Tag: faith

A Year Looking Back 2019

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A Year Looking Back 2019

Well, the year is over. It’s been a long road, and with some tears, with some laughs, and everything in between, life has continued to move forward as one would expect. When I started back to school I wasn’t sure I’d be able to finish, but here I am, a year later, and finished as strong as I could. Relationships have come and gone, and some have grown stronger, and others, not so much. 

I can’t say this year has been overly eventful. I think if anything, the biggest thing is my graduating from school, and I’m back to teaching. I think as far as change, those are the most prominent. 

I want to share some notes, just a couple things I have been thinking about. Instead of writing out an entire new post, I would share the lesson notes from this recent Sunday. 

New Years Lesson 

  • We all look back over the year and wish we could take back things that happened. We wish we could have more of what we want, but mostly we look to the the new year with hope and optimism, and of course the dreaded new years resolutions.
  • Who Are you now, verses who are you a year ago? 
  • If you want to be a new you, you have to make those changes. 
  • Matthew 6:22-23 “The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
  • We must be cautious with what we spend out time with. What we view, watch, listen too, and even the company we keep may alter our own behavior. 

Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

  • The Lord will be with you this year. Every January first is a new year, a fresh start. Ask for forgiveness, 

Psalm 25:18 “Look on my affliction and my pain, And forgive all my sins.”

Psalm 32:5 I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I have not hidden.
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
And You forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah

  • It’s the perfect time to repent of the years sins, and prepare your soul for the next year. 
  • Where your yes rest is where your heart will be.

Matthew 6:19-21 “19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; 20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

  • We spend so much time worrying about what’s next, worrying about life. 

Luke 6:22-23 : 22 Blessed are you when men hate you,

And when they exclude you,

And revile you, and cast out your name as evil,

For the Son of Man’s sake.

23 Rejoice in that day and leap for joy!

For indeed your reward is great in heaven,

For in like manner their fathers did to the prophets.

  • IF you’re going to make a resolution, make one to trust God. If you’re going to make a resolution be resolute in your faith. Be resolute in your ability to stand tall with God behind you. Be resolute to protect your mind, your soul from the world. Be resolute to let go of yesterday. Lay down that rock and leave it at the foot of the cross. Do not carry burdens that are not meant you to carry. Let God have them, all your worries, your burdens, your hurt. Start off this new year fresh. 

THANKSGIVING 2019

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THANKSGIVING 2019

It’s not been an easy few years. Looking back starting in September 2016 up till now, I have looked deeply into my life and as I have sincerely figured this has been the hardest three years of my life. From near death to graduating from college in a matter of two weeks, I have followed a path of hardships and self-exploration. One of my biggest thanks is the very church I attend on a regular basis. In the last three years I went from a simple attendee to working security, being on the puppet ministry, volunteering with the youth, teaching, I have come a long way and even with a major loss in October, I know that my church is my tether to my spiritual path. In the last three years, my church has lifted me up, guided me, supported me, and when things got sour, my church had my back. I have been mentored and sustained. 

My best friend has stood by me, and has helped me through some dark days. Having the love and support of an amazing church, a mother who has put up with me and my sarcasm, my occasional frustrations, my lack of a job (even though I do contribute financially) and my crazy animals, I am immensely grateful. While this year hasn’t been the greatest for my body, or my emotional life, it’s not been nearly as bad as the years prior. I am grateful for those in my life that if they read this, know who they are. 

The Devil has been working overtime to bring me down this year. Struggling with depression since October and a chronic pain situation, I have found myself frustrated and stressed. School has been a challenge, perhaps the hardest challenge I’ve had in my 5 years. With school coming to an end, I am grateful to be able to finish successfully. I am thankful for my upcoming mission journey to Honduras. I’m grateful to be able to work in the church working with the youth. Being a free-4-all volunteer has meant a great deal to me. I have found great joy and pleasure working with the youth. I never thought I would enjoy working with them, but as it turns out, God has a funny sense of humor. So that being said, there’s a few things I’d like to express thanks for. 

