Tag: god

Raise Your Hands

thearrowpreacher1 Comment

Raise Your Hands

When you finally stop struggling, stop fighting the Lord all you can do is fall to your knees and cry, raise your hands to the lord and surrender. It’s like a long battle being waged, and when that battle finally ends it’s like being reborn, loosing old flesh like a snake shedding its scales. You can only raise your hands and pray to our Father and ask for forgiveness for being lost so long. Traveling in the darkness full of monsters, ghouls, and all manner of evil creatures lurking in the blackness of night. When the light of God enters your heart, convicts you, the darkness can no longer survive so long as that light shines.

Nothing really matters anymore when you let the Lord in. The problems of the world, the problems in our hearts, are all small potatoes to the Lord. We must learn to let go of the things we cannot change and accept the things we can. Our hands are but tools for the lord, and lifting them shows God we praise him, we worship him, we have open hands ready to receive whatever the Lord has to give us.

Psalms 63:4 “Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name.” Even the great King David knew he was a servant to the Lord. A man after God’s own heart, a King over thousands, with hundreds if not more servants of his own knew he had to give praise to the Lord. 1 Timothy 2:8 “I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting.” Through all things we praise the Lord, and give him Glory. Even as he was loosing everything, Job a faithful loving servant of God lifted his hands. Job 11:13 “If thou prepare thine heart, and stretch out thine hands toward him;”

 Most of my life I felt it was silly to raise my hands during worship. But after one day when my world had collapses around me, and I surrendered it all to the Lord, when I finally knew I couldn’t win the fight on my own, I acquiesced to the Lord, I laid down my problems, I rose my hands and gave it all.

I was listening to my Funky Time play list this morning. The song Party in the USA by Barden Bellas (Miley Cyrus cover) came on.

“So I put my hands up
They’re playing my song, the butterflies fly away
I’m noddin’ my head like, ‘yeah’
I’m movin’ my hips like, ‘yeah’
I got my hands up, they’re playing my song”

 It dawned on me how often I would do that when a song came on that moved me. We see people doing it at concerts, in the car on our drive to work, but how often do we see people lifting their hands because they are moved by the Holy Spirit? We must to praise God more then we do our favorite songs.

“So I put my hands up

Gods moving in my heart like now,

I’m waving my hands like yeah

Bobbin my head like yeah,

I’ve got my hands up, cuz Jesus died for my soul.”

 

Praise God with your whole body. Dance for the Lord, Sing for the Lord, Praise to the Lord. 2 Samuel 6:14 “And David danced before the LORD with all his might; and David wasgirded with a linen ephod.”

 

 

The Lonely Tree

thearrowpreacher13 Comments

The Lonely Tree

 The tree stands in the middle of the forest. It’s not the biggest or the tallest, but it’s still a good tree. It’s surrounded by the forest on all sides, with some of the biggest, prettiest trees. This tree isn’t special or unique in any way. There’s nothing that makes this tree stand out in the greatness and wonders of the beauty it’s surrounded by. This tree like many others survived from a seedling, to the tree it is today. The tree flows in the wind, the leaves rustle just a bit. The branches are sturdy as are the roots. Birds come and go but pay the tree no mind. The occasional squirrel plays to and fro the branches, but sadly the tree has no hope to make friends with the squirrels or the birds. Along come the spiders that only use the tree, expect the tree to not mind the silky webs being strewn about in any manor the spiders want.

The tree wonders to itself why couldn’t I grow in a nice back yard someplace? Someplace where a couple kids would climb, and laugh, have a swing, or a glorious tree house to invite their friends over to play. Then the tree would stand out and be important. The kids would love that tree, and there they would create memories of the tree that they would have forever. Surrounded by other trees this tree is lonely. What can this tree do to feel better?

The Tree grows day after day, bigger and bigger it reaches for the sky. For years this tree stands in the forest questioning it’s existence. “Why am I here Lord?” the tree asks. “I have a plan for you, but be patient.” God said in return. So the lonely tree continued to host the spiders, the squirrels, the occasional birds and waited as God commanded.

