Prayer Requests

Prayer Requests

While I had intended a completely different topic, over the last few days so much trouble and sickness, and hurt has come to my attention. Sometimes we need to stop what we’re doing and realize that there’s so much more going on around us that we rarely see. I was sitting around yesterday with my cup around 1/3 filled when one by one the emotional flood started to come in and before I knew it, my cup was flowing over the sides. With no power to change a single situation, and with no possible advice to give, the only thing I could do was pray. So today, this post will be short and sweet, and straight to the point. We are taught to pray each and every day, all day about all things. We are told to pray for every one of our needs, our wants, our desires, and more importantly then ourselves, pray for others.

Today’s post is just to remind you to take a moment in silent reflection, and pray for everything going on around you. Follow these verses and remember to always way.

 

1 Thessalonians 5:17 – Pray without ceasing.

 

Philippians 4:6 – Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

 

Romans 8:26 – Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

 

James 5:16 – Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

 

No matter how dark things look, or how great things are, never stop praying. Never stop turning to God for everything we have. Never stop praying and turning to one another because the power of prayer is powerful.

God’s Will, My Will, Who’s Will

God’s Will, My Will, Who’s Will

 Psalm 143:10 “Teach me to do Your will, For You are my God; Your Spirit is good. Lead me in the land of uprightness.” I have been questioning my purpose in life, and it has been years that I’ve been floundering in my career. As time pushed on I never quite found my flow, found my comfort. I spent years unwilling to leave my career because it was part of my comfort zone. Eventually God would force me to leave my career and follow a new path. I can remember growing up being in love with the church. As I grew I had felt some urges to work in the church but the older I got the further I wanted to be from working. I never stopped longing to go to church just didn’t think ministry was right for me. I ran from the idea for years and years.

When I think of everything I’ve gone through I can’t help but think of the song ‘Where My Heart Will Take Me’. I have walked a long journey, and as I’ve walked through the fire and the rain, I have always kept the faith that one day I would find where I belonged. I knew my strength came from my God and that God loved me no matter what everyone else said, or even those who doubted me. I can remember when I first decided to join the Army there were many who laughed at me. I was just some skinny kid, and many thought I’d fail. I was a weird kid and the vegetarian and most thought I’d fail in the first week. I not only made it my first week but after nearly dying from MRSA I bounced back and completed my 20K ruck march. I watched as I overcame all odds and managed to do something so many doubted. I was the smallest guy in my unit and even the Drill Sergeants didn’t think I would make it. Above the doubts I wanted to prove to myself I could do it. For the next 3 ½ years I would find myself achieving things I never dreamed I would. From combat to marriage, to moving out on my own I would come to find I was more independent I ever dreamed of being.

As tragedy would strike my life I would struggle to pick myself up. Instead of turning to God and giving my struggles and my trials to the Lord who could fix my heart, I hid it away and never faced them again. I thought I was doing just find handling my life well enough. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe and know Christ, I had failed in my prayer life and failed to understand the true nature of being a follower of Christ. My whole life I had questioned why I was being made to go through so much pain. I have struggled often wondering why I wasn’t good enough to be happy. I struggled with wondering why no one wanted me, and why I would loose so many people I cared for. The thing was I was always asking why me, and my suffering was about me. I never once thought to rejoice at my struggles. I never once thought to ask how my struggles could be used to glorify God. I never once thought to praise God even in my darkest hours. Instead I was always asking God why me, and what I had done wrong to deserve it. I always made it about me, and no matter how low I got I couldn’t see past me. I wasn’t narcissistic, nor was I entirely responsible for my own sufferings, but I can see now how those things while at the time were horrible and traumatic, but today they have given me a point of authority to preach on the subject.

I can’t say I fully understand everything, but I can say one day I hope to understand more then I do now. In my journey I now realize how much of a foolish young man I was. I was bitter and angry for so long I look back over my life and while I was never the cruel type, or cold or distant, for the most part I was always as loving as I could be. That was until something bad happened and then I shut down. See, for me the problem was facing the hurt, and instead of facing it I buried it deep down hid it away and never let it come out. I was dealing with it in my own will, and not God’s will. I need a swift kick in my stubborn butt, but instead I trudged along in my own way unwilling to see the bigger picture. See my whole life was missing out on an opportunity to minister God’s word in all the situations and countries I would find myself. Instead God took a back seat in my life and only when I needed something did I turn to God to get me out of the mess I was in.

Today’s picture of me is much different. Today the first place I turn when something happens is God. Today the first thing is tell God how perfect and gracious the Lord is. I thank God for an opportunity to learn from whatever lesson I’m being plagued with. I have learned to let my will fall to the side, and follow God’s will. I have allowed myself to be in charge for too long and I’ve found that I can either accept the lesson to be learned and not stress as much, or try to do it my way and hate life. So when dealing with any situation in life it’s important to praise God good or bad, and have trust and faith that He’s in control. For ever tear we cry, every laugh from our belly’s, every step we take Jesus is by our side and we must have faith that we aren’t alone during any of it. God so loved us that he gave his only so anyone that followed him shall not die, but would have eternal life. John 3:16 (paraphrase)We don’t know why so much bad happens other then we live in a fallen sinful world, where greed, selfishness, and hate are a plague upon humanity. We must choose the path of righteousness, the path of love that we are taught through Jesus Christ. This path isn’t one I ever thought I would be on, but as a surprise to me, those closest to me found little shock in it, as they saw my path to ministry as no longer plausible, but likely. All those years I spent telling God was I wasn’t going to do, what I should have been saying to God was what do you want me to do and then ‘Yes Sir’. Even though I walked my own path and I avoided God’s calling for me like the plague, the truth is, I wouldn’t be prepared for this path had it not been for where I was. My path was full of pain and turmoil, but even with the trials I shall face on this new road, I can rejoice in them because I now know and understand how to give the glory to God. Something I once said with my ex wife, ‘I don’t like you right now, but I love you.’ I believe this sentiment is true with God also. We don’t always like God’s plan, but we still have to follow it. We may not always like God at the moment, but when you think about it, that sentiment could be true of God with us. Imagine how patient God is, a Parent watching over His children who are stupid, arrogant, selfish, kind, soft, loving people all at once. We walk our paths, we turn our backs, and yet even when we are disciplined we are still loved greater then our wildest imaginations. Stay the course and make sure God’s path is your path.

