Tag: Hardships

But Did You Die

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But Did You Die

A lot of people avoid church on the premise of ‘if they knew what I’ve done they wouldn’t let me in’. I’ve heard all kinds of excuses as to why people don’t go to church. Too busy, my only day off, no ride, to I need to get right before I go. None of which are valid excuses. Church is an hour out of the day. And you don’t get well before seeing the doctor. You go to church to get well. You go to church to have your spirit fed with the Holy Spirit. But then, there’s the flip side of the coin, and this part, this part will raise some eye brows. People who use the excuse of what they’ve been through, the struggles or the hardships, and hold on to them. How do I know? I was one of those people.

I’ve been through so much in my life, and I held onto those things with a death grip. I’m not saying letting go is easy, and I’m not saying those things don’t deserve attention. What I am saying is no matter how bad it was, “But did you die?” Since the answer to that is no, whatever it’s was is in the past. As Rafiki said “The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.” Simba experiences something awful in his life. He ran from it, and all his responsibilities. I’m dealing with our own traumas, are we running from our pain or are we embracing it, letting it fuel us, and moving forward with the important life lessons? Life can hurt, but running from those emotions can hurt even more. We as humans hold onto the past. We hold on to the regrets, the hurt, the doubts, and failures. During a movie called ‘The Hangover’ chow essentially is telling the group of guys, no matter how bad it was even one of them being shot ‘but did you die?’ No matter how bad we think life is, we still have breath, and as God has shown time and time again, He WILL see you through it. You can’t run from your emotions. You can’t ignore them. I made that mistake during a large part of my life, and the consequences of running where dire. During the post https://thearrowpreacher.wordpress.com/2018/04/29/run-barry-run/ I quoted Leonard Snart “You can’t outrun grief” and “If you don’t confront your feelings, your feelings will confront you.”(Leonard Snart).

We want to live a life free of pain and suffering but that’s not realistic. Those things will come, and since we know they will, we can prepare for them, and when they do, instead of holding on to them, confront them, and then take only what you need, and leave the rest at the foot of the cross. I’m by no means saying this is easy, and from my own personal experience, I know this can be difficult. What I also know from first hand experience is, holding onto those things of the past can spread like a cancer. So, once again, to those who use the past as a shield, “but did you die?” We live and living means another day to fight the good fight. We think we have struggles and we do, but scripture is full of those who struggled before us. Job, Isaiah, Daniel, David, Paul, and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who was tortured and hung on a cross as an innocent man. Our worst days, may equal that if Paul, or Daniel, (albeit I don’t think anyone’s been thrown into a lions den), or Job, but scripture is always clear, when we walk in Christ he will replace what we loose and even better than what was lost. (Even if that means eternal life in Heaven). This life is fleeting. We come from dust, and we shall return to dust. Our spirit will ascend to Heaven when we accept Christ. Gods grace is sufficient.

Let God be your guide and your healer. Push forward beyond the hardships and don’t let those things keep you from achieving the plan God has for you. As Gimley says “there’s one dwarf yet in Moria that still draws breath” (LOTR). Are we full of that kind of spirit for life? Are we full of that kind of strength with Christ with us to face the next day no matter what comes? We should be, because unless we die, we still draw strength from the Spirit of Christ, and Death is just the beginning. Don’t let the past spread in your life like a cancer. Let it go, and let God rule, not the past.

The Hardships of Christmas

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The Hardships of Christmas

For many of us Christmas brings joy, and hope, and lov, and happiness, presents, and food, friends and family. As much as we know that Christ is the CHRIST in Christmas, for some Christmas is a painful reminder of what they no longer have. Many people are forced to face the cold truth that their loved ones, their family, their friends are no longer with them, it is because of that, that we visit the hardships of CHRISTMAS?”

I know for myself, Christmas often brings time of hardships of memories of those no longer in my life. I find myself missing them, and longing for their presence. People all over this world suffer through the holidays trying to deal with and manage the depression that often comes around the holidays, also known as the Holiday Blues. And lest not forget those who cannot afford to give their children much of a Christmas. The families that are struggling to make ends-meat. 

While many people will gather with friends and family over the next few weeks, but I would ask that we all take a moment and say prayers for those less fortunate this holiday. Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.” Christmas is a time of wonder and joy. We must all remember that the society in which we live has commercialized this sacred holiday. Society now tells us that it’s about the shopping, the gifts, the decorations, the parties, and food, but in all reality, those things are just extra. 

It’s been 9 years since my grandfather’s death. He was the father in my life. He was my biggest supporter and his absence is noticed. If one loss wasn’t enough I have lost family in the last few years. For seven years I spent Christmas with my inlaws, or rather ex-inlaws now. Their loss still sends a prick through my heart. I became accustomed to their presence and the customs during the Christmas’s I spent with them. I have noticed their absence in the recent weeks, and it’s been difficult at times. So with the challenges of feeling the loss, the sadness, and depression I would recommend falling back to scripture to find some peace and comfort. 

