Tag: faith

Life in the Fast Lane

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Life in the Fast Lane

As Americans we devote almost every minute of our day focusing on trivial pursuits. We are busy so much in our day we often wish for more time, just to do more. The problem with more time is we never use the time we are given wisely. We squander it in our own pursuits, but not in ways that would be pleasing to God. We may not be a bad person, but are we really doing Gods work? Proverbs 21:5 “5 The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness; but of every one that is hasty only to want.” When we rush through life and we react from one day to the next it’s easy to get swept up and carried away with the world. Do we take the time to have silent reflection? Do we take the time to talk to God through prayers? Do we hastily make decisions without putting thought to them? Do we make those decisions based on feelings or are those decisions based on what would be pleasing to God?

The world tells us all of the feel good things that we should try, or experience. The world expects us to always be full throttle, from dawn till dusk work, push yourself to the limit, sleep and get up and do it again. If we are running around so much where are the moments of clarity, where are the moments of peace, where is the time for prayer? Ecclesiastes 3:1-14 “3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. 9 What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth? 10 I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it. 11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end. 12 I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life. 13 And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God. 14 I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.” I firmly believe that working hard is a Christian’s duty. I also believe however that working hard and enjoying the fruits of that labor is important. God wants us to enjoy our lives. We only get one of them. We need to make a difference with the time we have. There is a time for everything and we must be able to know the difference.

Americans it seems have a hard time taking the time to slow down. Do parents slow down and spend the quality time with their children? Do married couples take the time to truly love one another? Do we take the time to speak to our friends when they are in need? When we are so busy in our lives we forget the common decencies we have failed. Do we get so busy in our lives we can’t respond, take 10 seconds to send a text to let them know we are busy and that we will get back to them. We don’t return calls, we don’t send letters, we don’t do the smallest simplest things the let someone know we care.

Some people on the flip side of the coin do pay attention. Some people make the time to make sure their closest friends and loved ones are taken care of. Some people are so generous it’s unbelievable. Some people even as busy as there life is, they take the time to love and be generous, and live life, live a Godly life.

For me, from an early age I found it easy to take time for others. Sadly I failed in other areas. I’ve had more then enough life altering events. The day our life ends we forever loose the ability to make things right. What happens if the day it ends is also the same day it begins? If you were given a second chance to change the way you live your life, would you? How quickly do we forget what’s important in this one life we get? If we woke up one morning and found out someone we neglected wasn’t there anymore would you feel you did everything you could for that person, be there, talk to, signs of caring? Sadly in life we often miss out on the small opportunities we have to make a difference. It’s not just the big things that matter; it’s the same things also. Everyday we have the chance to reinvent ourselves, to be a better person then we were the day before, if only we realized and respected how short of a time we have, or how short of a time our loved ones have. Do not take the gifts we are given for granted. Do not underestimate the time we have. Be a joy in someone’s life. Love your life and love your friends and family. Don’t take them for granted.

Take your life out of the fast lane and slow down. See the beauty in the world around you. See the trees, the grass, the flowers, the animals, and the wonderful creation God has made for us. It only takes a few moments a day to make a difference. How will you make a difference today?

Slow down and listen.

Survivors Guilt

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Survivors Guilt

It’s been 12 years since the day it happened. 12 years ago the way I perceived time and life, the way I viewed my enemies, and the day I questioned my own self worth all changed. I don’t recall the time of day, or even the day of the week, but in Iraq none of that really matters unless you have a mission briefing, or a start time for the mission. The mission itself was simple, Early morning sunrise our mission started. Due to my injury I was a dismount during the mission. I was moved from my normal truck to dismount for someone else. We where looking for ways insurgents might be smuggling weapons into Ramadi. Our mission was to travel along the railroad tracks, and mark on GPS possible points small cars could fit through, and bypass our checkpoints. My knee killing me, and still slightly swollen I sat in back of the Humvee looking out the window. We where coming up to the railroad tracks, and the dirt cross over when a sinking gut feeling came over me. I’d never had a feeling like this before, but I felt I had to say something. I told my driver to look out for wires. He responded “Are you afraid of IED’S?” My feeling in my gut wouldn’t go away. The mission continued as normal. We went from point to point logging them, and noting them on the GPS. On our way back we stopped at a house to talk to the owner. Waiting outside and keeping watch I could hear the discussion going on at the front door. He had a single AK, but several magazines. According to law he could have 1 rifle, and 2 magazines. He argued they where for alibaba, or thiefs. Regardless, the man was forced to give up the rest of his mags. It was about that time I was looking over toward the railroad tracks. I didn’t know what I was looking at, at the time. I saw the plume of smoke first, and then the sound wave hit me. The biggest boom I’d ever heard, and the biggest bloom of smoke I’d ever seen. In the midst of the black smoke I could see a tan object 200 feet in the air. I refused to believe I saw what I thought I saw. Then our squad leader yelled IED. That’s when I realized what was had happened.

