Tag: fear

Don’t Give Into Fear

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Don’t Give Into Fear

It’s easy to walk away, or run away from something that frightens us. We all speak of fear especially in terms of the obvious, heights, spiders, enclosed spaces, etc, but the fear I want to talk about is something deeper, much more important then trivial fears. When we are afraid of failing, afraid of death, afraid of what people think about us, afraid to face our very own mistakes, especially when those mistakes fill us with guilt, remorse, and shame. We may be afraid to act because of the fear we may fail, or we may be afraid to act because we might be afraid of doing more damage then we already have.

When we hurt someone by our actions badly and we are still in their lives we may often feel our mistake was so bad the only way to make it right is to run away, leave as fast as we can, and never look back. That person is better off without us because how can they ever look at me, or love me again? The truth is, as legitimate as this fear is, it often blinds us from the truth that stands in front of us staring us down like a cobra ready to strike. When we spiral downward we often can’t see what truth is any longer because truth is blurred by our own skewed perspective. It’s important that we have faith and trust in our Godly guidance, those in our lives who follow Christ, and want only what’s best in our life.

As difficult as it can be to follow Godly counsel it’s even tougher when our desires are not what the advice is we get. We as people often lash out at those around us trying to give us Godly Christian advice. We put self before God more often then not, and in doing so our spiral often gets more muddied, and we fall farther down the seemingly inescapable rabbit hole.

I often think of truth this way. In the Matrix Neo is given the choice to take the Red, or the Blue pill. The Red pill allows you to continue on with the journey to discover the truth about The Matrix, and more. The Blue pill you wake up in your bed and forget about all of The Matrix stuff. The thing with truth is we don’t always accept it for face value. When Neo woke up and he was finally shown, his first reaction was, “I don’t believe it,” and “I want out.” Even though he spent most of his life searching for the truth, when faced with it, his mind had a hard time letting go. Isn’t our faith in Christ the same? We may believe that the Lord and Savior, the God who created the vastness of our universe, the heavens, and the earth, and plays a part in every single one of our lives, and yet, when we struggle with life’s little problems, or even the big ones, we often can’t possibly see a way out. We don’t see a solution so we make up one ourselves. We don’t put the trust in God to help us figure it out. We allow fear to dictate terms in our lives, and we can’t seem to reconcile that life is only in part chance, and mostly guiding stars to follow. People are the wild card. As people we have free will and that free will can change the plan, alter the plan, and sometimes throws the plan off the rails, but no matter the course we find ourselves on, whether it’s of our own doing, or that of someone else, God, and this is the important part, God is always with us, walking side by side, deep in the trench warfare, taking the punches, right along side us. God will always be with us, and when we need God He will always be there for us, helping us. The thing about fear is it’s easier to be afraid, then to have the kind of faith to step out of that boat in the storm. It’s easy to be afraid of the details when you’re moving across country with little to no plan. It’s easy to give into fear when you’ve made a mistake and you can’t see a way back. To have faith, and to truly live by the Word, and trust is God, is to believe that God is apart of even the smallest of details, and we only need to search The Book, for the answers. If we’re like Alice tumbling down the rabbit hole, maybe we should just follow the white rabbit, Jesus is our white rabbit.

No matter what your question is, the Bible will have the answers you seek, you just need to open it and read. I believe that’s the challenge to be placed on all of you. How often do you pray before making a choice? How often do you listen to God before deciding on a course of action, or what to say? No matter the conundrum you find yourself in, the path is always Jesus.

The Improvised

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The improvised 
Sitting here in the ER alone as I’ve sent mom home to rest, gather supplies, and get ready for the long day, I find myself pondering what I guess most people ponder when looking at a life altering surgery. Who are my loved ones, who cares who doesn’t? Is my Will complete and dang did I leave the stove on? I am reminded of so many one liners but I’ll spare all of you the boring repartee and just know that I haven’t forgotten about my avid readers. I may be out for the day, but as long as I have a phone I’ll still work my guru magic and post something. 
While I was here I was able to doodle a little something and while it’s not finished because as you’ll all see I’m no artist, I haven’t lost sight of my goal. I will continue to work on my ministries and with Gods grace continue to touch lives. So as I get ready for what looks so far to be surgery, back surgery it is. While the surgeons are deliberating and I’m going on almost 24 hours awake, I’m reminded of some bible verses. 
1 Peter 1:6-7 “6 Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: 7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:”
Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.”
We may have setback and we may have plans that go off the rails but even in the darkest of days the brightest of flowers may still bloom. 

