Facing Fear

Facing Fear

Sometimes in life we are put into situations that force us to face our fears. In my life I have seen war, I’ve seen death, I’ve seen evils, and I’ve seen cruelty. I’ve seen the evil in a man’s eyes as they try to murder another human being. I’ve seen the color leave someone as the heart stopped beating. I’ve had to face fear and in that fear I’ve had to face my own mortality. I’ve had to go out on faith and trust that the Lord was leading me to a place that would be best for me. As I survived the ambush in 2004 in the city of Ramadi, I could feel the Holy Spirit guiding me to safety. When I moved to the city of Durham from Indiana in 2010 with a woman I didn’t really know that well I found myself following faith and the things that led me to where I was. As I am now in another situation in my life, I have to face the fear deep down and trust in the Lord once again.

Psalm 27:14 “14 Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.” Trust the Lord and be faithful. Trust that the Lord has good plans for you. Trust that no matter what trials you face, the Lord will bring you through it. No matter the life’s struggles we face Jesus promises to never leave us. Hebrews 13:5-6 “5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. 6 So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.”

What do we fear? Do we fear failure, not being accepted, or being hurt? Do we fear being left behind, or forgotten? The truth is, at some point we all feel something along these lines. These fears are strong and often justified, but the allowing of ourselves to be driven by that fear if it stops us from moving forward is just as bad as sin. What we must remember is that the promise of the Lord is to lift us up, to protect us in our time of sorrow, to wipe our tears in our times of sadness. Finding someone we choose to love, finding that love and knowing that to love is a choice. Love is action, it’s doing every day, it’s making the effort to listen to the words of God and allowing them into our hearts. We are often put into a situation where we love others, sometimes that love comes with surprises, other times we are the surprise. Don’t let the fear of being hurt stop you from jumping out on faith. Trust in the Lord and love like we are taught to love. Make love be something that you do, not something that you feel.

 

 

 

Fighting Insecurities

Fighting Insecurities

Let’s face it we all have our insecurities about something in this life. Everyone’s different and everyone has their own battles to face. Over the years a particular event has occurred in my life on more then one occasion that has created and cultivated a unfortunate, and disturbing insecurity. I would go as far to say it’s certainly not an endearing or attractive quality. Nevertheless it’s here and fighting back against it is truly a struggle.

An understandable fear of abandonment has settled in and has taken up residence in the deepest part of my mind. With it it’s cousin the insecurity of feeling wanted, or needed. When a message is sent to someone, you know they’ve seen it, and your brain automatically goes to ‘what did I do wrong?’ and ‘am I not important enough to them?’ These things may be true, but the most likely fact is, it’s in our head. My self worth has been in question for some time now. These things the Devil tells you, whispers to you in your darkest hours are thorns in your side.

We must learn to focus on the good things we have to offer in a relationship. Everyone brings something special to a relationship, and thus we are all special. Philippians 4:6-9 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” If we are loved and love, we must learn to lift up our loved. 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” If someone’s important to you, then it’s in that importance you would want to set their fears aside and show them they have nothing to fear. Lift up your partner, lift up your friends, and help fight back against the whispers of the devil.

The number one thing to remember is placing your self worth in others is always a recipe for disaster. No matter what you beat the odds in this life and God has made you just the way he wanted you. Consider why you are unhappy, or why you are insecure. John 15:11 “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” The only thing we should need is the knowledge that Christ loves us just the way we are.

You must learn to trust in yourself and focus on your own gifts. Know what your gifts are and know that they are good enough. If your partner doesn’t see or appreciate them, perhaps there are bigger issues, which may or may not be your fault. A deep internal look at the cause may be warranted to understand and justify, and then overcome.

I believe sharing these with your significant other is important. Be sure to communicate and allow that open line of communication to face the problem head on. There will always be a way to face the insecurities that plague you. Allow yourself to face your insecurities and then you can own up to it, and overcome. Have faith in the Lord and what the Lord created. Each of us has been given gifts and we should focus on those gifts instead of our shortcomings. Romans 12:6-9 “Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith; 7 Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching; 8 Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness. 9 Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.” Use your gifts. Allow someone to love you for what you have to offer, and fear not for what you do not have. The ice will melt one day and the life preserved, frozen in time, will once again show it’s colors and it’s beauty. Let the ice melt over your heart frozen in time, and warm up to the idea of loving once again.

