Tag: Feelings

A Miracle for my Heart

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A Miracle for my Heart

It’s been so long now, and while I feel beaten, I feel bloody, I feel broken, I know that you still want me my Lord. I know that while in this life my body may fail, my heart may be broken, and the scars I have may not make me attractive to others, but to you, I am beautiful. I trust in you my God to use me how I am. I trust in you that you want me for the man I am, and if I am obedient, if I am faithful to you, you will bless me when my day comes.

My God, it’s been so long now and I feel lost some days. I feel as if I am trapped in a dark room unable to find my way out. I sing praises to you my Holy King of all Kings. I know that the sun dawns every day, the darkness falls, and I am still here on this earth breathing. I trust in you and trust there is just cause for my unanswered prayers. You’re rich in love my Lord, and I must remember to trust no in my own understanding, but to trust in you alone. While I feel like I am walking in the shadows, I know I have walked in the valley of death, and here I stand. I have lain in green pastures, which you have blessed and allowed my life, my love the flourish. I have seen so much death, and yet lived so little.

The darkness tries to lie to me. It tries to cheat me, and promise me so much, but I know the truth. It’s been so long since I felt the light, and I fear I’ve forgotten the warm of love. The path seems so dark and with the fog of war covering my eyes, I close them to trust in you my Lord. I know that my decisions of old haunt me. All I can say is I know my Sins are forgiven, and I’ve been set free from the mistakes of yesterday. I’ve been stuck and I pray to be set free. I don’t want to go back, I don’t want to be in the purgatory of my own mind. I trust in you my Lord, and let this new upcoming year be something special. I pray to put this behind me and move forward, new, washed clean, and unburdened.

I know I’m not strong enough to be everything I need to be. I know that I am nothing without you my Lord because I’m weak on my own. I know that through Christ I can do all things. I don’t have to be alone in this world and I pray you my Lord would see it fit to end that period in my life. I pray you give me the guidance to better my life, to find a better purpose. I don’t know what else I can do, but I know you have the power to change things for me. My God my God, please change my life.

The Cold Chill

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The Cold Chill

The weather outside is frightful, the cold frigged air has settled in, and the heavy coats and hats have come out of storage. The high today is less then 30*, the low is around 10*. What if the weather isn’t the only thing cold these days?

Have you ever felt as if you were getting the cold shoulder from someone? What about God, have you ever felt you’ve been getting the cold shoulder from God? We will look at scripture and deal with the cold shoulders from friends.

When God is silent there is a reason. In some situations God will allow us to run the course we’ve set. He will give us the chance to come back to Him on our own, and of our own free will. Isaiah 57:11 “Of whom were you worried and fearful When you lied, and did not remember Me Nor give Me a thought? Was I not silent even for a long time So you do not fear Me? When we sin and we sin often with no repercussions we become complacent to the words of the Lord. We fear nothing, and we fear no one. The problem is “The bill comes due… Always.” (Dr. Strange) No matter how long we keep the tab open, eventually we need to close out. God will allow us to rack up the tab without interference. Psalm 50:21 “These things you have done, and I have been silent; you thought that I[c] was one like yourself. But now I rebuke you and lay the charge before you.”

God even silent is always with us. God will never forsake you, and he will never abandon you. God is not like man, whereas man will leave you, forsake you, lie to you, cheat you, and hurt you, God will always love you. No matter what you may be going through, if it’s of your own doing, or someone else’s, God is always with you. It may be hard to stomach when friends fail you. It’s hard to know that maybe your friends don’t reciprocate the same feelings. It’s hard to realize you may feel more strongly about your friends then they do towards you. You won’t always feel the same about people that they do you. Our lives may lead us to feel more deeply for our friendships for one reason or another. Yes it is hard when you go day after day and your friends don’t reach out to you. It’s hard to be on your own. It’s hard to feel like you have no one to turn to, to spend time with, but know that while that may be the case, God is always with you.

You may be alone on this world today, but we never know what we will have tomorrow. It’s not easy to live feeling alone. Loneliness is a dangerous feeling. These feelings can spawn questions of your hope, but you need to resist the lies of the deceiver. When you’re feeling alone, and feeling down, you need to ask God for guidance. You need to get up and get out, finding your new place in this world. The struggles we face may be hard in the moment, but we have to keep pushing forward.

 

A Journey In The Darkness

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A Journey in the darkness

Psalm 91:4 “He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.”

The joys of this life can be easily snuffed out in the mists of dark days, of struggles, and of heartbreak. When the days get you down you have to be strong. It’s so easy to fall into darkness and despair. I’ve seen it happen in my own life, and in the lives of many that I know. Despair is a dangerous and sometimes deadly trap. Despair can easily turn into quicksand and drag you down, and must like the Dementors in the famed Harry Potter books, it can suck the happiness right out of your lungs and make you feel like you’ll never be happy again. One thing in my own life I’ve found is how fickle some friends can be. Since my gun shot wound a year ago I’ve found more and more friends are fickle and come around only when they want something, or they are bored and know you’ll be there as a last resort.

While there’s no doubt that this hurts, and I know I can’t be the only person that goes through this, what hurts the most is the exodus that’s occurred. While I realize that bullet changed my life, and while I am responsible, the feeling of loss from the mass abandonment that was left behind is heart breaking. Now over a year later, I’ve had another exodus from obvious different causes, but never the less the pain is the same. This presents a new kind of struggle, and yet again staring at the brink of darkness, and once more unto the breach. The war continues and as there is a great sense of loss, I am left with one undeniable fact, that I am not alone. Though the case may be that while physically and emotionally I am or feel alone, God is always there with me. While this doesn’t take away the desire and drive to meet someone special, or want to make new local friends, it does prevent me from falling into complete and total despair.

I know at the end of the day when I’m feeling down and I’m feeling blue, I know that my future is much brighter then it appears because I know that my Abba is looking out over me. I swore no matter how bad it got I would never stair down the wrong side of that circumstance again, and that I would be an advocate for finding another way. There is always hope as long as we breath, and while I am lonely, while my Christmas wish is to find love, and to not being alone anymore, and to make some good local friends, I know that God is with me and in time, those things will be mine, because it’s what my deepest desire is from my heart. I may not always makes the right choices, but I try to.

If you’re feeling despair this season reach out, find someone. If you’re happy as can be this holiday season, reach out to your friends or family that are having a hard time. Don’t forget this is both the happiest time of year, and often the saddest. Faith is so important, and even when it’s sometimes hard, don’t loose hope, and never give up. Don’t ever forget that you can be protected under Angels wings, and your God, the King of all is powerful enough to handle any situation, every tear, every cut, you aren’t suffering through it alone. God is not just watching, God experiences it all with us. Rest assure you will make it out, and one day you will make it home, a home of pure perfection.