John 3:16 New King James Version (NKJV)16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” 

Ephesians 6:11-18 11 “Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—” 

John 15:13 New King James Version (NKJV) 13 “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” 

Without Jesus my life would mean nothing. Without my savior I would have no hope. I am appreciative of my Lord and Saviors sacrifice for me. I could not list anything higher in my life, but to be thankful for Jesus. No matter what is going on in my life, or where I find myself, the Hilltop, the Valley, or anywhere in between, Jesus is my rock. Nothing else matters as much, and as I go into this Holiday Season, I do so with great expectations of a blessed season. Not for the coming gifts for they will be few this year, but where I have a lack of physical gifts, I am blessed beyond measure with the spiritual gifts from the Father. I am thankful for everything I have and as to paraphrase Paul, I am content with where I am and with what I have. Jesus loves me and that is the most important thing to be thankful for. 

Our Actions Have Weight

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Our Actions Have Weight 

We are but men walking along this path, with no road map, or knowledge of tomorrows fore comings. The hope we have in the struggles of this world is only found in a name, Jesus Christ. We fumble along the walk and even when we are beaten down to the ground; even when the world is unfair, and even when it seems like everything, we’ve built crumbles around us, there is still hope in the power of Jesus. We can’t always see the light through the storm, but it’s always there. The struggle we have to get up the next day, and continue to push forward must be contained and set aside. The plans for our future is known by our Father alone, and we cannot from our tiny viewpoint say with certainty we know what will come tomorrow. We must not allow fear to dictate our actions, nor shall we allow that fear to destroy our resolve to trust in our Heavenly Father. 

Something very precious was taken from me recently, and I must trust that even in the hardest of days, Christ has something better in store for me. Christ will use this unfortunate tragedy in my life and a new path, a better plan would be made clear. Nevertheless, the pain I feel is very real. The struggle of course is a challenge, one that will take time to overcome. In my life there have been few things I have been proud of myself about, and loosing something in my life that I found so important, is beyond tough. In 2004 I was on a nice little walk, a pack that weighed around 70 pounds, and very little sleep. Up till the little walk, I had not had much in the weight of protein, or nutrition, and the odds of completing such a trek were small. After several hours of struggle, turning a corner and seeing the building I had called home for over 20 weeks straight in front of me. The tears fell from my eyes out of pride for myself, that I had accomplished something I did not believe was possible, and something so many had told me I would fail. In a short time, I would stand at attention and be granted the right to carry my cross sabers. I would hold my head high and beam with self-pride. I never became prideful, but I had a new self-respect I had not known before. When I was wounded in the war and my career would end before my eyes, I felt lost, and I remained lost for many years. 

Eventually I would find my path, but it would take several years. I would struggle for years to come till yet again the world as I knew it crumbled beneath my feet. I would yet again find myself unsure of my path, but a short time later the path was made clear. I found a place I would eventually call home. When I believed I had found a new place, a place for me to truly serve, that was short lived. I guess the point I’m trying to make is, life can suck, life can be unfair, life can be difficult as putting it mildly, but no matter what words describe the challenges faced, we must always remember who’s still sitting on the throne, and who is still in control. Relieving ones self of the responsibility, the need and desire to remain in control is vastly needed to be at peace. We are not in control, and we are not in charge. While we do have a say in how we manage our situations, and we do have a say into some of the circumstances we find ourselves, we are only in charge of our own personal actions and how we react in any given situation. In all places we find ourselves we must ask, and truly pray on it, what would Jesus do? What we do and how we do it will either represent Christ or the other guy. We always have a choice, and that choice will reflect Jesus in our heart. Be conscious of your choices, be respectful of the power you have to hold Christ in your heart, and in your actions reflect Christ to those in your circle. Be slow to action, and think about those actions first. Actions may have a wider effect then you may know, and because of that, as a Christian we must be more cautious then that of the world. Much like the ability to lift Thors hammer we must be worthy. Who are we underneath is represented by our actions and how we choose to respond to difficult circumstances? Will you lift the cross, or let the world blind you? 

Struggles In Life?

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Struggles In Life? 