Matthew 5:4 NKJV “Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.” It is our job to be there to comfort the broken hearted. There is no doubt that Christmas can often bring struggles. If we have the ability to, I feel we should all do more to offer love and support to those who may be alone this time of year. Loneliness is a major killer in our country, yet when we have the opportunity we often let down those who need us the most. It takes very little to show an act of kindness to those in need. It takes very little to show love to those who are alone this time of year, and all year. 

Romans 8:18 NKJV “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” The suffering today as Paul says, is nothing compared to what awaits us in glory. There is so much to be thankful for. The grace of our loving God that gave us his Son to show us what it means to love, what it means to be given grace, is beyond anything we could ever expect to find on our own. People are lost and even those who know Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior, can be lost in despair. 

In this life we face despair, we face troubles, and we face hardships. In those days and in the hour of our deepest sorrows, remember what it is Christ said, John 14:27 NKJV “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” Those who are no longer with us are not gone forever, just for a time. The time will come in glory that we will reunite with our loved ones, and all the pain shall pass, all tears shall be wiped away. All things will be made new, and what was once lost, will once again be found. Jesus Christ is the Christ in Christmas. Focus on Jesus, and be thankful for the time we had with those who aren’t with us. Blessing is the day we awake with breath, but fleeting is the life we live, like a wisp of smoke gone in an instant. 1 Corinthians 15:22 NKJV “For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive.” Death is a part of life, and as hard as it is to face the loss and the loneliness around the holidays, we need to remember God’s will is sovereign and God’s love is stronger than our pain. Be kind to those hurting, and remember that not everyone feels joy this time of year. Social media can often hurt those struggling, so reach out and say hello, be kind, and show some love to those around you. 

THANKSGIVING 2019

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THANKSGIVING 2019

It’s not been an easy few years. Looking back starting in September 2016 up till now, I have looked deeply into my life and as I have sincerely figured this has been the hardest three years of my life. From near death to graduating from college in a matter of two weeks, I have followed a path of hardships and self-exploration. One of my biggest thanks is the very church I attend on a regular basis. In the last three years I went from a simple attendee to working security, being on the puppet ministry, volunteering with the youth, teaching, I have come a long way and even with a major loss in October, I know that my church is my tether to my spiritual path. In the last three years, my church has lifted me up, guided me, supported me, and when things got sour, my church had my back. I have been mentored and sustained. 

My best friend has stood by me, and has helped me through some dark days. Having the love and support of an amazing church, a mother who has put up with me and my sarcasm, my occasional frustrations, my lack of a job (even though I do contribute financially) and my crazy animals, I am immensely grateful. While this year hasn’t been the greatest for my body, or my emotional life, it’s not been nearly as bad as the years prior. I am grateful for those in my life that if they read this, know who they are. 

The Devil has been working overtime to bring me down this year. Struggling with depression since October and a chronic pain situation, I have found myself frustrated and stressed. School has been a challenge, perhaps the hardest challenge I’ve had in my 5 years. With school coming to an end, I am grateful to be able to finish successfully. I am thankful for my upcoming mission journey to Honduras. I’m grateful to be able to work in the church working with the youth. Being a free-4-all volunteer has meant a great deal to me. I have found great joy and pleasure working with the youth. I never thought I would enjoy working with them, but as it turns out, God has a funny sense of humor. So that being said, there’s a few things I’d like to express thanks for. 

John 3:16 New King James Version (NKJV)16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” 

Ephesians 6:11-18 11 “Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—” 

John 15:13 New King James Version (NKJV) 13 “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” 

Without Jesus my life would mean nothing. Without my savior I would have no hope. I am appreciative of my Lord and Saviors sacrifice for me. I could not list anything higher in my life, but to be thankful for Jesus. No matter what is going on in my life, or where I find myself, the Hilltop, the Valley, or anywhere in between, Jesus is my rock. Nothing else matters as much, and as I go into this Holiday Season, I do so with great expectations of a blessed season. Not for the coming gifts for they will be few this year, but where I have a lack of physical gifts, I am blessed beyond measure with the spiritual gifts from the Father. I am thankful for everything I have and as to paraphrase Paul, I am content with where I am and with what I have. Jesus loves me and that is the most important thing to be thankful for. 

The Fog Lifts

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The Fog Lifts

The darkness is thick and heavy. The weight presses down upon you like a boulder. What is this darkness you ask, why can’t I see? The fog that sits, and is so heavy is sin. We cannot hope to remove the sin on our own. We cannot lift the boulder that’s placed on our shoulders like Atlas. The sin in our lives will multiply and divide until we are so buried under it we have no chance to move. Thankfully there’s a cure for this great cancer and the cure is Jesus Christ.

There are other kinds of fog that will set on our lives, but usually it all comes back to a situation that was caused by sin, and leaves behind darkness. For me, even though I didn’t cause my spouses affair I was left in the darkness of trauma, fear, self-loathing, and I couldn’t see my way out. During my trauma something happened and a light shined through the darkness and acted as a lighthouse shining a way for me to travel. One might ask, if God was so great why didn’t He just tell me all the answers, or show me all I needed to know? While those are legitimate questions, the truth is very simple, God wants us to grow on our own, and when we grow in Christ the right way, we learn, we experiences, and God wants us to do this on our own with His guidance. So I was left with a light shining the way, and over the last two years I have found a path that shines brightly. There was one area of my life that was still shrouded in darkness, and that was my love life.