 

Side Note:

During the writing of this post I was hit, blind sided with a message from someone I had befriended for a few weeks now, and while I wouldn’t have assumed anything was wrong out of the blue I get a message saying they were sorry but couldn’t talk to me anymore. That was it. I may not know what the purpose was, but I know it hurts. Regardless of how it made me feel the first thing I did was prayed. I took a step back and though my feelings were hurt, I cannot change anything, and I have no control over the situation, so all I can do is pray to the one with the power Jesus Christ, and offer myself to take this and figure out how to use this to glorify God, even if that means just taking my pain to the big guy up stairs.

 

 

Long Nights

Long Nights

It’s 1AM and I wake from sleep. I grunt and I roll over and close my eyes to sleep again. 315AM my eyes open again, this time it feels hot on my face. The mask that keeps me healthy is hot and sticks as I move. I adjust and drift back to sleep. 530AM and this time I wake up unable to fall back to sleep. The weight of the night heavy on my mind and it lingers like a dense fog. The dawn breaks the horizon forcing light beyond the gray clouds that blankets the sky. There’s rustling in the house as the internal clock of each animal hits 6AM. The animals are oblivious of the struggles of the night, and yet, to them the day moves forward as any other. Perhaps they are right, and no matter the night, or the week, or even the year, the day moves forward and no matter how much we want, the days come and go, and all of yesterday is gone.

We spend so much time worrying about the day, tomorrow, yesterday, and in that worry we cause anxiety, depression, regrets, and we fail to live in the moment. The struggle is real for millions perhaps billions of people every day. While we are taught in scripture not to worry, that God’s in control and it’s our faith in God that sees us through, theory is much easier then practice. Matthew 6:25-34“25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one [a]cubit to his [b]stature?

 28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not [c]arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

 31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

 

I have spent years trying to reprogram my thinking to accept the things I cannot control. I have sat in my own desperation and I have struggled to sleep because of it. I have been desperate for change, for answers, for anything to ease the storm inside. While many would say it’s a lack of faith that causes such problems I disagree. I think our faith is what allows us to get through tough times in a way that keeps our witness of Christ. I believe it’s our understanding of Jesus Christ that allows us to wake up every day and continue moving forward. I am certainly not the first person to struggle with depression, and low self-esteem. While I realize I am made exactly how God wanted me, I can’t help but consider the judgments of this world. Often we hear ‘don’t listen to what other people think.’ While this is true, when you hear the same thing over and over from many sources it’s hard not to hear it. The brain much like our body is affected by what it takes in. If a child is raised in an abusive household full of anger, bitterness, and verbal abuse, that child will undoubtedly suffer from depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and that’s best case scenario. Worst case is they adopt those behaviors and later in life become the same.

King David who wrote many, or most of the psalms is often seen suffering from depression, heartache, and yet always turns to God for truth, guidance, hope, and love. If David was known as the man after God’s own heart, then we come to realize even the strongest will face struggles. It’s not about the struggle it’s about how we manage. Do we let the darkness take hold and push us down a destructive path? Or, do we rise up, rise above, and praise Jesus in the midst of the storm? Deuteronomy 31:8“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Maintain your path, and when you feel the weight pushing you down, don’t try to hold up the world. Instead let the weight push you down, down to your knees and pray to God. When facing an opponent that’s bigger use their weight against them. When the world pushes you, just move out of the way, and let life fall down. The one with the power to control the very storm, we pray. Psalm 34:17The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.” We all have troubles, and some will let those troubles crush them, others will rise above, and not get stuck in the muck and mire. Psalm 40:1-3“I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. 2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. 3 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORDand put their trust in him.”

 In the absence of light in the dead of the darkness, I shall not fear because the God of Angel Army’s is always on my side. I trust in my Lord and I just speak the words and cast the darkness out in the name of Christ. When looking to tomorrow just remember God’s already there. When looking back at yesterday remember God was there too. And when looking to the moment God’s right by your side. Do not fear the darkness because no darkness can remain with even a tiny bit of light. John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” No peace can be taken from you so long as you maintain your foundation with Christ. No enemy can stand against you and take your salvation away from you. Romans 8:38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” So stand tall, stand firm, and if you wake in the middle of the night, praise God that you are awake and breathing, and be full of joy for the blessing of life.

 

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It’s a wonderful thing to be able to share the blessings and teachings of Christ with all of you. For those who read my works in Christ, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Recently I came across an amazing home business based in Travel and Entertainment that’s the real deal. The savings found through this business are amazing. If you shop online, like to go to movies, or travel, this gift card for you can save you up to 50%. Please enjoy your gift as a symbol of my appreciation and gratitude. God Bless.

Why Won’t You Change For Me?

Why Won’t You Change For Me?

(Spoilers Batman & Robin)

Recently I was thinking about my life and my old relationships. When I think changing for others I think back to when Dick Grayson left Wayne Manor. Dick ends up leaving because of differences. Dick didn’t like Batman’s methods of getting information from criminals. Eventually Bruce, displeased with Dick’s decision to lead the Titans, he would be forced to retire as Robin. This caused Dick to leave Wayne Manor. A long feud because both viewed their ways as right neither willing to change. We often look to our friends, but more importantly our spouses to change to fit our expectations. The thought process of trying to get someone to change for you or because of you will undoubtedly create strife and resentment. When we assume or try to change someone we are the ones with unrealistic expectations.