Several more years had passed and the tree felt even more alone and out of place. The tree can’t believe there is no purpose. The day came when there was much commotion in the forest. Men flooded the forest with large pieces of equipment. “God I’m scared” said the tree. “You’ve been faithful to your own understanding. You’ve been home too many and you’ve lived a long life. You’ve given yourself to a cause and you’ve been patient, and for that you will give back in ways you can only dream of.” “I don’t understand what you mean God.” Responded the tree. “Trust in me, have faith, and you will.” God reassured the tree. “All I’ve ever wanted to be was special.” Said the tree. “You will be more special then you could ever imagine.” Replied God.

In the following days the men with the equipment were cutting down other trees. The day came when the men started to cut down the old tree. “I’m scared.” Said the tree. “My child, just as men, there’s a plan for all my creation. You will help reach almost a hundred people. My darling tree you are destined to be used to print Bibles. You will be made into Bibles that will be sent all over the world. Your sacrifice, your purpose will create nearly 100 Bibles. Those Bibles will touch the lives of almost 100 people and offer an opportunity for my children to know me.” “I am honored to give back my Lord.” Said the tree. “You’ve never been alone, and you never will be alone.” Replied God.

No mater what we think of our lives, we don’t know what God will plan for us. We don’t know our usefulness. What we do know is when we give the Glory to God, when we give faithfully, we will be given in return. Proverbs 28:20 “A faithful man will abound with blessings, but whoever hastens to be rich will not go unpunished.” And finally Luke 16:10 “One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.” As the tree was faithful for all those years and all it wanted was to be useful, to be bigger then what it was. The tree’s prayers would be answered after a lifetime of waiting. Sometimes God will say No because it’s not the right time, or it’s not what’s good for us. You don’t have to be the biggest, or strongest, fastest or smartest in order for God to use you. You only need to be willing to be a servant for God and you shall be blessed for it. No matter whom you are or how you think you don’t fit in, you will always fit in, in Gods kingdom.

Set Sail

thearrowpreacher4 Comments

Set Sail

When the wind is right and the waters are up for change, that’s when it’s time to raise your sail and head off for new horizons. With your compass to the ready let the winds take and guide you. Change can be a great thing filled with new adventure. It can be hard to expect good things when the change is unexpected. How do we know what star to sail by? How do we know when it’s time to set forth the sail and let the wind guide you? When life changes and it doesn’t feel like home anymore, when you feel like the wind has turned against you and your fighting the head wind, it’s time to set a new course. John 3:8 “The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going; so is everyone who is born of the Spirit.” It is that Holy Spirit that can guide you in the changing of the winds. The foundation to which we must forge our faith, our temperament, our adventures must be set in stone of the Father. Matthew 7:25 “And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock.”

No matter where the winds take us hold your foundation, know where your northern star is and no matter the pleasant wind, or the winds of storms, you will always find your way. Let God guide you and have faith to sail into the horizon and the wind of God shall take you where you’re supposed to go. Have faith in your own faith, have faith in God and with the wind at your back you will be taken to where you need to go.

It can be a scary thing to venture out on your own, alone. Imagine the first of the Apollo mission that set ‘sail’ for the moon. With every adventure there are set backs. Apollo 1 had the fire on the launch pad. Apollo 13 had an O2 canister explode on route to the moon. The Challenger exploded just after launch, and the Columbia exploded in reentry, all of these tragedies could have changed our space program, we could have canceled the space program but it didn’t. We didn’t let the winds of resistance slow us down, so we cannot tuck tail and run when things get hard for us either. The NX-01 Enterprise in the Star Trek Universe was the first warp 5 ship in the fleet and was making history with every light year. Don’t let fear force you to alter course. Batten down the hatches and hold on to the rail when things get rocky. We may not always be prepared for everything that comes, but overcome and adapt. Keep the faith and keep your heading.

