Tag: iraq

Lian Yu (Purgatory)

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Lian Yu (Purgatory)

Before Christ we were trapped by sins in an eternal death. The Roman Catholics believe Purgatory is a state in between death and heaven where you expiating sin prior to entering the gates of heaven. This is the atoning for sin meaning to pay for or redeem. While the idea of there being a purgatory is highly controversial we won’t be getting into that debate. I am by no means trained well enough to go down that rabbit hole and open that can of worms. Instead, the purgatory we will discuss is the one inside our own minds, and the situations we find ourselves in. If purgatory is a form of prison it can be postulated that your own mind can be a prison. We know this because we have thoughts we often don’t want to, we remember things that bring feelings of pain of hurt. We often find ourselves in situations that bare similarities to those that we’ve been through before, almost as if history itself is being repeated. For some, being trapped in the past is the worst kind of Hades we can have. For others they get themselves into situations that are trouble over and over again. While I don’t believe this is a form of punishment while on this earthly plane of existence, I do believe that if we are repeating the same mistakes and we aren’t learning from them, then perhaps God is trying to get us to pass the test to move on. Other times we go through the same thing over and over because of our own choices, even if they are destructive.

I myself have experienced purgatory. When I returned from Iraq I found myself constantly expecting the next IED to go off, constantly scanned every place I went for insurgents trying to blend in. Every shadow there was the enemy lurking just waiting to attack. Then the thoughts came back of the war. All things considered I’d say my platoon and I were lucky. Yes we took casualties, but as many times as we were attacked the damage was superficial and rarely caused any injury. Even though that was the case, the attacks and the feelings that were left behind, where in fact imprinted and left behind for later reflection. Over time it felt as if those memories would show up and torture me at random. It felt as if I were a prisoner to them, my own personal purgatory.

In the last few years I’ve known several people who’ve gotten themselves into ruts of destructive behavior. They would claw themselves out only to get to the top of the mud hill and as soon as they got out, stand up, stretch, turn and swan dive back into the thick of it. One would guess they loved being in that destructive cycle. The truth is it’s harder then people think to break free. Once we are mentally trained for something it’s very difficult to break that cycle. There are a lot of factors that can play into it, where you live, your friends, the music you choose to listen too, even some shows you may watch. (Disclaimer: No I’m not blaming movies, or music, or video games for bad behavior. However there is enough evidence that some, i.e. a small percentage of the population are susceptible to suggestion from these outlets.) The truth is our hearts can and will be influenced by the things we surround ourselves with. Eventually it’s like ingesting small amounts of lead over time. It may not kill us right away, but eventually we will end up with lead poisoning. It’s best to avoid that stuff when we can. Find positive and influential things to fill your life with, either, friends, movies, churches, music, whatever it may be, as long as it’s going to lift up, rather then manipulate behavior in a negative way. 1 Peter 4:15-16 “15 But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men’s matters. 16 Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.”

So all that being said, how do we avoid entering into purgatory? Well, in a religious sense don’t be habitual sinners. If you are mean and cruel to people and bad things happen to you, chances are you brought that upon yourself. By changing our focus and changing our hearts and minds, giving up and sacrificing our worldly self to Christ, we can then move forward cleansed and free of old sins. Our daily walk should prevent us from entering into man made, self-made perpetual prisons. A purgatory for your mind is harder to achieve. Sometimes we have no control over the trauma’s we endure. I have always been a firm believe of a two pronged approach therapy. The first is for your mind, to actually work on the event that caused the issue. The second is for your heart, and that’s a spiritual journey by someone in the clergy. We can’t have one without the other because we must take care of both the heart and the mind. Both will influence the other, and both have to be in a healthy place and a healthy balance. Don’t allow yourself to be held prisoners by the horrors we may face. Find your spiritual footing and allow those people in ministry to help you. Do not create your own purgatory, instead allow yourself to freely walk away leaving everything behind that held you in chains. Repent for your sins and within that repentance remember it’s not just saying you’re sorry, it’s making an action to make up for the mistake. Mark 5:4 “because he had often been bound with shackles and chains, and the chains had been torn apart by him and the shackles broken in pieces, and no one was strong enough to subdue him.” Jesus freed us from the bonds of sin, and the eternal damnation that followed for it. It takes strength and dedication to overcome the chains of the world, the lustful desires that bind us to our prisons. Fight the sin urges, flee from sinful drama, and seek Godly counsel when in need. Always has if what you are doing glorifies God, and if you don’t think it will, or wouldn’t talk to your pastors or priest about what you are thinking of doing, it’s probably not a good idea to do it.

