high stakes – The Arrow Preacher

I SIT ALONE

I sit alone, so alone, the pain inside aches and pains that make taking a breath sometimes the most difficult thing I do. I never know what my tomorrow brings because everything I had and everything I knew was pulled away, ripped from me in the most violent way. No pain so emotional has ever hurt so bad, has ever crippled me, but this pain brought me to my knees.

Why I cried out, why me, why again? The past has a hold of me and I just can’t quite let it go. Is it the thought of loosing the woman I loved, or is it being alone? Is it that it didn’t happen once but twice? I don’t truly know what the answer is for myself.

I have done everything I can with what I’ve have at my disposal. The experts say there are a few things that have to happen to allow healing to happen naturally, and in a healthy way. Since then, I haven’t yet found my footing on my path to a new me. A new me, I don’t even know what that truly means. As I’ve struggled to look within to find the man I want to be I haven’t been able to figure that out because I don’t know who I am anymore. The last year of my life has put into question every notion I had about the world and my place in it. I haven’t been able to make headway in moving forward with my life and perhaps that’s the reason I feel like I’m moving in slow motion, I feel like I’m not just moving in slow mo, but I in quicksand. The realistic point of view is things just haven’t worked out yet. The man I am to become is still a work in progress.

While I truly don’t know what my future holds, or what I’m supposed to do, or the life I’m to live, I have to believe that God has a plan for me. A plan to succeed not to fail, not to fall. When someone you love hurts you in that way it can make you question everything about yourself. The darkness can be overwhelming but at some point you must learn to let it go. We must let ourselves heal, and to do that we must tell ourselves we are worth more then our failures. We are worth more then the sum of those who have hurt and abandoned us. We are worth more then the way we have been treated. We can be treated like garbage and thrown away like a beat up used toy. While divorce can cause a whole hurricane of negative feelings, all sorts of traumas happen to people that can cause all sorts of problems. And while I’ve spent a lifetime fighting the fight, I know that sometimes we just need to rest.

We can’t be angry all the time. At some point we have to let go of what fuels our fire and allow the healing to begin. No matter the time that goes by, the ability to start healing, to start letting go is always a possibility. While the pain, the loneliness, the hopelessness, the guilt and fear rage on in our heads like a CD stuck on repeat, we must somehow learn to break the cycle. We all need someone to help us bare that cross when it’s too heavy. We all need someone in our lives to help us along the way.

While I sit alone I wonder where I go from here. While I sit alone I question my place in this world. While I sit alone I miss so much in life. While I sit alone I miss the comforts of companionship. It’s almost like a drug, you have it for so long and it’s gone all of a sudden, gone in the blink of an eye. How could someone you care for, care for you, and betray you like the years prior didn’t matter at all. The truth is, the answers as much as I’ve wanted them done matter. The why isn’t going to change the past, and no matter how hard we may want to, the inevitable realization, life still continues. While I may be alone in my walk without someone, I know that God, my God is with me always. While I can only see a small baby step ahead of me, the future is still left wide open. God will help guide me on my way, and one can only hope that when the time is right, I won’t be alone anymore. That I may be gifted with the family I’ve tried so hard for, only to have them ripped away from me. I’ve never in my life been more disappointed by my loved ones, and as this lesson has been a difficult one to learn, I have learned that even those in our lives we look up too, even then, they can turn out to be someone completely different, someone we don’t recognize. While people come and go out of our life for better or worse we must learn that as there’s a season for everything and we must learn to accept that. If someone value’s you, you will be a priority to them, and if you have someone important to you, you can’t take that for granted. I’ve been close to death a few times and if I’ve learned anything in all that time it’s life is short, and we must value the gift of time we have, and cherish the people you love. We never know when that time may run out.

Why Gamble with Eternity?

Atheists, Agnostics, and those sitting on the fence are often the ones I fear for most. Many have asked me why I believe in God. The answer is both simple and complicated at the same time. For me the belief in God has gone back to my early childhood. God has given me comfort, guidance, hope, and love through the most difficult of my hardships. Given the possible alternatives following Christ, having faith seems to be the bet. There is plenty of scripture describing hell. The time between the book of Psalms and the New Testament is 586 BC to 50 AD. From the time of the New and Old Testament the conversation of Hell and Salvation never faltered. “Revelation 21:8 “But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.” Then again in Matthew 25:46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.” All the way back David talked about the eternity of God, 600 years before Christ stepped foot on the planet. Psalm 9:17 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.” You’re talking truth in the writing that wasn’t accessible from Google. Truth was known in a time when Angels would talk to us, intervened in our lives. Today we don’t hear about Angels talking to us, but if we look closely, if we pay attention we can see the miracles when they happen. My life for instance is a miracle. I should have died but didn’t. My life was saved, and spared, and today I have this Blog, teaching and preaching about the Glory and Mercy that was given to me.

What are the stakes? Our lives, our souls are a high stakes poker game. Jesus Christ is our Royal Flush. If we follow him we win every time. John 14:6 “Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” It seems like such a simple truth. It seems so easy doesn’t it? Follow Christ and that’s it, you’ve won the golden ticket. But wait, there’s more, then you have Matthew 27:21-23 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.”

I bet that’s confusing huh? What Jesus is saying is God knows your heart. It doesn’t matter how much scripture is in your mind, it doesn’t matter how much you give to charity. What matters is what’s in your heart, truly knowing your salvation is in Christ.

Why then is this a high stakes poker game? What if you don’t believe, what if you question the existence of God because of a lack of proof, or a lack of faith? You could loose eternal life. If you are going to live as a good person, believe in a moral compass, then why not use the Bible as that source of strength and courage? All you have to loose is eternal life for eternal damnation. We must ask ourselves if we don’t know what our afterlife holds, then why not put our faith in the one true God. Even if this is a bunch of hoowey, so you live your life to an honorable code. In this world we worship idols, we worship money, relationships, careers, we put all of our faith in worldly things that will eventually get old, decay, fall apart, break, and it’s a deception. It’s not just enough to know Christ exists, it’s about serving, its about true faith. Even Satin knows God, knows scripture, but has nothing but contempt for his father. The Devil wants us to walk a sinful path, he wants us to loose everything by forcing us to fold.

The blind man see’s, the deaf man hears, the lame man talks, the crippled shall walk, the dead shall rise, all in the name of Jesus. The day the Lord spoke to me, a great weight was lifted from my chest. In this high stakes poker game I will beat the house every time because my deck is stacked. I have a Royal Flush every time. God has given me the tools, the knowledge, and has shown me a better way. I have faith and that faith lets me fly on eagle’s wings. There’s freedom in our scars, there’s freedom in our pain. Never forget to stand toe to toe with the Devil at the table he’s betting it all on your cards being cold. The Devil’s bluff is just another lie. Heaven is perfection for all eternity. Earth will fade away, but Heaven will remain. Maybe God is an interdimensional being, maybe heaven is an alternate universe, the question you need to ask yourself is does that matter? Just because it’s beyond our understanding doesn’t mean it isn’t truth. So pick up your poker chips, throw all in, and lay down that Royal Flush because Christ is the only Royalty we will ever need.