 Galatians 6:4-5“4 But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. 5 For each one shall bear his own load.” In life there is one person we are truly responsible for (excluding parents) and that’s ourselves. We must learn to understand people cannot be forcibly changed. We cannot live our lives expecting everyone to do things our way, or do what we want. We cannot expect everyone to believe in the same thing we do. I have struggled in my life trying to understand why I was never ‘good’ enough for people in my life. I have always tried extremely hard to please my significant other and yet I would fail. I would not only carry my own problems, but I would take on every one else’s around me also. I would give everything I could and wonder why I never received as much in return. That should have raised a red flag for me, but sadly it never did. I ignored so much in my life and ultimately it would leave me broken hearted and let down. It would take me years to finally realize the lesson in front of me. God creates a person as half of a whole. When we find our half we will fit together, but if we try to force two pieces together that aren’t quite the right shapes they may ‘work’ but it’s not the perfect fit. There’s a reason love is never keeping score, never boasting, never rejoicing in faults. When the right two people are right for one another they will both lift each other up and not tear down. When the right two people are together they becomes their best selves. The problem then is finding that other half.

In the Lord Of The Rings Series we see Faramir one of two children of Steward Denethor II of the Relm of Gondor. Denethor resented Faramir and in the eyes of his father he was never worthy of his love. The eldest son Boromir would hold his fathers love and Faramir would be sent on a suicide mission just to please his father. To please his father he nearly sacrificed his own life. This is an extreme lesson but I believe it serves a purpose. Denethor couldn’t see his youngest sons worth because he had a particular opinion and instead of treating them as individuals, he wanted his youngest son to be more like the eldest. Sadly after his sons near death (mistakenly killed) Denethor in an act of self destructive grief, he dies after plunging off the top of Minis Tirith.

Fixer upper relationships might work when dealing with an old house, or maybe even an old car, but in a relationship it should be taken on with extreme caution. In every relationship I have entered where I could be there for them, and I could help the damsel in distress has ended horribly for me. Come to find out the fairytale of being the night in shining armor is just that, a fairytale. Once the self-esteem has been boosted, or they’ve gotten all they needed they would end up leaving. I didn’t consider myself the fixer upper man, but as I have taken it upon myself to help fix broken hearts, or wayward souls, the end result would never go well for me. It would take two divorces for me to finally realize the type of woman I would need in my life would be one who loves themselves. I would need to find someone who did not have a broken self-esteem. I would need to find someone who was strong and who’s faith in God was not in question. I would need to find someone who actually had similar passions and hobbies as myself. Moral of the story I would need to find someone completely different then the women I’ve had in my life.

The biggest thing in a relationship is understanding the only true change, positive change comes from Jesus Christ. We must always put Christ first, then our relationship. We must first learn to love who we are, rely on Christ and ourselves before we can expect to be something for someone else. We must also never expect someone else to fix us. We cannot be fixed by anyone but ourselves. And even with ourselves we cannot truly fix anything with Christ by our side. We must trust in the Lord in all of our days. 1 John 4:8“8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” If we do not know God we cannot truly understand love. If we do not believe in the Love of Christ’s Sacrifice we may never know what real love is. There are days when love isn’t easy and it might take everything you have to stick in it, but Love is Patient. But most importantly, love suffers long. Ephesians 4:2“2 with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love,” We must always be patient and understand that we need to not just be patient for others, but also ourselves. People will fall, and people will fail, it’s a nature of life. The thing with love though is we must stand by someone and not fail them by walking out. When we abandon love we are guilty of sin also for not living up to what love is. 1 Peter 4:8“8 And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.” Sin is with us every day, and the only thing we can do about someone else’s sin is tell them how we feel, but most importantly pray for them.

One thing I have found is a need to fight someone’s insecurities. I have always felt I could fix what they felt was wrong with themselves. Really what I was doing was enabling them, and covering the wound with a Band-Aid, and that Band-Aid was me.  I covered the wound for so long that eventually I did offer healing, but as most wounds go when the wound is healed the dressing is discarded and thrown away. What I didn’t realize then, that I do now, is it wasn’t me they loved, it was how I made them feel. Eventually they would realize they didn’t need me anymore to feel that way, so I wouldn’t be needed any longer. I failed to evaluate my own relationships to scripture and thus when they ended in disaster ultimately I had only myself to blame. 1 John 4:18“18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” I have always been trusting in my relationships. I have always believed that if I needed to peek over someone’s shoulder, or invade privacy something was seriously wrong in the relationship. Jealousy and insecurity have no place in a relationship because ultimately they are fears. If you’re with someone who has a propensity for lying, or cheating, there is a deeper problem to face. I dare say with someone who’s a liar or a cheater is not walking with Christ.

While we are all sinners those who are not of the faith are different then those who’ve fallen in sinful ways. We must not forsake our own faith and be unequally yoked with non-believers. We must also remember to follow scripture. 1 Corinthians 15:33“Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.” This is not saying do not pray for those in need, and try to guide and minister to those in need, but rather not to be influenced by bad behavior. Remember, no matter how much you may ‘love’ someone that does not mean they are good for you. It’s best to learn early what your current situation is, and always review scripture and compare your life to the word of God.

 

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It’s a wonderful thing to be able to share the blessings and teachings of Christ with all of you. For those who read my works in Christ, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Recently I came across an amazing home business based in Travel and Entertainment that’s the real deal. The savings found through this business are amazing. If you shop online, like to go to movies, or travel, this gift card for you can save you up to 50%. Please enjoy your gift as a symbol of my appreciation and gratitude. God Bless.

What Do You See?

What Do You See?

