Old Ways

Old Ways

They say people don’t ever truly change. They say if there’s any change is superficial and they go back to what they were before. They say only true change occurs at the precipice when there is no other choice but to parish or change. In my life I’ve had friends, I’ve had loved ones that had some bad habits and over time, it seemed they changed and life was good. Sadly though, when a tragedy happens, even a small one, it can trigger a relapse. We all have trouble, and we all have struggles but in those times we must lean on our Christian Brothers and Sisters. We are not bound to this Earth to venture off alone. We are given people to count on, to believe in, to help bare the burdens that are too heavy for us.

 

In our sins it can feel heavy, it can feel overwhelming, but it’s in those times we must dig deep and pull some faith from the reserve tanks. We must grow and though it’s a struggle, we have to grow beyond our sins. It’s not an easy thing, but we must. Vigilance is the key to facing our past. We must remain watchful for the traps laid by the deceiver himself, and in those traps we must keep our attention on the only place that truly matters, and that’s scripture. We must learn scripture, and mold it into our hearts. To do this study is the most important thing we can do. We must realize that the word is the sword against the enemy. The Armor of God Ephesians 6:10-18 lays out the full symbolism of the word, but much like anything else, if you don’t know how to use it, it won’t work for you. You must study, and grow, and have communication with God. Prayer is so important to open your heart to God. We must learn to talk to Abba like a father. We must not fear how we approach God because he knows the content of your heart. You need to trust in Him and have a relationship with Him.

 

How can we stop from going back to our old habits? We must allow ourselves to let the old sinful self burn away. When you turn to God “you gotta burn your old self away!” (Hard Love: Needtobreathe) The song hard love is perfect when it comes to describing the true change. The path of Christ isn’t easy, and we know from scripture the warning comes before the spell. We know that before the blood of Christ washed over the world, we were warned of the hardships and trials that would come to Christians. The promise however of salvation as an end to eternal Hell would come as a cost. We must allow the sinful selves be burned away in the fire of the Holy Spirit and when we are reborn in Christ the old ways should largely be repugnant. Sure there will be days when the old self pokes through, but in those days, pray to Father and find the strength to carry forward. Find a friend in Christ and lean on them to help. Your old habits may creep in from time to time, but as long as you stay focused, as long as you know where your heart is, and you have a support group to keep and hold you accountable, you can avoid returning to your old ways. Be careful though, Satan wants you to stumble and fall back into sin. The Devil wants you to forsake your heart for the fake joys of this world. Galatians 4:8-11“8 Formerly, when you did not know God, you were enslaved to those that by nature are not gods. 9 But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how can you turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world, whose slaves you want to be once more? 10 You observe days and months and seasons and years! 11 I am afraid I may have labored over you in vain.” Paul knew that his brothers had fallen back into old ways and started preaching the Jesus plus one approach. You need Jesus, but you also need to do just one more thing. For many people this thing is whatever pulls on their heart. It’s important to remember that Love God with all your heart, and love your neighbors. Let your old self burn away, and rise from the ashes a phoenix. Reverting back into your old life is making a choice. You choose the person you want to be, but that is of course is assuming you have any will power at all. If you are weak, and foolish, your old habits will come back and you will have failed to learn any kind of lesson thus you will be doomed to repeat it.

Extinguish the Fire

Extinguish the Fire

We always talk about fire both being life saving and life destroying. I know for me, I came to God in pieces, and was healed. I found a God who loved me and forgave me of my sins. I trusted in the Lord and the Lord has led me to a brighter, healthier life. I felt the fire in my heart, and every day I take time to add logs to fuel that fire, to keep it burning bright. Our faith should be a raging fire in our very souls. Our faith should have us on fire for the Lord, and we should be burning with desire to spread and share the Gospel to all we encounter. We sing to praise the Lord. We dance to praise our Lord. We fellowship, and give to praise our Lord, because the God above is a loving God, full of Mercy, and Grace, and Redeeming power. We must continue to add fuel to our fire, we must stay in the word, stay in fellowship as to not let our fire go out. We must be revived every day by the burning love of the Holy Spirit.

