Tag: hope

Bright Tomorrow?

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Bright Tomorrow?

The darkness fills the room. The lights go out and blindness is the word of the night. How we cannot see when the darkness is all around us. When choices weigh you down, and you can’t seem to lift your head off the pillow it’s so heavy like a pile of bricks. The darkness spreads, it’s an evil entity with a mind of it’s own. It follows you, it stalks you, it hunts you in the light of day, and in the darkness of night. The shadows weigh you down, and if it catches you, it may very well crush you.

When you run from the darkness where are you running? What are you running from? We all have our shadows, and we all have the darkness inside us. It’s fear, and doubt, it’s the bad traumas we face, and it’s the hopeless nights that haunt us. We feel the weights pile on, and we watch as the weight on our shoulders weighs us down dragging our shoulders to the ground. The literal weight of our own cross drags us to the ground and if we aren’t careful it’ll crush us into the dirt. Have no fear though, there’s hope just on the horizon.

1 Corinthians 9:26 “So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air.” How do we fight the darkness? We must remember that the darkness are the lies and the self flagellants we push upon ourselves. The Devil wants to use our fears and doubts against us. The Devil wants us to struggle with our past mistakes and our past failings. We know that the world isn’t a fair or kind place, but when it feels like more then you can hold, you know who to call, and no not the Ghostbusters.

When the world is more then you can take you gotta call upon the one and only strong enough to get you through, Jesus Christ. Christ will carry you through, Christ will left you and protect you. We have our trials, we have our hurdles we may face, but no matter what it is, it’s never to big for God. Give us strength oh Lord of all to help us through. I don’t have to be strong enough because I am never alone. Christ gives me strength to push away the demons who attack my weaknesses, Christ gives me strength to light up the darkness and make the enemy of the night flee before the light of the cross.

Heavens mercy upon us is strength for this world, it’s hope, and it’s a way to push beyond the fear. We can always count on the Lord to be with us. We can always hope and pray for the best, but we know the fight will come, and we must always be ready. We can’t let our past weigh us down. We can’t allow our pain to forge our future. We must learn to embrace the pain, and use it for a better tomorrow. We draw a line in the sand and we choose to fight. How can we fight if we are weighed down with our own fears and doubts? The world is hard enough to face, let alone face it when we are over encumbered. The Devil wants us to go to war with the fear and doubts, the pain, the hatred we hold in our hearts. How can we share the light if our own light is subdued by the stained hearts we have? The fact is, is you’re going to stand you need to go toe to toe with the darkness. There’s only room enough for one of you in this world, and it’s either the one that embraces the light to forge ones self in the fire, or those who embrace the darkness and forever lives in the shadows of misery. You can’t forge steel without the flame, so who are you going to be? Are you going to be the one to fall on your face and stay down, or are you going to embrace that fire, and fight the Devil? You need to realize you’re more then the bad decisions, you’re more then the pain, you’re more then the lies the devil tries to spread. You need to have the faith that allowed the clouds to part, the giants to fall, the seas to split, and the sins of the world to break the temple in half. Don’t be afraid of the darkness because with God anything’s possible. The fight is coming no matter what we may want. You have to learn to be ready for it, and when it comes know how to fight back. Trust in God and believe in the impossible. God doesn’t just have the big stuff, but the small details too. Don’t let the darkness scare you because if you are walking with the Lord you aren’t in the darkness. It may creep up on you, but stand firm on the heels of Christ and you can defeat the Devil when the battle knocks on your door.

 

The Writings On The Wall

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The Writings On The Wall

“And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn’t so clean. You know what? It doesn’t matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze. That’s what moral fiber’s all about.” (The Girl Next Door)

Do we walk with eyes of the reality in which we live, or do we walk without sight of the truth? 2 Corinthians 5:7 “for we walk by faith, not by sight.” The truth is, sometimes we don’t want to see the truth. It can be so obvious, the facts, but with our sight we may only see what we want to see. “Love is Blind” this is an interesting remark and it depends on context I suppose. We are to love God with all of what we are and trust in Him completely. However when we love someone we can’t always see that love might not be good for us. We may believe as I had that if the juice is worth the squeeze then you’d do anything for the person you loved. The key to that is though, what if they don’t love you back?

