Tag: faithful

I SIT ALONE

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I SIT ALONE

I sit alone, so alone, the pain inside aches and pains that make taking a breath sometimes the most difficult thing I do. I never know what my tomorrow brings because everything I had and everything I knew was pulled away, ripped from me in the most violent way. No pain so emotional has ever hurt so bad, has ever crippled me, but this pain brought me to my knees.

Why I cried out, why me, why again? The past has a hold of me and I just can’t quite let it go. Is it the thought of loosing the woman I loved, or is it being alone? Is it that it didn’t happen once but twice? I don’t truly know what the answer is for myself.

I have done everything I can with what I’ve have at my disposal. The experts say there are a few things that have to happen to allow healing to happen naturally, and in a healthy way. Since then, I haven’t yet found my footing on my path to a new me. A new me, I don’t even know what that truly means. As I’ve struggled to look within to find the man I want to be I haven’t been able to figure that out because I don’t know who I am anymore. The last year of my life has put into question every notion I had about the world and my place in it. I haven’t been able to make headway in moving forward with my life and perhaps that’s the reason I feel like I’m moving in slow motion, I feel like I’m not just moving in slow mo, but I in quicksand. The realistic point of view is things just haven’t worked out yet. The man I am to become is still a work in progress.

While I truly don’t know what my future holds, or what I’m supposed to do, or the life I’m to live, I have to believe that God has a plan for me. A plan to succeed not to fail, not to fall. When someone you love hurts you in that way it can make you question everything about yourself. The darkness can be overwhelming but at some point you must learn to let it go. We must let ourselves heal, and to do that we must tell ourselves we are worth more then our failures. We are worth more then the sum of those who have hurt and abandoned us. We are worth more then the way we have been treated. We can be treated like garbage and thrown away like a beat up used toy. While divorce can cause a whole hurricane of negative feelings, all sorts of traumas happen to people that can cause all sorts of problems. And while I’ve spent a lifetime fighting the fight, I know that sometimes we just need to rest.

We can’t be angry all the time. At some point we have to let go of what fuels our fire and allow the healing to begin. No matter the time that goes by, the ability to start healing, to start letting go is always a possibility. While the pain, the loneliness, the hopelessness, the guilt and fear rage on in our heads like a CD stuck on repeat, we must somehow learn to break the cycle. We all need someone to help us bare that cross when it’s too heavy. We all need someone in our lives to help us along the way.

While I sit alone I wonder where I go from here. While I sit alone I question my place in this world. While I sit alone I miss so much in life. While I sit alone I miss the comforts of companionship. It’s almost like a drug, you have it for so long and it’s gone all of a sudden, gone in the blink of an eye. How could someone you care for, care for you, and betray you like the years prior didn’t matter at all. The truth is, the answers as much as I’ve wanted them done matter. The why isn’t going to change the past, and no matter how hard we may want to, the inevitable realization, life still continues. While I may be alone in my walk without someone, I know that God, my God is with me always. While I can only see a small baby step ahead of me, the future is still left wide open. God will help guide me on my way, and one can only hope that when the time is right, I won’t be alone anymore. That I may be gifted with the family I’ve tried so hard for, only to have them ripped away from me. I’ve never in my life been more disappointed by my loved ones, and as this lesson has been a difficult one to learn, I have learned that even those in our lives we look up too, even then, they can turn out to be someone completely different, someone we don’t recognize. While people come and go out of our life for better or worse we must learn that as there’s a season for everything and we must learn to accept that. If someone value’s you, you will be a priority to them, and if you have someone important to you, you can’t take that for granted. I’ve been close to death a few times and if I’ve learned anything in all that time it’s life is short, and we must value the gift of time we have, and cherish the people you love. We never know when that time may run out.