It’s time to fight in your life. It’s time to stand tall and first beyond all things bring your heart to the one true king Jesus Christ. The war comes to all of us, and we must bring our hearts to Jesus before all other things can be done. We must turn our hope to the Lord and we must find grace in our lives. We are given grace by our Lord though we don’t deserve it. We must come to you oh Lord when times are tough. We must come to you when are astray. We are attacked often by the great deceiver. We are called to show grace, show mercy, show love because we are first loved by the creator. We are called to forgive because we are forgiven, and vise versa we are not going to be forgiven lest we forgive. We must learn to submit to the Lord and we must learn to submit whole heartedly. 

The Devil wants our lives, he wants our joy. The Devil comes into our lives, sneaks, prowls, and destroys. The Devil comes and tries to break us down, he comes to destroy, but while we sit and face the struggles in life, we are not understanding how to fight. We don’t understand the enemy. We don’t understand the rules of engagement. We can’t fight Satan if we don’t know how. Are we blind to the truth, that the Devil has already lost the war? 

2 Corinthians 11:14  (NKJV) “And no Wonder! For Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light.” If Satan comes and goes disguised as an Angel we must be doubly cautious and aware. We must be able to turn to the Lord in all times, good and bad to ensure we are prepared for the battle that comes. Who fights for us if we are not able to fight for ourselves? We cannot expect God to fight for us if don’t let him into our hearts. We always have God with us no matter how far we walk away from Him. 

When we stand affirmed in our faith, we must have faith that when we ask Jesus to fight our enemies when we are justified, Jesus will rise up against those who fight us, who persecute us.  When enemies try to kick down our door and we are not the instigator, Jesus will fight the fight for us. Deuteronomy 28:7(NKJV) “The LORD will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven.” Jesus fights for us, stands guard at the gate and forces the enemy to flee. 

We try to stand out on our own, but we cannot ever stand on the water alone, lest we fall in. While we may for a moment feel like we are standing on the water, we would surely submit to the gravity and fall under the water. When we step out on the water with Jesus we can achieve amazing things. James 4:7 “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” Jesus saves, and Jesus shows us the way. We are given so much, and we must remember to give in return. 

I have found myself struggling as of late, and I need to remember to give it all to Jesus. I need to remember that I cannot walk on the water alone, but it’s in Jesus that gives me the strength and power to stand tall. I was thinking about Bruce Wayne when writing this post. When we are faced with problems in our life, are we overcoming them? Are we doing our very best to be our best selves? Are we not just honing our bodies by staying fit, but are we also honing our minds and souls to Jesus? We must find ourselves focused on training our minds, and bodies, and be ready for the fight that will come. We do not stop when we are tired, we stop when we are finished, and we are finished when we are called home. Learn to run this race in endurance, and fight the fight all the days to come. 

Prayers Through The Night

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Prayers Through The Night 

The days are long but nights are the longest yet. The storms do blow, the trees bend and break. We hear the crack outside, and the light that flashes in the eye. We feel the fear in the night, but let me say to you, hold on a little longer. The nights wrought with the storm but it’s only a little while. This season you’re in won’t last forever. Hold on a little longer, for Jesus is coming, he’s on his way, have you invited him to come? Have you called the great rescuer into your life? Have you put your hope in Christ Jesus?  

Don’t be dismayed for you’re loved by our savior Jesus Christ! The burden you carry is not yours to do so. Our burden is to live in Christ. Our faith is our great burden. Christ died to take the burden of the cross, the sentence of death, yet he overcame. He overcame and washed us, each and every one of us. The faith we have is that knowing our chains in the bondage of sin are forever removed. We have the storms but have peace knowing for all things are worked together for the good and glory of God.  

In my life I have spent many nights awake not sure if I could make it through. Many nights I have wondered how it was that I could be so hated, so despised by God to allow me to go through so much pain and suffering in my life. I struggled so many nights as my tears wet my pillows. I found myself angry, and hating myself for feeling so weak. I bury my face in the pillow and scream at God. I was so young when my struggles started, and I remember many nights wishing I’d die in my sleep. I spent many weeks cursing God for allowing me to be born. I tried for years to be a good person. I tried for many years to be someone that anyone would be proud of, that I would be seen as someone with value. Yet for all those many years I found myself living every day in the storm. 