My God I sit here on my bed tonight and I ask what do you see in me? You’ve given me so much, and yet the flesh of this body betrays me. The scars that burn inside and out with regret and self-pity. The scars that burn as a reminder of what I’ve lost, where I’ve been, and hopefully where I’m going. Weeks like this week when the Devil’s been on the attack, wearing me down, I look to you my Lord, my Father, and I pray because I know I can’t do it on my own. The dark side of me has come bubbling up from the deep dark crevices in which it slumbers. I would go so far as to call it self pity, but days like today I feel the struggle longing for that special someone to spend time with. I know You are preparing me for something great, and I know my path is perfect for your plan, but today I feel my strength is not where I know it should be. Psalm 91:4“4 He shall cover you with His feathers, And under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and [a]buckler.” I look to the sky and pray your grace be sufficient for me. 2 Corinthians 12:9“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

I sit here and write what’s on my heart, and I wonder what it is you see in me. I wonder why this message has been laid on my heart. I wonder if someone else feels the way I do tonight. I know it’s wrong, but I envy much, and I ask for forgiveness of my sin. I see so many with smiles and loved ones on their arm. I see so many posting and planning for new babies. It feels so unfair that I’ve tried so long and here I’m made to wait. It feels like you’ve gone away but I know that’s not true. I can’t see the purpose but I have faith in you, and not in my own sight. I reach to the sky and call out your name, and I ask please show me a sign.

I know that in this life we have our ups and downs, and we just have to ride the roller coaster and trust we know where you’re leading our train. This week I feel as if I were taken down back behind the woodshed and received a beating. One thing I’ve learned is you can only go so far down before the ride goes back up. And when I get a beating like this it means I’m doing something right for the glory of the Father. I can only sit and ride out the rough patch, but have faith. It’s a fool who only celebrates the good times. It’s a fool who only wants to hear ‘positive vibes’. We do not live our life in a bubble. We do not live our lives in hibernation during the rainy season of our lives. What we need to do is train our minds to see how our struggles can be turned into blessings. While this is far from easy, we are told not to worry about tomorrow. We are told in scripture to focus on today, the here and now. So, in light of what scripture tells me, I shall leave you with this short message. Go out there and feel the grass. Hug your children, kiss your significant other, and enjoy the day. Go forth today no matter what your situation is and find a few things you can be thankful for. Thank God for answered prayers, and also those that have been turned down, and those yet unanswered. Have faith, and never give up hope on our Father.

 

 

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It’s a wonderful thing to be able to share the blessings and teachings of Christ with all of you. For those who read my works in Christ, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Recently I came across an amazing home business based in Travel and Entertainment that’s the real deal. The savings found through this business are amazing. If you shop online, like to go to movies, or travel, this gift card for you can save you up to 50%. Please enjoy your gift as a symbol of my appreciation and gratitude. God Bless.

Your Cage

Your Cage:

 We’ve all heard the term “Life’s Not Fair.” The truth is in the pudding, life isn’t fair. It doesn’t play by any set of rules. This fallen sinful world is full of people who the Devil has gotten his teeth into and live to watch the world burn. Some people in this life love the darkness so much so that they embrace it. Some people love to feel powerful and feel the need to take power from others. Some men rape, and murder, and steal and terrorize others. In my life I’ve seen some horrors and I’ve experienced evil. I’ve seen the depravity of man and I know the pain and anger that’s left in the aftermath. I know what it’s like to feel so angry it feels like you’re going to explode. I know what it’s like to take a baseball bat and hit an inanimate object over and over and over again. I know what it’s like to be afraid of the world. I remember when I got home from Iraq driving on the street terrified me. I was scared of trash on the road, and other cars being to close to me. I was scared to go into a crowded store alone. I was scared to sleep in my bed without a gun next to me. To this day, I struggle to sleep without a gun with me. I have a hard time going to the store by myself knowing I am defenseless. I am still uncomfortable if I’m ever boxed in on the road, or if I can’t be ahead of traffic. It terrifies me to be sitting still on the road. What does any of this really mean? It means I created a cage for myself and I have the key, but I refuse to leave.

When I left the comfort of my tent in Kuwait for the long road to Ar-Ramadi in Iraq I really didn’t know what to expect. I had anticipated being shot at on a regular basis. I expected to be hit with one IED (Improvised Explosive Device) after another. I expected to be hated and despised by the locals which whom our mission was to win the hearts and minds. The reality was far different then what my mind had concocted. Yes I saw combat, and yes every bit of trash was a danger, but the attacks didn’t come every day like I had imagined. Never the less after a year on edge that became so engrained in my fight or flight response that reprogramming the event has been difficult, near impossible to date. One major issue is my own mind not letting go of the past and allowing myself to walk out of my cell and leave the key behind me. My mind has made the cage seem safe, and I like where it’s safe, and I don’t want to venture to unknown places. There are dangers in the unknown, and I am not equipped to deal with them. Alone I am vulnerable, exposed, and even with a head on a swivel I am ill prepared to handle the attack when it comes. I look to the exits, I scan every person big or small, and I feel the adrenalin spiking as the crowds grow. Anyone is a robber, a thug, a terrorist, and at any moment the excrement can impact the oscillating device. The risk is just to high so I stay home.

That was me 12 years ago. I hated going anywhere because that’s what my mind did to control me. It’s taken years for me to break through that barrier and move forward. While I wouldn’t say I’m free of the cage, I am comfortable saying the cage has expanded. I am not longer a prisoner of my home. I have found many different ways to cope with my social anxiety, but there are days when it still affects me worse then others. One of the big things in therapy is finding what works, and to get there it takes trial and error. I’ve heard so many people tell me they got into therapy and because it didn’t work after a few weeks stopped going. People think therapy is a quick fix, that you go and you talk about your issue, or perceived issue, and after a few sessions you are all better. That’s not the way it works, that’s not the way the brain works, and sadly those kinds of fast food therapy ideas are why we as Americans struggle so much. We have lost our faith and we no longer believe in anything, and we are fly by night Christians, and we are really only Christians in name. We say the prayers, we identify with a social norm, and that’s what we are, but most Christians don’t ever open their own bibles and read or study. Most Christians don’t even go to church regularly, yet hold onto the name Christian. Many Christians act churchly when they are in the building with the cross on top, but as soon as the car door closes to go home, Mr. Hyde comes out and it’s an entirely different scene. In order for us to deal and manage with the traumas of life we must first repair the damage between Christ and us. We have walked so far away from the cross that we wouldn’t know scripture if it hit us in the face. We have allowed ourselves to conform to the ideas of this world, and we have removed God from our lives so now when things go bad we have no faith, nothing to believe in, and above all, or rather, worst of all, no hope for a brighter tomorrow.