Many of us, especially men, especially veterans who live with PTSD, anger, sadness, despair, hopelessness, and so many other emotions are floating around either at the surface, or just beneath the surface hidden from sight. How do we manage to fight feelings when we aren’t sure are even there? We must learn to face our fears, stop allowing our emotions to control us. We must learn to identify our feelings and find ways to manage them. We cannot expect to be without our feelings. They are apart of us, and we need to have them. We mustn’t forget we are people, we can be wounded, and we must understand that it’s in those times we need help in our journey, our Odyssey of healing. Check the facts and question if the facts support your feeling. We must learn to understand why we feel the way we do. We must learn to expect sometimes with PTSD our feelings aren’t justified, so we must learn why and how to change that. We must learn to pray for the peace we seek. We must learn to turn the other cheek and be better at controlling the anger that most of us feel inside. Feelings of inadequacy, guilt, or even self loathing can cause feelings of anger, or the opposite cold and numb. We cannot allow ourselves as heads of our households to be consumed by PTSD. We must learn to rise above and come to grips with the past and chose to no longer allow it to direct your path. You are in control, and you are strong enough to face the wounds and start the healing process. When you are feeling anger we can use distractions, meditations, opposite actions, self-soothing, breathing, and a plethora of other ways that are healthy and effective in changing the nature of the distressing emotion.

Learning skills and putting them into use is never easy. Learning how to reprogram your brain to handle intense emotions more effectively is perhaps one of the hardest things you’ll every challenge yourself to achieve. Therapies such as DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) Or CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy) can be highly effective if the effort is put into use. Like anything else the brain takes repetition to learn, and if done enough correctly, your brain will learn the muscle memory and will slowly begin to alter your perception. Studies also show that a person who has a stronger faith will recover from tragedy much faster then those without. Psalm 93:4“4 Mightier than the thunders of many waters, mightier than the waves of the sea, the Lord on high is mighty!”The Lord is power, and with great power, the Lord is merciful and loving. We are loved and by grace we are saved. In our journey to find emotional enlightenment, and peace, I would recommend understanding that this journey is a difficult one, and once you learn the tools, putting them to use is the key. Just like a newborn in your faith, it takes time and energy. Proverbs 9:10“10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” Start the journey and stay on track. You’ll have your moments where you get off the rails, but that’s to be expected. Find brothers and sisters in Christ and ask them to help you on your journey, and to help keep you accountable. We have the ability to let go of some of our emotional baggage, so we need to learn how to drop that weight. Focus on the good and positive things even in the midst of crisis. Never forget that it’s okay to fail as long as you learn, and it’s okay to fall as long as you get back up. Put out the fire of the anger and hate in your heart, and replace it with the burning fire of the Holy Spirit. Find your inner peace by opening your heart and mind to the Lord. Find peace in the love that was shed for all of us in life, overcoming death. Be deliberate in your feelings, and loving others as we are also loved. God bless.

 

 

Circle the Flame

Circle the flame

Sometimes we get caught in our own prisons. We are drawn to the pain when that’s all we know anymore. We circle it like a moth to a flam. Unable to pull away but we either need to pull back or we get burnt.

When we spend so much time in struggles sometimes the struggle is all we know. I’ve seen it in soldiers who go back over and over again to war. The old phrase goes a war junkie. Sadly that expression isn’t far from the truth. It’s not war you fall in love with, it’s the feeling of purpose, it’s the feeling of being needed, and it’s the adrenalin high you get during your missions you eventually get addicted too. Many soldiers when they return find themselves idle and unsure of what to do with themselves. They feel like something is missing in their life and they seek the excitement of their lives, the brotherhood that’s now long gone. Many people find themselves getting into extreme sports when they return. Sports like speed racing, skydiving, bunji jumping, rock climbing, anything they can find to get that euphoria that adrenalin makes you feel.

There’s also a sense of belonging that subsides when you are away from your brothers and sisters. A connection with people that once you are out of the military is surprisingly hard to come by. As for myself, I’ve searched for many years now to find a new group of friends to replace the military family I once had, and instead all I’ve received is isolation. Making new friends isn’t easy anymore. Finding common ground with people isn’t easy, and sometimes it takes a long while to build a connection.

There’s a line from my favorite show Arrow “Sooner or later, we all go through a crucible. I’m guessing yours was that island. Most believe there are two types of people who go into a crucible. The ones who become stronger from the experience and survive it, and the ones who die. But there’s a third type. The ones who learn to love the fire and choose to stay in their crucible because it’s easier to embrace the pain when it’s all you know anymore.” (Sabastian Blood) I myself have always found it hard to relate to others after my time in the service. Though the missions were hell, and there were days I hated life, it seemed strange to return to life when I no longer recognized that life.