As difficult as it may be, sometimes the truth is hard to accept. For many the acceptance of Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior is difficult, and for others impossible. To place your fate in the hands of someone you don’t know, and question if they ever existed is a stretch for some. Knowing Christ existed is not the problem, the evidence to his life is incontrovertible. The question that remains is the validity of his Divinity. While I could go on for hours as to why Christ is the savior, I won’t. The bigger point I want to make is a problem we face on a regular basis. When we love someone we are often blinded by the feelings towards them. We look to them and dismiss the bad stuff they may do and we see only the good, only the positive things we want to see. What if the love isn’t mutual? Do we still love if it’s not reciprocated? Why do we fall for those who never show us the same love? What is it about loving someone who can’t or won’t show us the same love in kind? It’s a tough dancing act we follow. Knowing the truth is always different then accepting the truth.

 The truth is hard to accept, it’s difficult to stomach when what you want something so bad, but can’t have it. The feeling in your stomach, the sinking feeling, the struggle to catch your breath as the air feels as if it has been sucked straight out of your lungs. The heart rate spikes, and pounds, and you’re left with the emptiness that remains. Tomorrow will come and the feelings in our hearts will remain, and all we can do is try and move forward and let our hearts heal in the face of pain. We may not get what we want, but all we can do is take what we have and use it to get stronger for the fight that will come tomorrow. The fight comes each and every day till the day we draw our last breath. We can either fight or die not knowing what we could accomplish. Some people search an entire lifetime to find true happiness. Some find it, some never do. Some have it and let it slip through their fingers, and others have it and destroy it. Either way love is fragile and we have a responsibility to the strongest thing in the universe. Allow it to flourish, or let it die, we have a choice, so what will it be?

What’s Good for the Goose is good for the Gander!

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What’s Good for the Goose is good for the Gander!

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander! You know what I feel about this? What’s good enough for someone, should be good enough for someone else. Have you ever been categorized in a particular way? I’m what most would consider an odd duck. I have my particular talents, my particular traits, but mostly I’m not much different then most dogs, trustworthy, loyal, protective when I need to be, and I’m easily trainable. I am usually considered to be a nerd with the characteristics of a boy scout. I would think honorable traits, but perhaps not all that flattering. One thing I’ve noticed is the phrase really makes no sense. How many people tell you, you’re such a great guy, anyone would be lucky to have you! What, the what? See, this makes no sense, if you tell someone they are so great and anyone would be lucky to be with them, then why aren’t you, or why are those the people who are single the most? I have an answer for all of you, the dreaded friend zone! No one wants to be there, but so many nerds end up there. So many nice guys end up in the friend zone for reasons that for the life of me, I just can’t explain.

While I cannot provide any answers, and while I’ve failed to fix any of my own frustrations in this life, the only thing I can offer is God is still on the throne, and in charge over all. We may not always see the reason, or the purpose to our current or long standing predicaments. We must remember to have faith in the plan even when we can’t see it. God tells us it’s not good for man to be alone, so he created woman. I believe for everyone there is someone, and although it make not be easy, nothing in this life worth having is easy. We must learn to trust God with all our hearts, and even in the midst of loneliness, we must have the strength to carry on. Being alone for some people is a fate worse then death. We must take the grief and the pain we have, and learn to use it for the betterment of our lives. Much easier said then done, and I by no means am an expert in this. In fact, one might say over the last year, I’ve not done so well. It takes time to change, and to be molded. Time for us is fleeting, but as long as we continue to try, that’s the best we can ever hope for. Just remember, just because someone doesn’t want you, or someone doesn’t love you, or even someone who has loved you, then leaves you, this doesn’t quantify your self worth. Don’t allow people to be what makes you feel worthy or important. This is something I am terrible at, and I need to work on this every single day. I hope in my struggles, someone out there may read this and know they are not alone in this fight. I pray for each of you alone with the desire to have someone special, finds that person and helps fill that void in your life. Good luck to all of you and God Bless.