After years and years of trauma I have my issues, but I have found ways to still live a normal life. I have faced my demons and while that fight ongoing, and slow, there’s still forward momentum. I know which direction I need to go, and while I would love to place blame, it’s a futile exercise in making excuses. The truth is I cannot change what happened to me, or why it happened, but I have a choice with how I live my life right now. I have a choice how I want to behave, how I want to feel, and I decide my frame of mind. I am under no disillusions that God is the one that either allows things to happen, or nudges us towards a particular direction. Every situation, good and bad is an opportunity for us to evangelize and praise God. It doesn’t matter what ‘bad’ thing happens to you, whether it be a death in the family, a murder, a rape, a sickness, a loss of a job, a loss of a spouse, nothing changes the ultimate outcome. One thing I hear so often is ‘you wouldn’t understand.’ While the flavor of the ice cream may be different I still know how to eat ice cream. Trauma is trauma no matter what flavor it is. There’s a time to love and a to hold. There’s a time to walk along side hand in hand, and eventually there’s a time to push or pull someone through. The biggest detriment for those who suffered trauma is when they get stuck in that incident. I know because I was there. After I watched my close friends die horrifically in an explosion, and while I did CPR and failed to save one, I relived that event for years. I became stuck and it took therapy for me to have a break through. Therapy is not something to be taken lightly, and it’s not a Genie in a bottle that can snap his fingers and make you all better. There is no cure for cancer in a day, and there’s no cure to repair damage done emotionally. There are ways to get over some anxieties. There are ways to manage fear. There are ways to overcome horrible cages that we place ourselves in. You have to want to do what is necessary, and you have to find yourself coming and letting Jesus back into your heart, or letting Jesus Christ in for the first time. Faith is the strongest medicine you can find, and faith mixed with professional help and a drive to actually fix the problem, will put you on the healing path.

While others may be able to teach us, show us the way, help pick us up, ultimately the door to recovery starts with us. We have to be ready to walk through the door and follow whatever path waits for us on the other side. While we sit in our cages unwilling to do what is necessary we are the ones who hold our own key. We must be willing to step foot out of our own comfort zone and take a chance in the big, bad, scary world. We may realize that the world although never truly safe, isn’t as scary as we once made it out to be. We can believe the lies fed to us by Mother Gothel, and we may keep ourselves trapped up in our towers forever, or we can escape and see the world as beautiful, and full of life. Sure is there risk? Of course there’s risk, but one day we have to look back over our lives, and we will have to decide if we are satisfied with how we lived. Living in fear is no way to live. Life’s to short to worry about it. If you know you’re saved, and you know that Heaven is where you will be, truly, this life is just a temporary holding pattern for the real life waiting for us. If one day I’m out and I am mugged and shot and killed getting money from the ATM, I know I lived my life as well as I could, and I know I’m happy with what I leave behind. Don’t let fear stop you from living, from going out and enjoying the blessings God has bestowed on our life.

 

Apologetics

Apologetics:

What is Apologetics? No it doesn’t mean how to apologize for doing something stupid. Apologetics is defined as the following, “reasoned arguments or writings in justification of something, typically a theory or religious doctrine.” Why is this important you ask? Well, I’m glad you did, because as a Christian this is tremendously important. How do we share the gospel to those who believe in something different? The study of apologetics will allow you the ability to mount a plausible and reasonable defense. Recently I have found that as well as I know scripture, and as well as I am able to articulate coherent thought, the art of apologetics is still something to be studied and practiced on a regular basis. I have found it difficult for me to not explain what Christianity is, but rather why Christianity is the truth. Many people struggle with this aspect of their faith. It’s not that they doubt their faith to be truth, it’s that they don’t know how to articulate Christianity. First thing that must happen is you pray, you need to pray that God will give you the words and that God will open the heart of the person, or people you’re talking to. For me, as the personality type INTJ, I use facts in every single argument I make. I don’t argue unless I know those facts to be true, and that I know for sure I’m right in that particular argument. If I’m not right, I stay away from the argument, and if I’m not sure, I research facts first. The problem with facts is, no matter the facts I can present about the truth and Gospel of Jesus Christ, people just don’t accept facts as truth. For an INTJ this can be incredibly frustrating.

The Facts:

  • Scripture was written over a 1400-year time span by many different authors and without much influence by previous writings.
  • Physical evidence proves the existence of many characters from biblical account.
  • Scriptures accounts of Creation mirrors the account attributed to the ‘Big Bang’ in many ways. Although the timeline doesn’t match up, the process is still the same. Scripture was written long before the theory of the big bang.
  • Jesus Christ lived, and was crucified for blaspheming and as a threat to those in power.
  • 13 people saw Jesus Christ’s miracles and teachings every day. Thousands saw Christ throughout his ministry. The Roman Empire failed to prove Christ was a fake. Christianity survived the largest most powerful force on the planet.
  • The soldiers at the tomb would have been elite Roman Centurions and knew failure meant death.
  • Even after the tomb Jesus was seen by over 400 people, still performing miracles. The Roman Empire tried to quiet the movement but was unable to because everyone they interrogated preferred death over lying about what they saw and experienced.
  • Paul, known as Saul at the time was a high ranking member in the Jewish synagogues and was responsible for persecuting the church. He was responsible for murdering Christians hunted them with extreme ferocity. Saul experienced a life changing event on the road to Damascus where he was struck blind. There were eyewitnesses to the account. Paul experienced a radical 180 in his beliefs after that event. He went from being one of the most feared men in all of Christianity to one of the loudest voices for Christianity.
  • Each of the Apostils faced execution for their positions on Christ. Prior to execution and during stays in jail these men were tortured and beaten beyond our ability to understand in 1stworld countries. Floggings were common, and the wounds from being flogged would have been deep and long lacerations across their entire back. Each of the men would have been given the opportunity to recant their statements, denounce Christianity and go along their way. Neither of them changed or recanted their stories, not once.
  • Many believe in the conspiracy theory that the stories about Christ were made up and rehearsed to add a new religion to the world. This however is easy to debunk when you consider what is needed to keep a conspiracy alive. Even today conspiracies usually fall apart within hours of being captured because no one wants to take the fall. When multiple people are captured and to get information from them torture is used, how many people would undergo torture for a lie? How many people would be able to give the same story over and over again never once wavering on the details, especially under torture. The reason torture is so ineffective in today’s world is because people will tell you anything you want to hear, just to stop the pain. This never happened with any of the Apostles. The Romans wanted to break Christianity and stop the uprising and were willing to do it any way possible, to include under Nero having Christians sentenced to die in the arena during his games. These games often included death by exotic animals to include tigers. Had any of the Apostles or eyewitnesses of Christ recanted their stories, the Romans would have capitalized on it, yet no one did. Further more, even if one were able to withstand the torture, how many people would be willing to die for a lie? These men saw with their own eyes the power of Christ.

