Tag: faith

Working With Your Hands

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Working With Your Hands

I’ve found that I have enjoyed cooking. Only recently within the last year has cooking become a big part of my life. It’s amazing what you find you can do when you are faced with a situation of either eating decent food, or eating out all the time. When faced with a choice the obvious healthy answer is to cook your own food. Something I’ve noticed is a sense of satisfaction for a meal well cooked. There’s a sense of joy knowing that others enjoy what I made with my own two hands. A sense of accomplishment knowing that I’ve come far in the last year and now, I can hold my own in the kitchen. But how does this transfer to veterans and how does this transfer to therapy?

In the military there’s always a sense of accomplishment. When you complete a long ruck march, when you get promoted, when you pass a PT test, there are many ways to be proud of yourself in the military. The problem starts when you get out and your achievements are no longer visible or recognized. After I left the military the achievements for a job well done came less then few and far in between. After years working in the civilian world it became hard to feel accomplished when it didn’t seem like anyone cared. Being a soldier came with some personality behaviors that stand out in the job field, but makes it hard for veterans due to the nature of those differences. Veterans statistically work harder, get to work early, leave late, accomplish tasks with a better use of time, and does the boss notice? Nope, not usually, and in that lies the problem. So what’s the solution?

Veterans need to find things to do they can be proud of. Recently I had the privilege of going to Hawaii on a trip that put my hands to work, my body to the max, my mind focused, and I took home a new sense of pride I hadn’t felt about myself in many years past. I was working with a group, I was achieving on my own, and through all of it, I walked away knowing I could do more then I had given myself credit for. I met so many people with amazing abilities through different walks of life post military. One man was a pro disabled surfer. The other makes beautiful sculptures out of wood. One man helps the homeless in the cities he goes to. I write, and with that I know I reach lives. Colossians 3:23 “23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in forced labor.” When you work with your hands and when you create something from nothing you can find beauty in it, and you can find a sense of purpose. Weather it’s singing, painting, word working, photography, or anything else, perhaps it’s that working with your hands you as a veteran have missed.

If you don’t have something yet, go find something. Figure out suitable hobby, something you’re good at that when you’re done you can feel accomplished. The more you work with your hands, the more you put forth suitable effort and the more you achieve, the better about yourself you will feel. Work with your hands, get them a little dirty, and see how it feels to make something.

 

 

 

The consideration of others (or lack thereof)

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The consideration of others (or lack thereof)

For years I’ve spent a lifetime picking people up, being there for them when they’ve lost all hope, when their lives have crumbled around them and for my troubles when my life crumbles and I am without hope without sight, without direction no one is there to help me. The people that I’ve just helped lift and guide and been a shoulder to cry on grab the rope behind them leaving me on a precipice by myself. I find myself now at a crossroad in my life where I have to choose which road to take. One path leading me to a path of solitude of riding myself of all negative people, riding myself of people who are selfish and careless and have no regard for common decency this day in age. The other path to remain the way I’ve been helping people left and right with very little process of who is worth my time and who is not. While in my heart I feel it is not my place to judge someone and that my heart should be open to help everyone but now as I’ve gone a year and a half where I have been hurt time and time again by people that I have let into my life. I have trusted and when things got hard or difficult or convenient I was simply tossed aside like an old used up towel. At some point I must learn not to get attached, not to allow people into my heart without being properly vetted. Again at the crossroad how do I find people who actually care, who actually see the repercussions of their actions and actually understand how their actions may negatively affect someone else and then on the other hand if I remove myself from being able to find people how do I actually make those connections with people and actually find a potential beautiful friendship, or more important a long lasting relationship. In my heart I realize that at some point I need to relinquish the judgment and allow God to be the judge of someone’s actions but at the same time the loneliness I feel within my heart prevents me from being able to walk away from humanity and I force myself to walk through the thickets and thorns hoping to find the rose mixed in.