The Need for Validation

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The Need for Validation

My biggest fear is that of abandonment, being left behind and forgotten as if I weren’t important. My biggest failing is my need for validation: “recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile.” Throughout my life I’ve struggled with this as one event after another have left me in a state of perpetual question of my importance. There is a valid reason a validation of my fear of abandonment, and those facts aren’t in dispute. Overcoming that fear now that it’s been realized in the most horrible way is a priority, however even as something can be important, that doesn’t mean the fix is easy. It takes time to rewrite a lifetime of software. Validation however is different. The validation of my feelings, expecting the worst outcome to be the most likely within particular situations, and example would be the following: I send a text message and someone doesn’t get back to me. I can see they’ve read it, or I call them and it goes to voicemail. Hours go by and no response, then a day, or more goes by without receiving a single hint of communication. My first thought is what did I do to upset them. Then it’s, I’m not important enough for them to take the time to send me a message. Then it ends with they don’t’ care about me at all. This escalation happens almost every time in my head and believe me, it’s not a pleasant place to be.

I realize people have lives and I also realize those lives don’t revolve around me. I realize life happens and sometimes you just can’t. Though perhaps it’s my priority that my friends are of my highest priority I spend a great deal of time responding to and sending texts and messages to those who do contact me. I would say that this fear is a learned behavior.

Psychology Today has an article that’s interesting on how to validate someone.

“The first Level is Being Present. There are so many ways to be present. Holding someone’s hand when they are having a painful medical treatment, listening with your whole mind and doing nothing but listening to a child describe their day in first grade, and going to a friend’s house at midnight to sit with her while she cries because a supposed friend told lies about her are all examples of being present.” The Article goes on to talk about how to validate yourself. “Being present for yourself means acknowledging your internal experience and sitting with it rather than “running away” from it, avoiding it, or pushing it away. Sitting with intense emotion is not easy. Even happiness or excitement can feel uncomfortable at times.

Often one of the reasons other people are uncomfortable with intense emotion is that they don’t know what to say. Just being present, paying complete attention to the person in a nonjudgmental way, is often the answer. For yourself, being mindful of your own emotion is the first step to accepting your emotion.

People may mask their feelings because they have learned that others don’t react well to their sensitivity. This masking can lead to not acknowledging their feelings even to themselves, which makes the emotions more difficult to manage. Being able to accurately label feelings is an important step to being able to regulate them.

When someone is describing a situation, notice their emotional state. Then either name the emotions you hear or guess at what the person might be feeling.”

 The Article goes on to the next steps, and the next is understanding the history of someone’s past. Realizing that their feelings or actions may be justified based on situations from earlier in their life. It’s important to realize for yourself that if you feel a particular way why that may be the case. Normal feelings, are just that, normal to have and feel, and checking the facts of how strongly you feel based on the reasonable level per individual event.

While all of this is great, as you know this is a Christian Blog, so what does all this have to do with Jesus Christ, and God? EVERYTHING! The scripture is full of validation.

John 3:17 Christ came to save us, not to condemn us. Psalm 17:8 We are the Apple of God’s eye, he will hide us in the shadow of his wings. Colossians 3:23 “23 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;” We often seek approval from our fellow peers and this often leads us to disaster. People often let us down because one of a thousand reasons. The only real validation we need is that from God. People judge left and right and even when the scripture says otherwise people judgments hurt. I myself have been harshly judged on my mistakes even if they were justified from past experiences. I’ve been harshly judged on my looks, my ideals, and those judgments hurt.

I recently sought validation about a decision I had made, and the response didn’t go as I thought it would. This left a huge rift and hurt. I wasn’t expecting my decision to cause such uproar but it did. This on top of my fear that if someone doesn’t get back to me in a text or by phone, or doesn’t send me anything for days that I am some how not important to them. All these things together can be wrapped up in one word, LIES. The Devil wants us to feel badly about ourselves. The Devil wants to rip us apart and pull us away from God. When we make mistakes and we let the fear of those mistakes dictate how we proceed we are falling into that lie. We make ourselves believe that we are worthless, without the possibility of redemption, or even that we don’t deserve it. All of this is just a big fat lie that the Devil wants us to believe. Rewriting how we feel isn’t easy. We might have to tell ourselves every day that we have forgiven ourselves, and that we know God has forgiven us for whatever wrong we may have committed. God don’t care where you been, He cares where you’re going.” (Dr. M. David Chambers, Senior Pastor)

We know that God loves us and we know that regardless of our mistakes or sins God loves us. We know that if we truly repent and ask for forgiveness and give Christ our entire heart we will be accepted into the Kingdom. We are always given chances, and we are always given grace. Will we be punished if we disobey, or blatantly sin or go against God, sure we will because God or Abba (Father) will treat us like a father and discipline his children when they need it. Remember don’t be so quick to pass judgment; it’s not for us to do so. Try and consider the needs of those around you. If we allow God to work through us we can help touch and mold lives and by understanding someone’s emotions, by respecting them, and taking the time to learn, we can be more then just an ear, we can be an inspiration, we can be a guide, and we may actually be able to make a difference, if we allow God to use us.

