What Gets You Excited?

 What Gets You Excited?

Do you have anything that attacks your senses and just gets you 8 years old excited? For me there’s few things in life that get me excited. I am not usually excited by much as I’ve gotten older. As more tragedies have occurred in my life more and more joys have been snuffed out. I no longer look forward to holidays as I used to, and slowly even television shows I once loved would soon just be watched out of habit, not out of excitement. I still get excited when I hear the new theme from the 2009 Star Trek. I find that excitement in my stomach happens at the theme, and it reminds me of a time period in my life when it provided comfort, and hope. In your life, what gives you comfort and hope? What about the hope that Jesus Christ offers you? Does the blood that gives us everlasting life comfort you?

How do we know what true hope is? Do we find our hope in people? Do we place our happiness and sense of belonging or self worth in the hands of sinful people? Human Beings are all sinful no matter how upright, or righteous anyone is. While years may pass before anything happens, so one can go their entire life without making a mistake. Sinful behavior happens within all of us, and thus at some point we will undoubtedly hurt those around us. In my own life I have often placed my self worth in what others thought of me. In the last few weeks I’ve had several big upsets in my social (if you can call what I have social) circle. Most of my relationships are digital ones and sadly most digital relationships, or so-called friendships are barely friendships. While this is not a blanket black and white statement I do believe it’s generally accurate. I believe most people aren’t looking for anything real, that they just want filler in their lives. I believe most people only want positive and uplifting conversation. At the first sign of any conflict people will leave without a word. At the first disagreement over anything they leave. I’ve been ghosted or abandoned enough times that in my life I can honestly say I have seen this first hand. As I have struggled with keeping friends in my life, I have often asked myself why people don’t like me, or don’t want me around. I have watched this in my life over and over and as I’ve struggled to change the outcomes but in each situation I’ve failed to change the end result. The impact on my self-esteem has been drastic. The change in my mood has been so drastic in the last few weeks it’s caused a mild depression to set in. The fact that I have allowed my feelings to be impacted so heavily by people I’ve never met is foolish at best. The desire to make friends has led me to different phone apps, different websites, different Facebook pages, and I have yet to have many positive experiences in the last two years. I’m not saying depression can always be avoided, but for me, if I were to stop placing my value in the hands of others, I would probably be much happier. What does scripture say about having hope?

Romans 15:13“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” During the old testament scripture is filled with God’s disappointment with the way in which Israel conducted itself. Within the messianic prophesies the Jewish people were looking forward to the savior that would come and save them from the hands of their enemies. What they would fail to realize was the hope they would have would not be to save them from their enemies, the Romans, or any other aggressor, it would be to save them from eternal death. In our time we look back to the Cross for our hope, and we know and understand that it was the blood shed on the cross that gave us hope. What’s hard for us in this life is dealing with the hurt, the pain, the suffering brought on by a sinful, fallen world. Heaven is more then our minds can comprehend and we see life as fair or unfair based on our particular point of view. Growing up I often felt that life was unfair. I watched others with more money wear nicer clothes, had bigger Christmas’s, and were more involved in school. I watched as popular kids had parties, and had plenty of friends. I suffered from a semi rare birth defect that left me self conscious and different. I struggled as over the years I would be forced to take time off from school to undergo a surgery. Having to explain my absence to other students became difficult at best. Not having a standard childhood I struggled with simple concepts of emotions. I spent time in church and during that time as scattered as my teaching was, I held hope that God had a plan for me. As more and more trauma’s and struggles happened to me I felt I had done something wrong and I was being punished by God as Israel had once been.

Growing up I sometimes had the gift to see events before they happened. I would see things in dreams, or sometimes just strong feelings before an event. When I was in Iraq I knew there was an IED near an area. I sensed it, and even though my feelings were dismissed I would find out not 15 minutes later I was right. In that attack four soldiers; four friends lost their lives. That was the last time I ever had a premonition of the future. I thought for the longest time I was doomed to suffer this whole life. I struggled for years thinking God was angry with me, and I would eventually give up on feeling better. It would be years before I felt God had finally given me a gift. I cherished the love he had given me, and I made my way back to church and back into God’s word. I learned in time that it isn’t God that brings us pain, it’s people, it’s sin, it’s personal choice, but in all things God gives us hope. Romans 12:12“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” We are along on this ride, this roller coaster and we never know what surprises we might find. We cannot see the future and we must just accept that in this life it’s a blessing to wake up every day. It’s only by grace that we have life, and we must above all else be thankful that while we are ambassadors of this life that means this isn’t home. We have a brighter tomorrow once this life has ended. Isaiah 40:31“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” It’s not easy, but we must find our joy within Christ. We must find our peace within the knowledge that this life isn’t everything. While it may be difficult at times, we must allow ourselves to keep pushing forward. Do not fear tomorrow, do not dread it, for we have a promise from God. Deuteronomy 31:6“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

While I cannot say I have mastered the art of not worrying about tomorrow, I can say the hope and love of Christ is what keeps me waking up in the morning. I can say that even on my darkest of days when I feel like everyone has forsaken me, I know that I still have Jesus Christ. While I do hurt from a lack of companionship, I know that the future can hold anything. God’s blessings are endless and I cannot loose sight of that hope. If we could understand and comprehend God, the entity we know as God wouldn’t truly be God. We cannot comprehend the perfection of Heaven. We cannot understand the complete nature of grace, and we can never understand the true level of Love shared by God. That being said, it’s in that love we must find excitement, find joy, and find the strength to carry on no matter how dark the path may seem.

