Tag: iraq

Extinguish the Fire

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Extinguish the Fire

We always talk about fire both being life saving and life destroying. I know for me, I came to God in pieces, and was healed. I found a God who loved me and forgave me of my sins. I trusted in the Lord and the Lord has led me to a brighter, healthier life. I felt the fire in my heart, and every day I take time to add logs to fuel that fire, to keep it burning bright. Our faith should be a raging fire in our very souls. Our faith should have us on fire for the Lord, and we should be burning with desire to spread and share the Gospel to all we encounter. We sing to praise the Lord. We dance to praise our Lord. We fellowship, and give to praise our Lord, because the God above is a loving God, full of Mercy, and Grace, and Redeeming power. We must continue to add fuel to our fire, we must stay in the word, stay in fellowship as to not let our fire go out. We must be revived every day by the burning love of the Holy Spirit.

Many of us, especially men, especially veterans who live with PTSD, anger, sadness, despair, hopelessness, and so many other emotions are floating around either at the surface, or just beneath the surface hidden from sight. How do we manage to fight feelings when we aren’t sure are even there? We must learn to face our fears, stop allowing our emotions to control us. We must learn to identify our feelings and find ways to manage them. We cannot expect to be without our feelings. They are apart of us, and we need to have them. We mustn’t forget we are people, we can be wounded, and we must understand that it’s in those times we need help in our journey, our Odyssey of healing. Check the facts and question if the facts support your feeling. We must learn to understand why we feel the way we do. We must learn to expect sometimes with PTSD our feelings aren’t justified, so we must learn why and how to change that. We must learn to pray for the peace we seek. We must learn to turn the other cheek and be better at controlling the anger that most of us feel inside. Feelings of inadequacy, guilt, or even self loathing can cause feelings of anger, or the opposite cold and numb. We cannot allow ourselves as heads of our households to be consumed by PTSD. We must learn to rise above and come to grips with the past and chose to no longer allow it to direct your path. You are in control, and you are strong enough to face the wounds and start the healing process. When you are feeling anger we can use distractions, meditations, opposite actions, self-soothing, breathing, and a plethora of other ways that are healthy and effective in changing the nature of the distressing emotion.

Learning skills and putting them into use is never easy. Learning how to reprogram your brain to handle intense emotions more effectively is perhaps one of the hardest things you’ll every challenge yourself to achieve. Therapies such as DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) Or CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy) can be highly effective if the effort is put into use. Like anything else the brain takes repetition to learn, and if done enough correctly, your brain will learn the muscle memory and will slowly begin to alter your perception. Studies also show that a person who has a stronger faith will recover from tragedy much faster then those without. Psalm 93:4“4 Mightier than the thunders of many waters, mightier than the waves of the sea, the Lord on high is mighty!”The Lord is power, and with great power, the Lord is merciful and loving. We are loved and by grace we are saved. In our journey to find emotional enlightenment, and peace, I would recommend understanding that this journey is a difficult one, and once you learn the tools, putting them to use is the key. Just like a newborn in your faith, it takes time and energy. Proverbs 9:10“10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” Start the journey and stay on track. You’ll have your moments where you get off the rails, but that’s to be expected. Find brothers and sisters in Christ and ask them to help you on your journey, and to help keep you accountable. We have the ability to let go of some of our emotional baggage, so we need to learn how to drop that weight. Focus on the good and positive things even in the midst of crisis. Never forget that it’s okay to fail as long as you learn, and it’s okay to fall as long as you get back up. Put out the fire of the anger and hate in your heart, and replace it with the burning fire of the Holy Spirit. Find your inner peace by opening your heart and mind to the Lord. Find peace in the love that was shed for all of us in life, overcoming death. Be deliberate in your feelings, and loving others as we are also loved. God bless.

 

 

Forks

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Forks

I do not know my path. The way forward is unclear, covered by the fog of life. I have struggled to see but time has not been good to me. The weight of my past is weighing heavily on me today. I often wonder how and if I can change my tomorrow. The future is never quite what we imagined it would be. As I look back I often wonder where did things go so wrong. The present seems so foreign yet here we are. We face our day tall and with dignity. Tomorrow will come ready or not. Each path along the way is as different as the next. Today I pray for the sight to see, to know which is best for me.

Casting Crowns has a song called, Praise You In This Storm. In the song it describes the storm raging on and struggling to hear the Holy Spirit. Every day is a struggle for me now to face what I don’t have, long for the things I had, and focus on where to go from here. Facing divorce when it wasn’t your choice is hard. Facing the loss of friends in the middle of the storm is hard. Even though the fire’s hot, I know the tempered sword that will be removed. I know today that the Lord is with me as I fight my daily struggle. Though my heart is torn in many directions, I know the healing power of Jesus lives in me, and as I lift my eyes to the Lord, I know peace will come. I cannot say my storm will end soon, but I know that one day the sun will part the clouds and the sunny meadow will be mine. No matter where I am I know the Lord is, no matter what I face, the Lord is by my side giving me the courage to wake up and face another day.

Despite so much pain, so much suffering, I say bless the Lord because the Lord has blessed me. No matter all the struggles that have come I trust in the Lord with all my might. There are 10,000 reasons to love, to cherish the Lord because the Angels from on high watch over me. When I lay my head down to rest I feel the Holy Spirit comforting me. When I wake in the morning, I feel the love of the many blessings in my life. In my sorrow I pray to the Lord and just like the days of old I sing Hosanna in the highest because the Lord comforts the weary. I may not know which way to go, but the Lord has saved my soul. Romans 4:20-22“20 No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, 21 fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. 22 That is why his faith was “counted to him as righteousness.”The struggle day to day is not one for my soul, it’s for the world of Man, and because I know my soul is secured in the faith of God, I know that tomorrow is another day, and then after will be another, and the day after that, and one day my worldly struggle will be over. Freedom was bought for me, and when I step back looking at the big picture, this struggle is nothing in the grand scheme of life.