The Little Boy 

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The Little Boy

The little boy sits in his room, no lights are on, no music or television is playing, just the silence of his own thoughts and prayers. The cool wind starts to howl as the sky turns from a red sunset to orange to a purple, to gray to black as the storm clouds tumble in like a down comforter being pulled up on the bed. The trees start to tremble and shake, they scratch the house as if asking to come in safe from the storm. The thunder rolls in the distance and the child looks out of the window thinking the storm will pass quickly. The trees aren’t scratching at the walls anymore, they are knocking. The thunder roars and grumbles loudly now, as the house shakes with each display. The child’s scared now and he grabs the worldly blanket thinking the soft and fuzzy blanket will protect him in the night’s storm. The boy’s now terrified as the lightning show turns darkness to daylight. Each flash he sees shadows on the walls. The flash looks like someone’s in the room. Another flash and he’s sure he saw the shape of a man. The flash and thunder crack in the air and he sees the man shadow again. He covers his head with the blanket but the wind, the howls, the trees, the light still rages on and he feels the cold of evil all around.

The boy scrambles off the bed to the corner, ‘get away!” he screams. The shadow turns to many now, all man shaped, some hunched over, some standing tall, all dancing around the room. The lighting and the thunder continue to play the song that the shadows dance to. The trees whipping around now and it sounds like the tree will rip through the wall. The rain falls, and falls, the sound is loud, and nearly drowns out the rest of the world.

The slow sound of water seems to be coming inside now, the boy peeks from the covers to see the glistening of the water coming from under his door. The shadows continue to dance on the walls and the boy now terrified tries to find a way away from the water. He begins to cry as the fear now can’t be controlled. The rush of water breaks down the door. The storm continues outside, but the boy’s not safe anymore. The water rises as he climbs to the bed. The thunder now sounds like laughing, the shadows seem to be celebrating, the fear the boy feels is feeding the shadows, the waters rise fast, and faster soon to be cresting the top of the bed. The water is frigid cold. The boys wet, and shivering as the water makes things float around the room. The shadows close in, the windows now covered with water, the lighting, the thunder louder and brighter then they were, the shadows now seem less like shadows but shadow men. Physical and the boy tries to tread water, still gripping his blanket, his protection.

The lighting stops, the thunder does not, the freezing waters continue to rise. The boy knows he’s going to die now. The boy shakes with fear, shakes with regret, and sorrow. He will miss his friends, mom, dad, and grandparents. He has no protection from this storm, no hope. The shadows now dance on the ceiling and the walls, but he sees one cutting through the water coming straight towards him. Fear freezes him in place. The water is nearly to the ceiling now. It’ll only be moments before he is under water drowning in this strange water. The shadow grabs the blanket away and throws it away. The boy cries, pleads with the shadow to spare him, to let him live. “What do you want!?” the little boy screams, crying, voice shaking, screaming now in fear
“Why, I want your very soul.” Exclaims the shadow. The entity grabs the boys throat and the boy feels like frostbite around his neck. His life is fading; he feels the cold spreading through his entire body. The air is now frost, his breath struggles and he sees it now in the air. The shadows on the wall seems to be more excited as his life is being drained from him. The evil shadow’s grip around the boy’s neck tightens. Why is the shadow taking so long, why make me struggle the little boy thinks.

“God please, please help.” The boy manages to let the words escape his lips. Suddenly the roof is ripped away, the whole room is filled with a blinding light. The boy sees the shadows burst into a flame and the ash falls from the walls. The shadows look burned into the walls. The water turns to a harmless steam, the evil shadow screams towards the light and releases the boy’s throat. The boy falls, but is caught by a cloud. He’s lifted towards the sky and feels as if he’s wrapped in a blanket of warmth and softer then anything he’s ever felt. The boy can’t see in the brightness of the light, but whispers “thank you.”

“When you are in times of trouble, when the storms rage on around you, just call for me, just call my name, and I will be there to protect you my child.” The boy knows who saved him, God, the soft touch of angel’s wings protecting him, keeping him warm. The touch of God has healed his wounds, and his terror is gone.

The boy wakes in his bed, the room is back to normal, no shadow men burned to the wall, no water in site. The tree outside isn’t knocking anymore, and the moonlight shines brightly into the room casting what looks like angel wings on the wall. The boy knows he can sleep tight tonight because God has sent an angel to cover him and protect him. The God of all that’s good and just in this world so loved the child he came to the world to save him; of all the people he could save he saved the boy. With the blanket of an angel’s wing the child closed his eyes in peace and drifted off to sleep.

Every now and then the child sees the shadows dancing around, but when the Child calls out to God, the shadows draw back in fear, and the child has no fear of them anymore. The power the shadows once had are gone, because the child learned the true nature of walking with God. Never in the child’s life would he ever be in such a great storm again.