As my love life continued to fail, I often prayed to God asking for answers, or at least a path. As I mentioned in yesterdays post, I wasn’t specific with my prayers, and if you were God of the universe you’d probably have a sense of humor also. God thinks answering prayers in a way we don’t expect is funny. When we aren’t specific and He has a plan, often times we look at them and don’t always take them as blessings, but our tiny feeble little minds cannot possibly understand the big picture as God does.

We must trust in the Lord and not be ridged in our own ways because the moment we think we know more then God, is the moment we will be cast down a dark path. Trust in the Lord for as said in Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” I’d like to take a closer look at this passage and focus on the word hope. As we enter this holiday season we focus a lot on ‘Good Will’, and ‘Cheer’, and ‘Joy’, but were does all this come from? We have joy because we know Christ came and we know that he prepares a room for us in Heaven, but more important then the joy, is the Hope we received knowing that Jesus Christ would overcome death, and without Christ we had no hope, just eternal darkness and fire. Because of that hope we know that our future is bright. No matter what comes our way in this life, no matter how bad things get for us here on Earth, we are not doomed to this life forever. We live in this life to prove ourselves to Christ, to show we carry the love of Christ in our hearts, so we may enter the gates of Heaven.

As my path has changed since God spared my life, I was struggling in one area of my life, and that was companionship. I prayed daily for God to send me someone and while He delivered it wasn’t exactly what I originally had in mind. God’s sense of humor does not escape me, and as I have realized, God often does the exact opposite of what I say I’m going to, or not do. I told God I wasn’t going to go into the ministry, and well….. That didn’t go as I had planned. I told God I would never get into a long distance relationship, and well, again, that went about as well as the first plan of not going into ministry. You’d think I would have learned to stop telling God what I’m not going to do. The path I am on is not easy, and it in fact may turn out to be slightly more complicated then I would have liked, but I often think back to Romans 8:28 (NKJV) “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”  As my new relationship continues to go well and we grow, I see that God’s plan was to have my life connected to the Philippines in some way. This path will both give me the opportunity to go there and to minister while I’m there, but also fulfill the promise to offer me companionship. God saw fit to answer two prayers at once, and I cannot fault Him for his creativity and ingenuity.  God’s funny that way, and whenever I think I have God figured out, and think I know where He has be headed, He throws a curveball and I find I knew very little all along. Though, even though I try not to count the steps now, I see the fog lifting on the last part of my life, and I see light in every corner. God truly does deliver when you are following His path. That’s not to say there won’t be hardships, or hurt, or pain along the way, on the contrary those things are promised. Don’t let the fog set in on your life and drain you of hope. While we may not always see through the fog in every situation, we know that God will guide us through. We have hope knowing that Jesus Christ was born, lived, died on the cross, and on the third day rose again in fulfillment of the scripture. 

Emotionally Compromised

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Emotionally Compromised

“There will always be storms, and emergencies, and chores to take care of in your day to day life. No matter how well we plan, or how careful we are there will always be just one more thing to take care of. We must always take time to rest and recharge. We must use that time to give thanks for our blessings, the grace we’ve been given, but also appreciate the hardships that come our way. The day to rest is commanded upon us, and we must allow ourselves time to reflect as God once did before all of creation. Our God shows us how to rest and leads by an example of its importance. Shall we not celebrate the day the Lord has marked as Holy and shall we not sing joyful songs and fellowship and truly find rest if not for one day a week? Rest today, for tomorrow’s burdens will be there tomorrow. Do not worry about them today.” AP

“I know you have pain because I feel it too, that doesn’t mean that Gods untrue.” AP We can’t and won’t always see the reason or reasons something goes wrong in our life. We can’t expect life to never hit a brick wall, or to fall on our faces. When my ex-wife left me and had an affair I found myself looking at my worst nightmare, and I fell down angry. I screamed, and cried to God angry, and I was so furious I literally saw red in my vision. What is it that causes us to turn our backs on God? Most people who turn Agnostic, or Atheist do so after suffering some kind of major catastrophe in their lives. I’d love to say this is simply just my opinion, but it isn’t. There are generally two kinds of people in this world. Those who after tragedy turn and grow closer to higher power, or those who curse and turn away from a higher power, so what are you? When bad things happened to you, were you the type to blame God, or turn to God?

In the last few weeks I have found myself facing hard questions. I have found myself having to listen and pray and shoulder the responsibility of being an ear. My first instinct is always to be try and fixing a problem. I have spent a large amount of my time in thought trying to create solutions to life’s problems. For me, and perhaps one of the hardest things I will ever have to learn in my path to ministry is how to shoulder that responsibility and never show the stress it crates on me. Not long ago I realized I had been impacted by something I had gone through and I found myself unable to be objective. Of course just like Starfleet Regulations 619 “Any command officer who’s emotionally compromised by the mission at hand, must resign said command.”  I felt I had emotionally compromised and decided it was best for me to remove myself from the situation until such time I could regain composure, and be more effective. When you hit your emotional limit, where do you turn? Do you turn to hatred and build bitterness in your heart, or do you turn to God and understand the nature of sin?

