Tag: history

Loss

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Loss

The losses I’ve seen have been immeasurable. The battle always wages on inside us. The sights and sounds of the war still rage on. You close your eyes and the weapons flash, the sounds of explosions and the feel of the blast vibrate through your chest. The sights of burnt pieces of metal, a whole so deep in the ground you picture men placing the objects of death in the hole dug. No matter how hard you try the faces never leave you. The smells invade the memory and create a feeling of nausea you just can’t fight. The heart pumping quickly ever memory of explosions along with the fear from the RPG’s flying over head, the bullets ricocheting off the driver door, the, and the weight of the wheel when you can barely fight the truck your driving. The dead haunt me, and the living spites me.

The air is warm, and the sun shines down to the world below. The feeling of the pistol the handgrips textured, the trigger smooth and light. The black smooth slide almost reflective the last things seen before the flash. The blood pools and drains down the shirt. The air sucked from the lungs as the world turns black. To see the blackness of nothing, a voice slips between the lips. ‘God I’m sorry.’ As the thunder struck, the voice shook the world, ‘You’re forgiven.’ Waking in pain so bad death would be a release. The weight of the world now crushing down, the future bleak and dark, but is that a light at the end of the tunnel?

A divorce rips apart a life. The feeling of betrayal, the aching of emotions feels physical. The lowness of the barrel, only to be repeated twice, twice the pain, and no the second time wasn’t easier. Loosing loves twice by way of affairs hurts down into the pit of your stomach like nothing I ever felt. But sad to say this wasn’t the only pain I would feel.

Growing up, I experienced a couple traumatic events, I won’t go into detail now. Just know that the pain felt as a child was confusing, and difficult. The only truth was God was always there watching over me, helping me through it, even if God was the farthest thing from my mind at the time. The struggles of an 11 year old trying to understand the cruelty of the world is difficult, and harsh. Why would a loving God allow such pain and suffering upon the innocents of a child?

Between watching loved ones die, loosing family, loosing friends, being close to death myself, the truth remains that in the vastness of loss and heartache the Lord is still on the throne. Every situation both good and bad that forces us down a path, we must remember to thank God for everything we have no matter what it is. God is not evil, and God doesn’t bring hardships unless we need the lessons. No matter the cost we must endure the hardships in front of us. Our lives can be the ice storm, or the thaw after, if we focus on the right path.

Being displaced, and having everything ripped away, everything one would hold most dear in life is something no one should have to endure, especially twice. While we all will face grief and suffering the difference is the sheer number of events, and the intensity of each one. While the truth is plain no matter who we are pain and suffering are bound to happen. We were promised pain, and suffering, trials, and we were promised the thorns and thistles, but in all of that we were also promised grace, peace, and love. Gods grace is sometimes all we have, and that grace in the wake of loss has to be enough, because if it’s not, we are left with no hope, and if we have no hope, life is lost.

I reach out

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I reach out

I reached out and no one was there, the cold bitterness of the dark blackest night. The frozen rain stings against my bare face. The frozen waist land all around and cracks in the ground that would swallow you whole. The moon is gone hidden behind the black clouds. The wind howls and whistles over the ice. Lost on the ice with no compass. The storm so thick two steps in front of you is blotted out in the white wall of snow and ice. The wind chills deep down into your bones. The prick of the icy mix feels like a thousand cuts all over your face. You look down using your arms and hood to block the wind, but it’s no use. You fall to the ground and dig into the snow. You dig until your fingers are numb and there’s a hole big enough to crawl into. You crawl in and curl against the tiny wall you created. You close your eyes.

The storm rages on around you, beating down upon your resolve, your patience, your hope, and yet you remain resolute. Huddle down upon your inner strength and focus on your today, planning on surviving the wintery blast, and hold onto that small bit of warmth inside you to get you threw the now, and into tomorrow.

Psalm 46:1 “46 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” When it’s cold outside and we don’t know how to survive the night, it’s in Psalm we find our truth. Psalm 107:29 “29 He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still.” No matter how bad the situation may be, tomorrow’s sunlight can wash away the snow. Psalm 34:17 “17 The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles.” Are we the righteous, or are we the damned? Are we to rise above the clouds and survive the storm, or are we to die in the frozen waist land of our sorrows? When you are huddled up and you don’t know where to go or how to continue the journey of King David. Psalm 91:1-2 “91 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.” Do we have true faith that in our time of struggles the Lord will be there with us and protect us? Is our faith strong enough to save ourselves in that faith? 2 Corinthians 12:9 “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

Open your eyes huddled down beneath the snow. When you open them your world is in your hands. Your life, your faith in God can be the defining fact. If God’s will be done you open them to the storm subsiding. The sunshine covering the white covered ground, glistening, glowing in the light. The sun glistening off the snow brighter then anything you’ve ever seen. The wonders that the storm stopped, praying for your life, placing your life in God’s capable hands is the direction we should follow. No matter how dire the situation God is capable of surrendering the storm and although you may not come out of the storm completely unscathed, you can be pulled from the heavy weight of the snow.