We can’t always help what happens to us, we can’t always help the scars it leaves behind, but how we choose to handle each of those situations, where we choose to get help for them will be the defining factor as to our eternal future. If life gets hard and you choose to turn to the bottle chances are that bottle will become your purgatory. If you choose to turn to the counsel of God, you’ll undoubtedly have better luck. Don’t create your own prisons, and don’t go searching for purgatory.

Making A Plan

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Making A Plan

All my life I had a plan, I knew how the plan was going to go, I knew how my life was going to unfold, and I knew how to execute the plan. Well, a day before I graduated high school the plan fell apart. ‘The defense department regrets to inform you that you have be found ineligible for the selection into the United States Marine Corps. “ Well, there went my plan. I was so certain I would make it into the Armed Services I barely spent any time on my college testing, and I had only applied to two universities. Both of which I was accepted to, though, I hadn’t planned for how I was going to pay for college. So my plan flew off the rails before it even got going. After a year of moving around a bit, I got a job but wasn’t satisfied with life. I was terrified of college and failing so I ran away from that as fast as I could. It was just by pure coincidence (if there is such a thing) that I ran into an Air Force recruiter in the store. I had talked to him about my denial letter and re suggested I reapply. A few months later I moved back home to live with my Grandfather, and I talked to my local recruiter. Everything was looking good, the process was going along smoothly, and away to MEPS I went. Something was wrong though. I didn’t feel the choices in the Air Force fit my personality and my drive. When I got back from MEPS my recruiter wasn’t there at the recruiting station. I was really upset by that, and I stormed into the Army recruiting office and started talking to them. Within 10 minutes I was headed home with a list of Army jobs, and a slew of information. I had at least 13 jobs circled for further review within the 15-minute drive home. This looked promising I said to myself. I went to MEPS again for the final time before I would ship out, the rest of my testing was done; the job selection process came up. Cavalry Scout was the dream job. There was only 1 slot open so we had to write an essay between two of us candidates. Mine was chosen and I advanced to get a ship date, 6-month wait.

For the next 6 months I would train, and I would enjoy the time I had left with close friends. I would be headed to Fort Knox for one station unit training, and while I was there I would get my duty station. I had signed up for a 1-year hardship in Korea. I figured, if I was going to go to war at least I could have some training in the Army first. During basic I was doing well, I was getting faster, stronger, and testing well. I was moving along to graduate then all of a sudden I ended up with MERSA and I was hospitalized for 4 days. I missed out on vital training, so instead of graduating with my class, I would be recycled through to the next class to graduate. This hit me like a ton of bricks. The plan wasn’t cooperating. I would graduate 6 weeks later then planned. I went to Korea and placed in my unit up at Camp Casey. 1 year in Korea wasn’t going to be so bad. I had a plan, and if I liked it I might even stay one more year after that. Except the plan wasn’t going to cooperate again. We as a unit were being removed from Korea, sent to Iraq and our new home location would be determined while we were in theater. I choose Korea because hardship duty stations didn’t deploy to other combat zones, or they hadn’t in almost 50 years. All that time and effort I spent getting away from the war for a little while just vanished in front of me.

While in country I would get hurt (non combat related) I would loose friends (combat related) and I would endure hardships. I would get home and try my best to keep making plans. Relationships wouldn’t go to plan, I would end up having surgery on my knee, I would get married, then get out of the military ahead of schedule. I moved, and then moved to Europe as a civilian military spouse. I would loose that marriage to an affair. I met a wonderful woman, eventually would marry her and then in time watch as my life was torn apart by yet another grisly affair.

So, that’s pretty much the last 15 years. I look back and I snicker at how well my best laid plans would work. I heard a quote just a couple weeks ago “Make the plan, Execute the plan, Expect the plan to go off the rails, Throw away the plan.” (The Flash) That statement couldn’t be truer. What does God think of our plans? Well, funny you should ask, Proverbs 15:22 “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” As we all know, even as much as we may want something, that doesn’t mean that’s what God has planned for us. Amos 3:7 “For the Lord God does nothing without revealing his secret to his servants the prophets.” Since we haven’t seen any prophets in a long time, it’s safe to say we often fly blind. Another saying to laugh about is “Tell God your plans and watch Him laugh.”

Living by following the cross, and doing our very best to listen to what God has planned for us is the closest we have to knowing plans will even partially work. When God closes a door we have a hard time understanding why, we have a hard time accepting no as an answer. For some it’s not a no, it’s just a not yet, but for others, their fate is down a different rabbit hole. We all know that the best-laid plan is to follow Christ. Read the scripture and the lessons left for us to follow and you can’t go wrong. Not all our plans are meant to work, some are because of our own doing, and some will fail because of others. The path your on doesn’t actually end, it just splits. It’s up to all of us to choose the path we feel lines closest to what God wants for us. James 4:13-17 “Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.”

