mission was over, and he had risen in fulfillment of the blood debt that was needed to defeat sin. There are many other religions out there that promise an awful lot, but you need to read the fine print, and see that they aren’t the real deal, they aren’t the true product. Christ is the real deal, the one and only Son of God, our Salvation, our Messiah. The Covenant paid for in Blood, signed for every soul who truly believes in Christ entrance into Heaven with the Father. Don’t be caught off guard for cheap imitations, the knock offs, be sure you are getting the real thing, Jesus Christ. 

Ashes Ashes, They All Fall Down

Ashes Ashes, They All Fall Down

The tongue is a powerful tool. So many people will come and go out of your life, but I think we’ve lost the ability to truly care for people. How I’ve seen friendships grow, and grow, and yet in the blink of an eye crumble like a house made of cards. The spark that lit the match and the whole of the friendship burnt down to ash all around. The tongue has the ability to lift up and do and say great things, but at the same time it can destroy, and tear down all manner of friendships. Scripture is very clear about the power of the tongue, and love. Both of which go hand in hand, but how often is the words in the Holiest of Holy books ignored. What does scripture say about the tongue and what we say? 

Proverbs 21:23 (NKJV)

23 “Whoever guards his mouth and tongue

Keeps his soul from troubles.”

Ephesians 4:29 (NKJV)

29 “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary [a]edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”

Proverbs 12:18 New King James Version (NKJV)

18 “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword,

But the tongue of the wise promotes health.”

When people are wounded they often justify the hurting of others. They say and do anything to make sure they don’t get hurt, and if that means they shut themselves off from the world and caring for others, the sad fact is, it happens all the time. 

In the last…. Well most of my life, I’ve watched my friendships, and relationships build up, and then in the blink of an eye topple over and burn to the ground in ash. In fact, it hasn’t just been friendships I’ve watched burn to the ground but nearly all relationships that I’ve held most dear. Not a day goes by when I don’t look to the future and wonder what my days will hold. Every day I walk is a day I have to put forth effort. Every day I watch my steps, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t wonder what relationship was going to burn to the ground on any given day. Some may call it cynical, but from my perspective, it’s more of a manner of time then anything else. Wounds made by the tongue are hard to get over sometimes. Wounds that are from the collapse of a relationship (friendship, marriage, etc.) are even harder to manage. It took me years to realize the hurtful nature of people, and even longer to realize the love and mercy of my Abba Father. Despite so many losses, through it all I know that my God is still by my side daily. It’s taken me years of hurt, and heartache to get to a point where I am no longer crushed under the waves of the sea. 

When we care for someone, or care for people, how must we act? We are told time and again how important our tongue is, and how damaging it can be. I myself am not free from sin in the matter. In my past I’ve often let things from my lips that I knew where hurtful, specifically because I was hurt, and in my vanity and in my pride, I wanted to send my pain right back at the other person. Love is the only way to fight evil. Love is the only way to return pain that can be inflicted. The old Axum is true “hurting people hurt others.” Love however, is not just love of a spouse but the love we must all share for one another. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NKJV)

“4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not [a]puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, [b Keeps no accounts of evil] Thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

If love suffers long, that means being first in line that suffering long is the most important aspect of love. It also keeps no record of wrong doing. If we are to love in this manner, that means we are to speak no ill words towards those we love. Sadly this is perhaps the most difficult thing people will face in their lives. This world hurts us deeply and that anger, and resentment quickly hardens the heart. Fear of being hurt can often turn outwards and instead of words being used to lift up, to show love, to show kindness, that fear sabotages friendships, or relationships and sinks ships. 

When words are thrown around, or even when actions against someone is taken, behind it all at the root of it all is self. Even if the root is self-preservation, the base is self, and self often leads to sin. Sin destroys everything it touches. Sin is cancer, it’s a disease, it’s the cause of evil in the world. Sin is what causes our lips to spew venom. The lips and the forked tongue behind them are the most powerful weapon on the planet, and sadly the amount of broken hearts, the amount of tears, the amount of pain that’s it caused far surpass the number of dead throughout all eternity. The tongue is such a small little thing, yet driven by the sinful heart, produces terrible amounts of pain. 