Throat punched

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Throat punched
So as I sit here with my neck in a brace, when I talk not only do I sound it, I feel like I’ve been throat punched. Yes that’s what happens when you have surgery. But let me tell you. I couldn’t be more lucky. Gods grace and perfect timing all the time. 
There were complications in surgery. My disc ruptured and fluid went into my spinal column. They cleaned it up but I needed to be closely watched. There may have been some hematoma around my incision. 
Thankfully the rupture was found and didn’t do permanent damage. In all the CT’s, the risky MRI (because of shrapnel in my lung) not one of these scans showed the disk had ruptured. As I’m not a doctor I cannot obviously speak clearly of the dangers of that fluid where it doesn’t belong. But I do know it’s BAD! 
Because Gods perfect in His timing and love everything went well even with the complications. Even the new raspier voice I have just plays into effect when I wear the mask. All things considered I’m pretty darn happy. 
Yesterday I couldn’t squeeze my ball and now I can squeeze it with all my might and it’s beautiful. I can walk with my head held high and arms swinging. Gods touched my body through the hands of my surgeons and have given me my life back. I may have some troubles the rest of my life but for now, it seems all of that is within acceptable limits. 
Believe in the power of prayer and love. From the prayer shawl I received from my church, the love of my Associate Pastor, my mom, and everyone near and far that prayed for me before during and after my surgery. All this prayer I have felt the reward. I know I live on to fight the Devil for another day. 
For you all wary souls like my one was, take heart knowing the Lord of all the wonders of this world is with you, right there suffering your sufferings. Believe and know the faithful, the just, the kind, will be rewarded. We may not always say or do the right things to one another but we must know it and apologize for it. Own up to our mistakes and ask for the forgiveness we should. 
Stay connected to God and be blessed by his touch. God bless all of you! 

The Improvised

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The improvised 
Sitting here in the ER alone as I’ve sent mom home to rest, gather supplies, and get ready for the long day, I find myself pondering what I guess most people ponder when looking at a life altering surgery. Who are my loved ones, who cares who doesn’t? Is my Will complete and dang did I leave the stove on? I am reminded of so many one liners but I’ll spare all of you the boring repartee and just know that I haven’t forgotten about my avid readers. I may be out for the day, but as long as I have a phone I’ll still work my guru magic and post something. 
While I was here I was able to doodle a little something and while it’s not finished because as you’ll all see I’m no artist, I haven’t lost sight of my goal. I will continue to work on my ministries and with Gods grace continue to touch lives. So as I get ready for what looks so far to be surgery, back surgery it is. While the surgeons are deliberating and I’m going on almost 24 hours awake, I’m reminded of some bible verses. 
1 Peter 1:6-7 “6 Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: 7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:”
Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.”
We may have setback and we may have plans that go off the rails but even in the darkest of days the brightest of flowers may still bloom. 

The Right Place At The Right Time

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The Right Place At The Right Time

This morning I woke up a little before my alarm and decided to get out of bed instead of snoozing a little longer. I got ready and left 20 minutes earlier than normal. I wasn’t more then 10 minutes from the house when I saw headlights in front of me flashing at me. I could see debris in the road and that’s when I saw the car upside down. I pulled over as soon as I could, grabbed my duty belt and ran to the car. The woman who flagged me down was on the phone with 911. I had my flashlight and I started to search for the driver, but they weren’t in the car anymore. I franticly searched the surrounding area and that’s when I saw a man lying on his back in the grass. He was bleeding from him nose, mouth, and several other places of exposed skin. At the time he looked as stable as he could be so I knew not to touch him or move him. You could see he was breathing so that was a good sign. As I realized the 911 dispatcher could get a name using the plate I asked the woman to let me talk to 911. I gave the plate number and that’s when I saw it, in the backseat under the crushed metal of the SUV an infant car seat. My heart fell to the floor as I choked out what I saw to the dispatcher. I handed the phone back to the woman and began looking for a possible infant somewhere in the huge field the car crashed in to.

After a little while of searching the field I returned to the man and found his breathing had changed. He became erratic and it almost sounded like a bit of gurgling coming from his chest. It wouldn’t surprise me if he broke a rib and deflated a lung in the impact. The car from what it looked like impacted about 100 feet away or so against the fence and the embankment and flipped, eventually hitting the fence again in another spot, and flipped once or twice more before impacting the tree where the vehicle settled on it’s roof. The man was roughly 20 feet or so from the vehicle, surprisingly still breathing. The woman and I could hear the sirens now and as the deputy was the first on scene I flagged him down. Within a minute later the ambulance arrived. I left my flashlight on the fence providing light for them to work. As he started to move around a bit, I held is head in place and waited for the paramedics to get all the trauma gear they needed. When they arrived they took over and I went to help the deputies search the field more for the possible injured child.