No matter where I am today, or tomorrow, the truth hasn’t changed, and I know the blood of Jesus saves me. It amazes me how so many ask me how I can praise Jesus in these times of struggles. It amazes me how many people don’t know or accept the power of the Lord. Perhaps it’s because I’ve seen with my own eyes the healing power, to holy power of the spirit. The day’s may be covered in fog, but we don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but my God was on the throne yesterday, today, and will be tomorrow. When I don’t know which way to go, I take a step back and praise my King. I take a step back and look at who I am now verses who I was yesterday. I have grown in my walk, and I know that it’s the Lord that’s seen me through, and who’s saved me from myself. The Lord has blessed me with gifts, and I use them to now just reach others with the word of the Lord, but to remind myself why I fight. No matter the questions that I face today, I have to remember that a part of me died, and now I breathe because of my savior. I saw grace and in my struggles I know I am being pulled through. I’m alive and I live with the light of God inside me. Psalm 71:20“20 You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again.”While I have pain I’m alive, and while I’m broken, Jesus isn’t done with me. He’s still healing my heart. I’m alive, and every step I take, I will close my eyes, and allow the Holy, Holy Lord to guide me into tomorrow. James 1:5“5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”I will walk away leaving a part of me behind, and while some days I will miss the old me, the broken shall be mended by the blood of the Lord, and a new me exists in his place. I’m alive, and no fork in the road will stop me from pursuing my Lord, my King.

I’m not a quitter

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I’m not a quitter

There are days, days like today, when all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs and question what in the ever livin bleep am I doing. There are days when doing the right thing is perhaps the hardest thing to do. The frustrations that can often comes with doing the right thing, and yet finding the strength to maintain ones composure is as difficult as it comes. On days like today, all I can do is sit back and pray for guidance in a tumultuous world.

It’s never an easy thing controlling the emotions inside when someone hurts you. What’s the old saying, ‘when someone hurts you, hurt them worse.’? I’m glad Jesus didn’t decide to go with that mantra. Could you imagine what would have happened to the world if Jesus had decided to hurt us worse then we hurt him? It’s a scary thought. We have it in our selves to either be very kind, or incredibly cruel. Revenge is the lifestyle so many people will follow and it’s such a destructive path. It’s important to understand why we must remain patient. It’s important to understand why we must hold ourselves to a higher standard then petty retribution.

I have allowed people to stay around and I have put myself on the line over and over giving them a chance to change. I have watched as they have stayed on the roller coaster bring everyone along with them. I have watched as they’ve had good days, great weeks, and bad ones. I have watched as some days I’m treated well and with plenty of respect, and then days like today where I am treated with such little regard it feels like I have taken a punch from superman straight to the chest. I ask myself on days like this why do I stick around? I have no real reason to anymore. I stay because I feel when there is darkness even the smallest bit of light can bring forth change.

When I find myself questioning why I’m a nice person, I think of Jesus and what he said on the cross. “Today you will be with me in heaven.” He looked to the father and asked for the forgiveness of us, the people, the foolish, greedy, selfish people governed by sin and hateful hearts. We brought forth the worst kind of pain known at the time, and we tore flesh from his body, we hammered nails through his hands and feet. We hung him in a position that would cause him to asphyxiate under his own body weight. Through all of that, we were forgiven of our sins. We have learned very little since then. We still rape and murder, and steal, and lie and cheat. We still hurt people for our own personal gain, and we recklessly destroy peoples lives. How do we deserve mercy, and forgiveness, the answer is neither simple nor easy, it’s grace. Love is greater then all things, and is superior then hate. Love will always concur hate, and even if I have to remind myself every day, I might one day make a difference.

As hurt as I am, and as broken as I feel, I have to pick myself up, and keep pushing forward. While I don’t know where my tomorrow will lead me, I know I cannot abandon those I care for. Even if I feel hope is lost, I have to remind myself that through God all things are possible. I walk by faith, and in my faith I’m not always strong, but when I am weak God is with me. Today I’m weak and don’t know where to go. I don’t feel strong, and I don’t feel courageous. I know the only place I can turn is my Lord and Savior. I know that my heart is in pain, but trusting in the Lord is the only way I will ever heal. I know the Devil would love nothing more then to see me break down, throw in the towel and walk away. The Devil aims to destroy, to tear down the foundations of the lives built around Christ. Today I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, but tonight I shall go to bed, and God willing wake up in the morning and God willing a new perspective on tomorrow. Right now I need a little hope, and a sign that tonight I’m not alone.

I Forgive All

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I Forgive All

My whole life I have faced abuse. My whole life I have run from the monsters that have been my tormentors. My struggle started early in my life. I faced bullies, and teasing that turned physical, and I never knew why. The teasing started around 1994-1995 fourth or fifth grades. I found myself being teased for the clothes I wore, or the way I looked. I was teased for the way I sounded, and even the girl I had a crush on, the sheer thought that she may actually like me in return. Obviously she didn’t, and I knew that, but to those who found out, it made for a good joke. I found myself imagining I was somewhere else, or someone else. I would let my imagination run wild in pretending I was a superhero saving the world, or a half elf chasing fame in Dungeons and Dragons quests. I would find anything I could do to pretend I was anyone else. Halloween was my favorite holiday because for one night a year I could be someone else. I could be something else. I would pray to God every night to save me from my situation. I would pray every day that I would be removed from my hell on earth and I would pray at times to just die, and be rid of all the pain I was in. Every day became a struggle for me to get out of bed and move forward. I found myself afraid of going to school as the teasing had turned physical by the time I was through middle school. Year after year as my bullies got bigger I struggled to get away from the constant pushing, taking my things, or even the swirly. And still I prayed, but it wasn’t till years later my prayers would finally be answered. By the point I would leave I would have moved out from home multiple times. I would suffer further life changing trauma’s and then to pour salt in the wounds I would be teased for nearly loosing my only parent. I was surrounded by pain everywhere I looked, and still I prayed. I can remember night after night dropping to my knees and praying for relief, but night after night my prayers went unanswered.

 

I can remember the first Christian song I’d learn, it was the song that would forever change my life and it wasn’t just the song that changed my life it was whom I learned the song from. His name was John, and he loved the Lord. We met on the track team my sophomore year of high school. I hadn’t been in my new school long before we met, and we quickly became good friends. It wasn’t long before he began to open up to me about his faith. I had always been a believer of God but I had never met anyone as passionate about Jesus as he was. As the months went by he would continue to tell me about Jesus and I would listen and I was amazed how much Christ had changed his life. See, the thing is, tragedy would befall John and me, and that tragedy would shape my life. The last thing we would ever say to each other were insults out of anger. John would die just two months later after a car accident. His last gift to me was a recording of him singing I can only Imagine by: MercyME at his church. His death haunted me for years. Even after learning my words changed his heart and he reconciled with his sister before he died, I couldn’t bring myself to do the one thing I needed to, forgive myself.