 

 

 

 

Sweet Godly Accidents

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Sweet Godly Accidents

It’s interesting how a mistake, an accident can be a great and wonderful gift from God. The other day when I was building a Lego house I was completing the very fragile roof I accidently pushed too hard and a section of the roof collapsed. Obviously this is a frustration because once the collapse occurred the only way to fix it was to take the entire roof down and start over. While there was a gaping whole in the roof of the house all I could say at the time was oops. Within a moment I had decided to use it to my advantage. Over the last several months I had made note of bad choices surrounding my life, some were my choices, and others were that of others. The point is sometimes out of an accident a blessing or a path is waiting for you. We may not always see the reason for accidents, but sometimes it’s to teach us a valuable lesson, or alter the path we are on. Matthew 10:8 “8 Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead,[a] cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.” We receive gifts and we don’t always acknowledge what we’ve received as a gift. While I wrote the blog post ‘OOPS’ I found myself considering the consequences of the good and bad things I had witnessed the last 11 months. As my world around me crumbled into a million or more pieces the why is this happening, the what am I supposed to learn and do now, the when will I begin to feel better in my life, questions that wouldn’t come, but faith would continue to guide me like a lighthouse in the bitterness of the worst storm I’d ever see in my life.

It’s amazing how some actions may seem like accidents, or even things that are accidents, but either way, God is working to pull you through no matter what the case may be. In all of our mistakes, in all of our suffering, there’s still lessons to be had, blessings to be seen. Romans 12:6-8 “6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; 7 or ministry, let us use it in our ministering; he who teaches, in teaching; 8 he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.” In each of our God given gifts we must find the will to survive. We must always find a way out of the fire. The gifts we’ve been given no matter what they are can be used to glorify God. We must learn to use our gifts to the best of our ability and in using our gifts help to lift up those around us. Every accident is a chance to glorify God. Every mishap is a chance to show what God is in our lives. One way to look at an accident is a Godly opportunity. No matter the tragedy, no matter the accident we have an opportunity, an obligation to rise above and show what being a Christian is all about. Always look to the sky, and know that God is looking out over you. In every mistake or accident the chance to fly above the clouds is always there. You may feel like you’re in the muck but when you behave has a true Godly Christian, you can fly, soar through the clouds because if God is for you, then who can be against you?

When we forsake our faith, when we turn our backs on God we can be sure that the blessings in our life are only a snowballs chance. We never know what our future holds and what blessings may be just beyond the river bend. We may never know the joys that are waiting for us, and in that, we can have faith, that the faithful will be blessed. It’s easy to look back on a situation and have our perspective skewed, tainted by the world, the attacks by the Devil. When we are suffering the pain can blind us from the truth, and from our path. The struggle is to remain focused on God, focused on God’s plan for us, which is of grace not despair. Trials and pain will happen, but if we trust, truly trust in the Lord, there may be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Just remember, without the storm, there is no rainbow and with no rainbow, no pot of gold. Endure the storm, to find your pot of gold.

 

OOPS

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OOPS

Have you ever made a mistake, a big one that was life changing, but you didn’t know how to own up to it? The fact of the matter is, we are never going to be perfect, and sometimes we make mistakes that are so uncharacteristic the outside world is shocked at our behavior. It’s not a matter of if we make a mistake, or a big one, it’s how we own up to it. Galatians 5:5-8 “5 For every man shall bear his own burden. 6 Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things. 7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. 8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.” It’s important that we understand the nature of sin, and own up to it when we do.Oops3If you’re Batman, and you accidently crash your dune buggy into someone’s house, do you say oops? As a person, as a human being, we are broken into categories. We are both good and evil. Everyone has the potential for both, and every day we have the potential to make both good and bad choices. Every day we see the choices in our lives, along our path that gives us the opportunity to decide who we are. When we make a bad decision we have the choice to continue along that path or alter it for a new one.Ooops1