After 45 minutes on scene the man was long gone as cleanup started. The woman and I waited for the State Troopers to arrive, which sadly didn’t happen before I decided to leave and come to work. I know I was in the right place at the right time, I know that all the mud on my pants and boots tell a story. I know that God placed me right where I needed to be and when. Today I had Gods eyes to see what I needed to, and his Heart so I had the compassion to stop. I had my duty belt with me and I had the gloves, flashlight, everything I needed for the day. God wants us to listen to that little voice in our heads to do something. I left for work 20 minutes earlier than I usually do and now I realize why. Are we listening to the Holy Spirit in our lives? Are we going where we are driven to, listening to that little voice inside us to allow ourselves to be used for the good of Gods will? Galatians 5:25 “If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.” We must listen for the voice, listen for the word. Psalm 25:4-5 “Make me know Your ways, O LORD; Teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; For You I wait all the day.” Our souls can catch the fire, the fire rises in us and we are consumed by the Holy Spirit, and we know we are walking with God.

We never know why something happens the way it does, but we know that in all things God’s working for our good even if we can’t see it. Praise God in the greatness of the day, and the sorrowful of the night for we are never alone.

Don’t Let The Flame Go Out

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Don’t Let The Flame Go Out

Lately I’ve felt beaten down, tortured by my own doubts, my own insecurities, my own past and of all that I have felt as if that little spark of hope, that little light that resounded left in my heart was going out. The constant struggles of solitude in both work and home, the constant reminder of failures swirling round in head. The emptiness of a house that once had laughter, smiles, and love, yet now with it just the dogs and me the silence is pounding in my heart and in my head. What has happened to me in the last couple weeks I ask myself? As I look to my future I see a big move out of state, a 7 week gap before I end up to my new home, which I don’t have, a new job, which has barely been discussed, a hope and prayer are the fuel that powers this mission. So as I sleep at night and my dreams are nightmares, the wind howls and trees knocking around outside, the broken limbs fall to the deck waking the dogs, which in turn wakes me and this goes on all night long. The lyrics “I’ve been a walking heartache” By Dave Barnes plays in the distance. The fire inside me feels like it’s being drowned by the tears of my sorrows, and the pain in my chest suffocating the flame that’s been able to withstand so much till now. The days of doubt have finally caught up to me, and the bit of hope I once had for my future seemed like it was all but gone. Any hope I had to reignite the flame seemed to be washed out by the storm that just wouldn’t go away. The part of me that felt no hope was growing in strength spreading like a dark shadow deep within. When the world is unrelenting what hope do we have to stand toe to toe with the prizefighter that’s been doing this a lot longer than we have.

Hard Love

Hold on tight a little longer
What don’t kill ya, makes ya stronger
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love
You can’t change without a fallout
It’s gon’ hurt, but don’t you slow down
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love

When the wolves come and hunt me down
I will face them all and stand my ground
‘Cause there’s a fire burnin’ in me
They will see my strength in this love I found

The Apostil Paul was sitting in a Roman jail awaiting his execution. By this point Paul had experienced a great many hardships. 2nd Corinthians 11:24-28: “24 Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. 25 Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; 26 In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; 27 In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness. 28 Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches.” Paul had experienced a great many hardships, but even where he was sitting he managed to write about hope and love. Where do we look for inspiration when we have fallen and would rather stay down on the mat instead of getting back up to endure more of the beating? When we just can’t find the strength to stand what do we do? Matthew 27:32 “32 As they went out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name. They compelled this man to carry his cross” My take away from this is in our greatest times of struggles, in our deepest of sorrows we are meant to get help. Even Christ showed us it’s okay to ask or receive help. We must let go of our sinful pride and ask for Godly help. We are meant to turn to the Lord, but also our fellow Christians. We are meant to put our sorrows out there to let our Brothers and Sisters in Christ help us bare our own crosses. When asking for help however we must be careful to avoid asking the wickedness of man for help. Isaiah 8:19 “And when they shall say unto you, Seek unto them that have familiar spirits, and unto wizards that peep, and that mutter: should not a people seek unto their God? for the living to the dead?” When we seek ungodly counsel we will be led astray. We will be guided to directions that would further lead us into more sin, and a deeper divide between the Lord and us. As a body of Christ we are commanded to Love our Neighbors as ourselves. Meaning we are all in this together. When we harm our neighbor, we harm ourselves. For every action there are repercussions both good and bad equal to the action dependent on the side you act upon. In Galatians 6:2 the words jump off the page. It’s not saying you could, or you can, or maybe, it’s saying, “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” This means you are meant to help your neighbor when they are troubled. We are meant to lay our troubles at the feet of Christ, we are meant to lay our troubles at the feet of our Christian Brothers and Sisters, and they in turn are supposed to be there for us.