 

For years I would carry the weight of guilt along with me. I carried it into basic training with me, and then onto Iraq. There guilt would pile upon me like a bag of rocks. I carried it into my marriage and as that marriage would fail, I’d carry guilt from that marriage and everything before that into my next marriage. One thing after another I would take the blame, the guilt, and I would carry it from one time to the next. Instead of taking on peoples sins, I would take their guilt. I would carry it on my shoulders, and I would find a way to take the blame for every horrible thing that happened in my life. Somehow I found it was easier to take the blame then to explain how people were so cold and cruel. I couldn’t face that people were mean or cruel unless it was my fault and I deserved it. I began to believe that the pain I endured was because I wasn’t a good person. I believed that I was a mistake, and that no one would or could ever love me. I believed that I was a mistake at birth and remained that way in life. I believed that my conception was a mistake and I believed I would have been better off had I never been born. Since I was born my place was to be everyone’s mistake to learn what not to do. I believed I was worthless and that truly, no one could ever really love me, because who could love such a mistake. I ran, and continued to run away from the monsters that chased me in my dreams.

 

After my second marriage fell into ruin I allowed the Devil to whisper in my ear and I fell further then I ever imagined. I never imagined I would one day put a gun to myself. I couldn’t explain what I felt, and I still can’t. I felt like I deserved to be punished for my failures, and I couldn’t imagine a life where I wasn’t a failure. I saw everything from past, and I saw my sin in my face. I was surrounded by the echo’s of my old life and I was surrounded by the demons, the monsters I spent so long running from. The monsters I was so afraid of caught me and I felt like I could never get away. I stood there frightened, terrified because the monsters looked just like me. I was my monster, I was the creator of my pain, and I was the failure and sin that chased me over a lifetime. I couldn’t see a way out, and knowing deep down in my heart I didn’t owe a life, but I owed a level of pain. Pain for pain so I made a deal with myself to face physical pain in the place of the emotional pain I couldn’t handle anymore. I heard the whispers in my head to do it, to grab the gun, to put it to my chest, and I heard the whispers saying I was a coward, and that I deserved her leaving me, and I deserved everything I’d gone through. I wasn’t a coward, and I did deserve to suffer for my failures. I wasn’t a coward so I took a breath and squeezed the trigger.

 

I believed the cruelest lie from the pits of Hell. I believed my sins could be paid by self-sacrifice. I believed the lie my whole life, and I was weak, weak enough to step off that cliff and take one for the team. Even though death wasn’t what I sought, death had come for me. The lie I fell for was to be at the cost of my own life. I fell down into the deepest pit of Hell and though I couldn’t see anything but the sheer darkness of my decisions, I was caught. The fall ended and I said “God I’m sorry.” I don’t need to imagine anymore because I know, I have felt the power of the Holy Spirit, and as my senses would be overloaded I would hear the words that would change my life. “You’re FORGIVEN.” I felt the jolt, the electric shock run through my whole body and I would no longer be in darkness, but in an ambulance. I begged to go back, to be with Him, but my life was spared for a reason. My life was spared with a single word, forgiven. Why is it so hard for us to forgive those who hurt us? Why is it so hard for us to understand the true meaning of love and forgiveness? Could you imagine a world where we actually loved and forgave one another? I couldn’t imagine a God that would forgive me for believing the lie, but here I am. I’m living proof of the power of God, the love of God, the forgiveness of God.

 

I don’t have to imagine anymore what forgiveness looks like. My biggest struggle after my near death experience, believing I was ever that low. I would look at myself in the mirror and not know who I was. I would see the eyes looking back to me and I saw a stranger. I was able to forgive all those who had trespassed against me, but why couldn’t I forgive myself. I loathed myself, and I hated the man I had become. The struggle I faced was understanding why save a man like me? What was God thinking sparing my life? I kept telling myself there was a mistake and someone else was supposed to get saved. The truth is, God lives in you. God lives in me, and God watches over us. The Holy Spirit washed over all of us, and it’s in our reflection we should see beyond our own eyes and see Christ looking back. Luke 23:34“Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.” We never deserved the forgiveness from Jesus for what we did to him. We never deserved forgiveness for sacrificing ones self from the Father to take upon himself the full wrath of rage against sin, but forgiveness isn’t about the trespasser, it’s about the trespassed. Forgiveness is letting go of the pain caused by others, letting go of the sorrow that lives in our hearts. Forgiveness is about balance within ones self.

 

All those years I looked to the stars and I prayed to God to save me from my pain, the answer was right there all along, yet I was too blind to see. In the room I was in, or the field, or next to the fire as I looked to the sky, I was surrounded by God’s glory and I failed to see. It isn’t about the things done to you, it’s about the things you do to yourself. I imagined a day when my pain would go away because I would find someone to live my life with. I imagined a day when my pain would go away because I wouldn’t live in poverty anymore. I imagined a life free from the losses of my past. What I couldn’t imagine was my road to recovery, my road to peace started within myself. I couldn’t take the blame anymore for things I couldn’t control. I couldn’t continue allowing myself to be responsible for the actions of others, and myself. I had to learn to forgive myself because if God could forgive me, and if God saved me, there must have been something he saw, that I couldn’t.

 

Guilt of ones own actions is a powerful thing. We can often see our own guilt turning into rage and anger towards others. Guilt can manifest itself in a vast number of ways in our life, but at the root of it, is something toxic that if left untreated it will grow and infect every aspect of your life. Year after year I allowed my fear, my anger and my guilt to grow inside me till one day it took control. I lost sight of the truth, and I lost sight of the way. I believed a lie, and I was reminded of all the times I tried and failed, and all the times I was told I’d never be good enough, I couldn’t see the voice screaming at me, was me. We cannot go through life holding onto the baggage of our mistakes. We cannot go through life holding onto our failures, and forcing others to carry our baggage by the way we treat them. The truth is, we don’t need to hold onto our fear, our sorrow, our pain in order to learn from it. We don’t need to carry it with us to remind us of the past. If God can wipe away our sins as if they never existed at all, then we must shed that dark spot on our heart, and see the beating of a heart washed by the blood shed for us. We cannot move forward in our lives if we do not allow ourselves to forgive our greatest source of pain. For everyone this looks different. Were you abused physically, emotionally, sexually? Have you lost loved ones by the hands of someone else? Have you been the cause of pain in others lives? We must learn to forgive both others and ourselves. Forgiveness isn’t always easy, but it does start with a single step. ‘I Forgive You.’ If you have to say this to yourself, or if you have to say this in your head every day directed at someone, you have to start by allowing yourself to feel it. Let the heart lighten, let the heart soften by the touch of God. Jesus is the healer of all things, and in all things Jesus is the answer.