Since my time so far removed from the younger me I now realize for many years I was either being forged in fire, or tortured by the Devil. No matter which I now know since God will waist nothing in my life, I can use that pain now in my life. The storms will continue to roll, and I will continue to face struggles and trials, but what’s important is my foundation is set and I have come to build my life on Christ. I will live through the storms, the wind, the rain, but I will survive them all. See, God loved us before he met us. He loved us since before we were formed in our mothers whom. He has waited for us to be born, to love us, to cherish us, to have a relationship with us. God loved us so much, his own son died to give us eternal life. We are loved beyond measure, and no hurt we suffer, not even the tiniest sliver that pierces our skin doesn’t also hurt our Abba Father. We are loved so recklessly by our Father, and we are given so much, how could we not live a grateful life? There is no amount of pain we can endure that would ever live up to the pain Christ suffered for us. The price to eternity was high, and the price paid freely by our savior Jesus Christ. Now Christ lives, the spirit is with us every day, and even when we are in the deepest of valley’s the highest of mountains, we have Christ with us hand in hand. We need to hold on because we aren’t holding out for a Hero, the one and only Hero we’d ever need is already here. Christ is here and we just need to hold on because he will get us through any obstacle we face. We need to be ready to battle the forces of darkness every day because every day they test our defenses and every day the storms billow against the shield of grace Jesus has placed around us. 

We can go the distance because we survive the night. We fight the fight and we run the race and all the while are protected by God’s grace. We shall never fall without God knowing. We shall never be alone and we will always have hope no matter how dark the night seems to be. 

When The Call Is Made

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When The Call Is Made

Who are we when we say we are Christians? Who are we when we claim the love of Christ? What do we do when the call comes late at night? These are some of the questions I think we all need to answer. Recently I was in a situation when I didn’t know what to say, and I wasn’t sure how to answer, and I probably answered wrong. When I needed someone to talk to everyone I reached out too, or called was either too busy or not willing to talk. I sat alone in my head dealing with a multitude of emotions, and realized one very sad but real truth, God is the only friend I can count on day or night. When I needed someone there was no one, but God was still with me. 

2 Corinthians 1:4 (NKJV)4 “who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any [a]trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

When I started making calls I expected someone to answer, I expected someone would have thought of scripture Galatians 6:2 (NKJV)2 “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Yet no one came. Does that represent the kind of friend I’ve been? Have I failed as a friend to others, that when I was in need I would have no one head the call? I don’t know what more I can do for others but I surely have done all I know how. 

I have answered my phone day and night. 

I have bought someone a car. 

I have paid college bills. 

I have helped buy Christmas when needed. 

I have been there for others when they needed to cry. 

I have done so much, and yet I don’t feel it’s enough. I thought I was doing the right thing by helping people in need, but now I wonder if I was helping the wrong people all along. What have I done to others to earn so little respect? What have I done to face this kind of rejection in my time of need? 

I don’t really know what to say about it. I don’t know how to feel. I just know I hurt inside, and feel betrayed. I feel abandoned and hallow by those I thought I could count on. I am blessed to know that while so many flee, Jesus never has and he never will. 

***

It took hours for me to fall asleep, and longer to deal with the emotions I was feeling. After a deep, and long look inside, mixed with some communication with some good Christian loving friends, and a long hard cry, was feeling run down. Sleep later after church and I woke up feeling refreshed. While of course when I awoke there was no changes in the situation, but waking up more clear has left me static, caught between being okay, and not alright. 