 

 

The Cross We Bear

The Cross We Bear

Matthew 16:24-26 “Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” In our walk with Christ we are commanded to pick up our cross. Forsake our old life, the worldly desires, and aspire to grow in our relationship with God. When the world is too strong and we feel like we cannot take another step, cry out to God and bear that cross with honor. We are soldiers for Christ and we have a responsibility to our loved ones, our friends, our enemies, to fight the fight. John 16:33 “33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

 Have you ever listened to American Soldier by Toby Keith? Listen to the words. Take what you hear and make some small substitutions.

I’m just trying to be a father
Raise a daughter and a son
Be a lover to their mother
Everything to everyone
Up and at ’em bright and early
I’m all business in my suit
Yeah, I’m dressed up for success
From my head down to my boots

I don’t do it for the money
There’s bills that I can’t pay
I don’t do it for the glory
I just do it anyway
Providing for our future’s my responsibility
Yeah, I’m real good under pressure
Being all that I can be

And I can’t call in sick on Mondays
When the weekends been too strong
I just work straight through the holidays
And sometimes all night long
You can bet that I stand ready
When the wolf growls at the door
Hey, I’m solid, hey I’m steady
Hey I’m true down to the core

And I will always do my duty
No matter what the price
I’ve counted up the cost
I know the sacrifice
Oh, and I don’t want to die for you
But if dyin’s asked of me
I’ll bear that cross with honor
‘Cause freedom don’t come free

I’m an American Christian soldier, an American
Beside my brothers and my sisters
I will proudly take a stand
When liberty’s in jeopardy
I will always do what’s right
I’m out here on the front lines
sleep in peace tonight

 If we are Soldiers for Christ, and we listen to this song, we can see what it means to follow the Lord. I’m solid, I’m steady, I’m true down to the core. If we are walking with Christ and we know Jesus in our hearts, then when the wolf growls at the door, the devil is always growling at our door. As Christians our job as disciples is never ending. We never take a break, and we never give up. I’ve counted up the cost, I know the sacrifice. We know following Christ is hard, and we know that there will be battles. We know we will be rebuked and sought after for persecution. We know the cost could one day be our lives, but isn’t it worth it to spend an eternity in heaven? Our first duty is to the Lord, and no matter the cost, we know we have to follow Jesus. What about our liberty as Christians? Are we standing up and fighting back when they are in danger? Are we standing up against the attackers and fighting back? To follow Christ there is no glory, no reward that makes a difference on this early world. However the payoff is in the wonders of Heaven. Freedom from sin, and we know where that takes us, sometimes we may be asked to lay down our life in the name of Christ. I don’t want to die for you, but as Christ died for us, we too may one day be put in a situation we must stand tall. Freedom isn’t free, it was paid for by the blood of Christ. We do one day may be forced to make a choice. All around the world Christians are laying down their lives against attackers as the Christian Church is being attacked brutally. If the day comes will you stand firm against the wolves, or will you deny Christ to save your own life? No matter who we are, what we do for a living, Christ is our Lord and Savior, and it’s in that we need to remember down to the core of our hearts, we are Soldiers for Christ.

Luke 14:25-34 “Now great multitudes went with Him. And He turned and said to them, 26 “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. 27 And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. 28 For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it— 29 lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, 30 saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish’? 31 Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? 32 Or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace. 33 So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple.”

It’s so important to know how and why to pick up our cross to follow Christ. There’s always a cost to follow Christ. The song Hard Love by Needtobreathe says “You’ve gotta burn your old self away” We must know that to follow Christ is to allow the old worldly self to burn away.

Bare your cross with honor, and bring all the glory to God. We will be rewarded for our sacrifices and we will be given a freedom far greater then we could ever imagine. Just have faith in the Lord, have faith in the path, and finish the race strong.

A man who has very little. A man without a partner. A man without a job. A man without a house. A man who places worth on what he doesn’t have isn’t a man. A man who has Jesus. A man with God in his heart is more rich then all the money and objects in the world. A man who has love for others, love for himself has more to offer then most. Money and riches doesn’t define wealth. Wealth is in the abundance of faith. Wealth is the gift of eternal paradise. Be content with what you have. Know your blessings and where they come from. A man with Jesus in his heart can change the world. Be a man of Christ and you will be rewarded more then any bank can hold. Have faith in the Lord and the Lord will provide. The cross we have may burn us, may scorch our flesh, may push us to our limits and our breaking points, but having faith in the Lord above we will, one way or another, be pulled through any and all our trials. Be a Christian Soldier.