 

The day we face Jesus and we know our King, we know the Glory that awaits us, what will your heart feel? Stand in the presence of God knowing your sins have been wipped clean, and in the glory of the Holy Spirit you are loved. We are so loved and yet we struggle expressing that love to one another. Do not let your hearts be troubled with the memories of the past. Do not allow yourself to fall to sorrow any longer. Find healing in the light of God and close your eyes and see the face of Jesus. Close your eyes, and imagine the king’s hands wiping your tears away. Allow yourself to face the pain and grieve. Imagine the love of God and the true power, the true healing power of the glory of the Lord.

 

God gave us Jesus for the days of sorrow, and the days of triumph. God gave us Jesus to save us from ourselves, and to free us from our own darkness. God gave us Jesus to guide us when we loose our way. God gave us Jesus to know as both friend and King. God gave us Jesus for a personal relationship and there are no words we could say to ever give thanks to our creator. God gave us Jesus to heal our souls, and show us how to live. God gave us Jesus to show us how to love. God gave us Jesus to cure us of our fears, and reassure us when we doubt. God gave us Jesus to show us the way.

 

When we seek, Jesus will help us find it. When we hurt Jesus will help us heal it. We must learn to trust in Jesus and lift our eyes to the King when tears fall to the ground. Ephesians 4:32“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”  Forgiveness can be the hardest thing we ever do in our life. When we hurt beyond belief, when we feel like there’s nothing left we can do to deal with our pain, there’s one word that will set you free, forgiveness. Jesus shows us how to love. Jesus shows us how to forgive. Jesus tells us we have to forgive. We cannot hold onto the pain others have caused, and we must forgive beyond our own pride. We must accept we’ve made a mistake, and we must set all that hurt free. Give the pain to God and forgiveness of others and ourselves. Jesus, show me how to do the impossible and forgive. Jesus show me how to forgive myself, and learn to move forward. Learn the grace and be set free. The power of forgiveness, because the only prisoner of the pain is you. Forgiveness is releasing your pain because that pain doesn’t define you. We expect forgiveness of our sins by the Father, so shall we learn to give forgiveness because it’s rarely deserved but that’s not why we forgive. Do not be slave to the pain inside. Do not let it consume you.

 

I allowed my self-loathing control me. I allowed my doubts to grow and I lost sight of my Lord. I lost sights of the truth that is Jesus Christ. I lost sight of so much, but on this day if you’re holding onto a grudge, if you’re holding onto pain in your heart, let it go by lifting it up to the Lord. Let Jesus wash away your pain, and begin to heal your damaged heart. Allow the Lord to peer into your heart, and opening your eyes to what you may have hidden even from yourself. Those who bully others are angry with themselves. Those who belittle others have wounded souls of their own. Hurting people hurt others, and we must offer forgiveness no matter how deeply our own pain runs. My Lord is more then enough to heal and in that healing I find hope. My heart is broken, but in Jesus it’s mended. My life should have ended in a moment of doubt, in a moment of pain, and in a moment of lie I now find forgiveness was the key all along.

 

My greatest legacy isn’t one thing, no, it’s the journey of my failures, and rising like a phoenix from the ashes into a man who finally understands the true meaning of love. I have said I love others and many I still do, but I never loved myself. I was a house built on the sand and when the waves came in, it knocked my foundation back to the sea. I wasn’t strong because I never saw myself as value. I realize I have value because Christ loves me. Jesus saved me and for that I now know it was self-forgiveness that was missing all along. We will fall, and we will stumble but Jesus loves us and will pick us up, wipe away our tears, heal our hearts, and move forward. Here and now be honest and forgive someone you’ve denied. Don’t let another day go by holding onto your bumps and bruises. You will be made flawless by the cross, no matter the scars held deep inside. Bring your shame, your tired, your guilt, your failures, bring them all to the Lord let yourself be redeemed by the spirit. When you look in the mirror instead of seeing your failures, see Christ looking back at you. You will be called many things by many people, but the one that matters is the Love of Jesus which is louder then anything that can be done to you in this world. Jesus lives in your heart, and if you make room for Jesus there is no room for the pain you hold onto. Forgive others, and forgive yourself. Today before the day comes when you may not be able to. Apologize to those you’ve hurt, and pray for forgiveness, and that goes for yourself. Let Jesus heal you, and be the light taking you out of the darkness you’ve been in. Just let it go, and love.

To those who’ve wronged me, to those who’ve hurt me, and to myself who’s made a number of big mistakes, forgive today and don’t wait another day.

 

 

 

I’m Invincible

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I’m Invincible

Romans 8:31 “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?”

 Who am I, when someone asked me in the past I didn’t have an answer, but now I do. I’m a champion, I’m a soldier for the Lord. I’m invincible before the Lord. The Devil attacks and knocks me down, but I get back up. I have the power of the Holy Spirit in my corner and I can take whatever the Devil sends. The power of the Lord and King are on my side and with it, I’m unstoppable. The Devil will hit me but he can’t hurt me, because from this day forward I’m a fighter and I will stand my ground. My whole life I’ve been training for this moment, and in this time I will no longer take the punches, it’s about time I start to fight back. My whole life I have taken the punches and felt the pain and curled up and cried in my corner. From this time forward I will no longer feel the shame and I will wipe my eyes, and stand tall. I will be a champion for the Lord, and I will light the fires and send out the call.

We are soldiers for Christ and we are the front lines of the war against our very souls. What’s at stake is eternity. We must stand tall and fight for what we believe in, and the truth is something worth fighting for. We must buckle up as this world gets darker every day, and be ready for the fight to come. Will you feel the flame from the Holy Spirit and sit back with it, or will you stand tall and scream it from the highest mountaintops? Will you be a man of the cross and share the gospel with others or will you hide away from the world a coward? Stand tall and take the punches like a man, and be the champion.

Champion by: Carrie Underwood (feat. Ludacris)

The C is for the courage I possess through the drama
H is for the hurt but it’s all for the honor
A is for my attitude working through the patience
Money comes and goes so the M is for motivation
Gotta stay consistent, the P is to persevere
The I is for integrity, innovative career
The O is optimistic, open and never shut
And the N is necessary ’cause I’m never giving up

We are made in the fires of the Holy Spirit, forged to be strong, to withstand anything the Devil throws at us, so be the faithful soldiers of Christ and prepare your minds, your bodies, and your souls for the battles. To be a champion of Christ we must take scripture to heart, we must learn it, lean on it, allow it to fill our hearts, and when we are attacked, scripture is the only weapon we will need. Philippians 2:10-11 “10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” What more is needed in this life to live in peace? We must learn to be the ambassadors of the Lord. We must learn when to use diplomacy, and learn when to strike the Devil head on with the sword of truth. In this life we can be strong or we can be weak. We can be winners, or we can be losers. If you are to live in Christ you shouldn’t be focused on everything that goes wrong, but figure out what the attack is, and mount a counter attack. Every challenge is an opportunity to grow and learn, and teach, and preach the Gospel. The world will turn on you, and friends will abandon you, but in all things God is always with you. No matter the trials that comes this life is always going to be temporary, God is eternal. What side do you want to fight for, the winners or the ones that will forever live in torment? We faithful have already won the war, we just need to keep strong and spread the word from the front lines. This war to win the hearts and minds must continue with us. You will take every punch, every kick, every evil trick the Devil has, but you were made to win, you were made to stand tall, and you were made in the Glory of the Holy Spirit. God has created you and God doesn’t make mistakes. God has more faith in you then you’ll ever have of yourself, so stop doubting and get up and be a Champion. You can’t be beat so long as God’s on your side. Be invincible, be unshakable, be an immovable object, and laugh as the Devil tries and tries to break you, and with each stone thrown it just bounces right off you.