We in the military spend so much time training to be someone else, something else, but when it comes time to returning to civilian life it’s only a matter of days from soldier to civilian. Learning how to be a civilian again for some happens quickly, for others never at all. Sadly for many veterans the return to civilian life is so traumatic it eventually ends with suicide. Christmas time is hard on veterans. So many are suffering with loss, with PTSD, with homelessness, and while many of us are enjoying our morning of trees, music, gifts, and warmth, many veterans are just trying to find their one meal for the day and a warm place to lay their head. A matter of perspective to know that while we should enjoy our time away from the fire, there are some who are still in the flames.

We cannot circle the flames forever. At some point we need to break free and move forward. We don’t want to get caught in the burning flames so we need to find a way out. We cannot stay in the crucible forever and we need to learn to focus ourselves better. God expects us to fight the fight, and also expects us to love and give. As man it’s hard to juggle sometimes, so we must turn to the words God left for us to find our course. Romans 13:4 “For he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer.” We must fight when we must fight, but when it’s time for peace we must learn to also be the peacemaker. We must love all the time, and be just. When we find ourselves focusing on what God wants us to do, we will find we can be far more adaptable. Listen to the voice of truth and find your path.

If you’re a veteran and your circling the fire and you cant seem to break free, find help. Don’t try to do it alone. It’s a dangerous game staying in your crucible forever; instead find your escape back into life. Let yourself live, and let yourself love again. There is life after war, there is life after tragedy. For families who’ve lost their loved ones, for wives who’ve lost their husbands, for kids who’ve lost their parents, life will move on. Don’t let the tragedies you’ve suffered been in vain, instead use it to help others, find a way to share your story, and inspire others to persevere and move forward. Tomorrow will come if we are ready or not. Embrace it, and never forget tomorrow God’s still on the throne.

 

I SIT ALONE

I SIT ALONE

I sit alone, so alone, the pain inside aches and pains that make taking a breath sometimes the most difficult thing I do. I never know what my tomorrow brings because everything I had and everything I knew was pulled away, ripped from me in the most violent way. No pain so emotional has ever hurt so bad, has ever crippled me, but this pain brought me to my knees.

Why I cried out, why me, why again? The past has a hold of me and I just can’t quite let it go. Is it the thought of loosing the woman I loved, or is it being alone? Is it that it didn’t happen once but twice? I don’t truly know what the answer is for myself.

I have done everything I can with what I’ve have at my disposal. The experts say there are a few things that have to happen to allow healing to happen naturally, and in a healthy way. Since then, I haven’t yet found my footing on my path to a new me. A new me, I don’t even know what that truly means. As I’ve struggled to look within to find the man I want to be I haven’t been able to figure that out because I don’t know who I am anymore. The last year of my life has put into question every notion I had about the world and my place in it. I haven’t been able to make headway in moving forward with my life and perhaps that’s the reason I feel like I’m moving in slow motion, I feel like I’m not just moving in slow mo, but I in quicksand. The realistic point of view is things just haven’t worked out yet. The man I am to become is still a work in progress.

While I truly don’t know what my future holds, or what I’m supposed to do, or the life I’m to live, I have to believe that God has a plan for me. A plan to succeed not to fail, not to fall. When someone you love hurts you in that way it can make you question everything about yourself. The darkness can be overwhelming but at some point you must learn to let it go. We must let ourselves heal, and to do that we must tell ourselves we are worth more then our failures. We are worth more then the sum of those who have hurt and abandoned us. We are worth more then the way we have been treated. We can be treated like garbage and thrown away like a beat up used toy. While divorce can cause a whole hurricane of negative feelings, all sorts of traumas happen to people that can cause all sorts of problems. And while I’ve spent a lifetime fighting the fight, I know that sometimes we just need to rest.

We can’t be angry all the time. At some point we have to let go of what fuels our fire and allow the healing to begin. No matter the time that goes by, the ability to start healing, to start letting go is always a possibility. While the pain, the loneliness, the hopelessness, the guilt and fear rage on in our heads like a CD stuck on repeat, we must somehow learn to break the cycle. We all need someone to help us bare that cross when it’s too heavy. We all need someone in our lives to help us along the way.