When we don’t know where to turn, when we feel as if we can’t take another step, when we feel the blow to our bodies one after another, we are actually struggling with the lies of the world. Satan will throw everything at you He can to break you. Satan wants you to fall and not get back up. Satan wants you to believe the lies he tells, and wants you to be crushed under the weight of burden.

Casting Crowns

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I’ve tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. “Boy, you’ll never win!”
“You’ll never win!”

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
The voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

 As the Apostle Peter was called to step out of the boat in the storm, he began to sink and Christ replied “Ye of little faith” We must remember that as long as Christ is with us we will never truly sink. The voice of truth tells us to never be afraid for as long as God is for you, who than can be against you. The Apostle Paul wrote Timothy from inside a Roman prison awaiting execution. 2 Timothy 4:5-8 “5 But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry.6 For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand.7 I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:8 Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.” As Paul writes he knows he’s about to die. He’s telling Timothy to remain strong when the time comes those false doctrines and their own lusts and other manner of sinful nature will take over. In that time stand firm in the teaching and be ready to suffer the consequences for not turning away from the truth. When all hope seems to be lost remember that keeping the course is it’s own reward. Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness. This is the promise of ever lasting peace in Heaven, a gift from God that ALL may have the joy of receiving if only love the Lord.

When you are down and you feel that you can’t get that spark to light, seek shelter under the protection of Christ’s umbrella. Allow Christ to warm you by the fire. Allow God to comfort your wounds, your weary souls. Psalm 23 “23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.” Know that there is comfort in the Holy Spirit, and that comfort is for you if you ask for it.

SideWalkProphets

If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it

I’m giving You fear and You give faith
I giving you doubt
You give me grace
For every step I’ve never been alone

Even when it hurts, You’ll have Your way
Even in the valley I will say
With every breath
You’ve never let me go

 (Prayer) Whatever your will my Lord help me find it. Whatever ales my heart help heal me. Whatever weighs me down help cut it away. God please rest my soul. When we don’t see what’s coming and we hurt and we have pain and sorrow, remind me I’m not alone. Lord be with me and watch over me as I wrestle with my trials, my tribulations, my heartbreak. Lord remind me I’m not alone and I can count on YOU, and place in my path those that can help me bare this burden. Please allow me to continue to help others bare their crosses and allow my home to be rebuilt, better than it was before. God I know I’m not alone, and I know that in all things you are in control, and in You all things are possible. AMEN…

 

 

 

 

 

How do you communicate with God?

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How do you communicate with God?

For new Christians I’ve heard this question asked many time over, ‘How do I talk to God?’ I’ve always thought of God as an unquantifiable being that deserved the utmost respect. When I talk to God I feel as if I’m talking to an old friend, but the truth is, if we follow scripture we need to remember our place. Philippians 4:6 “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.” In all things be thankful to God. Thank God for the good and the bad knowing that even in the bad there is hope and there is purpose. We may not understand the purpose but the understanding though it would be nice, isn’t required of us. Luke 11:9 “And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” Do not mistake this verse. This verse is talking about heaven and the Holy Spirit. The God of all is King over all. We need to remember that when we ask, we ask humbly. God is not Santa Clause and doe not ‘owe’ you anything. We were not owed eternal salvation; it was given, and given at a high cost. If God never gave us anything we ever asked for we would still have more then we deserved in the grace of Heaven.