CS Lewis once said “My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust?” (C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity) We must understand the nature of our emotions. We often desire answers to the cruelty and malice of others. Someone once told me after a school shooting that there was no God because if there was how could He let innocent children be slaughtered? While painful, it’s hard to explain the nature of Sin to someone who’s already angry and bitter over the sins of the world. I know from my own experiences when I was emotionally upset, the last thing I wanted to hear was scripture. I wanted to be comforted, and more then anything I just wanted to yell and be heard.

When catastrophe strikes often times people need shoulders, not answers in the moment. There’s a time and place for answers, but before any counseling is done, we must evaluate the situation by ascertaining what mindset someone’s in. There is a time and place for scripture, and though that may be where we want to go, it may not always be the best time. As the Apostil Paul wrote in Romans 12:15  “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” Sometimes showing love, and compassion, and just being an ear for someone going through a hard time is all the ministering they need. It’s easy to loose sight of that sometimes, and when you’re in ministry long enough it’s easy to become a little callous to the hardships of others. There’s another quote by C.S. Lewis “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains.” (C.S. Lewis) When scripture tells us God is with us always, we must always remember that when we laugh, God laughs. When we cry God cries. When we are happy God is happy, when we are sad God’s sad. When we suffer we must go to the Lord and share our sufferings with Him. But at the same time we must go to our friends and share our suffering with them. It’s in our times of need it gives those around us a chance to be there for someone, a chance to make a difference and show love and compassion. Many people who follow Christ feel that need, that desire, and not to share our feelings is simply depriving them a chance to share the gospel with a friend or loved one in need. When the time is right of course.

Romans 8:28“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” It takes a great deal of faith to look at tragedy and see the good in it. Sometimes we may not know or understand how any good could come from any issue. I have seen so much hurt, and death, and tragedies in my life I cannot begin to understand all of it. What I do understand is we have free will, and those around us have free will. God did not force neither of my ex wives to have affairs, but he also did not stop it. If he were to stop someone from making a choice that wouldn’t exactly be free will anymore. As long as there is sin in the world there will always be pain. As long as people are people there will always be conflict because no matter how upright or righteous we are we will never be perfect. We must trust that those who walk with the Lord will reap the benefits of it, and those who don’t will suffer the inevitable consequences. I don’t know what the purpose has been for me to go through everything I’ve gone through except to say I now have first hand knowledge of some pretty intense hardships. Having all those hardships behind me I will be able to relate and connect with those whom I encounter during my time as a crisis counselor. It’s this path I feel the embodiment of loving your neighbor comes into my life. I feel there are many different ways we can be there for others in their time of need, and this particular path is mine. I often found in my times of crisis I didn’t always have someone to turn too. I hope one day to change that. I hope one day I can be to someone what I wish I had.

If we truly want to understand the world we must understand the love of God. We must truly understand the sacrifice made for us because of one simple little world, that there’s nothing simple about, Love. Love is the only thing that can change this world. Love is the only thing that can heal a broken heart. Love is the only thing that provides comfort to the sick. Love is the only thing that’s truly worth living for. We are loved by Jesus Christ so we can walk through this world as ambassadors and through the teachings of Christ we could bring change to those we come into contact with by simply loving them. The greatest of all the commandments is to love. Without love this world would be a dark place. If you are the one going through troubles be sure to reach out for someone you can count on to be there for you and who will offer Christian love. If you are the one someone’s reaching for, be sure to love them with patience, and compassion. It’s not always easy, but love isn’t easy. In fact the verse says ‘Love suffers long.’This verse is how 1 Corinthians: 13:4 starts. No matter how hard our day has been, how horrific our situation, we must always remember that love endures all things. Of course we will fail someone and we’ll get angry, or frustrated, or short-tempered that’s apart of life. We aren’t perfect and we won’t always see eye to eye, but loving someone regardless is a command not a suggestion by Christ. Failure to do so is a sin, and as all sin is equal at the foot of the cross, consider that the next time you turn a blinds eye, or choose to ‘hate’ someone. To know God is to know love, and if we are truly going to call ourselves Christians, we must understand that loving someone is not based on the things we like about them, the things we have in common, or anything else for that matter. If we are going to fix this world it’s going to be through love, it’s going to be through apologetics, not by taking up arms, or turning our backs on people. Jesus never turned his back on anyone even when he knew they were wrong. He loved everyone, and died for everyone not just the marginally good people. If you’re feeling emotionally compromised remove yourself from a situation so you can come back fresh and ready to love. We only get one chance for a good impression and as a Christian we should strive for every first impression to be a Christ Like impression. So go out there and love your socks out. Be kind and loving to all whom you encounter. Spread joy and love and change the world one person at a time.

