What Do You See?
My God I sit here on my bed tonight and I ask what do you see in me? You’ve given me so much, and yet the flesh of this body betrays me. The scars that burn inside and out with regret and self-pity. The scars that burn as a reminder of what I’ve lost, where I’ve been, and hopefully where I’m going. Weeks like this week when the Devil’s been on the attack, wearing me down, I look to you my Lord, my Father, and I pray because I know I can’t do it on my own. The dark side of me has come bubbling up from the deep dark crevices in which it slumbers. I would go so far as to call it self pity, but days like today I feel the struggle longing for that special someone to spend time with. I know You are preparing me for something great, and I know my path is perfect for your plan, but today I feel my strength is not where I know it should be. Psalm 91:4“4 He shall cover you with His feathers, And under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and [a]buckler.” I look to the sky and pray your grace be sufficient for me. 2 Corinthians 12:9“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
I sit here and write what’s on my heart, and I wonder what it is you see in me. I wonder why this message has been laid on my heart. I wonder if someone else feels the way I do tonight. I know it’s wrong, but I envy much, and I ask for forgiveness of my sin. I see so many with smiles and loved ones on their arm. I see so many posting and planning for new babies. It feels so unfair that I’ve tried so long and here I’m made to wait. It feels like you’ve gone away but I know that’s not true. I can’t see the purpose but I have faith in you, and not in my own sight. I reach to the sky and call out your name, and I ask please show me a sign.
I know that in this life we have our ups and downs, and we just have to ride the roller coaster and trust we know where you’re leading our train. This week I feel as if I were taken down back behind the woodshed and received a beating. One thing I’ve learned is you can only go so far down before the ride goes back up. And when I get a beating like this it means I’m doing something right for the glory of the Father. I can only sit and ride out the rough patch, but have faith. It’s a fool who only celebrates the good times. It’s a fool who only wants to hear ‘positive vibes’. We do not live our life in a bubble. We do not live our lives in hibernation during the rainy season of our lives. What we need to do is train our minds to see how our struggles can be turned into blessings. While this is far from easy, we are told not to worry about tomorrow. We are told in scripture to focus on today, the here and now. So, in light of what scripture tells me, I shall leave you with this short message. Go out there and feel the grass. Hug your children, kiss your significant other, and enjoy the day. Go forth today no matter what your situation is and find a few things you can be thankful for. Thank God for answered prayers, and also those that have been turned down, and those yet unanswered. Have faith, and never give up hope on our Father.
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The Arrow Preacher 