It seems in today’s world where all communication is done via text messages sometimes over the phone with little to no face-to-face interaction the consequences are no longer real. The consequences of deciding a friendship deciding someone’s fate is simply the push of a few buttons and you relinquish them from your life. You block them from your life is now so easy to end friendships without ever having to see face-to-face the applications or the hurt left behind by someone’s callus actions. It’s almost as if the person you’ve been talking to isn’t really a person at all so there’s no reason to treat them as such. There’s no reason to understand that your actions may actually hurt their feelings. More so if you get to the point where it doesn’t bother you to just shut somebody off, it doesn’t bother you to tell someone you care about them and that it is so easy for you to flip the switch. That tells me that our society has become more of a selfish society about what feels good in the now, but when things get hard it’s no longer about what is right it’s about what continues to feel good. Anything that doesn’t feel good in your life again leaving is a selfish society with no reasonable repercussions for her actions.

It’s hard not to let your heart harden, and to continue to walk through life with love in your heart. It’s difficult to continue loving when you suffer so much. It’s difficult to stay hopeful when you get stuck on a ledge all by yourself. With so little thought towards others, breaking hearts, destroying feelings, what hope is left? The hope we have is the hope that Jesus has given us. We hope for the best because the love of Jesus for us is nothing less then salvation. We are promised eternal love, and we are promised the end of hardships, but not during our lifetime. Revelation 21:4 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” When the time is right this life shall pass away, and heaven will be ours when we accept Christ. No matter the hardships we may face, we are to continue to love, and forgive. Guard your heart from the serpent that will try to invade and spread the darkness within. Don’t allow your heart to harden and take away the light of the world.

 

December 7th

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December 7th

The morning of December 7th the Empire of Japan attacked Pearl Harbor. The aftermath was 2008 sailors killed and 710 wounded. 218 soldiers and airmen killed, 109 marines killed, not counting civilians killed, all in all 2403 Americans lost their lives and more then a thousand wounded. The attack on our nation was bond to happen and sadly it was a shot in the dark, a sucker punch that would leave us limping and bleeding, but we always get back up.

From the ashes of that attack the country rose up together and together we were stronger then before. We are always stronger together then when we are driven apart. In today’s world the Devil wants us to turn against each other because like a lion chases the wildebeest they always go for the one separated from the group, they are weaker apart. When we are alone we can become easy pray for the Devil. Alone we are weak, we become scared, and we are more likely to fall and listen to the lies of the devil.

Like the phoenix that burns and is reborn in the ashes, we too can be reborn through our worst days. On days like today we honor those who served and sacrificed for that service. On today’s date oh so many years ago thousands of people suffered tremendous losses and I feel it’s only right that we remember. This time of year such violence is difficult because it being so close to the holiday will make the holiday forever stained. It can be difficult to live with such pain. The brave men and women who fought to survive, and fought to protect other innocent people should be deemed as heroes.

While we remember this date in history as being a major turning point in our nations history, let us also remember those who still put everything on the line to defend or protect us in this country. It’s never an easy thing to work on holidays, or give up special occasions, but someone has to do it. Hospitals need to run, and fires can start anywhere and at anytime. People don’t stop hurting others and police are never off duty. So please on today’s memorial, let us think of those who not only lost their lives, but those who are still serving every day.

 

 

Time for war

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Time for war

A time for everything and when the season comes be ready because God needs us to be a lover and a fighter and when or if the time comes, you need to stand up for the weak and if you need to come together on the battlefield, then cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!

In my life, especially my early life, the middle school years were torturous. As I was not only emotionally tormented but physically as well, I often prayed for death. As death never came I kept pushing forward dreaming of far away world, lands where people were created equal, where dreams could come true. A life where love was true and didn’t die at the drop of a hat. I dreamt of a life where happiness and success were mine to have, and yet life it seems would not turn out as the dream once had. As a child I would gaze to the stars and wonder if there were other planets with life similar to our own. I wondered and wished I could get on a ship and travel to far away lands and find a place where I belonged. 13 years later I’m still looking to far away lands and I have yet to find my place in this world.