One thing I’ve learned in the years past is we cannot place our faith in people. While I do believe most of the time people often mean well, I don’t think people are uncaring by nature, but perhaps self serving. I know that we are to love one another but I think we get caught up in life and forget that people, connections, relationships are vastly important. When I found myself empty handed from those I reached out too, I felt hurt and broken hearted. I reach out so seldomly I don’t understand how the importance was not considered and I was simply brushed aside. It seems I placed my faith in the wrong place, and I now realize, it’s my faith and trust in Jesus I need to place more focus on. I need spend more time in scripture. I need to get back to a healthy prayer life. I need to learn to place more trust in faith in my creator and less in those around me. I need to realize that I can count on only myself, and perhaps in time I will find people I can count on. 

The disclaimer to this is not a blanket statement, but regarding particular attempts at one particular time. While life is complicated and as things often get in the way, I understand that at most occasions there is perhaps at least one or two that might be able to help, however in this instance I was seeking a particular audience to talk with, and that’s where I was left alone. Life continues to move, and in the weeks ahead as I continue to face the current challenges, I know I will have to find a way to handle and manage the many feelings that come. I’ve made the call, but instead of people, I’ve now called upon Christ to raise me up, give me strength, and guide me. 

The Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

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The here today, gone tomorrow

I have never been the kind of person to fade in and out of others lives. If I’m in, I’m in. If for some reason I drift it’s because I was the only one putting forth effort. I have grown weary of the constant ebb and flow of friends. I am tired of the perpetual ignoring of messages. The life I’ve been given has taught me lessons that life is short and precious. Life can change in an instant and when someone stands looking back at their life, what is it that stands out as important?

I decided years ago that while money is important to live life, working is only important to live. A person’s job never defines who they are. While scripture says faith without works is nothing that does not mean working in a job. What we do with our life, and how we’ve touched the lives of others in the name of Christ, that’s what’s important. That we are friends, and family, mentor and leader, those things are what’s important.

We often get so wrapped up in the world we forget about friends and family. We forget about those in our lives that might need us. Not everyone I’m this life is comfortable or even able to express the needs they have, but if we aren’t looking, we will never see them. Are you there for your friends? Are you there for your family?

I often wonder if I’m doing everything I can for those around me. In fact lately I’ve felt like I’ve been spread thin. I feel low and discouraged. I feel as if I’m a failure and that my current place is a value equal to or less than nothing. I have very little to shoe for my life in ways of success. I’ve been trying to measure my success and with no job, no money, no place to call my own, with the majority of my friends who come and go, I feel discouraged, disconnected, and left behind. I feel I’m late to the party.

I don’t know what I expected all these years but life has not turned out the way I thought it would. I’m left longing for more. A few weeks ago I was at a gathering at a house. An acquaintance of mine invited me to his house for a party. Things went okay for a while till it became apparent that while on the surface things seemed to be going well, it ended horribly for me when the discussion turned controversial and I found myself alone on my side of the line. It reminded me that the path I walk as a Christian man has left me standing alone in this world. Excluding Christ who walks with me always.

Where am I that I sit alone with no where to go unless alone? Where am I that I sit for hours with no one to talk too? I cannot support myself, not can I support anyone else for that matter. As I see it, I have failed, and even those whom claim friendship to me are seldom around. I have little faith in myself and lately have truly wondered my value to others. While I realize we are not to place our value by what others think, the desire to be accepted is strong and I don’t feel if I have been.

I don’t have answers for myself, and I certainly don’t have answers for others. My only advice I can give is love on one another and continue to grow your close relationships. Don’t let them fall through the cracks with the way of the world. Resist the distractions meant to pull you in a thousand directions.

The Absent Father

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The Absent Father

Growing up I was without a father, or so I thought. I was left growing up without a daddy, a teacher, a discipliner. There was no man to teach me how to be a man. I craved approval, and I craved acceptance. I, for most of my life needed the approval of men in authority. On the flip side from that, I have struggled to make and keep men as friends. In my time I’ve found one of two things have been true. A: my friends have been good Godly Men, which has only been within the last couple years. B: the men have been older than me. 