Feeding the Darkness

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Feeding the Darkness 

After a tragedy in your life you may find yourself on a perpetual lope, you’re on repeat playing the same tone over and over again. In that you are holding onto the pain and suffering caused by whatever trauma you’ve endured. What happens when we get stuck? Anger breeds upon itself. Proverbs 29:11 “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.” When we allow ourselves to stay angry we put ourselves inside a fortress and we don’t allow anyone to enter. When we do that we cut off our relationship with anyone who wants to love us to include friends, family, and most importantly God. Ephesians 4:26-27 “26 In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” This being a longer verse let’s talk about it. When we are angry we often find ourselves unable to make sound judgments. We open the door and everything we have is ripe for the taking when the Devil finds us in a state of suggestibility. The evil whispers in our ear to do things we usually wouldn’t do. I believe the general idea of these verses is telling us to turn that anger into something we can use. Redirect that anger and make good of it, allow ourselves to focus and help others. Build others up instead of tearing down in our anger. Find a way to let go of the bitterness, rage and anger that sit in the pit of our stomachs and spawn more negativity.

When we find ourselves getting angry which is a normal emotion, how we handle it is what’s important. Ecclesiastes 7:9 “9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” We must learn to extend our fuse, make it harder to be provoked to do something harsh. The Devil wants us to fly off the handle because when we do we often hurt those closest to us. This damages the positive relationships we have and thus harming the relationships with God our Father.

 The phrase “Kill um with kindness.” Isn’t just a clever euphemism it’s actually a Biblically derived statement. Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” When others get angry if we find a way to maintain calm, it’s hard for the other person to keep shouting when instead of the reverberation affect, you act as a dampener. It takes two people in the ring to box. Without the opponent you just look silly shadow boxing yourself. Proverbs 15:8 “18 A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.”

 Be the calm in every storm. When we argue with one another and we start to yell, we start to curse, we start to dredge up the past, when we start resorting to name calling and all manner of vial things spew from your mouth, that is feeding the darkness. It’s not just focusing on your own pain, it’s also fueling others pain to grow as well. Often we argue with the ones we love the most and instead of allowing yourself to fall into a cycle of self loathing, self destruction, self gratification, allow yourself to see the error in your own way, and others will see the difference. We cannot change others, but by our own actions we may influence by allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us, to work through us and affect those around us. Anger is contagious, hatred is contagious, but so is love, so is kindness. It’s much harder to love and overcome things that make us upset or the things that hurt us, but we cannot be the judges of that. We cannot be judge, jury, and executioner because we aren’t qualified to do that. All we can do is love, pray, and be a positive influence on those around us. No one wants to be around the Big Green Guy all the time. They want to be around Bruce Banner instead, the mild mannered scientist whose got a good heart. Be the person with the good heart that everyone can see. Don’t let the disease spread through you and your life, learn to let it go. Forgive and Love. Those are the keys to living a happy life.

 

 

 

A Past Long Forgotten, The Dangers of Compartmentalization

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A Past Long Forgotten, The Dangers of Compartmentalization

I’m sure most people have had at least one trauma in their life that sticks with them, if not more than one. If you’re like me, the Devil just loves to stick around and try to make life a tad harder than it needs to be. One thing I’ve noticed is the minute changes that come about after every trauma takes place. When you’ve become so consumed with the trauma that you are forced to find anyway you can handle it, a common way for kids to handle, or at least myself was compartmentalization. When it comes to trauma big and small this is a safe way to handle it in the moment. However, if not revisited this method of handling can be very dangerous. Websters defines compartmentalized as “to separate into isolated compartments or categories” In many cases this is the event, and the emotion surrounding the event and are stored inside the brain as separate memory engrames. Once the memory is separated it’s difficult to reconnect the two, and it’s more so when the laps of time is greater. So what happens when you do this throughout a lifetime, say, 30 years? Lets think of memories as boxes, now think about each box as a memory, but the painful ones divide into two boxes and sit them on the shelf in the closet. Over time that closet is going to start to get full. When the closet reaches a certain point, all it takes is one massive event, and everything in that closet can come bursting down on top of you burying you in all the negative feelings you tried so hard to subdue or hide. So now you are lying on the floor, you have boxes everywhere, the emotions are like a zoo full of escaped wild animals, how do you plan on wrangling them up, and putting them back? The truth is, you don’t. The time at this point has past and now a new way of storing them is needed.