There are many more reasons to believe that Christianity is the real deal. Eyewitness accounts and the facts that Scripture has withstood years of scrutiny from some of the most dedicated atheists and yet, many of those atheists have since converted to Christianity because the evidence showed them the opposite of what they aimed to prove. One such individual is Los Angeles Cold Case Detective J. Warner Wallace. http://coldcasechristianity.com  Another is A Case For Christ by Lee Strobel. Both men tell their incredible journey from Atheist to Christianity. These powerful stories can be heard over and over again as atheists and other faiths have left their long standing beliefs behind in exchange for the truth and salvation of Jesus Christ the savior of mankind. I myself have experienced the presence of God on more then one occasion but one event stands out above the rest.

A couple years ago I was bleeding out from a self inflicted gunshot wound. I was unconscious in less then a minute as the bullet went through my lung. I was loosing blood quickly and as I was starting to turn grey and purple the paramedics didn’t expect me to survive the trip to the hospital. As clear as any waking moment I recall telling God I was sorry. The response would forever change my life. I heard the Lord say, “You’re Forgiven.” The words themselves were powerful, and felt like a jolt of electricity rush through me. (No I was never hit with the paddles) I instantly awoke in the ambulance to the shock of the EMS team working on me. After hearing the voice of God I wanted nothing more then to ‘go home’. God it seems kept me alive and forgave me of my sins for a purpose. That purpose would be found not long ago, but even that event would serve as an experience I would be able to use in my ministry and my walk with Christ.

As a Christian we are obligated to study and learn the word of God. We are told to take scripture into our hearts and minds and live what we learn. When we follow the Great Commission we will encounter those of all faiths and all levels within those faiths. We must learn how to articulate the truth without exaggeration, and without watering down the truth. You will never be able to talk someone into Christianity, because anyone who can be talked into it will be talked out of it. Facts only hold so much weight for the non-believer so share the gospel, share personal experiences, a little facts, and pray God opens their hearts. We cannot save everyone because much like the matrix, everyone who’s still plugged in is apart of that system, and not everyone is ready to be unplugged.

 

 

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Surgery, What Surgery?

Surgery, What Surgery?

It’s been a year, but it hardly seems like it. With so many things different now then they were a year ago, it’s hard to believe it’s been that long. My recovery from a C5/C6 spinal injury and surgery has been slow, but in that year I have grown. I push myself and although there is a consequence, I decided early in my recovery I didn’t want to allow my injury to define me. Yes, there were things that changed forever, and I would always have difficulty doing certain physical activities, but I have come farther then I imagined in a year. Ironically, as I am at my anniversary I am starting physical therapy once again.

In a year since my surgery I have learned how to surf, I have rope climbed, and I have done a 40+ mile bicycle ride on a recumbent trike. I have come far, and I trust that I will continue to grow. I know I wouldn’t be where I am today had I not pushed myself along the way. There have been days when the pain was horrible and I could barely move, and there were days when I felt like I could run a mile. The difference between having pain, and allowing that pain to control you is strength. We must learn that to grow sometimes it means to suffer a little pain but the end result is worth it.

Christ tells us those who will pick up their cross and follow Him will have trials and tribulations. They will suffer persecutions, and will undoubtedly have friends and family turn their backs on you. He tells us that love suffers long, and if we are to love Christ we to must endure the sufferings because we are just ambassadors in this land. This is not my home. My home is a Heavenly one, and to get there I walk in a land that is not my own, amongst a people that will undoubtedly hate and despise me. The beautiful thing about human beings is also the most heartbreaking thing, free will. Although my options were limited when it came to my surgery, I still had a choice. I could have done nothing and likely died of meningitis, or I could have the surgery. While it doesn’t seem like much of a choice, I could have chosen death.

In the last year I have made the choice to become much more active with the Wounded Warrior Project, in which I’ve posted about extensively. During those times I was given the distinct pleasure of meeting some amazing people, amazing veterans, and I’ve made some wonderful friends. It all started with a choice to take a chance and move out of my comfort zone. I made the choice to go on my first adventure to South Carolina and that trip changed my life. Before my South Carolina trip I went on a non WWP trip to Hawaii. I would say that trip set the tone for me to explore beyond the walls of my house. I watched as I pushed myself just months after surgery to do things I never thought I’d be able to do again. I explored my ability and found I am capable of far more then I ever gave myself credit for. A capability that without doubt has been a gift from God.