The Embrace of God

thearrowpreacher1 Comment

The Embrace of God

Have you have felt so lost and afraid you didn’t know where to turn or what to do next? The last 8 months of my life have been filled with plenty of those days. Thankfully for me there is plenty of scripture to help those in need. Isaiah 50:44 “The Lord God hath given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him that is weary: he wakeneth morning by morning, he wakeneth mine ear to hear as the learned.” There have been many players who’ve been important to continue to carry on the plot in our great story. There have been particular people along the way who’ve had a special relationship with God in order to give us the tools to reach salvation, the final stage in our story. Although God has been angry with humanity in the past, today, the covenant hold true. Psalm 86:15 “But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” It’s the love of God that gives us our comfort. Psalm 33:22 “May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.” No matter how big or small a mistake we make, God will always be with us, because there is always hope that before our last breath we can give our lives to the Lord. Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

When you need that proverbial hug from the big guy upstairs, may I suggest, Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” And John 16:33 “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

 Some day’s scripture may not provide the comfort we’d like or hope for, but never the less, I guarantee it would be better to have it then the alternative to not. When I was in Paris I fell in love with a particular sculpture Cupid and Psyche’s Embrace, or sometimes called Psyche Revived by Cupid’s Kiss. Although this is from Roman mythology it always reminds me of the sweet tender nature of the one true God.

We may not always feel as if God is there with us, but fear not God isn’t going anywhere. James 1:2 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,” No matter how weary and low we get know that God will always be at the ready and by our side. Isaiah 40:28 “Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.” Don’t get me wrong, I often feel weak and low, but that’s when I rely more on my faith to get me through. When my faith is low and I don’t feel like I can carry my own cross anymore, there’s only one thing I can do. I listen to

Lean On Me.

 Sometimes in our lives we all have pain

We all have sorrow

But if we are wise

We know that there’s always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you’re not strong

And I’ll be your friend

I’ll help you carry on

For it won’t be long

‘Til I’m gonna need

Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride

If I have faith you need to borrow

For no one can fill those of your needs

That you won’t let show

You just call on me brother, when you need a hand

We all need somebody to lean on

I just might have a problem that you’ll understand

We all need somebody to lean on

 As Great as this is when referring to a friend, think of it more if God is that friend to lean on. God will always be there to lighten our load. We can’t get help if we don’t ask. God will always put someone in our life for us to lean on. We just need to look in the right place.

Why I became The Arrow Preacher

thearrowpreacher14 Comments

Why I became the Arrow Preacher

A question I’ve been asking myself is why this path? Why have I chosen to dawn the hood, teach myself to be an archer, learn the Bible and teach others. I don’t know the path I live on, or where it will take me. All my life I’ve felt out of place, I have felt like something was wrong. The only part of my life that makes sense, the only part of my life that seems to be going well, knowing that I am writing and making a difference. It feels good knowing that I am in some small way doing God’s work.

For so long in my life I wished I could be someone else, anyone other then who I was. I dreaded every day I would wake up and head out into the world. I never cared for what I saw in the mirror, or the pain and suffering I had in my heart every day. I had always had a love for archery and characters that were archers. One in particular the Green Arrow became a quick favorite of mine. For years I would dress as the character for Halloween. I continued to train myself with my bows and as time went on, more and more people started to call me the Arrow.

During the time I spent under the hood it became clearer I was more comfortable under the hood then that everyone saw me as every day. As I began to write on Facebook the more I wrote the more people started to gravitate to it. In time the suggestion would start to come that I create my own blog, separate from Facebook, A place where my voice could and would be heard. Eventually I would be told by the right people, at just the right time in my life to start this blog.

Over the last few months as I’ve seen my blog take flight, I now find myself evaluating where I’m going. I find myself comfortable in my reasonable success with my blog and finding a sense of pride with each new country my blog is viewed from.