While I sit alone I wonder where I go from here. While I sit alone I question my place in this world. While I sit alone I miss so much in life. While I sit alone I miss the comforts of companionship. It’s almost like a drug, you have it for so long and it’s gone all of a sudden, gone in the blink of an eye. How could someone you care for, care for you, and betray you like the years prior didn’t matter at all. The truth is, the answers as much as I’ve wanted them done matter. The why isn’t going to change the past, and no matter how hard we may want to, the inevitable realization, life still continues. While I may be alone in my walk without someone, I know that God, my God is with me always. While I can only see a small baby step ahead of me, the future is still left wide open. God will help guide me on my way, and one can only hope that when the time is right, I won’t be alone anymore. That I may be gifted with the family I’ve tried so hard for, only to have them ripped away from me. I’ve never in my life been more disappointed by my loved ones, and as this lesson has been a difficult one to learn, I have learned that even those in our lives we look up too, even then, they can turn out to be someone completely different, someone we don’t recognize. While people come and go out of our life for better or worse we must learn that as there’s a season for everything and we must learn to accept that. If someone value’s you, you will be a priority to them, and if you have someone important to you, you can’t take that for granted. I’ve been close to death a few times and if I’ve learned anything in all that time it’s life is short, and we must value the gift of time we have, and cherish the people you love. We never know when that time may run out.

Kobayashi Maru

Kobayashi Maru

The Kobayashi Maru is a training program for cadets in the Star Trek Universe during the time of Kirk, Spock, and McCoy. The exercise in the words of Spock “The purpose is to experience fear, fear in the face of certain death, to accept that fear, and maintain control of oneself and one’s crew. This is the quality expected in every Starfleet captain.” The test at the heart is a no win scenario. The program adapts to every action and counter action leaving their no hope to save the ship, or your own. Thankfully when it comes to our souls we don’t have to worry about that, our eternal souls are safe and sound, as long as we play nice with others, and play by the rules.

Once we were a lost people, scattered, wandering aimlessly through life. Waiting for the day we would be free and united. This is of course what the people felt about 2000 years ago. When Jesus comes into the picture the people of the world couldn’t and didn’t understand the true nature of His presence, or power. Being a cleansed, innocent, sacrificial lamb He took the place of our sins and freed us from our eternal chains of bondage. I hear it all the time people say, “I just can’t win.” But the truth is, we already have. We’ve been given by the Grace of God the power to overcome those chains and we can if we choose rise up and be with our Father when the time is right. The problems we face are that of the world, but the world cannot take what has been given to us freely, not that we’ve earned it, nor do we deserve it.

As I was watching the season finale of Arrow (Spoiler Alert) Oliver decides not to kill Adrian Chase. He decided not to be a killer and find a better way. Earlier in the seasons Oliver would kill when he felt it was absolutely necessary and would deal with the consequences. By the end of Season 5 that notion was starting to go away and we see him start to change. Even when it seemed the Green Arrow was in a no win situation after working the problem he found another way.

Life sometimes feels like a never-ending battle to just stay afloat. We often say we had no other choice, and the truth is that’s probably not true. There are probably other options just ones we haven’t thought about.

 Luke 20:22-23 Is it lawful for us to give tribute to Caesar, or not?” 23 But he perceived their craftiness, and said to them,” This the chief priests believed to be the answer to their prayers, finally a way to trap Jesus in his own version of the Kobayashi Maru. If Jesus says simply yes, the Jewish people who resent being under Roman law could turn on him. If Jesus says No the governor would be notified, and he would be accused of sedition and rebellion. Instead of answering the way the priests thought he would, Jesus answered in a way that beat their no win scenario they cleverly crafted. Luke 20:24-25 “Show me a denarius.[b] Whose likeness and inscription does it have?” They said, “Caesar’s.” 25 He said to them, “Then render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” The crowds were in aww hearing Jesus actually admit to give to Caesars what was his. This won both sides of the fence, all except the high priests of course.

You can’t always be politically correct in today’s world. Sometime in the future you will say something that will offend someone else. It doesn’t matter how careful you are, or how Godly you perceive yourself to be, the nature of being a Christian is enough to offend some. The point is to not walk on eggshells every day, it’s to make sure you are loving one another, and being there to help others, not to drag down. “Some men just like to watch the world burn.” Alfred This being the case all we can do is make sure we are living in the waters of Christ and have faith that our path be made clear by the Lord. You may be placed in horrible positions of choice in your lives, but the key to success is to think about what God would have you do in each tough situation. Since we never walk alone there’s always another way.

Just as Cadet Kirk reprogrammed the test to make it winnable, Christ changed the rules to explain his viewpoint on the priests so called laws. By the nature of Christ’s death the rules were changed. Paying the bill for us so we could get into the long awaited club of heaven we now have the golden ticket, the washing of our sins and the everlasting love that so long as we follow Christ whole-heartedly we too shall enter the eternal paradise.