In my life I’ve been blamed for my own suffering. I’ve been told I was worthless. I have been told I should kill myself. I’ve bene told I was ugly. I’ve been told I would never find happiness. I’ve been told I deserved to be cheated on. I’ve been told I was so awful that anyone around me would want to kill themselves just to get away from me. The list could go on for miles, but I think the point has been made. Eminem once said “they can be great Or they can degrade, or even worse they can teach hate” (Sing for the moment, Eminem). How true, words have such power. In a life lived where there’s been so many words pointed in my direction, how have I managed to push forward? In some instances I’m still working on it. I’ve slowly come to realize just because someone says something doesn’t make it true. Even though the words hurt, there is power in love and forgiveness. Despite the failings, and the destruction of so many different relationships through the years, I try to maintain optimism that each and every new friendship will be different. This isn’t always the case, and I sometimes find myself being hurt, abandoned, or ‘ghosted’ in today’s society. It isn’t easy watching people leave, or have such a disregard for someone’s feelings, but we must remember that to put our faith in people is foolish. Placing your faith in God is the only absolute. People and their sin nature will let you down, they will hurt you, they will fail you, and you will be powerless to stop it. It’s not easy, or fair, but it’s the sad reality of living in a fallen world. I’ve watched helplessly as friendships fell to ruin, and I always blamed myself. I felt I was at fault, and it was me. Perhaps to some extent it was me, but what’s more likely is my taste in friends. If I choose friends who will speak ill, abandon me in a time of need, only come around when they need something, then apropos they are not the Christian friends I need or needed in my life. 

Hold onto the friendships you can, and those you can’t, let them go. Hold onto the relationships you can but the ones that will leave you, let them leave, and remember Jesus Christ will never leave, nor will he ever forsake you. Hope misplaced can be devastating, so we must hope in the Lord, and hope for the best in people, but prepare for the worst from them. The Lord’s love is never in question, nor is his presence in your life. There is only one cure for sin and that’s Jesus Christ, but so long as we live in this world, even those who know Christ are still subject to sin, and thus still subject to letting down those they care for. Don’t let a forked tongue burn down your relationships. Don’t let hateful speech flow from your lips. Don’t let words that do not build up break the sound waves. Don’t let your friendships turn to ash. Don’t let your relationship be damaged by words of hate or anger. Hold your tongue, hold your voice. Just because something is the truth doesn’t mean it has to be said. Just because you have a thought doesn’t mean it needs to be spoken. Remember that people have feelings and hurting someone is like hurting Jesus. We are one body in Christ and to hurt one is to hurt Christ. 

Hold yourself to a higher standard and really dive into scripture about how we are to talk to one another, behave towards one another, and how we expect God to behave towards us. We expect a different behavior from God, when we treat others badly. Don’t allow Satan to harden your heart with anger and hatred, and fear. God gives us a spirit of courage, not of fear. Don’t allow the song “ring around the rosy” to represent your friendships or relationships. As for me, I watch friendships dissolve to ash, and one by one they fall down. 

Plant Yourself Like A Tree

Plant yourself like a tree: 

How do you manage to stay on the path, in a time when no one wants to see Christianity remain. Compromise where you can, but where you can’t, don’t. Even if everyone is telling that something wrong is something right, even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye and say ‘no, you move’. (partially borrowed from Captain American Civil War) How do we as Christians stand our ground in a time when the whole world seems against us? How do we maintain our principles when the world is filled with at your fingertips sin? The world is a deeply fallen place and in the midst of so much hate, and suffering, there is still love. The love of Christ is not something the world can snuff out. As a Christian we are called to stand firm where the army of the world stands against you. 2 Chronicles 20:15(NKJV) 15“And he said, “Listen, all you of Judah and you inhabitants of Jerusalem, and you, King Jehoshaphat! Thus says the Lord to you: ‘Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.” The Lord has not given you a spirit of fear, but of courage. Your strength is not of your own, but given to you by God Almighty. 

There is nothing this world can do to you to take away your salvation. Jesus Christ died for us so we may live. When the walls fall we should not fear, but remember that all things must come to an end. If we are to face our end, we do so knowing where we go. We know that Jesus Christ’s blood was shed for us to break our bondage of sin, and we rejoice knowing that one day, the reward for a life live in Christ is the golden city, Heaven. Romans 8:31“If God is for us, who can be against us?” We cannot allow the world to bring us down, and we cannot allow the world to sway us away from the truth. In this life we must be a seed planted in Christ that grows to the fullness of a tree. We must be able to weather the storm, and remain planted firm and strong. Our shield is the Lord and we hold it firm and tight so that we protect ourselves from the arrows of the Devil. We are soldiers on the front lines. We are the hands and feet of Christ. 1 Corinthians 12:27(NKJV) 27 “Now you are the body of Christ, and members individually.” If you are going to fight a war, and go into battle you need a good shield. Like Captain America a shield such as scripture is both a shield and a weapon against the forces of darkness. The world is full of darkness, and in this fight we need to keep our armor strapped down tight. Keep the word close to our heart and when the world seems dark, allow the light of Christ to brighten the path for you to follow. 