I’ll leave you with this story as a close. August 2012, just three months before I was scheduled to be married I was out with my girlfriend and her father. She had just got a new Smith & Wesson Bodyguard semi automatic pistol. It’s a little .380 about the size of my hand. We’d been out shooting for a little while and I opted to shoot last. I was testing out the built in laser and I went to a knee to see how accurate it was. I held the gun steady and I squeezed the trigger. It jumped like no tomorrow as I felt a huge wave of air on my face. It felt like a book had been waved in front of my face, then hit me. I went to stand up, but I couldn’t see completely. My face was red hot, and I could feel the warm hot liquid poor from my face. I could feel it on my hand when I touched my face, and it was at that moment I realized I was in need of help. I turned around and dropped to a knee. We would later find the bullet casing had exploded in the chamber. It buckled the guns plastic, and peppered my eye protection with bits of shrapnel. Sadly my glasses didn’t protect my entire face and my cheek, nose, and forehead weren’t so lucky. My vision was saved due to the glasses, but to this day a piece of shrapnel still remains in my right cheek as the surgeon was unable to remove the tiny fragment in fear of doing more harm then good. Every day we went shooting we always planned and executed safety as best we could. On this particular day it happened to be, I was doing what I was supposed to, I wore what I was supposed to, but I was still injured. Thankfully the shrapnel wasn’t lower and it didn’t go through the artery in my neck. Even the best laid, most carefully thought out plans can quickly go to all Hades. Just remember that sometimes, when our plans go off the rails THAT may be part of the bigger plan after all.

Way Down in The Valley

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Way Down in The Valley

Way down in the valley I heard a mighty rawr, that rawr I hear is the lion, the lion of lions, the king of kings. I’ve been in the valley several times. I’ve been down where evil lays, the valley of death, the valley of darkness. We never know when we may slip into that valley, but when we do, finding our way out, who do we call?

When the darkness of death surrounds us, when we are at the height of despair who do we turn to? No matter how deep in the trenches you’re in, there’s always a path back to safety. When we’re in trouble we call 911. We rely on our emergency responders from the dispatchers that take the call to the paramedics and first responders, the law enforcement, and fire fighters that risk their safety to ensure our own. The emergency responders are rarely respected as they should be, and often go without the thanks they deserve. Our military run head long into danger and face the evils of this world, and do so, so our families can sleep safely at night. Psalm 23:4 “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”

We all know the Psalm, we have all heard it time and again. I’ve seen war, and I’ve seen death. I myself have faced the valley and traveled down its treacherous slopes many times. I’ve heard the sound of the trumpets of war as the end was near. The protection of the Angels wings would shield me and protect me in the midsts of danger. The fact that war is dangerous, the valley of death is not only dangerous by traditional means, there are many traps and pitfalls that await us. The part of Psalm 23’s  verse that is sadly not heard often of is Psalm 23:1-3 “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.” It isn’t just about the Valley we fight in, it’s about the peace of mind that God is with us even in the midst of battle.

Revelations 21:4 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” The followers of Christ will have sanctuary in Heaven. If you are not, the future doesn’t look so bright. Revelation 21:8 “But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”

No matter the fear, or the sorrow we face, know that God is always with us. Our choices may be difficult, and we may not always know the direction to take, but it is in these moments we must seek Godly counsel and find our path. Every time I was close to death, or I found myself under attack, I knew that God was with me. I could feel God’s presence, and I knew that I had the protection of the Angels around me. In those moments of terror, it is then you know how far your faith will take you. It is then my belief would become unwavering. As I found myself feeling eerily calm, and the fear was near non-existent, the only thing I could think of was God protecting me. When danger is staring us in the face, stair back with conviction knowing that God is with you, always.

 

 

 

God Provides

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God Provides

Have you ever noticed how when you are faithful God provides exactly what you need when you need it? You may not have extra, but the need is provided.

I can’t help but feel a sense of gratitude towards God and all my friends who’ve helped me through this tempestuous time. As the time has gone on I began to question if the storm would ever subside. Galatians 6:9 “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” If I am not mistaken this verse tells us to continue to try and even when things are going well and we’ve poured our time and effort into the good and bad times, to not grow weary.

When times continue and our desires, the things we wish the most are not given to us it’s hard to be patient. Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Being patient is hard for us little humans. Finding inner peace is not easy. I’ve spent the last 8 months searching for peace, and every time I think I’ve found it, every time I think I have made progress I stumble and fall backwards again. I try to follow John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

 The truth is I am afraid. I’m afraid I am not good enough for someone to make them happy. I am afraid I am meant for nothing more then a basic security officer never destined to amount to any kind of greatness. I have spent a lifetime judging my own success on what others think of me, my success within my relationships, and my career. In the last 8 months I have lost every bit of what I judged my own success, my own self worth. My biggest problem has always been my fear of being alone. I still fear being alone, and I still fear failing.