I think one thing above all else that’s important is your personal conscience. When we do bad things, does our conscience make us feel guilty, remorseful, or do we feel nothing for the pain and suffering we’ve caused? When we do awful things there’s only so much we can say to offer up an apology. Eventually that phrase, ‘I’m sorry’ only does so much. For me, the most important part is the action that defines us, that our heart may be deceived by the world, and the struggles to follow the right thing can only be found in the Word. It is in 2 Corinthians 1:12 that we find how to follow the right path. “For our proud confidence is this: the testimony of our conscience, that in holiness and godly sincerity, not in fleshly wisdom but in the grace of God, we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially toward you.” Knowing we have listened to God’s word and we have followed in Christ the best we can, maybe that’s how we know the difference between good and evil, right and wrong. When we no longer see the world as these things but it just is. The world owes us nothing, people in the world make good and bad decisions and how we choose to reciprocate, or choose to treat others, thats when we are put to the ultimate test. Being judged by God for what we do, how we do it, and hopefully our trust and faith in God, having the Holy Spirit within us, allowing it to guide us, that’s when we know our conscience will tell us the difference between right and wrong.

When we feel badly for wronging others, or we feel guilty for letting those around us down because of something we’ve done, that’s when we are being convicted by the grace of God to do right, to do good things. Bad things happen in the course of a life, we are responsible for some, not responsible for others. When we believe in the Lord, when we believe in the Holy Spirit we should have empathy for those who are hurting, suffering, and we should feel no desire to do harm to others. We would feel awful for causing pain and we should try everything we can to avoid doing such pain to anyone. Remember that when we do wrong, to make action to repent for a mistake. Right your wrongs, make good on your word, and let your word be your bond.

Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Our words are so very important in our lives. The words we utter should only edify. The words we share with others should be a reflection of our heart. The words we say show what’s inside us, and our word should mean and stand for something. Matthew 5:37 “37 But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.” Don’t let Satan stain your heart in the ways of the wicked. Don’t allow yourself to be fooled and deceived by the deceiver. Lift up your heart to the Lord above, and when you wrong, right it, when you hurt, provide healing. In every wake of your wrongdoings provide adequate to ample repentance for the wicked you cause. Stand tall and firm against injustice, especially when you may have been the one to cause it.

 

 

Throat Punch A Shark

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Throat Punch A Shark

Swimming in the ocean is a risky business. We’ve all seen some kind of shark movie, we’ve all seen the news and heard about the occasional shark attack. The great white shark is the greatest of predators of the oceans and perhaps the greatest in the entire world. Every single creature to include mankind is afraid of the great white. Although there are fewer attacks on humans by Great Whites than the Bull Shark, it’s undeniable that the Great White is not a force to be reckoned with. If we are to make a comparison the Devil, the serpent that slithered around the world to and fro, the lion searching for souls to devour the greatest hunter of all eternity, is more like a Shark that rises from the depths of darkness and attacks unsuspecting victims. The shark that attacks anything that appears to be pray is indiscriminant.

The Devil’s attacks come from the darkness of the world. The deep trenches of our souls that are littered with greed, lies, lust, selfish ambition, and even the more heinous of sins, murder, rape, abuse, all can be attributed to the evil that is brought out by the Devil. Power, the word itself gives birth to a platitude of mental pictures ranging from good, to pure evil in content. The Devil craves the power and thus takes the lives of anyone He can, of anyone that will fall pray to the attacks from the darkness. The shadow that falls over the land and allows a man to cheat on his wife, allows the man to murder his neighbor, allows a young girl to steal and lie to her parents, the drug dealer giving poison to kids, the sicko who kidnaps and tortures kids for years on end. All of this is the darkness that covers the whole of the earth, and if we aren’t careful it attacks us like a great white attacking a seal from the deep.

How do we defend against the shark of the deep? When we are floundering around the great big blue of the oceans of life, we can be easy pray for the Devil to try and devour us. The ocean can be a lonely place when you’re floating around unaccompanied, but even more when the sun goes down, and the blackness of the night, and abyss of the water turn terrifying. Picture yourself in a life raft, bouncing around on the waves and the small raft is bumped in the middle of the night. You can’t see the aggressor, but you are jolted from one side to another with each bump. The psychological warfare that ensues, every bump, every small splash in the water, what do you do when the psychological becomes physical? What do you do when the shark no longer taunts you, but instead starts to bite at the raft? What do you do when the shark starts to rip apart your only way to stay afloat and you’re in the water! The shark bumps you, rubs your leg, sizes you up, and you know and feel the attack is coming.