 

Pay it Forward

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Pay it Forward

While on a wonderful date with a very dear woman in my life, I was sitting in Olive Garden having a wonderful conversation. Toward the end of the meal the waiter came up with the customary black pouch that holds the bill. He proceeded to inform us that another table had seen I was a veteran and to thank me for my service picked up the bill. I was left speechless and all I could say was wow that was so nice. The truth that you may find kindness in the most unusual of places is so completely true. While I never expected to encounter such kindness on my trip, I would go as far to say perhaps, on this journey outside of my well established comfort zone, a renewed sense of faith in humanity has been found. While I was expecting the bill to total near $50, I felt badly for the waiter. I couldn’t let that go, so I did what I felt was the best and most correct course, I left him a $20 tip. Though it seems like a small gesture to repay such kindness I felt it was a good start.

I’ve seen and heard in the past these measures of kindness be passed along. Though I’ve never experienced them myself, I’m rarely in a position to afford such generosity. While I do feel that old period in my life is passing away, and a new life is awaiting for me, I am excited to continue to do my part for the good of mankind. It’s so important to continue to look out for those who are less fortunate then ourselves. We must let the guidance of the Holy Spirit point us in the right direction and allow ourselves to not hold onto, or horde our accumulated wealth, but to share it within reason with those we encounter. Doing small acts of kindness such as paying for someone meal, paying for a families energy bill when you know they are in need, or as once in my youth providing a Thanksgiving dinner just because whoever sent it knew my family was not very well off, and often in need of assistance.

Proverbs 22:9 “He that hath a bountiful eye shall be blessed; for he giveth of his bread to the poor.”

Proverbs 28:27 “He that giveth unto the poor shall not lack: but he that hideth his eyes shall have many a curse.”

 In whatever state we find ourselves we will always be better off then someone. We don’t have to look very far to see the suffering and needs of others. While I have sat and thought about this a great deal, I have pondered the song by Brandon Heath:

 

Give Me Your Eyes

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city of lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touch down on the cold black-top
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breathe in the familiar shock of confusion and chaos
All those people going somewhere, why have I never cared

***

There’s a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie.
Too ashamed to tell his wife he’s out of work, he’s buyin time.
All those people going somewhere, why have I never cared.

 

(Chores)

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see,
Everything that I keep missing,
Give your love for humanity.
Give me your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.
Give me Your eyes so I can see.

 

If we could just all do a kind deed, just one a day, if everyone would reach out to help someone, and if everyone found it within themselves to pay it forward, we would all live in a world where the people in this world would be taking care of all the other people in this world, how much could we change. We are all part of a broken and fallen world, but if we are all broken together, maybe we can find a way to make it in this world together, because together we will always be stronger. Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” The idea of together stronger is a long running theme in the Bible. 1 Corinthians 12:12-27 speaks of the body working in separate parts, yet vital together. The legs and arms work apart, but vital as part of the body as a whole. We are all part of the body of Christ and if we are to work together we must learn to do this as one. We must learn to love one another, and when nice things are done for us, random acts of kindness, we must learn to pay it forward.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Would You Give Up?

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What Would You Give Up?

When all you want is all you can’t have, what would you give up? I was thinking of a song not to long ago by Tim McGraw : Don’t Take The Girl. When we live our lives we often feel like if we could just have one thing, just that one special thing it would change our life forever, and we’d never ask for anything big again? During the boy’s life in the song it starts off with a girl going fishing, and in his youth he doesn’t want the girl to tag along. He’s older and asks the girl to marry him and they get mugged. He begs the man not to take the girl. He offers his possessions in the hopes he can keep her from harm. Later she’s giving birth and complications arise and he begs God not to take the girl, he pleads with God to take him instead. Have you ever been in a place like that? Have you ever pleaded for something so strongly you’d be willing to trade places to protect someone from harm?

John 15:13 “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Have you ever loved someone so much you were willing to give your all for them, to protect them? Think about what it means to give up everything for someone. Think of what it means to make the ultimate sacrifice? Jesus Christ did that for us. He gave up his life to save ours. He suffered at the hands of the wicked, and his innocent bloodshed paved the way for our eternal salvation.