In the last year I had surgery, I moved out of my house, I lost my job… twice, due to my injury. I got divorced, yet I’m still friends with my ex. I have continued with this Blog, and now I’m back in school. Beyond all of that I am looking at my future plans within the church and continuing my biblical studies accordingly. While my career has not advanced, and I’m not living where I’d like, I feel I am exactly where I am meant to be. I also feel I’m doing exactly what God wants me to do. I have faith in my Heavenly Father, and I know that regardless of my injuries, my status, or where I live, I will be used to further glorify my Father and bring honor to his most Holy of Names. Jesus Christ has saved me time and again and I shall continue to try and be contempt in where I am. Like Paul before me, I had my own Damascus road. I can’t simply go back and undo what happened to me. I know I must continue to push through my physical and emotional pains, and find strength in my own weaknesses through Christ my Savior. No matter how low your life looks, just know that it won’t always be that way. There is always hope. On the 3rdday scripture says He rose again. The disciples before that were hopeless, they felt lost, as most of them questioned who Jesus was. He rose again, and thus proved forever who he was, and settled the word as stone. Have faith and for every season, times will move forward. Don’t loose hope because Christ is with us always till the day we are called away from this land, then we shall finally go home and truly sit with the King.

 

PSA: I will be away for a few days, and thus, this will be the last post till I return. As always, you can email me if you need anything, or you can post your prayer request on the prayer request page. Go forth and look into your life and see how God is using you, using your gift to spread the love and Gospel of Jesus Christ. Don’t let whatever is holding you back keep you from your purpose. God has created each and every one of you with a mission and know that so long as you trust and have faith in God you can do anything. Keep fighting the good fight, and I look forward to posting on Monday…. Or Tuesday.

The Life

The Life

All my life I was bullied. I was teased, picked on, and even beat up. From being pushed in the halls, to the locker room. From my books being taken, and swirleys being given. From being punched or even my things being stolen, I would endure day after day, time after time. Growing up I wasn’t the biggest person in school. Growing up I wasn’t the smartest, or the fastest. Growing up I was average for most areas of my life. Perhaps looks which I was teased a lot about was slightly below average, but no matter what others thought, I was made by God just the way he wanted me. Faith for me has always been apart of my life. I wish I could say that it was faith that carried me through, and maybe on some level it was, but I cannot stand here and say I came through stronger for it. On the contrary, although I made it through, I came out with scars. My whole life I’ve been self conscious, and I’ve had a low self esteem. I never held my achievements in high esteem because I never felt they mattered. I argued with God every night about the life I was given, and why. I argued every night that He wouldn’t deliver me from my hell. I remember one night I was 10 years old and I had recently had surgery. There were complications and unexpected physiological changes, which caused tremendous amounts of pain. I cried harder that night then I think I had any other time in my life. The pain was unbearable and as I laid next to the toilet I begged God to just kill me already. I prayed for deliverance from this life because I knew God hated me, and I was being punished. At 10 years old I had endured so much emotional pain, and physical pain, and if that was all by the age of 10 what would my life be? I knew I didn’t want to be a punching bag my whole life. I was at a cross roads and I didn’t know where to turn.

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Not long after that surgery I returned to school where I would befriend a classmate. He was always quiet and reserved, but our friendship didn’t come of our own doing. No, it would come as a compromise to a problem we faced in class. We both wanted to do our report on Abraham Lincoln so our teacher proposed we do the report together. Agreeing to her terms, we set out to do the best report we could, and after a weekend at his house I foresaw a great friendship rise. All these years later me and him are still friends, and in fact after living with them on and off for 6 years, we became brothers. Had it not been for that relationship, at that time in my life, I cannot say where I’d be now. Looking back I realized God had answered my prayer, He just didn’t do it in a way I thought he would. The weeks turned to months, and then years, and now looking back 24 years later at everything I’ve endured, I have learned one simple truth. God does not choose the strongest, or the smartest, he chooses those he knows will endure the test of time. Look at the Apostle Paul for instance. Here’s a man that hated the Christians. He persecuted them, and in his hatred and rage hunted them and in some cases executed them. Christians knew his name and were in fear of him. I think we all have our own Damascus road. Paul was chosen I feel for many reasons. First was his unique citizenship, he was both Jewish, and a Roman citizen. He knew scripture front and back, and he came with a high education, and authority. Of all these things, Paul would be able to use his past to preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He would be made to endure hardships beyond our dreams. He would face physical and emotional pain the rest of his life. God didn’t choose him to stand up to the Romans and fight an army. God chose him to build a legacy. God knew Paul could faithfully endure and in those hardships he showed as an example of how to live in Christ. His teaching changed the face of the Church forever, and even though he would be tortured and eventually murdered he shows us how much a man can take in the name of the Lord.

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When the bad things happen, trauma, death, sickness, economic hardships, we often ask the same question, “Why Me?” The bigger questions, is why not you? I know this doesn’t sound fair, but give me a moment, and I’ll explain. First, bad things happen for a few reasons, either A: Your own choices caused it to happen. B: Someone else close to you caused it to happen. C: God allowed something to happen. No matter the reason, it happened, and we have a choice on how much the why will bother us. We can ask God for an answer but if I have learned anything it’s the answer may not present itself for years or in some cases decades down the road.

We cannot expect an answer because if life is the test, what kind of test would it be if the professor gave you the answers? Sometimes we need to learn things for ourselves, and we have to do the one thing that’s stated over and over in scripture, and that’s to have faith. Growing up through so many hardships I know my faith was on rocky ground. I know for a long time I was angry with God for allowing me to go through so much pain and suffering. I was so furious that for many years I barely spoke to God. He became the estranged father and even though I was angry and we didn’t speak, I always knew he was still there. God let me be angry, but never left my side, and never stepped letting me know He was still there. When I moved in with my Grandpa life had turned around for me. School was good for the first time in forever, and even dating started for me. Life wouldn’t be without it’s ups and downs, but for the first time in as far back as I could remember I was genuinely happy.