 

                                    NOTE THE FOLLOWING IS VERY GRAFIC

 We all raced back to the truck, and before the doors where shut we where hauling our butts back up to the tracks. We rounded the corner at what seemed like 60 mph. It came over the radio that Saber 4 was the truck hit. Coming up the hill we could see the truck. It looked to be in two pieces. (Out of respect of the families I’ll be keeping their names private.) I jumped out and went to the back of the truck to grab the Aid bag. Running as fast as I could with my knee still swollen, I came to the first person I could see. I recognized the mangled body instantly. A close friend of mine lay there lifeless, pale, and unresponsive. His wounds where extensive, he had massive lacerations on both legs, cuts on his neck and arms. He had a very low pulse, but before starting compressions I wanted to tie off his legs. If he where to survive I knew he’d loose his legs. I tied the tunicate as tight as I could, but it didn’t seem to matter how tight I pulled. The rope just wasn’t getting the job done. I did the best I could with it, and moved on to compressions. I check again for a pulse but this time I felt nothing. I started compressions. I pushed hard over and over. I counted each thrust, and then felt for a pulse again. I felt a low pulse, and waited for a medic. A medic I thought, our medic was in this truck! Where was he? Again feeling for a pulse and there wasn’t one. I needed to keep his heart going. I started compressions again, this time I wouldn’t stop. I pushed and pushed. I don’t know how long I pushed but eventually one of the other medics came up to me, and knelt down next to me. He reached for a pulse and said there wasn’t one. Based on how soft his chest was, and the lack of blood, Doc called him gone KIA, killed in action. I screamed at him that he wasn’t gone, but doc told me I had to let him go. I screamed no at him again, that I felt a pulse. He said something to me again, but I wasn’t listening, I was doing compressions again. Doc grabbed me from behind and pulled me off and held me in his arms. “He’s gone (My Name) .” He said softly in my ear. He held me while I struggled to get free. “(My Name) he’s gone.” He said again. I relaxed my muscles and he let me know. I leaned back to my friend. I closed his eyes, and covered his face with his fractured vest. I stood up in a fog. I looked around for our medic. Where was he? I was still unsure at what all was happening. I asked my squad leader. He was still missing. Looking around I saw a tan object about 40 meters away in the water. I asked if that was him, and was told it was too far. Leaving my rifle behind by my fallen friend I walked the road looking for my missing medic friend. He had to be in the water. He was driving. He was on that side, but wasn’t on the hill. I slid down the side of the hill, and left my vest aside. I slipped into the freezing cold water. Another buddy got in on the other side of the pond and swam to the same tan colored object I saw. I looked at his face when he got there. It told me everything I needed to know. He was gone, but I just didn’t know how bad, or the images that would haunt my dreams. He swam to me to get our friend out of the water. Lifting him out I saw how bad the injuries where. The explosion severed everything from belly button down. By this time several of the guys met us at the top of the hill to help lift our fallen medic out of the water. The side of the hill was mud, and while lifting my footing slipped, and I fell forward. I landed face first on doc’s stomach. Barely holding it together I pushed myself up and after they got Doc up and on the stretcher, a few of the guys went back to the water to look for more remains. I was helped out of water and up the hill. I grabbed my vest, my rifle, and still in a haze made my way back to my truck. I put my vest back on, and stood there looking around with a fog over my head. The captain who looked at my knee just days before was in critical, the only survivor. Our platoon Sergeant was also killed. We mounted up to escort our friend back to camp to get him off on a helicopter to Baghdad. In the 5 minute drive back radio traffic told us Doc didn’t make it. The first physician assistant to be killed during the war in Iraq. By the time we got back the Charlie med we were greeted with two of our great female medic friends. Getting down from the humvee they asked who. I didn’t realize how I said it till it came out of my mouth, but it was cold, and blunt. I couldn’t feel anything, I was still processing. All the medics much like the scouts where close friends. The girls cried, and us guys where angry. My truck commander crabbed me and swore we’d find um and kill um. I nodded in agreement. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to think.