A love that would last a lifetime is a rare thing. A love that would wade through the mud and the muck, that would suffer long, and be patient and wait through the craziness of this world. Loving someone isn’t easy and sometimes that love in itself can cause pain, but through the pain can be something wonderful, something hopeful. Having the patience and the security to manage isn’t always an easy thing to do. Sometimes we must take a leap of faith in order to see what the world may offer. Sometimes for the one chance at the spark of love we must give up ourselves in order strike the match. It all boils down to faith. Do you have it, or do you need it? Either way in anything we encounter in our lives we must have faith to see the path through the darkness, and only in that faith can we finally, and fully see the light of true hope.

Stand Up For Something

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Stand Up For Something

What does our flag mean to you? Men and women have fought and died for it for over two hundred years. It’s flown over countless countries and even on the moon. It represents the best of what his country is and how we’ve persevered through all manner of hardships. This country has endured war and poverty, racial divide and unprovoked attack that left thousands grieving. The struggles we’ve faced and overcome we’ve done it together. We trust in our nation to pull through the toughest of times, and we know that when the going gets tough we band together to achieve any goal because we stronger together.

Now in this country as the flag flies people from all over protest the national anthem because of personal reasons. The sad part is, although we aren’t perfect, and we have a long way to go, are we really do bold as to say so disrespectfully that we sit or kneel to try and prove a point? What do the leaders show the rest of the country when they choose to divide instead of illicit togetherness? The powerful are who the average look to and when so much hate and discourse is thrown around the rest of us are forced to watch and see this every single day. When the flag goes by I’ve seen old Veterans barely able to walk and in wheel chairs muster the strength to stand not because they have to, but as a sign of respect for those who’ve fought and have been buried under the Stars and Stripes. Racial divide, police brutality, political disagreement has nothing to do with the representation of our flag and nation. Our constitution, our bill of rights, and all the people who’ve served, died, and fought to protect those liberties, and the attempt to give those basic human rights to others is what the anthem stands for. If you cannot in good conscious stand for what this country stands for then why are you still here? There are plenty of other countries out there and if you won’t stand and recite the pledge, hold honors to the colors, then really its not your micro protests, it’s this nation you’re disrespecting. If you hate it so much look at what this nation has given to you. Success, wealth, fame, and so much more, yet instead of using that wealth and fame to raise awareness, blatant disrespect and a lack of loyalty are the rallying cry. How irresponsible to teach the young people of today that honoring and respecting the great nation you live in is such a major disrespect. Once upon a time to call yourself an American was said with pride. Now people do nothing but gripe and complain. I hate to break it to most people but I’ve lived a great many places in this world and even with our faults our rights and privileges are still second to none.

I’ve buried friends under the flag, and I’ve seen the way other nations talk about us, and I’ve seen the hell of war fighting for a people that largely hated us from the start. The fact is using Iraq as an example, I watch the first election take place in Ar- Ramadi as women could vote for the first times in their life. We have grown as a country, and we stand for those who cannot stand for themselves. When God gives us power He expects for us to use that power to glorify Him. Now however we can’t even publicly say His name in a growing number of institutions. We were founded on the beliefs that God was sovereign and Gods grace allowed for us to have what many did not. Now God is used as a simple platitude of old and for many no longer holds any societal importance. Walk in the shadows long enough and God will either watch as we destroy ourselves, watch as someone else does it, or like Sodom and Gamora before us we shall watch as the flag burns and the nation crumbles around us. You can still show respect for this country even when you disagree with a few things. Disrespecting the entire notion of this country on national television, or in public view is a horribly way to get your point across, because honestly, if you loose the respect of your followers, or people you’re supposed to be a roll model too, what good are we if we can’t find a constructive way to express ourselves.