 

 

What Would You Have Me Do?

What Would You Have Me Do?

We as Christians are often hated because of our strong opinions on particular controversial matters, but in that, it comes back to doing the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. There comes a time when anyone must decide the path they will take and the person they want to be. The time will come when you must choose to do what is easy, or what is right. I am reminded of the scene in The Dark Knight (Spoilers Ahead) Bruce is struggling with his roll as Batman because the Joker seems intent on causing destruction and death so indiscriminately that Bruce decides to turn himself in as the Batman. He asks Alfred for his advice yet initially ignores it.

BRUCE WAYNE: “People are dying, Alfred. What would you have me do?”

ALFRED PENNYWORTH: “Endure, Master Wayne. Take it. They’ll hate you for it, but that’s the point of Batman. He can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make, the right choice.”

We as Christians often sit back and watch the world and we shake our heads in shame, but we do nothing.  We ourselves often don’t endure the hardships without turning our backs or anger towards God. We have become so fickle, so quick to anger, so quick to forget the blessings and wonderful things we have received simply from God’s grace, not because we’ve earned it or deserve anything. We are worthy of nothing, yet we are given everything. We are hypocrites yet we are Loved endlessly. We are filthy yet we are cleansed in the blood and made clean.

I can recall times in my life when I was hurting both emotionally and physically and I have cried to God that I would do anything if He’d just make the pain go away. Sadly I have never experienced a time when my suffering was miraculously taken away, but I have experienced other miracles. I’ve experienced miracles so powerful it would be difficult for me to believe anything else as truth. Jesus Christ is the true son of God, the one the prophesy foretold, and the one who came to deliver us from the bondage of Sin. Jesus paid the price for our sins but we still have to walk the journey. In the book of Acts you see a man named Saul undergo a transformation. Saul was a Roman Jew who had made it his life’s work to seek out and destroy the Christian church. Anyone who supported or followed those who followed Christ would be subject to his wrath. He caused a great deal of pain and sorrow, and in his own eyes believed he was doing the work of God. While traveling to Damascus Saul was stricken before a blinding white light. He fell to his knees with the voice of the I Am in his head. Jesus spoke to him, and Saul’s response Acts 9:6 “6 And he trembling and astonished said, Lord, what wilt thou have me to do? And the Lord said unto him, Arise, and go into the city, and it shall be told thee what thou must do.” He asked the Lord what must he do? When was the last time we asked the Lord what we must do, but not in exchange for anything, just so that we may bring glory to the Father. Saul who was renamed Paul went on to serve the Lord faithfully, and even though he was warned he would suffer long in the name of Christ he continued to serve. Paul would be beaten, imprisoned, shipwrecked, attacked by snakes, be stoned, and a number of other things all in the name of Jesus Christ. Perhaps it was his penance for the suffering he had caused the Church, but through the constant beatings, torture, and everything else he maintained his faith. He would leave behind perhaps one of the greatest testimonials in this history of mankind.

My Lord I look to you, and I ask what would you have me do? I believe I’m told to endure, to take pain because I can. I believe that it’s not just my faith in Christ, but Christ’s faith in me that tells me I can make it through anything. Sure there will be troubles ahead but that’s what it means to be a hero. Christ tells us all we will face hardships and persecution in his name. When those times come we have a choice how we’re going to handle it. I believe the best thing we can do is ask God one question, ‘what would you have me do?’ I’ve not been very good at asking this question. I’ve more often then not been the guy to ask ‘why me?’ I’ve not always been a good Christian, meaning to say I’ve not always been as faithful as I should, or even behaved, as I should. If Paul is the example of how to hold one’s self in times of crisis, then I have failed miserably. I know that I have failed, but by the grace of God, my failures are forgiven, and I keep getting up and keep putting my feet to the ground. When we live our lives according to God’s word, the peace that comes isn’t a fix to the worlds problems, but it does make those problems easier to face. The future is never certain for those of us who aren’t fortune tellers, so all we can do is trust in the Lord and know that in all things, good, bad, beautiful, and horrible, we’re never alone, and God is working out all the details, big and small. 1 Peter 5:7 “casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”

Take some time and turn to God. Take some time and find what you can do for God’s glory. No matter what happens the will of God will happen, so we can live our lives worrying ourselves to death, or we can take a breath, say a prayer, and trust in God. We must stand apart because we are apart. We are told we live in this world, but we are not of this world. The world will hate us for what we are, but that’s the nature of being a Christian. Never have we been told in good conscience that we would be given everything we ever wanted. We are given what we need, and we give far less in return. We do not stand in fight for the helpless or the hopeless. We do not stand against bullies and tyranny. We do not stand the test of time without questions or doubt. The path that is easy is to walk of this world. The path that is difficult is the one led by the cross. We must carry our cross and do so proudly. We are sinners in this world, but through the power of Christ we are different, not just in faith, but in our actions. So be different. Be a hero tonight.