Through all that pain and agony I experienced as a child it would still not prepare me for the trials I would face as an adult. Many have asked me my thoughts on the Iraq war. While I do believe completely it is likely Sadam had the potential to WMD’s, given the time indicated prior to the initial invasion he would have had the ability to move them away. Regardless of the governments information and it’s meaning for the start of the war, once I arrived in Iraq I found that I wanted to do my part to help the people hurt from Sadam’s regime. He was a bully, and he ruled by fear and intimidation. I don’t like bullies and I have found the desire to help people anyway I can when I know they are in need. I spend a great deal of time and energy checking on my friends that I know struggle, and those I know are in financial hardship I attempt to find ways to help them as well.

Recently I discovered a friend of mine was having issues with her ex husband. Sometimes people are cruel and just want to watch the world burn. Some people pray upon the weak and by physical or emotional means attack them any chance they get. I’ve known a few people who’ve been in abusive relationship. Recently I had the privilege to interview a survivor of both emotional and physical abuse.

Interview with an Abuse Victim

Earlier this year the woman I interviewed was attacked by her boyfriend when he got upset. It turned into a whole ordeal and she was hurt in the attack. After the second time I actually went to rescue her from the situation she found herself in. Now several months behind her I interviewed her to see her thoughts now.

 

  • When did you know about Will’s abuse of other women if you knew at all in regards to the start of your relationship?
    • Knew from before the start of the relationship. He told his side of the story. He was blatantly lying about all of it.

 

  • When did you become suspicious of his abusive behavior?
    • Never physical until the end. Approximately 5-6 months into the relationships.

 

  • How did his behavior change over time towards you?
    • Drinking more as time went on, sweet while drunk but the paranoia picked up as time went on.
  • Did he start to become more possessive
    • Yes he did
    • Drunk when a text came in, he blew up causing the physical altercation. The police were called and things got bad.
    • Physical started lightly.

 

  • Was there anything you did that would set him off more frequently?
    • No telling what would set him off.

 

  • What kinds of things in particular would he do that would be considered abusive in hindsight?
    • Physical
    • Not much in the way of emotional abuse
    • Pit parents against daughter

 

  • What was the mindset after an incident?
    • Shame
    • Anger
    • Panic
    • Realized everything everyone said was actually true.
    • Afraid of the future
    • Tried to shoot him,

 

  • Is there any particular reason you would return or stay with him later in the relationship?
    • He apologized and I let my loneliness get the best of me.
    • Caught at a vulnerable time.
      • Lonely, scared, wanted to work through it.

 

  • In the months following the end how do you feel looking back at the relationship
    • Dumb
    • Knew it was a bad idea the whole time
    • Exhilarating and fun when it started.
  • Advice to others
    • Get out, stop being stupid, don’t give the time of day, you’ve given plenty of reasons to change, and they aren’t going to change. Potential pitfalls of future relations and further abuse.

 

While it’s not always easy for her, her experience changed her life. Once you are in that kind of situation it’s hard to be the same after. God’s blessings are always there even when it doesn’t seem like it. She’s a strong lady and she’s doing better now. She’s one of the strongest ladies I’ve ever known. Her ability to survive and push through is impressive. She truly is a remarkable lady with the strength to survive so much. Just like anyone else we don’t always handle every situation with the grace of a gazelle, but to survive and still stand, still go to work everyday, and remain in this world and not a recluse is truly remarkable. Life hasn’t been easy for her the last 10 years, but she’s making progress and no matter how slow, or fast, forward always.

There are bullies everywhere and if you open your eyes it’s not hard to see. I don’t like bullies and when possible I try to stand toe to toe to them and make sure the people I care for aren’t being hurt. Now I’m not talking about violence, there’s usually a diplomatic way out, but sometimes, the war is brought to us, and we should always be prepared for. The Devil plans and plans and when he’s done planning he executes and when he does, it can be like finding yourself in the middle of a war, everything blowing up and falling apart.