Like Captain America we do not go into battle without the protection of our shield. We allow that shield to block attacks that come from the enemy. 2 Samuel 22:31(NKJV) 31 “As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.” There is nothing greater than the world is His word.

In my life I’ve been knocked down and I later realized I didn’t keep my armor or my shield up. I remember a time when I was knocked down hard. I wasn’t sure I’d be getting back up, but the Lord saw me through. No matter how hard your hit be sure to get back up. As Captain America used to say “I can do this all day.” We see this sentiment in scripture also. Proverbs 24:16(NKJV) 16 “For a righteous man may fall seven times And rise again, But the wicked shall fall by calamity.”In Ephesians 6:13-17“13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God;” 

Stand firm and don’t let this world shake you. The world will push you, punch you, and do everything it can to get you to yield and bend to it’s will. The minions of the Devil are all around, and just like Hydra, hide in plane sight. There are many wolves in the world that will try to tell you Gods word, and will often make the message sound great, but in reality they are twisting scripture to fit their own agendas. Be careful of the world that will sell you lies that sound like truth. Stand for real truth, stand for real justice, stand for the Lord and the Word of the Lord. 

Fallout

Fallout 

Once in a while, a mistake we make in a rash, heat of the moment comes back to haunt us. I’ve spent years trying to make amends, make the wrongs right again, but in one phone call the past, which I’ve spent so long trying to move beyond came back and kicked me in the face. Since that phone call, I’ve felt emotionally withdrawn, distant from everything. I’ve had a lack humor, a lack of interest, a feeling of being tired, and a desire to sleep as long as possible. I’m reminded of David and his life after Bathsheba, his life would never be the same after. He would for the rest of his life face the ramifications, the punishment for his actions. I wonder how long I would live with the constant reminder of a bad day. The shame washes over me and I struggle dealing with the emotional fallout.

How do we deal with a mistake from our past? It’s true one mistake can haunt us the rest of our lives, but in reality what are we really talking about? While it’s not a black and white statement, but I’d say, in my opinion that most mistakes that haunt us our whole lives are made because we’ve stepped off the path God intends for us, and we decide to do things our own way. We decide to drink and drive, or party, or have pre-marital sex, or have affairs, or get involved in illegal activity. What happens when we sin knowingly, and force ourselves beyond the brush and thorns God has placed to block our path? It’s simple really, we get cut, and scrapped, and we end up hurt and bleeding on this new path. God’s planned path for us, while never easy, will bring you more peace, than if you try to bulldoze your way into a different path. For every action there is a consequence, and when we blatantly walk against Gods will we cannot say, “well, I’ll be forgiven so it’s aright.” NO IT’S NOT ALRIGHT! There’s a difference when you sin because you’re human and imbued with sin, it’s entirely different when you go out of your way to sin.

Ezekiel 18:20 ESV“The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself.”

Galatians 6:7 ESV“Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.”

We do not have a green light to sin, just because we are forgiven upon true repentance. There is fallout from our sin. Our sin is like a stone throw into the water. The ripples from the epicenter permeate the water and spread out and continue to flow outwards. We never know the full ramifications of our sinful behaviors, but ignorance of result is not an excuse. There will always be a punishment for sin, and the day God chooses to bring forth correction, are you ready for the fallout to come? We have to understand some mistakes we make might not affect us directly, but the mistakes made might have lasting affects on others. One example is choosing to have a child on ones own. Choosing to raise a child outside of marriage might seem like a ‘good’ idea. You don’t have to worry about another person, arguing, or any other excuse, but the reality is, God created the family dynamic for a reason. Mothers and fathers have different rolls to play in a child’s life. The cause of most adolescent misbehavior is only one parent more often then not. The reason young girls engage in risky behavior in their early life, and get involved in poor relationships with men is often found because she did not have a father figure. Most girls who get involved in risky sex practices to include prostitution is again, lack of a father figure. A son, without a father often never learns how to treat a lady. He often grows up disrespectful of his mother, or fails to learn valuable lessons on being a responsible man.

I’ve seen so many decisions turn into very sad situations due to a choice that was outside the will of God. We as people need to let go of our selfish desires, and realize it’s not all about us, or what we want. It’s about what’s best for us, and clearly we aren’t very good at figuring that out for ourselves. The bushes are in place, and God is giving us warning to stay out, but sadly, we are stubborn, and we don’t listen. I hope you take a lot of Band-Aids with you because to get to where you think you want to be, you’re going to have to clean up some cuts and expect some of them while pushing your way through are going to be pretty deep. But, who am I to tell you what to do with your life? I’m just some random guy on the internet. You’ll figure it out, I just pray you do before you get on the wrong side with God. 