 

Sweet Godly Accidents

Sweet Godly Accidents

It’s interesting how a mistake, an accident can be a great and wonderful gift from God. The other day when I was building a Lego house I was completing the very fragile roof I accidently pushed too hard and a section of the roof collapsed. Obviously this is a frustration because once the collapse occurred the only way to fix it was to take the entire roof down and start over. While there was a gaping whole in the roof of the house all I could say at the time was oops. Within a moment I had decided to use it to my advantage. Over the last several months I had made note of bad choices surrounding my life, some were my choices, and others were that of others. The point is sometimes out of an accident a blessing or a path is waiting for you. We may not always see the reason for accidents, but sometimes it’s to teach us a valuable lesson, or alter the path we are on. Matthew 10:8 Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead,[a] cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.” We receive gifts and we don’t always acknowledge what we’ve received as a gift. While I wrote the blog post ‘OOPS’ I found myself considering the consequences of the good and bad things I had witnessed the last 11 months. As my world around me crumbled into a million or more pieces the why is this happening, the what am I supposed to learn and do now, the when will I begin to feel better in my life, questions that wouldn’t come, but faith would continue to guide me like a lighthouse in the bitterness of the worst storm I’d ever see in my life.

It’s amazing how some actions may seem like accidents, or even things that are accidents, but either way, God is working to pull you through no matter what the case may be. In all of our mistakes, in all of our suffering, there’s still lessons to be had, blessings to be seen. Romans 12:6-8 “6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; 7 or ministry, let us use it in our ministering; he who teaches, in teaching; 8 he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.” In each of our God given gifts we must find the will to survive. We must always find a way out of the fire. The gifts we’ve been given no matter what they are can be used to glorify God. We must learn to use our gifts to the best of our ability and in using our gifts help to lift up those around us. Every accident is a chance to glorify God. Every mishap is a chance to show what God is in our lives. One way to look at an accident is a Godly opportunity. No matter the tragedy, no matter the accident we have an opportunity, an obligation to rise above and show what being a Christian is all about. Always look to the sky, and know that God is looking out over you. In every mistake or accident the chance to fly above the clouds is always there. You may feel like you’re in the muck but when you behave has a true Godly Christian, you can fly, soar through the clouds because if God is for you, then who can be against you?

When we forsake our faith, when we turn our backs on God we can be sure that the blessings in our life are only a snowballs chance. We never know what our future holds and what blessings may be just beyond the river bend. We may never know the joys that are waiting for us, and in that, we can have faith, that the faithful will be blessed. It’s easy to look back on a situation and have our perspective skewed, tainted by the world, the attacks by the Devil. When we are suffering the pain can blind us from the truth, and from our path. The struggle is to remain focused on God, focused on God’s plan for us, which is of grace not despair. Trials and pain will happen, but if we trust, truly trust in the Lord, there may be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Just remember, without the storm, there is no rainbow and with no rainbow, no pot of gold. Endure the storm, to find your pot of gold.

 

Lord I Need You

Lord I Need You

A tear falls, stains the paper. I look to the sky and close my eyes. Mercy Lord I beg. I need you in my storm. I need you to send your angels to protect me my God. A torn heart, a broken body, and I praise you above it all. I remember when I was happy and now it’s gone. I look to you my Lord to help me carry on. I can’t see the way out, but my God, the God of all things, I pray you to be with me. The rain feels like ice on my face, the sting over my whole body. My God my God please don’t leave me now. I praise you no matter the hurricane going on around me. My Lord I lift my eyes to the sky even though I can’t see past my tears, my pain. Send me a sign Lord, show me you’re here. You never left my side, but even though I ache and I hurt, I know you will never leave.

Why do I feel this anger, why do I feel this pain? It feels like weights holding me down, pulling me under the blackest water. The wolves are howling, and nipping at my heels. Give me the speed to outrun them. Give me the words to repel the darkness that surrounds me. Today the world seems heavy. The world seems crushing.

I may be facing the darkness, but I know that you will see me through no matter what. I know that this is not forever, but just a little while. I know that the day will come when my troubles will be like the receding waters from the flood. The day will come when all is restored. I know where to look, and I know where to pray. The day will come when all I’ll have to say is

Amen.