Circle the Flame

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Circle the flame

Sometimes we get caught in our own prisons. We are drawn to the pain when that’s all we know anymore. We circle it like a moth to a flam. Unable to pull away but we either need to pull back or we get burnt.

When we spend so much time in struggles sometimes the struggle is all we know. I’ve seen it in soldiers who go back over and over again to war. The old phrase goes a war junkie. Sadly that expression isn’t far from the truth. It’s not war you fall in love with, it’s the feeling of purpose, it’s the feeling of being needed, and it’s the adrenalin high you get during your missions you eventually get addicted too. Many soldiers when they return find themselves idle and unsure of what to do with themselves. They feel like something is missing in their life and they seek the excitement of their lives, the brotherhood that’s now long gone. Many people find themselves getting into extreme sports when they return. Sports like speed racing, skydiving, bunji jumping, rock climbing, anything they can find to get that euphoria that adrenalin makes you feel.

There’s also a sense of belonging that subsides when you are away from your brothers and sisters. A connection with people that once you are out of the military is surprisingly hard to come by. As for myself, I’ve searched for many years now to find a new group of friends to replace the military family I once had, and instead all I’ve received is isolation. Making new friends isn’t easy anymore. Finding common ground with people isn’t easy, and sometimes it takes a long while to build a connection.

There’s a line from my favorite show Arrow “Sooner or later, we all go through a crucible. I’m guessing yours was that island. Most believe there are two types of people who go into a crucible. The ones who become stronger from the experience and survive it, and the ones who die. But there’s a third type. The ones who learn to love the fire and choose to stay in their crucible because it’s easier to embrace the pain when it’s all you know anymore.” (Sabastian Blood) I myself have always found it hard to relate to others after my time in the service. Though the missions were hell, and there were days I hated life, it seemed strange to return to life when I no longer recognized that life.

We in the military spend so much time training to be someone else, something else, but when it comes time to returning to civilian life it’s only a matter of days from soldier to civilian. Learning how to be a civilian again for some happens quickly, for others never at all. Sadly for many veterans the return to civilian life is so traumatic it eventually ends with suicide. Christmas time is hard on veterans. So many are suffering with loss, with PTSD, with homelessness, and while many of us are enjoying our morning of trees, music, gifts, and warmth, many veterans are just trying to find their one meal for the day and a warm place to lay their head. A matter of perspective to know that while we should enjoy our time away from the fire, there are some who are still in the flames.

We cannot circle the flames forever. At some point we need to break free and move forward. We don’t want to get caught in the burning flames so we need to find a way out. We cannot stay in the crucible forever and we need to learn to focus ourselves better. God expects us to fight the fight, and also expects us to love and give. As man it’s hard to juggle sometimes, so we must turn to the words God left for us to find our course. Romans 13:4 “For he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer.” We must fight when we must fight, but when it’s time for peace we must learn to also be the peacemaker. We must love all the time, and be just. When we find ourselves focusing on what God wants us to do, we will find we can be far more adaptable. Listen to the voice of truth and find your path.

If you’re a veteran and your circling the fire and you cant seem to break free, find help. Don’t try to do it alone. It’s a dangerous game staying in your crucible forever; instead find your escape back into life. Let yourself live, and let yourself love again. There is life after war, there is life after tragedy. For families who’ve lost their loved ones, for wives who’ve lost their husbands, for kids who’ve lost their parents, life will move on. Don’t let the tragedies you’ve suffered been in vain, instead use it to help others, find a way to share your story, and inspire others to persevere and move forward. Tomorrow will come if we are ready or not. Embrace it, and never forget tomorrow God’s still on the throne.

 

Did I loose something?

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Did I loose something?