We must learn to hold ourselves as a higher standard. Its not just here in this country we must worry about what others think, we are now being viewed world wide, and we must remain a united front. Our enemies are constantly planning, working to destroy us, and here we are trying to destroy our own selves. To the outside world, we look like a country of ignorant fools, obsessed with the sound of our own voice, and our problems seem so petty to them, and yet, we argue and one day, that divided nature will be a problem, one I hope we can fix before it’s too late. So in closing if you’re going to stand for something, stand for something, and make it count. If you are going to protest something do it in a respectful way. If you’re going to disagree with someone enough of the screaming, enough of the rioting, the looting, talk it over, sit down and have a dialog about it. Enough of the want and destruction that has plagued our nation for too long now. As I’ve stated in the past, put a little love in your heart!

A Day With God

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A Day With God

Have you ever wondered what a day with God would be like? I like to imagine a peaceful day by a lake, fishing with the perfect weather, feet in the water, the sun warming your face, but not scorching. I imagine a conversation of deep thought, God asking the question to make me think, to discover truths within myself. While obviously this hasn’t happened to me, today was pretty great. I honestly felt more comfortable and at ease then I have in a long time. It’s an amazing feeling to finally start feeling like myself again. It’s been so long and I’ve struggled so much with the duality of who I was, what I’ve lost, and who it’s made me, that to finally feel a sense of relief I can only praise God for today.

Matthew 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” We must always remember that in our trials, or when our days are going perfect to always seek God first. Always give to God before ourselves, always praise the blessings we have, and be thankful in all things because even as grim as it may be, and not to underplay anyone’s situations, but it can always be worse in some way.

The day was bright, and sunny, and beautiful, the weather was perfect, the company I spent my day with was beyond amazing and I can’t remember the last time in my life I laughed as much, enjoyed life as much, and looked upon my life as relaxing. The wonders of life as it’s often unpredictable can be filled with so many blessings we can’t contain ourselves or articulate how we are feeling in a moment such as this. Today not only did I have a wonderful day, I managed to pay off the final bills and became truly debt free. While I am alone, and should obviously be celebrating I find myself content in my hotel room with my Tervis cup of wine and my wonderful service dog Riley, good music, and a few friends texting or messaging me seems to be all I need tonight. I look forward to my days ahead here on vacation, and then when I return home figuring out my next step. I’m trying to remind myself to live in the moment, and for tonight, and just the few days I’m here to remember to live, love and laugh. Joy is found in ourselves in whatever situation we find ourselves. Every day doesn’t have to be perfect, and it won’t be, but as for me, today, I couldn’t have asked for better.

Cha Cha Cha Changes

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Cha Cha Cha Changes

Well, now I have no idea what I’m going to do. The future looks like it’s going to be changing, and I see that it’s likely I’ll be kind of like that guy in a barrel about to go over the lip of the waterfall at Niagara Falls. Big changes come sometimes, and we aren’t always prepared for them. We don’t always know where the changes will take us, and we can’t always prepare for it. The changes that come raises the pressure, so our lives are someplace between Changes by David Bowie, and Pressure by Queen, “Turn to face the change” and “Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for, Under pressure that brings a building down, Splits a family in two, Puts people on streets” Life is full of change, and no matter how much we fight against it we just can’t seem to stop the raging river from doing what it wants. Time is that river of course and all way can do is lay back and enjoy the rapids.

While the future has been in a constant state of change with no set direction, nor has there been any resemblance that things are going to be calming down anytime soon, all I can do is sit back and pray. I am sitting around ready to go at a moments notice like the quick reaction force I used to be in Iraq. With major changes to the plan yet again, I haven’t the slightest clue where I’m going, or what I’m doing. With uncertainty the new catchphrase for my life, I’d say it’s back to the drawing board.

Proverbs 16:1-3 “The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord. All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit. Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” We plan what we want, what we think is best, but as our field of view is limited so we will never see the big picture. We must have faith that just because we may not have the slightest clue what we’re doing, God knows. As long as we are living our life in a Godly way, we can have faith that although the future may not be what we have planned, God’s still with us, God’s still on the throne, and we need to remain faithful and patient.