 

 

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Frustrations

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Frustrations,

We cannot walk through life without running into a few challenges. We cannot expect to never face the rain. Someone said to me once, ‘when it rains, some people feel the rain, others just get wet.’ I think one of the hardest things we will do as people is embrace the trials with an open mind and using that big beautiful brain God gave us to focus on the positive things even in the worst situations we find ourselves in. Galatians 6:9  “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Feelings of doubt and frustration are natural and normal to have. We all have our tough days, and I’ve had my fair share lately. What’s important is not that you have them, but that you are able to make your way through as a Christian, and keeping your witness. John 16:33“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” The trials come, and come with a vengeance sometimes. It’s aright to feel frustrated, and even angry sometimes. It’s okay to vent as long as it’s controlled. Most importantly when you’re struggling make sure to take your concerns to the one who can truly do something, God.

As far as everyone else is concerned, when you see your brothers and sisters struggling be sure to help them. Be sure to provide encouragement, and love. It’s not easy going through trials. We all have, and we all hope to have someone to lean on when the going gets tough. Don’t be that friend that casts blame, or rebukes someone for being, ‘negative.’ One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone says you’re being too negative. Discussing trials, and struggles isn’t negative it’s a fact of life. Everyone goes through tough seasons, bad storms, and everyone deserves to have someone to listen, someone who will care, and help them through it. Don’t abandon those in need because if you do, you’re actually the one in sin. Proverbs 27:10“Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, And do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away.” So many people today want only the feel good positives in their lives, and often try to remove anyone who is going through a tough time in fear they may be contaminated by negativity. The truth is, while some people are more prone to being negative and that may not be an undesirable trait, we must look at a person’s situation and ask how we’d feel in their shoes.

For me, I lost a lot of friends after my ex-wife left. I was miserable for a few months and struggled to stand on my own two feet. I was devastated at the loss of my wife, and the incident which put me in the hospital. I had guilt, shame, heartbreak, worry, and a slue of other emotions, and when I wasn’t ‘snapping out of it’ in others perceived time table, I was abandoned by many. My life at that time mirrored the life of Job. Many of my situations were similar, and as I continued to struggle and limp along, many of my pastor friends pointed me to the book of Job, and the trials of Paul. To this day many of my works would involve references of those two men as my inspiration to carry on. Just remember if you struggle as I have, or if you’ve struggled as Job had, and you find yourself alone, forgotten, remember these words. Job 19:14“My relatives have failed, And my intimate friends have forgotten me.” Even when Job was left and forgotten by his closest friends, rebuked, blamed for his misfortunes, he never gave up hope. Job 19:26“26 And after my skin is [a]destroyed, this I know, That in my flesh I shall see God,” He Trusted the Lord, and knew that God would never leave him. We must all trust in the Lord that in all things blessings can be found in every trial, every storm, every heartbreak, and every thorn.

 

Why God?

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Why God?

I wish I could stand here and tell you I’ve never been on the outs with God. I wish I could tell you I’ve never felt like I was the cosmic punching bag. The truth is, when I felt like I was being punished for something it was me that had the wrong perspective. It’s not easy living life through the trials, the storms, but the thing I get asked most often, “why?” While I don’t always have the answers to why, I want to talk about perspective. We’ve become a society of passing the buck. We blame all manor of things, but more often then not, the things responsible are ignored or underplayed.

Recently I was thinking about my own past. When my ex had her affair I blamed God. I blamed God saying “Why would you do this to me? I’ve been faithful.” Interestingly enough, looking back from where I am now, I think of Luke Skywalker, “Amazing, every word of what you just said, was wrong.” We often find ourselves angry when we are in pain. Pastor Glen Newsom told me an example recently, when we hurt we’re like a bear caught in a trap. We will lash out to anyone or anything that comes near us. When we’re trying to help people we often have to get close enough to that bear to be hit in the face. Sadly when dealing with a bear trap, you might have to tighten it causing more pain, before you can release the bear from the trap. Counseling and aiding those in need is sometimes the same. We are angry and we hurt, and we just want the pain to go away, and we’ll do anything to make it stop. When I was angry I didn’t think twice about the source, I blamed God. In all reality my problem was me. I knew the past of the people I had been in relationships with. I knew there were a few things that seemed morally questionable. When the time came around and I was the one cheated on, instead of blaming them, and Satan, I targeted the wrong entity. I know that God has the power to step in, to change the way things are, but to do so would be to take away the second greatest gift we’d ever be given, Free Will. Of course the first greatest gift is Jesus Christ.

To this day I still don’t have an understanding of why my ex wife left. What I do know is sin and lusts of the flesh are powerful motivators. Sin and free will can be a dangerous combination when we aren’t walking alongside Christ. We cannot place blame on God for the sins of Man. I was thinking about that recently. Blaming God for the things people do, is like blaming the police for not stopping a murderer from killing, or blaming firefighters for the fire because the arsonist burnt the forest down. Blame is our scapegoat. We don’t want to think it’s our loved ones fault. We don’t want to think somehow we are responsible. Instead we want to pass the buck to the easiest place possible. The hard part about responsibility is when we’re told all the blaming we’ve done, all the finger pointing should really be turned inward. No one wants to hear the truth that they are responsible, or their loved one’s at fault. How could someone we love and care about be the cause of so much pain? Of course this falls into play when you talk about the stages of grief. Denial is a powerful stage and if you happen to be the sorry soul to point out truth, be careful, the swings will come, and you’re likely to get punched in the face.