Prayer Requests

Prayer Requests

While I had intended a completely different topic, over the last few days so much trouble and sickness, and hurt has come to my attention. Sometimes we need to stop what we’re doing and realize that there’s so much more going on around us that we rarely see. I was sitting around yesterday with my cup around 1/3 filled when one by one the emotional flood started to come in and before I knew it, my cup was flowing over the sides. With no power to change a single situation, and with no possible advice to give, the only thing I could do was pray. So today, this post will be short and sweet, and straight to the point. We are taught to pray each and every day, all day about all things. We are told to pray for every one of our needs, our wants, our desires, and more importantly then ourselves, pray for others.

Today’s post is just to remind you to take a moment in silent reflection, and pray for everything going on around you. Follow these verses and remember to always way.

 

1 Thessalonians 5:17 – Pray without ceasing.

 

Philippians 4:6 – Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

 

Romans 8:26 – Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

 

James 5:16 – Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

 

No matter how dark things look, or how great things are, never stop praying. Never stop turning to God for everything we have. Never stop praying and turning to one another because the power of prayer is powerful.

Long Nights

Long Nights

It’s 1AM and I wake from sleep. I grunt and I roll over and close my eyes to sleep again. 315AM my eyes open again, this time it feels hot on my face. The mask that keeps me healthy is hot and sticks as I move. I adjust and drift back to sleep. 530AM and this time I wake up unable to fall back to sleep. The weight of the night heavy on my mind and it lingers like a dense fog. The dawn breaks the horizon forcing light beyond the gray clouds that blankets the sky. There’s rustling in the house as the internal clock of each animal hits 6AM. The animals are oblivious of the struggles of the night, and yet, to them the day moves forward as any other. Perhaps they are right, and no matter the night, or the week, or even the year, the day moves forward and no matter how much we want, the days come and go, and all of yesterday is gone.

We spend so much time worrying about the day, tomorrow, yesterday, and in that worry we cause anxiety, depression, regrets, and we fail to live in the moment. The struggle is real for millions perhaps billions of people every day. While we are taught in scripture not to worry, that God’s in control and it’s our faith in God that sees us through, theory is much easier then practice. Matthew 6:25-34“25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one [a]cubit to his [b]stature?

 28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not [c]arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

 31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

 

I have spent years trying to reprogram my thinking to accept the things I cannot control. I have sat in my own desperation and I have struggled to sleep because of it. I have been desperate for change, for answers, for anything to ease the storm inside. While many would say it’s a lack of faith that causes such problems I disagree. I think our faith is what allows us to get through tough times in a way that keeps our witness of Christ. I believe it’s our understanding of Jesus Christ that allows us to wake up every day and continue moving forward. I am certainly not the first person to struggle with depression, and low self-esteem. While I realize I am made exactly how God wanted me, I can’t help but consider the judgments of this world. Often we hear ‘don’t listen to what other people think.’ While this is true, when you hear the same thing over and over from many sources it’s hard not to hear it. The brain much like our body is affected by what it takes in. If a child is raised in an abusive household full of anger, bitterness, and verbal abuse, that child will undoubtedly suffer from depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and that’s best case scenario. Worst case is they adopt those behaviors and later in life become the same.

King David who wrote many, or most of the psalms is often seen suffering from depression, heartache, and yet always turns to God for truth, guidance, hope, and love. If David was known as the man after God’s own heart, then we come to realize even the strongest will face struggles. It’s not about the struggle it’s about how we manage. Do we let the darkness take hold and push us down a destructive path? Or, do we rise up, rise above, and praise Jesus in the midst of the storm? Deuteronomy 31:8“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Maintain your path, and when you feel the weight pushing you down, don’t try to hold up the world. Instead let the weight push you down, down to your knees and pray to God. When facing an opponent that’s bigger use their weight against them. When the world pushes you, just move out of the way, and let life fall down. The one with the power to control the very storm, we pray. Psalm 34:17The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.” We all have troubles, and some will let those troubles crush them, others will rise above, and not get stuck in the muck and mire. Psalm 40:1-3“I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. 2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. 3 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORDand put their trust in him.”

 In the absence of light in the dead of the darkness, I shall not fear because the God of Angel Army’s is always on my side. I trust in my Lord and I just speak the words and cast the darkness out in the name of Christ. When looking to tomorrow just remember God’s already there. When looking back at yesterday remember God was there too. And when looking to the moment God’s right by your side. Do not fear the darkness because no darkness can remain with even a tiny bit of light. John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” No peace can be taken from you so long as you maintain your foundation with Christ. No enemy can stand against you and take your salvation away from you. Romans 8:38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” So stand tall, stand firm, and if you wake in the middle of the night, praise God that you are awake and breathing, and be full of joy for the blessing of life.

 

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What Do You See?

What Do You See?

