Divorce:
Divorce is something that’s found pretty often in our society now. Divorce affects more then 50% of all marriages, and that is either a lot of happy people celebrating the breaking of those bonds, or the flip side, the broken hearted who are trying to pick up the pieces of what’s left behind. When you put everything you have into fixing the hole in the ship, and no matter what you’ve tried to do, you realize it’s going to sink no matter what, the despair that fills your heart is sometimes more then you feel you can take. I spent the better part of the last two years trying to keep from facing the day I’d stand in front of a judge and hear those four words, ‘Judgment of Divorce Granted” No amount of time in the world can prepare you for the sinking feeling that takes over deep down in your stomach. I have tried to detach myself from any feeling, but I’m just not built that way. I have always given people second, third, and more chances after they’ve screwed up. I have always been the type of person to let people take advantage to a point because I felt I might eventually get through. All that time I’ve spent trying to fix my marriage, and to watch it still end this way, it’s hard not to feel the whispers of failure creeping in. Matthew 5:32“But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” From this point on, I will be judged by everyone I encounter as a twice-divorced man. I am the survivor of two separate affairs and sadly I will be judged negatively by most as if I were the cause of the affairs.
In the months since my separation I have been blamed by strangers who never knew me nor my situation. It’s not easy having to tell anyone I’ve been married twice, and waiting for their response, which often sounds of surprise, and wondering if they should be talking to me anymore. Some people are polite, and others aren’t. I have walked this path before, but this time has been different. This time it’s been harder, and the recovery hasn’t been as easy. In life though, I would submit, nothing worthwhile is easy. It may take time, even years, but some day, the broken will rise up and sing Hallelujah and be free from the pain that once chained them to sorrow. No matter how long it takes we must never give up hope, and we must never forsake our relationship with God. We must never rise to God in anger at the sinful choices of man or women. We have free will and people fall to sin. It happens even if we wish it didn’t. All we can do is pick ourselves up after a time to grieve and learn to stand all over again.
Tell Your Heart to Beat Again: By, Danny Gokey
You’re shattered
Like you’ve never been before
The life you knew
In a thousand pieces on the floor
And words fall short in times like these
When this world drives you to your knees
You think you’re never gonna get back
To the you that used to be
Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday’s a closing door
You don’t live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again
I can’t undersell this song when you find yourself feeling heart broken. This song brings the feeling to life. Everything for your good, is referring to God. In every situation we find ourselves, God is working it out so we will be all right in the end. Proverbs 28:20 “A faithful man will abound with blessings, but whoever hastens to be rich will not go unpunished.”This isn’t just referring to monetary wealth, but riches referring to any objects of our affection. Don’t take shortcuts because we will never truly appreciate what we have if we cheat our way to the top. We must remain strong in the storm. We must stand our ground when the Devil pushes us. We must remain vigilant as the serpent slithers all around us in the shadows. We must remain true to who we are and if we are a follower of Christ, then that truth is the light we stand on. Make sure that whatever you’re going through you try to maintain who you are in Christ.
Lean on your friends and family in your time in need. Take time to digest what’s happened, and prepare yourself for the battles ahead. There will be days that hurt like you wouldn’t believe, and then days you feel on top of the world, free as an eagle. The journey can be turbulent so prepare for it. Find yourself ways to keep occupied. Sitting at home sulking will only delay your healing and it’s not good for you. You may want to take a couple days, and that’s fine, but much more then that, and you will find yourself sinking into depression. Get out, stay active, and talk about it. Don’t be afraid to get out your anger, frustrations, sadness, and hurt. Find friends who will allow you to express yourself, and your feelings, because we have them for a reason. I don’t tell you all this as a cookie cutter self help aid, I say it from experience. I didn’t have the means to go out much after my ex-wife left, and I sat in the house for months alone, sulking in my own sorrow. It stunted my healing process, and the struggle to get better was very real.
Find new hobbies, things you like to do, that make you feel good about yourself. Often when you are the one being divorced it’s hard. You will question yourself and ask what you did wrong, why would they leave you, if you’re a good person, if you’re attractive enough, all kinds of questions and doubts will flood your mind but you have to realize Satan lies, and those feelings are lies. One person’s sinful action does not, and never will determine who you are. You are the child of a King and you are royalty to Heaven. You must find people who will help lift you up, remind you, who you are, and most importantly, you will need to remind yourself who you are. You can overcome those negative feelings slowly at a time, but you cannot do that if you sit around and push everyone away. You need people in your life because it’s in our fellow Christians we will find counsel and comfort in when going through these hard times. Allow others to help you carry your burden, and one day you will pay it forward for someone else.
Don’t give up hope, because even though the journey seems long, and hard, and it will be painful for a large portion of your struggle, the day will come you will realize it doesn’t quite hurt so bad anymore. Keep up moving every day, and let every sunrise be a new day pushing out the path from the day before. We cannot choose how anyone else acts or behaves, but we can choose how we deal with it. We choose what to feed our brains with, and we choose the type of person we want to be. Never give up on yourself because God will never give up on you. Keep pushing forward and always remember God first, everyone else second. Work on your relationship with God. Study scripture in your times of troubles. Look up the story of Job, the story of Jeremiah, and even the early story of David. Each of these individuals had challenges, and struggles, and in their individual ways, they found how to receive the blessings from God. Remaining faithful and trusting in the Lord is the best thing you can do. It won’t be easy, but every day will be the best attempt you can give. Don’t loose sight of the end, and never feel you are a failure. We all fall, but the true measure of a person is how you get back up. Always get back up and keep marching on. Don’t allow your strength to fail, and certainly don’t turn away from God. Know your enemy and it isn’t the Lord. Remember in all times people are sinners and will eventually let you down. Pray for them, and don’t stop loving them. As for me, my ex made some awful hurtful decisions, but I refuse to hold a grudge. Apologies have been said, and olive branches extended. Love concures hate every time. Living in peace and love is a choice. Krystal may no longer be my wife, but never will I give up on someone who made such an impact in my life. Forgiveness isn’t a suggestion, and if we can live in peace, we should. Be big enough to pray for those who hurt you, and help by always being a light in the darkness.
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The Arrow Preacher 