These days my persona feels more real then my life. I feel I am doing my best work when I am writing and reaching out to others. God has blessed me with some wonderful abilities, and I am thankful every day for them. To allow my pain to reach others and not let that pain destroy me I can only praise God. My pain the suffering I’ve endured has taught me much it will not be in vein. If I can reach others in similar pain, those who’ve gone through depression, anxiety, divorce, self loathing, the thoughts and feelings we all have at some point. God has blessed me with a great deal over the years. As I have survived on setback after another in my life, it is always God who’s lifted me out of the shadows, brought me back into the light, brought me back to life. The war is far from over, and as I see myself a warrior for Christ I will not give up till my last breath is taken to bring others unto his flock.

I will continue to use my gifts, use this hood and this mask, and to use my bow to reach others any way I can. This blog is an outlet for the daily struggles I face, along with things I know others have and are facing. I can only hope to reach as many people as possible. For all of my followers, THANK YOU! I am so grateful for each and every one of you. I am honored so have such wonderful followers.

Pass On What You Have Learned

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

Pass On What You Have Learned

 When we start in our faith we are but babies. As we grow in our faith we grow stronger in both our connection with God and our understanding of that faith, we mature in it. It is important that as we grow in our faith that we learn to pass on what we have learned. In order for us to live up to the commandment we have been given we must realize the importance of passing on the word of God to the next generation. Joel 1:3 “3 Tell ye your children of it, and let your children tell their children, and their children another generation.” This sentiment is shared again in Psalms 34:11 “Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.”

Although I’m not a father I can understand the opinion that a father wants his son to have a better life then his own. Proverbs 3:1 “My son, do not forget my teaching, But let your heart keep my commandments;” If we are to leave behind a legacy the most important legacy we can leave is the continued teachings of Christ. Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Fathers must be roll models. We were made to lead the household. We were made to be strong and courageous. We may not always know the right path to take, and we may not always get it right everyday, but praying everyday to God for the strength, wisdom and courage to be the best dad you can be is so essential.

Today there are too many kids who don’t have a father. Today there are to many sperm donors that abandon their kids and walk away from their responsibilities. What is it that makes a boy lay with a woman and walk away when there is a child involved? So many males in our society today think of themselves as men, they have how many kids, with how many women, that doesn’t make you a man, it makes you a boy with no regard for morals or responsibilities. It truly makes me sick how many close friends I have who are single mothers, trying to play the roll of mother and father, work full time and still barely making ends meet. It isn’t fair or right for a family to live like that. Sadly it’s becoming just the way it is. More to it though, how many people live such a morally gray life? How many people who are raised Christian turn their backs on it, or how many live a life of hypocrisy? We are all hypocrites and we are all sinners, but to what extent? Do we hurt people on purpose? Do we lie to the ones we love to their face? Do we treat the people we love with distain and loathing? What is the driving force to have affairs, to cheat on the ones we claim to love? Why can we not be happy with what we have? Why can we not separate like adults, and why do we have to tear someone down to the very bottom before we are satisfied with leaving well enough alone? Where does our hatred, our rampant antipathy come from? We decide to destroy the very foundation a life was built upon for what cause? The simple answer is sin, and most often a form of unhappiness from within. We often push outward what we are feeling within and we don’t always know how to focus that energy so it usually comes out as anger, hatred, words and actions towards the person we are usually closest too. Sadly that’s part of why so many marriages, so many relationships end today. We just don’t know how to handle. It’s easier to quit and run away then it is to face yourself in the mirror. It’s easier to turn your loved one into the bad guy so you can look at yourself and feel okay with your decisions. The sad part is, while you are making yourself feel better, we don’t care about the pain we inflict on someone else. We don’t care about how much our anger and hatred is destroying their world. The old saying is true, “fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side.” (Yoda)

To love is hard; to love unconditionally is near impossible for so many. When you’re heart isn’t with the Lord, to love as Christ loves, to give as Christ gave, to sacrifice as Christ did, is beyond what most are comfortable doing, because that means putting your faith in something bigger then yourself. It means giving up that piece of yourself that must be in control, that must be held on to in order to protect yourself from harm. The truth is though if we are truly with someone, and trust them, and we give ourselves to someone to love them and want to make them happy with everything we are, if both people in a relationship would spend all their energy being their for the other person everyone’s needs would be met. This isn’t an easy thing to do, and it’s not without practice, but it can be done. How strong are you? How willing are you to merge to vials of sand together to become one inseparable bowl of sand? If nothing else is passed on in life, what does it mean to love, the greatest commission of all.