Do not be conformed to the lies this world will spread. Do not fall for the tricks of the Devil because for every soul brought to Christ their name echoes in the halls of Heaven. They are celebrated, as they will one day go home. The perseverance we will show will one day pay off as we walk into Heaven and we lay our gifts at the feet of our King and Savior. We were made for this, and we were born to win, so hold your head high, today and forever as a natural born winner. Fight for what you believe in, and know that to believe in Christ is to be the greatest winner on Earth. A Champion, a Soldier for Christ. With God in my corner I can’t loose, I can’t fail, and I will hold my hands high and I will forever be in the winner’s circle.

 

 

Light or Dark

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Light or Dark

The darkest night covers me and I need you

The sun fuels my heart and gives me warmth and strength. I need you then too.

Because of you I’m alive.

No matter where I am, or the season I’m in, my Lord I need you.

Who am I without you, I am no one.

The Lord of all knows my name.

 

The Lord who created in love not because of what I do, just because I am. I am a sinful man, but love saved me. Never because of what I’ve done, just because of what you are. No matter my of praise, or my day of prayer your grace comforts me. Today the flowers bloom, and tomorrow the ice shall come, but in all my day, and in all my ways I am yours. Because you are with me I shall not fear the night. The night was so dark without you, but your glory so bright the single ray of light when the sun peaks the horizon, the darkness breaks. Jesus Christ the pure light that would forever push the darkness away rose.

What do I have to offer the king of the universe, my heart, my everything, and yet I will never be worthy of the gift bestowed upon me. I can surrender all and even up to my life it would never cover the debt. But it is grace, and love my bill was covered by Christ. I was so loved before I was born that for me my sins and the sins of billions of others, a blood debt freely given, ransomed for my freedom of death. If my debt was paid when I’m knocked down, who then do I fight for? Christ got back up and his strength became my strength. I will get back up and continue to fight till my dying breath. I owe it to Christ to never give up and never surrender to the darkness.

God’s word has withstood the test of time, and even now as we can see the darkness covering the land, we will watch, as God’s will, will be done. Those who criticize the word and those who push to remove God’s presence from the public will one day stand in judgment. The light of the word may be pushed away but in time the raging tide will again be tamed by the Lord. God’s word will stand firm, and the darkness will be pushed back, snuffed out by the light. No matter how far we fall it’s never to late to change our course. We cannot stop praying, or hoping for God to save us. We cannot stop worshiping the Lord no matter if things are great, or if everything has been blown to a million pieces. Yesterday is gone and we don’t live there anymore. We must learn to say goodbye to the past, and live in today. The heart may have been broken yesterday, but every day we breath is a new day of growing, a new day of healing. We must tell ourselves every day that Jesus is still with us, and in his love we are healed. You cannot expect to have an answer for every tragedy that happens, and in our walk we must learn to focus on Jesus. This world is not the end, and one day the end will come on this life and the walls that kept us confined will be no more. This is not where we belong forever, and we can count on the promise made by Jesus to one day sit before the King and be accepted into the light. This life is but a fleeting speck of dust in the wind, and if we want to go home, know that this world will one day wash away.

Praise the Lord for success, and praise the Lord in failure. In every chance we get, both good and bad, fix your eyes on the one and only thing that will satisfy your heart and that’s Jesus. Life can be hard, and we are told to expect the trials that come, and the persecutions that come with following Christ, but “If you can take it, you can make it.” (Unbroken) I am a broken man, and I fail every day to live up to what God expects of me. I know I fail, and I know I fall, but I know that because of grace, and I know what true love means, I still stand here knowing God is with me. I know I have the power of the Holy Spirit with me and I’m called to be more. I’m called to push myself, and to stand toe to toe with the darkness. Every day I stand and pray to protect me from the attacks. Every day I praise my God for the blessings I have. I know I am protected and I know that for Jesus saves my soul every day. I know that every day I wake hope is here. Every day I see the hope all around me, and I know that it’ll be all right. I’ve experienced the darkness, and I’ve seen the light. I’ve felt the cold, but the warmth always triumphs. In every tear that falls God holds them. In every heart that breaks God feels our pain, and yet healing begins with Christ.

Light or dark, we decide where to stand. We can choose to stay in the darkness avoiding the light if we wish, but when it gets cold, or the demons come to creep, know the light will always accept you. You can choose to live in fear of the unknown, or you can choose to trust in Jesus and know that there is a brighter future waiting for you. You can choose to walk in the darkness, but no matter where you choose to walk, Jesus Christ is always there with you. If you choose to walk in the darkness, you have to expect to stub your toe on the furniture. Who then will you blame, God for not removing the obstacle, or yourself for not turning on the light? We as people will always learn more from hardships then a life of ease and calm rivers. If you are to be truly tested we must first be pushed to the limits to know what we are truly capable of. It’s in these times we need to turn to Christ more then ever, because we do not truly grow otherwise. We often pray for things we think are good for us, but we only see two feet ahead, but God sees a mile. We are but children clamoring around the house trying to place our finger in a light socket. God tries to warn us what not to do, but we are a stubborn people, and if we truly wish for a smoother ride we must learn to trust in the Lord and stop being so resistant to what we are told. God’s grace and love is unyielding, but our acceptance of it into our hearts is purely voluntary. Jesus loves you more then you know, and we should praise the Lord in all things, each and every day. Because our savior lives we must pray. We overcome by the power of His blood, and we are alive because he lives. Prayer is the absolute least we can do, and for the gift of life, shouldn’t we do at least that? We would be dead without Christ. Sin and shame would be all we are without the blood, and we’re alive because He lives. The light that would forever be the voice over the shadow, my life was and is held in His hands. So I pray to you Lord, thank you for my life, thank you for my pain, thank you for your love, and thank you for your gracious sacrifice for me. In your Holy Name, Amen.