Often times when the emotions from traumas are released in such an uncontrolled manner the outcome is less than desirable. The effects can be quite frankly catastrophic. Often we see this as the beginning to self-destruction. An individual can go through several possible outcomes to include, self harm, harming others, drugs or substance abuse, addictions of other kinds such as work, gambling, adrenalin seekers, or other forms of risky behaviors. This is the common way for someone who’s accidently had Pandora’s box opened who didn’t have the right guidance to handle it. People don’t usually ask for the box to be pried open, sadly, it’s just one of life’s unfortunate circumstances. The key, once it’s opened is to know what to expect, and hopefully have someone around who can help guide you through the path of recovery. There are 4 basic paths to dealing with trauma. They can be found and studied here.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200111/recovering-trauma

The example that best correlates with compartmentalization is the Tsunamis. During the time you have lived on by not feeling, as it’s described in the Psychology Today article your nervous system is a circuit bored and in the event of a catastrophic traumatic event your system shuts down. There’s a dangerous time frame here between the event, and the waters receding. It’s in that short period of time that some will fall into the self-harm stage. It happens so fast that spectators rarely realize there’s a problem until it’s too late.

The truth is, as a Christian nation it needs to be better about standing with our brothers and sisters in times of great struggle. It’s sometimes hard to do especially when we don’t always know or understand the nature of what’s going on underneath the water. Some people, myself included often look like a duck on a pond. Floating around, no cares in the world, however if you look under the water, those little flipper feet are going a mile a minute. The iceburg is much larger underneath than what we see on the surface. Since we never know someone’s breaking point we must assume that during events that are hard to handle we look at them objectively and try to remain unbiased. A few life changing events that some would seem as bad things but not traumas are what we will look at for a moment. Loosing your job, loosing a spouse to either death or an unwanted divorce, loosing a loved one, car accidents, and sometimes slightly worse events. These things to some people may seem horrible, but to others, they can be the straw to break the camels back. As that may often be the case it’s better to error on the side of caution and overly loving in the hopes there are no residual feelings that could move this into a catastrophic event.

The dangers of being wrong: What if your friend or spouse goes through one of these events and notices you aren’t there for them, or you downplay how they are feeling. If we don’t show them that we care, and if we pass a negative judgment on their situation we may actually be contributing to the further decline of their mental stability. It’s important to always try and be supportive. We all handle situations and stress differently based on the culmination of our backgrounds and what we’ve learned in the past. If you are a young man and you get harassed every day by the police, eventually you will grow to fear them, hate them, avoid them, even though they are only there to help, the behavior is a learned trait. If you are bullied your whole life and you grow up and have self-esteem issues, self loathing, fear of rejection, or abandonment, those fears, those traits are learned traits. They come from a lifetime of experiences that tells us how the world is, even if it’s only our version of the truth. Getting back to the point, when bad things happen, we don’t honestly know how someone will react. That’s why it’s so important to follow Galatians 6:2 “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” We shouldn’t hesitate to help even with the small stuff. Show compassion and be there if someone needs you. Ephesians 4:32 “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” We’ve been given such grace and love and forgiveness by God we are asked to pass that along to our fellow brothers and sisters of humanity. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.”

If you’re struggling through tough times, if you have old trauma’s that are weighing you down, or if you just feel you need to talk, seek out Godly and or professional advice. Don’t try to get through this life on your own. There’s no shame in asking for help. Not asking for help is prideful, arrogant, and perhaps even a hair selfish. By not dealing with the issue when it’s small, it can grow inside you like a cancer, spreading throughout your thoughts and feelings, until one day it’s beyond repair. Seek help, trust in the Lord that you will be watched over no matter how light, or heavy the storm is.

The Smallest Gestures

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The Smallest Gestures

Walking through the mall minding my own business I was aware of my surroundings. I could see the looks on people’s faces to get to where they had to go, to shop their little hearts out. Christmas was coming and everyone was focused on the task at had. Me on the other hand I was focused on making sure they stayed safe. I was hyper stimulated to remain vigilant. Nothing was going to happen in my mall as long as I had a say in it. I could see the child in front of me as I walked up on the family. The mother smiled as I approached. Her child stepped out in front of me and put her arms wide open. I knelt down and allowed her to hug me. “Thank you for keeping us safe.” The little girl said. I hugged her back and said it was my pleasure. I told her Merry Christmas. I looked up at the mother who said thank you. She grabbed the little girls hand and went along their way. I carried on my day, a little brighter then I had before. A small gesture of kindness from a small person reminded me you don’t have to be big or do big things to make an impact.

The small gestures or acts of kindness are fleeting from our society, or at least that’s the way it looks from this bloggers perspective. If you hold the door for someone, how many people will thank you for it? Now this is a tough test because some cities have a more hospitable nature then others. The other day I was at church. I was standing there during the invitation (it’s a Baptist church) and as I looked up my best friend and associate pastor was walking towards me. He put his arm around me and began to pray for me. At first I didn’t question it I just listened to his prayer for me. This was highly unusual, but the thought and sentiment behind it nearly took my breath away. I was trying to hold back tears. What a wonderful sign of affection. Husbands that bring home flowers, or the wife that make breakfast in bed. The notes that loved ones share in each other’s lunch boxes, all these things are the smallest gestures that can go a long way.