In our walk with Christ we will be put to the test, we may walk through the fire, we may have to endure many hardships, but remember when you follow Christ the old self dies. The stripping away of everything you’re not and leaving behind what you truly are. Have faith in that walk, and have faith that whatever you may be going through there’s a reason. Believe in those reasons and embrace them, think of them as a puzzle and an adventure to solve and make it through. As a man I love swords, I love a great many things about swords, but I realize to truly make a sword it needs to be heated, pounded, cooled, and repeating that process over and over the sword begins to take shape. Today’s test forge us for tomorrows battles.

 

 

From the Ashes

From the Ashes

 Even through the most gut wrenching tragedies we can find comfort in the ashes that are left behind. If a house burns to the ground, as long as the foundation is solid you can rebuild. I’m by no means saying this is an easy or short process, but nothing in this life worth having is easy to get.

In loosing your house the things inside may not all be replaceable, but the true meaning is that which you hold in your heart. Its just stuff, and that stuff can be replaced. The important thing is you have your life. The same goes when a relationship figuratively burns to the ground. We must realize that from those ashes new beginnings, a new stronger, better relationship awaits us. As we all want comfort in this world, we all want to feel loved, the comfort of another person cannot come first. Our first relationship must be, and always be Jesus.

Jesus is the one relationship we must have. Jesus must come first and the rest will fallow. Fallow faithfully and God will not let you down. The people on Earth may, things may not always go the way you want it, but if you lift your heart, and let heaven rule over you, that foundation will not be cracked or broken in anyway.

God’s alive in our hearts, and shows us his power every day. As David wrote Psalm 23 23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”

 No matter the trials we face, or the hurt we survive, we must always rise out of the ashes from our lives stronger, more beautiful and better then before. Sometimes the best survival stories are those that the heart is all we have left. With our heart centered on God we can overcome anything. Just as Job’s life was destroyed, everything he held most dear, everything he loved was taken from him. Job 42:6 “Wherefore I abhor [myself], and repent in dust and ashes.” Within scripture there is one story after another but things working out, happening right when it’s supposed to. People are right where they need to be when they need to be there. Look in Esther, she was in the right place at the right time to save her people to help her Uncle unveil a treacherous plot.

Ephesians 2:8 “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,” In this it’s Gods time and grace that saves us. When hope is gone, when flesh has failed, when love is lost, when death is all around you, when fear fills your lungs and every breath.

As I stated earlier Psalm 23:3-4He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” Do not be afraid of the fire. Do not be afraid of the ashes. Embrace the fire, and rise above. Climb up through the filth and survive and thrive. Make new what was once lost. Rebuild better, rebuild the way you want your life. If you are living with God by your side, being the person God wants, the future holds endless possibilities.

Sword forged in fire

Sword forged in fire

When a sword is made in the traditional sense it is placed in fire, pounded, shaped, heated, cooled, pounded on more. It’s no surprise that scripture teaches us how our faith is tempered. Just as the sword it placed in fire and pounded, our faith is also tested in a similar fashion. James 1:2-4 “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” When life is hard, when spiritual warfare is well underway, those of faith are tested on the spiritual battlefield. We don’t always know why bad things happen, we don’t always know why our lives can go from what seems like long stretches of happiness to spin out of control to chaos. Isaiah 48:10 “Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.” When King David was a young boy he made a name for himself by killing Goliath with nothing but a sling. David would spend the next 20 years running for his life, fighting for it, his faith being tested over and over. Just as David would have to trust in God, believe God’s intentions would always be in the promise that was made to David to be King. The number of times the testing of faith is mentioned in scripture is many. Deuteronomy 8:2-5 “You shall remember all the way which the LORD your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. “He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD. “Your clothing did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years.” It’s easy to say you have faith when life is love and roses. When you’re all alone and it seems like tomorrow will never come. When life has you at your lowest, when depression and pain is all you feel, that’s when your faith, when God will peer into your heart and see what’s truly there. 2 Corinthians 11 Paul describes being beaten, shipwrecked, threatened, on the run from those who meant to kill him, and yet while Paul was facing execution during his imprisonment he wrote some of the most influential letters in the Bible. His faith was tested to the max. Job lost everything he held most dear and he survived knowing that God loved him. Gods grace, mercy, and love are all some people have. Through the fire we are forged. Never forget no matter how bad it seems, through the Lord all things are possible and all wounds can be healed. Learn to trust in the Lord and let go of the pain and hate that fill your heart.