Scripture Prevails

Scripture Prevails

I’m not emotionless, and I’m not cold hearted. I believe in facts, and I believe in truth. I’ve spent my whole life helping those in need. I’ve spent my whole life being a shoulder for those in need to cry on. I’ve been a punching bag. I’ve been a sounding board. I’ve been counsel. I’ve been the voice of reason. I’ve also been on the side where I needed all those things. I’ve been on the side where I felt little compassion and I know how hard life can be. Make no mistake, I will not sidestep the word of God to spare someone their feelings.

The world will turn on you, and in an instant friends, family, and strangers will attack you all for your beliefs. People will attack you for the word of God, and you will be the punching bag of many. In lieu of recent events, I felt it was my responsibility to check myself and see if what was said against me might have had any weight. When I look back at the post and what I wrote I see a clear cut message, free of emotion, without a scripture verse, but in response to recent issues regarding abortion. In the following hours after the post messages from people who don’t talk to me on a regular basis or even within a year, started to message me, and tell me how insensitive, and how wrong I was for stating abortion was wrong and that it was murder. Regardless of how things were said, I stood there and allowed stones to be thrown at me. What is it that really hit the red button I wonder? Not only did I feel the stones thrown at me, but I could also tell there was an issue with the Christian faith. There was anger, and there was bitterness, and there was insult.

At no time did I speak of my own opinion, or attack in return, but instead, responded with more scripture. This seemed to only add fuel to the fire. What did Paul feel as he was run out of Synagogue after Synagogue, Temple after Temple? I cannot imagine his level of frustration as he knew the truth, and going from a man of influence and stature, and respect, to a man run out of every town he preached in. How did Paul react with his change of status? The answer, while not easy, is simple, our Lord and Savior endured slander, false accusations, and even death for a crime he did not commit. Who am I to feel this way, to feel angry, to feel belittled over something that is clearly stated in scripture. It’s true, anger comes from feeling insulted, disrespected, or when our own insecurities are brought forth. We can only stand on the word of God. Many people will attack you for what you believe, but you need to ask yourself, as I have, whom do you stand with? As it is so wonderfully put in God’s Not Dead 2 “I would rather stand with God and be judged by man, then to stand with man and be judged by God.” How very true, and as I do feel badly for the tough decisions people might be in every day, for every tough decision God if we give him the faith, give him the glory, will show us a way. We must have faith in God, and trust in His perfect plan. Life is hard, and there are always consequences for our action, and those are things we must consider before we make choices that could change our lives forever. Yes, one simple act can forever alter the status quo of your life, and it’s something that needs to be thought about.

As for me, I will find a way to manage the feelings inside. I will praise God that perhaps the messages shared recently might find their way to who might need it. I will do the best I can and continue to fight the good fight, and never compromise God’s word for the feelings of others, even if I do empathize, and sympathize with them.

2 Timothy 3:16 (NKJV)16 All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for [a: Training and Discipline] instruction in righteousness,” 

We believe that scripture is given to us by God to show us how to live. We believe scripture shows us the power of God, the mercy of God, the love of God, and the sovereignty of God. We cannot pick and choose parts we like and ignore parts we don’t. But, all sins upon repentance are forgiven by God. We must remember that while we confront the sin, we must always do so in a loving and respectful matter.

I have one example of what not to do. If you own a bakery, and a homosexual couple comes in requesting a wedding cake, it’s probably not the best idea to turn them away. If you want to show yourself as a loving Christian, you are respectful, and making someone feel an inch tall by embarrassing them, or insulting them, is not the Christian way. Invite them to church, ask to pray for them, or even remind them that Jesus loves them. I use this example from the many times it’s happened in the last few years. Every time it’s happened and it’s made the news, it’s because the Christian turned away the customer. I would argue that’s not the Christ[like] way. It’s not our place to pass judgment, but again, we are to call out the sin when we need too, and love on everyone regardless of that sin. We cannot sugar coat scripture, and we cannot ignore it.

I am a sinner just like everyone else, and I struggle with different sins. The Lord knows which sins I struggle with, and that’s between us. We all have sins, and we all have our different areas we need to work on. Scripture is the one and only truth. In this world as truth is becoming a fluid idea, and it can be anything for anyone, that thought process begins the decent into anarchy. We must accept Jesus as the one true way to the Father, and accept that Scripture is divined by God to teach us the way. 