We as Christians are called to do more then pray. While we do pray for everything under the sun, and not just our galactic wish list, we are supposed to pray for one another. More then just praying for one another we are supposed to confess to one another. James 5:16 “Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” Part of our communications is talking with and praying for other Christians. We are part of the 3-way call and although our generation rarely uses the phone to ‘TALK’ to anyone, back in the day we used to talk to more then one friend in a conversation over the phone. While no one on this early plane can absolve you of your sins, we are still supposed to encourage others by knowing when they failed, lift them up and help them seek the right path. Knowing when people fail doesn’t make them any less worthy. We all fail on different levels, but no matter what it is, failure happens. It is in our failures we learn the most, so as Christians we are commanded NOT to judge, not shouldn’t judge, and it’s in this moment we turn to the Lord in prayer and as for the forgiveness of sins.

“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” Hebrews 4:16 Pray with conviction, but with respect. Pray for answers when you are lost and do not know the way. Allow the questions to come forth, and allow the Lord to answer and teach you. Even if we do not know the words or how to explain it, God knows. We need only to thank God for being in our lives, thank God for the blessings and respect the phenomenal cosmic power. We know God is more then just a genie to come to our beckon call. First God can and has brought people back from the dead, and no I don’t mean Zombie. Second, although God doesn’t and wont force love because of the nature of free will, God will do everything to place you in favorable situation to meet the right person for you. And well, how you handle it whether you blow it or not is on you.

Either way you look at it, God is our King. God is our Abba (Father) and should be treated with the fear and respect you would have for anyone that could squish the whole earth like a Vader force choke in a second. Have respect, but always approach God with everything on your heart.

 

I Volunteer As Tribute.

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I Volunteer As Tribute.

One of the first things we are told in the military is never volunteer for anything. To volunteer in the military is usually a recipe for disaster. Usually to offer your time means some horrible thankless job that you’d regret being apart of. Luke 6:35 “But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.” Even when it look rough, or horrible to give your personal time even when it looks like you won’t get anything out of it, to sacrifice for the greater good is something we’re called to do. Proverbs 11:24 “One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want.”

I heard a story recently of a love offering at my church for two families who were in dire need. While collecting the offering a member of one of the families put money into the offering plate. No matter the circumstance we should remember to give. I myself have struggled with that concept. I am always hesitant to give cash when I am not getting any. I can honestly say I have failed in my call to give. Giving is about loving. No matter if you give money, or time, or hospitality, follow 1 Corinthians 16:14 “Let all that you do be done in love.”

I can only hope that as time moves forward my unwillingness to give is forgiven and in time I can change my attitude about giving, and see what happens. As for giving there is more then one way to give. I may not have been overly giving as of late financially, but I do believe my willingness to give my time to teach the gospel accounts for something. A few months ago one of my subordinates didn’t have the funds needed to get himself lunch at work. At the time I knew I didn’t have the cash, or the money in my checking account so I chose to put it on my credit card. I got my officer lunch and even though I knew it meant I wouldn’t get anything, I was happy that my officer was fed and happy. My time in the service even though short taught me to always take care of your soldiers. As a follower of Christ I believe God is the same way. I believe God always takes care of his Children, especially the ones who fight for him. Back in September I swore to be a Soldier for Christ and to teach and preach the Gospel. As I have always had a soldiers mentality, I believe this has been my calling all along. I felt a calling towards the Bible all my life but I ran from it. It appears we are to go through training before we take our place. The Lord wants us to volunteer to be a soldier. It may take time but if God wants us to serve, He’ll have his way, one way or another. No real use fighting it, the pain and trials that we go through prepare us for our mission.

To serve the Lord is an honorable calling, and I feel honored yet not worthy to do so. I hope and pray at the very least this Blog is pleasing to Him. It doesn’t seem prudent to run away from a calling. I consider what would have been like had King David run away from his calling to be King. I consider the same for George Washington, or Neal Armstrong. How vastly different our history would be if any one of our influential individuals in history denied their calling.

So to wrap up, in the words of Katniss Everdeen “I Volunteer as Tribute” speaking to God of course. To volunteer for a cause greater then oneself is an honorable one. Ministry is no different then law enforcement and medical response services. To serve is to give.