Today, being Fathers Day, a lesson has been laid upon my heart. Living without a father has created deep wounds for me. This life is not a sprint but a marathon. I have run so long thinking a certain way, and today I have been shown a truth, one I cannot deny. Life is the race Paul says in 2 Timothy 4:77 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” I have struggled along my marathon. Growing up in a world where I was beat up, teased, and tortured. I was given swirley’s, my stuff was stolen from me, and I was laughed at on a regular basis. I didn’t have a father to help me cope. I didn’t have someone to teach me how to punch, how to change a tire, or throw a ball. I ask you today, who is your father? Do you turn to Christ? Do you follow Satan as a father figure? There are two thrones, one over Heaven, one over Earth. Revelation 2:13“I know your works, and where you dwell, where Satan’s throne is. And you hold fast to My name, and did not deny My faith even in the days in which Antipas was My faithful martyr, who was killed among you, where Satan dwells.”

Satan wants to be the ‘step’ father that gives you all the freedoms, free from rules, and carefree life. When we judge a good, good father, we must understand that ‘good’ father will give you rules, not just keep you down, but rather lift you up and protecting you, even from yourself. Jesus wants to protect us, and his rules are just to keep up on a righteous path. 

We worship one of two, the Kingdom of God, or the Kingdom of Satan. Do we find fatherly love in Satan and the world, or in Jesus and the Kingdom of Heaven. God, our Abba Father is not a God, a Father of rules. He is a Father of real love, real mercy, real grace. Satan is incapable of love, but he will give you what you may desire, but never because it’s good for you, but to win your love by bribing you for your affections. 

Are you a father figure shaped in Christ or Satan? Sadly, some people grow up fatherless, and some people loose their fathers. Today is hard on a lot of people who have longed for a father, or miss their father. Today comfort can be found in knowing that there is a father out there that you can count on, Abba Father. Not everyone who has a father has a good father, and not everyone who grows up without a father is doomed to struggle. Growing up I was lucky enough that the right men came into my life at the right time, and were most certainly blessings from God the father. Today, I find my struggles fill my mind today. I can’t help but long for that relationship, and I know that through Christ I have a Father looking out for me daily. I have never been alone. 

To those without a father, please know today you are loved and will always be loved. Jesus Christ is always with you, and you will never travel along alone. God is always looking out for you and you shall choose which father you want to be, will you be a follower of God our father in Heaven, or Satan the ruler over the earth? As for me and my love, we will follow the Lord over Heaven. 

For me growing up I had a man in my life that personified a man, and that was a character on TV and the big screen portrayed by Patrick Steward, his character (No not Charles Xavier) but Captain Jean-Luc Picard. I was taught through TV to have Honor, Dignity, Respect, and Strength for all. I learned how to behave as a man because of a TV character, but God can work through anyone, at any time to shape us. While I was taught different aspects of being a man, I gravitated to respect characters who also grew up without a father. Bruce Wayne, Spider-Man, Flash, Dick Grayson, Oliver Queen, and the list goes on. I have gravitated to the struggle of those who although are fictional have shown that anyone can grow to make a difference. We must focus on what God gives us, and know that we always have the power to succeed, if we believe we have the will to do so. 

It’s Time To Come Back

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It’s Time To Come Back

Truth be told I’ve felt like I’ve been gone for a long time. I feel like I’ve been trapped in a solitary cell for months. I have felt disconnected for months from everyone. The voices are heard everyday, and even responses flow from between my lips, but I dare say my hearts not been in it. I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, but alas, months later and I still don’t know. Despite writing for months, and having a third of a notebook full of future blog posts, I’ve not put fingers to the keyboard to write very much. One major issue is the homework I’ve had, and when I’m not doing that or volunteering at church, or volunteering with the EChaps, I just want to sit down and do nothing. I suppose that’s not surprising but the truth is, wading in the stagnant water I feel I’ve become old and no longer relevant. I’ve gotten into buying stuff on a fairly regular basis. The excitement and the endorphins when I get to open something new, and oogle at it for a while, but the high wares off quickly, and I’m back on Amazon searching for something new I just gotta have. Truth is, I’m masking a lot of what’s going on deep down with stuff in my life. The more I try to squeeze my way into a group the more I feel alone. The more I try to reach out and make new friends, I feel alone. I have not been in scripture as much these days without my everyday blog post. It could be that I was with Jesus so often and so long every day the short while each day isn’t as much as I was used too, and I long for it. If I’m spewing more truth from my fingertips and my tiny little brain, I’d say I am extraordinarily lonely. I don’t really do well in large crowds, but the one on one I long for just isn’t there. The guys from my old Job are not around much anymore. The social group I used to spend time with seems to be largely dissolved and has left me back where I started so many years ago, on the couch, with my phone and a computer. I tried to get into a group at church but nothing’s filled out. I started spending time with the youth and thought the adults there would be a good group to get to know, and at the same time get to know the kids. While part of that has and is currently happening, getting to be apart of the regular adult group has left much to be desired. I think I’m liked and respected, but that’s not the same as being accepted as a friend. 