These days as there is so much hate in the world, now after two terrorist attacks in the UK in these many weeks, Love it seems is more important than ever. Luke 12:7 “Why, even the hairs on your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.” When you think about this verse and find that the author is saying one single hair on your head is so valuable it’s worth more then several birds. If God finds our presence that valuable then so shall it be. If the big things we do in the name of Christ is that important imagine that all of the smallest acts of kindness and love are also important. A smile, a hug, a phone call, or even just a message to tell a friend you are thinking of them and care. These small things can mean the world to someone in need. Believe that if everyone was so busy with their life to do these small things very little would actually get done. “The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.” Oscar Wilde The slightest gesture of love may go a long way to provide hope that otherwise wasn’t there. We don’t need to wear capes to be a hero. We don’t have to fight off an entire army, or cure a rampant plague, in the words of Christopher Reeve, “I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” Every day we are able to look beyond ourselves. Every day that we think to lift up those around us by even the smallest acts of kindness we could be a hero to them. What may seem small to us may be huge to them. We can’t judge what is going on inside of someone else. Asking to pray for someone in time of need, giving a firm hug, or even just a text to say hello may be enough. “One thing I’ve learnt about humans: you can’t judge their strengths by the size of their actions, but by the devotion of an act, no matter how small.” Dianna Hardy

 Last year I was in the hospital for a few weeks. Just a couple days after getting admitted I woke to someone coming in and telling me I had visitors. I expected it to be someone from the church but the truth was 10 of my friends, brothers and sisters, colleagues from the military from all over the country where standing around my bed side. The overwhelming feelings of joy, sadness, shame, guilt, but above all hope, kept coming and coming. I was loved and I was being shown it. I was being shown how my friends thought of me, and what they would do to make sure I was okay. My faith and hope in people was renewed that day. I was lifted up and shown the goodness that can still be in others. Since then I have found the smallest of gestures make a big impact on me. Those impacts resonate now at a much higher level then they used to. There are two quotes that I’m reminded of. “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, and honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Leo Buscaglia. The last is “There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” Edith Wharton.

It’s not hard to let someone cut in, in traffic. It’s not hard to hold the elevator or the door. It’s not hard to tell someone they look nice. It doesn’t take much time to send an uplifting text to a friend you haven’t heard from in a while. In this day in time we have so many ways to communicate, and do nice things why do we let slip the opportunities to show Gods grace to all. 1 John 3:18 “Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.”

In the Bible there are countless stories about small random acts of kindness that led to huge events. Rebekah watered a strangers camel’s and ended up being the mother of Jacob entering the lineage of Christ. Ester’s kindness to the King, which ended up playing a roll in saving her people, and David’s act of taking his brothers food to the front lines, this is where he fights Goliath. These small things, almost insignificant at first glance wouldn’t have made most people stop and think, but put them in the right place to make huge impacts on the lives of those around them. What little things can you do day to day that can make drastic change? You certainly won’t know until you start, and let history decide the rest.

We’ll Cross That Bridge When We Get There 

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We’ll cross that bridge when we get there
You get to a bridge covered in fog. You can’t see the other side and you question to cross or not. You turn back and look at where you came from. The knots inside your stomach, the pounding in your chest, do you cross or go back to where you know? Where you came from is familiar, loyalty, family both blood and and Christ. Across the bridge is the unknown. There might be endless opportunities through the fog. There’s at least one friend somewhere over yonder deep in the dark abyss of the unknown.
Fear can be a powerful motivator, for many that fear response is what can keep us alive. For some however it can be debilitating. Do not let fear control you. Let fear tell you when you’re in try danger, but never hold back from Gods path because you’re afraid. No matter what lies and the devil will tell you, the leap of faith, knowing God will catch you, knowing if it’s the right path God will not lead you astray.
We always want to plan. We always want to know all the details. The problem with that is the idiom ‘the devils in the details’. If we have faith in God we don’t have to have every minute detail hashed out. If you are following Gods path and plan, God will move many of the obstacles out of your way. The key to that is wait until you get to the bridge. How often do we plan every detail and we haven’t reached the bridge to cross yet? No matter the situation you find yourself in know that when you are following the word, behaving as God commands of His children, bad things will still happen, but you will continue to be blessed along the way.
Don’t let the bridge be a way to escape. You cannot run from your problems. Face your trials like an adult, face them with grace and distinction. I promise you whatever waits for you through the fog on the other side will be just as bad or worse. Having to retake the test is never pleasant. Have the fortitude to bow graciously in your mistakes, do not be prideful in your successes, and always journey with Love in you and as a companion. Behave as if Christ is always next to you. Think about Christ standing next to you at the base of that Bridge. Pray the fog be lifted to see clearly what’s on the other side. Pray for guidance. Pray for comfort and peace. With Christ by your side, reflect on how you would behave if He was with you at work, in the car next to you, in the room during an argument. Let Christ be with you always in your walk. Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” We cannot allow ourselves to focus on everything around us. We must learn to focus on the present and be there not the past, not the future. Proverbs 4:25 “Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.”