Love above all else, love your God, love your, neighbors, pass on Love.

 

 

 

The Battle Between Good and Evil (May the 4th Be With You)

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

The Battle Between Good and Evil

(May the 4th Be With You)

We all have both good and evil inside of us. We are born as innocent, yet we can quickly learn hate, or love. Much as the force it’s easier to Hate then it is to Love. Shadow Arrow Season 2 “Everyone has a demon inside of them. The “dao de jing” recognizes the yin and the yang, opposing forces inside all of us. The darkness and the light. The killer and the hero.” As I have spent my life and more recently the last year preaching and teaching I often find myself falling to famous movie quotes, Vader “I find your lack of faith disturbing.” When we do not have faith in God we will find anything to see us through. We wander in the dark aimlessly seeking refuge. 1 Corinthians 13:6 “6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”

It’s a tricky thing finding the balance. Most great villains in most movies actually believe what they are doing is the right path. Isaiah 5:20 “20 Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.” The battle between good and evil will continue till the end of days. What side will you choose? Just as there’s the Jedi, and the Sith what side will you choose to be on?

Today is May 4th, National Star Wars Day. As we have loved or I have loved Star Wars for my entire life, I find the fight depicted in Star Wars the draw of the dark side to be accurate to the draw of sin and the lies of the Devil. It’s never easy to always do the right thing. Being human we won’t always make the right choices. What we can do though is fight the pull of the dark side the best we can and fight for the light, fight for justice, fight for love.

My biggest fear has always been that of abandonment. “The fear of loss is a path to the dark side.” (Yoda) I learned the hard way how true this is. When I suffered a great loss it put me in the darkest place I’ve ever been. Only the light of God pulled me from the brink of death.

As faith is defined Hebrews 11:1 “1Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” As stated by Obi-Wan Kanobi “Your eyes can deceive you; don’t trust them.” We know that we have to have faith in what we can feel, faith in the world beyond our own understanding. The inspiration of the persona for this blog is of course the hit TV show Arrow. As Oliver Queen survived a 5 year crucible he constantly struggles against the darkness inside and the light inside. “If the darkness inside outweighs the light, instead of repelling Darhk’s magic, you’ll end up fueling it. You will only make him more powerful.” In order to fight the good fight we must always learn to resist the darkness, and gravitate toward the light. “Do or do not, there is no try.” (Yoda) Felicity Smoak: “You honor the dead by fighting. And you’re not done fighting!” Never stop fighting till the Lord calls you home. It’s worth the fight to live eternal life in perfection.

The Feathers on the Arrow

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

The Feathers on the Arrow

“Fletching: The plastic vanes or feathers on an arrow. Fletching creates wind drag and also can cause the arrow to spin similar to a rifle bullet, providing stability and accuracy in flight. Fletching is made up of three or more vanes or feathers.” Psalm 127:4-5 “4 As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. 5 Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.” What keeps a Christian on the straight and narrow? What keeps a Christian on track? What keeps us accurate in the most adverse situations? Staying in the word, reading the Gospel.

Proverbs 3:6 “In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

 Isaiah 26:7 “The path of the righteous is level; you make level the way of the righteous.”

 We are the arrows of God and our path is kept true because we believe and we follow the word and the teaching of Christ. We can be the black arrow that pierced the heart of Smaug. We can be the arrow fired to split another arrow, a thrown bottle cap, we can be used with pinpoint accuracy if we have faith in our God given abilities to reach others.