My God I sit here on my bed tonight and I ask what do you see in me? You’ve given me so much, and yet the flesh of this body betrays me. The scars that burn inside and out with regret and self-pity. The scars that burn as a reminder of what I’ve lost, where I’ve been, and hopefully where I’m going. Weeks like this week when the Devil’s been on the attack, wearing me down, I look to you my Lord, my Father, and I pray because I know I can’t do it on my own. The dark side of me has come bubbling up from the deep dark crevices in which it slumbers. I would go so far as to call it self pity, but days like today I feel the struggle longing for that special someone to spend time with. I know You are preparing me for something great, and I know my path is perfect for your plan, but today I feel my strength is not where I know it should be. Psalm 91:4“4 He shall cover you with His feathers, And under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and [a]buckler.” I look to the sky and pray your grace be sufficient for me. 2 Corinthians 12:9“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

I sit here and write what’s on my heart, and I wonder what it is you see in me. I wonder why this message has been laid on my heart. I wonder if someone else feels the way I do tonight. I know it’s wrong, but I envy much, and I ask for forgiveness of my sin. I see so many with smiles and loved ones on their arm. I see so many posting and planning for new babies. It feels so unfair that I’ve tried so long and here I’m made to wait. It feels like you’ve gone away but I know that’s not true. I can’t see the purpose but I have faith in you, and not in my own sight. I reach to the sky and call out your name, and I ask please show me a sign.

I know that in this life we have our ups and downs, and we just have to ride the roller coaster and trust we know where you’re leading our train. This week I feel as if I were taken down back behind the woodshed and received a beating. One thing I’ve learned is you can only go so far down before the ride goes back up. And when I get a beating like this it means I’m doing something right for the glory of the Father. I can only sit and ride out the rough patch, but have faith. It’s a fool who only celebrates the good times. It’s a fool who only wants to hear ‘positive vibes’. We do not live our life in a bubble. We do not live our lives in hibernation during the rainy season of our lives. What we need to do is train our minds to see how our struggles can be turned into blessings. While this is far from easy, we are told not to worry about tomorrow. We are told in scripture to focus on today, the here and now. So, in light of what scripture tells me, I shall leave you with this short message. Go out there and feel the grass. Hug your children, kiss your significant other, and enjoy the day. Go forth today no matter what your situation is and find a few things you can be thankful for. Thank God for answered prayers, and also those that have been turned down, and those yet unanswered. Have faith, and never give up hope on our Father.

 

 

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It’s a wonderful thing to be able to share the blessings and teachings of Christ with all of you. For those who read my works in Christ, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Recently I came across an amazing home business based in Travel and Entertainment that’s the real deal. The savings found through this business are amazing. If you shop online, like to go to movies, or travel, this gift card for you can save you up to 50%. Please enjoy your gift as a symbol of my appreciation and gratitude. God Bless.

Your Cage

Your Cage:

 We’ve all heard the term “Life’s Not Fair.” The truth is in the pudding, life isn’t fair. It doesn’t play by any set of rules. This fallen sinful world is full of people who the Devil has gotten his teeth into and live to watch the world burn. Some people in this life love the darkness so much so that they embrace it. Some people love to feel powerful and feel the need to take power from others. Some men rape, and murder, and steal and terrorize others. In my life I’ve seen some horrors and I’ve experienced evil. I’ve seen the depravity of man and I know the pain and anger that’s left in the aftermath. I know what it’s like to feel so angry it feels like you’re going to explode. I know what it’s like to take a baseball bat and hit an inanimate object over and over and over again. I know what it’s like to be afraid of the world. I remember when I got home from Iraq driving on the street terrified me. I was scared of trash on the road, and other cars being to close to me. I was scared to go into a crowded store alone. I was scared to sleep in my bed without a gun next to me. To this day, I struggle to sleep without a gun with me. I have a hard time going to the store by myself knowing I am defenseless. I am still uncomfortable if I’m ever boxed in on the road, or if I can’t be ahead of traffic. It terrifies me to be sitting still on the road. What does any of this really mean? It means I created a cage for myself and I have the key, but I refuse to leave.

When I left the comfort of my tent in Kuwait for the long road to Ar-Ramadi in Iraq I really didn’t know what to expect. I had anticipated being shot at on a regular basis. I expected to be hit with one IED (Improvised Explosive Device) after another. I expected to be hated and despised by the locals which whom our mission was to win the hearts and minds. The reality was far different then what my mind had concocted. Yes I saw combat, and yes every bit of trash was a danger, but the attacks didn’t come every day like I had imagined. Never the less after a year on edge that became so engrained in my fight or flight response that reprogramming the event has been difficult, near impossible to date. One major issue is my own mind not letting go of the past and allowing myself to walk out of my cell and leave the key behind me. My mind has made the cage seem safe, and I like where it’s safe, and I don’t want to venture to unknown places. There are dangers in the unknown, and I am not equipped to deal with them. Alone I am vulnerable, exposed, and even with a head on a swivel I am ill prepared to handle the attack when it comes. I look to the exits, I scan every person big or small, and I feel the adrenalin spiking as the crowds grow. Anyone is a robber, a thug, a terrorist, and at any moment the excrement can impact the oscillating device. The risk is just to high so I stay home.