As the years would move forward I would find myself going through horrible situations, but I never asked God why. It would be years before I would beg God for release and when he said no, and this time I heard him, I knew the power and grace of God. I finally got it, and would understand the purpose. I have spoke in depth about the process of sword making, and I have realized that even though I wasn’t the strongest physically, or even the smartest, I would have one quality that God wanted. I would be able to shoulder the responsibility and walk with Christ. I could carry my cross and preach and teach the Gospel, but only because all those years of suffering, of pushing through, I was being trained. Everyone has divine gifts but no matter what they are they must be used and practiced. We must put forth effort in order to have these gifts grow and become useful for God. The things I endured I would be able to look back and see how I can now use it to preach the Gospel. One thing I’ve learned is God waists nothing. Every hardship we face God can turn into a blessing for us to use to Glorify His name. God wants those who can fight the good fight and will shoulder the cross. Often times those who have been broken will be the ones to be remade in Christ and set forth as soldiers. If you think about it, it makes sense that if someone’s lived off the silver spoon and never had to work for anything; on what authority do they have to speak of hardships? Those who struggle and have made it through have experience on their sides. We can share our testimony and people can relate to hardships.

Psalm 118:6-9“The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? The Lord is on my side as my helper; I shall look in triumph on those who hate me. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes.” Trusting in the Lord isn’t easy, and it takes a lot of work, but the rewards for that trust are beyond our imagining. I realize now that each and every one of my horrible things has been preparing me and guiding me down where I would be able to use those horrible things in my life to help others. Romans 8:28“28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” For all things God is working out the plan. I never would have dreamed my experiences as a child would be so useful as an adult, but now with my direction as a crisis chaplain I will undoubtedly encounter small children and I can put myself in their shoes. Have faith that just because you don’t know the reason today, doesn’t mean you’ll never know it. Trust in God’s big picture, and you will do just fine. Change your perspective from the negative to finding something positive. Remember your brain is like your body, if you put bad stuff in, that’s what you’re going to get out of it. If you put good stuff in you’ll be positive and healthier. Changing your focus isn’t easy but with hard work and practice you’ll do just fine. God Bless.

 

 

It’s Not The End, Just Different 

It’s Not The End, Just Different: 

Nothing lasts forever. This life is a fleeting moment in the totality of the universe. Sometimes in life we have a hard time with change. We can have a difficult time letting go of the past. I know for me, I have struggled in the past with relationships when they end. I have a hard time understanding why it ended. I don’t understand the human emotion that causes people to walk away from something that seemed good. I have a hard time understanding how someone’s feelings can change without negative interaction. I have a hard time understanding how the heart can change and people who were once beautiful, kind, and caring, can turn so cruel. The change comes when sin takes hold, and the fight against it goes south. The attacks of the Devil can over time wear you down and if you’re not careful you can succumb to the enemy.

When the river changes are you going to be prepared to face those changes? Are you prepared to deal with the storms when they come? My whole life I thought I could handle anything that came my way, and one afternoon I was caught of guard and when I wasn’t looking I stepped into the fist of Satan and fell to the mat. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get back up. After more then two weeks in the hospital, I emerged with a new drive, a new direction, and rebuilding the foundation that cracked beneath my feet. God was changing my direction, and I felt like my world was ending. The thing about life is sometimes it’s truly about perspective. Had I looked at my life and saw it from a different point of view, it’s likely I would not have been in a worse situation from the one I started out on.

Realizing the end was there I panicked and my life spun out of control. When it seems like everything is upside down, and the hurricane is all around you, you have to remain calm, and focus on God. Had I taken some time I could have seen it wasn’t the end, but the beginning of a new chance to fix what I didn’t like about my life, and push forward. That’s not what happened for me, but now going on two years later, I can look back and realize everything I went through was growing pains. We can either choose to be destroyed by life, or we can rise above. We can choose to be hit by the lemons, or we can make lemonade. We can allow Satan to destroy us, or we can command Satan to flee before the name of Christ. We have the opportunity to learn, and to grow each and every minute we’re in this life. Yes, there will be horrible things, and things will often be painful, but consider how much you’ll be able to grow and change. No one likes pain, and no one wants to endure hardships, and while some will go through more, understand that in every situation both good and bad God is still in control and working things out. Our part in the matter is so small, yet we have the power to do great things, or screw up our lives royally. I’ve seen people destroy everything they had worked for and was forced to start from scratch in their lives.

Don’t look at life as what you’ve lost, instead look at it as what you have the potential to gain. Instead of me looking at what I was loosing, I could have instead taken the position that it wasn’t my doing, or my choice. I could have looked upon my life as a season of change, and taken that to move forward in my life in a healthy positive direction. I could have thought I am stronger, and I am capable of finding someone who better suits my personality. Sadly, I did none of these things, and I didn’t turn to God in my hour of need.

Scripture tells us to do two things in times of struggles. First, we must turn to God and pray for guidance and peace, and direction. Second we must turn to our brothers and sisters so we may seek Godly counsel for wisdom and guidance. Both of these things are important, and needed to ensure the compass continues to point North. It’s so easy for the Devil to get into our heads and pull us just a degree off course ever so slightly. Eventually we will find ourselves headed for a waterfall, our engines are broken, and we can’t steer. The Devil will laugh as we tumble over the edge and he’ll watch as we smash into the rocks at the bottom. The Devil delights in watching others suffer and if I had to describe the Devil in human form, he’s the guy sitting in a Corinthian leather lazy boy, sipping on a Martini, smoking a cigar, watching lives being destroyed on a thousand TV’s at once. Don’t give the Devil the satisfaction of good entertainment. Stand firm in your Christian convictions, and repel the attacks coming your way.

We change as we grow, and change is either good or bad, but one thing is certain, we have a say in how we change. Trauma’s and tragedy will come, but those who’s faith is cemented in Christ will withstand the storms far better then those with no hope. No one’s perfect and we’re all going to fall and fail, but making the choice to get up, change course, and keep pushing forward is all we can really do. God will guide us if we let Him. If we give up our selves, and trust God the journey will go much smoother. We will still hit the storms, but they won’t seem so scary anymore. While I was scared to change the way my Blog is posted, going from everyday to part time, I have found it difficult to take my fingers off the keyboard and make that change permanent. I know one day the time will be right for me to skip a day, or take time off, but as for right now, that’s not today. We can’t worry to much about tomorrow, instead focus on the here and now, focus on today, and focus on how you can glorify God in this moment.

 

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