 

The Lord Giveth and the Lord Taketh. The Lord has given me much, and as the winds of change, the change in the season is upon me, I know that I am being blessed. How will this change affect me, it’s too early to say, but today is better then yesterday, and tomorrow will be better then today. There are blessings in my life, that like the traffic on a highway are slow going, even if it seems everyone else is moving at high speed, I know that my blessings are all gifts from God.

Finding Love and Dealing With Loss

Finding Love and Dealing With Loss

As it’s been a good while since my separation I find myself revisiting my future for Love. As I have posted extensively what love means to me, I still have a hard time understanding my place in this world, and as I question my place, I also question the purpose of me remaining single and unable to find even so much as a date. Now I’m not complaining, just making an observation. The scripture tells us, Jeremiah 29:11 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” The day to day routine I find mundane and it’s a tough pill to swallow. The struggles we have to find our way, to understand the ‘plan’. When a relationship falls apart and broken hearts are left in the wake of the hurricane that plows through life, steps to recovery need to be taken. We’ll talk about those here.

While I have been on my own road to recovery there are things I have found and learned over the last year. What steps can we take and why are they important? According to divorce magaziene.com there are 10 not so easy steps to recovery.

  1. Don’t forget to ask for help
  2. Declutter
  3. Keep yourself busy
  4. Find yourself again
  5. Travel
  6. Give it time
  7. Things happen for a reason
  8. Find your focus
  9. Try to forgive
  10. Do not close your doors

I will say asking for help is important. This however comes with some pitfalls. Some friends are fair weather friends and will not be there to help support you in your time of need. In the event that happens try not to let that add to your pain. It will, but it’s important to focus on what you can change in your life. Declutter is so important. I failed in this category. I allowed myself to keep pictures, and objects that would remind me of my marriage and that would create hope and pain where perhaps there wasn’t any. It’s so important to pack this stuff up. We don’t necessarily need to destroy or get rid of this stuff, but putting it out of sight out of mind is very important. Yes that means facebook too.

Next is keeping yourself busy. This can be a very hard to achieve. This often requires friends to be around or you to be comfortable enough to venture out on your own. This too is a step I failed miserably. My activity average was very low. I found myself in the house unable and unwilling to go out by myself when I didn’t have anyone to spend time with. It’s important to find something, anything that you enjoy. For me my joys were Lego’s, Archery, Photography, and writing this blog. We can never forget Netflix. Sadly my injury had stopped a few of my options dead in it’s tracks, and Lego’s can be expensive, so that’s another thing to think about, the cost involved in this step. Finding hobbies and other means to keep busy should be inexpensive and not taxing or draining important resources.

We must learn to find out who we are. This is something I hear all the time. Take time for yourself. While this time period is different for everyone, it’s important not to dwell on the past. Find who you are without the love that’s no longer in your life. Find what about yourself you love, and stop the negativity in its tracks. When you are not the one to walk away in the marriage, when it’s something you didn’t expect or want, it’s difficult to combat the harsh feelings that keep into your mind. It’s important to reach out in times of need, and surround yourself with people who are positive and will lift you up, rather than tear you down.

While traveling may not be something everyone can do, a bit of change in scenery can be a world of difference. Getting out of the home you both had is important. Even getting out of the town or city though not viable for everyone, it’s still worth a thought.

Time, is both our friend, and our enemy. While time heals wounds, if that time is not treated with respect, it can create pain. We must learn how to balance time and effort. We must tell ourselves every day that tomorrow will be just a little better then today. We must learn to let go of the pain a little at a time. Let time be an ally and not an enemy.

We may not understand it, but everything happens for a reason. We may not ever get the answer to why our spouse decided to leave, or do whatever it is they did, but we must realize that for every tragedy, there is also opportunity. While this is perhaps one of the hardest things to do, that love we must hold for ourselves, and understand that tomorrow may be the day we meet someone new. We must understand that no one can ever replace the loved one lost, but we must understand that while we can’t replace someone, someone different can be just around the corner, someone that can become very special to us. We have to have faith in God, that God doesn’t want the faithful to be alone, and if we remain faithful to Christ, we will be rewarded when it’s God’s time.