That was me 12 years ago. I hated going anywhere because that’s what my mind did to control me. It’s taken years for me to break through that barrier and move forward. While I wouldn’t say I’m free of the cage, I am comfortable saying the cage has expanded. I am not longer a prisoner of my home. I have found many different ways to cope with my social anxiety, but there are days when it still affects me worse then others. One of the big things in therapy is finding what works, and to get there it takes trial and error. I’ve heard so many people tell me they got into therapy and because it didn’t work after a few weeks stopped going. People think therapy is a quick fix, that you go and you talk about your issue, or perceived issue, and after a few sessions you are all better. That’s not the way it works, that’s not the way the brain works, and sadly those kinds of fast food therapy ideas are why we as Americans struggle so much. We have lost our faith and we no longer believe in anything, and we are fly by night Christians, and we are really only Christians in name. We say the prayers, we identify with a social norm, and that’s what we are, but most Christians don’t ever open their own bibles and read or study. Most Christians don’t even go to church regularly, yet hold onto the name Christian. Many Christians act churchly when they are in the building with the cross on top, but as soon as the car door closes to go home, Mr. Hyde comes out and it’s an entirely different scene. In order for us to deal and manage with the traumas of life we must first repair the damage between Christ and us. We have walked so far away from the cross that we wouldn’t know scripture if it hit us in the face. We have allowed ourselves to conform to the ideas of this world, and we have removed God from our lives so now when things go bad we have no faith, nothing to believe in, and above all, or rather, worst of all, no hope for a brighter tomorrow.

After years and years of trauma I have my issues, but I have found ways to still live a normal life. I have faced my demons and while that fight ongoing, and slow, there’s still forward momentum. I know which direction I need to go, and while I would love to place blame, it’s a futile exercise in making excuses. The truth is I cannot change what happened to me, or why it happened, but I have a choice with how I live my life right now. I have a choice how I want to behave, how I want to feel, and I decide my frame of mind. I am under no disillusions that God is the one that either allows things to happen, or nudges us towards a particular direction. Every situation, good and bad is an opportunity for us to evangelize and praise God. It doesn’t matter what ‘bad’ thing happens to you, whether it be a death in the family, a murder, a rape, a sickness, a loss of a job, a loss of a spouse, nothing changes the ultimate outcome. One thing I hear so often is ‘you wouldn’t understand.’ While the flavor of the ice cream may be different I still know how to eat ice cream. Trauma is trauma no matter what flavor it is. There’s a time to love and a to hold. There’s a time to walk along side hand in hand, and eventually there’s a time to push or pull someone through. The biggest detriment for those who suffered trauma is when they get stuck in that incident. I know because I was there. After I watched my close friends die horrifically in an explosion, and while I did CPR and failed to save one, I relived that event for years. I became stuck and it took therapy for me to have a break through. Therapy is not something to be taken lightly, and it’s not a Genie in a bottle that can snap his fingers and make you all better. There is no cure for cancer in a day, and there’s no cure to repair damage done emotionally. There are ways to get over some anxieties. There are ways to manage fear. There are ways to overcome horrible cages that we place ourselves in. You have to want to do what is necessary, and you have to find yourself coming and letting Jesus back into your heart, or letting Jesus Christ in for the first time. Faith is the strongest medicine you can find, and faith mixed with professional help and a drive to actually fix the problem, will put you on the healing path.

While others may be able to teach us, show us the way, help pick us up, ultimately the door to recovery starts with us. We have to be ready to walk through the door and follow whatever path waits for us on the other side. While we sit in our cages unwilling to do what is necessary we are the ones who hold our own key. We must be willing to step foot out of our own comfort zone and take a chance in the big, bad, scary world. We may realize that the world although never truly safe, isn’t as scary as we once made it out to be. We can believe the lies fed to us by Mother Gothel, and we may keep ourselves trapped up in our towers forever, or we can escape and see the world as beautiful, and full of life. Sure is there risk? Of course there’s risk, but one day we have to look back over our lives, and we will have to decide if we are satisfied with how we lived. Living in fear is no way to live. Life’s to short to worry about it. If you know you’re saved, and you know that Heaven is where you will be, truly, this life is just a temporary holding pattern for the real life waiting for us. If one day I’m out and I am mugged and shot and killed getting money from the ATM, I know I lived my life as well as I could, and I know I’m happy with what I leave behind. Don’t let fear stop you from living, from going out and enjoying the blessings God has bestowed on our life.

 

Am I pretty?

Am I pretty?

Have you been judged by the way you look? Most of my life I have been judged by my looks and I’ve struggled to make peace with the horrible experiences I’ve had. No matter how much I change my look, change my approach, I have been left with a simple truth, it’s not God’s plan. I have struggled making that peace, and when I look in the mirror I don’t see the man I once knew. Just over two years ago, I looked in the mirror and saw a husband with a beautiful wife, and I knew we weren’t perfect, but I was happy. I allowed myself to break and crumble and as I have put myself back together it’s a fractured mirror. Recovery takes time and one of my biggest failings is caring so much about what other people think of me. I have allowed people to dictate my value, and I know that me believing in that is believing the lies Satan is feeding me. The hard part is not knowing they are lies, it’s being able to change my perception. Of course when we are met with questions in life the only true way to find answers is to go to scripture.

Although this message was for wives I believe men can also learn from it. 1Peter 3:3-4“3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the [a]incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” We must focus on the inward appearance and ensure that we are beautiful people in spirit and personality. We must trust and have faith that God will one day put the right person in our path to accept us who we are. Relationships aren’t about changing someone; they are about accepting someone for who they are, faults and all. When you’re in the right relationship you will naturally become your best self.