There are millions, perhaps billions of lives not saved yet, and we as Christians can help make a dent in that number. We can use the skills God has given to us and we can do this only after we master our fear and our knowledge that we have been saved and we no longer face eternal death.

Fly straight, and be true. Let God’s words be our feathers.

Survivors Guilt

thearrowpreacher2 Comments

Survivors Guilt

It’s been 12 years since the day it happened. 12 years ago the way I perceived time and life, the way I viewed my enemies, and the day I questioned my own self worth all changed. I don’t recall the time of day, or even the day of the week, but in Iraq none of that really matters unless you have a mission briefing, or a start time for the mission. The mission itself was simple, Early morning sunrise our mission started. Due to my injury I was a dismount during the mission. I was moved from my normal truck to dismount for someone else. We where looking for ways insurgents might be smuggling weapons into Ramadi. Our mission was to travel along the railroad tracks, and mark on GPS possible points small cars could fit through, and bypass our checkpoints. My knee killing me, and still slightly swollen I sat in back of the Humvee looking out the window. We where coming up to the railroad tracks, and the dirt cross over when a sinking gut feeling came over me. I’d never had a feeling like this before, but I felt I had to say something. I told my driver to look out for wires. He responded “Are you afraid of IED’S?” My feeling in my gut wouldn’t go away. The mission continued as normal. We went from point to point logging them, and noting them on the GPS. On our way back we stopped at a house to talk to the owner. Waiting outside and keeping watch I could hear the discussion going on at the front door. He had a single AK, but several magazines. According to law he could have 1 rifle, and 2 magazines. He argued they where for alibaba, or thiefs. Regardless, the man was forced to give up the rest of his mags. It was about that time I was looking over toward the railroad tracks. I didn’t know what I was looking at, at the time. I saw the plume of smoke first, and then the sound wave hit me. The biggest boom I’d ever heard, and the biggest bloom of smoke I’d ever seen. In the midst of the black smoke I could see a tan object 200 feet in the air. I refused to believe I saw what I thought I saw. Then our squad leader yelled IED. That’s when I realized what was had happened.

 