All My Hope, By Crowder “All my hope is in Jesus, thank God my yesterdays gone, all my sins have been forgiven, I’ve been washed by the blood.” When we look to yesterday we are gifted with hindsight which they say is 20/20 vision. Sometimes though even when we look back things are only clear to the ones wearing the glasses. As they say about history it’s written by the victors. Our eyewitness accounts would vary drastically from one person to the next. Deuteronomy 11:26“See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse:” When we’re in the middle of the storm, we can’t see the size, the distance, even the worst to come within that storm but radar can. We are not able to see it because we aren’t God. It’s not a healthy path to start questioning your decisions too much. I’ve always been an advocate of healthy after action reviews to improve upon every major decision made, but we cannot get caught in a loop of the what ifs. We will never have those answers within this life, and so we should not worry ourselves about hypothetical rhetoric. Trusting in the Lord to work out every bad situation to be a learning tool, a blessing, or correction for our own bad behavior will come with faith. God does not control the actions of man because God has blessed man with free will. When most people are asked if they believe in destiny or fate, most will answer with a resounding yes or no. Those who say no often say it because they don’t like the idea they aren’t in control of their own actions. Those who say yes often agree that we are destined to get a certain job, or go through certain things, but when you break it down to the smallest detail, ‘are you destined to have Cheerios one morning, or Fruit Loops?” Their tune changes a bit when you start talking about the true nature of destiny and free will. God does not want slaves, but he wants his Children to love Him. I am not a parent, but I imagine if I were I would not want to force my kids to love me, I would want to know they love me of their own free will, because they want to, not because they have to. We can’t have it both ways, we cannot blame God for the wrongs of every person, and want our own free will. We get the good and the bad when it comes to free will.

When people get sick with a disease, or die in an accident, one of the first questions asked is ‘Why would God let this happen?” There’s no answer myself, nor anyone could ever give that would be right on purpose. We don’t know why a smoker of 50 years dies the ripe old age of 95 never having contracted cancer, and someone who smoked for just a fear years dies in their 40’s of lung cancer long after they’ve quit. We don’t know why babies are taken home to be with the Lord so shortly after coming into this world. We don’t know why God allows the body to have miscarriages, and so many other incidences that plague our lives. Jeremiah 29:11“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” While we often say, ‘I don’t disserve this.’ We don’t disserve life, but we were blessed with the opportunity to ever lasting life through our Savior Jesus Christ. It’s an opportunity because it’s not mandatory for us to enter into Heaven. Heaven is a gift, but one we must accept. It’s a gift with a single stipulation, and that’s to love Jesus Christ with all your heart and soul. We must trust in that love and understand that as Christ suffered trials and persecution we to will undergo trials and persecutions to test our own faith, our own resolve. 1 Thessalonians 5:18“18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” We think ourselves mighty if we believe we don’t deserve the trails and sufferings we encounter in this life. We are no different then those who drove the nails into the hands and feet of an innocent man. We are no different then those who cast lots to divide up the clothing of a man who was blameless. We are no different then the wicked men of our forbears. We believe we are basically good people, but at the foot of the cross we are no better, nor worse then anyone else who’s ever lived before us, or those who will come long after we’re gone. How can you say we don’t deserve the trails that come when all sin is created equal, and the only way for us to be rid of it, is to give ourselves, succumb completely to the Love of Jesus Christ. We are not worthy of that love. Grace however is given to those worthy or not. Love is given to all without cost, without reward, without score, and yet we are short sighted in our ideas of love, forgiveness, mercy and grace. Why does God love us? Why do bad things happen to us? The answers are simple, and yet so simple people have a hard time understanding and or respecting the answer. Bad things happen because Sin entered the world. Bad things happen because people live in the world by the worlds rules rather then living for God. God loves us because He can. God wants to love us, and that’s all the reason He needs. God loves each and every one of His children more then we can wrap our heads around the word Love.

We must keep Proverbs 3:5-6in our hearts and minds always. “5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Faith in the plan from the Lord because we know our God loves us, and wants good things for us, not bad. We are to be tested to be the best we can be. We are to be tried because we learn from our failures, we grow, and we mature in our struggles more so then any other time in our lives. Faith, Hebrews 11:1-3 “11 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. 2 For by it the people of old received their commendation. 3 By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible.” So ask yourself again, why do bad things happen? Bad things happen because people make sinful decisions. Bad things happen because we make poor choices. Bad things happen because in life we live in a fallen world, and we don’t always get the answers to why. We learn from them, we grow in them, and in all things we are commanded to come to God in our sorrow, our time of need. Crawl into your Abba’s lap and cry, and always ask God to be with you, because He always is. Jesus Christ will never leave you, He will never abandon you, and for every tear you cry, He’s holding them in His hands, and He’s crying along side you. Be of good faith, and know that you will be the sword forged in fire, to be made sharp, and battle ready, tested under combat, and you will prevail, that’s why bad things happen.