What Is The Law

What Is The Law

I was accused recently of not preaching on a larger variety of sin, so this is my response to that. When looking at sin, first you need to define sin. What is it, what qualifies as sin? James 4:17“So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.” We all have a basic understanding of right and wrong, but to know truth, one must find that truth in scripture. We are all sinners 1 John 1:8-10“If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.”Paul describes a list, but not limited to the list are sins in Galatians 5:19-21“Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”  Sins themselves are cosmic treason against God. Many people look to the Old Testament and see a list of laws, but those laws were not sinful per say, except that it is a sin to go against the law of the land when that law is a just law. Sin is an act in which real consequence exists. Let us examine some of those consequences, but first the list of sins. 

Exodus 20: 1-17

And God spoke all these words, saying,

2 “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.

“You shall have no other gods before[a] me.

“You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. 5 You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing steadfast love to thousands[b] of those who love me and keep my commandments.

“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain.

8 “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates. 11 For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

13 “You shall not murder.[c (The Hebrew word also covers causing human death through carelessness or negligence) i.e. Cold blooded murder, or negligent manslaughter.

         (This does not cover a person breaking into your home, or stopping a crime in progress with lethal force, or in war of enemy combatants.)

14 “You shall not commit adultery.

15 “You shall not steal.

16 “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.”

This list is a list that has lasting implications of real consequence. Each of theses is either being deceitful, or truly harming your neighbor, which Christ said as the number 2 commandment, love your neighbor (which is everyone) as yourself. Number 1 is love the Lord God before anything else. One can argue that anything that gets in the way of your relationship with God is a sin, because you are placing whatever, or whoever it may be above God and that turns that object or person into an idol. Of course, when you don’t believe in God that places the world itself as an idol, and as the world is ruled by Satan until Christ returns, the world becomes the object of worship, or yourself.

Many may sight the OT law as sinful such as eating of pork, or mixing cheese and meet, or the combination of fabrics, but all of these things were to keep people safe, much like speeding, or not tying your alligator to a fire hydrant. The laws once they were no longer valid such as ceremonial cleaning, now we have the ability to wash our hands, and take showers on a regular basis is no longer relevant. This is exactly what Paul talks about when he said Galatians 5:3 “And I testify again to every man who becomes circumcised that he is [a: Obligated] a debtor to keep the whole law.” Paul himself would have been circumcised, however he is saying that the laws of the Jews and the practices of old within Jewish Law, not the commandments because they are separate, just as our laws are extra, added onto our bill of rights. Laws change, the original commandments do not, with the exception of the two Christ added and moved to the top of the list, which I noted earlier.

Now, if we are to understand the difference of sin, we must realize that we are all sinners, but accepting Christ is to become new, to be washed of our sins, and changed through the Holy Spirit. 1 John 3:6-10“No one who abides in him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him. Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil. No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God. By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.”  Sin must be reconciled with God by repentance and change within ones own heart. We could never hope to keep all the law and we are not saved by the law. We are told not to sin and as those laws have passed away and are no longer needed, the sins that are laid out before us, are the true enemy. How do we treat those around us? How do we treat the sanctity of life? God shows us what is right, and what is just, and while many may not agree with scripture, and for those who view religion as antiquated, that I’m afraid is an entirely different conversation. As far as Christianity goes, there is a difference between ancient law, and what is a Sin. We must look at ourselves in the mirror and before casting a stone in judgment look to ourselves and see if we are blameless. It’s not our job to pass judgment on sin, but it is important to make the sin known. More importantly to show that Jesus loves you no matter what sin you’ve committed and there is hope in the blood of Christ that has washed us clean. We only need to ask, to seek forgiveness and allow Christ into our hearts, and we will be forgiven. 

Feel Better

Feel Better

How do you make yourself feel better when you’re feeling blue? For me, especially lately, I’ve been doing a lot of online shopping. Small stuff mostly, but even little stuff adds up. Usually I would build a Lego set, but since running out of viable space, and not having an abundance of time, Lego has been put on the back burner for now. How do we handle stress in our lives? How do we face another day when stress and life build up? For that, I turn to Psalm 23

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd;

I shall not want.

2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters.

3 He restores my soul;

He leads me in the paths of righteousness

For His name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil;

For You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil;

My cup runs over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

All the days of my life;

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord

Forever.

The verse starts off with I shall not what. This shows being content with what he had. David writes this with an understanding that God’s grace and presence is enough to sustain him. Paul writes a similar passage in Philippians 4:11“Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content” Have we learned to not be so ridged in our life? Have we learned to stop worrying about tomorrow and focus on today? When Paul was in prison he was often found singing praises to God. Prison was dirty, dark, and inhospitable and yet here he is singing praises to God. Before finding Christ Paul knew nothing of that kind of misery, and yet, here he is, finding peace in horrible situations. Can we say we show the same amount of grace in our every day life? 