They say when you suffer a great loss you loose something. I’ve suffered more then my fair share and I don’t know who I am anymore. As far as a society goes I have seen both the gracious and the kind, but I’ve also see the dark, and the cruel, the careless, and the malice of mankind. It’s no surprise that the dark has been far more overwhelming then the light, and that darkness no matter how much you try to fight it leaves a mark. The scrapping of ones belief about themselves is a fragile balance. When the time comes though to build the franchise over again, how do you do that when you keep rolling snake eyes? When you’re told over and over again you’re nothing, when people abandon you and forsake you, it’s hard not to begin to think negatively. The fact of the matter is though, that’s exactly what the Devil wants. Some days it’s hard to fight back against the lies.

I’ve felt very much like I’ve lost something. I know I’ve lost confidence, and I know I struggle with my own self worth since this year of hell has now come and gone. I have spent the better part of the last year in mostly involuntary solitude. I have spent an exhaustive amount of time and energy trying to meet new people for friends, and to get back into the dating world. While absolutely nothing has worked out for me, I now spend time in reflection as to what has changed to make dating so difficult. I haven’t in the slightest found a solution, but that hasn’t stopped me from trying. What I do know is it’s hard to keep going. When I listen to the song Iris by Goo Goo Dolls, I gravitate to the line, “I don’t want the world to see me cuz I don’t think they’d understand, when everythings made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.” Sometimes we just can’t reconcile the truth with the facts. “Truth is sometimes things that cannot be explained by logic or reason yet with the heart.” (Jacob Keiffer)

We are told God loves us and we are perfectly made. Regardless of how people treat you, if your heart is pure and full of love for the Lord, we know that the voices that tell us we aren’t worth anything, that we are failures, that we are not loved, and that we mine as well be invisible or dead, are just lies the Devil tells us. You can pretend that the horrible things people do don’t bother you, most times you try to let it go, but that fact is even knowing the truth that doesn’t make us immune from the feelings that are hurt by others actions.

All we can do is wake up and push through the day. While I don’t yet know who I am, or what I’m doing, or where I’m going, the adventure starts with one foot in front of the other. As we move forward we have to remember to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and keep pushing towards the goals you have for yourself. Even if you don’t know where you’re going, you need to just pick up your feet and keep stepping forward. We never know where the river will lead us, and we have to just remember don’t want to get swept away by that rive we need to learn to navigate and do the best we can to keep our ship upright. It’s hard, it hurts, but we are given the tools to do it. Never quit stepping forward. Never stop listening to the voice of truth, and that’s, you are a child of the King. You are perfectly made, and anyone who says otherwise is not with God in their heart. God tells us the truth, and it’s up to us to believe it or not.

Let your word be your bond

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Let your word be your bond

How many of you have been stood up, or canceled on time and again? How many people have told you they would do something you depended on them to do, and they’ve canceled or dropped the ball? So this is a touchy topic for me because it’s been happening to me a lot lately.

From wedding vows, to promises, to making plans, peoples word means next to nothing anymore. I’ve met so many people online that try to scam you, or get you with their friendly talk only to want you to shell out money for them, or catfish who just like hurting peoples feelings. I’ve had ex wives lie to me, and I’ve had best friends who swore they’d never leave, till they do. I’ve watched as this world has fallen to the depravity of lies and deceit and now I find myself in the center of some of the worst times of my life and yet instead of friends flocking to my side to help hold me up, they’ve stepped on the cross to push me deeper into the ground. When it feels like I’m being crushed I know that just like the bat signal in the sky, I cry to the Lord for strength and then to the Devil himself, I exclaim to come and get me because I will stand toe to toe with the Devil every day, and I know that there’s nothing the Devil can do because me and Jesus come together and we can get through any and everything the Devil might try to do.

It doesn’t matter how many friends leave. It doesn’t matter how much my body fails. It doesn’t the matter the muddy water I’m in, I know how the story ends, and it ends with my death, and every ounce of pain, every bit of sorrow being expunged from my life and I will look down at the Devil in hell and smile. I am God’s favored child and I know that the pretender that tries so hard to tempt us will always loose the fight.