The Lonely Tree

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The Lonely Tree

 The tree stands in the middle of the forest. It’s not the biggest or the tallest, but it’s still a good tree. It’s surrounded by the forest on all sides, with some of the biggest, prettiest trees. This tree isn’t special or unique in any way. There’s nothing that makes this tree stand out in the greatness and wonders of the beauty it’s surrounded by. This tree like many others survived from a seedling, to the tree it is today. The tree flows in the wind, the leaves rustle just a bit. The branches are sturdy as are the roots. Birds come and go but pay the tree no mind. The occasional squirrel plays to and fro the branches, but sadly the tree has no hope to make friends with the squirrels or the birds. Along come the spiders that only use the tree, expect the tree to not mind the silky webs being strewn about in any manor the spiders want.

The tree wonders to itself why couldn’t I grow in a nice back yard someplace? Someplace where a couple kids would climb, and laugh, have a swing, or a glorious tree house to invite their friends over to play. Then the tree would stand out and be important. The kids would love that tree, and there they would create memories of the tree that they would have forever. Surrounded by other trees this tree is lonely. What can this tree do to feel better?

The Tree grows day after day, bigger and bigger it reaches for the sky. For years this tree stands in the forest questioning it’s existence. “Why am I here Lord?” the tree asks. “I have a plan for you, but be patient.” God said in return. So the lonely tree continued to host the spiders, the squirrels, the occasional birds and waited as God commanded.

Several more years had passed and the tree felt even more alone and out of place. The tree can’t believe there is no purpose. The day came when there was much commotion in the forest. Men flooded the forest with large pieces of equipment. “God I’m scared” said the tree. “You’ve been faithful to your own understanding. You’ve been home too many and you’ve lived a long life. You’ve given yourself to a cause and you’ve been patient, and for that you will give back in ways you can only dream of.” “I don’t understand what you mean God.” Responded the tree. “Trust in me, have faith, and you will.” God reassured the tree. “All I’ve ever wanted to be was special.” Said the tree. “You will be more special then you could ever imagine.” Replied God.

In the following days the men with the equipment were cutting down other trees. The day came when the men started to cut down the old tree. “I’m scared.” Said the tree. “My child, just as men, there’s a plan for all my creation. You will help reach almost a hundred people. My darling tree you are destined to be used to print Bibles. You will be made into Bibles that will be sent all over the world. Your sacrifice, your purpose will create nearly 100 Bibles. Those Bibles will touch the lives of almost 100 people and offer an opportunity for my children to know me.” “I am honored to give back my Lord.” Said the tree. “You’ve never been alone, and you never will be alone.” Replied God.

No mater what we think of our lives, we don’t know what God will plan for us. We don’t know our usefulness. What we do know is when we give the Glory to God, when we give faithfully, we will be given in return. Proverbs 28:20 “A faithful man will abound with blessings, but whoever hastens to be rich will not go unpunished.” And finally Luke 16:10 “One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.” As the tree was faithful for all those years and all it wanted was to be useful, to be bigger then what it was. The tree’s prayers would be answered after a lifetime of waiting. Sometimes God will say No because it’s not the right time, or it’s not what’s good for us. You don’t have to be the biggest, or strongest, fastest or smartest in order for God to use you. You only need to be willing to be a servant for God and you shall be blessed for it. No matter whom you are or how you think you don’t fit in, you will always fit in, in Gods kingdom.

It’s Been A Long Road Getting From There To Here

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It’s Been A Long Road Getting From There To Here

Most of you probably don’t know the song that title is from, ‘Where my heart will take me’. The song speaks of a journey, a long one but finally after a long time a breakthrough, and following your heart, and faith to achieve anything because of strength of that faith and soul.

Do we have faith like that? Do we have faith in God to grant us peace in the storm? Do we have faith that God will be our light in the darkness? Do we have faith that when we are down on our knees with no where left to turn God will lift us on the wings of Angels and give us reprieve from our assorted sufferings?