Find focus and purpose in your life. We must allow ourselves to feel important in our own lives and some do this by reaching out to help others. Some do this by volunteering, or working longer hours, or spending time with family. Set written goals, and allow yourself to work towards them, but make sure your set goals are actually obtainable. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast. You don’t have to achieve everything all at once. Allow yourself to work at a reasonable pace towards those goals.

While I don’t believe in the word ‘try’ in the try to forgive, instead I will say forgiveness is not something to be earned. Forgiveness is something to be given freely because we are told to forgive in scripture. There’s not a single verse that says to forgive under some circumstances instead of others. No, we are told to forgive as our Father has forgiven us, and we will never have done enough or can never do enough to earn that forgiveness. It may take time to forgive because some people hold onto grudges, and while I can disagree with that notion, it’s a fact of life. Every day you must tell yourself, “I forgive you” no matter what it is, forgiveness is to let go of that anger, the hate, and to allow yourself be rid of the poison that fills your soul.

Don’t let the fear of striking out stop you from getting up to the plate. While not every relationship will turn to marriage, and not everyone you meet will turn into a relationship, we can’t be afraid to try. We never know what we may be passing up unless we try.

We don’t and won’t understand everyone’s actions and intentions, but it’s in our darkest of hours we may find what we are truly made of. Having faith in God and allowing ourselves to be good servants and stewards of God’s love and grace, we will be rewarded when the time is right. Colossians 3:23-24 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” Always live to do hard works for Christ. When we live for the Lord, when we Love the Lord and give all the glory to the Lord, we will be given the Godly desires of our hearts. Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

 

 

 

OOPS

OOPS

Have you ever made a mistake, a big one that was life changing, but you didn’t know how to own up to it? The fact of the matter is, we are never going to be perfect, and sometimes we make mistakes that are so uncharacteristic the outside world is shocked at our behavior. It’s not a matter of if we make a mistake, or a big one, it’s how we own up to it. Galatians 5:5-8 “5 For every man shall bear his own burden. 6 Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things. 7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. 8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.” It’s important that we understand the nature of sin, and own up to it when we do.Oops3If you’re Batman, and you accidently crash your dune buggy into someone’s house, do you say oops? As a person, as a human being, we are broken into categories. We are both good and evil. Everyone has the potential for both, and every day we have the potential to make both good and bad choices. Every day we see the choices in our lives, along our path that gives us the opportunity to decide who we are. When we make a bad decision we have the choice to continue along that path or alter it for a new one.Ooops1

I think one thing above all else that’s important is your personal conscience. When we do bad things, does our conscience make us feel guilty, remorseful, or do we feel nothing for the pain and suffering we’ve caused? When we do awful things there’s only so much we can say to offer up an apology. Eventually that phrase, ‘I’m sorry’ only does so much. For me, the most important part is the action that defines us, that our heart may be deceived by the world, and the struggles to follow the right thing can only be found in the Word. It is in 2 Corinthians 1:12 that we find how to follow the right path. “For our proud confidence is this: the testimony of our conscience, that in holiness and godly sincerity, not in fleshly wisdom but in the grace of God, we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially toward you.” Knowing we have listened to God’s word and we have followed in Christ the best we can, maybe that’s how we know the difference between good and evil, right and wrong. When we no longer see the world as these things but it just is. The world owes us nothing, people in the world make good and bad decisions and how we choose to reciprocate, or choose to treat others, thats when we are put to the ultimate test. Being judged by God for what we do, how we do it, and hopefully our trust and faith in God, having the Holy Spirit within us, allowing it to guide us, that’s when we know our conscience will tell us the difference between right and wrong.

When we feel badly for wronging others, or we feel guilty for letting those around us down because of something we’ve done, that’s when we are being convicted by the grace of God to do right, to do good things. Bad things happen in the course of a life, we are responsible for some, not responsible for others. When we believe in the Lord, when we believe in the Holy Spirit we should have empathy for those who are hurting, suffering, and we should feel no desire to do harm to others. We would feel awful for causing pain and we should try everything we can to avoid doing such pain to anyone. Remember that when we do wrong, to make action to repent for a mistake. Right your wrongs, make good on your word, and let your word be your bond.

Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Our words are so very important in our lives. The words we utter should only edify. The words we share with others should be a reflection of our heart. The words we say show what’s inside us, and our word should mean and stand for something. Matthew 5:37 37 But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.” Don’t let Satan stain your heart in the ways of the wicked. Don’t allow yourself to be fooled and deceived by the deceiver. Lift up your heart to the Lord above, and when you wrong, right it, when you hurt, provide healing. In every wake of your wrongdoings provide adequate to ample repentance for the wicked you cause. Stand tall and firm against injustice, especially when you may have been the one to cause it.