I know that God will provide what I need when it’s time, and I have faith that God will not want me to be alone forever, just for the time being. The hardest thing to do is to have faith especially when you’re hurting. As faithful when the sun rises, and the sun setting, knowing the world will still turn, and life will continue to move on, we must believe that the God of all things will not fail us. Surviving the desert was a miracle under the circumstances. While there however I saw some of the most beautiful sunsets and sun rises. It always reminded me that God was always there and in control.

Bat signal in the sky

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Bat signal in the sky

How do you know Jesus is next to you? Is it the warm feeling in your heart when something special happens, when something works out despite all odds? What if you could look to the sky, and see the signal to let you know God was still watching over you, would that give you comfort? When the disciples where walking with Jesus for 3 years even after all the miracles He preformed they still doubted the true nature of who He was. Even if there was some sort of Jesus symbol in the sky just as the Bat signal didn’t stop all crime, there would still be doubters in the world.

In my life there’s been enough evidence for me to believe that Christ not only existed, but also was the Son of God. John 20:29 “Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.” Even Thomas who had followed for 3 years didn’t believe without actually feeling the holes in Jesus’s hands and side. If someone who lived with Jesus for that long could doubt, it’s understandable how we could doubt even today. James 1:6 “But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” When we feel lost and feel like we cannot go on any further we must look to the sky and pray. Even if the signal in the sky isn’t there, we must know that God is always watching.

Let’s people know he’s still out there, let those who are weary know that Jesus is with them. Be there for those who need help. Take comfort in knowing that no matter the circumstances you find yourself in Christ our God is still with us. Find your own signal, find something you can grasp onto to remind yourself He’s watching. The bat signal in the sky was a way to tell Batman there was trouble, but also to remind criminals the Bat was still there. We too can find and keep our own signal. When I was in Iraq I kept a small Gideon’s Bible in the breast pocket of my uniform under my body armor. This was a constant reminder to me that God was always with me. As beat up as that bible is now I no longer carry it, but I have found other things to remind me. Now I wear a ring with the Armor of God passage. Every time I look down I am reminded of how precious my time is here, and how every step I take God is always with me. It’s not always easy to have faith, but we need to know, when we really need it God will always be there for us, because even when we don’t need His help, Gods with us. Pray earnestly always and have faith even when you cannot see.

Survivors Guilt

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Survivors Guilt

It’s been 12 years since the day it happened. 12 years ago the way I perceived time and life, the way I viewed my enemies, and the day I questioned my own self worth all changed. I don’t recall the time of day, or even the day of the week, but in Iraq none of that really matters unless you have a mission briefing, or a start time for the mission. The mission itself was simple, Early morning sunrise our mission started. Due to my injury I was a dismount during the mission. I was moved from my normal truck to dismount for someone else. We where looking for ways insurgents might be smuggling weapons into Ramadi. Our mission was to travel along the railroad tracks, and mark on GPS possible points small cars could fit through, and bypass our checkpoints. My knee killing me, and still slightly swollen I sat in back of the Humvee looking out the window. We where coming up to the railroad tracks, and the dirt cross over when a sinking gut feeling came over me. I’d never had a feeling like this before, but I felt I had to say something. I told my driver to look out for wires. He responded “Are you afraid of IED’S?” My feeling in my gut wouldn’t go away. The mission continued as normal. We went from point to point logging them, and noting them on the GPS. On our way back we stopped at a house to talk to the owner. Waiting outside and keeping watch I could hear the discussion going on at the front door. He had a single AK, but several magazines. According to law he could have 1 rifle, and 2 magazines. He argued they where for alibaba, or thiefs. Regardless, the man was forced to give up the rest of his mags. It was about that time I was looking over toward the railroad tracks. I didn’t know what I was looking at, at the time. I saw the plume of smoke first, and then the sound wave hit me. The biggest boom I’d ever heard, and the biggest bloom of smoke I’d ever seen. In the midst of the black smoke I could see a tan object 200 feet in the air. I refused to believe I saw what I thought I saw. Then our squad leader yelled IED. That’s when I realized what was had happened.