We may not know the future or our paths to take, but silence your mind, silence the world. Pray for guidance and wisdom. Pray to let go of selfish wants and pray for clarity of the journey that it would be pleasing to God. Finding yourself in the fog at the foot of that bridge, step out into faith and trust that your path will be cleared if it is your way. Though, do not confuse lessons to be learned with roadblocks. Turn to God and let go of fear. Look to God who will guide you like that lighthouse bringing you to safety. Each step you take is one step closer to God. Have faith.

The Monsters in Our Head

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The Monsters in Our Head

They toil and strike, they grind their teeth and they bite and scratch.

They feed and pray, the scared and weak. The attacks and quick and always lethal.

The horns and claws, they attack, so never turn your back.

Red eyes gleam through the night, they always leave you in fright.

The wolves and vultures they circle round and round. Always pray they attack when you’re bound.

Bound by doubt, bound by regret, bound by shame. Bound to a cross the sharks circle beneath. Bound by fear, bound by sadness, bound by loneliness, the blood the smell.

Attack the weak, the monsters seek. The darkness comes, the monsters creep. Around and around they circle and slither, fear and doubt they smell and quiver.

The monsters excite, they drool and they bite. They chomp at each other, who will make the kill.

They crouch to pounce. But the light shines through. Recoil of all, they hiss and cower.

The light shines through, it blinds them all, they scamper and crawl. He light holds power the monster will scour.

Freedom alas, the world in darkness shall pass. The light, the light, where does it come from? The light shines bright, and even with the sight, you cannot see.

The light is bright, and warm, and calm, the monsters are gone.

The light lifts you up, carries you away. The light shines for those who seek.

Refuge for all, all who seek, all who are meek.

Meek before the Lord and call for his name. Jesus is our light, the light of the world.

Jesus the mighty warrior who monsters flee from. Light up the darkness and away they go. The monsters cannot stay, as they wonder to and fro.

“But the LORD is with me as a mighty terrible one: therefore my persecutors shall stumble, and they shall not prevail: they shall be greatly ashamed; for they shall not prosper: their everlasting confusion shall never be forgotten.” (Jeremiah 20:11)

 The Lord, the Lord, saves us all. The Lord the Lord, slayer of terrible beasts that linger in thought. The Lord of all, brings peace upon the whole, the Lord the Lord, saves our soul.

 

A Multitude of Sins

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A Multitude of Sins

Here I sit alone in almost complete silence. The teal glow on the wall from the lava lamp, and the glow from the computer screen are the only lights on in the house. There’s no music on, no television, just a fan in the dining room I can hear. The sounds of the keys being clicked own is loud in the silence of the house. Occasionally I can hear one of the dogs yawning, or licking their paw, but it’s quiet.

What do we do when we are alone in the dark, no sounds, just the sound of our own thoughts? Where does your mind take you? Mine takes me to a place darker then that of my home right now, a multitude of sins and mistakes. How did I get here my mind asks. How has my life turned out this way, and where the heck do I go form here? The truth is I don’t know. People ask me every day what’s the plan, where are you going to go, what are you going to do? You see, people that know me best know me as the planner. In an earlier post I talked about your emergency preparedness kit and some of what’s in my hiking bag. For the first time in my life I don’t have a plan. I haven’t had a plan since September 18th 2016. That day all of my sins came to the surface, they came with a reckoning, a force strong enough to knock me off my balance and shake the very foundation in which I built my life. Up till that point in my life I had found myself to be relatively successful. I was happily married, doing well at work, doing great in school, working towards a baby, everything I wanted in life. I had the greatest in-laws anyone could ever hope for, a great sister in law, but fate it seems follows it’s own course, not what we want. In just a matter of a short bit of time everything I loved, the life I spent years building would crumble around me and I would loose everything. The foundation cracked and a cavern opened up under me and swallowed me whole. At the time I felt as if I’d never get out. At the time I felt that my pain, my suffering was the end of me and sadly, wrongly, I felt as if I deserved it. I felt as if my sins were coming back and I had to pay for them. I felt as if I deserved to suffer, to undergo pain and suffering.

A life of trauma built up and tucked away in a nice tidy little closet, away from the world so no one would see. The pain inside buried so deep that the mask I wore every day was good enough to fool even those closest to me. So many times I felt the sorrow the shame bubbling up from the deepest pits within myself, and as skillfully as a superhero beats down a lowly thug, I put that stop in the rising pain, and forced it to return back to the darkest places of my very soul. Compartmentalization is such a wonderful tool when dealing with pain. It can be very helpful as a short term coping mechanism but when used for trauma, the idea is to revisit the trauma soon after the crisis is over, and face the memory head on to come to grips with it. The trouble with that is when the day never comes to revisit, it’s locked away, never forgotten, but never addressed either.