 

 

The Mask doesn’t hide the Eyes

The Mask doesn’t hide the Eyes

 

Why do heroes hide their faces? Hero’s wear masks because they don’t want their identity known. They wear masks to protect the ones they care about. Most masks however don’t hide the eyes. There’s something to be said about wanting to hide your identity. There’s a truth behind wanting to be someone, or something other then the truth of what remains. The mask that allows the eyes to be seen to the trained observer, they can see through and it’s incredibly difficult to hide. When the world is heavy, the road is rough. When the sins of this world destroy our faith in humanity, the fall from eve is littered with the foretelling of what was to come for us. Genesis 3:18-20 18 Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, And you shall eat the herb of the field. 19 In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread Till you return to the ground, For out of it you were taken; For dust you are, And to dust you shall return.” The ground shall bring forth the pains to get in the way of hard work. The world turned to be inhospitable and in that, the promise we will return to the ground.

We hide our pain, and we hide the suffering deep down. We push people away, and we hurt people that are close to us so that we can run from our own pain. Perhaps we push those away because a mistake we’ve made and we fear of hurting them again. Whatever the reason, whatever the cause, no mater what it is, we hide the pain so deeply inside that perhaps we may never feel whole again.

The focus of our lives are the things we perceive to be important. The loved ones we have, our prized possessions, our favored pet, but through it all it’s God. God being our number one is the only true comfort we will ever have. When we find our comfort, our desires fulfilled through worldly means, the long term important issues will always fail us. People will let us down, but how do we handle life when it does? When life is at it’s worst, when we just can’t seem to catch a break we wear that pain in our eyes. It’s hard to fake it till you make it sometimes. Often we bury that pain and we store it till we eventually just can’t do it anymore. When we hold onto and hide that pain how often do we feel horrible?

The life we live continues as the sum comes up. Up early while everyone sleeps. The world still spins. The world doesn’t stop to ask if you’re all right. The world doesn’t stop when pain hits. So if the world doesn’t stop I shall not either. The pain will remain, and the eyes will hold it. The mask shall stay on. Hide as much as I can, and only time, a lot of time perhaps, will eventually allow the pain to leave.

Mercy in Time of War

Mercy in time of War

“ It was pity that stayed Bilbo’s hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life.” (Gandolf LOTR)

Something’s been on my mind lately. As the last 11 months has taught me anything it’s life is made up of good and bad situations, and some of the worst of situations may seem like a battlefield. It’s in our deepest darkest moments a choice must be made. How do we react to the enemy firing warning shots across our bow, or doing strafing runs to get us rowdy? The enemy wants us to get angry, the enemy wants us to retaliate with force. The enemy wants for us to yell, and scream, and we are expected to be fowl, and angry, allow our hate to flow through us and let that hate consume us. In the Hobbit Bilbo Baggins had a choice when he had Gollum within striking distance while cloaked. Gollum would end up playing a major role years later that allowed Frodo to get the One Ring to Mordor. As Christians we are told not to be the judge, to leave that for God, but as man we aren’t perfect and sometimes we struggle with this.

The hardest thing we may ever do is to provide kindness, to be merciful to our enemies and show love and compassion even when we are being treated horribly by someone or someone’s. How we respond when we are attacked verbally, or physically will show a lot about who we are, our maturity, and our walk with God.

Matthew 5:38-44 38 Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: 39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40 And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. 41 And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. 42 Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away. 43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. 44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”

So much is said in this verse. When struck by your enemy, instead of returning fire, instead offer the other cheek, not to turn the other cheek but literally offer the next. When someone goes after you in a suit, to offer more then they are asking. It’s so hard for us to understand the concept, but in every negative action towards us, we are to return in kind more to them in kindness then we have received in wickedness. No matter how hard we try we may never change the hearts and mind of another person. All we can do is pray for them, live by an example, show the world what it means to walk Christ like but making sure our testimony our witness is a strong solid foundation. Being human we are going to sin, we are going to fall, we are going to fail people, but being true stewards of God’s word we can hope and pray to live the best we can, to make the best choices possible in every situation as humanly possible for being a sin natured creature.