When we truly look at scripture and we see what horrible things happened to people all throughout, why then do we not take the hint ourselves? God is in control, and no matter what happens to us in this life, we have something far better waiting for us. We need to find ways to be more content where we are, and stop trying to fill our lives with meaningless things to make ourselves feel better. There will be seasons of pain, of frustrations in our lives, but through them all is Jesus, and we need to be able to focus our energy on that. This world will tell you, you need x y z to make you feel better, but those things are temporary, Christ is eternal. Have faith in Christ, and learn how to not want, and no matter where God puts you, you’re fearing no evil, and your cup overflows with joy for the Lord.

There will always be things in our life that come up, and sometimes they are pretty awful. When a spouse cheats, or your in a horrible car accident, or you loose someone to alcohol or cancer, no matter what it is, bad things happen. Do we allow those things in our past to be moved along to others? Do we truly leave the past behind us only taking the important lessons with us? It’s easy to hold onto that weight, that extra baggage, but are we called to leave it and forgive, then move forward. Are we doing that? Are we living in peace, or are we living in fear?  

My Ledger

My Ledger 

My sins add up and pile upon me like an avalanche. The ledger of my sins is long, and I hear the lies in the dark. I am bound in chains of my own creation. The darkness surrounds me as the hungry wolves lick their chops circling me ready to pounce. My hands are stained red in the blood of cosmic treason and my failures ring in my ears, the sound of Satan’s victory over the spirit. The ledger I carry weighs me down, and as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I hear the war drums all around me, the drums of Hell. The Devil and his demons cast shadows on the cavern walls in the shapes of my sins. I’m reminded of all my failures time and time again, and I wonder, I question who am I to be able to stand tall and speak with authority?

I have failed so often, and I know the word, but the world tells me something different. The world has pushed me, shoved me, beat me when I was down. I feel like my feet are buried in mounds of mud and I can’t take a step. Who am I to be able to stand and speak, who am I but a hypocrite, flawed, not worthy of a grain of salt from the Lord. I look deep in my life, and who am I but a two-time failure at marriage, a failure in a career, a financial failure, a failed businessman, and many would argue a failure as a friend. Who am I to stand up and preach the Gospel of our king when my ledger is flooded with so much?

I’ve stumbled and fallen, and I don’t know how I can carry on keeping on. A broken man with broken dreams, shattered on the floor, a life I don’t recognize. Simpler times before the scars appeared, a hope long gone. Broken and afraid, unable to see the sky. The Devil tells me I’m not good enough, he tells me I’m a failure, he tells me I’m a failure, and how can I ever be more, that I deserve Hell. My chains are heavy, and my pain is deep. What more can I say, but on this day, the Devil found a chink in the armor. I am no one important, this is truth, a truth beyond any measure, but what is truth in the absence of Christ, but a lie. The world’s truths are nothing to the Lord above.

No matter the power of Satan, there’s a power greater then any other, that of Christ. Christ’s blood wipes away my red, His blood frees me, sets me free from the bonds that hold onto me. I feel unqualified for what You want me to do my Lord. I feel weak in this task you’ve set before me. I feel small in a great big world, and I doubt myself. I feel fear that I am not worthy of this task, which I am nobody anybody would ever listen too. I don’t know why anyone would believe a word I say. I don’t know why you’d choose me, choose such a wretched sinner like me. My Lord my Savior you cover my wretched body in the reviving waters dissolving my chains.

I’m a sinner like any other man. My works and my deeds mean nothing. My voice is flat and all I am mean nothing without Jesus. Today I feel the weight of my shortcomings, but I know that I am worth more then I feel in my Fathers eyes. Today I don’t feel okay, and perhaps once in a while it’s okay not to be okay. Knowing that Jesus is still there at the right hand of the Father. Knowing that my sins are forgiven, and the Jesus is here by my side in the trenches. Maybe today, it’s okay for me to bend on knee and ask for God’s grace cover over me to give me strength.

When I look over my life I wonder, nah, I doubt if I’m worthy to stand up and proclaim the word of God, but I study, I pray, and even if I doubt my own ability, it is God that strengthens me.       2 Timothy 2:15 (NKJV) 15 “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”

Being fallible, being so full of doubt, and despite my personal feelings on the matter, I cannot help but be reminded of Gideon. Gideon was chosen by God to defeat the Midianites. Gideon was only one man, but the Angel of the Lord promised that he (Gideon) would defeat them as one man. Like any man would be, Gideon was skeptical of his own ability. One man verse an entire army. Not only was Gideon one man, but as scripture tells us he was the weakest in all of Manasseh, and the least of his fathers house. Who are we in this life without God? We are no one, but in Christ, with the blessings from our Father we can concur the wages of this world.