Recently I received an open invitation from my best friend to go to lunch after church on Sunday’s, but somehow I feel like I’m intruding. I feel like I’m an outside trying to squeeze my way into a family unit that’s been a family for over a decade. I don’t think it’s far from the truth. So all this said, I have no idea what to do with myself. I have no idea where to go from here, and I long for Rg to come here and start our life together. I feel like my life’s in this long overdue holding pattern. I remember when I was in Iraq in a C-130 flying over Baghdad, when there was a storm on the ground we’d have to circle for a while for the storm to move on. Life has been that way for a while for me, flying in circles not gaining any ground in my life, just waiting above it all for the storm to pass. Well, I am sad to announce, I’m still in a holding pattern. 

Yesterday something strange happened to me. I was at Walmart with my mother (which is no where near strange), but she was approached by a women who claimed to know her from about 3-4 years ago. She claimed mom prayed with her at Church when she was in need. Listening to the women’s story about what’s been going on, and her struggles as of late. At the end of the discussion I offered (being the chaplain) to pray for her and her situation. When we got home Mom asked me if I felt weird praying in the middle of Walmart openly like that. I told her had it been a few years prior it would have been very weird for me, but these days it doesn’t feel weird at all. I supposed when I take a minute to think about it, I guess that’s growth. With all my Bible lessons complete through church, my classes in college that required scriptural uses, and with such a little bit of time working on my blog, I feel like I haven’t been moving forward or growing in my spiritual walk. I was hopping for classes to continue as I hope for Ordination, but life gets in the way, and now, I’m not sure what’s going to happen with that either. I wonder what I’m being tested on. I have been asking God to show me what I’m supposed to do, and the more I wonder, the more I feel the lesson itself is in patience. As things with Rg have been put on hold due to the tragic loss of her father, and a busy season (as if there were non busy seasons) at church, I have found myself twiddling my thumbs. The one thing that’s been getting me excited is VBS (Vacation Bible School) at church, and the fact I have 30 minutes to preach in July. These days, I’ll take what I can get. A couple weeks ago I was preaching (having a discussion) about Jesus and love, and life, and life over abortion, and I felt the Holy Spirit on me, even though I was frustrated to be in the situation I was in. I have no idea if my words held or meant anything, but I pray somewhere along the line those who heard me look at life a little differently. I know God is putting me where I need to be when I need to be there, but I have been wondering what I have to do to grow up. What do I have to do to be doing something meaningful in my life? I don’t want to feel like I am wasting my time, but in some ways I feel that’s what I’m doing. I know I need to finish school, but when I’m not doing that, I feel drawn to be making more of a difference. Even when I wasn’t getting feedback on my blog posts, I felt somehow I was making a difference in the peoples lives who read them. I guess, what I’m getting at in this long drawn out life update is, no matter what you’re going through, troubles, heartache, joy, happiness, unexpected pregnancy, loss in the family, or whatever the case may be, follow God and He will never leave you astray. Jesus loves you and is always walking with you. No matter if you’re in the hills, the valleys, the sunshine or the darkness, Jesus is always there. Am I still worthy of God’s love? ALWAYS! The question is, can I remind myself that I am still worthy, and even when I feel far away, I am still worthy of God’s love. 