Since then I have found myself replaying that day over in my head from time to time. The days where my anxiety is higher, or something happens to remind myself of worse times. I was then and occasionally now suffer from what’s known as survivor’s guilt. Along with the events of that dreadful day, I have an abundance of other trauma’s and my own run ins with Hell on Earth. I felt guilty for years that my gut was telling me something was wrong that day. Even though I did say something, it didn’t matter though the outcome was the same. 12 years later I still feel guilty and ashamed. I know in my heart there was nothing more I could have done to save anyone, or prevent the tragedy from happening, but my head lies to me. Now I have gone through my own physical traumas and I am faced with a new problem every day. I do hope and pray that one day I might find myself more at peace, not just from my time in Iraq, but times from before, and after.

It’s not easy loosing loved ones to cheating, or other means. The first thing is to evaluate reasonably the level of guilt that is owed to you. No one is innocent when a relationship ends, but to what level is the culpability of guilt. When we look at the Gospel we see a man Crucified that was innocent of any wrongdoing. He died to free us from eternal damnation. His death left us with hope. It is in that hope that I find comfort. No matter how hard my day, no matter how badly I feel I remember that I am a faithful child of the King. I will one day take up my place in the Kingdom and live in peace and harmony. I will not only see my loved ones who’ve died before me, but all my friends from Iraq, not just the 4 from that day, but everyone we lost. I will also see my friends who’ve died over the years. With as many people as I’ve lost close to me you’d think I was in my 60’s or 70’s. Sadly that’s not the case.

There are several lies the Devil tells to us and it’s our job to fight them.

Lie #1 You were supposed to die.

This couldn’t be further from the truth. If it were your time God would have taken you. If you’ve survived it was for a purpose, a greater meaning. We never know what our worth is, and what our part to play is. We may not always be directly responsible for something great, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t have a role to play.

LIE #2: YOU OWE A DEBT TO THE DEAD.

You don’t owe the dead anything. You owe it to yourself and those around you to honor the deads memory. You must continue to live so the memory of your friends or those you couldn’t save can live on in our hearts.

LIE #3: YOU COULD HAVE PREVENTED THE DEAD FROM DYING.

Unless you’re God, which you aren’t, you cannot control if someone lives or dies. Firefighters can’t save everyone. Police can’t save everyone. Paramedics can’t save everyone, and it’s not practical to think we have the power to alter the plan. We may not always know why God takes a little child, or the honor roll student and not the drug dealer, but again the big picture we can’t see. We must have faith in God.

LIE #4: YOU ARE LESS WORTHY THAN THE PEOPLE WHO DIED.

This is just utter nonsense. Feeling down about your own self worth, thinking they were a better man, or woman then you, thinking the world would have been a better place without you and have them instead is just nonsense. Even if we could see into the future, we are all special. We’ve all overcome great odds just to be born. The Lord doesn’t make mistakes. When the world is hard, and we feel low and discouraged, that’s when it’s most important to turn to the Lord and ask for help. Seek Godly counsel from close friends who live for the Lord.

LIE #5: YOU ARE DEFINED BY YOUR PAST.

This is the one I struggle with most. In my past I am worried that telling people of my past they judge me on it. That somehow everything I’ve gone through will one day come back to haunt me. My past is what has molded me to be the man I am. I wouldn’t be here Blogging, or helping others, getting involved with ministry, had it not been for the horrible things that happened. Why was I bullied as a child, why did I move around so much, why did I loose so many friends, why have I lost two loves in my life? The answer is never simple, but it was part of the plan. We must not be our own worst critics in defining our future by our past. Make every day a new day and believe in yourself. It’s hard for others to believe in us if we don’t show ourselves the same amount of respect. Don’t let your past define you future. Put your past behind you, and focus on the good you can pull from it. Focus on the stories the testimony you can offer to those struggling through similar times.