Explosive Memories

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Explosive Memories

I try not to think about it most of the time. I remember the sounds, the sights, even the smell of sulfur. I can remember each incident and as much as I try not to think about it, there are days. The struggle for veterans returning home from war can vary differently from one to the next. For me I have spent years facing my demons. Behind every uniform is a story. My story hasn’t ended, but my time in uniform has. The wounds left behind leave scars and those don’t ever go away. I can remember one explosion after another, and from the way it feels as the blast goes through you. I remember the fear I would face while on patrol, trying to stay focused, but in those memories, I sadly brought them home with me. My time in war fundamentally changed me, and because of that, because of how I was changed, I find some days I struggle to enjoy some of the same things other people like.

The other day I was driving to work and found myself in a traffic jam. Most people would perhaps be a little frustrated, but me, there’s a level of fear, and that fear turns to anger. I am terrified of sitting in traffic because I am not in control at all. I am afraid of being caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. I am afraid of the trash on the side of the road. I’m afraid of the crowds I encounter while I’m out in public. I’m afraid of the movie theater. I’m afraid of the mall. I’m afraid of being caught ill prepared. In my life I have spent a lot of time focusing on the what ifs, planning for the emergencies to be as prepared as possible. I have to hope that in the darkness of this world, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Revelation 21:4“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

 John 16:33“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” In my day, I am haunted by the memories of my past. I have struggled to let go, and remember that Christ overcame the world. His blood set me free, and though my trials my be today, my Heaven is tomorrow. Living with PTSD isn’t always easy, but we keep pushing forward. Dealing with the day-to-day strife can lead your heart to feel heavy. We must not focus on the cant’s, or why something is too hard, we need to focus on what we can do. John 14:1“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.” Though my past and my grief haunt me, I must thank the Lord for the love and mercy that’s placed upon me every day. Jesus has offered me everything, and I can’t let the pain of yesterday turn my focus. The Devil tries to distract me, lie to me, prey on my weaknesses, and I will admit, some days he gets his claws in and it’s all I can do to push him away. Don’t forget the purposes of our true journey. Keep pushing forward and focus on today, not yesterday.

I think back to the day I was something in my own eyes, and when the tornado struck my life and ruin was left in it’s wake, I think back to how foolish I was to think my happiness could last. I placed my self worth on those around me. I placed my happiness in the hands of others, to include family, friends, and my wife. I trusted all the wrong people, and putting my faith in the world, thinking if I walked the walk, talk the talk, prayed the prayers, that I might be spared the hardships of another divorce or worse. The thing is when you are strong in your faith, the Devil attacks, and he attacks, and he’s relentless to see how long he can push you till you break. How much  can you take before you curse God, turn your back, and walk deeper down the dark path.

No matter the hardships you’ve endured, the horrors you’ve seen, you need to remember who the true enemy is at the end of the day. Put not your faith in man for we are fickle and swayed easily, but put your faith in the Lord for God is never changing, and always we are found in God’s love and grace. The road is long, but the blessings of tomorrow outweigh the pain of today.

The Purge

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The Purge

Job 2:11 “Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came every one from his own place; Eliphaz the Temanite, and Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite: for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him.” They spoke out against him instead of offering comfort. While they never left Job they certainly weren’t the friends he needed in his time of sorrow and suffering. God would rebuke his friends for their handling of their good friends unfortunate situation.

What about when friends just up and leave? John 6:66 “From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him.” Jesus Christ had friends, followers that left him when he said something they didn’t like. When Christ told them the only way to the Father was through Christ, they ask no questions; they turn their backs and never returned. Later Jesus would be betrayed by Judas and sold him out to the Sanhedrin.

In the last year I’ve seen a major exodus from my life, friends that I never thought I’d loose, but many have walked away never to return. I’ve had friends blame me for my troubles, and I’ve had friends leave without a single word. It’s hard watching a purge like that in your life, but the truth is, in order for the forest to grow back greener, fuller, more beautiful then ever, sometimes purging fire is needed. This isn’t without sorrow and pain, but the truth is, sometimes the purge is exactly what’s needed.

Jesus knew many would flee from him because of what he was teaching. He taught regardless of the cost because what was needed is always necessary. The truth may not be popular but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. It’s better to loose to truth, then to have in the lie. It’s better to have very little, but be blessed in quality, then to have plenty and be worth very little. No one wants to live in solitude, but sometimes we need to see the world through a different set of eyes. No one wants to be alone, but it’s better to be alone then to be with people who care nothing for you.

Would you stand with the crowd preaching lies, or stand alone on the truth? God’s word will stand against the raging tie because it’s the truth. Luke 13:24 “Strive to enter through the narrow door. For many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able.” God’s word is the truth, and Christians will be persecuted through time and till the very end. You will loose friends, and you will watch as the world turns from you. It can be heart breaking watching close friends leave you, and it will hurt your feelings, but the truth is, if it’s so fragile that friends would leave for any number of reasons, the friendships weren’t that strong to begin with. As you walk in Christ you will find new friends, and hopefully one day a partner to worship along side. There’s more in life then we could ever see and we must have faith and trust in the Lord that brighter days are just around the corner. We never know how long the storm will last, but we know that one day the storm will end and the light from Heavens gate will shine the way home. When we go home this life and the friends we had, the friends we lost, none of it will matter. Have faith in the plan unseen, and even when you’re on your knees praying for relief, trust it will come. Never loose sight of the big picture and my prayers are with you, those who’ve lost friends. Those who have followed in the footsteps of Job, and those who’ve lost friends like Jesus. Remember the purge of old makes room for the new. Embrace the new as it comes. It will be different, and it might be hard, but change isn’t always bad. The change of your heart when you accept Christ will be foreign to many, and you won’t be recognizable anymore. Allow the old to burn away, and watch the beauty of the new budding relationships. Just have patience and breath. Trust always, and move forward.