The Cheap Knock Off

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The Cheap Knock Off

Christians, the followers of Jesus Christ. Understanding the nature of the trinity and what it means to be loved by the one true living God. There are many religions out there, there are many faiths, and ideas, but today there are those that could be considered cheap knock offs, or cheap imitations.

Recently I found what I thought was a good deal on a Avengers ‘Legends’ Captain America Shield. I ordered it because the website called it that, and even had pictures of what the shield (the real shield) looked like. Sadly after 30 days of waiting it arrived in an underwhelming cardboard box, wrapped in bubble wrap, and low-in-behold, not the real shield. The shield was a fake, a cheap knock off, a complete jip. The feeling I had when I opened the box and I realized I had been duped, I had ordered a fake. I realized that the lie that was told, while it looked great on the surface, once you dug a little deeper the lie shown through. Are we fooled by the world of all the lies? There are plenty of fly by night religions, and faiths, and so many people who believe in them. 

Christianity stems, hinges on one main fact, ‘did Jesus Christ rise from the grave?’. To answer this, and see that Jesus Christ is the one and only salvation, the one and only way to the Father, the one and only way to eternal life. Jesus Christ is the risen, the living God. While I don’t want to get into an Apologetics argument in this post, what I will say is this, men don’t die for something they know is a lie. Of all people the Apostle’s would have known if Christ was a scam or not. They believed in Him and what they saw that they were willing to die for it. While people die for what they believe in today, they believe what they follow on faith not necessarily on evidence. Those 12 Apostles knew if what Christ said and did was a lie or true, and we can bet that it was the truth. Next, in a time when women weren’t considered to be credible, when they were not allowed to hold property, or even allowed to live if they were raped, the evidence of the resurrection stands to reason to be truth, because if you were going to perpetuate a lie, you certainly would not lead your story with a women, unless of course women were the true first to see the risen Christ. The Romans weren’t able to silence the over 400 eye witnesses. The Jews never managed to kill those who followed the way (early Christians). Christianity survived because of the truth. 

There are so many cheap imitations out there, so many lies, and flavors of beliefs, but the truth is this, Christ said, John 14:6 (NKJV) 6 “Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” A man named Saul was a hunter of the Christian followers again, known as the way. He hunted them down, murdered them, persecuted them, and one day, out of the blue, he sacrificed his entire life of wealth, fame, status, comfort, to follow Christ. He gave up everything he had, his prestige all in the name of a man he despised. What could possibly have changed a man of his education, of his convictions if not for the truth spoke of in Acts? Acts 9:1-6 “Then Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest 2 and asked letters from him to the synagogues of Damascus, so that if he found any who were of the Way, whether men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem.3 As he journeyed he came near Damascus, and suddenly a light shone around him from heaven. 4 Then he fell to the ground, and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?”5 And he said, “Who are You, Lord?”Then the Lord said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. [a]It is hard for you to kick against the goads.”6 So he, trembling and astonished, said, “Lord, what do You want me to do?”Then the Lord said to him, “Arise and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.” 

While my shield may not have been real, it taught me a valuable lesson. Sometimes you need to dig a little deeper to discover the truth. Sometimes what’s on the surface isn’t real and you need to take a little longer to verify the truth. We must understand that the Devil will try to sell us on a whole slew of lies, but those lies look very enticing, very good and fulfilling, but they are still lies. Trust in Jesus that he is THE way, not one way, not a way, but THE way to the father, and there is no other way. The stone was rolled away, the seal broken, the linin folded John 20:7  7 “and the [ Face Cloth ] handkerchief that had been around His head, not lying with the linen cloths, but folded together in a place by itself.”Christ’s life as man was complete, his mission was over, and he had risen in fulfillment of the blood debt that was needed to defeat sin. There are many other religions out there that promise an awful lot, but you need to read the fine print, and see that they aren’t the real deal, they aren’t the true product. Christ is the real deal, the one and only Son of God, our Salvation, our Messiah. The Covenant paid for in Blood, signed for every soul who truly believes in Christ entrance into Heaven with the Father. Don’t be caught off guard for cheap imitations, the knock offs, be sure you are getting the real thing, Jesus Christ.