2 Corinthians 4:1-10 (NKJV)

4 Therefore, since we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we do not lose heart. 2 But we have renounced the hidden things of shame, not walking in craftiness nor handling the word of God deceitfully, but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. 3 But even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, 4 whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them. 5 For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord, and ourselves your bondservants for Jesus’ sake. 6 For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. 8 We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— 10 always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.

We are called to proclaim the word of God, and even when we are stifled in our attempts, or silenced, or when our proclamations fall upon the deaf ears of those yet to unplug from this world, we will not be silenced. Even the weak can have a voice. Even the smallest voice rings with power, and truth, so long as it is proclaiming the word, the glorious word of our King on High Jesus Christ. We allow the Holy Spirit to speak through us, to flow through us, and even though we are yet sinners, we are not bound to this world. We are washed clean not once, but seventy times seven, which is boundless forgiveness from our Heavenly Father. Knowing that my Father forgives me for my sins, even when I don’t deserve is shows me God’s endless amounts of mercy. Forgiveness is a hard concept for some, but forgiving ones self is perhaps harder then forgiving others. While my ledger is always being rewritten, I constantly turn to Christ to forgive me of my earthly torments, my failings, my weaknesses. I fight this world, and while my spirit is willing, my flesh is weak. I am reminded that a sin does not start with an action, but within the heart. Who am I, I ask myself, that God would or could ever use a sinner like me? I am small in this world, without a voice, without stature, or status, but despite my own misgivings, God wishes to move me into the deeper waters. As I once dreamt of being a hero, dreamt of being more, being remembered for something great, now, I am full of doubt, but above all shame of an old life.

What did Paul feel I wonder, after his conversion, he was undoubtedly left with guilt for his actions as Saul. On the eve of change, I find myself facing off with the list of crimes against the cross. I find myself being reminded of all the reasons I am a failure, but worst of all, a hypocrite. I am a sinner like everyone else, and while my sins are equal to every else’s, it’s my own failure to forgive myself, allow myself to let go of yesterday, and remember that Jesus has washed away my crime and never dwells upon it. If Jesus can forgive and forget, why can I not do the same for myself? How can I teach love, and grace, and mercy, and forgiveness if I cannot do the same for myself? I read 2 Corinthians again and realize that I am struck down by the world, but I am still standing. I am tempted by the world, but am pulled back by the Holy Spirit. I am dying as a shell, but surviving as a spirit. I remember that I have a treasure deep within as I am saved by mercy. As Obi-Wan Kanobi once said “if you strike me down, I shall become more powerful then you can ever imagine.” This body is nothing by a vessel, a temporary housing for the spirit, which grows in Christ. I am reminded that like any plant to flourish it takes time, effort, water, light, and the grace of God. Our souls are very much like plants, and we need to remember to water our souls by Christ, and let the light of Jesus shine deep within us. The god of this world wants to keep you in darkness, and as I have heard the lies, heard the accusations against me, I know and trust that Jesus knows my heart, and yet still wants me to move forward on this path of light which is laid out before me. I trust my Father and know that if this is where He wants me who am I to argue with the creator of the universe?

My Ledger may always have something against the cross on it, but Jesus knows we are sinners, and loves us anyway. Jesus knows my faults, knows my shortcomings, but despite them, loves me anyway. Even when I cannot see the good within myself, even when I cannot see the man worth saving, Jesus sees me. Who am I? I am a child of the King, a servant of the Savior, a son of the Father.

A Journey Abroad

A Journey Abroad 

It’s 2300 my time and where I am I have no idea. I’d never seen a flight like this, instead of going over the Pacific, were going over the Northern Arctic Circle.

The trip started off with a hiccup when I realized I grabbed my brick with the wrong charging cable attached. Then, the plane was delayed for unknown reason. Then takeoff was delayed due to rain in Chicago. I was sitting in the middle seat, one big Asian man on my left, and a very VERY large Hispanic man on my right, who despite my best efforts was so big he was inadvertently touching me the whole flight. If that wasn’t bad enough, there was no air vents on the plane, and less then a minute after sitting down before we backed away from the gate, I had orange soda spilled all over me. Needless to say, getting shot at in a C-130 was preferable to my situation. I never felt like I could really get up and stretch and feeling so uncomfortable I never got to sleep. I can’t even admit how many times I’ve sinned on this flight. Covering my neighbors extra space in the emergency exits. Or the front row behind the galley. It’s been a test of patience and still have more patience to go. Apparently the plane has an upstairs and the flight attendants switch off during the shift. I thought that was weird seeing as I don’t understand how the plain has an upstairs.