1 Peter 5:8-9 “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.” Even when we feel like we are the only one who is going through pain and suffering, when we feel like we are the ones in the vast ocean alone with no one around, we must realize that, that feeling is simply an illusion. When the shark tries to attack from below simply draw back your spiritual fist and punch that Devil Shark right in the throat. Throat punch that shark and watch it scurry away like a scared hyena being attacked by Mufasa. The Devil thrives in the darkness, so when we proclaim the name of Jesus, the light of the world, the Devil cannot remain. The Devil will try again and again to break you, to destroy you, to turn you into a weak little bunny. If we learned anything from the movie Zootopia, we know that even an unexpected little bunny can have more fight then that of a roaring lion. The key to fighting the Devil is never loosing sight of the real enemy. Never loosing sight of the fact that the Devil will try every which way to get in, every way to hurt you, to break your spirits. If you stand firm and you learn how to fight back, the Devil can’t beat you. Obviously if a real shark were attacking you, you don’t punch it in the throat, you actually punch it in the eyes, but who doesn’t like the idea of punching a shark in the throat. The best way to fight a spiritual war is to understand the enemy and understand the weapons at your disposal. Scripture is the best way for all of us to understand how to live our Godly walk, and how to fight the attacks from the deep.

No matter the attacks that come, keep fighting the fight, keep swimming along, and never loose sight of the bigger picture. Don’t let that shark sneak up on you and when it does, give it a nice tiger claw punch to the throat.

Throat punched

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Throat punched
So as I sit here with my neck in a brace, when I talk not only do I sound it, I feel like I’ve been throat punched. Yes that’s what happens when you have surgery. But let me tell you. I couldn’t be more lucky. Gods grace and perfect timing all the time. 
There were complications in surgery. My disc ruptured and fluid went into my spinal column. They cleaned it up but I needed to be closely watched. There may have been some hematoma around my incision. 
Thankfully the rupture was found and didn’t do permanent damage. In all the CT’s, the risky MRI (because of shrapnel in my lung) not one of these scans showed the disk had ruptured. As I’m not a doctor I cannot obviously speak clearly of the dangers of that fluid where it doesn’t belong. But I do know it’s BAD! 
Because Gods perfect in His timing and love everything went well even with the complications. Even the new raspier voice I have just plays into effect when I wear the mask. All things considered I’m pretty darn happy. 
Yesterday I couldn’t squeeze my ball and now I can squeeze it with all my might and it’s beautiful. I can walk with my head held high and arms swinging. Gods touched my body through the hands of my surgeons and have given me my life back. I may have some troubles the rest of my life but for now, it seems all of that is within acceptable limits. 
Believe in the power of prayer and love. From the prayer shawl I received from my church, the love of my Associate Pastor, my mom, and everyone near and far that prayed for me before during and after my surgery. All this prayer I have felt the reward. I know I live on to fight the Devil for another day. 
For you all wary souls like my one was, take heart knowing the Lord of all the wonders of this world is with you, right there suffering your sufferings. Believe and know the faithful, the just, the kind, will be rewarded. We may not always say or do the right things to one another but we must know it and apologize for it. Own up to our mistakes and ask for the forgiveness we should. 
Stay connected to God and be blessed by his touch. God bless all of you! 

Love Unconditional

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Love Unconditional

I’ve been putting a lot of thought into the word love. What does it mean to love something? When we think of love we think of our parents, siblings, closest friends, but we also think of our favorite show, our favorite food, our favorite pass time activity. The truth is in our society today the word just gets tossed around flippantly. The truth is, I think love is something that when we loose the object of our affection it breaks us apart inside. When we are dating in school we often throw the word around love and sure I don’t want to downplay those emotions, but the proof is in the pudding, often times that’s just puppy love and something we get over pretty quick once it’s gone. True love however is something a little more difficult to come by. The Bible has a pretty air tight description of love, and when we look at our lives, and we compare it to this, the comparisons are often going to leave you realizing, maybe it’s not love after all. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 “4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.” Now I know what you’re thinking, yes I am talking about love, and yes so is 1 Corinthians. “Charity is the epitome of perfection in the Christian life. It is the “greatest” of the three abiding virtues” (http://www.learnthebible.org/charity-or-love.html) If we look at the definition of love, and compare it to what we say to others, are we actually in line with scripture, or just a word we use because we don’t know anything better to say?