It’s not easy when you’re rejected because no one likes to feel unwanted. In the last several months I have begun talking with people who rejection seems to be all they know. One thing I’ve been learning about ministry is your message is best received from those whom you can relate. After two affairs, and two years of non-stop rejections, I find I am being placed on a path where I have yet to learn the object of the lesson. I firmly believe that if you are experiencing the same thing over and over again it’s either, you’re making the same mistakes, or, God’s trying to teach you a lesson. I’m reminded of an episode of Arrow. Oliver Queen is trying to teach his new recruits on object lesson and the object is to learn the object of the lesson. In life we must understand that for every situation we encounter a lesson can be learned. Something can be taken away and used in every instance. Nothing in our lives should be wasted.

No matter what the world tells you, you are beautifully created. External beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you will be beautiful to someone. Don’t allow your identity to be defined by others. God has made you, and God doesn’t want us to be alone. Someone is out there for each of us. We need to make sure we are living in the will of God, and when the time is right, and we are actively serving God, good things will happen. I know I struggle with patience and I absolutely hate being single, but I know that God is working things out for me. I know I need to ignore the rejections, and the never-ending lonely nights. I need to ignore those who feel the need to ghost people, and those who are selfish and shallow. I need to accept who I am, and who God has made me to be. I cannot change it so much like the serenity prayer“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;  courage to change the things I can;  and wisdom to know the difference.”

 

Apologetics

Apologetics:

What is Apologetics? No it doesn’t mean how to apologize for doing something stupid. Apologetics is defined as the following, “reasoned arguments or writings in justification of something, typically a theory or religious doctrine.” Why is this important you ask? Well, I’m glad you did, because as a Christian this is tremendously important. How do we share the gospel to those who believe in something different? The study of apologetics will allow you the ability to mount a plausible and reasonable defense. Recently I have found that as well as I know scripture, and as well as I am able to articulate coherent thought, the art of apologetics is still something to be studied and practiced on a regular basis. I have found it difficult for me to not explain what Christianity is, but rather why Christianity is the truth. Many people struggle with this aspect of their faith. It’s not that they doubt their faith to be truth, it’s that they don’t know how to articulate Christianity. First thing that must happen is you pray, you need to pray that God will give you the words and that God will open the heart of the person, or people you’re talking to. For me, as the personality type INTJ, I use facts in every single argument I make. I don’t argue unless I know those facts to be true, and that I know for sure I’m right in that particular argument. If I’m not right, I stay away from the argument, and if I’m not sure, I research facts first. The problem with facts is, no matter the facts I can present about the truth and Gospel of Jesus Christ, people just don’t accept facts as truth. For an INTJ this can be incredibly frustrating.

The Facts:

  • Scripture was written over a 1400-year time span by many different authors and without much influence by previous writings.
  • Physical evidence proves the existence of many characters from biblical account.
  • Scriptures accounts of Creation mirrors the account attributed to the ‘Big Bang’ in many ways. Although the timeline doesn’t match up, the process is still the same. Scripture was written long before the theory of the big bang.
  • Jesus Christ lived, and was crucified for blaspheming and as a threat to those in power.
  • 13 people saw Jesus Christ’s miracles and teachings every day. Thousands saw Christ throughout his ministry. The Roman Empire failed to prove Christ was a fake. Christianity survived the largest most powerful force on the planet.
  • The soldiers at the tomb would have been elite Roman Centurions and knew failure meant death.
  • Even after the tomb Jesus was seen by over 400 people, still performing miracles. The Roman Empire tried to quiet the movement but was unable to because everyone they interrogated preferred death over lying about what they saw and experienced.
  • Paul, known as Saul at the time was a high ranking member in the Jewish synagogues and was responsible for persecuting the church. He was responsible for murdering Christians hunted them with extreme ferocity. Saul experienced a life changing event on the road to Damascus where he was struck blind. There were eyewitnesses to the account. Paul experienced a radical 180 in his beliefs after that event. He went from being one of the most feared men in all of Christianity to one of the loudest voices for Christianity.
  • Each of the Apostils faced execution for their positions on Christ. Prior to execution and during stays in jail these men were tortured and beaten beyond our ability to understand in 1stworld countries. Floggings were common, and the wounds from being flogged would have been deep and long lacerations across their entire back. Each of the men would have been given the opportunity to recant their statements, denounce Christianity and go along their way. Neither of them changed or recanted their stories, not once.
  • Many believe in the conspiracy theory that the stories about Christ were made up and rehearsed to add a new religion to the world. This however is easy to debunk when you consider what is needed to keep a conspiracy alive. Even today conspiracies usually fall apart within hours of being captured because no one wants to take the fall. When multiple people are captured and to get information from them torture is used, how many people would undergo torture for a lie? How many people would be able to give the same story over and over again never once wavering on the details, especially under torture. The reason torture is so ineffective in today’s world is because people will tell you anything you want to hear, just to stop the pain. This never happened with any of the Apostles. The Romans wanted to break Christianity and stop the uprising and were willing to do it any way possible, to include under Nero having Christians sentenced to die in the arena during his games. These games often included death by exotic animals to include tigers. Had any of the Apostles or eyewitnesses of Christ recanted their stories, the Romans would have capitalized on it, yet no one did. Further more, even if one were able to withstand the torture, how many people would be willing to die for a lie? These men saw with their own eyes the power of Christ.