 

                                    NOTE THE FOLLOWING IS VERY GRAFIC

 We all raced back to the truck, and before the doors where shut we where hauling our butts back up to the tracks. We rounded the corner at what seemed like 60 mph. It came over the radio that Saber 4 was the truck hit. Coming up the hill we could see the truck. It looked to be in two pieces. (Out of respect of the families I’ll be keeping their names private.) I jumped out and went to the back of the truck to grab the Aid bag. Running as fast as I could with my knee still swollen, I came to the first person I could see. I recognized the mangled body instantly. A close friend of mine lay there lifeless, pale, and unresponsive. His wounds where extensive, he had massive lacerations on both legs, cuts on his neck and arms. He had a very low pulse, but before starting compressions I wanted to tie off his legs. If he where to survive I knew he’d loose his legs. I tied the tunicate as tight as I could, but it didn’t seem to matter how tight I pulled. The rope just wasn’t getting the job done. I did the best I could with it, and moved on to compressions. I check again for a pulse but this time I felt nothing. I started compressions. I pushed hard over and over. I counted each thrust, and then felt for a pulse again. I felt a low pulse, and waited for a medic. A medic I thought, our medic was in this truck! Where was he? Again feeling for a pulse and there wasn’t one. I needed to keep his heart going. I started compressions again, this time I wouldn’t stop. I pushed and pushed. I don’t know how long I pushed but eventually one of the other medics came up to me, and knelt down next to me. He reached for a pulse and said there wasn’t one. Based on how soft his chest was, and the lack of blood, Doc called him gone KIA, killed in action. I screamed at him that he wasn’t gone, but doc told me I had to let him go. I screamed no at him again, that I felt a pulse. He said something to me again, but I wasn’t listening, I was doing compressions again. Doc grabbed me from behind and pulled me off and held me in his arms. “He’s gone (My Name) .” He said softly in my ear. He held me while I struggled to get free. “(My Name) he’s gone.” He said again. I relaxed my muscles and he let me know. I leaned back to my friend. I closed his eyes, and covered his face with his fractured vest. I stood up in a fog. I looked around for our medic. Where was he? I was still unsure at what all was happening. I asked my squad leader. He was still missing. Looking around I saw a tan object about 40 meters away in the water. I asked if that was him, and was told it was too far. Leaving my rifle behind by my fallen friend I walked the road looking for my missing medic friend. He had to be in the water. He was driving. He was on that side, but wasn’t on the hill. I slid down the side of the hill, and left my vest aside. I slipped into the freezing cold water. Another buddy got in on the other side of the pond and swam to the same tan colored object I saw. I looked at his face when he got there. It told me everything I needed to know. He was gone, but I just didn’t know how bad, or the images that would haunt my dreams. He swam to me to get our friend out of the water. Lifting him out I saw how bad the injuries where. The explosion severed everything from belly button down. By this time several of the guys met us at the top of the hill to help lift our fallen medic out of the water. The side of the hill was mud, and while lifting my footing slipped, and I fell forward. I landed face first on doc’s stomach. Barely holding it together I pushed myself up and after they got Doc up and on the stretcher, a few of the guys went back to the water to look for more remains. I was helped out of water and up the hill. I grabbed my vest, my rifle, and still in a haze made my way back to my truck. I put my vest back on, and stood there looking around with a fog over my head. The captain who looked at my knee just days before was in critical, the only survivor. Our platoon Sergeant was also killed. We mounted up to escort our friend back to camp to get him off on a helicopter to Baghdad. In the 5 minute drive back radio traffic told us Doc didn’t make it. The first physician assistant to be killed during the war in Iraq. By the time we got back the Charlie med we were greeted with two of our great female medic friends. Getting down from the humvee they asked who. I didn’t realize how I said it till it came out of my mouth, but it was cold, and blunt. I couldn’t feel anything, I was still processing. All the medics much like the scouts where close friends. The girls cried, and us guys where angry. My truck commander crabbed me and swore we’d find um and kill um. I nodded in agreement. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to think.

Since then I have found myself replaying that day over in my head from time to time. The days where my anxiety is higher, or something happens to remind myself of worse times. I was then and occasionally now suffer from what’s known as survivor’s guilt. Along with the events of that dreadful day, I have an abundance of other trauma’s and my own run ins with Hell on Earth. I felt guilty for years that my gut was telling me something was wrong that day. Even though I did say something, it didn’t matter though the outcome was the same. 12 years later I still feel guilty and ashamed. I know in my heart there was nothing more I could have done to save anyone, or prevent the tragedy from happening, but my head lies to me. Now I have gone through my own physical traumas and I am faced with a new problem every day. I do hope and pray that one day I might find myself more at peace, not just from my time in Iraq, but times from before, and after.