What do we do when the foundation we built our very existence crumbles and falls apart? When our foundation is not as solid as we thought it was, and our deepest fears come true? When everything we’ve ever wanted is taken away, when our deepest fear is realized, and every trauma we’ve ever buried breaks out of prison with an angry vengeance the perfect storm is realized and bad terrible things happen to our minds.

When the hurricane hit me I wasn’t able to maintain my footing. I didn’t know what to do, where to go, how to handle, the one and only thing I knew was the word STOP. I knew it had to stop. I felt I deserved what happened to me. I felt I had a right to the pain because I had sinned. I had never lived up to be what I should have, and I earned my place. The memory slipped away after actions were taken. What happened to me? What was going to happen to me? So quickly control was fleeting, a wild chaos was quickly snapped back to a hazy reality but not without consequence. No one ever warned us this might happen. No one ever taught us the repercussions of a lifetime of running. You can’t run forever, sooner or later the past will catch up to you and when it does, it wants its payment with interest.

It would take months to realize the new reality, which was my life. It would take only days to realize how bad of a decision that had been made without conscious control. We all have to answer for our sins, and we all have to pay for them. The hard part about dealing with what we’ve done is forgiving ourselves. For me it’s always been easier to forgive others for the bad things they’ve done, but to forgive myself, you’d have better luck pulling a tooth from a T-Rex. I can never take back what happened that day, but to understand more then just the surface problem, to see beyond the facts of that day, it takes a deeper look into the human soul.

As we walk in our lives we see those around us who get caught in addiction, self-harm, physical disorders such as eating disorders, but do we ever try to address the problem? The problem on the surface is the immediate issue, but the problem I’m talking about is that below, the root of the problem. When people suffer for a long time even when we cannot see it, it can often manifest itself in ways to run and hide from the source. Eventually running is all we know. Eventually that life becomes a new reality a safe comfortable reality in our own minds. Even if from the outside it looks destructive and harmful, no doubt it is destructive and harmful, but life itself is often through the eyes of the beholder.

Survivors of alcoholism, or self-harm, suicide attempts, addictions to sleeping bills or other drugs, they know the route, but it’s everyone around that becomes the new problem. How many spectators become judgmental of the victim? Let’s use suicide as an example. If someone tries to end their life, what is the normal reaction from those around? Some are in shock and disbelief, others flock to the person showering with love and sympathy, but there are others who feel anger and distain. Suicide is often looked to as the coward’s way out, the easy way out. The anger comes from the idea that it hurts the ones who are left behind. So suicide is often known as selfish. The problem with today’s society is a lack of education on various mental health problems. There are a lot of assumptions and negative connotations that exist that doesn’t make them true. As a society we need to learn to answer pain with Love, answer hurt with Love. We’ve become so quick to push people away who cause pain, but never ask if the pain was intentional. Let me tell you, if someone’s facing addiction, or suicide, you are the last person on his or her minds. Some may leave a note behind, but the idea is never to inflict harm on others, albeit the end result is pain and suffering. Ironic that the idea to end ones own pain and suffering it will inflict that upon others, and yet that thought never crosses the victims mind. Colossians 3:12 “12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” We know that when there is pain doctors are compassionate towards the victims, EMS have a bedside manner of caring and love, but when someone in our family or friends harms themselves anger, and venomous reactions take the stage. Isaiah 49:13 “13 Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.” God knows when to be compassionate and when to be hard on his children. Psalm 51:1 “1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.” Is it so hard to forgive others? Is it so hard to realize we all make mistakes and we all harm one another at some point in our lives? Forgiveness isn’t something that is supposed to take time, (realizing this is the reality) it’s something that is supposed to come from the heart. Luke 23:34 “34 Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.”

We must learn to dig deeper to see the why and not just assume. We must learn to Love first and have compassion to those in pain. We must learn to forgive and understand the sinful nature of mankind. These things are not easy, but are necessary. No matter what the world says about some stigmas the facts remain in scripture. Education is the key to being a compassionate person, understanding the driving forces behind a particular mindset can not only give you incite, but help when you come face to face with it yourself. We all know someone who’s tried to commit suicide, became addicted to something, had some sort of mental health crisis, but do we really ever know the why, or the how? How did we treat them when the initial crisis had passed? Our jobs as a Church body is to love, have compassion, not to tare down someone after they already hit rock bottom. Love not hate, it really isn’t that hard with practice.

If you are the surviver of such an addiction, or suicide attempt, know that tomorrow the day can be brighter. As the Book of Job teaches us no matter how bad a situation may look at the time, tomorrow, God can bless us and change our future in an instant. We must maintain love and faith in God, in both or blessings, and our hardships.