Lets make it easier to understand a little. When you look at 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 “4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[a] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” How often in our own lives do we drudge up mistakes our partner made 2 years ago? How often do we hold a grudge, and for how long? How often do we love but only so long as we are worldly happy? There is so much in our lives today that draw us away from love. So much today that we don’t understand, but if we go to Scripture, if we study, we can finally unravel the strongest of lies, and the strongest of truths. John 15:13 “13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Jesus, Jesus laid down His perfect life as a perfect blemish less, sinless man that chose to be tortured, ridiculed, and murdered for us, for every single last one of us that in no way by our daily actions deserve such grace and mercy. The truth is, that’s LOVE. When we think about that kind of love, makes what we say about love look silly. How often do we see now in our world today divorce is a cancer on our society, and it runs unchecked destroying homes left and right. We see marriage as expendable, as an option that so long it benefits me, so long as I am getting something out of it, I’ll stay married. THE QUESTION I ASK TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU, WHAT ARE YOU GIVING IN YOUR MARRIAGE? If we look a little deeper we see what the definition of love is, we see what is says in John, but what about husbands and wives? Ephesians 5:25 “25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,” Yes that means you are supposed to love your wives so much that you sacrifice unconditionally to her. You sacrifice yourself to give her everything she needs. Note I said need, not want. The difference between need and want is an entirely separate blog.

Husbands, need to sacrifice worldly things, worldly desires, worldly distractions for his wife. Ephesians 5:22-24 “22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Many people look at this section of scripture and scoff, and I really question why that is. I get the feminist movement, and women can do anything a man can do and all that stuff, and that’s great, but the truth is, women and men aren’t the same. We are wired differently in the brains, we have different strengths and weaknesses, and this isn’t talking about slavery this is talking about letting go of ones worldly self. Letting go of the fleshy desires, and allowing yourself to be completely taken in by your husband. As the husband loves the wife as he died for us, so shall the husband die for his wife. Think about this, when we get married, we often think of it as the old ball in chain, the tying of the knot, the end or death of an era. Well, in some parts yes, that’s exactly what it is. But if we look at death as a bad thing, a negative thing, sure we will be going into that marriage under negative premise and then that’s where the problems start to set in. Death is a glorious thing, a wonderful thing, because as a Christian we believe that death of us is the gateway to an eternal life of perfection and love. If we are to truly love our wives, love our husbands we must allow the old part of us to die off. Think of love and marriage like a butterfly. The caterpillar is you before you get married. The marriage is the cocoon. When you emerge married that fuzzy old caterpillar is gone, fundamentally changed into a beautiful creature no longer bound to crawl around, but to soar, to fly, to be a wonder of nature.

How wonderful it would be if we actually saw marriage that way. How wonderful it would be if we as a people were able to see ourselves and combining our selves into one body and actually selflessly giving up our selves and wanting only to please our partner. To those who are struggling in your marriages, I offer this, in all things God can heal, and with work, and saying it a hundred times, a thousand times, I forgive you, forgive the wrongs your partner has done. Remember the way you felt the day you got married and realize if both of you, if both the Husband and the Wife learn to forgive, learn to accept, learn to change because marriage is a fundamental change. You are no longer you, you become y’all. When we loose sight of the togetherness, the us in the marriage and we start to focus on the me, start to focus on the what does Arrow Preacher want, we loose sight of the (what) can I do for my spouse? What can I do to bring happiness to my beloved today? Human greed is one of the strongest sins to pull us back into the world, but two are stronger then one. Pouring of sand of two different colors into a jar that sand can never be completely separated. There’s reason sand if often used in marriage ceremonies. It’s a constant visual reminder that once together, you shall never break apart, bonded into one entity, one jar, and as rope is stronger when woven together, so shall you be stronger when you come to realize the true definition of love, the true understanding of what Scripture is talking about, and let go of your worldly sins, those desires that draw you away from your spouse. The Devil wants to break up marriage because he’s been doing it since the beginning. Marriage was the plan, for man to not be alone, and he knows that separated the divide and concur makes for an easier target. Don’t take the bait. Don’t allow Satan to ruin your union. Fight back, and fight for each other.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lian Yu (Purgatory)

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Lian Yu (Purgatory)

Before Christ we were trapped by sins in an eternal death. The Roman Catholics believe Purgatory is a state in between death and heaven where you expiating sin prior to entering the gates of heaven. This is the atoning for sin meaning to pay for or redeem. While the idea of there being a purgatory is highly controversial we won’t be getting into that debate. I am by no means trained well enough to go down that rabbit hole and open that can of worms. Instead, the purgatory we will discuss is the one inside our own minds, and the situations we find ourselves in. If purgatory is a form of prison it can be postulated that your own mind can be a prison. We know this because we have thoughts we often don’t want to, we remember things that bring feelings of pain of hurt. We often find ourselves in situations that bare similarities to those that we’ve been through before, almost as if history itself is being repeated. For some, being trapped in the past is the worst kind of Hades we can have. For others they get themselves into situations that are trouble over and over again. While I don’t believe this is a form of punishment while on this earthly plane of existence, I do believe that if we are repeating the same mistakes and we aren’t learning from them, then perhaps God is trying to get us to pass the test to move on. Other times we go through the same thing over and over because of our own choices, even if they are destructive.