It’s not easy loosing loved ones to cheating, or other means. The first thing is to evaluate reasonably the level of guilt that is owed to you. No one is innocent when a relationship ends, but to what level is the culpability of guilt. When we look at the Gospel we see a man Crucified that was innocent of any wrongdoing. He died to free us from eternal damnation. His death left us with hope. It is in that hope that I find comfort. No matter how hard my day, no matter how badly I feel I remember that I am a faithful child of the King. I will one day take up my place in the Kingdom and live in peace and harmony. I will not only see my loved ones who’ve died before me, but all my friends from Iraq, not just the 4 from that day, but everyone we lost. I will also see my friends who’ve died over the years. With as many people as I’ve lost close to me you’d think I was in my 60’s or 70’s. Sadly that’s not the case.

There are several lies the Devil tells to us and it’s our job to fight them.

Lie #1 You were supposed to die.

This couldn’t be further from the truth. If it were your time God would have taken you. If you’ve survived it was for a purpose, a greater meaning. We never know what our worth is, and what our part to play is. We may not always be directly responsible for something great, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t have a role to play.

LIE #2: YOU OWE A DEBT TO THE DEAD.

You don’t owe the dead anything. You owe it to yourself and those around you to honor the deads memory. You must continue to live so the memory of your friends or those you couldn’t save can live on in our hearts.

LIE #3: YOU COULD HAVE PREVENTED THE DEAD FROM DYING.

Unless you’re God, which you aren’t, you cannot control if someone lives or dies. Firefighters can’t save everyone. Police can’t save everyone. Paramedics can’t save everyone, and it’s not practical to think we have the power to alter the plan. We may not always know why God takes a little child, or the honor roll student and not the drug dealer, but again the big picture we can’t see. We must have faith in God.

LIE #4: YOU ARE LESS WORTHY THAN THE PEOPLE WHO DIED.

This is just utter nonsense. Feeling down about your own self worth, thinking they were a better man, or woman then you, thinking the world would have been a better place without you and have them instead is just nonsense. Even if we could see into the future, we are all special. We’ve all overcome great odds just to be born. The Lord doesn’t make mistakes. When the world is hard, and we feel low and discouraged, that’s when it’s most important to turn to the Lord and ask for help. Seek Godly counsel from close friends who live for the Lord.

LIE #5: YOU ARE DEFINED BY YOUR PAST.

This is the one I struggle with most. In my past I am worried that telling people of my past they judge me on it. That somehow everything I’ve gone through will one day come back to haunt me. My past is what has molded me to be the man I am. I wouldn’t be here Blogging, or helping others, getting involved with ministry, had it not been for the horrible things that happened. Why was I bullied as a child, why did I move around so much, why did I loose so many friends, why have I lost two loves in my life? The answer is never simple, but it was part of the plan. We must not be our own worst critics in defining our future by our past. Make every day a new day and believe in yourself. It’s hard for others to believe in us if we don’t show ourselves the same amount of respect. Don’t let your past define you future. Put your past behind you, and focus on the good you can pull from it. Focus on the stories the testimony you can offer to those struggling through similar times.

After loosing two loves from my life I often feel similar symptoms to a death in the family. Someday my princess will come into my life. Someday I will find a place to build my castle to call Camelot. Someday I’ll find my peace in this world. Someday the battle will be over and God wiling I will be able to make and have my own family. Patience if seems is my biggest fight. I have faith.

Don’t let go, don’t give up because you may have lived to leave behind a great legacy. Don’t stunt your own growth by living in the past. When you live in the past you miss your present, and destroy your future. We only get one shot at this life, and because of it, we need to have fun. Enjoy life, and God will provide for us the fruits of our labor, and replace the suffering with adulation and love.

 

Collateral Damage

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Collateral Damage 

In life we are promised salvation, but we aren’t promised a life without pain or suffering. In my past I have questioned why God would let bad things happen to me, I would question why I was destined for so much pain. The truth is neither simple nor straightforward, but what is clear is that God allows free will to reign on this planet. Other people’s decisions are often the cause of unintended misfortune. The greatest of truths is we have the power to follow the path set before us, to listen to what God wants by paying attention. When we stray from that path we will find obstacles we weren’t intended to face. When others make choices against Gods plan or design we are often the collateral damage. Every day on this planet a hidden war is being waged and there are always casualties in war. We may not be able to see the battles being waged but trust to know it’s real. The battles are for the very annihilation of our salvation to Christ. The Devil wants nothing more to stop as many souls from joining God in heaven. What better way to fight for someone’s soul then to fire as many volleys as you can to constantly push them back, force someone to always be on the defensive. When the Devil gets an edge he won’t quit, he’ll never stop fighting to break the bond between God and you. God has soldiers on this planet. God has chosen people to fight for him, people of faith, who will stop at nothing then to gather and build the flock. He wants his soldiers to follow the 11 Apostles who went out into the world and taught his word. The devil wants to destroy those soldiers and as promised in the Word, to be Christian is to face suffering, to face pain, to be targeted. Our pain is part of the war. We mustn’t let the Devils attacks draw us away from the battlefield. We must remember when we feel outnumbered and we feel like surrender, the words God has spoken. Ephesians 6;12 “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” 2 Corinthians 10:3-4 “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.”