After loosing two loves from my life I often feel similar symptoms to a death in the family. Someday my princess will come into my life. Someday I will find a place to build my castle to call Camelot. Someday I’ll find my peace in this world. Someday the battle will be over and God wiling I will be able to make and have my own family. Patience if seems is my biggest fight. I have faith.

Don’t let go, don’t give up because you may have lived to leave behind a great legacy. Don’t stunt your own growth by living in the past. When you live in the past you miss your present, and destroy your future. We only get one shot at this life, and because of it, we need to have fun. Enjoy life, and God will provide for us the fruits of our labor, and replace the suffering with adulation and love.

 

Good Deeds

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Good Deeds

Today while I was at Walmart I had just packed up the car and put my service dog in the back seat. As I was getting ready to back out I see this elderly woman looking around with a bewildered expression on her face. I could tell just by looking at her she misplaced her car. I’m familiar with the look from years of working in public service. I got out of my vehicle and asked if she needed assistance. She said almost ashamed she couldn’t find her car. After a few minutes another gentleman offered to help. With the 3 of us looking in the small parking lot it didn’t take long to find the vehicle.

In today’s lifestyle in this country we are often ‘to busy’ to help out others in need. We often feel it’s not our business, or someone else will do it. Hebrews 13:16 “16 But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.” We never know the gifts in our paths or the differences we can make. James 1:17 “17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” The fact I was in the right place at the right time is Gods gift for that Woman. It’s an honor to have been of service. The look on her face, the joy we brought to her was worth the 15 minutes I spent looking for her car. And Riley (my service dog) didn’t mind the wait. Service is what she does.

Every person can be special, and unique like a flower. We must be both strong as steel and as delicate as a flower.

Collateral Damage

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Collateral Damage 

In life we are promised salvation, but we aren’t promised a life without pain or suffering. In my past I have questioned why God would let bad things happen to me, I would question why I was destined for so much pain. The truth is neither simple nor straightforward, but what is clear is that God allows free will to reign on this planet. Other people’s decisions are often the cause of unintended misfortune. The greatest of truths is we have the power to follow the path set before us, to listen to what God wants by paying attention. When we stray from that path we will find obstacles we weren’t intended to face. When others make choices against Gods plan or design we are often the collateral damage. Every day on this planet a hidden war is being waged and there are always casualties in war. We may not be able to see the battles being waged but trust to know it’s real. The battles are for the very annihilation of our salvation to Christ. The Devil wants nothing more to stop as many souls from joining God in heaven. What better way to fight for someone’s soul then to fire as many volleys as you can to constantly push them back, force someone to always be on the defensive. When the Devil gets an edge he won’t quit, he’ll never stop fighting to break the bond between God and you. God has soldiers on this planet. God has chosen people to fight for him, people of faith, who will stop at nothing then to gather and build the flock. He wants his soldiers to follow the 11 Apostles who went out into the world and taught his word. The devil wants to destroy those soldiers and as promised in the Word, to be Christian is to face suffering, to face pain, to be targeted. Our pain is part of the war. We mustn’t let the Devils attacks draw us away from the battlefield. We must remember when we feel outnumbered and we feel like surrender, the words God has spoken. Ephesians 6;12 “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” 2 Corinthians 10:3-4 “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.”

Radical Acceptance

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Radical Acceptance

First, what is it? Radical acceptance is all the way, complete and total. It’s accepting in your heart, mind and body that some things are beyond our control. If we refuse to accept reality for whatever reason the effectiveness of our crisis management skills could be dramatically affected.

We may not want to accept the sky is blue but that doesn’t change what is. When things get really bad we sometimes have a problem accepting the facts as they are. When we get to the point we finally accept the truth we can start to handle the crisis as it happens. Things like the death of loved ones, loosing a job or career, and loosing a relationship can all have drastic affects on our lives. Radical acceptance is not much different then the Serenity prayer.

Serenity Prayer

 God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

 It’s not something that comes easily, but it can happen with practice. It takes inner commitment, developing a plan, and a change in your mindset. We need these concepts to help us when the excrement from hitting the fan. If left unchecked our emotions can get the best of us and push us to extreme reactions.