There are many more reasons to believe that Christianity is the real deal. Eyewitness accounts and the facts that Scripture has withstood years of scrutiny from some of the most dedicated atheists and yet, many of those atheists have since converted to Christianity because the evidence showed them the opposite of what they aimed to prove. One such individual is Los Angeles Cold Case Detective J. Warner Wallace. http://coldcasechristianity.com  Another is A Case For Christ by Lee Strobel. Both men tell their incredible journey from Atheist to Christianity. These powerful stories can be heard over and over again as atheists and other faiths have left their long standing beliefs behind in exchange for the truth and salvation of Jesus Christ the savior of mankind. I myself have experienced the presence of God on more then one occasion but one event stands out above the rest.

A couple years ago I was bleeding out from a self inflicted gunshot wound. I was unconscious in less then a minute as the bullet went through my lung. I was loosing blood quickly and as I was starting to turn grey and purple the paramedics didn’t expect me to survive the trip to the hospital. As clear as any waking moment I recall telling God I was sorry. The response would forever change my life. I heard the Lord say, “You’re Forgiven.” The words themselves were powerful, and felt like a jolt of electricity rush through me. (No I was never hit with the paddles) I instantly awoke in the ambulance to the shock of the EMS team working on me. After hearing the voice of God I wanted nothing more then to ‘go home’. God it seems kept me alive and forgave me of my sins for a purpose. That purpose would be found not long ago, but even that event would serve as an experience I would be able to use in my ministry and my walk with Christ.

As a Christian we are obligated to study and learn the word of God. We are told to take scripture into our hearts and minds and live what we learn. When we follow the Great Commission we will encounter those of all faiths and all levels within those faiths. We must learn how to articulate the truth without exaggeration, and without watering down the truth. You will never be able to talk someone into Christianity, because anyone who can be talked into it will be talked out of it. Facts only hold so much weight for the non-believer so share the gospel, share personal experiences, a little facts, and pray God opens their hearts. We cannot save everyone because much like the matrix, everyone who’s still plugged in is apart of that system, and not everyone is ready to be unplugged.

 

 

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It’s a wonderful thing to be able to share the blessings and teachings of Christ with all of you. For those who read my works in Christ, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Recently I came across an amazing home business based in Travel and Entertainment that’s the real deal. The savings found through this business are amazing. If you shop online, like to go to movies, or travel, this gift card for you can save you up to 50%. Please enjoy your gift as a symbol of my appreciation and gratitude. God Bless.

Hold On

Hold On:

In the course of our lives we will go through a mound of trials, one more intense then the next, but what are we really doing with those experiences. My personal experiences have left scars and those scars have been an irritant for many years. I’ve struggled most of my life with low self esteem, and that’s had a major impact on my adult life. When we go through painful events if we don’t have a strong foundation those events can start to pile up and leave us feeling self-conscious, bitter, and sometimes resentful. I know for me, I have argued with God on many nights why would He allow me to go through so much. I have often asked what I had done to deserve so many tragedies. I have been angry with God for so many people abandoning me. The thing is though, had I been more mature in my faith I would have understood the true nature of being a Christian. I would have understood that God loves us, but He is first and foremost our father. He disciplines us when we are bad, and allows us to make our own decisions, good or bad. He cries when we cry, and laughs when we laugh. Jesus Christ is always with us whether it be the green meadow, or the valley of death, the Lord is always by our side. Somewhere I lost sight of that, and begun to self-pity. I failed to realize that we are the metal, and life is the forge. We have the ability to face life with a smile on our face, or we can let life beat us down and take away our joy.

Scripture is full of promise concerning living life. We are told that life will not be easy. We are told that to be a Christian is to suffer. We are warned that we will face trials, and persecution for our faith. 1 Corinthians 4:8-9 8 “[We are] troubled on every side, yet not distressed; [we are] perplexed, but not in despair; 9 Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;” If we build our faith on good soil, allow Jesus Christ to fill our hearts and let it take root, we will have good fruits for our labor. We will not wither under the hot sun. When we allow Christ to be our foundation we can build our lives on that, and when the storm comes we will not loose everything. Philippians 4:13  “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”Do not become angry with God for the sins of man. Do not become bitter with God for the trials we face simply makes us stronger. In every situation both good and bad draw closer to God. Give thanks for the good times and the bad. Pray for God every day and every night and in all things bring glory to the father. 1 Peter 5:10  “But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle [you].” We know that we are ambassadors for Christ, and to be an ambassador that means we are not on our homeland, but in a foreign land. We are not home in this world, but just passing through. That knowledge, that viewpoint allows us to grasp the true nature of this life, and understand it’s purpose. We are lowly servants to the Lord and we deserve nothing, but through grace and love we are saved. We have been shown mercy and in that mercy and love comes a cost, the cross. Christ suffered in this world for us, and for the gift of salvation the price we pay is a little suffering on our path. 1 Peter 4:12-13“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.”