I myself have experienced purgatory. When I returned from Iraq I found myself constantly expecting the next IED to go off, constantly scanned every place I went for insurgents trying to blend in. Every shadow there was the enemy lurking just waiting to attack. Then the thoughts came back of the war. All things considered I’d say my platoon and I were lucky. Yes we took casualties, but as many times as we were attacked the damage was superficial and rarely caused any injury. Even though that was the case, the attacks and the feelings that were left behind, where in fact imprinted and left behind for later reflection. Over time it felt as if those memories would show up and torture me at random. It felt as if I were a prisoner to them, my own personal purgatory.

In the last few years I’ve known several people who’ve gotten themselves into ruts of destructive behavior. They would claw themselves out only to get to the top of the mud hill and as soon as they got out, stand up, stretch, turn and swan dive back into the thick of it. One would guess they loved being in that destructive cycle. The truth is it’s harder then people think to break free. Once we are mentally trained for something it’s very difficult to break that cycle. There are a lot of factors that can play into it, where you live, your friends, the music you choose to listen too, even some shows you may watch. (Disclaimer: No I’m not blaming movies, or music, or video games for bad behavior. However there is enough evidence that some, i.e. a small percentage of the population are susceptible to suggestion from these outlets.) The truth is our hearts can and will be influenced by the things we surround ourselves with. Eventually it’s like ingesting small amounts of lead over time. It may not kill us right away, but eventually we will end up with lead poisoning. It’s best to avoid that stuff when we can. Find positive and influential things to fill your life with, either, friends, movies, churches, music, whatever it may be, as long as it’s going to lift up, rather then manipulate behavior in a negative way. 1 Peter 4:15-16 “15 But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men’s matters. 16 Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.”

So all that being said, how do we avoid entering into purgatory? Well, in a religious sense don’t be habitual sinners. If you are mean and cruel to people and bad things happen to you, chances are you brought that upon yourself. By changing our focus and changing our hearts and minds, giving up and sacrificing our worldly self to Christ, we can then move forward cleansed and free of old sins. Our daily walk should prevent us from entering into man made, self-made perpetual prisons. A purgatory for your mind is harder to achieve. Sometimes we have no control over the trauma’s we endure. I have always been a firm believe of a two pronged approach therapy. The first is for your mind, to actually work on the event that caused the issue. The second is for your heart, and that’s a spiritual journey by someone in the clergy. We can’t have one without the other because we must take care of both the heart and the mind. Both will influence the other, and both have to be in a healthy place and a healthy balance. Don’t allow yourself to be held prisoners by the horrors we may face. Find your spiritual footing and allow those people in ministry to help you. Do not create your own purgatory, instead allow yourself to freely walk away leaving everything behind that held you in chains. Repent for your sins and within that repentance remember it’s not just saying you’re sorry, it’s making an action to make up for the mistake. Mark 5:4 “because he had often been bound with shackles and chains, and the chains had been torn apart by him and the shackles broken in pieces, and no one was strong enough to subdue him.” Jesus freed us from the bonds of sin, and the eternal damnation that followed for it. It takes strength and dedication to overcome the chains of the world, the lustful desires that bind us to our prisons. Fight the sin urges, flee from sinful drama, and seek Godly counsel when in need. Always has if what you are doing glorifies God, and if you don’t think it will, or wouldn’t talk to your pastors or priest about what you are thinking of doing, it’s probably not a good idea to do it.

We can’t always help what happens to us, we can’t always help the scars it leaves behind, but how we choose to handle each of those situations, where we choose to get help for them will be the defining factor as to our eternal future. If life gets hard and you choose to turn to the bottle chances are that bottle will become your purgatory. If you choose to turn to the counsel of God, you’ll undoubtedly have better luck. Don’t create your own prisons, and don’t go searching for purgatory.