Have faith and believe that the worst. John 16:33 “These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” Jesus tells us with God on our side we can overcome a great many things. Isaiah 40:31 “Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.” The world can be a cruel and unforgiving place. Find hope when it seems like there is none because even if we can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there. The future may not be known, but even the smallest of drops can make big changes.

Revelation 3:21 ‘He who overcomes, I will grant to him to sit down with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne.”

The Man in the Mirror

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The Man in the Mirror

Do we look at the world and expect it to change on it’s own? How often do we look at the hungry, the sick, the disparaged, the homeless, and think someone should do something to change that. We roll up our windows and drive off, pick up the pace to walk quicker, and look the other way as to not make eye contact. Are we embarrassed by them, or are we embarrassed that we live so much better? Are we ashamed of what we have, or is it the shame that we don’t give like we should, that we ourselves don’t try to make a difference? My personal thought is we don’t try to make a difference. We see a problem, but place the responsibility on someone else to fix it.

We may just be a drop of water in the bucket, but from the first drop water follows the path of water. Once the water starts moving in a direction more water will follow. You can be the trend setter, you can be the voice that’s heard in the dark. To borrow a line from Michael Jackson, “If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself then make that change.” It’s amazing how one voice can change the course of history. King David, Martin Luther King. Jr., Eddison, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, all who’s voice was heard, all who were not born into what they become, but were molded into it. Billy Graham’s voice is one of the loudest voices we hear in the Christian world.

When we see wrong when we see the error in someone’s ways we have been told in today’s world to accept people, to be tolerant of other world views. I say this is a load of crap. Will I try to push my beliefs on someone else by force? NO! Will I however call you out if you are sinning up a storm? You Betcha! James 5:20 “remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.”

We can reach hundreds just by volunteering at soup kitchens, relief shelters, and not just to make status, or to gain favor in God because God will know the true reason you do it. You have to do it because you generally want to, that you want to make a difference. Hebrews 13:16 “And don’t forget to do good and to share with those in need. These are the sacrifices that please God.”

Hebrews 10:24-25 “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” We must encourage others by being there for them. Unlike Job and his friends who abandoned him, we must fellowship and bring others up especially those in need. It’s amazing how fast we leave someone and return to our lives isn’t it? A funeral we might see the one who lost their loved one get support for a week, maybe two, then it’s back to business. Does the pain and loneliness stop after a week? What about a broken marriage? Someone who lived with that spouse for years is all of a sudden on his or her own. In today’s world how hard is it to send a quick text? How hard is it to call for 5 minutes just to let them know you’re thinking of them? The difference that one call or text could make is beyond comprehension. I won’t get into to suicide in this post, but a quick note, that one call, that one text could be the difference in total despair or hope. Just keep that in mind. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” Don’t be afraid to help others. Even if all you can do is talk for a bit, or listen, it’s more than enough for some to have that connection. Galatians 6:2 “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.”

 You can be the change this world needs even if just in your own little world. Never underestimate your own worth, your own voice. If you are doing God’s work the rest doesn’t matter. God can and will use you to do great things. We should never underestimate the power of the Lord through us. Make the change by being the change. Change yourself, and give the Glory to God.

The Mask

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The Mask

Do you act and behave differently in public then you do in your own home? How about with friends or even different friends, do you treat people differently based on the group you’re with? The sad fact is even if it doesn’t happen as an adult, it does happen at some point in our lives.

As we go through life our life do we hide away our true thoughts and feelings? What about with the people we have sworn to love and cherish?

No matter the mask we wear the lord sees through us. The ill intent of your heart cannot remain hidden from. God. 1 Samuel 16:7 “7 But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”

In our own space do we harbor evil thoughts for someone or a group of people? God sees what we do and think. We may hide away our feelings forever, but the worst is when you pretend to treat others well claim one thing, and lie to them, showing your true nature. For some people the truth is hard to handle. Proverbs 26:24-28 “Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly. Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling. A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin.”

We must not bear false witness and it is this author’s opinion that means lying about who we are to others and ourselves. We cannot claim to love and harbor ill will towards others. We cannot wear the mask forever. One day our true nature will come shining through whether it’s good or bad. Luke 12:1-3 12 “In the mean time, when there were gathered together an innumerable multitude of people, insomuch that they trode one upon another, he began to say unto his disciples first of all, Beware ye of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. 2 For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known. 3 Therefore whatsoever ye have spoken in darkness shall be heard in the light; and that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets shall be proclaimed upon the housetops.” 