Emergency Preparedness Kit

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Emergency Preparedness Kit

 I enjoy hiking and camping. I love going out into the woods and seeing what nature has to offer. To be surrounded by all of Gods glory what does it mean to you? Some people hate the idea of being in the woods. The bugs, the heat, the humidity, some people just hate it. Me, I thrive on walking in the woods, going on hikes, long and short. It’s not the hike itself we’re going to talk about today; it’s being prepared for it.

When I was in Iraq I was known for one thing and that was being prepared for as many contingencies as possible. I would consider as many outcomes of a mission as possible and I would pack my bag with as many things I could carry that I thought would be needed. When I go hiking I do the same. My boots, my belt, my emergency kit in my bag, my hand held GPS, my binoculars, fire starters, mirrors, even as much as my Phoenix strobes (night vision strobes). I try to plan for as much as possible. What happens if I fall and break or sprain something? What happens if I get turned around and lost in the woods? What happens if something bites me? What do I do if the worst-case scenario happens? Will I be prepared for it? How do you go about preparing yourself for the worst-case scenario?

When I am getting ready for my hike I think about where I’m going. I think about the weather for the next 24 hours. I think about the amount of water I would need, how long could I go without food? I consider what kind of terrain I’m walking and what I can do for shelter or long term water. I have everything in a pack I can carry. I always have a little extra water, I always have a few extra protein bars, and I always tell someone where I’m going. Not everyone plans ahead as I do.

It’s always a good idea to plan ahead because Private Murphy is always lurking around the corner. What can go wrong, will go wrong. And sadly it usually does. As many times as I’ve gone hiking, or out playing around in the wilderness so far I’ve never needed the emergency kit, but for the same reason I take it day in and day out on my travels, why do we keep insurance on homes or cars? It’s not a matter of if it’ll happen, but what if it does and you aren’t prepared for it. I would rather have it and never use it, then need it and not have it. I have insurance on my home, but pray to God I never have to use it.

What does all this have to do with God? Matthew 24:44 “Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.” Will you be ready when the wolf growls at your door? Will you be ready when Satin decides it’s your time? The Devil will find you when you least expect it, and that’s when the enemy will attack you. 1 Peter 3:15 “But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect,” The day may come when the fight comes to you, are you faithful in the Lord to withstand the attacks? The power of the Word Of God, is how we prepare. God is my Emergency preparedness Kit. Through God I can withstand the attacks by the wicked one. It’s not about wishing the fight will never come it’s about being able to fireproof, to guard and withstand the flaming arrows. The fight will come one day, the battles will happen whether you like it or not. Matthew 25:13 “Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour.” Police officers wear body armor knowing that have it but pray they never need it. As such we have the tools to do so also. Ephesians 6:11 “11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.”

When the day comes I hope your emergency kit is solid and ready to go. As for mine, I have my kit for hiking, and for life, I have my God. God is my emergency preparedness kit.

ONCE WE WERE SOLDIERS, ALWAYS A SOLDIER.

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ONCE WE WERE SOLDIERS, ALWAYS A SOLDIER.

On September 18th many years ago this young lad stood before a Captain in the United States Army. He rose his right hand, and repeated the Oath of Enlistment. That oath is as follows: “ I, _____, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.” What does that mean? Oaths, and solemnly swearing, and of all things to God! Websters dictionary defines an oath as “a (1) :  a solemn usually formal calling upon God or a god to witness to the truth of what one says or to witness that one sincerely intends to do what one says (2) :  a solemn attestation of the truth or inviolability of one’s words The witness took an oath to tell the truth in court.” As a former soldier I took my oath seriously. As circumstances would have it I wouldn’t stay in my position to the term of my contract.

During the time I spent as a soldier I witnessed the forming of a brotherhood. I witnessed laughter, fear, sadness, and unfortunately I even witnessed death and murder. Someone once told me that even though they never served they understand the hardships and trauma that we veterans face. I don’t wish to speak for all veterans, but it annoys me when a civilian says they understand, or worse when they say military life is a choice so the consequences should be thought of and soldiers shouldn’t cry so much about it. For me that oath never went away when I got out. When I got out my mission became helping other veterans. We will never be civilians. Since civilians will never understand, we only have one another. Just because I don’t wear the uniform anymore doesn’t mean I am released from my oath. And it doesn’t mean the mission is over, it’s just changed. The Soldiers Creed says it best and I feel it rings true even after you take the uniform off that last time.

Soldiers Creed

 I am an American Soldier.