Finally after hours and hours of un-comfort the sweet sound of metallic gears as the landing gear extend down towards the ground. The final leg of the journey or at least part one, comes to a close and a prayer that the travel to the next gate is easy and quick. The flight to  Manila is relatively short, in comparison of course. 

Driving through the city the sinking in my stomach as I realize just how poor the Philippines really is. Shops have tin roofs, pieced together, most don’t have screens, and even the brokenness of the streets and the jumbled together power lines are tell signs of a weak infrastructure, and a lack of technology or money to change the status quo. After showering for the first time in a single room where the shower and toilet are not separated by any walls, or curtains, but instead, when you shower, the very toilet itself gets wet. Not to mention the lack of hot water as a whole. The fortunate have a small heater for the water but that provides minimal heat. The rest have nothing but one temperature, cold.

Despite the clear differences in creature comforts the Filipino people are second to none with their warmest hearts of love and generosity. Even those with so little give so much. I don’t mean monetary but to have a massive feast for a stranger and hold back for nothing, I can say I have never been so warmly welcomed in my entire life. Within moments I was being treated as if I had been apart of the family for years. While the culture has different personalities, some people are quiet and reserved, and some people are loud and full of energy, that doesn’t ever take away from the kindness experienced.

There’s no shortage of laughter heard, or singing, and dancing it seems runs in the family of my Argie. The joy shown even with so much threat going on in the country, and even with the inconvenience of Martial Law or at least a partial martial law as security check points were in place. A joyous heart fills the night with song, and dance, and laughter. The welcome received is like nothing I had ever experienced. While on my journey, I was able to do a little writing.

What do we fear? This is a question I’ve been thinking of lately. What is it I fear I wonder? Failure I suppose, but failure of what? I’ve been thinking about my marriages and the failures that wrecked my perspectives, my self-esteem, and my thoughts of the future. Can I put the past behind me? Can I leave behind the pain and the feelings of being a failure? In the last week abroad I’ve seen things that were heart breaking. We (Americans) are spoiled and yet blessed all at the same time. Do I have the strength to, no…. The courage to move forward into the unknown?

I found something in myself this week. I found courage in my journey as I ventured off on my own. Hong Kong tested my resolve. I couldn’t read road signs, no cell service, no WiFi, and yet, I found my way. I tried now foods, swam with sharks, dropped 150 feet, and explored. Besides finding love, I think I may have found some level of myself. As I was standing at a rail in the Hong Kong Airport I realized I was alone and I realized I was okay with it. How things can change when we least expect it. God works in us, and through us. Paul I’m sure never expected his life to change like it did. Damascus changed everything for Paul. While I have traveled my own separate path to Damascus, my change has occurred more slowly. Change sometimes comes when we least expect it. Something I’ve been considering is the song What If I Gave Everything By: Casting Crowns. In the song, it talks about sitting in the shallow end never truly going out to swim. 

So why am I still standing here?
Why am I still holding back from You?
I hear You call me out into deeper waters
But I settle on the shallow end
So why am I still standing here?

So afraid what it might cost to follow You
I’d walk by faith if I could get these feet to move
But I don’t want to live that way
I don’t want to look back someday
On a life that never stepped across the line

The idea that I had in mind was, if I’ve been a lukewarm Christian. How long was I sitting on the fence? How long did I believe, but didn’t grow in faith? I was a lukewarm Christian most of my life. Recently at a revival service I was listening to the pastor and he said you have to be either black or white, you can’t be light and darkness. Revelation 3:16 (NKJV)“So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.”Jesus understands those who are all in, or the ignorant who aren’t in at all, but for those who are lukewarm, he finds them vial. I didn’t know it but for so long I was not growing closer to Jesus. I thought it was good enough to just believe that Christ was real, and he was the way. Let me tell you, you cannot sit by and think your good is good enough. When you love someone you give your all for them, so why do we not give our all to our Lord and Savior? We are given so much from God, and we give in return the scraps of our life. We are so ungrateful, and when we live our lives with one hand on Jesus, and one hand on the world, the world will pull you to pieces. We must learn to not divide our attention, but instead give Jesus both hands. Colossians 3:23-24 (NKJV) 23 “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.” 

If my time in the Philippines taught me anything it was to appreciate God’s blessings in my life. People live happily with so much less then I have, and I need to learn to count my days, and appreciate that what I have is from the Lord, but more importantly, I’m rich in love.