Making A Plan

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Making A Plan

All my life I had a plan, I knew how the plan was going to go, I knew how my life was going to unfold, and I knew how to execute the plan. Well, a day before I graduated high school the plan fell apart. ‘The defense department regrets to inform you that you have be found ineligible for the selection into the United States Marine Corps. “ Well, there went my plan. I was so certain I would make it into the Armed Services I barely spent any time on my college testing, and I had only applied to two universities. Both of which I was accepted to, though, I hadn’t planned for how I was going to pay for college. So my plan flew off the rails before it even got going. After a year of moving around a bit, I got a job but wasn’t satisfied with life. I was terrified of college and failing so I ran away from that as fast as I could. It was just by pure coincidence (if there is such a thing) that I ran into an Air Force recruiter in the store. I had talked to him about my denial letter and re suggested I reapply. A few months later I moved back home to live with my Grandfather, and I talked to my local recruiter. Everything was looking good, the process was going along smoothly, and away to MEPS I went. Something was wrong though. I didn’t feel the choices in the Air Force fit my personality and my drive. When I got back from MEPS my recruiter wasn’t there at the recruiting station. I was really upset by that, and I stormed into the Army recruiting office and started talking to them. Within 10 minutes I was headed home with a list of Army jobs, and a slew of information. I had at least 13 jobs circled for further review within the 15-minute drive home. This looked promising I said to myself. I went to MEPS again for the final time before I would ship out, the rest of my testing was done; the job selection process came up. Cavalry Scout was the dream job. There was only 1 slot open so we had to write an essay between two of us candidates. Mine was chosen and I advanced to get a ship date, 6-month wait.

For the next 6 months I would train, and I would enjoy the time I had left with close friends. I would be headed to Fort Knox for one station unit training, and while I was there I would get my duty station. I had signed up for a 1-year hardship in Korea. I figured, if I was going to go to war at least I could have some training in the Army first. During basic I was doing well, I was getting faster, stronger, and testing well. I was moving along to graduate then all of a sudden I ended up with MERSA and I was hospitalized for 4 days. I missed out on vital training, so instead of graduating with my class, I would be recycled through to the next class to graduate. This hit me like a ton of bricks. The plan wasn’t cooperating. I would graduate 6 weeks later then planned. I went to Korea and placed in my unit up at Camp Casey. 1 year in Korea wasn’t going to be so bad. I had a plan, and if I liked it I might even stay one more year after that. Except the plan wasn’t going to cooperate again. We as a unit were being removed from Korea, sent to Iraq and our new home location would be determined while we were in theater. I choose Korea because hardship duty stations didn’t deploy to other combat zones, or they hadn’t in almost 50 years. All that time and effort I spent getting away from the war for a little while just vanished in front of me.

While in country I would get hurt (non combat related) I would loose friends (combat related) and I would endure hardships. I would get home and try my best to keep making plans. Relationships wouldn’t go to plan, I would end up having surgery on my knee, I would get married, then get out of the military ahead of schedule. I moved, and then moved to Europe as a civilian military spouse. I would loose that marriage to an affair. I met a wonderful woman, eventually would marry her and then in time watch as my life was torn apart by yet another grisly affair.

So, that’s pretty much the last 15 years. I look back and I snicker at how well my best laid plans would work. I heard a quote just a couple weeks ago “Make the plan, Execute the plan, Expect the plan to go off the rails, Throw away the plan.” (The Flash) That statement couldn’t be truer. What does God think of our plans? Well, funny you should ask, Proverbs 15:22 “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” As we all know, even as much as we may want something, that doesn’t mean that’s what God has planned for us. Amos 3:7 “For the Lord God does nothing without revealing his secret to his servants the prophets.” Since we haven’t seen any prophets in a long time, it’s safe to say we often fly blind. Another saying to laugh about is “Tell God your plans and watch Him laugh.”

Living by following the cross, and doing our very best to listen to what God has planned for us is the closest we have to knowing plans will even partially work. When God closes a door we have a hard time understanding why, we have a hard time accepting no as an answer. For some it’s not a no, it’s just a not yet, but for others, their fate is down a different rabbit hole. We all know that the best-laid plan is to follow Christ. Read the scripture and the lessons left for us to follow and you can’t go wrong. Not all our plans are meant to work, some are because of our own doing, and some will fail because of others. The path your on doesn’t actually end, it just splits. It’s up to all of us to choose the path we feel lines closest to what God wants for us. James 4:13-17 “Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.”