People’s inability to live up to their word, and those who lie and consistently let you down, I know that one day, they will need me and I will do the Lord like thing, and I will be there for them. I make a promise I keep it. I have always been there for my friends. I have always made the time to talk, I’ve always gone to great lengths to help them, and for those who’ve taken my kindness for granted and for those who’ve not cared the amount of effort I’ve put it, it doesn’t matter because God knows my heart, and my ability to help others is strong and for the glory of Jesus. When the darkness surrounds me and the thoughts creep in, I know that there’s nothing the Devil can do to take away what I have. The ashes fell like snow around my life as I watched everything I built burn to the ground, but even in those moments, I knew that the reason was beyond my understand and that I had to have faith in the Lord. See the Lords promise is never wavering. The Lords word that we are free from death, and that in this life as a Christian we will face problems, we will face persecution, we will be attacked by the Devil, and those who are the most faithful will have the Devil nipping at their heals the most.

When those around me lie, cheat, steal, and fail to be the friend they’ve promised, I will do the one thing I can, and that’s to look in the mirror, and make the change from within. “I’m startin with the man in the mirror.” (Batman/Jackson) When those around me break me, drag my feelings through the mud, the place to be is on top and doubling my efforts to be there for others. “If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change.” (Man in the Mirror)

My message to everyone this holiday season is to stop saying you’re going to do something and don’t. Stop lying about your intensions or what you’re going to do. Just tell the truth, honor your vows, your promises, and if you’re going to be a friend, then be a friend.

Proverbs 11:3 The integrity of the upright guides them, but the crookedness of the treacherous destroys them.

Ecclesiastes 5:2 Don’t make rash promises, and don’t be hasty in bringing matters before God. After all, God is in heaven, and you are here on earth. So let your words be few.

Ecclesiastes 5:4-6 “When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. 5 It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. 6 Let not your mouth lead you[a] into sin, and do not say before the messenger[b] that it was a mistake.”

Matthew 5:37 “But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.”

It’s simple, keeping your word shows you have dignity. When you fail to live up to what you say you’ll do, or break promises, it damages your credibility. As a Christian we are taught that our upright credibility is very important. God wants for us to do the right things, and that starts with what comes out of our mouths.

Fortune Favors the Bold

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Fortune Favors the Bold

We stand before giants and we prepare for battle. We are toe to toe every day with the Devil and we stair down the taunting nature, the temptations, and the blatant attacks from the devil. On the path following Christ there are some distinct signs you’re doing it right. If you don’t have the Devil nipping at your heals, that means you’re not a threat, and he doesn’t need to knock you off your kilter. But for those who are under constant attack you must learn to be bold. Proverbs 28:1 “The wicked flee when no one is pursuing them, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.” When you look in the bible there are several names that stood tall in favor of being bold, and that boldness paid off. Philemon 1:8 “For this reason, although I have great boldness in Christ to command you to do what is right.” Ruth from the book of Ruth stood up to the enemies of her people, fought the fight, and saved thousands from being slaughtered. King David before he was king, stood toe to toe with Goliath and because he was bold and he had God on his side history favored him.

2 Corinthians 3:11-12 “So if the old way, which has been replaced, was glorious, how much more glorious is the new, which remains forever! Since this new way gives us such confidence, we can be very bold. Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence.” No matter what situation we find ourselves we know we can be confident and rest assured that no matter where we may find ourselves, when we follow Christ no matter what we have God on our side. Romans 8:31 “What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” While this won’t always fix everything, and it might not always make us feel better, we can always find at least some peace knowing we are Gods children.