Finding out one day someone was not who they claimed to be is perhaps the hardest upset someone can ever go through. Believing so faithfully, so truthfully, so blindly that the truth was so devastating. The day the mask was pulled away and the face that was no longer recognizable is beyond words. The upset not only tore the house down but shook and cracked the foundation of everything I believed in. (That’s a hard lesson for another time.) The truth that was reveled to me that day would have a resonating effect through my whole life. Never again will I let a mask break me. Placing faith in all the wrong places. I have taken off my mask, have you taken off yours?

God sees all and knows all. How we treat others, and how we reveal our true selves will be judged in the end times. We cannot hide away behind our different masks forever. Treating others with respect and love all the time. Be not a hypocrite, and be not a wolf spreading lies and deceits, but live honestly, live life with love, and compassion. Let the world see you for who you really are because God sees you for who you really are. Take off your mask and be the Man God wants you to be. Do not be the ill intent, the liar, the deceiver, and the cruel. Matthew 22:37 “37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.”

You cannot hide the evil within forever. The true nature of your heart will shine through eventually. The person you try to hide from the world, the truth will have its day. Change your heart by allowing Christ into it. Who you are in deepest caverns of your soul should also be what the world sees. Be remembered as someone of absolute beauty outside and inside. Take off the mask.

Duality

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Duality
When something is liked and disliked at the same time, loved and hated, and okay and not okay at the same time.

When you wait all day for an absolution that would never come, when you look for peace that never seems to come. Waiting for God to send His Angels to pull you out of the wreckage of your life. When the Angels never come, but that voice inside your head tells you God’s with you. The snakes are nipping at your heals and you keep climbing higher and higher to get away, the beautiful escape. We never plan for the world to crumble, and we never plan on falling to our knees at the brink of a broken world, screaming to the heavens to save us. You’ve been a good soldier, a faithful man and in that moment the snakes, the vultures are tossed away. Saved by God, moved from broken to mending.

The faith it takes to overcome the world is Jesus. So why do I hate myself so much? Why do I feel so low about whom I am? The going gets rough and some hate God, some hate people, some hate themselves. That’s where my own duality comes into play. I both love and hate who I am. The fact that God loves me I know I’m special. I know I’m someone worthwhile, but I’ve largely not been treated well by others throughout my whole life. I’ve not been beaten and tortured, I’ve suffered loss, and blame. God thought tells us that we cannot put our faith in mankind because man is sinful and that sinful nature will let you down, will hurt you, and the Devil through Sin will find any little chink in the human armor and infiltrate like a virus, replicating, until sinful desire is all that’s left.

The same goes with the little whispers inside my own head. The negative whispers I hear are the Devil or his minions telling me lies, that hidden war going on all around us that we cannot see. The truth is the helmet is supposed to help, and it does so long as we keep our head in the Bible and don’t let ourselves get distracted by the world.

Don’t shut God out; don’t keep the gates closed from God. God doesn’t want us to be alone, God wants us to have someone, God wants us to know that He is always with us. God’s blessings and guidance, and the army of Angels are always by our side. When we finally realize this, when we finally tear down the walls we will realize that Love has been there all along. The season of love is always. We can’t let the trials of this world build walls and defenses. Love concurs all. Love is the strongest of emotions, strongest of actions, and that Love shows me that there is no Winter of love, no Fall of love, there’s just love. We will suffer heartbreak from love, but Love is a gift from up above, and that’s the only Love that really matters.

Take the duality inside and shatter that mirror and let God take up both sides in your heart.

HOLD ME

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 HOLD ME

My God my God I need your love. I need your grace, and I need your mercy. My God my God, I am lonely at night, and I need your love. My God my God, I’m afraid at night even though I fight with all my might. The silence in my world, I hate these silent nights. I want to calm my heart from the storm inside. My God my God, I’m on my knees, I’m praying to you oh Lord. Wrap me in your arms tonight and protect me. My God my God I trust in you, I believe in you. My God my God you can protect me from all these problems, you can free my soul, and bring me peace today.