I remember when I was in Iraq we would sit around the house, we’d be cleaning equipment, playing games, watching movies, or catching up on some sleep. We waited around, waiting for the call that there was a mission. When that mission came we were ready within minutes to go into the unknown. We had a direction, but no idea what we were going to face. We responded to anything and everything to include IED’s (improvised explosive devices), suicide bombers, attacks, escorts, incoming fire locations, or outgoing fire locations. We were always flexible to the point some days we’d have several back to back missions, and often skipped meals for them. I don’t know what changed but I feel as if complacency has attacked me in my sleep. As I think back to what I call my glory days, I find myself longing for a time when I felt like I was making a physical difference in others lives. My teammates, my brothers depended on me to do my job. Now no one depends on me for anything. Reeling from the loss my my wife last year I find myself hoping I once again find someone to fill that void left in my life. I feel like I’m ready and I feel as if I’m sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for the next mission. I may not know when it’s going to come, but I know I have to be ready at a moments notice. So, here I am, ready for the changes, hopeful for the future, and ready for my next adventure.

 

 

Live by the Tongue, Die by the Tongue

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Live by the Tongue, Die by the Tongue

The little thing we keep in our mouths is a mix between dangerous and amazing. The tongue has the potential to say the sweetest of words, sing beautiful lyrics, site-amazing poems, and express the deepest of love. The flip side is anger, hate, bigotry, and can often sew decent in any situation.

Proverbs 21:23 “Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” When we live our life according to Jesus and the Holy Word, we must mind our tongue. When we consider the commandment of Love God above all with all your heart, and then love your neighbor as yourself, we must always remember that once spoken, words can never be recovered. Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” If we are lifting ourselves and other sup to the level Christ wants us to be, we must always lift up and not tear down. It’s not easy always minding the tongue, but it is something we are supposed to do.

When we love one another arguments usually happen. We have a choice however how to deal with those situations when they come up. Proverbs 12:18 “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” We often hurt our loved ones the most and we know just want to say just like plunging a knife in deeply. Why is it so easy for us to hurt the ones we care for? Knowing when to open your mouth and knowing when to keep it shut is a gift of patience and Holy Virtue. Proverbs 17:28 “Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” We need to remember sometimes it’s better to just shut our mouth and move on.

It’s very simple in concept, but probably the most difficult thing you’ll ever do. We as Christians must learn to control what we say. If what you speak isn’t used to raise someone up or help them genuinely, there’s no need to say it. So may kids today bullied to the point of torture, yet we stand idly by and continue to allow it to happen. Words do hurt, and we have a choice on how we want others to feel after talking to us. While it’s true we are not all gifted with speech, and we may not always say what we mean, or even know how to articulate the right words. It’s hard to articulate feelings, especially when feelings can cause strife. We must learn to articulate feelings in a way that doesn’t hurt your partner. While it’s not easy, it takes practice, and it takes the desire to want to know how not to hurt your loved ones, but with the right effort it’s possible.

If you live a life with love in your heart its easier to speak with love on your tongue. When you have anger, or hate in your heart you speak ill of people, you’re cruel and the words that you utter tear people down. Love and raise up, because in this world we could all use a little more love in our hearts. Love more, love often.

 

 

Rediscover

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Rediscover

The song plays in the distance, Moon River by Melissa Benoist. I have a dream to cross over the rainbow to find my Oz. A journey of discovery to find who I’m meant to be, I walk a path that seems black and white and without color we aren’t truly alive. Over the rainbow lies a land of magic, of color, of wonders beyond our wildest imagination. How do I get there I wonder, how do I take the step, then the leap to see if I can fly? I find myself scared to do what is necessary. I struggle to think about what if I’m making a huge mistake? The butterfly’s in my stomach doing summersaults, and as I watch a part of my life close, I wonder how did all this happens, I’m left with no answers. Life was good, moving forward, and I liked where I was. It’s so difficult closing a book when it’s over. A book that caught you, that grabbed every bit of your essence, and knowing that it’s done, it’s hard to grasp the finality of what’s come to pass. It’s clear now, that where I’m meant to is not where I thought I’d be. My life changed in an instant and in a year I found myself fighting a duality. I feel as if I’ve been split into two people and I barely recognize either of them. The man I see in the mirror I don’t recognize. The family that never would be, the career that ended before it flew, the awards that now gather dust in a box, all for nothing.