Hebrews 13:6 “So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.” Following Christ means we can be persecuted for our beliefs. The day may come when to follow Christ means to die for that belief. No matter what man may do to us, we know that we still have Heaven. We still have paradise, and when this world passes away, a new life is waiting for us. A life with no more tears, no more sorrow, no sadness, only joy, and perfection, and that has to give at least some comfort during the storm. So when the devil knocks at your door, when the wolf howls and tries to huff and puff and blow the house down, follow 1 Corinthians 16:13 “Remain alert. Keep standing firm in your faith. Keep on being courageous and strong.” Don’t back down when the Devil attacks, stand your ground. Fortune favors the bold, and it takes a bold stance to stand up to Satan and endure the attacks that come when you are steadfast in your faith.

 

All our Hope

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All our hope

All we can do is drop to our knees and pray, placing all our hope in Jesus. I know I’m not worthy to inherit the Kingdom of Heaven, but God is big and I am small. Some people are cruel, and manipulative. Pray to God for their souls, pray to God for the change that needs to happen.

I’ve been down on my knees a lot lately. I’ve been taken to the emotional woodshed, and all I can say is Thank God yesterday’s gone. Im no stranger to pain, no stranger to heartache and heartbreak, but I’m free and I’m saved in the Blood of Christ. We can be beaten, tortured, we can loose it all on this world, and we can be broken down, we can be so hurt we may not feel like we can breathe anymore, but if you can still draw breath, then the hope in Christ, all our sins are forgiven, our tears will one day be wiped away, and the pain of yesterday will be gone.

There’s nothing anyone can do to take your salvation away. Your heart for Jesus will outlive your pain, the attacks you will face daily. ‘If you can take it you can make it’ unbroken.

A Journey In The Darkness

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A Journey in the darkness

Psalm 91:4 “He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.”

The joys of this life can be easily snuffed out in the mists of dark days, of struggles, and of heartbreak. When the days get you down you have to be strong. It’s so easy to fall into darkness and despair. I’ve seen it happen in my own life, and in the lives of many that I know. Despair is a dangerous and sometimes deadly trap. Despair can easily turn into quicksand and drag you down, and must like the Dementors in the famed Harry Potter books, it can suck the happiness right out of your lungs and make you feel like you’ll never be happy again. One thing in my own life I’ve found is how fickle some friends can be. Since my gun shot wound a year ago I’ve found more and more friends are fickle and come around only when they want something, or they are bored and know you’ll be there as a last resort.

While there’s no doubt that this hurts, and I know I can’t be the only person that goes through this, what hurts the most is the exodus that’s occurred. While I realize that bullet changed my life, and while I am responsible, the feeling of loss from the mass abandonment that was left behind is heart breaking. Now over a year later, I’ve had another exodus from obvious different causes, but never the less the pain is the same. This presents a new kind of struggle, and yet again staring at the brink of darkness, and once more unto the breach. The war continues and as there is a great sense of loss, I am left with one undeniable fact, that I am not alone. Though the case may be that while physically and emotionally I am or feel alone, God is always there with me. While this doesn’t take away the desire and drive to meet someone special, or want to make new local friends, it does prevent me from falling into complete and total despair.

I know at the end of the day when I’m feeling down and I’m feeling blue, I know that my future is much brighter then it appears because I know that my Abba is looking out over me. I swore no matter how bad it got I would never stair down the wrong side of that circumstance again, and that I would be an advocate for finding another way. There is always hope as long as we breath, and while I am lonely, while my Christmas wish is to find love, and to not being alone anymore, and to make some good local friends, I know that God is with me and in time, those things will be mine, because it’s what my deepest desire is from my heart. I may not always makes the right choices, but I try to.

If you’re feeling despair this season reach out, find someone. If you’re happy as can be this holiday season, reach out to your friends or family that are having a hard time. Don’t forget this is both the happiest time of year, and often the saddest. Faith is so important, and even when it’s sometimes hard, don’t loose hope, and never give up. Don’t ever forget that you can be protected under Angels wings, and your God, the King of all is powerful enough to handle any situation, every tear, every cut, you aren’t suffering through it alone. God is not just watching, God experiences it all with us. Rest assure you will make it out, and one day you will make it home, a home of pure perfection.