There’s so much in my heart that is full of pain, it’s full of doubt, its full of fear. Multiple times over I’ve faced death. I’ve seen death in the eyes, and I’ve overcome. I’ve seen RPG’s just barely pass by me. I’ve been caught in explosions, I’ve been shot, I’ve been just seconds from death. Every step every turn I’ve been protected by Gods hands. Because Christ lives in me I have managed to overcome. No matter the long road, the destination is beyond the stars. I pray my soul to find peace. I pray that because Jesus lives I will be saved of this pain and tomorrow the day of our salvation will hold true in my heart.

As I struggle with myself, it’s my own weakness. Faith in the Lord is a hard thing to keep. It isn’t the Lord part that’s tough; knowing that because of God I am safe. Because of God I am a free man. Because of God I am alive and the only thing that matters is His love. The world may beat me, the world may torture me, but it’s the life of Jesus Christ, a high price, but I am saved in that love.

The road I’ve traveled has been a rocky road full of pain and suffering. Days like today I struggle to maintain my positive outlook, but the truth is there’s no reason I shouldn’t be positive. Christ has Risen for me. Knowing that if Christ had to die for just me, he would have. A love like that should never go to waist.

As I have lost so much, as I have had to sacrifice so much, it’s never as much as our Lord sacrificed for us. When life does me wrong, keep moving forward. When trouble knocks at the door be sure to raise to the Lord your hands in prayer, and lift our weary soul to our Almighty God. Lift higher and higher to the Lord. We may never be worthy of Gods love, but we have it anyway. Put your own ambitions aside, God will provide.

No matter the road I’ve traveled, here I am, by Gods purpose, and Gods design. I’m here typing to show there is hope. Hope for tomorrow; hope for today because in all things darkness cannot survive the light. The darkness cannot snuff out the light, but the light will always overtake the darkness. Embrace the change of the light inside you. Let the Light of Christ fill your heart and let it change you. Be born again of the light. Even in the darkest of nights the stars will shine, and will guide your path. Look to the sky and see what’s written in the stars. The Lord gives us a sign and we must follow. The Lord will always say “Trust in Me.” So in the starlight, even the words can be seen when you know how to look.

Change of Plans

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Change of Plans

 People keep asking me what my plans for the future are. Now that everything in my life has fallen to pieces, the time has come to come up with a new plan. What do we do though when life doesn’t go according to our own ideas? The case can be made that since we are just pieces on the board we cannot see the whole board. The day may come when the strength of this man may fail, but I will not allow failure for as long as I draw breath, or at least that’s my plan.

God however has a different perspective. Proverbs 16:9 “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” We take our life one step at a time, one small journey or adventure at a time. I often feel as if I am wondering in the woods alone and lost. As time ticks away I have to remind myself that I am not in control, and I must ask for guidance, ask for help, seek wise counsel. The fear that comes knowing we are not to be in command of our own destiny, but the Lord above has all the power.

Lately that worry and concern seems to have consumed my everyday waking thought. I have been left with the difficult task to force myself to trust in God. The constant undertaking to believe in the plan that I myself cannot see, is hard to say the least. The end may come, but we will never be alone. Lost we may feel, but truly we are not.

Someone asked me once how God could allow so much bad to happen in this world. Why children who’ve not yet grown should die early in life. The impact of one life can change the course of a life beyond our understanding, beyond our wildest dreams. One stone may not change the course of the river, but that same stone on a narrow wooded path can change ones footing, and that could change a great deal in that regard.

My goals in life where to get married and have kids to carry on my family name and blood, but as I am now older each major step in that direction has failed, I sadly question the why. I have lost two great loves in my life, and now as the change affects me more and more every day, I wonder what is the next step for me. As this blog has been a major outlet for me, and an outreach to others, I pray that I can continue to reach others in Christ’s name. We are but pieces on the board, but what piece are we? Look at some of the greatest most influential people in history, I am sure growing up they had no idea how important they would be in history.

We cannot judge our own importance because we ourselves are too close to fully understand our worth. The plans we have for ourselves are always going to change, they are always going to adapt, and sometimes we just need to let go of the reins and let God handle the details. The amount of faith it takes to uproot and move across the country, across the world, is great. Sometimes it’s necessary to do so without a plan, without a long-term objective, but that’s what faith is sometimes. A blind leap and pray that God will catch you before you hit the bottom. Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” The final word I give to you is that of Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”