Peace

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Peace

When I was in the middle of the worst storm of my life I was seen through by Jesus. When I felt like I was being tossed around at night unable to see I was being guided through safe and sound.

I have been in the storm more then once, each time was more dangerous then the next and even when all odds were against me to survive, Jesus was right there with me unwilling to let me die just yet. People often ask me how I can believe in such an old antiquated idea. I recently heard the bible called a ‘nice story’. For me the Bible isn’t just some story, it has historical fact behind it, and more then that the length of time in just the old testament alone would be long enough time that unless inspired by a higher power it’s unlikely those events occur as they did. The prophesy laid down throughout the old testament, and then the coming of the Star of David as fulfilling prophesy wouldn’t have been likely. Astronomy wasn’t exactly a big science back then. Jesus foretold events to come, but even if you claim those parts were made up, who dies protecting a lie? Eleven men, who walked with Jesus for three years would be hunted by the Romans, and other nation’s leaders as they would preach and proclaim the word of Jesus Christ. Each of their eye witness accounts were written and matched one another based on their own backgrounds and points of view. Each man would fall one by one pressured to recant their story, admit they stole the body of Jesus Christ, and out their co-conspirators, yet not one denounced the truth. Who dies horrible, painful, tortured deaths, for a lie?

While it has been 2000 years give or take since the death of Christ, the works of the miraculous haven’t stopped. Most miracles happen and only a small select few know about it, or even say anything, but once in a while the story gets out and raises the question of these events throughout history. One story, a little girl diagnosed with a non-curable disease within her digestive tract, one day this disease will kill her. She’s playing with her sisters on an old tree on their property. She falls into the tree 20 feet and after hours of rescue they are finally able to get her out. Miraculously she walks away with a small bump on the head, not even a concussion. Within days it appears her disease is gone, and her health returned to normal. She had been fighting the disease for over a year. She recounts her experience talking to God and asked if she wanted to go home with her parents. She returned healthy, uninjured.

If this one miracle weren’t enough to sway me, I’d have to look back over my own life. I have several stories from my own past that should have taken my life, but surprisingly I’m still here. 1990, I was on an indoor slide and while at the top I was pushed over the side falling and landing on my neck. The fall probably should have killed me, but I walked away just a little sore. If that weren’t enough to sway me, I would see another miracle on September 12th, 2004. My convoy would be ambushed and my truck and another truck were separated from the group and made to run the gauntlet. 12 RPG’s, countless IED’s, and a hundred or so insurgent soldiers all shooting small arms at two trucks alone on a path designed to trap them. With chance after chance though damage was done, and eventually catastrophic damage, but not before miraculously making back to safety before the truck died when my foot came off the gas. It wouldn’t start again for nearly 6 weeks. Through the whole ordeal I was calm, and while every one else was yelling, I felt safe, at ease, and it came over me like a wave. This wasn’t from any amount of training, this was pure warmth and divine. If that weren’t enough, December 22nd 2004 a 155 round should have exploded just feet from my truck and miraculously didn’t. Had it detonated it’s likely someone if not everyone in the truck would have died. If that weren’t enough I should have died when a bullet went through my shoulder years later. Almost bleeding out, I wasn’t expected to reach the hospital alive. By the grace of God, and a divine encounter I survived waking up in the ambulance to everyone’s surprise. I had lost so much blood I was gray, and with purple lips I shouldn’t have survived the trauma and blood loss. Yet, when I was unconscious I distinctly remember saying, “God I’m Sorry.” And in response a loud, thunderous, booming voice replied, “You’re forgiven.” It was like I was hit in the chest, a jolt of lightning went through me and I awoke in the ambulance. The thing is, they never used the paddles on me. I never flat lined even though I was close. My vitals though low, improved once I regained consciousness. I begged them to let me go, I wanted to go back, but that wasn’t the plan. I didn’t die that day, and since then I have begun this blog, and I have begun to minister to countless others as I now openly discuss my faith. I have had a hand in saving the life of a man thrown from his vehicle in a roll over accident, and I know I have helped others through some very tough times. None of this would have been possible if God wouldn’t have spared my life that late afternoon.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.” For years I would try to find my purpose, and I would feel lost, forsaken by the God that supposedly loved me. For years I would grow in anger and frustration as one bad thing after another happened to me. I would suffer my final loss with my ex wife’s affair finally tipping the scale and pushing me beyond the max of what I could take in my life, or so I thought. I blamed God for the wrongs from people. I had always claimed to have free will, but when it came to others doing wrong against me I wanted to blame God. I constantly felt like my troubles were the result of God being angry and spiteful towards me. I couldn’t have been more wrong. The truth was fear, but not my own fear, fear of the Devil. The Devil attacks those the most with whom he is most afraid. Imagine for a moment the fear he had of Jesus Christ. If Christ could be turned, tempted by the powers of the dark side of the force he would be a failure to God, and would rule as King of the world, but nothing more. Jesus would not be tempted time and time again by Satan, despite his best efforts. Satan knew his time to rule over a fallen world was coming to an end. Lucifer would fail to turn Christ and when Jesus defeated death and rose in fulfillment of the scripture, the only thing Satan would have left was the prevent the human souls from being saved by Christ’s sacrifice. The Devil prowls around now tempting and swaying mankind into hate and despair. The Devil’s desperate final play before the end to stick it to God one last time is preventing as many souls from Heaven as he can.

We live in this world and allow this world to tear us down, to break us in some instances, and yet, we forget the most important part of the story, Jesus already paid our price. All we have to do as easy as it is to say, is make it to the end of this roller coaster we’re on. Life isn’t going to be easy, but if salvation were easy everyone would do it. If giving up ones sinful nature, ones desire to remain in control over ones own life, then everyone could do it, and salvation would loose something. Salvation is a choice, and a choice we have to freely make. I am not a perfect man by any stretch of the imagination, but I know that Jesus loved me so much he gave his life for me. I know God has plans for me and even if I don’t know what they are, I have to have faith. Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” I have tried for many years to do things my way, to walk my own path, and every time I have tried, I’ve failed. I have run for many years from ministry because I always thought God was wrong. I was filled with so much pain and anger, how could I possibly help anyone else? The thing was, God doesn’t want perfection, he uses broken people all the time. Broken people are more real in their stories from what they were, to the healing power of the Holy Spirit. The true power of the grace of God is the redemption of the fallen, the rebuilding of the broken, and the finding of the souls that were once believed to be lost for all time. Through the grace of God anything is possible. The true blessings we have all because of God cannot be understated. While many will argue the nature of divinity, in my experience, seeing is believing.

Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” God knew exactly what he was doing when I was created. He knew my hardships, and he knew the man I would eventually become. It’s his grace that saved me, and his love that would deliver me from the brinks of death. A rare second chance and unlike many who fall back into old ways, I rose above, and though I’m just as boneheaded as I was back then, I strive to better myself. I try to grow in my faith every day and to be a light in such a dark world. If we are ambassadors for Jesus Christ I want to try to put my best foot forward. So long I’ve tried to stand out in the crowd. I’ve tried to make my name be remembered for doing something great. My own goals were not what God had in mind for me. Greatness doesn’t come how many people know you; it comes from the memories you leave behind to those who remember you. I will try to be the best man God wants me to be, and let history decide the rest. We must have faith in the plan, and let go of our own plans. When we allow the father to guide us it takes much of the pressure off on where to go, or what we have to do. We must fall on our faith that God will handle the details, and we just go where he leads us. Faith isn’t easy, but those who walk by faith, while life is no easier, often learn to take life more in stride then others.

We walk in this dark world, and if we are to find peace we must first find hope. How can someone continue to fight if they feel no hope? Where do we find our hope when the world falls down upon our heads? When the Apostils watched in horror as their Lord was nailed to a cross after being brutally beaten, they were crushed in spirit. They were utterly without hope, but after 3 days the blood debt was paid, the victory lap had been made, and Christ would rise and make himself seen fulfilling the prophesy and destroying deaths hold over the sinner for all eternity. What hope is there do you ask? While the living God is still on the throne there is always hope. Those who dwell in the dominion of Hell have been pushed back as the blood spilt bridged the gap from sin to God. Where we have hope in Christ we have light, and while there is light we will always have peace. The love of God that lights up the darkness is all we’ll ever need. A heavy price was paid, and we have the only thing that will ever matter, the love of the father.

The Weight

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The Weight

It’s heavy, the weight we carry. The fears, doubts, regrets, the pain we’ve allowed to build year after year. The crushing weight under the cross we belong to. It’s got our name on it, and it’s our responsibility. In the years I’ve been carrying my cross I’ve watched it get bigger, and bigger through the years. Sometimes it grows slowly over time, and sometimes it seems like it doubles in size. The weight we are to carry, but never are we to carry alone. Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” While we are commanded to carry the cross. Luke 9:23 “23 And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.” We are commanded to pick it up, and walk with Christ. We wear it like a badge of honor, but what happens when it gets to heavy? The weight we are never meant to keep. We are never meant to hold everything in and let it bury us. Sin adds up and if we let it, we get buried in our own suffering, an endless circle with no way out. That’s the lie the Devil would have you believe. That your sin is your death, the debt that you must carry for all of time. We are to carry it like an old friend, a friend that stays with us like our own shadow. The shadow in our mind that grows, storing the silence that echo’s in the walls of our brains. The journey however is not cold and dark as we are led to believe. The weight is not ours alone. The Devil wants us to think we have to be silent in our struggle. The Devil wants us to think we are weak if we cannot carry our cross alone. The Devil wants us to be alone, cut off from the light.

I have failed in my walk with the Lord more then once. I let the darkness build inside me. I held it like an old teddy bear. I kept it close but hid it away during the day. In the darkness of the night I would take it out and embrace it for a moment. My own self-inflicted punishment. I was weak and I knew I was. I kept it in because I was ashamed of my feelings. I was ashamed of the horrors I re-watched every night when I closed my eyes. I fell for the lie and I allowed the weight to break me down so far I was vulnerable when something big came along. I reached out and found myself rejected by those who were supposed to help. When I reached out my hand was slapped away, and I recoiled even farther into myself. I heard the whispers and they grew louder, till all I could hear was how weak I was. How I should feel low, and useless. I believed the lies of not being loved. I lost my fight against the weight I was carrying, and laying on the ground, crushed by it, I watched as everything I worked for in my life was ripped violently away from me. In my darkest, deepest hour of sorrow, the truth rose up and brighter then the sun, the Devil, the lies, the evil that surrounded me was forced to retreat back to the shadows. The hand of Jesus picked me up and hugged me close. The truth was made clear, and a revelation of what it means to be washed in the light of the Lord was unmistakable. Silence was a cancer that grew, but the light of the universe, our Lord and savior is the answer to the disease. And the people tied him to a tree, and murdered him. His blood was spilt, and we laughed and cast lots. We were given a choice, a criminal, or Jesus. In our ignorance, our hatred, our anger, we poured our sin into an innocent man. A man who would spread his arm to those who caused him to suffer a death worse then any could imagine. He spread his arms not in returned hate, but in forgiveness and love. He was not silent in his final moments. He spread his arms, he absolved us of our sins, by asking the Father to forgive us, for we do not know what we do. Our father, a gracious, loving father split the veil, and we were not doomed to suffer the crushing weight of sin any longer.

In Numbers 11:11-15 Moses cries to the Lord about the burdens he is carrying. The people are hungry, and are calling for him to bring an end to their suffering. He feels the weight of this burden and he feels he cannot bare it alone. He cries to the heavens asking God to either answer his prayers or to end his life. In verse 16 the Lord tells him to bring forth the elders that they may help him bare the burdens of the flock. I say to you, when you find yourself in need, turn to the Lord and he will answer your prayers and give you someone to lean on. Jesus would fall, weak, and carrying his cross he would fall. Matthew 27:32 “As they went out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name. They compelled this man to carry his cross.” There’s no shame asking for help. There’s no shame admitting the day’s been a little to strong, the weight to heavy, the problems too big. I say we must find the strength inside to put down our pride, and go to the Lord in prayer. The Lord will give you someone to help you carry your burden.

Lean On Me By, Bill Withers

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow

 Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on

 Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won’t let show

 You just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

 Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on

 You just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can’t carry
I’m right up the road
I’ll share your load

 

I know it seems like you might be alone in your life, but that’s not true. That’s the lie, and the Devil won’t stop telling it to you. Don’t listen to the darkness. When the darkness knocks at your door, turn away back to the light. Lift your head, your arms, and welcome the light into your heart. Let the Holy Spirit wash over you, removing the past sins. Don’t allow the silence to grow like a cancer inside you. Silence kills, it takes so many lives each and every day. The darkness will always creep just outside the walls, but when we keep the light of Jesus burning in our hearts and minds, the darkness cannot remain in the presence of light. Sing praises to the Lord of all and the praises of joy, of love will cancel out the silence and the whispers of the Devil will fall short to the music of Love. Hope, love, and praise will win over silence, pain, and despair. Fear, doubt, disbelief, let it all go. It’s time to drop your sins at the foot of the cross and lighten your load. Place your hope in Jesus and thank God yesterday’s gone. All your sins are forgiven, so carry them no more.