                                    NOTE THE FOLLOWING IS VERY GRAFIC

 We all raced back to the truck, and before the doors where shut we where hauling our butts back up to the tracks. We rounded the corner at what seemed like 60 mph. It came over the radio that Saber 4 was the truck hit. Coming up the hill we could see the truck. It looked to be in two pieces. (Out of respect of the families I’ll be keeping their names private.) I jumped out and went to the back of the truck to grab the Aid bag. Running as fast as I could with my knee still swollen, I came to the first person I could see. I recognized the mangled body instantly. A close friend of mine lay there lifeless, pale, and unresponsive. His wounds where extensive, he had massive lacerations on both legs, cuts on his neck and arms. He had a very low pulse, but before starting compressions I wanted to tie off his legs. If he where to survive I knew he’d loose his legs. I tied the tunicate as tight as I could, but it didn’t seem to matter how tight I pulled. The rope just wasn’t getting the job done. I did the best I could with it, and moved on to compressions. I check again for a pulse but this time I felt nothing. I started compressions. I pushed hard over and over. I counted each thrust, and then felt for a pulse again. I felt a low pulse, and waited for a medic. A medic I thought, our medic was in this truck! Where was he? Again feeling for a pulse and there wasn’t one. I needed to keep his heart going. I started compressions again, this time I wouldn’t stop. I pushed and pushed. I don’t know how long I pushed but eventually one of the other medics came up to me, and knelt down next to me. He reached for a pulse and said there wasn’t one. Based on how soft his chest was, and the lack of blood, Doc called him gone KIA, killed in action. I screamed at him that he wasn’t gone, but doc told me I had to let him go. I screamed no at him again, that I felt a pulse. He said something to me again, but I wasn’t listening, I was doing compressions again. Doc grabbed me from behind and pulled me off and held me in his arms. “He’s gone (My Name) .” He said softly in my ear. He held me while I struggled to get free. “(My Name) he’s gone.” He said again. I relaxed my muscles and he let me know. I leaned back to my friend. I closed his eyes, and covered his face with his fractured vest. I stood up in a fog. I looked around for our medic. Where was he? I was still unsure at what all was happening. I asked my squad leader. He was still missing. Looking around I saw a tan object about 40 meters away in the water. I asked if that was him, and was told it was too far. Leaving my rifle behind by my fallen friend I walked the road looking for my missing medic friend. He had to be in the water. He was driving. He was on that side, but wasn’t on the hill. I slid down the side of the hill, and left my vest aside. I slipped into the freezing cold water. Another buddy got in on the other side of the pond and swam to the same tan colored object I saw. I looked at his face when he got there. It told me everything I needed to know. He was gone, but I just didn’t know how bad, or the images that would haunt my dreams. He swam to me to get our friend out of the water. Lifting him out I saw how bad the injuries where. The explosion severed everything from belly button down. By this time several of the guys met us at the top of the hill to help lift our fallen medic out of the water. The side of the hill was mud, and while lifting my footing slipped, and I fell forward. I landed face first on doc’s stomach. Barely holding it together I pushed myself up and after they got Doc up and on the stretcher, a few of the guys went back to the water to look for more remains. I was helped out of water and up the hill. I grabbed my vest, my rifle, and still in a haze made my way back to my truck. I put my vest back on, and stood there looking around with a fog over my head. The captain who looked at my knee just days before was in critical, the only survivor. Our platoon Sergeant was also killed. We mounted up to escort our friend back to camp to get him off on a helicopter to Baghdad. In the 5 minute drive back radio traffic told us Doc didn’t make it. The first physician assistant to be killed during the war in Iraq. By the time we got back the Charlie med we were greeted with two of our great female medic friends. Getting down from the humvee they asked who. I didn’t realize how I said it till it came out of my mouth, but it was cold, and blunt. I couldn’t feel anything, I was still processing. All the medics much like the scouts where close friends. The girls cried, and us guys where angry. My truck commander crabbed me and swore we’d find um and kill um. I nodded in agreement. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to think.

Since then I have found myself replaying that day over in my head from time to time. The days where my anxiety is higher, or something happens to remind myself of worse times. I was then and occasionally now suffer from what’s known as survivor’s guilt. Along with the events of that dreadful day, I have an abundance of other trauma’s and my own run ins with Hell on Earth. I felt guilty for years that my gut was telling me something was wrong that day. Even though I did say something, it didn’t matter though the outcome was the same. 12 years later I still feel guilty and ashamed. I know in my heart there was nothing more I could have done to save anyone, or prevent the tragedy from happening, but my head lies to me. Now I have gone through my own physical traumas and I am faced with a new problem every day. I do hope and pray that one day I might find myself more at peace, not just from my time in Iraq, but times from before, and after.

It’s not easy loosing loved ones to cheating, or other means. The first thing is to evaluate reasonably the level of guilt that is owed to you. No one is innocent when a relationship ends, but to what level is the culpability of guilt. When we look at the Gospel we see a man Crucified that was innocent of any wrongdoing. He died to free us from eternal damnation. His death left us with hope. It is in that hope that I find comfort. No matter how hard my day, no matter how badly I feel I remember that I am a faithful child of the King. I will one day take up my place in the Kingdom and live in peace and harmony. I will not only see my loved ones who’ve died before me, but all my friends from Iraq, not just the 4 from that day, but everyone we lost. I will also see my friends who’ve died over the years. With as many people as I’ve lost close to me you’d think I was in my 60’s or 70’s. Sadly that’s not the case.

There are several lies the Devil tells to us and it’s our job to fight them.

Lie #1 You were supposed to die.

This couldn’t be further from the truth. If it were your time God would have taken you. If you’ve survived it was for a purpose, a greater meaning. We never know what our worth is, and what our part to play is. We may not always be directly responsible for something great, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t have a role to play.