I am a Warrior and a member of a team. I serve the people of the United States and live the Army Values.

I will always place the mission first.

I will never accept defeat.

I will never quit.

I will never leave a fallen comrade.

I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills. I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.

I am an expert and I am a professional.

I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the United States of America in close combat.

I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.

I am an American Soldier.

The bold sections are to be paid close attention. What is the mission? When you wear the uniform the mission is whatever you’re told it is. Take the hill, sweep the motor pool, raid this house, and mow this yard. Defeat is never an option. Tactical retreats are one thing, but surrender is never a card to be played on any table. The Devil will task you, test you, and push you to your limits. You must never quit fighting, never quit pushing to accomplish the mission. Today’s mission is brothers and sisters. The fight isn’t over when that uniform comes up. When you get that DD-214 it isn’t the end, it’s just the beginning of a new mission… Reintegration. They want us to fit in with Civilians. Sure some will fit in better then others, some the process is easier then it is on others, but the truth is, once a soldier always a solider. The truth holds true for a lot of veterans that military members don’t like civilians. We are brothers and sisters in arms. We have a bond most civilians will never understand.

The mission today is simple. Love God, Live by God’s word, protect fellow service men and women, raise awareness for Veteran Suicide, help other veterans when they are struggling with life’s hurdles, and live up to the code. Never leave a comrade behind. John 15:13 “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” King David considered to be one of the most beloved war hero’s in the Bible wrote the book of Psalms. Psalms 144:1-2 “Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle; 2 he is my steadfast love and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield and he in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples[a] under me.” Those who train for war see war, see and carry a cross, a burden for which most should never see. War is ugly, and during a war we fight, we serve, we protect our brothers and sisters. Sadly sometimes you can take the man out of the war, but you can’t take the war out of the man. The struggle, the storm often rages on deep inside, though no one can see those scars. Ecclesiastes 3:8 “A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.” Getting to peace is the hardest part. It takes a soldier to be there for a soldier.

Today there will be an average of 20-22 Veteran Suicides. The struggle for veterans across the country to handle and cope with life and finding a new place in this world is the most difficult fight a veteran will face. When we see violence it’s difficult if impossible to remove that horror from our souls. For me, I found my purpose; I found my talent, and my new mission. Never underestimate how important it is to focus your energy on positivity. For each and every veteran who returns home the new mission will be slightly different. No person will be giving you orders in the same way, but listen to God’s direction. Don’t loose hope, and certainly don’t give up the fight. To all veterans, not just the Army, God Bless, and keep up the fire.

Death The Final Frontier

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Death The Final Frontier

It will come for us all. The race will end and then the beginning is new. Death comes for everyone, man, women, child, but through the multitudes only a few will enter the gates of heaven. Several verses particularly talk about heaven.

John 3:5 “Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and [of] the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.” Let the waters of Christ wash away your sins. Be reborn in the waters and give your struggles to the Lord.

1 Corinthians 6:9 “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,” We all will make mistakes, but in our mistakes, in our sins, we can find forgiveness. We can trust in the Lord if we can give ourselves to the lord and leave the lusts of the world behind.

Matthew 7:21-23 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.”

1 Corinthians 15:50-52 “I tell you this, brothers: flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed.”

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

Daniel 12:2-3 “And many of those who sleep in the dust of the earth shall awake, some to everlasting life, and some to shame and everlasting contempt. And those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the sky above; and those who turn many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever.”

Matthew 7:13-14 “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.”

Psalm 23:4 “4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

 We don’t know what our future holds. We don’t know when the living life as we know it will pass into the past. The life we live has a finite amount of days to it. We love people, we loose them, and sadly there isn’t anything we can do to change that. Recently I lost a family member that was very dear to my heart. His passing was a bit of a surprise albeit he had some health issues. The pain doesn’t go away or diminish just because they were sick. What we have done, we’ve done, the time will come when we have to answer for our actions. God never asks anything in return except our hearts. God wants us to turn away from the world and focus on Him. The Valley of Death is a scary place. As I have seen death, seen it so up close, of watching my friends die in front of me, watching family wither away and die, and myself nearly dying on more then one occasion. What I have found is death isn’t something to fear. We may never know our time or our importance on this little floating ball in this big ol’ universe, but what we do know is if we have what it takes to make it through that narrow gate, then we too will know peace. If death comes for us know that it’s your divine time to go home. As my uncle’s body returns to the ash from whence it came, peace comes knowing beyond a doubt he made it home. True peace knows that it’s not the depths of the oceans, the expanses of space that are the Final Frontier; it’s the Kingdom of heaven. Do not suffer in loss but rejoice in it. Have faith in the word, and when your time comes, you too will welcome death as an old friend.