Our Time

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Our Time

When the morning sun rises over the horizon and you see the first rays of light, you don’t often question if it’ll be your last. We live by the minutes we have, but we rarely put thought into the actual thought of living. When you look at the sunrise and think how beautiful it is, or how you see the person you love, we don’t wonder if it’s the last time. There was a day so many years ago now, which brought all these questions to mind. As time has moved passed I often forget how quickly that life can be. In just a fleeting moment the world as we know it can be rocked by change, and how we are forever changed. As we wake this morning and we go about our day, for me today is a reminder to be vigilant in my thoughts. We suffer so much pain, and we suffer so much loss, but when we forget to live, that’s the true tragedy. How do we honor the dead? We honor the dead by fighting. We honor the dead by living, and to do so with thought. We cannot just wake up every day and exist, that we must truly live our lives. The day will come when we are called home, but if that day is not today, we must live life with zest. We must open our eyes every morning, and be grateful to the one who gives life. We live this life and this is our time, but it’ll never come again.

When the days are numbered, how can we say we lived our life? Will we count our days by missed opportunities? Will we count them by the number of lives we touched? Will we count them by the number of lives we destroyed? No matter the form of measurement in your life, be sure to live your life for the moment. Be sure that in that moment, the fleeting moments we are here, make a difference. Live a life that is full of love and a life that is pleasing to God. Be a beacon of hope in a world full of darkness. Live your life in the light so others can see. We only get one shot at life, and we never know when the day our ticket gets punched, so live every day with the heart for God. Live every day loving your friends, loving your family. Live every day with the thought, tomorrow may not come. Don’t live out your days thinking ‘I thought I’d have more time.’ Today is the day you have, and tomorrow isn’t promised.

John 10:7-15 “7 So Jesus again said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. 8 All who came before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. 9 I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. 10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. 11 I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12 He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. 13 He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. 14 I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.”

We are the lost sheep living this life, and a shepherd came to give us hope. In that hope we now live, no longer in the darkness, but the light of the world. Although we live dust to dust, we are more then the sum of our flesh. We have the living waters that flow over our hearts when we open them to the Lord. Genesis 3:19 “By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” No longer are we here to live and die, but instead we are here to live and live. We live this life so one day we can live in eternal life. Ecclesiastes 3:20-21 “All go to one place. All are from the dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows whether the spirit of man goes upward and the spirit of the beast goes down into the earth?” We are given the choice of how we want to live, and in that choice so shall we be judged.

Today as I remember the dead, I recall the valley, which I gazed upon. I saw the face of evil and I will forever remember the horror, which lives in the hearts of man. The ability to take life, to extinguish a child of God, with no remorse or conscious, is truly a terrifying place. To witness such evils, reminds us that though Christ died to break the bonds of death, we still fight for the souls of the living. Not all who live shall live, and all the while not all that die shall die. If you are to live, live for love, live for Christ, and in Christ love all. Love all who live and pray for those whom you love, but in turn, pray for those whom wish to do hate. As it is said, love the sinner, and hate the sin. Today which is a day to remember, I pray for the souls of those who sought to do harm, and I pray with forgiveness in my heart, yet a prayer of God’s righteous vengeance. For it is not my place to judge the living, nor is it my place to judge the dead, but to love and pray for both. Romans 12:19 “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” I place my belief upon the Lord, and I pray for those who have trespassed against me, and I pray for my own heart that it be healed in my time of pain. I pray that I shall find peace in the knowledge that vengeance is not of my own hand, but in the hand of the Lord. I pray that we in this life find justice, not vengeance. Deuteronomy 32:35 “To me belongeth vengeance, and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.” Justice is restoring balance, and I trust in the Lord, which holds eternal balance in his righteous hands.

 

A YEAR OF BATTLE AND IM STILL HERE

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A YEAR OF BATTLE AND IM STILL HERE

 1 Thessalonians 4:11 “and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you,” When I read this verse it makes me think of my own life and my own longing for a life of parenthood. I dream of a life with a loving wife, in a nice house, quiet and away from the affairs of the world. I dream of my future, and I look to leave my past in the past. The thing about the past though it’s never truly gone. It stays with us, and it lives inside us. As I have been looking back at my life I have been forced to realize I’m still here. This battle I’ve been facing hasn’t been easy, and there have been times when I’ve just wanted to quit, but the sun rose, and the sun fell, and I’m still drawing breath. Psalm 18:39 “For you equipped me with strength for the battle; you made those who rise against me sink under me.” No matter the wars I’ve faced, I know the Lord has given me the tools I’ve needed to face them. We are told that for everything we endure, we are being trained up for future trials. Psalm 144:1 “Of David. Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle;” For the Devil has attacked and waged war with my heart and mind, yet I still stand. While I have struggled and I have stumbled, I have always found a way to pick myself back up.

No matter where we are in our travels of this sometimes cruel world, we must keep the eye on the prize. The battles will be waged throughout your entire life. We will win some, and we will loose some. In my year long battle of the war, I’ve lost a fair amount and just stating the facts, I’ve lost more then I’ve gained. I have struggled through the loss of deep, long running friendships. I have lost positions at work, posts that I worked very hard to achieve. I have lost my way a time or two within my own personal feelings, and I have sometimes struggled to find my way back. Our travels may be smooth sailing, or rough seas but no matter the weather, we must learn to keep moving forward. Deuteronomy 31:6 “6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” In the strongest storms, have faith in the Lord. Find your strength in God and fear not.

Psalm 34:17-18 “The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” While the delivery of our troubles might not be that very same moment, or even days or years down the road, salvation is the end game, and the fluff in the middle doesn’t really matter. What matters is the path to Salvation. Through the battle and the blood, the sweat, the tears, the end result is what’s the most important. For us as Christians, our goal is salvation, eternal, in the gates of Heaven. Our path to Heaven is important, how we handle each and every one of our situations. We must remain vigilant to our own emotions and how we let them dictate our path. In the world we live in the battles we will face in this great big war of ours will either be considered as a success or failure, but it’s in those things we must use a clear head, and a clear heart to be the man or woman that would best be pleasing to God.

No matter the difficulties I have been faced with, I still feel as if I am a positive light for others. We all have our scrapes and cuts from the walk we’re on, but those wounds should make us tougher, smarter, more seasoned. One can hope that as we grow, we are also growing closer to God. Always grow in your path, and one day, that path will lead you home.