LIE #2: YOU OWE A DEBT TO THE DEAD.

You don’t owe the dead anything. You owe it to yourself and those around you to honor the deads memory. You must continue to live so the memory of your friends or those you couldn’t save can live on in our hearts.

LIE #3: YOU COULD HAVE PREVENTED THE DEAD FROM DYING.

Unless you’re God, which you aren’t, you cannot control if someone lives or dies. Firefighters can’t save everyone. Police can’t save everyone. Paramedics can’t save everyone, and it’s not practical to think we have the power to alter the plan. We may not always know why God takes a little child, or the honor roll student and not the drug dealer, but again the big picture we can’t see. We must have faith in God.

LIE #4: YOU ARE LESS WORTHY THAN THE PEOPLE WHO DIED.

This is just utter nonsense. Feeling down about your own self worth, thinking they were a better man, or woman then you, thinking the world would have been a better place without you and have them instead is just nonsense. Even if we could see into the future, we are all special. We’ve all overcome great odds just to be born. The Lord doesn’t make mistakes. When the world is hard, and we feel low and discouraged, that’s when it’s most important to turn to the Lord and ask for help. Seek Godly counsel from close friends who live for the Lord.

LIE #5: YOU ARE DEFINED BY YOUR PAST.

This is the one I struggle with most. In my past I am worried that telling people of my past they judge me on it. That somehow everything I’ve gone through will one day come back to haunt me. My past is what has molded me to be the man I am. I wouldn’t be here Blogging, or helping others, getting involved with ministry, had it not been for the horrible things that happened. Why was I bullied as a child, why did I move around so much, why did I loose so many friends, why have I lost two loves in my life? The answer is never simple, but it was part of the plan. We must not be our own worst critics in defining our future by our past. Make every day a new day and believe in yourself. It’s hard for others to believe in us if we don’t show ourselves the same amount of respect. Don’t let your past define you future. Put your past behind you, and focus on the good you can pull from it. Focus on the stories the testimony you can offer to those struggling through similar times.

After loosing two loves from my life I often feel similar symptoms to a death in the family. Someday my princess will come into my life. Someday I will find a place to build my castle to call Camelot. Someday I’ll find my peace in this world. Someday the battle will be over and God wiling I will be able to make and have my own family. Patience if seems is my biggest fight. I have faith.

Don’t let go, don’t give up because you may have lived to leave behind a great legacy. Don’t stunt your own growth by living in the past. When you live in the past you miss your present, and destroy your future. We only get one shot at this life, and because of it, we need to have fun. Enjoy life, and God will provide for us the fruits of our labor, and replace the suffering with adulation and love.

 

The Reflecting Pool

thearrowpreacher2 Comments

The Reflecting Pool

In our walk with Christ we should be seen as a Christian by what we say and do. Our actions for Christ should speak loudly as the kind of person we aught to be. When we look into the reflection pool we should see Christ looking back at us. Although the reflection of Christ in us will never be without its ripples, we can try to do the best we can. 1 Corinthians 13:12 “12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” As back in the days the New Testament was written, mirrors weren’t what we think of today. They were polished steel so the reflection was a poor distortion of truth. What Paul was saying in this passage was he is a reflection of Christ, but in no means perfect. Proverbs 27:19 ”As in water face reflects face, So the heart of man reflects man.” Our reflections of Christ will never be perfect, but it’s important to see when someone is going through the motions of Christ, or if they truly live it. As it states in Proverbs, you cannot judge a man by what you see on his face, you must see in their heart the true intentions.

If you are going to be a disciple of Christ, you must learn to show from the heart, and not just on the surface. ‘Don’t try to be a great man. Just be a man, and let history make its own judgments.” Zefram Cochrane It may sound like rhetorical nonsense, but the fact is, great men are often not truly seen for the good they’ve done till after they are gone. Live your life in Christ and try every day to be as close to His reflection as we can get.