 

 

 

Not Alone

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Not Alone

Does it bother you when someone tells you you’re not alone? Does it bother you when you sit at home and wait for the phone to ring but never does? Does it bother you when you feel the only way people talk to you is because you talk first? Does it bother you when it doesn’t seem like there’s any conversation left between you and your friends? How often are you sitting at home waiting for anything to happen in your life?

If you’ve asked yourself any of these questions, you’re not the only one. I’ve struggled with these very same questions, and I have even seen it go a little further. My job, the people that are supposed to be there to help you won’t even call me back. It’s not because I’m a bad officer, I’m not, in fact I’m a decorated officer. I think the key to anyone being happy is realizing the world isn’t a fair place. You won’t get a fair chance, you won’t get what you want half the time, and people are generally just as bad. It’s a difficult place to be when you’re the one waiting for your phone to ring. When you question if you’ve made any difference in anyone’s life. I ask myself that very question fairly often. As I have sat waiting for my messenger to ding, or my phone to ring, I have questioned if anyone would miss me if I were gone. When you leave a job and no one misses you. When you stop being the first one to text and realize the only reason you talked every day was because of you. This realization is of course sad, and potentially heart breaking, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

No matter what your currently loneliness looks like, we al must come to the conclusion that while yes in this life you may not have as many people in your life as you’d like, the fact is there are more people that care about you then you realize, they just can’t talk as much as they would like. It’s not an easy task weeding out those who are just there, and those who actually care. I’ve had my fair share of fair weather friends, but trust me when I say, when the going gets tough you will have at least a couple people there for you. I know for a fact I have a few friends that have bailed me out when bad things have happened to me. Those friends aren’t going anywhere, and even when I don’t see them often, they are still around.

I think where the line gets burry is when we don’t have many people to talk to. I think there’s a distinct difference between care, and communicate. The age of communication is over. People today don’t know how to make conversation. We are quickly becoming a society of introverts. We went from texting over talking, and from there we went from texting to Facebook messenger, to now people only share funny gifs, or meme’s. The age of talking seems to have died, and with it the care to actually get to know anyone, or getting past the surface fluff.

It’s a dark place out there and in the world, and sadly most people are lonely. Most people are seeking for a connection and that connection sadly is more and more difficult to come by. Yes you probably are alone in the way that you live a meager solitary life. You probably only have a few people to talk to, and sometimes none at all. If you’re anything like me most of my friends have abandoned ship this last year and in doing so revealing the fair weather friends and weeding through them. Those left are the ones I know I can count on, and having friends that I can count on is more important then meager chitchat.

When you dig deeper and you scrape away all the nonsense the gold is really buried under the trash. You truly aren’t alone because God will never leave or forsake you. Hebrews 13:5 “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” God’s love for you is eternal. God will always walk with you no matter what season you’re in. Some times the teacher must let the student take the test alone, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t in the room. God wants what’s best for us and even when things go badly we must understand that there will always be tests, and there will always be sin mixed in with free will. Other people will do you wrong, and other people will try to ruin things for you. We are sometimes our own worst enemy and we must learn to overcome. While some days loneliness will feel so heavy you can’t seem to move, but trust me when I say, the Holy Spirit is always with you. Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

We stray away and we forget but no matter how far we go we know that the love of our Abba (Father) will be with us no matter how far we fall, or how deeply we fail. A father’s love is something one can never under estimate. Our Father told us all we’d ever need to know when he sent his only Son to be born, live, grow, and suffer and die for our very sins. To be forgiven no matter what we do if we seek the forgiveness and ask for our chance to be redeemed.

Love without End, Amen

Let me tell you a secret about a father’s love
A secret that my daddy said was just between us
He said daddies don’t just love their children every now and then
It’s a love without end, amen

 We may not see the world as it is, but only our small piece of it. It’s hard not having someone to talk to when you feel alone, but if you look hard enough you will find. Pray from the depths of your heart and your needs will be met. Don’t get lost in the forest of lies and don’t let the Devil win. You matter and your contributions to this world matter. Don’t rest your self worth on others, instead allow yourself to see that your self worth is held by our Father. The creator of all things made you and there’s a reason, a purpose for it. We may not always understand or see, but pray for a moment to see the way God see’s. Everything will be alright and just keep the faith. You haven’t failed, people have failed you. Remember that the next time you feel alone in your room. Jesus a master of the universe, the true King, knowing and understanding the secrets of the universe, had to walk every day with by his point of view simpletons that wouldn’t ever truly understand what he knew. Having the comfort that the Father was watching over Him every day is peace of mind you can’t buy. Never give up on yourself because you have so much to live for, so much to do. Find your mission, your purpose and God will help you along the way.