I know I never followed the typical path, but now I question why. What is it about me that so much bad have happened in a single lifetime? I look down at the cross I wear on my finger. The words of the armor are the reminder to remain strong and to fight the urge to crumble. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, and the urge to cry comes. I don’t know what’s waitin’ round the bend for me, and I don’t know if I have a friend waiting for me. I feel like I’m falling apart. My resolve seems to be shaken, and now I question everything. Of course when the going gets tough the answers are found in only two places. 1. Scripture, 2. Godly counsel.

Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

 My Lord, you must think I’m strong because I feel like the weight of the world is crushing me. Where is the light at the end of these hard times? Where’s the grace when the world isn’t fair? Where’s the faith I need to stand strong in the raging storm?

Rediscover 3Looking back at the person I once was I liked who I was back then. I look back and see the strength to take on the world, to overcome anything that came, and I was. I was a happier person, I was full of joy, and life. Today I feel so removed from then. I feel like the scars have built up and now I don’t see who I was any longer. I survived a war and through that I felt more me then I do now. The suffering from combat left me looking at the person in the mirror and I saw someone new. Now I look into the mirror and I see so little of my old self-looking back. It looks like me, but broken, fogged over through the steam that covers the glass. I wipe away the dew on the glass and I see the mask looking back at me.

God, I am broken today. I feel lost and I feel broken. My God I ask for healing today, and could healing happen today? My Lord on high you’ve watched me fall, you’ve seen me cry, you’ve seen me bleed, so I ask you on this day, to stand here with me broken together. Help pick me up and guide me along the right path. I don’t know which way’s up, or which ways down, I’m lost at sea with no stars to guide me. My fairy tale has broken down and like Humpdy Dumpdy I thought maybe I couldn’t be put back together again. Today I fall to my knees and I pray and pray, and I know that there’s only one hope for me, God’s love and God’s healing grace. I know that in this trial I’ve been tested. As many have before I me, I lean upon the words of prophesy.

Revelation 2:10 “Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and for ten days you will have tribulation. Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.” God you’ve never left my side even in the storm, even as I faced death, you carried me back on wings of grace. You saved me for a purpose and even when I don’t know what that is, you do. You have given me a second chance to praise you in the storm, and no matter the waves that pound against me I won’t back down, I won’t stop fighting. My God my God, you have seen me through the war, you have seen me loose it all, you’ve seen me stumble, you’ve seen me fall, but today as I cry and feel like I can’t go on, I feel the strength come from above. As I sit and write I cry and the moment I start my dog lays her head in my lap. You use her to remind me you’re still there.

I am reminded that I need you Lord because the worlds to big. I stop and I listen, I quite my mind, and I reach down deep to hear your voice again. It’s with me always but sometimes I forget. Lord you cover me with the grace of your Angels, you protect me from harm, and you lift my soul. You rescue me from the Devil’s snare and one day you will call me home. While today is not that day, and nor was it yesterday or the times before, you have watched over me.

While I sit and seek tomorrow I pray the rainbow is bright. I see my wonderland and through the keyhole I ask if I seek, someday will I find, someone to watch over me. The future is a question we can’t be afraid of. We must grab life by the horns and must learn to leap so we may fly. While I’m not sure where I’m going, or what I’m doing, I know that I must take the leap of faith, and I know this journey will be one for me to rediscover who I am. Often when a chapter ends, or even the book the next phase is to relearn, rediscover who you are, or who you’re meant to be.

Rediscover 2

I Can Go The Distance

I have often dreamed of a far off place
Where a hero’s welcome would be waiting for me
Where the crowds would cheer, when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying this is where I’m meant to be

I’ll be there someday, I can go the distance
I will find my way if I can be strong
I know every mile would be worth my while
When I go the distance, I’ll be right where I belong

As I keep going in this life, I know I will one day find that welcome. I remain on the path, and one day I will finish the song.

I will search the world, I will face its harms
‘Till I find my hero’s welcome waiting in your arms