I’ll leave you with this story as a close. August 2012, just three months before I was scheduled to be married I was out with my girlfriend and her father. She had just got a new Smith & Wesson Bodyguard semi automatic pistol. It’s a little .380 about the size of my hand. We’d been out shooting for a little while and I opted to shoot last. I was testing out the built in laser and I went to a knee to see how accurate it was. I held the gun steady and I squeezed the trigger. It jumped like no tomorrow as I felt a huge wave of air on my face. It felt like a book had been waved in front of my face, then hit me. I went to stand up, but I couldn’t see completely. My face was red hot, and I could feel the warm hot liquid poor from my face. I could feel it on my hand when I touched my face, and it was at that moment I realized I was in need of help. I turned around and dropped to a knee. We would later find the bullet casing had exploded in the chamber. It buckled the guns plastic, and peppered my eye protection with bits of shrapnel. Sadly my glasses didn’t protect my entire face and my cheek, nose, and forehead weren’t so lucky. My vision was saved due to the glasses, but to this day a piece of shrapnel still remains in my right cheek as the surgeon was unable to remove the tiny fragment in fear of doing more harm then good. Every day we went shooting we always planned and executed safety as best we could. On this particular day it happened to be, I was doing what I was supposed to, I wore what I was supposed to, but I was still injured. Thankfully the shrapnel wasn’t lower and it didn’t go through the artery in my neck. Even the best laid, most carefully thought out plans can quickly go to all Hades. Just remember that sometimes, when our plans go off the rails THAT may be part of the bigger plan after all.

Lift up Don’t Tear Down

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Lift up Don’t Tear Down

Brothers and sisters in Christ we have a commandment we often fall short on. John 13:34-35“34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 35 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” I have been listening to a song lately I know was not meant to be a Christian song, but I hear it as such. God Gave Me You, the version I have is Dave Barnes. “God Gave me you for the ups and downs.” When I think of who that is I think of Christ. I know that Christ above all else is there for me no matter what situation I’m in, where I am, or how far off the path I’ve gotten. Something I’ve struggled with as of late is how individuals have been treating me. I have had several friends turn their backs on me, and walk away for one reason or another. I have put a lot of thought and self-reflection as to why that might be. I often think back to Job. As Job looses everything one by one he asks his good buddies to come over to his house. We all want to be around people to just lean on when things are tough. We expect our friends to help us bare our crosses, help us get through. When you’re single you expect your friends to get you out of the house. When you’re grieving for the loss of loved ones you expect your friends to be there as a shoulder to cry on. We expect people to be there for us not just because we feel it’s the right thing to do, but it’s actually what they are supposed to do. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.” Why is this so difficult for some to do?

I know a doctor trained in Dialectible Behavior Therapy, and I asked why as a people do we focus so much on the negative rather then the positive. The answer was fairly straight forward, she said, our brains have a natural response to negative because that’s what keeps us alive. The negative actions stand out because it goes against the grain. Driving along going home you pass by a dozen cars doing the right thing, but then a car cuts you off. You won’t remember the 12 cars doing the right thing, that 1 car however will be what stands out. The more I thought about what she said the more it made sense.

I have been using Facebook lately to spread the word of this blog. I post once or twice a day, and as I have felt my blog has been doing well, I’ve noticed amongst my Facebook friends it’s not really picked up. I went about 2 months without posting anything except the auto post of my blog. I had a rough day and I posted something about manners, how some people will just leave you high and dry and how rude I felt that was. My page exploded with angry posts about how people are busy, and I shouldn’t be shaming my friends, and how I should keep those types of posts to myself. I was in shock to see such feedback. I post some beautiful pieces of writing, highly uplifting, and scripturally based, and I don’t get more then maybe 1 thumb up 4-5 if I’m truly lucky. Of all things to get noticed this one factual and understandable frustration gets all the attention. I thought to myself, what about everything else I’ve done? The fact is that it matters to the people who read it, and those who don’t see only what they want to see.

Love is harder then hate. Thinking positive is harder then negative, and those who do think positive have to work harder. If it’s true that our brains are naturally wired to focus on the negative things for whatever reason, being negative is the easy way out. Learning to focus on God, and do Gods will is a difficult road. As many of my so called friends have abandoned ship, I find it interesting that they do so when I fully devote my life to Jesus. It seems my life is going through a process of cleansing, weeding out those who are of little use to my ministry. The ones left in my life will be the ones who’ve helped me bare my cross when it was too heavy to carry. We must learn to walk with patience and love for our brothers and sisters who’ve yet to realize the true power of the Holy Spirit. The Cross is heavy for us all to bare and for some the cross can be so heavy we collapse under the weight of it. We have to have more patience with our loved ones, and understand that how we treat someone when they are going through a hard time is going to be remembered. How do you want to be treated with your life is in shambles? Make the choice to lift up your neighbors and help them in their time of need. No they may not take your advice, but if you just offer an ear, just be there to let them know you care, that itself will go a long way. We aren’t always there to fix their problems, often just to be a listening post, and a shoulder. Be kind because it only takes a moment without hope to watch the candle be extinguished. Remind people by your actions that good people still exist. Remind them that love is still stronger then hate. And if you ever have a problem you just can’t carry, lean on me.