My God my God please Hold Me today for I am weary. My God I read your words, and I hear your voice. I know of Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” I feel you here, and I stay on my knees. I know you Love me my God, and I know I am safe. I know that in time this nightmare will leave me.

Oh my God I trust in you. Ephesians 3:17-19 “So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” When the storm inside is strong, and it thunders so loud in the silence, I pray to you my Lord. Quiet the storm and protect my spirit.

My enemies are vast oh Lord, but not of man, of the loneliness I feel. Romans 5:8 “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” I know you gave me so much Lord, and I know I should not ask, but put your arms around me Lord and protect me this day. 1 John 4:16 “So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.”

 Today, or this night my Lord, you will provide me happiness in your Holy Name. I trust in you, and I know that in my heart you are with me. One day I will find what I seek according to your will my Lord. You will raise me up, and protect me. You will give me serenity in my time of crisis. I do not hate my enemies Lord, and I pray for those who’ve brought forth pain unto me. I believe in you, and your commandments my Lord. 1 John 4:19 “We love because he first loved us.”

When I rest my head to sleep, I trust in you to give me peace. When I rest my soul I know where my truth resides. I tear down my walls and trust in you. I’m not looking for a miracle, just looking for some peace of mind. I know all things are possible Lord and in your time. Hold me tonight let me know it’s going to be all right. I am on my knees praying for a win, praying for a change, and I know it’ll happen. You gotta have faith, and I’ve got faith.

 

I’m not going back

thearrowpreacher11 Comments

I’m not going back

 We can’t live our lives in the past. We can’t focus on the shoulda’s, the coulda’s, the woulda’s. When the bad things in life come and go we can’t stay in the past. We can’t focus on the negatives; we can’t focus on why things happened, or the how. We can evaluate the problem and create a solution to prevent it from happening again, but once created you have to implement, and move forward. Living in the past is unhealthy, and dangerous. When we live in the past we never live in our present, and damage our future. When we put the past in a box and never deal with it, like the left over’s in the box in the fridge the past will come back to haunt you with a vengeance.

When you find Jesus in your life it’s like the veil has been removed, taken off forever. Why would you want to go back? Why would you want to live under the thumb of Satan? When your heart opens to God, you can’t put that gene back in the box. When you are convicted with the Holy Spirit it changes everything about you, the who you are, the what you do, the why you do it, the how you do it, everything, every cell in your body feels supercharged and altered forever.

When the past is gone, and you wish you go back to an event, a time, a long lost love, a last conversation with a friend before he died, a loved one before she left on a trip and that was the last happy day, we all feel this way. When we have our ghosts in the past, and we can’t seem to move forward, we can’t seem to breath, we need to remember that the past is gone, but we can choose to turn around and move back to God.

We can never take back the things we say, the things we do, but we can repent for them. I will never go back to the old me. I will never fall victim to pain and suffering like I did again. I know where my home is now, and I know that His love won’t ever let me fall again. I know I’m not alone. I know my blessings are many and the Lord is my Savior, my one true King. I know that God has given to me the best friends anyone could ever ask for. I’ve got the best pastors a man could ever have for spiritual guidance. I have what’s important in my life and I won’t ever sacrifice my self-respect again. When someone hurts you, you don’t stick around for him or her to do it gain. No future is without pain, no future is without trials but the world can only do so much when we have faith.

With my eyes and heart open to Jesus I know that my soul is safe. I am the most humble, the most stable, the most clear-headed I’ve ever been, and with this being the toughest trials in my life, I’m free. I would choose the “red” pill every time. I want to see how deep this rabbit hole goes, and I absolutely don’t want to take the “blue” pill “wake up in my bed and believe whatever I want to believe.” (matrix) It’s true though. God cannot be kicked out once in. Once that connection is made it can be pushed out but the damage is severe. Our father is a loving God, but sometimes loving your children takes punishing them for being bad. Feel free to try and go head to head with God…. Pretty sure you’ll loose.

I can’t go back to where I was before, I wish I could some days, but had I not gone through that crucible I wouldn’t be where I am today, I wouldn’t be writing this blog, I wouldn’t be reaching lives, preaching the good wood, and teaching. The path behind me is closed and moving forward is the only way. Put it into high gear and watch as the lights fly by you. Jump onto this one way street.