Sometimes someone can say something that just hurts. It’s often the people we care for the most that do the most damage. How much can we take? How deep can that knife go before we just can’t take the pain anymore? When those in our lives destroy everything we build, when the whole of the world around us topples around us, and the enemy is pounding down upon that gate, and all we want to do is throw up our hands and give up. The shadows that rise up against us and beat us down, the Devil that pounds us to the ground, and doesn’t want us to get back up.

When the Devil takes the hearts of those we care about and turns them against us, and the wolves try to run us down, all we can do is turn, and stand our ground. Get back up off that mat, fight back, and do it with Love, with Kindness, with Compassion. You can’t change the world but God can. You can’t change others, but your actions can show others how a Godly man or woman is. We never know the hurt going on below the surface or why someone does what they do.

I believe that we may never know or understand why some people go to great lengths to hurt you. But in our trying times, in the midst’s of the battles we fight, all we can do is believe. Believe in the Holy Spirit, believe in the God, and believe in the Mercy that God, that Jesus Christ has given to us, was also for us to share to the rest of the world. The Mercy we share upon others, the Mercy and love that was blessed to us we have a duty an obligation to share that with the world. The Gospel was given to us and in that new commandments would tell us to love on another, spread the gospel to those without. We have our commandments, and it’s up to us to follow them. It’s not always easy, but nothing worth having is.

 

Not a victim, but a Survivor

Not a victim, but a survivor

I’ve been considering what it means to go through a divorce you didn’t ask for. I’ve been considering what it means to suffer through it twice. For many, divorce can be devastating, for some it can be like being set free from Hell. For me, I’d say both times it was the first. I didn’t want, nor did I ask for this to happen. What I do know, is I will not be considered a victim, I will a survivor. The pain felt deep within my very soul has affected me profoundly. As I have traveled this world I have seen many men and women in need, I have seen many and in my time I have happened upon much I have found it in myself to stop and provide aid. I have been so many times the Good Samaritan.

As a survivor I have had my brushes with death, more then most. I have seen the evil in man’s heart; I have witnessed it first hand. I have watched good men die; I have had them die in front of me as I stood by powerless to stop it. I have seen the cruelty and the lies others will tell to their own selfish natures and desires. I have seen those stand idly by and do nothing, I have seen those who support the ill intent that has befallen me and even with all the bad that’s happened, I have emerged from the filth and the mud, and I have been blessed by God. I know that there will be trials ahead, and I know that there will be troubled waters. As I navigate through the blackest of nights, I know that there are those out there who support me, who love me for me, who believe in what I’m doing.

There’s a whole wide world out there for me to explore. There’s a whole lot of hurt I’d like to be able to make a little better for those whom I care about. As I revisit the Good Samaritan, where are we and what are we? Are we the priest, the Levite, the Samaritan, or the ill intent that left the man on the side of the road half dead? Are we the innkeeper that was paid to aid the man? Where we fall in the spectrum and why? I have often found myself questioning where have all the good men gone, and where are all the good women. I have often found myself questioning the business of our society today that we are on the go from dawn till dusk. We see ourselves running and running, and as our priorities are set, what then is left out of our 24 hour day?

No I’m not a victim of ill intent, I am a survivor. I have survived more then my fair share, and I continue to fight the fight every day. I one day want to be able to look my loved ones in the eye and tell them I too have fought the good fight, I have kept the course, and I too have finished the race. I want to leave behind a legacy for my family to be proud of. I was not born into a world that is so fallen there is no hope. I believe in the Hope of Jesus Christ, and I believe that those who follow Him, those who believe in the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, that those who follow that in their hearts and show the world that’s where hope is born, that there are still good people out there, and that my God is a living God living in us every day. I believe that as we put our faith in God, that the people who believe in God are bound to find others, that attract others in the name of the Lord.

We can see the hope around us, we can see the small spark even in the darkest of night if we keep our eyes open. Although man will fail you, and man will disappoint you, knowing that the Holy Spirit can and does wonders for the human heart, that tomorrow as doom and gloom as it appears, is only one day in the vastness of forever. Find yourself the light in the darkness, and you too may be able to say one day who you are in the story. Define yourself by the content of your heart, and allow yourself to be defined by what you do, and how you treat others along the path. The Ill Intent, The Samaritan, The Traveler, The Priest, or the Levite. The Choice is yours.