Though we face the fiery trials we are not alone. We are the church and we must stand together and help one another bare burdens. We must lean on one another in our times of need. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.” Christ tells us we will suffer, and he was telling all people who follow him what the future would hold. This is prophecy, and we should take heed to it. John 16:33“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”Heaven has never been free. While the price was paid in blood, it is us that must understand that Christ is the only way. Loving Christ and having faith that he is our one and only savior is how we get that golden ticket. We are tested in this world, tested if our faith is strong. We are forged in the fires and when our time comes, we will be strong, courageous, and faithful to our Lord.

Just know that following Christ was never promised to be easy. Just when you think things are going well, and you’re on a winning streak a pipe burst under the house and floods the crawl space. The Devil doesn’t want us to be happy and He wants us to turn on God and walk away. So keep the faith, deal with one problem at a time, and keep pushing forward.

 

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It’s a wonderful thing to be able to share the blessings and teachings of Christ with all of you. For those who read my works in Christ, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Recently I came across an amazing home business based in Travel and Entertainment that’s the real deal. The savings found through this business are amazing. If you shop online, like to go to movies, or travel, this gift card for you can save you up to 50%. Please enjoy your gift as a symbol of my appreciation and gratitude. God Bless.

Surgery, What Surgery?

Surgery, What Surgery?

It’s been a year, but it hardly seems like it. With so many things different now then they were a year ago, it’s hard to believe it’s been that long. My recovery from a C5/C6 spinal injury and surgery has been slow, but in that year I have grown. I push myself and although there is a consequence, I decided early in my recovery I didn’t want to allow my injury to define me. Yes, there were things that changed forever, and I would always have difficulty doing certain physical activities, but I have come farther then I imagined in a year. Ironically, as I am at my anniversary I am starting physical therapy once again.

In a year since my surgery I have learned how to surf, I have rope climbed, and I have done a 40+ mile bicycle ride on a recumbent trike. I have come far, and I trust that I will continue to grow. I know I wouldn’t be where I am today had I not pushed myself along the way. There have been days when the pain was horrible and I could barely move, and there were days when I felt like I could run a mile. The difference between having pain, and allowing that pain to control you is strength. We must learn that to grow sometimes it means to suffer a little pain but the end result is worth it.

Christ tells us those who will pick up their cross and follow Him will have trials and tribulations. They will suffer persecutions, and will undoubtedly have friends and family turn their backs on you. He tells us that love suffers long, and if we are to love Christ we to must endure the sufferings because we are just ambassadors in this land. This is not my home. My home is a Heavenly one, and to get there I walk in a land that is not my own, amongst a people that will undoubtedly hate and despise me. The beautiful thing about human beings is also the most heartbreaking thing, free will. Although my options were limited when it came to my surgery, I still had a choice. I could have done nothing and likely died of meningitis, or I could have the surgery. While it doesn’t seem like much of a choice, I could have chosen death.

In the last year I have made the choice to become much more active with the Wounded Warrior Project, in which I’ve posted about extensively. During those times I was given the distinct pleasure of meeting some amazing people, amazing veterans, and I’ve made some wonderful friends. It all started with a choice to take a chance and move out of my comfort zone. I made the choice to go on my first adventure to South Carolina and that trip changed my life. Before my South Carolina trip I went on a non WWP trip to Hawaii. I would say that trip set the tone for me to explore beyond the walls of my house. I watched as I pushed myself just months after surgery to do things I never thought I’d be able to do again. I explored my ability and found I am capable of far more then I ever gave myself credit for. A capability that without doubt has been a gift from God.

In the last year I had surgery, I moved out of my house, I lost my job… twice, due to my injury. I got divorced, yet I’m still friends with my ex. I have continued with this Blog, and now I’m back in school. Beyond all of that I am looking at my future plans within the church and continuing my biblical studies accordingly. While my career has not advanced, and I’m not living where I’d like, I feel I am exactly where I am meant to be. I also feel I’m doing exactly what God wants me to do. I have faith in my Heavenly Father, and I know that regardless of my injuries, my status, or where I live, I will be used to further glorify my Father and bring honor to his most Holy of Names. Jesus Christ has saved me time and again and I shall continue to try and be contempt in where I am. Like Paul before me, I had my own Damascus road. I can’t simply go back and undo what happened to me. I know I must continue to push through my physical and emotional pains, and find strength in my own weaknesses through Christ my Savior. No matter how low your life looks, just know that it won’t always be that way. There is always hope. On the 3rdday scripture says He rose again. The disciples before that were hopeless, they felt lost, as most of them questioned who Jesus was. He rose again, and thus proved forever who he was, and settled the word as stone. Have faith and for every season, times will move forward. Don’t loose hope because Christ is with us always till the day we are called away from this land, then we shall finally go home and truly sit with the King.

 

PSA: I will be away for a few days, and thus, this will be the last post till I return. As always, you can email me if you need anything, or you can post your prayer request on the prayer request page. Go forth and look into your life and see how God is using you, using your gift to spread the love and Gospel of Jesus Christ. Don’t let whatever is holding you back keep you from your purpose. God has created each and every one of you with a mission and know that so long as you trust and have faith in God you can do anything. Keep fighting the good fight, and I look forward to posting on Monday…. Or Tuesday.